Assisted Loving: True Tales of Double Dating with My Dad – A Warm, Witty, and Wacky Chronicle of a Father, a Son, and an Octogenarian's Hunt for a Wife

by Bob Morris

What would you do if your eighty-year-old father dragged you into his hell-bent hunt for new love? A few months after the death of his wife, Joe Morris, an affable, eccentric octogenarian, needs a replacement. If he can get a new hip, he figures, why not a new wife? At first, his skeptical son Bob (whose own love life is a disaster) is appalled. But suspicion quickly turns to enthusiasm as he finds himself trolling the personals, screening prospects, chaperoning, and offering etiquette tips to his needy father. Assisted Loving is a warm, witty, and wacky chronicle of a father, a son, and their year of dating dangerously.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Humor, Biography, LGBT, Book Club, Gay

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Robert Morris is an American novelist who writes Caribbean themed mysteries. He is previously known as a columnist for several newspapers and magazines.

Series:
* Zack Chasteen

Reviews

[Trin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have two questions for Bob Morris. One: how did you feel when you learned that your book, on which I’m sure you worked pretty hard, was being published with the most soul-scarring, eye-bleaching cover I’ve ever seen outside of the horror section? And two: would you like a little cheese with that whine? Man. If you ignore the SCARY SCARY cover, this book’s sole selling point is that it’s supposed to be a funny account of, and I quote, “double dating with my dad.” Well, it’s not funny, and while widowed father and gay son are both searching for love, they never double date. They just complain. A lot. And at great, great length.

This was like one of those endless, obligatory meals with relatives you don’t much like. You know the kind: the ones where at the end, everyone decides to skip dessert. Gah. Check, please!

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Mandy Faust · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about the author's 80 year old father returning to the dating world. Amusing, but the real highlight of the book is his discussion of why his dad annoys him so much. Morris slowly comes to realize that his dad isn't such a jerk, rather It's Morris that just might be the jerk for being so critical of his father. And who can't relate to that??

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book, even though after seeing the cover I figured it was simply going to an over the top farce. But it was a sweet, funny, and heartwarming tale by a son who loves his father, despite their similarities!

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 5 out of 5]

I chose this book based on its hilarious cover, and the writing made me laugh just as hard, the whole book-long! Got emotional at the end and cried, but still while chuckling. Love Bob Morris, and his dad too.

[Gail · Rating 4 out of 5]

My husband read this first and I heard him laugh out loud a few times so I tried it. Very funny as we are Sr cirizens and could be in our future!

[Mediaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

The idea of this book about a son helping his senior father date is good but what ended up on paper is not close to what the book's subtitle states. This book is not about a guy double dating with his old man. It's a very long, verbose, overly cynical look at a son dealing with his own loneliness and getting to know his widower father. Both appear to be pretty well off (the author is a New York Times writer), but the father is unsophisticated while the son/author is an elitist snob. It's sad to hear a modern liberal man repeatedly refer to people's looks. It's the first thing Bob Morris comments on about every single person, and once their waist size is established he mentioned whether they are "cultured" or not. How someone dresses and the amount of money they spend on things is the most important thing for this guy, and he wonders why he hasn't met anyone to have a longterm relationship.

Skip the first 85 pages of the book. They are deadly dull. Just know that the writer's mother dies and his dad eventually is ready to date. Once you get to the dating section, where the son doesn't really help the dad as much as write his dad's impressions of women he comes in contact with, it gets a bit interesting. Then out of nowhere the author introduces his own love life...with men. Unfortunately that makes up less than one-fourth of the book and might have made a more interesting story than that of the dad. There's just nothing to all of this--it's merely a son complaining about a loud, loving, horny old man.

There's no real conclusion. The writer eventually meets someone special, a kind of obnoxious book publicist. Near the end the boyfriend says the author is too much like his father, but in truth Bob Morris finally found a boyfriend who is very much like is dad's personality (though a very high-end classy dresser of course). There's little room for self-analysis or learning here. The book ends with life going on and nothing special happening. This isn't a guide to elderly dating or insight into retirement communities or helping a parent who has lost a loved one or even about learning from your elders. It just feels like a way for a guy who admittedly isn't at the income level he'd like to try to make money writing a book that has way too many pages about nothing significant and very little content.

