Halfway to Each Other: How a Year in Italy Brought Our Family Home

by Susan Pohlman

The true story of a California couple on the brink of separation who unexpectedly find love again on the Italian Riviera.

Tired, empty, and disillusioned with married life, Susan Pohlman was ready to call it quits. As soon as she and her husband, Tim, wrap up a business trip in Italy, she planned to break the news that she wanted to end their eighteen-year marriage.

During their last day as they walked along the Italian Riviera, Tim fantasizes aloud that, perhaps, they could live there. Susan initially dismisses the notion as nonsense but is inexplicably overwhelmed with a desire to give the marriage another try. Defying all logic, the couple find a school for their children and sign a lease for an apartment. Maybe a life in such a charmed setting could help them find their way back to each other.

Together with their fourteen-year-old daughter Katie and their eleven-year-old son Matt, they trade in their breakneck Los Angeles pace for adventure and a slower, more intimate lifestyle slipping out of the constraints of the traditional American Dream into a dream of their own.

Instead of seeing each other for fleeting moments in the mornings and evenings, the family starts to spend their days together rediscovering the simple joys that bring texture and meaning to all our lives. Travel with them as they stumble upon new customs, explore medieval alleyways, browse street markets, befriend neighbors, learn to cook, and try a new language.

Halfway to Each Other is the remarkable story of an ordinary American family that inspires and offers hope that all of us who find the courage to listen to our hearts and follow our dreams can experience a new beginning.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Travel, Italy, Biography, Book Club, Autobiography

272 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 2009

About the author

Susan Pohlman is a freelance writer, editor, and writing instructor/coach. A frequent presenter at workshops and conferences, her essays have been published in a variety of print and online publications. Though she has lived all over the United States, she now calls Phoenix home and is very happy in the Valley of the Sun.

Reviews

[Sarah Sammis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Susan and Tim Pohlman were on a business trip to Italy, their last trip together before they had plans to divorce. Both realized they were enjoying their trip and their time together. They decided to give their marriage a second chance by selling their home and living in the Rivera for a year. Half Way to Each Other is the memoir of their year in Italy.

The Pohlman family ended up living in an out of the way village. Since it was small and not especially touristy they had to learn how to live like Italians. The memoir covers many of their failures and later successes as they learned how village life works.

Many times throughout the book they are the typical ugly Americans: not bothering to learn how anything works before just jumping in and assuming that everything would be like their pampered life in Los Angeles. They've never made anything from scratch; they expect American style grocery stores; they're afraid of Gypsies and so on. The parents whine as much as the children do when things do go their way.

This sort of journey of rediscovery through a life abroad only works if you have tons of money to spend in the first place. How nice for them to have that ability. I'm not sure they realized just how fortunate they are in that regard.

I enjoyed learning about village life in Italy and when the Pohlmans weren't being stereotypical Americans they seemed like lovely people. I would have preferred to learn more about Italy and less about the state of their marriage but in all fairness, Halfway to Each Other isn't a travel memoir.

[Sandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give this book 3 1/2 starts but I couldn't.

I really enjoyed going to Italy in this book and the writing was good and often funny. The message about American life is very accurate and a good reminder to slow down and get back to basics. Our lifestyle in this country can be downright destructive as we struggle to constantly keep up with the "shoulds" of our lives. Contrasted against the Italian culture, we have some work to do.

I didn't give the book a higher rating because there was something I couldn't get past. Maybe it was the SoCal stereotype of the writer (blond, materialistic, appearance oriented). She did grow while in Italy but I didn't feel like she grew that much. It was a sad goodbye to leave the country but even she implies that they stayed pretty insulated while they lived there. They had a few friends but they didn't do much to learn the language or really get into the culture and traditions. It bothered me for some reason and it flavored the book for me the whole way through.

Still, I would recommend it.

Also, the religious aspect was an important and critical aspect of her story. I liked that faith was pivotal to their success and in turning their marriage around. While not everyone can afford to live in Italy for a year, there are things people can take from the authors experience and apply to their lives wherever they are.

[Jamie Sestak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring and funny story

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book on so many levels. As we reach mid-life, many of experience strains in our marriage. Busy lives, coupled with children, not to mention financial strains--it's no wonder we grow apart from our better half. Susan discusses her marital struggle and the courage that they had in selling their home in CA and moving to Italy to live for a year. It was an act of faith, hope, love, and yes, courage. Halfway to Each Other shares this journey, which saved their marriage.

I remember reading one passage where she saw a field of flowers, which brought back memories of her grandmother. I could relate to that joy of being reconnected via memories to a beloved one in your life. It made me smile. I also loved Susan's description of her time in Italy, the beauty of the country and the kindness of the Italians. I long to return... I loved this book so much, that I shared it with family members, who passed it along to friends. Since my copy of long gone, I'm buying a digital copy--thank you Amazon--so I can re-read this treasure. Did I love it? Most certainly.

