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Secrets of a Nun: My Own Story
Secrets of a Nun is a revealing, uncompromisingly honest, and deeply moving look into one woman's soul.
At fifteen, Elizabeth, a talented athlete, gives up her dreams of competing in the Olympics to become a nun. Separating from her mother and twin sister, she leaves her friends and familiar world behind to pursue a saintly life. But she finds herself unprepared for what lies ahead. While her cloistered life commences as a profound spiritual and emotional journey, personal disenchantment takes root and slowly grows over the next twenty years. Elizabeth recoils against the restrictive atmosphere of convent life. She struggles with conflicting emotions until a forbidden love affair forces her to come to grips with her needs as a woman.
Over the course of striving to find her authentic self, she ultimately feels compelled to leave the Order. A true story inspires this fascinating account of courage and passion. It will shock you and bring a smile to your face as you follow the course of a young woman's obsession to become a spiritual seeker—an obsession that, over time, transforms into a deeply felt desire for personal liberation.
At fifteen, Elizabeth, a talented athlete, gives up her dreams of competing in the Olympics to become a nun. Separating from her mother and twin sister, she leaves her friends and familiar world behind to pursue a saintly life. But she finds herself unprepared for what lies ahead. While her cloistered life commences as a profound spiritual and emotional journey, personal disenchantment takes root and slowly grows over the next twenty years. Elizabeth recoils against the restrictive atmosphere of convent life. She struggles with conflicting emotions until a forbidden love affair forces her to come to grips with her needs as a woman.
Over the course of striving to find her authentic self, she ultimately feels compelled to leave the Order. A true story inspires this fascinating account of courage and passion. It will shock you and bring a smile to your face as you follow the course of a young woman's obsession to become a spiritual seeker—an obsession that, over time, transforms into a deeply felt desire for personal liberation.
243 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1985
214 people are currently reading
98 people want to read
About the author
Elizabeth Upton
25 books62 followersElizabeth Upton is a best-selling author and influential writer of gripping romantic thrillers and inspiring self-help nonfiction books.
Her best-selling books, 'Secrets of a Nun: My Own Story,' 'The Silver Woman of Fire,' and 'The Healing Swords of Love and Innocence,' helped firmly place her on the literary map.
With many novels to her credit, like her newest fiction book, released in June 2022, titled 'Lovers' Secrets and Revenge,' a gripping romantic thriller, and her nonfiction release in Feb. 2024, titled 'You Are a Sovereign Woman of Strength, Love, and Grace: Embrace Your Journey.'
The Author's favorite book she enjoyed writing was 'The Shaman and The Mafia,' as she shares,
"The creation of this story has been an exciting journey. I would love to meet all of the characters in this book in real life. Elizabeth's nonfiction books and novels are available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle and are featured on fine literary book sites and magazines.
Elizabeth was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA., until the age of sixteen, when she entered a New York State Convent and became a nun for twenty years, but she yearned for a more authentic spiritual life. Elizabeth left the convent and chose to attend Syracuse University to earn her B.A.
Returning to her native state of California, she attended and received her M.A. in psychology from Chapman University. The Author began working for over thirty years in family counseling as a social worker and probation officer, working with troubled teens and abused children. She is a speaker, spiritual mentor, and advisor.
Elizabeth is happily married and enjoys writing books for her readers and fans worldwide. When the Author is not writing, she works out with a personal trainer to stay fit and healthy; she loves long walks on the beach with her husband and dog.
She enjoys reading good books by her favorite authors, such as Geraldine Brooks, Jerry Archer, Joseph Murphy, and Michael Connelly. Elizabeth and her husband reside outside Santa Barbara, California.
"EACH DAY, LIVE FROM LOVE, JOY, FORGIVENESS, AND GRATEFULNESS."
