My Life with Charles Manson

by Paul Watkins

Once, Charles Manson's #2 man, Paul Watkins, believed in the Family and trusted Manson with his life. That was before the Tate/LaBianca murders, before the bizarre warning signals that "Helter Skelter was coming down." Now in MY LIFE WITH CHARLES MANSON, he recalls with chilling, hour-by-hour detail how he came to join the Family and how, from the beginning, they were programmed-by sex, drugs and music-to kill and die for a man who would as easily have cut their throats. He describes the "creepy crawly nights" which were rehearsals for murder... and Manson's richly embroidered ceremonial vest which depicted scenes of Family life and was woven partly in human hair... MY LIFE WITH CHARLES MANSON is a story of violence against body, mind and soul-perhaps the most shocking story ever told.

Genres: True Crime, Nonfiction, Crime, Memoir, History, Cults, Autobiography

278 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1979

About the author

Paul Watkins, a member of Charles Manson's "family," was not involved in the infamous Tate/LaBianca murders, but testified for the prosecution in the Manson trial, specifically about Manson's theory of "Helter Skelter."

Reviews

[Fishface · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could give this one ten stars. It answered so many of my questions about how the Manson Family worked, how it drew people in and kept them with Charlie. It also told us much more about the Family members and the people around them. Thank you, Paul, for clearing so much of this up for me. He goes deeply into what it was like to leave the Family and be deprogrammed, then get drawn back in and actually step back into his old role as Manson's right-hand man, then leave...again! I say this about a lot of books I like, but -- no fooling -- READ. THIS. BOOK.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was fortunate enough to find a PDF version of this book on ScribD because it's selling for around $300 (new) and $140 (used) on a certain big website!

This was a fascinating look at the Manson Family from a high-placed member, Paul Watkins. He was an 18-year-old who in the space of a year with the Family became Manson's second-in-charge. In interviews I've seen with him, he came across as someone who was a true flower child, wanting to find a place where he could love and be loved. He found that in the early iteration of the Family, where it was all about taking drugs, getting laid, and finding inner peace through confronting your fears.

After about a year, Watkins started getting a bad vibe. He left the Family a couple of months before the Tate-LaBianca murders. Without access to TV or newspapers, he didn't learn until later of the Family's involvement. Because he had been so deeply involved and so programmed, he went back to the Family for a while after Charlie and the others had been arrested. He ended up testifying against them.

There was a lot of cosmic junk here that I found absurd, but I found his explanation for why so many kids who came from a good upbringing were drawn to Manson very plausible. He was drawn in by the love and openness he felt initially, but mainly by the music. It wasn't until later that Manson's psychosis became more pronounced and began to infect the group.

Watkins seems to have finally found peace but died of leukemia in 1990, at the age of 40.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone inordinately fascinated with the late 1960s, when I was born, and, in particular, with the Manson Family and their participation in horrific acts of violence, this was the best book I have read on how/why Charles Manson was able to develop such power over his followers and convince them to do truly terrible things. It has been out of print for years, but I found it on Scribd.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best Manson family autobiography by far. Paul Watkins is an interesting guy - he was a pioneer of the psychedelic and hippie movements, and a really smart, tuned-in guy. He quickly defected the family before things got bad, but this is the best first hand account that I have read. So sad that he passed away at a young age. I would highly recommend.

[Bobby Daugherty · Rating 3 out of 5]

An inside account of the Manson family before it became violent. When one remembers how naive young people are and how exceptionally ignorant liberal/hippie types are it is not as surprising that things escalated as they did. So many points in this book are red flags and yet the author continues and the parts that are supposed to be the "good times" are little more than a recollection of homeless drug addicts having group sex without having bathed in a long time.

[M A R I E ⋆:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting, quick read. It provides a good understanding of the pathology and cultural reasons for the Manson Group murders. A worthwhile read of a young man who embraced peace and just wanted the carefree promise of the '60x of sex, drugs and rock and roll, but ended up in an egomaniac's orbit. Paul Watkins is explaining his personal history. He went on with his life. His intelligence led to his being part of the conviction of Manson at a time when the prosecution needed to prove motive for a conspiracy conviction. Paul described Manson as "pure ego". Paul's legacy is his positive impact on friends, family community and humanity. Paul helped people and scholars understand the pitfalls of cults and I'm sure served to save people from becoming immersed such tragic situations. A great read, I'm glad he got away from these so called "friends" and lived a productive life afterwards.

fyi, I had to find a pdf of this book because it's not in publication any longer, an original copy costs over $500

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think its one of the most honest and accurate portrayal of the Manson family and the control Manson has over his followers, but the control was quite evident during his trial.

[Sandra Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I grew up near Spahn and so I was curious about this book. Paul Watkins may have been somewhat less creepy than the rest of the Manson family.

