There were multiple moments throughout this book when I had to put it down and take a deep breath. I burst into tears at two points because I felt so seen, heard, and validated. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. Like I could breathe easier.
As a twenty-something who has just quit her job and moved countries, these past few months have been full of painful changes. Since graduation, I've spent most of my time pondering "Is this all?" and "What am I doing here?" It's been hard to communicate this itch for something more meaningful. Like the life I wanted to live was so different from the one I was living, and I felt stuck in a rut, unable to find my way out. I know that meaning doesn't just exist out there and has to be actively created, but it's so hard to know where to begin and how to keep going especially in a culture that expects you to have it all figured out, and then shuns you if you fail to tick the boxes of adulthood (whatever the hell that means!)
I loved this book for many reasons, and I am going to write a more in-depth review after my second reading but here are some of my intitial thoughts:
- Satya Doyle Byock's distinction between Stability and Meaning types is so helpful and makes so much sense. I was instantly able to recognise my patterns of thought & behaviour. I'm more of a Meaning Type. I want to learn and experience and feel as many things as possible - I feel like one life is not enough because I want it all. But despite this ache, this longing, I tend to shelf my dreams and dismiss my ideas because of the lack of a clear path or structure to see them through.
- I feel a dissonance between my inner and outer worlds at times. I feel the urge to follow cultural scripts and to prioritise pursuing stability over meaning. To paraphrase an annoying relative's unsoliticed advice: Focus on earning lots of money in your twenties so you can pursue your passions in your forties!!! OK. In this climate & economy? I don't think I'm alone in this struggle of finding meaningful work that also offers some financial and psychology security & stability.
- Satya Doyle Byock offers no quick-fixes (surprise: there aren't any!) nor any prepackaged solutions to the problems we Quarterlifers experience. Instead, the four pillars outlined in the book - Separate, Listen, Build, and Integrate - offer a useful, practical framework to reflect, listen, and cultivate a life that feels joyful, fulfilling, and filled with purpose. You don't arrive at answers about meaning and purspose, but you can create meaningul through paying close attention to feeling & experiences that move, shape, change you. Even if they make little sense to others, they make sense to you and that's ultimately what matters.
- Things I want to explore in more detail: embodied healing. Taking care of my body and listening to her needs. Trusting my journey and decisions even when I don't have a clear idea of the outcomes. Learning to surrender to the process, letting life unravel, while also doing the necessary work of honoring my dreams and my community.
It will take a lifetime of practice, failing, making mistakes, reflecting, learning, growing. But god, I am so excited (and scared) to encounter everything out there & within myself.
Thank you, Satya! Also, I will be reading more of Jung's works!