~Elizabeth
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
February 20, 2024
As I’ve frequently stated, the memoir genre has become just about my favorite medium for quasi-serious reading. I sometimes indulge in novels for “relaxation and escape”, works on psychology, spirituality, and theology for enlightenment, and documentary and current events for consciousness raising. As it happens, Elizabeth Upton’s narrative fits all of these categories; it is unquestionably an honest and open memoir which reads like a novel, while confronting the serious questions raised by the entire culture of “women religious” in the Catholic Church prior and subsequent to the Second Vatican Council.
As it happens, I was not a “cradle Catholic” myself, but my first (and only) “serious boyfriend” was. In order to marry him, I “signed the promises” to enable a mixed marriage, and shortly after the birth of our first child, became a convert. Thereafter, following the birth of our second child, I began playing “Vatican Roulette” as we referred to periodic abstinence, the only Church-approved method of contraception. From that point on, as explained in my own memoir (“Trust Truth”, published in 2017) I wrestled quite sincerely with the aberrations of “Christian sexual theology”, and what I later came to consider the heresy of refusing to acknowledge that Eros is of equal value as Agape, and that Philios and Storge must be included if Love is to have any spiritual and practical value whatsoever.
I submit the above interjection of personal history because it does, in fact, parallel Upton’s own discoveries as she struggled with her vocation as a nun. The Religious Order of Social Work Sisters which she joined as a 15-year-old, functioning under the Domination Ethos which had become the prime directive of the Church since the days of Constantine, completely negated not only sexual love, but also friendship and nurturing or care-giving love as expressed in ordinary gestures of affection or even giving needed material assistance. The whole notion that one should “make converts” and completely ignore trying to alleviate poverty and eliminate injustice and inequality was a sad distortion of the gospel. The austere lack of personal interaction among the sisters themselves, enforced by the autocracy of the “superiors” who in turn became minions of “the Hierarchy”, in fact completely negated the spirit of “family” which Jesus so clearly demonstrated should be part of the “Kingdom of God”. The notion of “dying to self to live in Christ” became not a guideline for growing out of the ego drives of childhood into the realm of adult responsibility for sharing in Divine Love, and instead, in a memorable phrase Upton uses, of remaining a “girl-nun”; totally obedient in the sense of lacking all independence, volition, or emotional maturity. In sum, I find Sister Rosanne’s /Elizabeth Upton’s story authentic, enlightening and a major contribution to necessary consciousness-raising as our society strives to mature itself during this amazing era.
As it happens, I was not a “cradle Catholic” myself, but my first (and only) “serious boyfriend” was. In order to marry him, I “signed the promises” to enable a mixed marriage, and shortly after the birth of our first child, became a convert. Thereafter, following the birth of our second child, I began playing “Vatican Roulette” as we referred to periodic abstinence, the only Church-approved method of contraception. From that point on, as explained in my own memoir (“Trust Truth”, published in 2017) I wrestled quite sincerely with the aberrations of “Christian sexual theology”, and what I later came to consider the heresy of refusing to acknowledge that Eros is of equal value as Agape, and that Philios and Storge must be included if Love is to have any spiritual and practical value whatsoever.
I submit the above interjection of personal history because it does, in fact, parallel Upton’s own discoveries as she struggled with her vocation as a nun. The Religious Order of Social Work Sisters which she joined as a 15-year-old, functioning under the Domination Ethos which had become the prime directive of the Church since the days of Constantine, completely negated not only sexual love, but also friendship and nurturing or care-giving love as expressed in ordinary gestures of affection or even giving needed material assistance. The whole notion that one should “make converts” and completely ignore trying to alleviate poverty and eliminate injustice and inequality was a sad distortion of the gospel. The austere lack of personal interaction among the sisters themselves, enforced by the autocracy of the “superiors” who in turn became minions of “the Hierarchy”, in fact completely negated the spirit of “family” which Jesus so clearly demonstrated should be part of the “Kingdom of God”. The notion of “dying to self to live in Christ” became not a guideline for growing out of the ego drives of childhood into the realm of adult responsibility for sharing in Divine Love, and instead, in a memorable phrase Upton uses, of remaining a “girl-nun”; totally obedient in the sense of lacking all independence, volition, or emotional maturity. In sum, I find Sister Rosanne’s /Elizabeth Upton’s story authentic, enlightening and a major contribution to necessary consciousness-raising as our society strives to mature itself during this amazing era.