[Kitty · Rating 4 out of 5]

1. There were times when I was reading this where I would catch saying tiny things here and there where I knew he was either ommiting something (which could have been done for a variety of reasons) or where he was emphasizing something when it didn't exactly make sense for him to be doing so. I wondered what was up with this until I noticed at the end he talked about going on tour with notorious psychopath Vincent Bugliosi. I'm sure Vincent found some way for him to be compensated for his time (and to Paul's credit, he's very up front about when and where he took money from people following the murders). But considering what we know now about the murders, I can't help but wonder if maybe some of Paul's story wasn't retrofitted to adhere to the narrative Bugliosi was pushing during the trial.

2. Other than that, this book is a fantastic resource. Paul provides detailed accounts of day-to-day life and group dynamics in the family, as well as talks about many lesser-known members and provides invaluable details on their lives during this time. I read this book as part of a larger research project I'm working on, which quickly proved invaluable.


It's a shame this book is out of print and can't be found at a decent price because it is WONDERFUL. It should be up there with Diane Lake's memoir as one of the best books by former family members, if for no other reason than it doesn't parade the same tired Family facts we've all seen before. Want to read about Paul giving head to Charlie? About ex-family members sitting up in the middle of the night with a wrinkled old psychic miner while they watch Charlie crawl around on the floor in an attempt to sneak into Barker ranch? Want a timeline on when the girls shaved their heads, or how Charlie handled the other male members of the group, or how the family performed sexually for the Hollywood elite? Then this is your book. This thing is so packed with fresh details and information it should be considered a must for any Family scholar. If you're considering shelling out the cash for this, but are unsure if it's worth it, rest assured you'll get your money's worth.

[Drew Walsh · Rating 3 out of 5]

The only reason I'm giving this book 3 stars and not 4, is I think Paul isn't completely reliable. I noticed one particular blatant lie; whether it's on the part of him or Juanita Wildebush I'm not sure but it makes me question other parts of Paul's account and if he changed others things to avoid implicating himself.

This is the lie: In Paul's account, he says very clearly that on the way back to the ranch after the bus broke down, they all split up and went their separate ways, he states very clearly that he went alone and wanted time alone after being cramped in the bus for so long. In his account, he's picked up by Jaunita Wildebrush, who ends up joining the family. This directly contradicts her own account written in this dailymail article:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...

"After finding a replacement stereo in San Jose, she came across a pregnant woman who was holding up a sign that said 'Los Angeles.' Wildebush offered to give her and the two men she was with a ride.

The hitchhiker was Manson Family member Susan 'Sadie' Atkins, who would later be convicted for her participation in the Tate-LaBianca murders.

Wildebush said that as soon as Atkins got into the van, 'she starts telling me about "the Family" and how they’re a band, how they sang with the Beach Boys. I liked her right away.'

She drove them to Spahn Ranch in San Fernando Valley, where Manson lived with his commune following his stays at a flophouse in the Topanga Canyon area and Beach Boy Dennis Wilson's Pacific Palisades home."

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has been out of print for years and is apparently almost impossible to find, so I consider myself very lucky to have gotten a copy to read through Interlibrary Loan.

In all honesty this book was just a lot of drugs, a lot of sex, and a lot of wackadoo speeches from Manson, but somehow it worked. I was fascinated by Paul's stories, and I couldn't put it down while reading it.

That being said, I still prefer Dianne Lake's memoir.

[Amy Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book telling first-hand about living with the Manson Family and ups and down that went along with it. Seeing Watkins's turmoil and meeting the people he and a couple other family members met met in Death Valley who helped them make one of the biggest decisions of their lives was pretty deep. Recommend to anyone within interest in the Family

[Leland Dalton · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the better books written by an ex Manson Family member. The only issue, of course, is that this book is hard to find. Paul was Charlie's right hand man, thus, in turn, we get a front row seat through the pages of this book. Definitely one of the best, if not the best, Manson Family books.

[William · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not good at all. Hippies were awful sexist wasters. Gullible fools.

[Melissa Kunzweiler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting. cool to hear another Manson family members story. I read this from archive.org for free which was very nice but there were a ton of typos!

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Little Paul" Watkins' book provides a unique insight to Manson himself.

[Kim Hamilton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a true crime buff so I’ve always had a morbid fascination — and unrelenting fear and outrage — of Charles Manson and his family. As a one-time psych major, I’m forever asking WHY? And HOW?
I was very curious to read how Paul Watkins was able to escape Manson and get deprogrammed.
This book is out of print and extremely expensive, but I fortunately found a free download. Lots of details about life at Spahn’s Ranch and at Barker Ranch. Lots of surprising details about the sex life of the family members. He did not make excuses for his actions like many others have, but he also was not driven to commit murder like others. I felt he glossed over a few areas, but still a must-read for a true crime fan.

[Smith White · Rating 2 out of 5]

Paul Watkins tells us he will retell his life with Manson... but then goes on to spout hippie LSD-laden nonsense for the entire work, with his poor mastery evident on every page.

Definitely not recommended for anyone looking for excitement or educational material.

[Joseph Kirkham · Rating 5 out of 5]

...