الحب بذكاء : كيف تجدين الرجل الذي تحلمين به؟ أو كيف تصلحين شأن زوجك

by Phillip C. McGraw

ببساطة يعتبر التعرف على الرجال بمعاناة الدارج من أكثر الطرق العشوائية غير المثمرة أو الفعالة، بحيث يجعلك تخطئين في اصابة الهدف محاولتك تحقيق .أحد أهم أهداف حياتك... حان الوقت لكي تفعلي شيئا مختلفا.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Personal Development, Marriage, Research

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Phillip Calvin McGraw, best known as Dr. Phil, is an American television personality, psychologist and author who is the host of the psychology themed television show Dr. Phil. He gained celebrity status following appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Reviews

[Aya Hassan · Rating 3 out of 5]

ظننت ان الكتاب يتحدث عن الذكاء العاطفى فوجدته يتحدث عن الهروب من العنوسه
هو نسخه مبنيه على اساس علمى من كتاب كيف تصطادين عريسا
اكبر استفاده لى شخصيا هو انى عرفت كيف احصل على المعلومات التى اريدها من اى شخص بمناقشه لا تمت بصله من قريب او من بعيد الى المعلومات التى اريد معرفتها
عيبه الكبير انه يتحدث على اساس محتمع غربى ونظام المواعده وما الى ذلك

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

After I read this I made a list (like it suggests in the book) about what I wanted in a lifelong partner. I started dating David shortly thereafter and realized that he had more than the suggested 80% of qualities that I was looking for in a mate. We got engaged 8 months later.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Yes, I have this book. And yes, it's on audio tape. Whilst taking a leisurely drive home from Maryland to New York a few months ago, I stopped off at this depressing little outlet mall in Delaware. They had one of those cheap bookshops and outside, a rack with $1 audio books. Audio books, NPR, Prairie Home Companion, I love it all while driving so I thought I'd take a look. The best thing there was this Dr. Phil book and since hey, I'm a fool when it comes to love I thought why not?

Well, after spending 3 hours listening, I'm still a fool but at least one who has had drilled into her head by a screaming Texan that I shouldn't date drunks, emotional retards, drug addicts and homeless people. Thanks Dr. Phil.

There was one part at the end though that I enjoyed, where he made you write out a list of all the attributes you would want your ideal mate to have- from the physical to the emotional. A list that goes beyond dark hair and likes kids. It has choices on there that make you really think about who you would want to be with, "someone who plans parties, goes to parties, hates parties," "adventurous, likes to stay home, never know what he will come up with next," etc etc. It may sound silly, but I thought it helped.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

كتاب رائع
من أكثر الكتب التى ينيغى إعادة قراءتها

[Marwa Ayad · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an OK read. I couldn't help noticing the similarity between some of the things Dr. Phil mentioned and some of the things Dr. Barbara De Angelis mentioned in her book "Are you the one for me?" (which I highly recommend by the way) which was published in the 90's. Also, Love Smart reminded me of "Why Men Love Bitches" (published in 2002), at least in parts. The book didn't feel original; I felt like I'd read it before (and I hadn't). Dr. Phil mostly focuses on the fact that women must develop their self-esteem. He makes you come up with several lists (the best part about the book) involving you and the one you dream of...etc. Also the 80/20 rule part was good.

I'd say this book is good for those who want to settle down and want to start somewhere. It's hardly of benefit to anyone in a relationship.

I prefer books with more depth and insight into human nature; this was a rather "superficial" read (if you know what I mean).

[Heba Tarek · Rating 2 out of 5]

اممممم أجلت ملاحاظاتى على الكتاب حتى أنتهى منه تماما ..
قبل اى شىء .. الكتاب يصلح له عنوان ( كيف تصطادين عريسا ) وسيحقق أعلى المبيعات فى مصر والدول العربية !!

عندما قرأت العنوان اعتقدت أنه على شاكلة كتب الرجال من المريخ وكيف يفهم كل جنس الاخر بطريقة صحيحة ..لكن الواقع المرير الذى وجدته هو كيف تعمل المرأة بكل ما أوتيت من قوة لكى

تصطـــــــــــــــاد عريسا !!!