July 25, 2023
A Profoundly Moving Lifestory
Elizabeth Upton entered the Catholic Church novitiate at the age of fifteen, completely sure that dedicating her life to Jesus Christ was her highest calling. Like many of the girls in her generation, Elizabeth was used to following instruction, tradition, as it were, and the rituals of the Church were comforting to her.
The Catholic Church, like any other organization, was subject to the changing tides of society. And, as the 1950's with it's nuclear families, reluctantly and often violently, segued into the 1960's, so, too, did the Church.
While the flower children fought with their parents and the sons of America's families died in a useless war in Vietnam; a subtler battle was being fought in every chapterhouse, novitiate and convent in the Church.
Elizabeth Upton uses the term "girl-nun" to describe the state the Church, it's policies and it's defenders, the Mother Superiors, would keep each nun in for life. Unable to think for herself, strictly following orders and self-effacing at all times, a nun never grew into a woman.
Of course, along with the flower power movement came Vatican II, one of the most chaotic and influential changes in the modern Catholic Church. Suddenly, these girl nuns who had been counseled their entire lives to repress their sinful emotions and live for eternity were exposed to the women's consciousness movement and to free love.
What I admired the most about Elizabeth Upton's book is her integrity and honesty in writing of her experiences that had to be excruciatingly painful. She faced the institutional changes with fiery courage and her own potentially devastating circumstances with bravery and personal power. Anyone facing a "Dark Night of the Soul" should absolutely read this book.
Elizabeth Upton entered the Catholic Church novitiate at the age of fifteen, completely sure that dedicating her life to Jesus Christ was her highest calling. Like many of the girls in her generation, Elizabeth was used to following instruction, tradition, as it were, and the rituals of the Church were comforting to her.
The Catholic Church, like any other organization, was subject to the changing tides of society. And, as the 1950's with it's nuclear families, reluctantly and often violently, segued into the 1960's, so, too, did the Church.
While the flower children fought with their parents and the sons of America's families died in a useless war in Vietnam; a subtler battle was being fought in every chapterhouse, novitiate and convent in the Church.
Elizabeth Upton uses the term "girl-nun" to describe the state the Church, it's policies and it's defenders, the Mother Superiors, would keep each nun in for life. Unable to think for herself, strictly following orders and self-effacing at all times, a nun never grew into a woman.
Of course, along with the flower power movement came Vatican II, one of the most chaotic and influential changes in the modern Catholic Church. Suddenly, these girl nuns who had been counseled their entire lives to repress their sinful emotions and live for eternity were exposed to the women's consciousness movement and to free love.
What I admired the most about Elizabeth Upton's book is her integrity and honesty in writing of her experiences that had to be excruciatingly painful. She faced the institutional changes with fiery courage and her own potentially devastating circumstances with bravery and personal power. Anyone facing a "Dark Night of the Soul" should absolutely read this book.
November 9, 2023
Meaningful and Unexpected
First I will explain my subject line briefly. I found this book to be meaningful and even profound. I really enjoyed reading it and hope perhaps there might be a follow up! At the same time, I also never expected that I'd choose a book about a nun. You see, shortly after my birth, I was christened a Catholic but at 7 years of age after my parents divorced, my mom met someone, fell in love, married and we moved from N.J. to Maine. The move was hard on me though I didn't fully realize it immediately. Not too long after my arrival, a new little friend and neighbor invited me to church with her family: it was a Southern Baptist church. I began going regularly and several years later, invited Jesus into my heart and asked forgiveness for my sins. I don't have any memory of whether or not my parents ever took me to the Catholic church or any other one in NJ. In Maine, my mom and then stepfather would occasionally go for a special occasion or holiday. I was once very faithful to my church. It shaped me. But I too fought a few internal battles regarding what I thought the Lord wanted of me, what others expected of me, what others (including my family) needed FROM me, and, as I grew older, I slowly began to look at what I wanted and needed which I must say feels very strange when you have always put others first! In that regard, maybe deciding to buy this book was no coincidence at all...
