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Loving Your Child Is Not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works
In this now-classic, straightforward approach to childraising, Nancy Samalin shows parents how to set clear, concise guidelines to ensure positive and constructive discipline. Based on her extensive work with parents and children, she offers the most recent and invaluable advice Filled with practical solutions to everyday problems and thoughtful, useful information on opening up communication between the generations, Loving Your Child Is Not Enough will help parents to truly enjoy their child's growing years.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
January 30, 2021
Dönüp dönüp bakmalık,okumalık. Kolay anlaşılır,akıcı dilde,yazılmış benzer pek çok kitaptan daha uygulanabilir tavsiyeler.
December 19, 2022
Talk less. “As soon as” not “If.” Power of acknowledgement. This hour long audio is super practical!!!
November 28, 2023
Keyifli ve faydalı bir okumaydı. Aile içi iletişim temelleriyle ilgili güzel fikirler ve örnek uygulamalar vardı. Bence faydalı bir kitap ama yine de hayatımızı değiştirmesini beklememek lazım. Benzer içerikli ve popülariteye sahip kitaplardan ciddi bir ayrımı mevcut değil bence.
“Övgülerinizde net ve açıklayıcı oldupunuzda çocuklar başarılarını gerçekten fark ettiğinizi anlarlar. Eğer övgüleriniz çok genel olursa çocuklar samimiyetinizden şüphe duyarlar.”
“Övgülerinizde net ve açıklayıcı oldupunuzda çocuklar başarılarını gerçekten fark ettiğinizi anlarlar. Eğer övgüleriniz çok genel olursa çocuklar samimiyetinizden şüphe duyarlar.”
May 30, 2021
60 küsur ebeveynlik kitabından sonra biraz primitif kaldı. Belki ebeveyn yolculuğumun başlarında okusaydım daha iyi bir değerlendirme yapabilirdim. Bir de bu kitap başka kitaplardan çok fazla alıntı yapmış, kendi farklı bakış açısını pek geliştirememiş gibi geldi.
October 11, 2010
This book should be read by every parent. It was only 2 CDs long and full of very helpful, meaningful and applicable positive discipline. The author wrote much of her book based off of Alice Ginnott. If you've read the book by Haim Ginnott, this would probably include a lot of repeats. It has made a positive change in my parenting. I'm glad I read it.
April 4, 2021
Şu ana kadar okuduğum en faydalı ve uygulanabilir yöntemlerin bulunduğu kitap diyebilirim. Tavsiye ediyorum çocuğu olan herkese...(Kullanmaya başladığım birkaç ufak yöntemin anında işe yaraması beni çok umutlandırdı :)
January 5, 2023
Loving Your Child Is Not Enough, written in the 1980's, encourages parents to be better listeners to their children. For the most part, the advice is sound. Don't constantly criticize, don't automatically insert yourself into sibling disagreements, don't jump in to solve problems that kids can solve themselves, don't dismiss or correct kids' feelings before hearing what they are trying to say. I liked all of that.
But there are a few things I take issue with. First, this line: "No child ever has too much self-esteem." 🤣
Secondly, the book implicitly and explicitly encourages parents to be permissive and supportive when it comes to kids' feelings, even if those feelings are mean-spirited and/or rooted in unreality. In other words, feelings trump truth and it doesn't matter what you feel as long as you don't act on it physically. Take this exchange, for example, in which the hypothetical father is held up as a praiseworthy example to us:
When Dad was rocking two-year old Tyler in his lap, six year old Andrea stomped into the bedroom and said, "You never did that to me!" A normal response would have been to explain the facts or deny the feelings: "Of course I did! I've been rocking you since you were a little baby." Instead, Dad recognized Andrea's feelings.
Dad: "You want me to rock only you?"
Kid: "Yes."
Dad: "Sometimes you wish Tyler wasn't even here."
Kid: "I hate Tyler. If he was a plant, I'd throw him out the window!"
Dad: "It sure is a problem having to share me with him."
Kid: "I don't want to!"
Dad: "I know. But you're my only special Andrea."
