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Lighting Their Fires: Raising Extraordinary Children in a Mixed-up, Muddled-up, Shook-up World
The New York Times bestselling author of Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire shares his proven methods for creating compassionate children
During twenty-five years of teaching at Hobart Elementary School in inner city Los Angeles, Rafe Esquith has helped thousands of children maximize their potential—and became the only teacher in history to receive the president's National Medal of Arts. In Lighting Their Fires , Esquith translates the inspiring methods from Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire for parents. Using lessons framed by a class trip to a Dodgers game, he moves inning by inning through concepts that explain how to teach children to be thoughtful and honorable people—as well as successful students—and to have fun in the process.
During twenty-five years of teaching at Hobart Elementary School in inner city Los Angeles, Rafe Esquith has helped thousands of children maximize their potential—and became the only teacher in history to receive the president's National Medal of Arts. In Lighting Their Fires , Esquith translates the inspiring methods from Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire for parents. Using lessons framed by a class trip to a Dodgers game, he moves inning by inning through concepts that explain how to teach children to be thoughtful and honorable people—as well as successful students—and to have fun in the process.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published August 25, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 135 reviews
December 22, 2013
All Esquith's books are basically the same, because he's describing the same things in different ways. But the thing he's describing is so good, it's worth hearing again and again: he teaches kids the value of persistence, diligence, integrity, self-control, and the arts. He tells story about his kids and how capable, mature, and successful they are as a result of these lessons.
The lessons for parents and kids:
* punctuality,
* use time valuably,
* care about and learn from the past,
* repeat and repeat the values,
* embrace an art and learn time management, focus, etc.
* put away distractions,
* develop a personal code of behaviour (he uses Kohlberg's six levels of motivation)
* radio, models, board games, getting good at music and other arts, reading all build focus. TV and games do not.
* the importance of decisions and that they be good ones,
* to recognise that they are making decisions every day,
* spotting and discussing decisions in novels, plays, and movies,
* if something's worth doing, it's worth doing well,
* actions have consequences, there are good outcomes and bad, strive for excellence, lose the sense of entitlement,
* consider your alternatives,
* in the arts, try for excellence not adequacy,
* allowances not tied to chores—chores are responsibility, and the reward is the job well done,
* identify substandard work and require it to be done to standard, otherwise there are no standards,
* be self-less,
* work with groups not individuals, so all can recognise and appreciate and celebrate the hard work of others,
* do the right thing for the right reasons,
* be able to do the right thing without acknowledgement or praise (humility),
* to be able to delay gratification.
Along the way, lots of great quotes. Over the library of Thebes: "Medicine for the Soul". Mark Twain's alleged line, "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." Martin Luther King, Jr: "If it falls to your lot to sweep the streets, Sweep them like Michelangelo painted pictures, Like Shakespeare wrote poetry, Like Beethoven composed music."
The lessons for parents and kids:
* punctuality,
* use time valuably,
* care about and learn from the past,
* repeat and repeat the values,
* embrace an art and learn time management, focus, etc.
* put away distractions,
* develop a personal code of behaviour (he uses Kohlberg's six levels of motivation)
* radio, models, board games, getting good at music and other arts, reading all build focus. TV and games do not.
* the importance of decisions and that they be good ones,
* to recognise that they are making decisions every day,
* spotting and discussing decisions in novels, plays, and movies,
* if something's worth doing, it's worth doing well,
* actions have consequences, there are good outcomes and bad, strive for excellence, lose the sense of entitlement,
* consider your alternatives,
* in the arts, try for excellence not adequacy,
* allowances not tied to chores—chores are responsibility, and the reward is the job well done,
* identify substandard work and require it to be done to standard, otherwise there are no standards,
* be self-less,
* work with groups not individuals, so all can recognise and appreciate and celebrate the hard work of others,
* do the right thing for the right reasons,
* be able to do the right thing without acknowledgement or praise (humility),
* to be able to delay gratification.
