Key players :
Cilla = the spoiled witch aka flaky user
Angelina = the weepy limp bizkit cum long-suffering older sista
Terzan Helios = Not-so-smooth manipulator, who gets a double whammy : Blindness from an accident & dumped by Cilla da brat
MR is obviously fond of the A-ending names : Crisulla, Cilla, Lira, Angelina, it’s surprising Cruella wasn’t included in the mix. She has a flair for overwrought, poofy style that dealt a stinging blow to my senses. My head is still spinning & my eyeballs are burning from not-so-subtle metaphors & mirth-inducing purple prose. This book is Stunning, w/ a capital S, as in, stunningly bad. It takes a lotta confidence to crank out a hysterical, OTT cheez-a-thon like SBB. It reads more like a manual for Greek customs, cuisine & Gods for a potential tourist. Not to mention there’s the pages & pages of never-ending, long-winded Greek wedding ceremony & rituals. Romance takes a backseat ! It’s exhausting just scrolling thru’ the painful minutiae of rituals.
<< Cilla jerked. Terzan finally clenched. She blushed. Disembodied lips. >>
<< He swooped upon her mouth with the precision of a bee in search of nectar and kissed her until she felt drained, storm-tossed in a sea of turbulent passion. >>
Just a taste of the cringe-worthy, overly-descriptive writing. I don’t wanna visualize nectar-filled, bee-stung lips =)~ She sure over-used the word ‘storm’, U’d think it was a weather report.
<< ‘That's an old and well-tried trick of yours, my girl,' silently she berated her absent sister, 'dumping a problem in my lap, then running hell for leather out of earshot of a refusal! But it isn't going to work this time. You've swum too far out of my depth and I've no intention of being drowned, on your behalf, in the depths of the Aegean Sea!' >>
Yeah, right. Angie drowns herself in her own stupidity tho’, as she goes nilly willy to Karios as the bearer of bad news.
<< The command was voiced with such unusual sternness that in spite of her indignation she obeyed immediately, slumping into her chair with a force that was far from elegant. >>
Maybe I’m a slow learner, but I can’t seem to master the art of slumping w/ elegance. Whoevah said ‘Practice makes purrfect’ is full of B.S., dude ! I’m an amateur. Sign me up for this class.
<< Numb with disbelief, Angie watched his stiff figure retreating from the dining-room, uncertain whether to give in to frustrated tears or to howls of derisory laughter. >>
It’s simple, really. Flipping a coin woulda resolved her indecisiveness. I vote for hee-haw. Too weepy & annoying.
<< … conditions throughout the islands could be as unpredictable as the nature of the Greek himself, which was why the sun was sulking behind a cloud, the sea tossed with temper and darkly frowning. >>
Peek-a-boo, Mr. Sun ! Pls shine down on meeee… tan me up ! Would this funky-looking, frowning sea be more menacing if it had a pasty uni-brow ?
<< Mercifully, she also seemed immune to waves so rough they had been known to force spicy oaths and hasty prayers from the lips of land-loving peasants.>>
Spicy ? Mayhap the peasants need to cut down on their consumption of chili peppers.
<< The sound, new and different to her ears, made her forcibly aware that she had been transplanted into alien soil; into a land whose sun-baked earth could shrivel tender roots, amongst people whose pride and passion were inherited from legendary ancestors—from Zeus, Lord of Heaven and Prince of Light; from Apollo, the sun-god who could destroy as well as give life; from Ares, the god who loved to go to war, and from Eros, the handsome, blindfolded god of desire and passion who was said to have whetted with blood the grindstone on which he sharpened his arrows. >>
This is all v. fascinating to me *Jaw-cracking yawns*. Thanx for the redundant Greek mythology lessons. I watched Kevin Sorbo’s campy vehicle - “Hercules” to drool over his lick-a-licious washboard abs, but that’s besides the point. Can we puhleaze get on w/ the story ? We know it’s an exotic setting.
<< 'He doth bestride the narrow world. Like a Colossus.' >>
Forgiveth me. I don’th speaketh gibberish, I’m from planeth earth. Layman terms would suffice.
<< 'He has the touch of Midas,' Nikos had boasted, 'he shares the gift of the legendary king who requested of the gods that everything he touched might be turned to gold!' >>
Sigh. Again, w/ the tiresome name-dropping. I thought she’d be done w/ this pattern by now. Ye Gods !