She gave him a wide toothless grin. Andrea's father did not try to explain to her that Tyler was only a baby. Instead he gave Andrea what she needed at that moment: attention, not a lecture. He let her express her feelings of jealously without making her feel bad. He helped her feel unique by saying, "But you're my only special Andrea."
🙄🙄🙄
Andrea sounds like a real brat. And, thanks to the father's weak response, she's now on the fast track to becoming a bratty, entitled adult. This example hit close to home, as I've got four kids, with several years' worth of age gap between the younger ones. (12, 10, 6, and 1). This means that my three older kids have all had the experience at least once of welcoming a new baby into the family when they were old enough to be a bit independent, know what's going on, and observe me doing all the cozy baby things, like rocking, singing, feeding, etc.
A few months ago, one of my older sons saw me cuddling the baby and made a comment similar to Andrea's (though not nearly as rude). I can agree with the author that the right response is not an immediate, "You're wrong! He's just a baby! And, I rocked you too, you turd!" but perhaps there are other, more creative ways of gently challenging kids' erroneous beliefs and the unkind feelings that flow from them. "Speak the truth in love" is my motto when it comes to these types of situations (Ephesians 4:15). Following this most recent incident of older-sibling jealousy, instead of doing our usual night-time reading, we set up the projector and watched home videos of all four kids as babies, in turn. It was good fun, but, more importantly, it disabused them of the notion really quickly that only our current little one has enjoyed the Royal Baby Treatment. I worry that if parents don't lovingly and gently help kids identify their own B.S., someone else will, and it won't be so pleasant. (Or, worse, no one will!)
Somewhere between a 2 and 3 star read.
But there are a few things I take issue with. First, this line: "No child ever has too much self-esteem." 🤣
Secondly, the book implicitly and explicitly encourages parents to be permissive and supportive when it comes to kids' feelings, even if those feelings are mean-spirited and/or rooted in unreality. In other words, feelings trump truth and it doesn't matter what you feel as long as you don't act on it physically. Take this exchange, for example, in which the hypothetical father is held up as a praiseworthy example to us:
When Dad was rocking two-year old Tyler in his lap, six year old Andrea stomped into the bedroom and said, "You never did that to me!" A normal response would have been to explain the facts or deny the feelings: "Of course I did! I've been rocking you since you were a little baby." Instead, Dad recognized Andrea's feelings.
Dad: "You want me to rock only you?"
Kid: "Yes."
Dad: "Sometimes you wish Tyler wasn't even here."
Kid: "I hate Tyler. If he was a plant, I'd throw him out the window!"
Dad: "It sure is a problem having to share me with him."
Kid: "I don't want to!"
Dad: "I know. But you're my only special Andrea."
She gave him a wide toothless grin. Andrea's father did not try to explain to her that Tyler was only a baby. Instead he gave Andrea what she needed at that moment: attention, not a lecture. He let her express her feelings of jealously without making her feel bad. He helped her feel unique by saying, "But you're my only special Andrea."
🙄🙄🙄
Andrea sounds like a real brat. And, thanks to the father's weak response, she's now on the fast track to becoming a bratty, entitled adult. This example hit close to home, as I've got four kids, with several years' worth of age gap between the younger ones. (12, 10, 6, and 1). This means that my three older kids have all had the experience at least once of welcoming a new baby into the family when they were old enough to be a bit independent, know what's going on, and observe me doing all the cozy baby things, like rocking, singing, feeding, etc.
A few months ago, one of my older sons saw me cuddling the baby and made a comment similar to Andrea's (though not nearly as rude). I can agree with the author that the right response is not an immediate, "You're wrong! He's just a baby! And, I rocked you too, you turd!" but perhaps there are other, more creative ways of gently challenging kids' erroneous beliefs and the unkind feelings that flow from them. "Speak the truth in love" is my motto when it comes to these types of situations (Ephesians 4:15). Following this most recent incident of older-sibling jealousy, instead of doing our usual night-time reading, we set up the projector and watched home videos of all four kids as babies, in turn. It was good fun, but, more importantly, it disabused them of the notion really quickly that only our current little one has enjoyed the Royal Baby Treatment. I worry that if parents don't lovingly and gently help kids identify their own B.S., someone else will, and it won't be so pleasant. (Or, worse, no one will!)