[RICK "SHAQ" GOLDSTEIN · Rating 5 out of 5]

RICK “SHAQ” GOLDSTEIN SAYS: “A FATHER AND SON ODD-COUPLE.”
___________________________________________________________

The author, Bob Morris’s mother died in 2002 after suffering for ten years with a rare, debilitating blood condition. His Father Joe, is a seventy-nine-year-old retired lawyer and administrative law judge for the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles. He is also a little too slovenly for Bob’s taste. Joe’s house has bills, brochures, magazines, and toothpicks everywhere you look, along with rotting food in the refrigerator, and his car is a nuclear waste site, with everything from half-eaten sandwiches, old socks and who knows what else on the seats. Bob still carries inner anguish at the way his Dad would go about his normal life playing tennis, playing bridge, etc., while leaving his two sons with most of the “heavy-lifting” during his Mother’s final years of suffering.
About a month after his Mother’s passing, Bob and Joe go to visit his Mother’s grave. The following single sentence is an absolute literary powerhouse: “WE SHIFT ON OUR FEET, A FATHER AND SON WITH EVERYTHING TO TALK ABOUT AND NOTHING TO SAY TO EACH OTHER.” Sometime after, Joe tells his son he wants to start dating again. Bob is incredulous. After fifty years of marriage, with his Mom only gone for a little over a month, his seventy-nine year old Father wants to start dating? This activates and sets in motion all the uneasiness that Bob has internalized about his Father for years. AND THEN… his Dad asks him to help him pick out women. This might be the time to mention to potential readers that Bob is a forty-four-year-old gay man who has never had a successful relationship himself. Bob surmises that his Dad basically wants him to become a pimp for him! The author thinks about his Father to himself: “So how can he just go dismissing all of it now-all of that-after fifty years of marriage? Who knows? But the old man seems to need a mate again, and I guess, now that Mom is gone, the only question at hand is, who would love a poorly dressed, irascible, but sweet and well-meaning suburban Republican like him? I don’t know. But I guess I should try to help him out. Because if he’s happy, then I don’t have to worry about his being lonely, and then I can have some peace and be left alone to my life.”
What follows is a touching and humorous journey with a Father and son learning about each other, bothering each other, and periodically surprising each other, with how deeply they truly care about each other, in ways they never thought possible. The search for love ranges from Bob making calls for his Father from personal ads in Jewish magazines to calling people who respond to a newspaper article Bob wrote. This “mission-of-love” engulfs New York, New Jersey and Florida. Periodically Father and Son have debriefings to see if they agree before any hasty decisions are made: “RITA IS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIM BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T SMILE ENOUGH. SHE’S NO DINAH SHORE, HE SAYS. IF I CAN’T GET A SMILE OUT OF HER, THERE’S NO POINT IN MOVING FORWARD. SELMA, WHO IS A LITTLE PLUMP FOR HIS TASTE, WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THE KAMA SUTRA AND GET HIM TO TAKE A WORKSHOP IN THE POCONOS. ATTRACTIVE BUT A NUT, A JEWISH SHIRLEY MACLAINE, HE SAYS. LORNA USED TO BE A SOCIALIST. WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT, I ASKED FOR THE CHECK AND SENT HER HOME.”
With the graying of America continuing as “Baby-Boomers” get older, this is a story that should be of interest to more people every day. For those of you who enjoy “FATHER AND SON” stories this is a very unique perspective.

