Elijah's Cup: A Family's Journey into the Community and Culture of High-functioning Autism and Asperger's Syndrome

by Valerie Paradiž

This provocative and pioneering book is both a refreshing exploration of the history of autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) and a powerful story of the author's own struggle with her son Elijah's Asperger's Syndrome.

From her first inklings of Elijah's difference to her discovery of a whole spectrum of another way of life that includes everything from civil rights organizations for autistics to Asperger artists, Valerie Paradiz describes how she decided to cross what she calls 'cultural boundaries' to overcome her fears about her son's condition. Her inspiring narrative offers compelling insights into daily life with Elijah's Asperger's syndrome and her own 'shadow syndrome', which affects many family members of autistics. It is also a celebration of the idiosyncratic beauty of the Asperger mind and the sense of mutual support and self-respect in the ASD community.

This revised edition includes a contribution from Elijah and a new chapter that brings the story up-to-date: the author successfully sets up a specialist educational unit for Asperger pupils, Elijah experiences his first two years of school, and the author's dawning recognition of her own Asperger's Syndrome leads to major life changes.

Elijah's Cup offers moving and insightful observations as well as factual information for parents and anyone working with people with ASDs.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Parenting, Family, Disability

240 pages, Paperback

First published March 26, 2002

Reviews

[The Angry Lawn Gnome · Rating 2 out of 5]

The literary equivalent to high-school cafeteria jello. First, It wiggles and jiggles alarmlingly, yet never actually goes anywhere. Second, there may be a logical reason for the existence of jello and of this book, but I'm putting both into the imponderable category.

Neither add much of anything that I can see. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy her son was, as of the end of the book, apparently doing okay. but so much of this seemed slap-dash and incoherent as though it was a first draft vomited onto a printing press, without benefit of editing or even much in the way of proof-reading, that I was left scratching my head:

¤ Hubby made Woodstock seem "too small" to her, so what the hey they get divorced
¤ And she either moves in with or rents an apartment from (the text really isn't clear) a professional clown
¤ She meets a woman who lives in a van and has lots of paintings of naked black men laying on couches packed inside it. Meaning, of course, she's found the perfect baby-sitter/nanny. Sounds like the sort of person I'd leave alone with a disabled child
¤ She brings the kid to her ex-husband's and he's not home. So she has some sort of nervous breakdown, even though...um, she was actually a day early.

Everything seems to work out okay in a sentence or two, though. After all, she's got to get on with that most tedious of games: find the famous autistic historical figure. So we get pages and pages on Einstein, Andy Warhol, Andy Kaufman some exceedingly bad poets I doubt anyone has ever heard of, or should have heard of. She also manages to demonstrate her absolute and total ignorance of Nietzsche, tossing in the false but utterly predictable canard of "anti-semite." But I suppose in her set they likely think anti-semite was his first name, and whither he goest so goest it. And of course, she couldn't include him in her game, though why she didn't is an interesting question. After all, looked at from a certain perspective you could dub the dude an Aspie, toot-sweet.

And we all go to Disneyland and go on the rides and the book ends.

There are some disconnected blobs here and there related to her son that do make for interesting reading. Why the whole book couldn't have been about him and the challenges he faced (and doubtless still faces) I have no clue. Less about this other foolishness, and more about him and I think she'd have had something. But as it is, we got us the jello book mebee topped with some of that "non-dairy" "whipped" topping they'd put on the jello sometimes. No, actually, I think that I'll retract. Cafeteria jello is an imponderable, but the "non-dairy" "whipped" topping clearly is where Cheney et al should have been looking for their WMDs. And though I obviously wasn't crazy about this book, even I balk at an unfair comparison like that, which should doubtless be reserved for the Twilights of the world, and them alone.

[Ivana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here is how Valerie puts it-and those are the best possible words to describe the book:

“I like crossing cultural boundaries. I learned from my German family that this is perhaps one of the most daring and meaningful things a person can do in a life. The day I saw Elijah dance with the dragonflies, I knew I wanted to write a book about autism and cultural boundaries. I wanted to dismantle the fear many people feel toward other minds. Now I’m offering this labor of love to my readers in the hope that it is daring and meaningful to them. I hope that what I have learned from Elijah-to think of autism not as a mental illness that absolutely needs a cure, but rather as a way of life that possesses a deep history and a rich culture-makes its way across.” (p. 13)