Somewhere between a 2 and 3 star read.
March 11, 2021
Had some great take aways, but I felt like all of the examples were unrealistic EXTREMES in which I could not relate. But I like the premise, and it taught some great principles.
There’s no such thing as “constructive criticism” when the meaning of “to construct” is to build something up, and the definition of criticize is “an expression of disapproval for faults & mistakes”, or tearing something down. Focus the needed teaching moment on the lesson or the deed rather than the child. (Ie. Leaving the door open let’s the bugs in. Dishes belong in the sink. Fighting brings an icky feeling into our home (rather than: YOU are always fighting with everyone).
Pure parental love & good intentions for your children can NOT outweigh a lack of skill.
Will what I am going to say cause Confrontation or Cooperation?
Parent Deaf - SPEAK IN 1 WORD RULE
Children resist Orders as much as Verbiage.
When you offer a child a choice between what you want them to do and a negative consequence, it’s really not a choice at all. It’s a manipulative threat.
When children are upset, they are not amenable to REASON.
Punitive.
Distance yourself from battles BEFORE imposing LOGICAL direct consequences to poor behavior, with the intent to teach the correct form of said behavior
Disengage from Children’s predicaments not to abandon, but to more fully increase their confidence, problem solving skills and independence.
Sibling rivalry is INEVITABLE. The only way to prevent it is by having only 1 child.
There’s no such thing as “constructive criticism” when the meaning of “to construct” is to build something up, and the definition of criticize is “an expression of disapproval for faults & mistakes”, or tearing something down. Focus the needed teaching moment on the lesson or the deed rather than the child. (Ie. Leaving the door open let’s the bugs in. Dishes belong in the sink. Fighting brings an icky feeling into our home (rather than: YOU are always fighting with everyone).
Pure parental love & good intentions for your children can NOT outweigh a lack of skill.
Will what I am going to say cause Confrontation or Cooperation?
Parent Deaf - SPEAK IN 1 WORD RULE
Children resist Orders as much as Verbiage.
When you offer a child a choice between what you want them to do and a negative consequence, it’s really not a choice at all. It’s a manipulative threat.
When children are upset, they are not amenable to REASON.
Punitive.
Distance yourself from battles BEFORE imposing LOGICAL direct consequences to poor behavior, with the intent to teach the correct form of said behavior
Disengage from Children’s predicaments not to abandon, but to more fully increase their confidence, problem solving skills and independence.
Sibling rivalry is INEVITABLE. The only way to prevent it is by having only 1 child.
August 30, 2022
I’ve read a few parenting books, and this one didn’t impress me initially because the concepts aren’t new and the dialogues read to me as heavy-handed and sentimental; however, the book ultimately won me over with its nonjudgmental, concise, and simple review of the most effective parenting strategies. If I had a friend looking for the most effective parenting book with the least effort, I’d recommend this one.
January 21, 2020
A quick read that was full of insightful tips of how to deal with your child in ways that will not harm their development or lead to being overwhelmed... especially while dealing with terrible behavior or less than stellar report cards. This was helpful in a time of impatience due to the terrible twos!
July 24, 2019
This is an excellent, practical and very hands on book. It was hard to read for me with dialogues intermixed with explanations, but the content was excellent. Parenting in a authoritative way, while respecting and learning to understand your children.
January 10, 2023
Bol örnekli bir kitap, neredeyse yüzde 80i günlük hayattan örnekler içeriyor ve çoğu da çocuğumuzla yaşadığımız benzer olaylar. Bu açıdan yalnız olmadığımızı vurgulayan faydalı bir kitap olduğunu düşünüyorum.
July 10, 2018
Lots of practical advice on how to change the way you speak to your children.
March 12, 2019
Scribd audiobook. Super short! Covers all the same things as NDD, etc.
August 8, 2019
Excellent and quick read! I think it’s a good refresher and I’m considering reading it at least once each year.