[Michele Pfrogner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed the honesty of Pohlman's writing. The descriptions of Italian life, including the unselfishness and "no gratitude expected" help of neighbors, were enticing. Her comparisons to American life, too, were striking: most Americans certainly have our priorities in the wrong order. One question, though, is why the family did not take the time to learn more conversational Italian before the move? To uproot your entire family to foreign soil and not prepare to communicate in that country's language? The author is much braver than me!

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pohlman's work is a charming entry into the American abroad category. There's enough Italian scenery and charismatic Italians to satisfy one's fantasies about an expatriate life, but the heart of her work is the change that happens in Pohlman's marriage and her family. A move to Italy as a last gasp strategy to save a marriage may not be the option most therapists would recommend, but it makes for an enjoyable read of beach picnics, bus strikes and pasta on the terrace.

[Marla Mueller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me laugh, made me cry and got into my soul. I'm not sure if it was because I had just visited Italy, or because this is a true story or just a well written book. Loved it!

[Rebecca · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was so disappointed in this book. The premise is that a couple on the brink of divorce decide spontaneously to spend two years living in Italy to see if they can rekindle their relationship. The book should have been full of introspection and analysis of love and relationships, beautiful descriptions of Italy and its food and countryside, and transformation of a couple's relationship. Instead, the author fills it with the trivial aspects of their lives, i.e., the trouble they have with the buses, how the basketball team isn't on par with the US team, how she can't get the right shade of hair coloring. Unfortunately, she paints herself as the "ugly American." I guess I was expecting something along the lines of "Under the Tuscan Sun" and this book was nothing like it. Cannot recommend.

[Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a bad experience with this book (Four Seasons in Rome) so at first I didn't want to read Halfway since it also took place in Italy. I thought it was going to be another boring book about a family living in Italy, but then I thought hey, don't judge the book by it's setting! haha, and I'm glad I forced myself to start reading this book. Turned out it was a page-turner for me. Although I couldn't relate on some parts because it was from a mother/wife's point of view and I'm only a teenager, I learned so much lesson from this book and I agree that where you live has a big impact on your lifestyle.

This book is full of adventure, risks, love, hope, and GOD! Pohlman had so much faith and trust in God, and that's what I love about her! She taught me that if you just put faith in God and let him do the work, things will happen at the right time.

[Gregg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent recounting of a family's life abroad, and how it transformed the dynamic of a marriage, moving into a more positive relationship. Very well written.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not my typical genre, but it read like a story rather than a biography. Kept my interest and learned a lot about Italy.

[Sophia Dyer • bookishly.vintage · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do not normally read biographies, nor did I know this was one until after I purchased it at a local thrift store. That being said, I thought this book was beautiful. It contained all the ups and downs in trying to fix her marriage, as well as her personal struggles, culture shock, and travels all around Europe. This book is packed full with a little something for everybody, whether you are having troubles with your marriage or not.

My favorite part of this book was the food being discussed, and how important it was for Pohlman to detail out the different restaurants she went to. I love trying new restaurants no matter where I go, and I think I would definitely gain weight in Italy by eating so much food! Also, all the places they visited or even where they lived was so picturesque and detailed out that I could envision them in my mind. How amazing a world with colors such as those must be.

Reading a lot of historical fiction myself, it is always different and unique to hear about the culture in a country where you were not raised in. Pohlman was constantly pointing out how differently things were done in America, both the good and the bad, and how quickly she surrendered over to their cultural ticks instead of constantly fighting against them. It has me wondering if somebody could truly get over some of those ticks.

Overall, this was a slow read for me because I wanted to savor Italy as much as Pohlman did. Being a military wife, I can only hope to go oversees for travel or residency, but also understand how incredibly different and difficult it could be, especially considering I have never even moved out of my home state. It is incredibly noteworthy and brave what the Pohlman family did, especially with their two teenagers in tow, and I think they, and their marriage, came out better for it. Must read!

[Christie Munson Muller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love to support local authors and I also love memoir. I met the author through various local writing groups and conferences. "Halfway to Each Other" was a charming story of a couple taking a leap of faith with a move to Italy during a challenging time in their marriage. I enjoyed learning about this family's physical move and spiritual journey fraught with culture shock, language barriers and challenges both large and small, as they adjust to the Italian way. The vignette-style chapters were an easy read and were filled with engaging descriptions of the sights, smells and sounds of the Italian Riviera. I could relate to several European elements - language barriers, laundry hung out for all to see, topless beaches, transportation strikes, many courses in a meal - as I'm married to a Frenchman and these elements are similar in France! I enjoyed this book and it has inspired a trip to Italy sooner than later.

[Barbara Osten · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a longtime fan of adventure and travel memoirs, Susan Pohlman’s book didn’t disappoint. It begins with a courageous decision made by a couple spiraling towards divorce to uproot their family and move to Italy for a year. With a touch of divine intervention here and there, they naively land in the new country unprepared for the particulars of its culture. Their start is somewhat challenging, but eventually, they adjust and create a year full of amazing experiences and memories for both their children and themselves as a couple. While Pohlman admits this move is a form of extreme marital therapy, sometimes it takes a real shakeup to find out what truly matters. Overall, this book is an enjoyable read and left me cheering for the family’s success in staying and growing together.