[Zhelana · Rating 1 out of 5]

For a comedy, this book sure wasn't funny. I was so embarrassed for these characters. Did he tell his father he was going to write a comedy about his love life? Did his father agree to this? It was awful. I hated both characters. I know he included a chapter asserting that most widowers get remarried, but to start dating only months after his wife died? Have a little respect? And then the author was so rude to his father all the time and making excuses not to see him, and maybe this is supposed to allow him to show character growth and whatever, but it really just made me dislike him to begin with when he couldn't even be grateful about the funeral plot his father bought him. Like? Ugh. Grow up and be a man! Anyway, I really hated everyone and just couldn't get into this story at all. I mean admittedly it's not the sort of thing I would think to pick up, and I never would have picked it up if it hadn't been my book club book, but it was honestly just awful. I've never liked embarrassment humor to begin with and that seems like all this was.

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this would be a funny and horrific story about actually double dating with his dad. It turned out to be about the complicated relationships we form with our aging parents. Morris's self assessments of his own behavior were almost too brutal to be funny.

I loved this book. He portrays the relationships that are honest, not sugar coated, with real people who have flaws, and love.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought the first half was longer than it needed to be-- I could have done without the imagined scenes-- and I was having a hard time with the author's narcissism. However, I found the father oddly endearing and really wanted him to find love again. Bob comes around too. In the end, I really enjoyed this book.

[Tari · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute story but the best part is that it's true!

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sweet and inspiring. I really enjoyed reading this.

[Christine Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, so. . . I found the first third of the book whiny and tedious. How much can one read about a guy who is annoyed by his father when really he is the one who is completely annoying? Yet strangely by the middle of the book, I found myself invested in the "characters" and interested in seeing how things turned out in their dating lives. Also, Morris begins to look at his own character more deeply to address his own inner demons that prevent him from becoming intimate with anyone. The book really takes off in the last third when Morris meets Ira and his father settles down with Doreen. I felt like I could related to Morris's relationship. Morris handles the blossoming of these two relationships in a humorous and honest manner. He begins to cite his own pitfalls as a partner in a manner that is more sincere than it was at the beginning of the book. I definitely cried a few times during the last chapters. And the final scene of the book with Morris and his father at the mother's grave is the perfect way to end this narrative. If it weren't for the beginning of the book, I would have rated this one four stars.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had such potential for a really funny memoir on the ups and downs of a father and son relationship. Sadly, Morris was only mildly amusing in his whine fest extraordinaire recounting his eighty-something widower father's search for love, as well as his own. Morris's father is self-centered but a charming and lovable slob. Bob is an immature narcissist. Morris's writing, though honest, was completely overshadowed by his annoying personality.

Also, there were several editing errors that I couldn't overlook, i.e., not one, but TWO instances where the text called for the plural "women" where "woman" was used.

Baby boomers with elderly parents may find some relatable stories.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

My mom recommended this book to me and while I was at first a little reluctant, I found it completely enjoyable. Based on a true story, the author writes about his recently-widowed father's attempts at re-entering the dating scene, while simultaneously trying to figure out why his own attempts at relationships haven't worked out. Though many details of the story bear absolutely no resemblance to my own life (I am not a gay man, it was not my mother but my father who passed away, my mom is decidedly not dating anyone and I found the love of my life several years ago), I nevertheless found many aspects of the story applicable and perhaps even universal: how our parents' marriage influences our own relationships, and how our roles in families evolve, among others.

[Lil' Jenny Graff · Rating 1 out of 5]

I suggested this book for my book club to read and I am VERY sorry that I did. I was extremely disappointed with this book. I thought it had the potential to be a warm, funny, good hearted memoir. Unfortunately, it was boring and I found myself pissed off more with the main character that I was interested in the story. The main character was a sissy-whiny baby who always seemed to be burdened with his 80 year old father. There were many times during the book where I wanted to reach in the pages and smack his whiny ass across the face and tell him to stop being a jerk to his widowed dad. I only made it through the first 100 pages and had to stop.

[Kristi Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVED this memoir about dating with my dad! This is a book that had me laughing and crying it was so touching. And, my one wish for America, one wish, is that people will get over the gay thing already. Seriously! The father is a Jewish Republican New Yorker and his wingman and son is a Jewish Gay Writer. This tale is all about dating and moving on with your life after the death of a beloved spouce. It is just as much all about loving your children and accepting them for who they reall and truly are. That is why I am recommending and passing this book areound to everyone that I know!!! It is just that good!

