Misfit: Growing Up Awkward in the '80s

by Gary Gulman

A tour de force of comedy and reflection about the perilous journey from kindergarten to twelfth grade and beyond ― from the beloved stand-up comic and creator of The Great Depresh

For years, Gary Gulman had been the comedian’s comedian, acclaimed for his delight in language and his bracing honesty. But after two stints in a psych ward, he found himself back in his mother’s house in Boston―living in his childhood bedroom at age forty-six, as he struggled to regain his mental health.

That’s where Misfit begins. Then it goes way back.

This is no ordinary book about growing older and growing up. Gulman has an astonishing memory and takes the reader through every year of his childhood education, with obsessively detailed stories that are in turn alarming and riotously funny. We meet Gulman’s family, neighbors, teachers, heroes, and antagonists, and get to know the young comedian-in-the-making who is his own worst―and most persistent―enemy.

From failing to impress at grade school show-and-tell to literally fumbling at his first big football game―in settings that take us all the way from the local playground to the local mall, from Hebrew school to his best (and only) friend’s rec room, young Gary becomes a stand-in for everyone who grew up wondering if they would ever truly fit in. And that’s not all: the book is also chock-full of ‘80s nostalgia (scented markers, indifference to sunscreen, mall culture).

Misfit is a book that only Gary Gulman could have written: a brilliant, witty, poignant, laugh-until-your-face-hurts memoir that speaks directly to the awkward child in us all.

Genres: Memoir, Humor, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Comedy, Mental Health

289 pages, Hardcover

Published September 19, 2023

Reviews

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

It cannot be overstated how much Gary Gulman has done for both comedy and mental health awareness. I couldn’t wait to read this (and pre-ordered as he requested on social media.)


I’m a big fan of Gary, as a comic and a person (been fortunate enough to see him live twice, and cannot recommend his shows enough, if you ever get a chance. A kinder, more gracious person you will never meet. He even walked the line once and took photos with everyone in line *before* the show. Who does that? Gary does.) Plus you get a bonus ab workout from laughing so much. His humor is as relatable as it gets.

It’s no surprise that this memoir is as wonderful as anticipated. A deep dive into his formative years that happens to coincide with my own frame of reference, so I got extra enjoyment out of it (who remembers corded phones and no privacy?) All the cringe-worthy moments of childhood and adolescence, wrapped in Gary’s signature vision and style. Threaded throughout are his struggles with depression, their early roots, and later implications. I related to so much of this on a cellular level, and I’m so glad he wrote it. Always wishing Gary and Sadé all the best.

[Bonnie G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has a happy ending, a long-term remission of chronic severe depression and anxiety, a successful podcast and comedy career, a happy marriage, and now a book. Gulman is smart, very funny and wincingly honest. (I kept thinking when he was talking about his sister-in-law's family and how they got rich knocking off designer shoes that next Passover will be very uncomfortable. Or she is already an ex-sister-in-law so it is okay.) Notwithstanding all of that, there is plenty of tragedy in this book. Gulman's anxiety and sense of otherness started young and plagued him. He finally "hit bottom" in his mid-40's. moving back in with his mother after a series of hospitalizations. But like the basketballs he loves, he hit bottom and bounced back up. I learned a lot about what goes on in this man's head, and I suspect a good deal if it is not far removed from what goes in the heads of many other people with similar chemistry. This is a brutally honest depiction of living with and fighting mental illness and of losing some battles but thankfully not the war. I imagine this will be inspiring for others with similar illnesses and the people who love them. And did I mention it was funny?

[Shawn Robare · Rating 5 out of 5]

My wife introduced me to Gary’s stand-up when we first got together 10 years ago and I’ve feverishly sought out every new special and appearance since. I really dig stand-up, but I very rarely relate so heavily to the material, right down to his loquacious delivery. His bit on state name abbreviations should be in the Smithsonian.

So it’s no surprise that I adored this memoir immensely. It’s touching and hilarious.

[Rod Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Road trip audiobook!

