Liking the Child You Love: Build a Better Relationship with Your Kids--Even When They're Driving You Crazy

by Jeffrey Bernstein

"I shouldn't have to tell him that again!"

"She is just so spoiled."

"They don't appreciate anything I do for them."

Do you feel like you're at the end of your rope? Are you exhausted by your kids arguing over every little thing? Finally there's a name for your "Parent Frustration Syndrome" (PFS). No kid is perfect, but parents often don't realize just how much their own thoughts, rather than their children's behavior, contribute to being emotionally overwhelmed and discouraged.

In Liking the Child You Love , Renowned psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein offers proven strategies for taming the 9 most common toxic thought patterns that stop us from parenting



As you identify and put a stop to PFS's negative thought patterns, you'll be amazed at how your kids' defiant behavior quickly improves, without having to raise your voice or dole out harsh punishments. Soon you will have a closer, calmer, and more loving relationship with your kids -- just by changing your own mindset.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, is a psychologist with over thirty years' experience specializing in child, adolescent, couples, and family therapy.

Reviews

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a help

This book completely changed the way I view our child, especially after a harrowing 2015. Life is not perfect, and we are having ups and downs, but I recall why I like him as well as love him. And I do. This book not only changes your thought processes but gives you tools to use, so it's best of both worlds. Can't recommend highly enough.

[Amber Ashton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This really gave me some things to think about. The only way for things to be better with my difficult child is for ME to alter the way I think and the way I react. I have a long way to go still, but this really helped give me some better ideas to recognizing my toxic thinking and ways that I can need to improve. It's not easy, but it's definitely worth it.

[Corinne Yee · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the first chapter or two felt a bit repetitive, the messages in the book are important. Too often we adults focus on the negatives in our children and it sidelines our relationships with our children. This book helps explain what parental thinking can toxify your relationship and helps you change your mindset to improve your parenting and parent/child relationship.

[Julie Sidarous · Rating 5 out of 5]

Changed my mindsets on how I think about my children and relationships in general.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had some good solid advice which seemed mostly common sense relationship advice (don't say "always"/ "never", etc.) but the kind that we all need to be reminded of from time to time. The author addresses ways to cut down on a parent's own inner dialogue that can keep us frustrated and prevent us from getting at what our kids are really trying to say/do with their behavior. Made me realize that I tend to try and control my children rather than guide them, and if I can get over that they won't feel the need to fight against me as much.

A good quote that I will keep in mind: "The less you get attached to your preferences, the less they will become your source of stress." (pg. 92) Again--more common sense that I need to be reminded of--choose your battles. Is it really important that they do what you want them to in your way, or just that they get it done?

[morninglightmama · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my. I could get all focused on the negative and say that this book has basically pointed out all of my inadequacies and failings as a parent. OR, I could instead put my energy into positive thinking and focus on my appreciation for what this book has opened up for me. The title caught my attention, naturally, when it was offered, and I have to say that even though much of what is at the crux of the author's 'program' is pretty logical, it was still eye-opening to me as I read, highlighted and made margin notes throughout. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to parents who feel overwhelmed and frustrated with how their children's behavior seems to be affecting the parent/child relationship. Much of what Dr. Bernstein argues needs to be changed in order to find happiness and peace in the family may surprise you. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

My son's behavioral specialist recommended a couple other books by Dr. Bernstein to me and as I was ordering them, I came across this title as well. My reaction upon reading the title was, "Yes! THAT is what I want to know." I added this book to my cart and I'm very glad I did. I have long felt that much of my frustration with my ADHD child cam from problems within me, not him, and I wasn't really sure what to do about it. Berstein's advice in this book is helping me make changes within myself that helps me enjoy my kids more and deal better with those tough moments. I think I'm going to have to read it a couple more times before I really have myself trained to think less toxicly, but I don't mind that. Compared with some other books I've read, Dr. Jeff is an easy and enjoyable read.

[Elaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book deserves more attention that I could devote to it. It did make me more mindful of the 'toxic thoughts' that colored my perceptions, so I was able to take a step back and reevaluate my responses to certain behaviors.

[Mckaye · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title sounds bad, but this book had a lot of great insights. It talked about mindfulness and getting rid of your own toxic thinking. I really enjoyed it.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great ways to help conquer the challenging times!!

[Paula · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great strategies for eliminating toxic thought patterns that torture stressed-out parents.

[Bree · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good common sense points, but extremely repetitive.

[Danica Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this author, but terrible title.