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The Girl in the Orange Dress: Searching for a Father Who Does Not Fail
"Chosen." "Special." Those are the words Margot Starbuck used to describe herself as a child adopted into a loving family. And when her adoptive parents divorced, her dad moved east, and her mom and dad each got remarried, she told herself that she was extra loved, since she had more than two parents and people in different times zones who cared about her. But the word she really believed about herself was rejected. First by her birthparents. Then by her adoptive father-when he moved away. Then by her stepfather. Then by her birthfather a second time, when she tried to invite him into her life. Most of all, Margot felt rejected by God the Father, who she also suspected could not be trusted. Margot's story begins with a woman looking for her biological father. But it doesn't end when she finds him. Instead, his rejection punctures her soul and sends her on a different search--one that leads to a different Father. This Father did not just "sacrifice a son" like the parents she knew, but instead gave his own life out of love for her. Maybe you've been disappointed and wounded by parents who divorced, left, were abusive, or simply weren't there. Enter into Margot's story. She has been where you are. She knows the pain you carry. And her journey can lead you to the God who nurtures, protects and always says, "I am for you."
201 pages, Paperback
First published July 30, 2009
7 people are currently reading
164 people want to read
About the author
Margot Starbuck
37 books21 followersMargot Starbuck is a New York Times bestselling writer and the author of over twenty books.
She's really jazzed about the release of The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating, and you can learn more about that fun thing here: https://www.thomasnelson.com/p/the-gr...
Margot enjoys speaking to audiences around the country that include Wheaton College, MOPs International, Young Life Women’s Weekend, Urban Promise Ministry Summit, and more.
Margot is the mom of 3 adult humans, by birth and adoption, and lives in a one-of-a-kind community built around friends with disabilities in Durham, NC.
Learn more at: http://www.margotstarbuck.com/home.htm
She's really jazzed about the release of The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating, and you can learn more about that fun thing here: https://www.thomasnelson.com/p/the-gr...
Margot enjoys speaking to audiences around the country that include Wheaton College, MOPs International, Young Life Women’s Weekend, Urban Promise Ministry Summit, and more.
Margot is the mom of 3 adult humans, by birth and adoption, and lives in a one-of-a-kind community built around friends with disabilities in Durham, NC.
Learn more at: http://www.margotstarbuck.com/home.htm
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
December 31, 2010
Passages that were very meaningful to me:
Page 158: “One day Peter encouraged me to go walking, thinking how it had often improved my mood. I patiently explained to him that when I was depressed—a very sterile and clinical word, I think, to describe what it is to wallow in one’s own personal pit of hell—I could not even move my legs or arms, let alone approach anything resembling my target heart rate. I also warned him that if any friendly, gardening neighbor dared to speak to me I would either burst into tears or stab her with the rusty tip of her own dirty shovel. No one wants that.”
Page 161: “I’m no trained linguist, but there have got to be better words to use in these situations than love. This is what had been so crazy-making—that what I’d been told did not match the reality that my heart, soul, mind and body had experienced and known to be true. Someone who loved me abandoned me. Someone who loved me left me behind. Someone who loved me threatened my safety…I decided that there really needs to be an English expression that means, “You are precious, but I’m unable to meet your needs right now.” There needs to be a way to say: “You are worthy, but I am struggling for my own survival here.” We need a word for, “I am not able to be for you in the way that you really need me to be at this time.”
Page 167: “During my hardest days, I orchestrated my Sunday morning church maneuvers like I was on Air Force One, secretly dipping into and out of wartime Iraq…In order to avoid the cheerful crush of the rush hour between Sunday school and the beginning of worship, I would reverently depart four minutes before the end of class. I would march out of the room importantly, as if I were on my way to save a life in the church nursery. ..The crowded rear entrance of the sanctuary, guarded by two cheerful deacons, always felt much too dangerous to attempt an entry. Instead, I would march purposely into the front of the sanctuary, find my first-row spot and pivot around to face the pulpit. There my face, already bleeding unauthorized tears, would be mostly hidden from others. There I would endure the entire service, and then, during the closing prayer, the whole sequence of bobbing and weaving would begin again as I made my carefully planned escape.
Every Sunday was like this, avoiding friendly fire. On my best worst days, I would dodge everyone. On the worst ones, I might catch a grenade from a well-meaning library volunteer thumbing through a stack of overdue book notices or a friend who was happy to see me.
The last place I wanted to be when I was in so much pain was in church. Even at the time, I knew that my desperate resistance to human contact with Christ’s body was absolutely devilish.”
Page 171: “At last I spit out the gut-wrenching realization, “No one wanted me to be born.”