Gary Gulman's autobiography cuts between a low period of depression and anxiety in 2017 when he moved back in with his mother and excruciatingly detailed accounts of every year of his education between kindergarten and senior year of high school in the 1970s and '80s.

It's a bit too slice-of-life at times, and we are overwhelmed with so many teachers and classmates (and their home phone numbers), but Gulman keeps the stroll through the years amusing enough to leave me wanting a follow-up on college and his career.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this book and loved it so much. Not sure any book has ever made me laugh so much. Especially great if you’re from the Greater Boston area and of a certain age.

[Rob Cusick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written book with so many references that connected with me.

[Lynnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first saw Gary Gulman on late night Comedy Central circa 2006. Since then, he has been one of my favorite comedians of all time and a delightful human that I had the pleasure of once meeting. This book is already destined to become one of my favs.

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My favorite chapters chronicled his elementary years. It was edifying watching as Gary learned hard lessons like how to punch up instead of down.

One of my favorite Khalil Gibran quotes is “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” I feel like Gary would appreciate this quote as much as I do. As a fellow mental health recoverer, it’s pretty easy to look back at our childhoods and find the seedlings of anxiety and depression. Gary, thank you for writing a book that all us tenderhearted, sensitive, introspective, performative kids turned anxious adults can relate to.

[Lindsay Vlasak · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve loved Gary Gulman since I saw him live in Ann Arbor in 2022. This book has all his usual humor, but it’s also a real, honest and raw look at his mental health struggles. He talks in depth about his childhood anxiety and depression. I did not expect so many of his childhood anecdotes to resonate so deeply with me. I continue to be a big fan of this man and his work.

[Chad Durham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Gary Gulman. This book did nothing to diminish that. It was great to be inside the head of someone whose self-consciousness sounded like mine. His word choice—as always—is impeccable. I laughed and I cared. Good man, that Gary. And an impressive writer.

[Andie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This made me giggle aloud frequently. I liked how he would list the phone number (but not the real number) every time he introduced a new close friend. I also appreciated the retro Massachusetts geography and references (and accent with the audiobook).

[Katie Bliss · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this audiobook, but I think it would have been a good book read as well since Gulman is very well read and has a great vocabulary that he uses effectively as a writer. I enjoyed his story of growing up Jewish, tall, awkward, etc. and his struggles to find his place. It was a good slice of life type story. I felt bad for his struggle with depression and anxiety and he did a good job explaining how it affected him his whole life, though I was unsure what exactly helped him fully come out of it - was it therapy? Writing the book? Not sure.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a reflective memoir by comedian Gary Gulman, offering a poignant and humor-filled recounting of his tumultuous adolescence and mental health struggles growing up in the '80s. The comedian vividly portrays the trials of a sensitive child struggling to find his place in the world, intricately weaving between past and present. What sets this memoir apart is the author's unwavering honesty in confronting his mental health battles. He sheds light on his experiences in psychiatric wards, openly discussing depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. He dismantles the stigma surrounding mental health, revealing the harsh reality of his struggles and the resilience it took to rise above.

As a child of the '80s, I loved all the cultural references. But what truly makes Misfit stand out is the author's ability to remind readers they're not alone. He emphasizes the importance of seeking help and finding one's tribe, showcasing his journey to recovery with immense gratitude towards the support he received. Misfit: Growing Up Awkward in the '80s is a captivating memoir that speaks directly to anyone who has grappled with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This raw, funny, and insightful storytelling offers solace and encouragement, making this book a must-read for those seeking hope amid life's challenges.


To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://shows.acast.com/moms-dont-hav...

[Alex Carlson · Rating 2 out of 5]

*Audiobook*
Book #6 of 2024

I'm a long time fan of Gulman's stand up from his early appearances on Conan O'Brien and so I downloaded the audiobook to hear it in the author's own voice, knowing that the mental health aspect would make this less of a "laugh riot" than other comedic memoirs might be. The brief in-between chapters when Gulman discusses his struggle with depression and how debilitating it is to normal life, were well-told, sympathetic, and interesting. The rest of the extended chapters where Gulman recounts every detail that happened to him during each grade of school were unremarkable, over-detailed, and, most disappointingly, not very funny. Gulman has great control of language, which is part of what makes his standup so good (the state capitals riff on Conan is an all-time great bit). He demonstrates that control here and is a solid writer, but most of his childhood was atypical.