Along the way, lots of great quotes. Over the library of Thebes: "Medicine for the Soul". Mark Twain's alleged line, "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." Martin Luther King, Jr: "If it falls to your lot to sweep the streets, Sweep them like Michelangelo painted pictures, Like Shakespeare wrote poetry, Like Beethoven composed music."
March 11, 2023
Very inspiring!
Love Rafe's writings on education. He is very refreshing and sets his standards high! Definitely a book I will be returning to when I school my own children (Lord willing). Took several notes but don't want to type them all out here.
Go read it :)
Love Rafe's writings on education. He is very refreshing and sets his standards high! Definitely a book I will be returning to when I school my own children (Lord willing). Took several notes but don't want to type them all out here.
Go read it :)
November 11, 2012
Lighting Their Fires: Raising Children in a Mixed-Up, Muddled Up, Shook Up World by Rafe Esquith is basically as the title promises a guide to upbringing children to be all they can be. I don't have children, but I interact with children on a daily basis, as a student teacher. (I haven't dropped out of the program yet, thank goodness!) Rafe uses baseball to structure his book instead of chapters, there are innings. Anecdotes are used to further illustrate his point. Also each chapter includes a section about what to put in a child's backpack. The backpack thing is a metaphor, i.e. place a sense of time in your child's backpack.
Read the rest of my review here
Read the rest of my review here
Read
June 2, 2018There are some dedicated, inspiring teachers out there. The kind that could have a movie made about their life. Rafe Esquith, a 5th grade elementary teacher in Los Angeles, is one of those teachers. He uses the story of taking his students to a Dodger game to illustrate important lessons kids need to learn to help them succeed in life-not just on end of the year tests. All and all an inspiring read. He expounds on the quote "Sweep like Shakepeare writes poetry, Sweep like Michaelangelo paints and like Beethoven composes music." He gives suggestions for books and movies to read, watch, and discuss with kids to drive home each life lesson. Although I'll pass on many of his suggestions, I had scenes from other movies and books pop in my head that illustrates the same point. And now on to the library website to place a hold for his other book "Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire."
September 25, 2009
The central theme of the book is that students aren't born extraordinary - they become that way. It takes more than natural smarts and skills to be successful - it takes work on the parts of parents and teachers to ignite in children the drive and determination needed to become more than mediocre.
I liked how the anecdotes, advice and examples were woven around the story of a night at a ballgame with a small group of students. The students learned so many things during their experience and the author uses it to teach us as well.
I was sold by the First Inning since it was focused on the value of time. Esquith had taught his students the importance of being on time especially in that it reflects an appreciation of others. I can remember as early as high school having a great respect for being on time. I felt (and still feel) that those that are chronically late don't care about those they are meeting or don't care about the event they are attending. It's especially sad to see families continually late for school or Mass - what are we teaching our children when we don't value education and worshiping God?
I plan to go back through the book to write down book and movie suggestions for teaching life lessons. Whether a new or seasoned parent or teacher, this book can provide all with ideas for instilling greatness in the next generation.
I liked how the anecdotes, advice and examples were woven around the story of a night at a ballgame with a small group of students. The students learned so many things during their experience and the author uses it to teach us as well.
I was sold by the First Inning since it was focused on the value of time. Esquith had taught his students the importance of being on time especially in that it reflects an appreciation of others. I can remember as early as high school having a great respect for being on time. I felt (and still feel) that those that are chronically late don't care about those they are meeting or don't care about the event they are attending. It's especially sad to see families continually late for school or Mass - what are we teaching our children when we don't value education and worshiping God?
I plan to go back through the book to write down book and movie suggestions for teaching life lessons. Whether a new or seasoned parent or teacher, this book can provide all with ideas for instilling greatness in the next generation.
November 15, 2020
This inspirational book balances stories with theory and ties it all together during a baseball game. The book grabs the reader from page one, and deposits the reader in a better place at the last words. I have been reading parenting books recently, and they unfortunately give me pause to ponder the places that I have fallen short. (My husband has actually suggested that I stop reading parenting books as I end up feeling guilty and ruminating about it.) This book will be among a very few books that I will push upon my adult children when they become parents. Within the first chapters, I reached out to my brother, who is a teacher and a huge baseball fan, to read it, and he has since ordered it. I wish I had made a list of all the movies and books that Esquith highlights. I appreciated the fine line he walked between teaching life lessons to his students and judging others. I loved the idea of sweeping the floor like Shakespeare from this Martin Luther King quote that Esquith refers to a few times: "If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well."