I found the writer seems very genuine, honest and humble. She has great insight -- once she began to allow herself to know on a conscious level, what she was battling and allowed a deeper understanding of herself in all her glorious imperfection! Elizabeth is an excellent writer and I found myself reluctant to put the book down and get stuff done before hurrying back to it. The book is easy to follow and well edited. I will easily recommend!
First I will explain my subject line briefly. I found this book to be meaningful and even profound. I really enjoyed reading it and hope perhaps there might be a follow up! At the same time, I also never expected that I'd choose a book about a nun. You see, shortly after my birth, I was christened a Catholic but at 7 years of age after my parents divorced, my mom met someone, fell in love, married and we moved from N.J. to Maine. The move was hard on me though I didn't fully realize it immediately. Not too long after my arrival, a new little friend and neighbor invited me to church with her family: it was a Southern Baptist church. I began going regularly and several years later, invited Jesus into my heart and asked forgiveness for my sins. I don't have any memory of whether or not my parents ever took me to the Catholic church or any other one in NJ. In Maine, my mom and then stepfather would occasionally go for a special occasion or holiday. I was once very faithful to my church. It shaped me. But I too fought a few internal battles regarding what I thought the Lord wanted of me, what others expected of me, what others (including my family) needed FROM me, and, as I grew older, I slowly began to look at what I wanted and needed which I must say feels very strange when you have always put others first! In that regard, maybe deciding to buy this book was no coincidence at all...
I found the writer seems very genuine, honest and humble. She has great insight -- once she began to allow herself to know on a conscious level, what she was battling and allowed a deeper understanding of herself in all her glorious imperfection! Elizabeth is an excellent writer and I found myself reluctant to put the book down and get stuff done before hurrying back to it. The book is easy to follow and well edited. I will easily recommend!
December 13, 2022
What A Journey and Life Experience...
What an interesting journey with life experiences the author has had. Her memoir is an enjoyable but very poignant true story and life account with lived experiences the author lived through as she shares transparently. The book itself is well-written and reads as if two old friends ran into each other who have not seen each in years are having coffee and catching up.
Although the book starts out a little slower than I'd like, the slow burn of her life begins to build as you read and continues to grow as her life story takes some unforgettable twists and turns. The trauma of being taken away from her family, and torn from her twin sister as the author was a rising star athlete had to feel unnatural.
Being then sent to a Catholic convent to the order of nuns in New York state is only the tip of the iceberg within the pages of this memoir. It will have you cheering for her when she finds her spiritual freedom and so much more within in life journey. You will shed some tears, laugh out loud, and have some sighs of relief as you read along.
Sometimes we take a detour in life that we may not have chosen, and it may not fit who and how we feel are our true authentic selves. This author/woman had the audacity to search and find hers.
An incredible story that I highly recommend for all women to read.
Cat Lyon's Reading Den/Lyon Literary Services
December 17, 2022
Ritual
How many times does a ritual become a habit that we don't realize is not in our best interest? This book absolutely defines that subject. The Secrets of a Nun begins so slowly that a reader without perseverance might give up on it. Try to continue on. This story is of ritual, mental torment and a feisty nun who really doesn't have a grip on life outside of the Catholic religion. As she pulls back the veil, one is really able to understand why a nun would leave the order or Catholics lapse in their personal beliefs and leave the church. Four stars only because of the slow beginning. You may wonder as I did why it took so long for her to live life. Thank you Dr. Ortiz.