Page 186: “For years I had wanted God to magically cure my feet, my heart and my life so that I could merrily scamper out of the lion’s den without going through all the cumbersome motions of actually depending on God, rooting my life in God’s. In the real world, however, I still had to stretch my feet every morning before I could walk. I still took antidepressants. I still wanted to know my half-siblings, not to mention the father whose genes we wore.”
Page 190: “For years I had been raging both against the stupid dad in the lullaby who kept buying horrible gifts, and against the Father of Jesus who seemed to be doing exactly the same thing. I’m even willing to entertain the possibility that I might have been a teensy-weensy bit mad at my own dad. And my biological father. And my ex-stepfather. The whole gang.
When truth had finally sunk into my bones, though, I was freed up to be in relationship with others, each one sinner and songbird. Like me.”
Page 158: “One day Peter encouraged me to go walking, thinking how it had often improved my mood. I patiently explained to him that when I was depressed—a very sterile and clinical word, I think, to describe what it is to wallow in one’s own personal pit of hell—I could not even move my legs or arms, let alone approach anything resembling my target heart rate. I also warned him that if any friendly, gardening neighbor dared to speak to me I would either burst into tears or stab her with the rusty tip of her own dirty shovel. No one wants that.”
Page 161: “I’m no trained linguist, but there have got to be better words to use in these situations than love. This is what had been so crazy-making—that what I’d been told did not match the reality that my heart, soul, mind and body had experienced and known to be true. Someone who loved me abandoned me. Someone who loved me left me behind. Someone who loved me threatened my safety…I decided that there really needs to be an English expression that means, “You are precious, but I’m unable to meet your needs right now.” There needs to be a way to say: “You are worthy, but I am struggling for my own survival here.” We need a word for, “I am not able to be for you in the way that you really need me to be at this time.”
Page 167: “During my hardest days, I orchestrated my Sunday morning church maneuvers like I was on Air Force One, secretly dipping into and out of wartime Iraq…In order to avoid the cheerful crush of the rush hour between Sunday school and the beginning of worship, I would reverently depart four minutes before the end of class. I would march out of the room importantly, as if I were on my way to save a life in the church nursery. ..The crowded rear entrance of the sanctuary, guarded by two cheerful deacons, always felt much too dangerous to attempt an entry. Instead, I would march purposely into the front of the sanctuary, find my first-row spot and pivot around to face the pulpit. There my face, already bleeding unauthorized tears, would be mostly hidden from others. There I would endure the entire service, and then, during the closing prayer, the whole sequence of bobbing and weaving would begin again as I made my carefully planned escape.
Every Sunday was like this, avoiding friendly fire. On my best worst days, I would dodge everyone. On the worst ones, I might catch a grenade from a well-meaning library volunteer thumbing through a stack of overdue book notices or a friend who was happy to see me.
The last place I wanted to be when I was in so much pain was in church. Even at the time, I knew that my desperate resistance to human contact with Christ’s body was absolutely devilish.”
Page 171: “At last I spit out the gut-wrenching realization, “No one wanted me to be born.”
Page 186: “For years I had wanted God to magically cure my feet, my heart and my life so that I could merrily scamper out of the lion’s den without going through all the cumbersome motions of actually depending on God, rooting my life in God’s. In the real world, however, I still had to stretch my feet every morning before I could walk. I still took antidepressants. I still wanted to know my half-siblings, not to mention the father whose genes we wore.”
Page 190: “For years I had been raging both against the stupid dad in the lullaby who kept buying horrible gifts, and against the Father of Jesus who seemed to be doing exactly the same thing. I’m even willing to entertain the possibility that I might have been a teensy-weensy bit mad at my own dad. And my biological father. And my ex-stepfather. The whole gang.
When truth had finally sunk into my bones, though, I was freed up to be in relationship with others, each one sinner and songbird. Like me.”
February 22, 2020
My life story is vastly different than the author’s and yet our stories are remarkably similar. As an adoptee, I recognized my own internal dialogue in hers and identified with facets of her spiritual struggle. It took a while for me to get into this book but I’m glad I persevered. I was undone by the last three sentences and whispered “amen”. “There I saw my name scarred on his palm. His tattooed hand didn’t read Tama or Margot. It simply read: Beloved.”
June 18, 2019
Re-read this and LOVED it even more the second time:)
June 7, 2020
Christian memoir is scarce. So this book shines by allowing insight into the faith path of an adoptee.