Valerie’s journey through autism begins when her son Elijah has his first epileptic seizure between the ages of two and three. Going through numerous examinations and trying several different anti-convulsive drugs, all of them with devastating side effects, Val finds herself drawn to her physical and mental limits. She needs to learn how to take care of and understand a little boy who is unable to express his needs in words, needs that dramatically differ from the needs of “neurotypicals”. Her son barely speaks; he screams desperately when there is nothing to keep his mind busy (cartoons, music, crayons) and he doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. Elijah lacks social skills; he leaves the room when there are too many people and he is oversensitive to sound and touch.
A ray of sun enters her life in the form of the nanny, Sharron Montague Loree, an eccentric woman who lives in a van. Sharon is an artist who sees the usual in an unusual way. She is one of the rare people who understand Elijah’s needs-because she herself has the Asperger Syndrome, as she finds out later. Sharron is the author of the cover art, showing Elijah as the Prince of Autistics.
(I have seen three different cover arts, and this one looks best!)
Valerie moves out and divorces her husband. She tries to work on her translation of Kafka and pursue her academic career. Unfortunately, being overall exhausted, Valerie suffers a nervous breakdown.
Along with her recovery, so many more things about Elijah’s autism become clearer. Several of Valerie’s family members showed characteristics of Asperger or Autism, and in a certain way, Valerie has a form of shadow-syndrome, her depressions being a ramification of the same. When Sharon advises them to join the Autreat (an association for autistic people lead by autistics), Valerie and Elijah find new friends and new ways to make things easier for Elijah. Together, they discover new dimensions through drawing, cartoon characters and music. They discover a new culture-the culture and rich world of autism.
We have all seen The Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman. Andy Warhol, Andy Kaufmann and Albert Einstein were autistics.

As soon as I have read this book, I passed it on to the rest of the family. Unlike many other books we have read in order to understand Autism better, this one was unique and different for its personal touch and Valerie’s beautiful writing. Her references to Else Lasker-Schuler, Ingeborg Bachmann, Franz Kafka, Friedrich Nietzsche and Ludwig Wittgenstein are incorporated in a marvelous way, revealing Valerie’s poetic talent.
I don’t want to make this review an essay on Autism so I won’t provide definitions and stats. There are many other books to do that. Elijah’s Cup stands out for its lyrical descriptions and sincerity of her narrative. It is an ingenious blend of objective, medical approach and the impressions, fears, hopes and unswerving motherly love for her child. Elijah’s Cup is a warm, touching story of a mother who struggles not to make his son adjust to this world, but to show her son how to adjust the world to himself. I admire her stamina and patience because I know what a life with an autistic child looks like, with both its highs and lows. Along with Elijah, she finds out many things about herself. It is okay to be different; it is okay to see things from another point of view. Very often, this certain point is much prettier than our, “normal” one.

Read this book and find out why the average rating on Amazon is 5/5. And check out here what Elijah has been doing lately! It surely made me laugh around my head! Elijah, nice to see you follow your dream!
Side note:
I read the book in German, the copy I own, and it was quite challenging, but for better understanding I quoted from the English version I found on Google Books.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was required reading for a class I am taking on Early Childhood Autism, but it is not your typical textbook. It is the very personal story of one family's journey into High-Functioning Autism/Asperger's Syndrome with their son, Elijah. Written by Elijah's mother, Valerie Paradiz, told the story of young parents who struggled first with frequent seizures and lack of communication and then with the diagnosis of autism of their son. I totally related (I think any parent could) to the feelings of frustration and helplessness as Paradiz describes giving her son dangerous medication to control his seizures, going through endless medical tests and continuously search for help and answers for her son. We feel her pain as she watches her son be bullied and mistreated by his school mates and patiently tries to teach him, and his tormentors, a better way. Along with the story of her family's experiences, Paradiz relates the stories of other high-functioning autistics in history and society - people most of us never thought of as autistic - people like Albert Einstein, Andy Warhol and others. I learned so much from this book - not only about Elijah and his journey - but about others in my own realm of influence who are trying to navigate a similar journey. Excellent read for anyone who knows or cares about anyone with High-Functioning Autism/Asperger's Syndrome.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a long time to read this book, not because it wasn't interesting or compelling, but because life just gets in the way sometimes.

That is sort of the theme of Paradiz's account of her life navigating the world with an autistic son. Paradiz shares her story of her son Elijah's decline into a voiceless world, plagued with seizures of unknown origin. Once Elijah received an official diagnosis of autism, things began to make more sense in their lives, but it was still a constant struggle.

This book is a great insight into the lives of a parent and autistic child. It is heart-wrenching and heart-warming all at once.