This book reminds me of some of his more targeted stand-up jokes like his bit on the Sony Discman and the infamous "bass boost" - a joke I could never show my kids because it will only appeal to people who did a particular activity at a specific period of time. For people who grew up in the 1980s in the Northeast of the United States in a mixed Jewish neighborhood, this book is probably a hoot. But a lot of the references didn't land for me or elicit the nod and smile of recognition it likely will for others.

[Kristi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I defy anyone to dislike Gary Gulman, one of the most charming and smartest comedians on stage these days. His voice radiates clearly through his writing and there are some laugh-out-loud gems in here, but imho this book suffers from not knowing which genre it wants to be: a memoir or a humorous, reflection on growing up in the 80s. Were it only the latter, I think it would have been more successful and hit more often with the nostalgia of readers of the same generation. But given that the chapters march chronologically through grades K-12, it ends up feeling tedious.

[Reading in the sun · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Laugh out loud funny and so real for me. Although I grew up awkward in the 70s. Gary Gulman is a great comedian. We follow him through his childhood growing up in a sort of dysfunctional family. But he also suffered so much anxiety. His words rang very true to me. And as an adult, finally coming to terms with his depression. So happy to see him finally comfortable in his skin

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

I picked this up because I like Gulman's standup, and I thought this might be like listening to one long routine. That was silly of me, and I would have known that if I'd read a description of the book instead of saying, "Yay, Gary Gulman has a book!" and buying it. So, that was an adjustment, as was the structure of the book and the depressing turn things took early on. There are some sad stories in this book, especially toward the beginning. His sense of humor was still there in the storytelling, but it had a harder time shining through in those early, painful years.
The book goes back and forth between 2017--when he was experiencing severe depression, moved in with his mother, and started treatment--and his childhood, grade by grade. I was amazed he could recall things from such a young age in such detail. When I realized he was going to go grade by grade, I was worried I was going to get bored, but I never really did. It helped that we're about the same age, so a lot of the pop cultural references made me smile. The longer I listened, the more I liked Gulman, rooted for him, and felt for him. It got more consistently funny as the school years rolled on, and there were some triumphs to balance out the disappointments and lows.
I was glad the book ended on a high note, with the therapy working and Gulman starting to do shows again.

[Mark Fajet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t think it was that funny, but it was interesting and kept me entertained

[Andi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I downloaded this memoir without knowing hardly a thing about the author or his comedy, but was intrigued by the reviews I read. This is a poignant and honest memoir told not only about Gary’s childhood years but a very honest and powerful look at mental health from so many different lenses. This book is funny., but what I’ll remember most is his honesty and bravery in sharing about his depresh as he called it. An above average, deeply personal memoir.

[Ingrid · Rating 3 out of 5]

mixed feelings

I like Gary Gulman, and I am trying to figure out why this book fell a little flat for me. I wanted more time in the recent past, and a less-encyclopedic detailing of his childhood. The fact that he can remember as much as he does is remarkable, but it often didn’t feel like it was in service of anything. To be fair, it was a lot of ‘showing,’ but it missed a layer of reflection that would have been welcome. Really welcome.

[Cilla Trenado · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best, Funniest, but realest book I have read in a long time

This book resonated with me and my outlook on life. Thank you, Gary for writing it. I read it straight-through. Hilarious and sad at the same time.

[Courtney Smith Atkins · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just read the last 2 chapters.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought I would like this one a lot more than I did.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

My husband and I watched Last Comic Standing in the early 2000s and there was a comedian who stood out to us. He had us laughing so much when he pretended to be celery and thanked Buffalo wings for making it relevant again. We stayed on the lookout for him ever since and got to see him perform his comedy act when he came to DC a while back. We still reference some of his jokes! So when I found out that he wrote a memoir, I just had to get it for my husband last Hanukkah. And, of course, I had to read it too!