<< each company carrying as its trademark the figure of Helios, the Greek sun god from whom he took his name. >>
Apparently she’s still on a rampage. @ least she’s consistent.
<< 'But what of the little Anghlika who droops like a slender flower beneath a weight of weariness?' >>
Seriously, did the manservant graduate w/ flying colors from a Greek school that teaches flowery poems like this utter crap ?
<< "My wife shall be as a fruitful vine,"' he quoted softly, ' "my children like olive plants round about my table." >>
His wife & kids have a dual role of being his table decorations ?
<< ‘He is not to know,' she finished coolly, 'that what he will actually be witnessing is the merging of a typewriter with a dictating machine.' >>
So it’s a safe bet that the fruit of their loins = a future transcriber
<< It was then, with his hands holding her fast, with pulses pounding and the beat of her heart drumming like the noise of a thousand flapping wings in her ears, that she stopped pretending— faced up to the fact that, in spite of his tyrannical ways, his searing wit and biting tongue, in spite of the fact that he seemed almost to dislike her, she had fallen in love with the autocratic master of Karios . ... >> Chapter 5 = Not even half-way
All ‘cuz he kisses her on their wedding day, for the benefit of the audience. Made me think she’s nevah evah been kissed B4 ?
<< After he had gone Angie remained staring blankly, oblivious to the droning of bees, to the flight of multi-coloured butterflies, to the scent rising from flowers massed around her feet, struggling to digest the unpalatable fact that Terzan Helios had used her gullibility to further his own ends, had stage-managed a scene in which he had starred as a hurt, lonely figure anxious to be reunited with his one remaining relative, acting out the lie with a conviction that had twisted her heartstrings and wrung from her so much sympathy and compassion she had been willing to do anything to ease his misery, even marry him! >>
If this poignant moment is supposed to garner sympathy vote, it misses its mark by a mile. Bleeding heart that she is, the twit got her just rewards. Only in HPlandia a chick’s willing to work for a slave-driver for free & marry the cranky, blind gazillionaire just ‘cuz his aunt shuts the door in his face ? Boo freakin’ hoo.
Strangely, the words “erect” & “olive” pop up frequently, e.g. :
<< The gentle enquiry startled his head erect… >>
<< olive branch…>> << olive tree…>> << olive plants…>>
Calling Goldfinger : << His touch turned the ice in her veins into a torrent of scalding emotion. 'Oh, Terzan!' she sobbed, collapsing trusting as a child into his waiting arms, 'Now that I know you love me, my only fear is the fear of losing you! Nikos says you have the touch of Midas—I'm a beggar in love, please teach me to turn dross into gold ...!' >> She puts out too fast !
Highlighting his swoon-worthy pick-up lines :
<< 'You had a choice, beggar maid, and you opted for the touch of Midas—even pleaded to be taught the secret of turning dross into gold.' >>
<< 'Glika mou!' he groaned hoarsely, nuzzling the sweet bare curve of her shoulder. 'Making love to you inspires in me a dash of madness! Never before have I been so strongly affected by a woman's touch, your gentle hands squeeze like a vice around my heart strings, your childish curves slip like silk through my fingers, I am seduced completely by the scent of roses, pungent as the perfumed cloud that rises above an English garden after a shower of rain. I thought last night was a mirage— which is why I had to return to find out...' >>
CHILDISH CURVES was the trend back then. It boggles the mind.
<< 'According to Greek mythology, the sun god, Helios, chose it as his bride and blessed it with light, warmth, and lush vegetation.' Angie jerked with fright when his dark profile swivelled in her direction and had the feeling that he had a message especially for her when he continued slowly, 'A similar myth recounts that Helios fell in love with the nymph, Rhodon, and named the island after her. Rhodon means rose, a flower that has grown here in profusion since earliest times, along with hibiscus, bougainvillea, jasmine, and honeysuckle.' >> Stop. Plz.
Fav classic line (I’ll use my eyelashes as dusters from now on if I run outta Swifter) :
<< 'Your lashes are so thick they could be used for dusters!' He had responded by growling a laugh against the hollow of her throat, stirring into eruption a sensuous quake that had shaken the very depths of her hungry body. >>
I luv this friggin’ book !