Lost & Found: A Memoir of Mothers

by Kate St. Vincent Vogl

For anyone who'd ever lost--or maybe even found--a mother. I swore I'd never let my birthmother into my life, but then Mom died of ovarian cancer and my birthmother, Val, found me through my mom's obituary. Hard to argue with fate. Harder still to let go of childhood promises, even when you discover everything you dreamed of being in part of who you are.

Genres: Memoir, Adoption, Nonfiction

292 pages, Paperback

First published April 15, 2009

About the author

Kate St. Vincent Vogl is the author of Lost & Found: A Memoir of Mothers, which was featured on national ABC news and named by the Akron Beacon Journal among the best of the year. She is the co-author of Lady Ref as well as Iron Horse Cowgirls. Her work appears in Prairie Schooner and in best-selling anthologies like Why We Ride. Her fiction has received support from the Minnesota State Arts Board and the Anderson Center. Vogl graduated from Cornell University cum laude, from the University of Michigan Law School, and from Hamline’s Creative Writing Program. She teaches at the Loft in Minneapolis.

Reviews

[Kristin Boldon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtful, moving, empathic memoir about adoption, family and motherhood. Vogl's birth mother found her via the obit of her adopted mother, who died too soon of cancer. With her own young child and still grieving, Vogl had to navigate this unexpected new relationship while taking care of the feelings of her father and sister. This book is an extended meditation on the fluidity of family both chosen and not, and the allure of certainty, though whether that's to biology or environment remains an open question. Vogl is a straightforward, trustworthy narrator, sharing her journey of discovery.

[Lynnette Dobberpuhl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I expected to find an interesting and intelligent read from this author, but found so much more. There is precision and beauty and a twining of tales that will be meaningful to anyone who has been a mother or had a mother, adoptive or otherwise. Kate St. Vincent Vogl tells the story of coming to terms with being found by her birthmother almost immediately after the death of her mom (her adoptive mother,) and shortly after becoming a mother for the first time herself. She tells it honestly: the pain, the tension and the humor. She tells it with beauty, even the not so pretty parts. I was completely pulled in and can't wait to see what is next from this author.

[MaureenMcBooks · Rating 2 out of 5]

An interesting life story by a writer who was adopted and then reluctantly gets to know her birth mother. As personal a story as it is, it is told in a fairly impersonal way, so that the reader doesn't really see what the writer is going through. Adoptive kids and parents will make the connection but a general reader probably won't.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This beautifully written book is a must read for any mother considering adoption or already experiencing the miracle of adoption. The author takes the reader through an amazing true story as if the reader were with her. We get to experience how adoption affects a child, an adult, a mother, the family,etc. We also experience the struggles and triumphs.

[Linda S · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this after hearing Kate speak at a retreat. It is a very touching story that had me laughing and crying. I'm not touched by adoption and I am not a mother but it was still struck me as a wonderful book about families and how they are formed in many ways.

[christin walth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! Heart warming and helps in reflecting on what constitutes "family"

[Jenny]

liking it so far - her style of writing loses me occasionally, but her perspective is so interesting.

[Tess Mertens-Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kate St. Vincent Vogl writes her biography of how she found out she was adopted at the age of ten and how her birthmother found her in her 20s.
I have taken writing classes form Kate, and my mother is adopted and found her heritage, so this interested me.
Kate found out she was adopted when a boy in the neighborhood told her older sister Aimee when Kate was ten. Kate accepted the fact, but it caused stress between her sister and her parents,
After law school Kate married, had a daughter and her mother died of cancer. Through her obituary, Val, Kate’s birth mother called her and she started a relationship. She also ended up meeting the family of her birth father who was killed in a car accident. She was accepted by this new group, to the point of introducing her father to them.
I saw ranges of emotions as she went through this journey that kept me turning the pages. She questioned her own mothering skills, how she adopted family would feel, coming to terms with her father’s second marriage, and a very emotional scene in a car when Val broke down with regret for letting her baby girl go.
This scenario ended well, my mother’s did not. She always knew she was adopted and waited until; her parents passed away to go through Catholic service (where Kate’s adoption also took place). Mom was adopted in 1936, and found both of her parents. Her Dad explains our shortness and sense of humor. Her mother wanted grand ‘children”, and most of us the seven of us were adults. Agnes not accepting my mother’s adult children was very hard on my mom.
I will give this book to my Mom to read, and try to see if Kate would like to meet her. I am glad her story had a happy ending.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a true story of a woman who meets her birthmother after the death of her adoptive mother. Kate's birth mother, Val, had been searching for her and found her through Kate's mother's obituary. At this point, Kate has a husband and baby herself. Can she allow this relative stranger into her heart? What about the promises she made to her mother and father?

This is an interesting read and Ms. St. Vincent Vogl shares her thoughts and angst and happiness charting the journey. She learns to keep her heart open and finds there are many ways to make a family.

[Cathy L · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. I know... a somewhat thoughtless rating for a compelling topic. This is a topic with which I have some personal experience, albeit indirect, so I expected to be enthralled. While the writing was strong and vivid in many ways, and certainly authentic in its presentation, it was somewhat wordy, at points. It also circled a bit unnecessarily at points... to the past, without a clear pattern of, or appreciable understanding for why the author has done so. I also do not feel as though I got to know the author's birthmother to the degree that I got to know her mother...

[Lisa Godina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A remarkable true life story of a woman's journey through her life as an adoptee. She was 8 when she found out that she and her older sister were both adopted. A few months after the death of her mom a woman, her birthmother, enters into her life. This is the story of her struggles, her pains, and the joys of discovering what being a family really means.

[Evelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many unanticipated issues for someone who was adopted, looses her mother and then, unexpectedly is contacted by her birthmother. Our of loyalty she is hesitant to fully accept this new person in her life but gradually a relationship is built and greater understanding occurs.

[Ida · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting memoir about coming to terms with the unexpected appearance in the author's life of her birthmother after the death of her adoptive mother. There were some poignant moments in her account, although I felt it was a little impersonal at times as well as a little drawn out.

[Rhonda Rae Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent memoir...so much to this story, I don't know where to start my review. A necessary read for all in the adoption triad...kuddos!

[T.H.]

Amazon freebie 4/27

[Doreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Touching story. I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability.

[Peggy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Memoir of an adopted child and her relationship with mother and birth mother. Just was not a book I enjoyed.

[Karisa Glade · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. maybe because I'm adopted, too? fascinating journey.

[Alison]

kindle 308 (memoir)

[Kary · Rating 3 out of 5]

good book about adoption and what every family member goes through and how they handle it