[Angela Yarborough · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book inspired me in several different ways. This couple who was on the brink of divorce, decided to drop everything and take an adventure together as a family.

I love adventures in new places (countries). It tends to bring out the best in you. As you step out of your own bubble of familiarity, you have no choice to come together and work together.

I felt like I was right there with them in Italy.

I love that this book was written as a true story of the author’s experiences.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a sweet story about a family who up and moved across the world to Italy for a year in hopes of healing their marriage and keeping their family together. It did seem a bit odd to me that they didn't spend more time actually learning Italian or the ways of Italians, but this moving there for a year stirred my heart.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked Susan Polman's writing style and her ability to tell her story. Very frank, but also annoying in the way she parented, the way she made decisions etc; I find it amazing that this couple managed to put their marriage on a more solid footing given the circumstances.

[Rita Mantone · Rating 5 out of 5]

What’s not to love?

A move to Italy. A broken marriage made whole again in God’s Grace. A family bound together in an Italian adventure. Food, friendships, love. I enjoyed Halfway to Each Other very much.

[Patricia in New Mexico · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though not many of us can take a year off of life to focus on our marriages, the author shares some insights that are worth considering. I recommend this book as a slow read. The author's experience stays with me even now after I've put it down.

[Judi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the writing and the overall story very much. The journey/adventure is enticing.
Just a bit too much biblical reference for my taste.

[Katie Gorman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read, started out much as a page turner but was a little too long. I loved the premise and perspective it brings you the American dream/expectations. How much does it all matter.

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fun glimpse into this family's time in Italy.

It was inspiring to read how a change of pace helped bring their family closer.

Loved it!

[Debbie Beeman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed it because I have been to most of the places she talked about. I think I would have done more research about the country I was moving to before I went but that is me.

[Christine Markel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book on so many levels. It is truly a lesson on what is important. How slowing down and disconnecting has a way of healing our souls and bringing us together.

[Cheryl Tucker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed reading this book. I have also learned-not by living in Italy- that less is best and there are so many joys in life when I give up control and listen for Gods voice.

[Joanne]

Didn't make it too far in this one as it's really more about her family than Italy. Not bad, just not what I was looking for.

[Kelly Boggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met Susan at AZ Author's Festival this past spring. I bought her book because I thought the premise was beautiful...reconciliation and redemption. I finally picked it up in July and fell in love in love with the setting, the family, the neighbors, the culture. It reads a little like journal entries about different aspects to fitting in to this new life in Italy, but she weaves events and feelings, and growth throughout the overall story. Some of her lines jumped off the page for her beautiful and heartfelt writing.

I was pleasantly surprised with the thread of faith that ran throughout the book. I couldn't believe her struggle with God from the very beginning as I've felt the very same way during times, even recently. Loved it so much!

[Christina Huvelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed spending a year in Italy with Susan and her family this weekend. Having lived abroad, I know how difficult that transition is from tourist to resident - and how painful the departure for home is at the end of it all.
The leaping into the unknown to become comfortable in one's own skin, and the leaning into the discomfort to find the sweet spot of trust in God were highlights in this honest, often raw journey. Thank you, Susan!

[Robyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Susan and Tim's marriage is failing due to what they both feel is a lack of connection brought about by their busy, yet very separate, life activiities. In what the author describes as a "last-ditch" attempt to save their marriage, they decide to leave their home and job in the States and move their family to Italy for a year and focus on their relationship and their family. Nice concept, if you can afford it! I found it interesting, but I wish the author had spent a bit more time describing her experience with the landcape and lifestyle of Italy and less time on some of the more trivial things, like her experience getting her hair coloured. I also did not read anying in her descriptions of her issues with her husband that led me to agree that their marriage was so close to being unfixable. Having "busy lives" and "demanding careers" just don't seem like such insurmountable issues in comparison with crippling financial debt, addiction issues, infedelity or any other number of things couples have to overcome without being able to afford the luxury of dealing with their issues via a travel adventure. Perhaps their issues ran much deeper, but I was not able to see it based on the description given in the book. Still, I do applaud their drastic choice and decision to actuall work to fix the relationship.

[Carmen · Rating 4 out of 5]

An upscale couple in Los Angelos are suffering. Their marriage is breaking apart, the family is losing its bonds, so they decide to divorce or make a great change. They move to Italy. Their expectation is that they can live for two years with the proceeds from the sale of their home. So they move to Genoa. (neither one is Italian). They bring their two children. Of course moving to a place where they don't know the language, the customs and the expectations brings its own challenges. But they are also able to spend time with each other. The children are not running off to friends' houses, playing computer games in their rooms, being driven to one activity to another. Dad is not working many hours every day. He is now involved in their home lives. And the couple have time for each other. They are able to discover the reasons why they married each other in the first place.
Moving to a new place means letting go of control. You have no idea what can happen. This solution would not work for most couples, but it did work for this couple.