تعجبت من صدور كتاب كهذا فى دولة " متقدمة " كما يقال كالولايات المتحدة ..بل ويتم التحدث فى هذه القضية على أنها عملية استثمارية بحته .. المرأة هى رجل الاعمال الذى يعمل على ربح تجارته بشتى الوسائل والطرق

ماأجده عجيبا ايضا انه يدعو المرأة إلى عدم تغيير من نفسها أو ادعاء ماليس فيها .. بل تغيرى من نفسك لنفسك ولــــــكن كى تقدرى على اصطياد العريس

.. مالفت نظرى فى هذا الكتاب نقطتان هامتان :_

1- قضية العنوسة ليست فى مصر والدول العربية فقط ..بل فى العالم كله وفى كل العالم ينظر للعانس نظرة دونية .. مع الاختلاف فى سن النساء اللاتى يقال عنهم انهن تاخرن ف الزواج فإن كان فى مصر مثلا أواخر العشرينات ففى الغرب يكون السن أكبر من ذلك

2- مسألة الزواج مسأله مهمة تحلم بها كل أمرإة فى أى نقطة فى العالم مهما علت بها المناصب او تعرفت على مئات الرجال .. الفطرة تتحدث ياسادة

.. فى النهاية لاأعطى للكتاب أكثر من نجمتان فلم استفيد منه شيئا إلا إنى أظن لو طبق بحذافيره فستصل المرأة لهدفها وبقــوة

[Maraya · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've gotta say - I do like Dr. Phil but I didn't think much of this book. Maybe I'm just too old and jaded and have read enough relationship books to recognize when one is surprisingly good - or not. It was OK. It was basic.

The cover would have you believe the book was written for 'people' when in fact it's specifically directed at women (of course), and young ones at that.

It contains a lot of good, entry level, information on how to attract the right man, "bag 'em and tag 'em and take him home". Or, 'fix' the one you already have. I didn't really like the impression of men that came across in this book. Again, Dr. Phil is siding with the female reader - because that's the market.

If this book helps even one woman find happiness and love (and the man she's with too!)- then that makes me happy and the writing and reading of the book was worth it.

[Amberly Crowford · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well written, but a LAME, LAME, book. When I say lame, I mean, who in the world would ever take this advice? It was basically a book written about how women should behave for men. I kept on reading it because I couldn't believe how ludicrous it was!

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I lied. I didn't read this whole book, but I skipped over to the parts I felt I would benefit from. Love Smart was more of a "don't forget to do this" type of book, than it was a learning process for me.

I am not in the right place in my life to read this book. My mistake.

[Wendy · Rating 1 out of 5]

don't know what I was thinking when I purchsed this one.

[Char Tan · Rating 1 out of 5]

i found this in my friend's bathroom underneath some towels. i laughed and i cried, but then again she has an army of lovers.

careful what you leave in your bathroom...

[Farheen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Dr. Phil. What I would give to have just one day to talk to him in person...

[Hope Abualrahi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Though I like Dr. Phil, I'm not a fan of this book. For many reasons I couldn't even finish reading the second chapter. I really didn't like this book.

[Sara Sherzad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well , to be reviewed :D :P

[أخضر أخضر · Rating 4 out of 5]

في هذا الكتاب اهتم الكاتب بالنّساء اهتمامًا ملحوظًا، فهو كتاب موجّه لكلّ فتاة أرهقها الخوف من الوِحدة أو فشل العلاقات، ويشرح فيه د.فيل ماكجرو كيفية الإحساس بقيمة الذات ويوضح الأساليب والأسس الأساسية المُعتبرة في اختيار شريك الحياة، كما قد ذَكر الطّرق المناسبة للمحافظة على شعلة العلاقات وجمالها، وأدرج الإحصائيات والدراسات لبعض الأمور النفسيّة التي تخص الرجال والنساء حتى يدركوا مدى الاختلاف بينهم..
إن هذا الكتاب بالفعل غنيّ بالنصائح التي تخص الجانب العاطفي للنساء، ومن المتوقع بعد قراءته أن تكون كلّ فتاة قادرة على التفكير في قيمة مشاعرها وعواطفها
وستلجأ لتحديد إيجابياتها وسلبياتها حتى تُعالج مشكلاتها التي تواجهها وتصل إلى "الحبّ بذكاء".

يمكنكم استماع وقراءة ملخص كتاب "الحب بذكاء" وغيره من الملخصات في مجال العلاقات العاطفية على تطبيق أخضر في 15 دقيقة.

[Alaa Civil · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب رائع يساعد على فهم الطرف الاخر والنظر
للعلاقات بصورة اكثر كفاءة .
اجمل ما فيه كلماته التحفيزية ....

[Daniel Currie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the 6CD audio version of this book (read by Dr. Phil himself!).

After 1CD this is what I have learned:

Finding the right person: It IS a game, as he states and then restates for emphasis.

You are perfect already. Presumably it would be beyond his scope to fix you, to make you right for someone, so he assumes you are already basically perfect.

Women are the only ones who need advice in this area. Despite there being nothing saying this on the box, it is 100% geared toward women finding a man. There is no explanation given for this. There is no lip service to men finding women, it is expressly written for women to find a man.

CD2:

I think making lists of what you have and what you want can be a good idea. Of course doing this while listening to the audio book can have plenty of challenges.

Dr. Phil doesn't think you are perfect, but he doesn't get too much into how to make that change.

Men aren't going to be doing these things (this is a dubious assumption, at best) so it is up to women to make an assessment and figure out who is best for them.

CD3:

This is where things start to bog down or pick up depending on your view of it. Phil gets into the nuts and bolts of what you need to do to be a more attractive person. It sounds more like finishing school than anything else. It also gets into his take on the characteristics of men. You'd need a score sheet along with you on a date, I think, to make any use of this information and several years to practice it. No matter, Phil does it in 60 minutes.

CD4:

This is getting ridiculous now. There are so many lists and rules to follow there is no way anyone could possibly remember them all. You'd have to have a set of instructions with you at all times to possibly make use of any of this. That is, if you wanted to. There is undoubtedly some good info here, but also lots of crap. Memorizing certain questions to ask any date is fine, but brushing up on current events so you can talk about them will surely backfire eventually if you simply aren't interested in current events. This is turning into more of a battle plan than useful advice.

CD5:

There are some goods tips for using the internet to meet people.
Phil repeatedly mentions marriage as your #1 priority, like this is no other form of relationship. He uses phrases like 'reeling him in' as tho this is a 50's guide to finding that man to take care of you.

CD6:

While there is undoubtedly lots of great information and I think Dr. Phil is a sincere guy who wants to help, I can't help but think this is not going to help you unless you take several years to do all the exercises, carry around a notebook full of checklists and rules on your dates and review everything everytime you meet someone new. On a practical level it isn't of much use, I don't think. I also have issues with the way this book uses so many cliches like 'closing the deal', 'reeling him in', etc. and the way it is geared 100% to a woman finding a man.

To those who can sit down and follow this as a real guide I'd give it 4 stars. To those who can't, 2 stars.

[Fatema]

اسم الكتاب: الحب بذكاء
الكاتب: د. فيل ماكجرو
عدد الصفحات: 298
التقييم: 4

للعازبات و من لا تجيد التعرف على رجل و للتي تريد تحسين حياتها الزوجية، هكذا بدأت الدكتور فيل بتوطئة كتابه.

في فصوله الاثني عشر يتدرج الكاتب في طرحه في تراتبية واضحة المغزى إذ يضع يده على (العقدة) كما نقول ليفكك منشأها و من ثم يسير تباعاً معكِ كمرشد ليضعكِ على الطريق المؤدي لغايتك المنشودة.

تبدأ في الفصول الأولى رحلة البحث عن الرجل المثالي و توصيف الرجل المثالي بعيون النساء، و كيف يقعن في وهم المثالية المفرطة و يصطدمن بالواقع!

يُرجع (العقدة) للمرأة و إدراكها لشخصيتها، كيف ترى نفسها و بقاؤها عانس ليس محض مصادفة، يشرح الكاتب دور النظرة للذات و تقديمها للآخرين بالتركيز على نقاط التميز، و دور ذلك في جذب الشخص المناسب.

يدعوكِ الكاتب للتفتيش عن تلك العروس الكامنة في داخلك، و كيف تشحذين ذكائك لفهم الرجل و بالتالي تتصرفين بما يتناسب و فهمه لا فهمك أنتِ.

استعرض الكاتب طرق البحث عن الشريك و منها الخروج و التعرف على الآخرين و المشاركة بالمناسبات العامة، كما أسهب في طريقة البحث و التعارف عبر الإنترنت ما لها و ما عليها.

و أخيراً تحدث الدكتور عن حالة الارتباط العاطفي و إحياء العلاقة الزوجية التي خبا وهجها مع مرور الأيام و الإعتياد، و ما ينبغي و لا ينبغي أن تفعليه في ذلك.

أبدع د. فيل في بلورة آليات ذكية لتفحص الرجل من خلال الأسئلة و المواقف و هذا بالحقيقة يعكس الجانب التحليلي في عقل الرجل، إذ يجعلكِ فعلاً تتقمصين عقل رجل عندما تبحثين عن الرجل الانسب، مما يجنبكِ الخيبات أو يقللها بمنطقية و رصانة.

أعجبتني بشدة لغة الخطاب للكاتب، و التي تنبيك عن حرص و خبرة المرشد النفسي أو الزواجي، في طرحه المتكرر لمحاذير التعارف و عنصر الأمان في ذلك.

اقتباسات:

(( إذا كان ما تبحثين عنه هو شريك حياة ملتزماً، و ذا هدف في الحياة، إذاً يجب أن تبقي على الطريق الصحيح و السريع في مجال العلاقات، و أن تتوقفي عن السير في طرق العلاقات المشوهة المبتورة التي بلا هدف و بلا معنى، و التي لا تستمر لفترة طويلة، و أن تكفي عن محاولة إقامة علاقات عشوائية، و غير ملائمة حتى لا تكوني وحيدة بلا رجل، و لا تكتفي بعلاقة رجل لا ترضين عنه تماماً، لمجرد أنه متواجد في حياتك، و هذا بديل أفضل من البقاء بمفردك)).

(( أنا و زوجتي روبين لدينا قاعدة اسمها " الدقائق الأربع" فمنذ أول دقيقة لدخولي المنزل، أتوجه إليها و ألقي التحية و نتحدث عن يومنا و كيف قضاه كل منا، تلك الدقائق الأربع مهمة جداً، و تضبط إيقاع باقي الليلة، حاولي أن تفعلي ذلك مع زوجك، و سيحدث فرق كبير في نوعية العلاقة الزوجية)).

[Hind Abu Shkhadim · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب جيد يخلق وعي لدى القارئ بخياراته في للحياه وفي شريك الحياة

[Yeshua Branch · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most astounding thing about this book is how obsolete it has become in the mere 17 years since it was published. Between the advent of social media and greater awareness of the fallacy of gender norms, much of what Dr. Phil has to say here is pretty irrelevant in 2022. I was a little disappointed at first because the book is strictly aimed at females; then I realized that the male roles he described in 2005 are not unlike the females I meet now (and I already know that I'm disposed to have more classically feminine desires in a relationship). But for real, some of the divisive ways he classifies men and women totally wouldn't fly now, but that's not on him. The rhetoric on his show has adequately adapted to changing social norms, so I'll give him credit for that. And I obviously wasn't reading this book seriously seeking answers or to learn anything profound; moreso for the hokey witticisms and salient adages that make me enjoy his visual medium. I'm basically the type of man he tells women to stay away from, but I don't take that personally. I guess I'd probably stay away from me, too.

[Talia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I went to the library to get “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” on the recommendation of a friend. However, it was gone. This book was next to the empty spot. I’ve never seen Dr. Phil on TV or read any of his books, so I thought, “hey, why not?”

Overall, the book was pretty good. I liked how he stressed that you have to be happy with yourself and realize that you don’t have to have a partner to complete you. I think too many women don’t recognize this. They feel incomplete without a husband or children. If you don’t like who you are, how can you expect someone else to like you? This was a common theme throughout the book, and I’m glad that’s the message he’s conveying.

The insight into how guys think was interesting. I’m not sure that I’d read any of his other books, but this one wasn’t too bad.

[Chriss · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of course everytime I watch Dr. Phil or read one of his books, everything looks so easy. The book does have some very valid points, good suggestions and seems to make a whole lot of sense when looking at the big picture. It's just putting it all together that is difficult. Of course that is why we are reading it in the first place. It's not as simple as going to the local coffee shop, meeting the guy and finding out he's great and living out our happy little lives. Sometimes we don't meet the guy and we keep searching and sometimes find the wrong one in the wrong place. The book doesn't really address that part. So in a simplified way, the book is good but in a real life existence, it's hard to pen your every move in order to find Mr. Right. So keep reading but keep living, too!

[فنافن · Rating 3 out of 5]

حسنًا..
من المدهش أنني وصلت إلى هذا الكتاب الظريف عن طريق إحدى الروايات التي أكرهها :)
أعترف أني بدأت بالقراءة كما يلي:
استعرضت فهرس الموضوعات.. وقررت أي الفصول التي سأتجاوزها دون قراءة لأن موضوعاتها لا تعنيني.. ثم شرعت في قراءة المقدمة لآخُذ فكرة عن أسلوب الكاتب الذي أقرأ له ولأول مرة.. وأعترف أني سُحِرت تمامًا بأسلوبه الفكاهي.. ولم أكد أنتبه لنفسي إلا وقد انتصفت في الكتاب!
قطعًا لم يكن محتوى فصوله الأولى يناسب بيئاتنا الإسلامية، لكني قرأتها سطرا سطرا بحثا عن تلك الجمل الاعتراضية المضحكة والاستعارات الفظيعة التي تجعلني أحاول كتم قهقهاتي -عبثا-.

ما خرجت منه بفائدة لا يتجاوز الصفحة ونصف على الأكثر.. لكني استمتعت كثيرا بالأسلوب وأنتقد وبشدة فكرة الكتاب التي يسوّق لها منذ البداية.

[Laura Ngo · Rating 1 out of 5]

this doesn't speak to everyday women, women that have it together but still wants to find love...this book is for those that doesn't know how to take care of themselves- that needs the hand holding to get out of bed and take a shower, put on a little gloss and self worth. Dr. Phil is preying on the fat, the ugly, and the low-esteemed people in America. I know- I sound cruel and insensitive- but those are my thoughts.

[Kathrynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this well written book. Felt it was nicely laid out and enjoyed Dr. Phil's humor, analogies and personal stories as he relayed some insights into the male mind. He even went into the dreaded "dark zone."

This should be a MUST READ for all looking for or in a relationship, in my opinion.

There are some great questions Dr. Phil shows you how to present and read between the lines. Nicely done. Highly recommended.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think he has some insightful things to say and ways to change it up if you struggle with meeting love interests. Some of his advice seemed like it would be unrealistic for many people and I often felt he was writing to us as if we were stupid. If you can get past his "tough love" tone and need a new perspective on dating, I would recommend this one.

[Nicole Denoncourt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thanks Mom for giving me this book on Valentines day when I was single! Looks like the reading might have helped me out though.....interesting read just because I am in love with psychology and the human mind/manners. Although I am not sure I would highly recommend it but I do feel it is enlightening...

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Love Smart' is down-to-earth and helpful. McGraw advises women how to develop and strengthen their niches (maneater, girl next door, etc.,) and gives insight on how men think and feel. He also teaches readers how to increase their self-esteem, be excellent conversationalists and provides insight on what to look for when meeting potential suitors.

[Corey Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to get married and are ready for that next step in your life, this is the book that will take you there. Dr Phil assists you with redefining realistic goals for the right type of man when searching for the one to marry. He helps to prepare you if you for real life and what a marriage should be. I read this book and met and married my husband within a year and a half!

[Alona Perlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book by Dr. Phil. It was engaging, clever and funny. However, I do wonder about some of the techniques he mentioned that do not sound right to me. (Read the book for details... No spoiler alerts); I read it pretty quickly and it was a page-turner. I felt like Dr. Phil was talking to me and wading me through the sometimes confusing and muddy world of relationships!