March 31, 2019
I forgot how much I enjoy books for educators.
Read
August 3, 2011Rafe Esquith sets out to prove to us that he is the best teacher ever, and this book is basically about all the wonderful things he does for students over and above a regular school day in the classroom. Maybe he'd needs to re-read his sections on humility.
Basically his advice boils down to teaching children how to behave, turning off the television, and making sure they have music lessons.
He uses the innings of a baseball game--that, of course, he took students to on his own time--as the framework for this book, but a baseball game cannot pull together all of the disconnected pieces. He seems to be aware of this problem, and in the acknowledgements he says, "I am privileged to write books because my extraordinary publisher... recognizes substance over style." But it's still a book, we're still readers, and style matters. A book that repeatedly leaps from one paragraph or short section to the next unrelated paragraph or short section is not a good book, regardless of the quality of the substance!
Basically his advice boils down to teaching children how to behave, turning off the television, and making sure they have music lessons.
He uses the innings of a baseball game--that, of course, he took students to on his own time--as the framework for this book, but a baseball game cannot pull together all of the disconnected pieces. He seems to be aware of this problem, and in the acknowledgements he says, "I am privileged to write books because my extraordinary publisher... recognizes substance over style." But it's still a book, we're still readers, and style matters. A book that repeatedly leaps from one paragraph or short section to the next unrelated paragraph or short section is not a good book, regardless of the quality of the substance!
January 4, 2013
The reviews I read before starting this book tended to note how judgmental the author seems to be, but if that's so, well, then so am I. Perhaps I simply share his values. I, too, bemoan the lack of courtesy, difficulty in delaying gratification, and non-stop attachment to screens (whether it be TV, video games, or whatever) that I see in today's youth and, unfortunately these days, more widely in society. The cautionary tales he told did not surprise me in the least.
I've read his other books about teaching, and while this one is purportedly for parents, there's much that can be put to use in the classroom as well (even though he really covers no new ground from his previous works). I'd have liked some ideas about what to do with/for older "kids"--I'm teaching high school now--who haven't been exposed to the enriched, character-based, challenging, involved family/educational environment that he poses as ideal. Other than that, though, it was a quick, satisfying read that confirmed a lot of what I already believe.
I've read his other books about teaching, and while this one is purportedly for parents, there's much that can be put to use in the classroom as well (even though he really covers no new ground from his previous works). I'd have liked some ideas about what to do with/for older "kids"--I'm teaching high school now--who haven't been exposed to the enriched, character-based, challenging, involved family/educational environment that he poses as ideal. Other than that, though, it was a quick, satisfying read that confirmed a lot of what I already believe.
July 21, 2011
Ugh. This book didn't do it for me. There were two things I liked about it: Firstly, he described a hierarchy of what motivates people to do things and I liked his part about how we want to get our kids to do things for intrinsic reasons and not just to avoid punishment or for a reward. And the second thing I (kind of) liked was that he gave a few specific book, movie, game recommendations on how to use those to teach life lessons to your kids. But his voice and tone did not work for me - he's an elementary teacher and I felt like he was writing for a 5th grader. Maybe it would be an okay book for someone with little to no exposure to how to teach life lessons to kids but I think my friends can safely skip this book.
May 25, 2011
Esquith's final book, written more as advice for parents than his former memoirs. I found this book to be quite repetitive of the others...no real new ideas, just another spin on the others. I did get a sense of superiority from Esquith in this book that I forgave him for in the other books--at times he portrays as the world going to pot around him. As if the only person in society left with any decency is him (& his students, because of him.) Oddly enough, he includes quite a long section of developing modesty in this book...so it's a little ironic. It's okay though. I hugely admire Esquith, & he has influenced me a lot. I imagine it would be very difficult to be modest in his situation.
September 28, 2014
An incredible author who has brought out the best in many students shares his opinions about what leads to success. I can't help but think that a driving force in the kids success is having an adult who truly believes in them and will walk the extra miles with them. I like that he doesn't coddle any of these kids - he meets them where they are at and pushes them forward if they are willing. At some points the author can be quite judgmental, but if you can get past that, this book is well worth reading. I like how he said - as a teacher find your interests and bring them into your classroom. As a parent I think this rings true as well. We don't need to be Rafe Esquith and teach Shakespeare. We need to find our own interests and bring those into our children's learning.
Read
July 25, 2011Felt compelled to read this as an educator and I haven't read his earlier work. Although I'm impressed by what he has accomplished and how far his students have come, it saddens me that we need a book like this to teach us how to parent our children, how to encourage our youth and how to "light their fires." His tips and advice are not rocket science - it's mostly common sense values. What does it say about our society that we need to have a how-to book that talks about the importance of teaching our children to be on time?
February 21, 2019
I picked up this book looking for some help making my own kids extraordinary. I am not a teacher. I am in healthcare and I have wanted to be a doctor since I was in 8th grade!! After a particularly hard week of parenting and working, I came to the realization that my oldest child (10 y/o boy) is very intelligent, athletic, and funny but he has no real passion about anything. I set about finding a book to help me “light his fire”. I started with a book with those words in the title!!
We are slowly but surely employing some of these strategies and we are seeing some positive changes!!
We are slowly but surely employing some of these strategies and we are seeing some positive changes!!
August 20, 2020
This was a easy book in which Mr Esquith shares some positive ideas for bringing out the best in kids. Really, the lessons to apply to everyone. Things like being on time, reading, respecting others, being present in whatever you are currently doing, limiting screen time, arts and music. I don't think there were any great ah-ha moments, but since reading, the chess board has been out on our table.
His book reminds me of a quote, "In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.”
—Dieter F. Uchtdorf
His book reminds me of a quote, "In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.”
—Dieter F. Uchtdorf
January 11, 2021
I love how the book is organized and the example shared. I would love to be a teacher like this man! Some really great principles are taught that apply to parenting as well as teaching. I imagine he could teach an excellent course on this book!
March 10, 2023
This teacher seeks to make children extra ordinary, teaching them the skills that they would be able to use for a lifetime. This book equips parents and teachers with information on how to do this lots of book and movie recommendations. It was good
May 11, 2019
I loved certain quotes from this book and made a little TBR out of books mentioned throughout but felt it was mostly common sense. Yes we know kids should slow down and pay attention, etc.
March 11, 2020
Having read all of his books, I felt that this one was a little preachy at times, but still great! I recommend reading his other books too!
June 7, 2020
Race does it again. His stuff is inspiring as always.
November 1, 2020
Interesting and inspiring read. I liked how the entire framework of the book was set in the various of one baseball game. However, the advice to parents seemed simplistic and unrealistic.
May 16, 2021
Thought-provoking, especially after a year of quarantine life, virtual school, and so much screen time for all.
July 20, 2023
Good ideas and inspiration to keep on even when it's hard.
July 21, 2025
Good advice weakened by some odd anecdotes and quirky hang-ups but useful overall.
October 2, 2014
Tragedy is not merely a sad ending; it is a sad ending that should have been wonderful.
So says Rafe Esquith of all students who are not given access to a true education, and he’s not talking merely math and grammar. In his little experimental classroom in an urban school in California, he has been shaping the lives of young people for decades. The world has stood up to notice. How, with the usual limited resources of an impoverished district, is he able to take ordinary, underperforming students and transform them not only into scholars, but into exemplary human beings in only one year?
In Lighting Their Fires, he reveals how to encourage kids to use their time wisely (who wouldn’t want to get the most possible fun out of a precious weekend?); turn off their TVs; write their own personal code of conduct that sets them apart from the crowd (and how to manage that curious lonely feeling that often results); treat consequences as rare learning opportunities; learn and read for pleasure, not to merely “rent knowledge” for a test; and take pride in everything they do as servants to the greater good of humanity.
Like other leaders in the teaching field, he challenges the No Child Left Behind standards and grading practices, citing the lack of consequences for poor performance or disrespectful behavior as the unintended creator of an entitlement mentality that will ultimately fail students in all they endeavor in life, from relationships to career. He insists we are not doing kids a favor, for their self-esteem or otherwise, by passing them when they are only getting 10 percent correct on tests. He also confronts schools’ contracts with publishers who censor out rival companies’ books from the classrooms, putting teachers in the difficult position of secretly reading great world literature to their students like smugglers.
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, then we need to make a major change in how we do this school thing. Districts, students, parents, and teachers must face who truly benefits from our current system and be willing to unplug the flow of money for the sake of our kids’ futures. This process will require energy, courage, and a willingness to be unpopular. He urges us to raise children, and I dare say, ourselves, to be fine people in order to change the world.
As an anonymous philosopher once said, “If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.”
So says Rafe Esquith of all students who are not given access to a true education, and he’s not talking merely math and grammar. In his little experimental classroom in an urban school in California, he has been shaping the lives of young people for decades. The world has stood up to notice. How, with the usual limited resources of an impoverished district, is he able to take ordinary, underperforming students and transform them not only into scholars, but into exemplary human beings in only one year?
In Lighting Their Fires, he reveals how to encourage kids to use their time wisely (who wouldn’t want to get the most possible fun out of a precious weekend?); turn off their TVs; write their own personal code of conduct that sets them apart from the crowd (and how to manage that curious lonely feeling that often results); treat consequences as rare learning opportunities; learn and read for pleasure, not to merely “rent knowledge” for a test; and take pride in everything they do as servants to the greater good of humanity.
Like other leaders in the teaching field, he challenges the No Child Left Behind standards and grading practices, citing the lack of consequences for poor performance or disrespectful behavior as the unintended creator of an entitlement mentality that will ultimately fail students in all they endeavor in life, from relationships to career. He insists we are not doing kids a favor, for their self-esteem or otherwise, by passing them when they are only getting 10 percent correct on tests. He also confronts schools’ contracts with publishers who censor out rival companies’ books from the classrooms, putting teachers in the difficult position of secretly reading great world literature to their students like smugglers.
If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, then we need to make a major change in how we do this school thing. Districts, students, parents, and teachers must face who truly benefits from our current system and be willing to unplug the flow of money for the sake of our kids’ futures. This process will require energy, courage, and a willingness to be unpopular. He urges us to raise children, and I dare say, ourselves, to be fine people in order to change the world.
As an anonymous philosopher once said, “If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.”
April 24, 2010
Lighting Their Fires is, as Esquith says in his acknowledgments, about substance over style. I have little doubt that Rafe Esquith is a fantastic teacher. Reading this book gave me great ideas for some things to tackle with my fifth grader next year (specifically, some Shakespeare) and affirmed many of my parenting tenets. The reason it earns only three stars is that I didn't feel like I really learned as much from this book as I would have liked.
I think that is true, in large part, because this book is not targeted to me. I wanted this book to help me light my child's spark for a love of learning. And while there are things in this book that I will use with my children (especially Kohlberg's six levels of moral development), I wanted a bit more.
Who should read this book? Two categories leap to mind: classroom teachers, especially those in disadvantaged schools and those who work with non-profits who serve youth. As I read it, I thought of a friend who runs a ballet ministry for at-risk kids. There are many ideas in here that will reinforce what she's already doing and that might be useful for her dance teachers as they deal with students and parents who approach life in a different way. So if you're looking for a book that will energize your approach to your after school program or your work with sixth graders, give this book a try.
I think that is true, in large part, because this book is not targeted to me. I wanted this book to help me light my child's spark for a love of learning. And while there are things in this book that I will use with my children (especially Kohlberg's six levels of moral development), I wanted a bit more.
Who should read this book? Two categories leap to mind: classroom teachers, especially those in disadvantaged schools and those who work with non-profits who serve youth. As I read it, I thought of a friend who runs a ballet ministry for at-risk kids. There are many ideas in here that will reinforce what she's already doing and that might be useful for her dance teachers as they deal with students and parents who approach life in a different way. So if you're looking for a book that will energize your approach to your after school program or your work with sixth graders, give this book a try.
July 10, 2015
I've heard Rafe Esquith speak and he's definitely an inspirational speaker. His book is pretty well written with relatively engaging stories carefully structured around a baseball game.
Overall I think he makes some useful points that are great to remember when parenting, even if I think there's too much harping on about the dangers of TV while holding up "classic" Hollywood cinema as a good teaching tool.
Here's some of the main points I found useful to remember:
- give your kids a backpack filled with tools and skills
- the importance of teaching kids about time, timeliness, and time management
- to help with focus, engage kids with Lawrence Kohlberg's 6 levels of moral development which are level 1 - I do not want to get in trouble, level 2 - I want a reward, level 3 - I want to please someone, level 4 - I always follow the rules, level 5 - I am considerate of other people, level 6 - I have a personal code of behavior.
- help kids understand decisions and how they are made
- work hard at every project and task
- have philanthropy integrated into the family life
- the importance of humility, focusing on the project, not attention
- picking schools that don't just focus on tests.
- it's the process not the end result. Helpful to have kids engaged in longterm projects, such as gardening.
Overall I think he makes some useful points that are great to remember when parenting, even if I think there's too much harping on about the dangers of TV while holding up "classic" Hollywood cinema as a good teaching tool.
Here's some of the main points I found useful to remember:
- give your kids a backpack filled with tools and skills
- the importance of teaching kids about time, timeliness, and time management
- to help with focus, engage kids with Lawrence Kohlberg's 6 levels of moral development which are level 1 - I do not want to get in trouble, level 2 - I want a reward, level 3 - I want to please someone, level 4 - I always follow the rules, level 5 - I am considerate of other people, level 6 - I have a personal code of behavior.
- help kids understand decisions and how they are made
- work hard at every project and task
- have philanthropy integrated into the family life
- the importance of humility, focusing on the project, not attention
- picking schools that don't just focus on tests.
- it's the process not the end result. Helpful to have kids engaged in longterm projects, such as gardening.
December 26, 2009
Christmas day was a good day to finish this consistently clear and useful book. Rafe Esquith is obviously writing from his own personal beliefs (level 6) and couldn't have helped us see his mission already in progress any better. Though, better still, he invited us to do the same.
There were times when I was reading though these easily digested pieces of advice that I thought, "Wow. Maybe he's just Type A and likes kids who are Type A." That could be the case now and then, but since his heart is in the right place, that's okay. The only thing about those Type A-ers that could possibly decrease world happiness is by losing sight of the important things in life; that Rafe does not do.
There are some bits that have the familiar unpleasant taste of rehashed sermons from a preacher. He even uses the classic Starfish sketch. But, unlike the salty preachers who tell us it happened to his nephew, Rafe tells it like a little (short!) example of what he truly thinks. Not bad :)
Main lessons:
1) good people learn to turn off their own tvs
2) good people do whatever they do to the level that Shakespeare wrote
3) good people make good decisions based on personal codes of belief, not motivated by rewards etc.
There were times when I was reading though these easily digested pieces of advice that I thought, "Wow. Maybe he's just Type A and likes kids who are Type A." That could be the case now and then, but since his heart is in the right place, that's okay. The only thing about those Type A-ers that could possibly decrease world happiness is by losing sight of the important things in life; that Rafe does not do.
There are some bits that have the familiar unpleasant taste of rehashed sermons from a preacher. He even uses the classic Starfish sketch. But, unlike the salty preachers who tell us it happened to his nephew, Rafe tells it like a little (short!) example of what he truly thinks. Not bad :)
Main lessons:
1) good people learn to turn off their own tvs
2) good people do whatever they do to the level that Shakespeare wrote
3) good people make good decisions based on personal codes of belief, not motivated by rewards etc.
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