Since Then: Poems and Short Prose

by Sheila Bender

A mother grapples with the long-ago loss of her son through poignant poems and letters addressed to him.

"Sheila Bender's new volume SINCE THEN is a remarkable poetic account of the way a human being can transform mortal heartbreak into a sustaining love of the world. Sonically lush, elegantly imaginative, and formally diverse, the poems act as direct and indirect milestones in the life of a mother looking back on the life of a son who died decades ago. Pushing courageously beyond the keening of maternal pain, they depict her path forward into a radical appreciation of the present moment. Guided by four epistolary prose poems addressed to her son, the book is alive with both her striking self-examining lyrics about him as well as more outward-looking poems about the grace of our natural environment and the enhancing particularity of things. For me, the overarching achievement of Since Then is its rendering the way in which grief can--over time--be infused with a kind of receptive, awe-ready sentience that holds to memory while accepting finality. As she says in "Now," the book's deeply moving final poem, she has come to "savor who [her son] will always be." Readers who commit to Sheila Bender's profoundly personal and philosophical verse exploration will find that this collection is near epic in its scope and project.

"'I read time now like a book,' Sheila Bender says, 'this life / broken into before and after.' Alternately heartbreaking and redemptive, the poems in this radiant collection teach us how to live with incalculable loss--the death of one's child--and then go on, 'climbing toward the brightness we shared.' Artfully structured, each section of the book introduced by letters to her son, these intimate and consoling poems are a record of alert and tender noticing, of life deeply lived and celebrated, and of the hard-won knowledge that 'sorrow doesn't have to be an unending pall but a source of deep loving.' Isn't this why we read poetry? Since Then will go on the shelf of books I turn to for succor and delight, for help finding the way forward with grief into 'the only present possible,' alive and infused with wonder. The book is a gift to the world."--Alison Townsend, Emerita Professor English, author of Persephone in America and The Blue Dress

Poetry.

110 pages, Paperback

Published June 20, 2022

About the author

Sheila Bender is the founder of Writingitreal.com. She teaches online and in-person offering classes and writing consults by Zoom as well.

Her passion is to facilitate those who write from personal experience. Visit her at WritingItReal.com and look for her classes as well at Il Chiostro, Women on Writing, and the International Association for Journal Writing.

Reviews

[Gloria Moldow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peri Klaus, a regular contributor to The NY Times, recently reminded readers that “there is no ‘right’ way to grieve, that it’s a piece of living we each have to explore in a way that reflects the person you are and also the person you’ve lost.” That sentiment accurately describes Sheila Bender’s recently published book of poems and reflections, “Since Then,” written over the past 19 years in response to her young son’s tragic death. Bender shares her unique, yet universal, “pieces of living” prompted by flashes of memory and loss that intrude in ordinary moments as she views the natural world and engages in routine connections with neighbors and family. But to view Bender’s work merely as a comfort for those who mourn would be a mistake. Her pieces are a guide for all who feel loss or disappointment or sorrow, in other words, for anyone human. Her unique responses show us a way to celebrate life and loss and give them both greater meaning. This is a bedside book I recommend wholeheartedly, for anyone.

[wonkagranny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Longing mixed with acceptance and hope. That is the grief Sheila Bender revisits in her book Since Then, two decades after the death of her son, Seth. I am especially touched by the letters to him that begin each section of the book and the final note to Seth on his birthday. Parents aren’t meant to outlive their children, so the world becomes a topsy turvy unending whirl of emotions when it happens. What if? Seeing a stranger at a distance, thinking this should be you, my son. In her grief, Sheila found solace in keeping contact with Seth through chatty missives of everyday life and news of those he was close to. She celebrates all he accomplished in his too-short life. Her poems follow her throughout the world, often poignant, as she wishes her son could share the experiences. A book of powerful images and loving tributes to be savored slowly. Grief is a human experience we cannot avoid and Sheila’s book is an excellent guide to making sorrow inform joy.

[Sharon M · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's much comfort in Sheila Bender's book which deals primarily with grief and loss,
looking forward and reflecting back over time. A tender letter to her deceased son, Seth, opens each of the four sections. The book's poems cleverly interweave family stories with more universal experiences, using a wide variety of subject matter. The poems vary in length, are mostly free verse but include an occasional haiku, pantoum or villanelle. The effect is to create subtle emotional shifts throughout the book. I loved the way the book progressed naturally within these constructs and how insights were revealed. Too many great lines to quote, but this, on P.74:
/ how a mother can grieve her son and at the same time continue with his life alongside hers/

[Morgan Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since Then: Poems and Short Prose, by Sheila Bender is sad, resilient, and beautiful. Sheila’s work is honest and vulnerable, and she invites readers to places we may have already visited, or to one we hope never to go. We stand with her as she grieves the losses in her life, including her son in his twenties. But, we also see that she has moved into the present, while honoring her son’s well-lived, but short, life. A letter to her son, December Night, 2015 shows us how she does this. Sheila chooses her words carefully, and with precision, illuminating her experiences. You will turn page after page to see what she shares next.

[Elena Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful collection of poems and poetic essays that manage to uplift the spirit while not shying away from the outpouring of a mother's endless grief for the loss of her son.
The poems reach the heart with insight and stir deep emotions that took me through the sadness. The writer's courage to share encouraged me. Her essays/letters to her son provide the framework for understanding the emotional context from whence come the poems. A beautiful work that is meant for anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one - in other words, all of us.

[Mary Kurtz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sheila Bender eloquently places a journey of mourning on the page in Since Then: Poems and Short Prose. Each year she returns to the anniversary and heartache of the loss of her son. But as she does, she also finds comfort in the ritual. In “December 27,” she lays an illumination of light that was her son’s life, declaring, “It is good to conjure you.” Her poems and short prose are beautiful tributes to Seth, reminiscent of the heart of Ted Kooser’s lovely poem, Mother.

[Nyla Darttt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to read every page. It came at the right time as I too was dealing with the blows of new losses during CoVid. I've read so many of her books, especially her first book of poetry detailing the loss of her son. So I've followed her outpouring of grief, and loss at the same time as her gratitude for the joyful moments that arrive unexpectedly.
Thank you Sheila for this outstanding work that mixes prose and poems so expertly.

[Ruth Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sheila Bender's recent collection of poems and short prose guides the reader through a kaleidoscope of responses to loss of a beloved. She reflects primarily on the untimely death of her son, but also on other losses reported and absorbed. The combination of poetry and prose works beautifully to convey the breadth and depth of the grief that comes, in time, alas, to all of us. I come away from this moving sojourn not despairing but enlightened and consoled.

[Christi Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

A profound and beautiful reading experience pondering death, life, and family history through poems and letters. The four part structure "follows the trajectory of living with the joy and sorrow that exists -- at once old and ever new in us after loss(s)." Quote is from Ted Rynearson MD, Virginia Mason Grief Services. A keeper.

[Ssr · Rating 5 out of 5]

A special collection! Since Then is an altogether beautiful (and beautifully organized) book of poems with prose that enriches the poems. It is a book that will go to your heart without insulting your mind.
Clear, accessible, crafted, and deeply human, Since Then deserves to be read, and needs to be read, especially by those who have lost and seek renewal of spirit. Who does that not include?

[Virginia Amis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book slowly, over a few months because it moved me at my core. Sheila shares a deep longing for a loved one lost so tragically, yet she does not leave us in the past with her memories. She brings her son into the present by sharing with him (and the reader) each experience she has had as though he never left. He is alive on every page.

[Jackie Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot help but believe Sheila's beautifully written poems for and about the loss of her son and others she loved will be a comfort and enlightenment for many. Aside from the fact she is an excellent poet, teacher and mentor, her willingness to share her life in such a deep and open manner is a gift to us all.

[Breele · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a pick me up from the doldrums book, not to be read all at once but enjoyed piecemeal with every entry. We all grieve in different ways but "Since Then" seems to hit the spots that need attention. One poem, "Who Lives on the Other Side," served as a prompt for my writing and offered permission to explore my other sides. This is a book to enjoy for today and tomorrow.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an extraordinary book, poignant, simultaneously quiet and powerful, beautifully written. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced the grief of losing a loved one and to all who appreciate well crafted poetry. I plan to reread this book soon.
Mark Levine

[Karen Christianson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful collection of poems and prose. It is sure to evoke thoughts, memories of joy and a bit of sadness. This is a book to savor time and time again.

[Kathy Luber · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exquisite collection of deeply touching poems and prose! It's one of Sheila Bender's best works, and I know I'll return to it again and again. I highly recommend it.

[Sally Showalter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sheila captures an array of enduring truths we experience as humans in beautiful poetic language. She writes with openness, humility, and the art of emotion woven throughout her book. Each poem and her soft-spoken narratives are worth lingering over. A book to add to your collection.