[Julie Akeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. It mentions that Andy Warhol probably had Asperger's syndrome. I know what he looks like and I know his works but I didn't know anything of him, going to have to research his life after this at some point. This is a true story of a mom and her Autistic boy and about the living thriving community of other Autistics. It mentions some famous ones and some that are a bit more obscure. This book shouts out the positives of being autistic. The creativity, the sensitivity, the contributions they have made because their brains think differently. I loved this book, an excellent addition to the world of the autistic.

[Rayven Blank · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a required reading for my Severe/Profound disabilities class. In the beginning the book was very easy to read and learn from however further on towards the end we had a lot of compare and contrast between famous peoples who may have be autistic and Elijah. I loved how the book was able to get down the the realness and the conversations between Elijah and his Mother "Val" because their conversations are similar to ones I've had with people who are autistic. All in all a good informative read. I would recommend to anyone going into the education field and to all parents.

[Joelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Valerie and Elijah share similar experiences as Sid and myself. This book has very special meaning for me in these shared experiences. Valerie is a beautiful writer. She mingles her journey with her kiddo, with interesting observations of other folks believed to be on the spectrum. I am reading this book a second time because I feel so good when I read it. We share a perspective. It is Aspergian Art. And it is exquisite.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author's experience with her son's diagnosis and journey with autism, as well as with the revelation that her father had autistic tendencies and did she herself. Also highlights others who may have had autism or Asperger's: Einstein, Andy Warhol, Andy Kaufman. There were several times I found myself looking around for pencil and paper so I could write down quotes. I'll have to read it again so I can capture all those missed quotes.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure I would've finished reading this if it weren't required for one of my classes, but I'm glad I did. It's a really insightful and tender memoir written by the mom of a child with autism. It involves creative narrative writing as well as factual and researched information about autism - I appreciated the balance of both elements. Overall, a very interesting look into the life of a family with an autistic child.

[Lacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, heart-wrenching, life-changing. This book spoke to me. This book said things "out loud" that I've only dared to conjure up in the deepest part of my heart. Thank you, Valerie, for sharing your journey with Elijah with the world. You have answered SO many questions for me that "experts" haven't even allowed me to ask. I look forward to my journey -- for once, I look to the future with hope. Thank you for giving me the courage to keep searching for answers and help.

[Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely beautiful. It is a rare book which brings you inside a truly different kind of mind and culture, and this book is a point of contact with people who are so like me and yet so different. There is a sense of solidarity as well as inclusiveness in Val's writing. Her story is heartbreaking, heartwarming, educational, and expansive. I want to own this so I can read it again and again.

[Carla Jenkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. Paradiz writes so eloquently, and her story is so full of acceptance and hope. Years after I read this, I met her and Elijah, who was then about 16, at a conference. He was doing stand-up comedy, and was really funny. I feel so fortunate to have been able to meet them after being inspired by their story.

[Havebooks Willread · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Family's Journey Into the Community and Culture of High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. Very interesting, I liked the way she overviewed famous people who have had autism and taught about autism. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, I found her prose annoying, but once she got into sharing her research and experiences, I really enjoyed it.

[Janis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written by the mother of a son with Asperger's Syndrome. First saw Elijah on an MTV special doing stand up comedy. She takes you from Elijah's birth into his teens. Wonderful insight into the lives of people with autism.

[Elliot Holloway · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent book! Some of the chapters not about the author and her son, where she wrote about her research into famous pictures with Asperger Syndrome, seemed to go on for a while, but overall, I thought it was a very interesting and informative read!

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written by the mother of an autistic boy named Elijah. It gives an honest insight into the good and bad side of raising a child on the spectrum and could be a valuable resource to other parents who find themselves in that situation.

[Anne Evans · Rating 2 out of 5]

This author was very hard on herself and others. The story is filled with judgmentalism. She never seemed to recognize the fact that her father was a dentist and the level of mercury the family was exposed to could have been very high. Sad story.

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A wonderful look inside an Asperger family. I'm thinking of giving a copy of it to my child's teacher, as it provides revealing insight about these wonderfully unique and gifted children.

[Jen]

Started it, didn't like it, couldn't get into, didn't finish it.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fascinating account of a single mother's journey with her autistic son.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was a little disappointed. Wanted more about Elijah and less about mom's research into famous people suspected to be Aspie's.

[Rosalyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a required reading for my severe/profound disabilities course. In the beginning, the book was very easy to read and learn, however towards the end there was a lot of compare/contrast between famous people who might be autistic and Elijah. I loved how this book explored authentic relationships and conversations. All in all, it was a good informative read. I would recommend to anyone going into the education field and to all parents.

[Lisa Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good informative book.