April 13, 2020
This is one of the best parenting books since Haim Ginott, who I believe was one of her mentors. It was easy to read, a little at a time, as parents have few spare minutes.
April 20, 2020
Autoayuda
July 20, 2021
Great guidance. Listened to this in my second trimester.
August 27, 2021
Pratik günlük öneriler için teşekkürler
Read
August 28, 2021Oldukca sade, acik ve uygulanabilir oneriler bulunuyor. Pratikte de hemen faydalanabildim. Ancak ceviri ve yazim hatalari oldukca fazla
April 16, 2022
Not anything I haven't heard before but a good reminder after a handful of frustrating days.
July 7, 2022
Uygulanabilir çözümler veriyor dili de rahat elinizde uzun süre paralanmıyor kitap. Ama verilen örnek diyaloglar çok doğal gelmedi bana içselleştiremedim
April 16, 2011
This is a very good parenting book...now if I could only remember any of the tips in the stress of the moment!
In the introduction, the author sets out the focus of the book: My goal is to help parents become more aware of the way they talk, see the effects of their words and begin to respond in new ways to improve relationships with their children. By communicating in new ways, it is possible to promote cooperation instead of resentment, to express anger without hurting or insulting and to set limits on behavior while responding empathically to feelings.
One main point I liked was that you can be permissive about their feelings but strict on their behavior. We can show empathy and acknowledge our child's feelings--they can know that we hear and understand them--without changing our standards of behavior.
And the funniest line of the whole book: A sweater is something you wear when you Mother is cold. : ) Too true!
In the introduction, the author sets out the focus of the book: My goal is to help parents become more aware of the way they talk, see the effects of their words and begin to respond in new ways to improve relationships with their children. By communicating in new ways, it is possible to promote cooperation instead of resentment, to express anger without hurting or insulting and to set limits on behavior while responding empathically to feelings.
One main point I liked was that you can be permissive about their feelings but strict on their behavior. We can show empathy and acknowledge our child's feelings--they can know that we hear and understand them--without changing our standards of behavior.
And the funniest line of the whole book: A sweater is something you wear when you Mother is cold. : ) Too true!
January 23, 2011
This is a good book. I would have given it more stars if it were based on original thought or theory. However, about 90% of her ideas are extracted from books authored by faber-mazlich or other "natural consequence" parenting books. I listen to the audiobook in the car sometimes repeatedly as a reminder when I go "off course" and need guidance. It is sort of like a cliffs notes of a number of different authors. I will likely pick up another one of her books. Like i said--good but not stellar. I hope that she can come up with something unique and original. I am sure that it is in there somewhere.
August 2, 2011
I thought there were some useful tips within this book for disciplining children. I was raised in a household where I was spanked for bad behavior and the author doesn't condone spanking. Instead it seems as if she feels as if parents should "reason" with a child. Ha! Ha! That might work with some kids but definitely not for others. I was not one of those "reason" with type of children. I don't believe in beating children but children should not be allowed to walk all over parents either and saying, "Now now Johnny how did it make you feel to slap your sister in the face?" Sounds ridiculous to me.
September 18, 2011
Continuing on my parenting books kick, this one gives balanced advice with lots of examples that hit home with me. It tries to find midway point between permissiveness and authoritarianism which is very difficult and I appreciated that it acknowledges just how hard it is to always say the right thing and send the right messages to your children. The last 50 pages were kind of repetitive, but otherwise, I think it's a great read.
May 19, 2010
I like the practicality of this book. The layout/style is efficient - in dialogue form - but I found that I had to be in a certain frame of mind to read and truly follow it. Then again, I read the book in less than a week - I couldn't stop because the more I read, the more I felt better about myself as a parent! I am reading the follow up book now... love and anger.
June 3, 2010
Excellent book. I'll definitely be re-reading and referencing as my child grows.
August 25, 2011
Really loved this audio. The scenarios are just like they are coming from my house. Great tips and ideas. I will definitely re listen to this again and again.
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January 24, 2016Timeless piece. Every parent must read, re-read, re-re-read this.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews