The Real You: Becoming the Person You Want to Be

by Kevin Leman

"I believe that personality makeovers are just as possible as appearance makeovers," claims birth order guru Dr. Kevin Leman. Now available in paper, The Real You delivers the goods on how readers can figure themselves out, ditch the bad stuff that's been holding them back, and maximize their undeveloped strengths. Leman guides the reader through four main personality grids-birth order, the four classic personality types, childhood memories, and love languages. Readers will learn how to develop positive habits, use self talk to work through times of failure, marshal their imaginative energy in dealing with problems, and more. Once readers really understand themselves-their strengths, their weaknesses, their predispositions, the forces of nature and the family background that shaped them into the people they are-there will be no holding them back, asserts Leman. For anyone who wants to climb vocational mountains, break out of relational ruts, and forge new social patterns, The Real You invites them to build on who they are and become their personal best.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Parenting

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter

Reviews

[Evi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kita semua tau bahwa secara umum ada 4 tipe kepribadian yaitu: 1. Melankolis (saya tempatkan ini di urutan pertama karna sepertinya saya dominan melankolis he he)
2. Phlegmatic
3. Sanguin
4. Koleris

Namun jarang sekali orang yang 100% melankolis, 100% sanguin, 100% Phlegmatic, atau 100% koleris.
Kebanyakan dari kita memiliki kepribadian kombinasi. Misalnya Percampuran dari Melankolis dan Plegmatis, dsb.

(bisa kita bayangkan kalau saja di dunia ini hanya ada 4 jenis kepribadian, hi...h pasti bakal membosankan sekali)

Banyak faktor yang memberi kontribusi terhadap proses pembentukan karakter dari setiap pribadi.

Di buku ini dijelaskan, bahwa urutan kelahiran, dan cara orang tua membesarkan atau mendidik seseorang juga mempengaruhi pembentukan karakter dari satu pribadi.

Berdasarkan penelitian yang dilakukan oleh penulis (Dr. Kevin Leman) Pada umumnya anak Sulung akan dominan Melancholic, anak bungsu cenderung Sanguin, dsb.
Tapi itu tetap saja dipengaruhi oleh cara lingkungan dan orang tua membesarkannya. Bahkan luka masa kanak kanak pun turut membentuk kepribadian seseorang.

Dengan membaca buku ini, kita bisa tau kenapa kita sering bersitegang dengan salah satu teman atau saudara kita, mengapa si A cenderung bersikap agresif, mengapa si B cenderung perfeksionis, dsb...

So, to find more about it, just read the book...

[JP · Rating 4 out of 5]

Best known for his psychology about birth order, Leman focuses here on personality, combining birth order with the four classic temperaments: choleric, melancholy, phlegmatic, and sanguine. He emphasizes the importance of early childhood experiences in forming personality (and demonstrates it in an exercise that certainly worked for me). Early childhood experiences that made an impression form a "private logic" that we tend to use throughout life. These are molded in part by birth order. If we can recognize these patterns we can leverage the benefits and deal with the downsides.

[Betsy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I purchased this book a couple of years ago but had never read it. The part about Birth Order caught my eye and sounded intriguing. While I did find different things throughout the book interesting, I didn't come across any ah-ha moments. Maybe others will. Besides Birth Order, Leman also covers the topics of Childhood Memories, Love Language, and Personality Type.

[Kay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Birth order guru Kevin Leman "delivers the goods on how readers can figure themselves out, ditch the bad stuff that's been holding them back, and maximize their undeveloped strengths." Sections are on birth order, personality types, childhood memories, and love languages. He encourages readers to "develop positive habits, use self talk to work through times of failure, marshal their imaginative energy in dealing with problems..." I could find nuggets of truth scattered throughout but Leman's personality is outgoing, wanting to entertain and make people laugh, and it often came across to me as flippant and irreverent. I guess that's what to be expected since he has a sanguine personality and is the baby of the family. As a melancholic only child, I was left cold.

[Frany74 · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF @ 50%. This book didn’t have anything new to teach me and the author’s tone got on my nerves. 1.5 stars

[Regina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Basic. Lots of anecdotes; too many, actually. Looking for more science based ideas. Facts. It sounds like pop psychology more than research based ideas.

[Jonathan Beigle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kevin Leman is a Christian psychologist that has written dozen of books. Though I haven't read many of his books, I think The Real You is kind of a culmination of all of this books into one. He combines his work on birth order, 5 love languages (which isn't even his), early childhood memories, and personality types in order to talk about how someone can focus on improving self. While the book is not really Christian, he does mention some Bible verses as references on what the Bible says to improve your life. I would recommend this book to someone that is struggling with a certain area of life and needs to understand why they're doing and take steps to change. I didn't find that this book was full of quotes to remember for life, but it is a good/funny/quick read that was enjoyable.

Some notable quotes:
- p. 56 - "Criticism is like a personality virus; it can take the strongest personality and wipe it out."
- p. 82 - "Finding someone unlike you is the key to a great marital match."
- p. 99 - "If you're lost on your way to perfection, let me give you a little hint: You'll never get there."
- p. 142 - "You must separate the past from the future. The past has already influenced your present, but how much it influences your future is up to you."
- p. 161 - "By and large, adolescents don't like questions."

[Douglas Lord · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disappointing. The usually sound Leman (Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down How To Raise Confident, Successful Children) misfires here. In the book's first half, he stresses the importance of individual birth order and personality type (sanguine, melancholic, phlegmatic, and choleric) in defining one's true self. He then contradicts those arguments for predisposition by claiming, "You are the way you are because of the choices you have made in response to your surrounding environment." Leman would like readers "to rethink everything [they've] been doing," but he doesn't explain why. Vaguely Christian in tone, the book lacks anything practical and is filled with fluffy anecdotes about celebrities, e.g., Charlton Heston is presented as a typical first born. Not recommended.

Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.

[Steve Walker · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a quick read and flows like a Tony Robbins seminar. Leman shares some anecdotal stories from his personal life that are entertaining and he has a flair for throwing humor in the right places. The book is not scientific nor based on any hard science, something he is seriously criticized for by many psychologists and therapists. He tries to tie in studies that are done and some neuro-science, but not convincingly enough for me.

Leman has a few neat ideas about how your birth order and family dynamics shape your perception of yourself and how you function, concepts which he has largely built his career on and continues to rehash in his many books.

I did not walk away with very much concrete from here I can apply to my life. I felt like I was getting something during the read, but like a Tony Robbins seminar or a dream, it all faded away once I put the book down and tried to recall if there was any meat there

[Sheila Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you enjoy reading about personality types, birth order, and love languages and all these work together you would love this book! Dr. Leman's goal is to help identify where people are so we can all be our best! He compares the personality types to the characters in Winnie the Pooh so I was hooked from the beginning! He gives real life examples and writes in a humorous way which makes this a fun and informative read!

[Havannah Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was astounded upon knowing the effects birth order, childhood memories, and love language given me. Thanks to Dr. Kevin Leman, there is so much to know about oneself. :)

I liked the assurance of Leman's promise.

People are too weak, afraid, doubtful--but knowing yourself more, you can use your weaknesses to improve who you are. :)

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book talks about birth order, but also about personality types and other elements that make up who we are and why we do what we do. Dr. Leman is a fun author to read and is always easy to learn something from.

[Sarah Combs · Rating 3 out of 5]

another research book

[Angela]

I bought it and skimmed it because I loved his birth order books so much but it didn't really speak to me.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good natured man with funny stories. Uses birth order, love language, and personality type to help you find insight to yourself.

[Petrus Anjar]

chapter

[Lisa]

Life

[Raymond · Rating 5 out of 5]

good beginner