July 19, 2009
Throughout her childhood, Margot Starbuck was always told that she was “chosen and special”. She was adopted when she was just a few weeks old. Always thinking that her upbringing was nothing but happy and warm because she had so many people who loved her, reality hit her hard as an adult. Margot started to feel the pain of abandonment, from her birth father and her adoptive father, and her heavenly Father.
Margot was also going through life with a smile on her face to hide her pain all the while seeking to find the Father that she could trust. What amazed me the most was the fact that Margot studied theology at Princeton and she still struggled to realize that God loves her and God has chosen her and that she could trust Him. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that she had that type of struggle because I think a lot of people do, I know I did. I have a fairly simple faith, I tend not to dig too deep, but I really appreciate the depth of Margot’s faith. I also admire her for never giving up on finding the answers she needed.
While I was reading this book, I did something that goes against my own rules – I dog-eared pages and underlined passages I wanted to remember. There are so many powerful and important lessons for all of us in this book. I especially liked her Tootsie Pop analogy that she used; “I was sooo Tootsie Pop”, Margot says, “The lickin’ I’d been taking felt interminable, and now it felt like I was being crunched up and spit out.”
Margot has had to deal with not just emotional pain in her life, but physical pain as well. She has had pain in her feet for years and sought healing anywhere she could find it. With all my fibromyalgia issues, I can certainly relate to her pain. I also admire her tremendously for working so hard and praying for relief from her pain. She never stopped having faith that she would find help for her pain.
I really enjoyed this book. It is very open and frank, which I’m sure was difficult for Margot, but I know anyone who reads The Girl in the Orange Dress will appreciate her honesty. I know I will use her wisdom and her experiences to help me through those days when I am wondering where God is. I will come back again and again to this book. I feel like I have a new friend in Margot. Get yourself a copy of this book and take this journey with Margot. It will leave you feeling more loved by your Father than you could possibly imagine.
Margot was also going through life with a smile on her face to hide her pain all the while seeking to find the Father that she could trust. What amazed me the most was the fact that Margot studied theology at Princeton and she still struggled to realize that God loves her and God has chosen her and that she could trust Him. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that she had that type of struggle because I think a lot of people do, I know I did. I have a fairly simple faith, I tend not to dig too deep, but I really appreciate the depth of Margot’s faith. I also admire her for never giving up on finding the answers she needed.
While I was reading this book, I did something that goes against my own rules – I dog-eared pages and underlined passages I wanted to remember. There are so many powerful and important lessons for all of us in this book. I especially liked her Tootsie Pop analogy that she used; “I was sooo Tootsie Pop”, Margot says, “The lickin’ I’d been taking felt interminable, and now it felt like I was being crunched up and spit out.”
Margot has had to deal with not just emotional pain in her life, but physical pain as well. She has had pain in her feet for years and sought healing anywhere she could find it. With all my fibromyalgia issues, I can certainly relate to her pain. I also admire her tremendously for working so hard and praying for relief from her pain. She never stopped having faith that she would find help for her pain.
I really enjoyed this book. It is very open and frank, which I’m sure was difficult for Margot, but I know anyone who reads The Girl in the Orange Dress will appreciate her honesty. I know I will use her wisdom and her experiences to help me through those days when I am wondering where God is. I will come back again and again to this book. I feel like I have a new friend in Margot. Get yourself a copy of this book and take this journey with Margot. It will leave you feeling more loved by your Father than you could possibly imagine.
April 22, 2011
This book was on my "to be read" stack for about a year. Then my mother invited me to attend a women's conference with her featuring Margot Starbuck as the speaker. This prompted me to read the book to get a feel for the speaker. I'm glad I did. I passed the book along to my mother, who read it in record time. She went up to Margot that weekend and told her how much she enjoyed the book. I stood next to them tongue-tied. I get so nervous around authors; why is that?
Margot was adopted at a few weeks old. As a child, her adoptive parents divorced with her dad moving to another state. Eventually, a cast of step-parents entered the picture. Margot rationalized it by saying "so many people love me. Look at all the parents I have," while at the same time, denying the deep sense of repeated abandonment that she felt. Little by little, God works through different experiences and people to show her the Father who does not fail.
Margot was adopted at a few weeks old. As a child, her adoptive parents divorced with her dad moving to another state. Eventually, a cast of step-parents entered the picture. Margot rationalized it by saying "so many people love me. Look at all the parents I have," while at the same time, denying the deep sense of repeated abandonment that she felt. Little by little, God works through different experiences and people to show her the Father who does not fail.