Gary Gulman adds his humorous flair to this book about his life growing up and about the depression he experienced in 2017-2018, which sent him back to his mom's house as a 47 year-old and brought up lots of memories from his childhood. He takes us through kindergarten all the way until he graduates from high school. Each year he faced different challenges, some being tougher than others.

I found this book very relatable, as I grew up feeling awkward and not fitting in that well. Comedy was my go-to when trying to make friends. (I became very close to a friend I met at a Jewish retreat when we started coming up with inside jokes right away and we're still friends 35 years later.) I was worried for Gary's well-being at various times throughout his memoir. It sounds like mental health was regarded differently back in the day and that if he had gotten help then, things might not have been so bad for him in his late forties. I was amused by how he had memorized phone numbers and dates, as that's something I do. (I'm not as good with the phone numbers, but still remember a couple here and there.)

I was hoping this book would be more about his career instead of only touching on his love and knack for comedy every once in a while. I hope he will write another book that talks about college and beyond. There were a lot of times when he would just go into details about what his classroom looked like or go off on random tangents. I did appreciate his comedic observations though. I was also glad that he talked about being Jewish.

Overall, this was an interesting read and I enjoyed getting to know Gary better by practically watching him grow up through his writing. Being only a little younger than him, I understood a lot of his pop culture references. (I always thought he was younger than me, so it was a surprise to find out that he was going into first grade when I was born. Also, our birthdays are only a few days apart. He even mentioned my birthday in one of his memories.)

If you are a fan of Gary Gulman, I hope you will check out his memoir too! And if you don't know who he is, I'd recommend looking up his comedy acts online and being prepared to laugh a lot! Here's one you can start with.

(Trigger warnings below.)
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TW: Bullying. Anxiety and depression. Poverty. Divorce.

[Marc · Rating 5 out of 5]

A solid & compelling work! I also want the sequel to confirm Gary Gulman 's early career as a comedian and his rise to success as a comedian's comic.

There were a few moments in my early reading where I wondering if Gary Gulman was belaboring the point (from his early childhood and family life), but the full work (and incremental build) is a fascinating glimpse at the origin story and first manifestations of anxiety and depression. Gulman also does an amazing job of confirming the importance of positive, encouraging teachers and positive adult role models.

I'll add a few quotes that hit home, but Misfit: Growing Up Awkward in the '80s is very much needed and a welcome addition to the comedian's canon, as well as writers discussing how depression and anxiety have affected their lives. Important truths told with a comic's flair and voice.

[Humayra Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I mostly try to not read autobiographies as I usually don’t enjoy them and find them to be exhausting and a constant reminder of the real world. I read mostly for entertainment and escape. However, this book was chosen by my psychiatry-related book group and so ended up on my list for this month. And I was surprised to really enjoy it! I’ve mostly watched short clips of Gulman’s work but this has now inspired me to watch some of his full shows. There were parts of this book that were very difficult to read and genuinely reminded me of times throughout my own schooling. There were also parts that were absolutely hilarious and had me laughing for a minute straight. The book is genuine, endearing and sheds light on mental health.

[Bethany Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

To my delight I kept my phone handy as I searched up many unknown words to add to my vocabulary. Wonderfully reminiscent of the 70s- 80s era. Captures middle class, suburban public school angst without nostalgia. Brought back many personal memories and emotions.

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny run down of Gary Gulman’s young life.
This is interspersed with his struggle with depression.
A truly hilarious comedian!

[Molly Adelman · Rating 4 out of 5]

garyyyy <3 i wish he spent more time in the 2017ish rock bottom moments, we get some very real glimpses into sincerity in his interspersed journal entries from his mom’s house.

can’t even imagine what this kid would have thought of deez nuts jokes.

[Ashley Gravel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Married a fellow Peabodian, this was a fun read which spoke truth to mental illness and a detailed a very authentic account of the gem of the north shore.

[Rhonda Lomazow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Comedian Gary Gilman has written an open honest look at his life his struggles with mental illness.He returns to his childhood home sharing with us hilarious episodes while he was growing up while trying to recover his mental health,.Entertaining real a book that I will be recommending.