[Rebecca Ford · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a little on the painful side to read. It takes the author until chapter 6 to come out of the closet to the reader. At this point I thought the book would take a turn for the better... I was wrong!

Its not until Part 2 that you even get to the dating. To top that there was never a double date either. At one point in the book Bob describes how hilarious the stories from his father's dating saga are but never actually tells you any of them. Thanks for the tease.

I can't recommend this book to anyone. Its only redeeming qualities don't come out until the final chapters and by then its not worth it.

[David]

This contrived but thoughtful story about a single gay man trying to understand love through his own dating missteps and watching his outgoing father search for a new spouse was a quick and satisfying read. Bob Morris' father turns out to be the star for me since he has a very 'go get em' attitude while at the same time at key moments he is extremely supportive and encouraging to his son. There were some touching moments although the book is a little repetitive and Morris' reflections and self-investigation could have gone a little deeper.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Assisted Loving had the potential to be the kind of very funny book that it touts itself to be, but it falls short. The author robbed himself of the enjoyment of many hilarious moments with his father because of his own insecurities and whiny self reflection and in the process didn't allow his readers to enjoy his father either. Bob Morris is the type of man you want to swat like a fly, or at least erase from this book.
Additionally, there are too many typos in the book to be overlooked.

[Douglas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard this author reviewed on NPR, and I've shared similar experiences with him in terms of a widowed parent finding new companionship. I've used the personals quite a bit myself, but I'm sure my mother never has.

This book was entertaining, but not enough for me to care to finish it. I found some other titles that were much more intriguing, and I decided to stop this one just over half way through. It was fun, but a bit redundant chapter to chapter.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

You'll laugh, and then you'll laugh some more:
Really, there's nothing quite so funny as someone else's parents. And terrific writer Bob Morris does an amazing job telling the story of his father's search for a new wife and his own search for true love. THE perfect present for any father, or any son. Or any of the women who love them.

[Amy B. · Rating 2 out of 5]

My major complaint with the book is the author is very full of himself and is very whiney! It got to be really annoying very quickly. The story was good and in the end very touching, but man give the complaining a break!

I did find the reasons why male widowers find "girlfriends" faster than women interesting, especially since it was true in my family.

[Fran · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book. I didn't find the author annoying. I grew weary of his over-analysis of his life and the relationships in it, but still enjoyed the book. It served as good reminder that oldsters are still sexual beings, a topic not addressed all that often. I give the author credit for going down this road with his elderly father, not sure I'd have the stomach for it myself.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

As if the dating world were't loopy enough, add a funny and spunky Jewish octogenarian and his cynical gay son to the mix and you're pretty much in for a ride. Written by Bob Morris, this memoir about his relationship with his widowed father and their dating adventures is funny, truthful, and at times touching. You'll never look at seniors the same way. Recommended.

[Janell P · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is slightly amusing (so far) and the author, Bob Morris is mean to his father.
Vanity Fair voted the book "mercilessly funny."
I'm waiting. (I think the author is mean like me - that's why it's so easy to spot.)

http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/...

http://www.assistedloving.com/

[Jana Bouc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It was so touching and sweet and unexpectedly moving. A story of an unlucky in love middle aged Jewish gay man and his 80 year old widowed dad both finding love despite themselves, and finding their love for each other too. Never maudlin, always humorous and honest, often sarcastic, it offers hope and proof that it's never too late to love.

[Candace · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this writer to be entertaining and witty. I liked how he was able to focus on this one aspect of his relationship with his Father and draw out similarities between his life and his fathers.

I purchased this book when I was at an authors reading a couple weeks ago at the JCC. I am glad that I took the time so hear him speak and read his book. I would recommend it to my friends.

[Ivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know what you’re thinking: “another memoir of a gay guy coping with an irascible or abusive father – just what the world needs.” Well, don’t be too quick to write this one off. Morris has penned an insightful and often heartwarming tale of a father and son coming to understand and appreciate one another while circumnavigating the dating scene. Quite funny, and always engaging.