June 7, 2011
Surprise, surprise... I really enjoyed this book. I wasn't sure I was going to, not because I don't believe in the importance of a relationship with God, but because I don't care for preachy literature. The Girl in the Orange Dress was not preachy. Starbuck embraces her neuroses as much as the next person. At times, the book is hilarious, while at other times, one can feel her pain. It wasn't overly preachy, and she definitely admits to having faults of her own (as well as the faults of her family), which I'm not used to hearing from an ordained pastor, Presbyterian or not. It was refreshing.
July 22, 2013
This book spoke to me on two different levels. As a person who forgets the incredible depth of God's love for me, it was a good book. As an adoptive mother who is realizing more and more how my children's past colors every day of their lives, it was a great book.
Margot Starbuck shares her own deep struggles in this easy to read - and at times even funny - memoir. The truths she has discovered are significant for adopted children, adoptive parents, anyone who has ever felt rejected by others, anyone who has suppressed painful emotions, and anyone who has trouble believing that God is for them.
Margot Starbuck shares her own deep struggles in this easy to read - and at times even funny - memoir. The truths she has discovered are significant for adopted children, adoptive parents, anyone who has ever felt rejected by others, anyone who has suppressed painful emotions, and anyone who has trouble believing that God is for them.
August 4, 2016
This was a book club pick, and the premise of the story sounded awesome! A girl who's been adopted, and then whose father moves away, looking for a father that'll stick around and ends up realizing who the Man is that she can count on sounds inspiring! Unfortunately, I was not inspired by this book. It made me depressed. Margot Starbuck had come through debilitating pain, both physically and mentally, and I admire that...but the way this book was written did not leave me with an "ahhhhh" feeling.
January 24, 2010
I liked Lauren Winner's review: "She narrates the Christian spiritual life with winsome humor and (occasionally scary) honesty. Pretty much every woman I know will be getting "The Girl in the Orange Dress" for her birthday."
As for me: I closed it with a thank you to Margot for writing and with the name Beloved on my lips and in my soul, whispering its fragrance into the dark, stale recesses of my heart.
As for me: I closed it with a thank you to Margot for writing and with the name Beloved on my lips and in my soul, whispering its fragrance into the dark, stale recesses of my heart.
January 10, 2012
Fantastic. I loved this book. Even though I have a healthy relationship with my Dad, I took a ton away from these pages (in fact, I barely put it down.)
I really reccomend this book for girls of all ages. It's a facinating glimpse of a woman who has suffered much, and the grace God has given her. It is a beautiful story about how much our Heavenly Father loves us. Margot Starbuck is a remarkable woman God will continue to use to touch the lives of countless people.
I really reccomend this book for girls of all ages. It's a facinating glimpse of a woman who has suffered much, and the grace God has given her. It is a beautiful story about how much our Heavenly Father loves us. Margot Starbuck is a remarkable woman God will continue to use to touch the lives of countless people.
September 12, 2011
This book has broken - and helped to repair - my heart. As a mother by adoption, reading Starbuck's memoir on her own adoption (and knowing that she is mother, by adoption, to one of her kids) I hung on every word. Her honestly, truth-telling about the confusion and pain of having parents hurt us or leave, is stunning.
July 20, 2013
A constant reminder of God's unconditional love for us, his desire for us in relational intimacy, the truth of his consistency even through our thoughts of unworthiness, his stability in our hesitant apprehension and most of all clarity of unfailing love with two simple words..."I am" and for me, that's more than enough :)
October 27, 2010
As a foster parent (and potential adoptive parent), I find it really helpful to read memoirs from the perspective of adult adoptees. This book was easy to read and gave me some insight into the author's unique situation. She does so with humor and a lot of honesty.
May 21, 2014
I thought her autobiography-like book would focus more on the subject of the book and less on her day to day life. Wrong. It wasn't a bad book, but I don't feel like it added anything to my knowledge or even entertainment.
September 16, 2010
This was a good read - true story of a girl who was adopted and her spiritual and emotional quest to find a father who "will not fail".
Highly recommended...
Highly recommended...
February 4, 2011
Right now I am enjoying this book. There are some passages that are really speaking to me.
October 3, 2012
I really enjoyed this book by Margot Starbuck for the honesty shared. The author grew up in my neighborhood and I can attest to her spectacular, sun-shiny personality. Courageous!
November 2, 2013
A must read for adoptive parents. Very well written, very honest.
July 22, 2014
I am not sure why I ended up reading this book. But it just did not do it for me. There are some good bits in, but as a memoir it is rather poor.
April 28, 2017
I love thus book. I have recommended that others buy and read it.
April 1, 2010
So far. Pretty awesome.
November 15, 2016
The author touches on issues that adoptee's face, and how she chose to manage those issues.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews