What a Difference a Daddy Makes: The Indelible Imprint a Dad Leaves on His Daughter's Life

by Kevin Leman

Study after study shows that fathers set up their daughters for success. Involved fathers-whether or not they live in the same house as their daughters-boost their daughters' academic achievement, promote their emotional health, increase their compassion for others, and even bolster the status of women. In What a Difference a Daddy Makes , renowned psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman seamlessly weaves the latest research on fathering with funny, moving stories about his own parenting experiences. He gives practical ideas and inspiration for fathers and provides specific direction for helping daughters grow into loving, confident, caring adults.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Self Help

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
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Reviews

[Deanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Kevin Leman is a well-known psychologist, as well as a father to four daughters. He has apparently written over 20 books on family.

The subject of the book is pretty much what the title indicates. It gives examples of how a father makes an extremely strong impression on his daughters life and helps determine how she may see men in the world. Some of it may seem like common sense but it also had some really interesting insight into father/daughter relationships.

The book is divided into three sections with each section being at least four chapters long.
I bought this book for my ex-husband when my daughter was very little. Unfortunately he wasn't a big reader and didn't end up reading it, so I did.

There were a few times, Dr. Leman came across as a bit, for lack of a better word vain. On quite a few occasions he indicated how he is very well known and sought-after to appear on TV and radio etc. To be fair he has written many books, but it just felt at times like there was a little too much patting himself on the back.

That being said, I did find the book informative and easy to read. I enjoyed many of the personal stories he shared of his life with his daughters as well as some of his friends lives with their families. There were a few very funny little stories that made it an enjoyable read. He not only shared all of his positive experiences as a father but he was also very open about some of the mistakes he made, which I appreciated.

This book was published in 2000 so if written today there may have been additional issues addressed. However in many ways I think this book is still very relevant. I am divorced now and feel like I am a good mother for the most part but I do feel my ex-husbands influence would probably make a difference in certain situations.

This is not to say that all families are the same. Times have changed. There are many different family structures that work just fine. We don't live in an age where there is always a mother and father. We have many good families that include single-parent households, step-families, same-sex relationships, extended families living together etc.

When I bought the book I didn't think I would end up being a single mother myself. So while I do think this is a decent book I do still feel that a family is created by people who love and support each other.

However, there were some very good parenting tips in this book and I did gain a lot of insight into father/daughter relationships. I even gained some insight into how my own relationship with my father impacted many aspects of my life.

[JN]

I read this book by Dr Kevin Leman when it was recommended to me by someone who was aware of my yearning for my deceased father six years after his death.
This book helped me to finally put an end to a seemingly unending cycle of grief.

Even if I had not read it to remember my own father, I would have found it an entertaining and useful book. The fact that Kevin Leman peppers the book with little anecdotes of his own five daughters' interactions with him makes it even more endearing, for me.
This book could serve as a beacon of light for those who never had the luxury of ever knowing their father or having their father around growing up, as well as a lovely trip down meory lane for those who had a wonderful relationship with their father.
I find it a very enlightening book on the importance of Father in any young woman's life.
Even if a woman does not see this as important.

I also think it is a wonderful book to read as a potential parent, as the jewels of healthy parenting are well presented, albeit in a softly disguised manner.
In a society where increasingly large numbers of people are being separated from their father for a variety of reasons, with the resultant misery that this causes, I find this book a real source of comfort that someone knows the truth, that we have not all gone completely mad.
This book should be read by every woman, young and old, and by every man.

Because fatherhood is fast becoming a lost art, voluntarily or not.
But the effects are deep and long lasting.

This book might just help someone understand what it is to be a father, and save another person who would otherwise have gone down that painful road.
This book might just help someone understand what it is to have a father.
And rejoice that they had one.

I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone.

[queen esther · Rating 4 out of 5]

i read this as a gift to myself for father's day, to give me some insight on my relationship with my father (which is actually pretty cool these days).

this is a smart book, an easy read, one that i would recommend to absolutely anyone, but it's especially a must for black men who are fathers. way too many women i know see fathers as just a paycheck. in many instances, they don't understand the importance of a father because they've never had one who had a strong presence in their lives. in many instances, even when he was physically present, he wasn't necessarily "there".

so why have a father that's especially involved with your daughter?

because according to this book, it is fathers who give girls their self-esteem/self-worth. girls get a sense from their fathers -- not their mothers -- that they're worth being loved. if the father isn't present in the girl's life to give her this, she will find a surrogate who will. this can mean lousy choices in love for the rest of her life. and of course, this cycle will perpetuate itself when it's time for her to have children.

kids are going to belong someplace. the question isn't whether they'll belong but where. a gang. a basketball team. a boyfriend/girlfriend. but they will belong.

some of it was a little too disney-esque for me -- like him crying his eyes out when one of his daughters left home for college/got married (yeah, he's a cryer) -- but on second thought, maybe the ideal situation needed to be presented so we'd see the male/father and female/mother roles in the home in their proper perspective.

yeah. a definite must-read.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

This a great book for fathers. It is not Rocket Science but it would be infinitely more valuable than rocket science if every father applied the principles in this book. Some of the highlights for me where:

Giving your daughter a nickname that is just for her and only used by you

Make sure your daughters see you make mistakes. As someone who tends to cover up mistakes it is very important for me to make my failures known

Parenting isn't about being Santa Claus (giving gifts/consumerism), it's about building a relationship (spending quality time). I found this particularly important as it flies in the face of our North American consumeristic culture that equates providing the best things and giving things to your kids as being a good parent.

[Martin Dolezal · Rating 2 out of 5]

První půle ok, ne zcela převratné, ale několik zajímavých postřehů k výchově. Pak už to začalo trochu nudit, možná tím, že hodně klade důraz na náboženství, což je něco, co jsem v knize vůbec nečekal.

[Alex Caravaggio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very sweet book about a father, and psychologists journey and experiences with his daughters. My biggest takeaways:
-be present
-have faith
-set positive and negative impressions
-be an example of love to wife and God
-don’t be afraid to have the awkward and important conversations

Some of the stories felt overly long, but otherwise a pleasant read with practical advice and the importance of a quality Dad in every daughter’s life.

[Arturo · Rating 3 out of 5]

El libro está muy bien para los tiempos de mis padres, sin embargo creo que para los tiempos actuales se encuentra desactualizado (y no es que se pueda actualizar con una nueva edición), es decir que las experiencias me parecen obsoletas al menos para la mayoría de los casos actuales.

[Matt Willden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the anecdotes and principles for how important fathers are in the lives of their children, their daughters in particular. It already changed - positively - many approaches I use with my own daughter. I liked his blend of scholarly research, religious principles, and personal insights.

[Ronny Belo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple y extraordinario a la vez, te concientiza sobre el valor de las pequeñas cosas, muy práctico... gracias Dr Leman por ayudar en la relación más importante que tengo en mi vida, mi relación con mi hija!

[Braxton Bauzon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!

I really enjoyed reading this book. I will definitely be re-reading this as my 2 months old daughter goes through the different stages of life. I pray that I would have the same experience that Kevin had at the Epilogue.

[Julio Ibarra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buen libro, tiene buenos consejos pero está demasiado enfocado en cómo son las familias en Estados Unidos, por lo general, las dinámicas familiares en México son distintas.
Aún así, tiene buenos temas.

[Luke Gruber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very story driven book on parenting with heavy emphasis on relational parenting and understanding your daughters/kids individual moods. It was good.

[Mike Henry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this when my daughters were toddlers. Profoundly impacted my view of raising daughters.

[Brandon Piner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anecdotal fun read. Dr. Leman will have you laughing and crying. I read this book before the birth of our first, and it was a great read.

[Obdulio Meré · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un Excelente libro, con anécdotas y consejos prácticos, para establecer relaciones duraderas padres-hijas, súper recomendado.

[JOSE LUIS · Rating 5 out of 5]

Guía para padres qué quieren saber como educar a sus hijas, más que nada en el tema afectivo y de valores.

[Rich Schmaltz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was an easy read and had lots of entertaining and funny stories about real life as a parent, but a healthy dose of the truth. The stories were helpful in getting his points across and made it a quick read.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found Leman's Birth Order Book so readable and interesting (especially for non-fiction!) that I thought I'd see if this one was any good. I had intended to let Jason read it first but found myself flipping through the pages and suddenly realized I was already halfway through the book, so I decided to go ahead and finish it. I think the thing that compelled me to read the book were my own experiences as a daughter, not my experience as a mother.

I liked that this book not only recommends how fathers connect with their daughters, but why they should. Leman includes anecdotes from his own life, and the lives of several of his friends. It was interesting to read this book as a mother and daughter. As a daughter, I received almost none of what Leman recommends to create strong girls and I can see the results of that in my life. As a mother, I see my husband already doing many of the things recommended.

I especially liked Leman's recommendation to love each daughter differently and his thoughts on exactly how this might look in a family with more than one daughter.

If you have daughters, read this book for encouragement and practical advice on how to love them well. If you are a daughter who wants to better understand yourself, I think this book can also be helpful.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Someone I briefly worked with about seven years ago gave this book to me, and it just sat on my shelf. Last week I was bored waiting for my library book to come in and finally decided to read it. It focuses only on the father/daughter relationship and the impact dads have in thier dauthers' lives. It was pretty cheesy in a lot of parts, but I was surprised to find that it had some really interesting insights. The author is Christian, so a lot of things he talks about go along with my values/beliefs. I would recommend it to any dads that struggle relating to their daughters, and to fathers and daughters that come from a divorced home. Unfortunately, the dads that need it most probably won't read it.

[Kyle Moon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wouldn't have any reason to read a book like this before becoming a father. I think our children face so much adversity in this world that it is important to get a perspective from those that see the issues constantly in their line of work. I highly recommend this book to any parents with daughters.

[Juan]

I truly liked and enjoyed reading this book. I have 2 daughters. There were many insightful and deep offerings made by the author. I appreciate what he's been through, and his own experiences and dedicated learning, which he willingly shared throughout the book. I've already decided that I will want to read this again someday, as my daughters grow, and get older.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

We got this when I had Sarah. My mom and I both loved it and Kevin enjoyed it too. I think it's a great resource for a new dad who has little experience with girls and doesn't understand how much they truly effect their daughter's grown up life and relationships.

[Martin Bour · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must-read for any father of a daughter. I read it during the first 5 months of my daughters life, and it really made clear the huge impact a father has on his daughter. Hopefully I'll remember it all for the next 20 years!

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for all daddys with little girls. I read it before I recommended it to my husband and we both agree that this is a great book.

[Alan Gable · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leman has some good insights into raising daughters.

[Demetrius Rogers]

Leman had me laughing and crying all throughout this book. This guy lives what he teaches. Lots of respect for this author.

[Phil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic Book1

[Jt]

good read for being a dad

[Claudio Quezada · Rating 2 out of 5]

Demasiado básico.

[Alfredo Benitez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sencillo y práctico

Aunque muy enfocado en su propia familia, hay buenos consejos e ideas para implementar. En general conocido con que lo importante es tomar el tiempo y hacer el esfuerzo para comprender y apoyar a tu hija. Sobretodo si has estado rodeado de hombres y no sabes muy bien del todo cómo ser el padre que ella necesita que tú seas.