How many times does a ritual become a habit that we don't realize is not in our best interest? This book absolutely defines that subject. The Secrets of a Nun begins so slowly that a reader without perseverance might give up on it. Try to continue on. This story is of ritual, mental torment and a feisty nun who really doesn't have a grip on life outside of the Catholic religion. As she pulls back the veil, one is really able to understand why a nun would leave the order or Catholics lapse in their personal beliefs and leave the church. Four stars only because of the slow beginning. You may wonder as I did why it took so long for her to live life. Thank you Dr. Ortiz.
July 12, 2024
Entering a very strict sect of Catholic sisters at age 15, Elizabeth was impetuous and idealistic. The order was largely resistant to changes happening in the church at that time. Almost all physical contact was forbidden, and often the sisters in charge seems angry and rigid. Thankfully there were also kind people along the way, some, but not all of them in the religious life.
Seen as wilful and rebellious, Elizabeth was transferred frequently even when doing important meaningful work. These relocations often happened very quickly with no consideration for who might be affected. Controlling a person because she had a mind of her own seemed to be the issue. For her to reach a better understanding of herself took over 20 years.
Seen as wilful and rebellious, Elizabeth was transferred frequently even when doing important meaningful work. These relocations often happened very quickly with no consideration for who might be affected. Controlling a person because she had a mind of her own seemed to be the issue. For her to reach a better understanding of herself took over 20 years.
December 14, 2025
Secrets of a Nun is a rare memoir that blends emotional honesty with striking literary clarity. Elizabeth Upton’s voice is confident yet vulnerable, allowing readers to feel the intensity of her spiritual, personal, and psychological journey without ever sensationalizing it. The writing is richly detailed and deeply introspective, offering insight into an inner world shaped by faith, discipline, and the search for identity. What stands out most is the author’s courage—her willingness to be raw, self-revealing, and unflinching. This is a compelling and thoughtful memoir that lingers long after the final page.
December 21, 2025
What impressed me most about Secrets of a Nun is how real and unfiltered the author allows herself to be. There’s something incredibly moving about the way she describes moments of inner struggle. Like her strict novitiate training or the emotional weight of preparing for her final vows, and how those experiences shaped her. I appreciated her honesty in exploring both her devotion and her doubts, especially in scenes where she wrestles with expectations placed on her. The storytelling feels intimate without being dramatic, and it’s easy to admire the strength behind her self-reflection. I absolutely recommend.
June 24, 2024
I was intrigued by the title as it's not something you normally hear about. The book doesn't disappoint, going into detail about all sorts of things nuns did and suffered in the mid-20th century in the US. I was surprised by the amount of internal politics and back-stabbing, and by some of the rules, but the book covers a time period when things were starting to change. I would love to read a sequel!
December 14, 2025
This memoir is powerful, honest, and surprisingly easy to connect with. Elizabeth Upton shares her experiences in a way that feels genuine and deeply human, without ever overwhelming the reader. Her reflections on faith, identity, and personal growth are thoughtful and heartfelt. It’s the kind of book that leaves you thinking long after you finish it, appreciating the strength behind her story.
November 6, 2023
Superficial and immature
There seemed to be no pressing reason to read this book. There seemed to be nothing creative to learn from it and not much to enjoy. I never did develop empathy for for the protagonist, so her mental struggles seem simplistic.
There seemed to be no pressing reason to read this book. There seemed to be nothing creative to learn from it and not much to enjoy. I never did develop empathy for for the protagonist, so her mental struggles seem simplistic.
April 20, 2025
Honest and joyful
This is the story of a nun who in the second decade of her perpetual vows, learns she doesn’t have to be a professed religious to love and serve God and all of his children. Well written.
This is the story of a nun who in the second decade of her perpetual vows, learns she doesn’t have to be a professed religious to love and serve God and all of his children. Well written.
July 7, 2025
Loses Focus
It's well-written when it describes the main character's experience as a nun, unfortunately it starts to read like a romance novel.
It's well-written when it describes the main character's experience as a nun, unfortunately it starts to read like a romance novel.
July 27, 2024
it was interesting, but not enough for me to research any further
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews