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The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine
It is no secret that men are in trouble today. From war to ecological collapse, most of the world’s critical problems stem from a distorted masculinity out of control. Yet our culture rewards the very dysfunctions responsible for those problems. To Matthew Fox, our crucial task is to open our minds to a deeper understanding of the healthy masculine than we receive from our media, culture, and religions. To awaken what Fox calls “the sacred masculine,” he unearths ten metaphors, or archetypes, to inspire men to pursue their higher calling to reinvent the world.
368 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2008
About the author
Matthew Fox
170 books185 followersTimothy James "Matthew " Fox is an American priest and theologian. Formerly a member of the Dominican Order within the Catholic Church, he became a member of the Episcopal Church following his expulsion from the order in 1993.
Fox has written 35 books that have been translated into 68 languages and have sold millions of copies and by the mid-1990s had attracted a "huge and diverse following"
Fox has written 35 books that have been translated into 68 languages and have sold millions of copies and by the mid-1990s had attracted a "huge and diverse following"
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
October 29, 2014
Could have been cut in half. Though insightful and overall interesting, very repetitive. With only a few exceptions (ex. the chapter on Icarus and Deadalus), read as a dry research paper. You'd be better served reading a summary than the book itself.
November 27, 2008
I have numerous shelves full of books written specifically for women. These resources encourage women to let go of unhealthy societal expectations, learn to love themselves, and to embrace their inner goddess.
What I realized as I began reading The Hidden Spirituality of Men is that I don’t have any books written for men or about the masculine parts of us all. What about my husband, my son, and my grandson? Doesn’t the world give them unrealistic messages that “real men” don’t show their emotions, that “real men” are supposed to be dominant at all times, and that “real men” are defined by what they drink or what sports they like to watch? Don’t they also need to look within to find and accept the real them?
The Hidden Spirituality of Men opened my eyes. Caught in my own struggles, I hadn’t really considered the male perspective. I didn’t think about the depth that is hidden or why men believe that they need to do so. I hadn’t realized that just as the roles of women have been distorted so have those of men.
What I realized as I began reading The Hidden Spirituality of Men is that I don’t have any books written for men or about the masculine parts of us all. What about my husband, my son, and my grandson? Doesn’t the world give them unrealistic messages that “real men” don’t show their emotions, that “real men” are supposed to be dominant at all times, and that “real men” are defined by what they drink or what sports they like to watch? Don’t they also need to look within to find and accept the real them?
The Hidden Spirituality of Men opened my eyes. Caught in my own struggles, I hadn’t really considered the male perspective. I didn’t think about the depth that is hidden or why men believe that they need to do so. I hadn’t realized that just as the roles of women have been distorted so have those of men.
January 13, 2019
I've read lots of books about women's spirituality. Really enjoyed reading this book about the possibilities for men. Very interested already in Fox's Creation Spirituality -- an expansive mix of not-Christianity-but-Christ-consciousness and a nature /cosmos centered spirituality arising from ancient /indigenous cultures. I truly enjoyed the way this rolled out archetypes that could support a more healthy, modern male spirituality. The Divine Feminine plays a big part in Fox's cosmology and his invitation to all of us, male and female, is to the sacred marriage of dualistic opposites in all of us. For myself, I long for the day when qualities -- strength, compassion, assertiveness, receptivity -- don't get labelled as gendered at all, but we aren't there yet. I fear that as long as men have to be encouraged to tap into their "feminine side", patriarchy will continue to be use labels like "a real man" or expressions like "man up" to shame boys when they express emotion or don't like sports, etc. Nonetheless this book is pointing in the right direction and I really enjoyed it for the most part. A little too long. Interviews weren't always additive and I began to skip them. Overall -- two thumbs up. Made me want to go back and reread "Original Blessing" and pick up "Creativity."
October 13, 2026
The Hidden Spirituality of Men: Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine — Matthew Fox
What does it truly mean to be a man?
I collect books because I want to understand humanity, challenge the way we think, and learn how we can become better people. The Hidden Spirituality of Men by Matthew Fox, first published in 2008, explores a subject that remains important today: what does healthy masculinity look like, and how can men move beyond the expectations that society has placed upon them?
For generations, men have often been taught that masculinity means being dominant, unemotional, powerful, and always in control. Too frequently, society has confused strength with aggression, confidence with arrogance, and leadership with the right to control others. When these expectations become wrapped up in the male ego, they can create a distorted image of what it means to be a man.
But being a man should never mean believing you are superior to anyone else.
Fox explores ten metaphors and archetypes that offer alternative ways of understanding masculinity. He encourages men to look beyond restrictive stereotypes and explore their spirituality, creativity, emotional lives, relationships, and connection to the natural world. The book also considers the relationship between masculine and feminine qualities and the importance of bringing these seemingly opposing forces into balance.
This is an idea I believe deserves more attention.
I believe the strongest men are those who can balance traditionally masculine qualities, such as courage and determination, with qualities often labeled feminine, such as empathy, tenderness, emotional openness, and compassion. These qualities are not weaknesses, nor do they belong exclusively to one gender. They are human qualities, and we all benefit when we learn to develop them.
A man should be able to express sadness without feeling ashamed, admit when he is wrong without seeing it as defeat, listen without needing to dominate a conversation, and show affection without questioning his worth. True strength includes knowing when to stand firm and when to step back, when to speak and when to listen, and when to lead and when to learn from someone else.
Most importantly, men must learn to respect women as equals.
We need to teach our boys from an early age that women are not possessions, prizes, or people who exist to serve their needs. Women are individuals with their own voices, boundaries, ambitions, beliefs, and rights. A woman's body belongs to her. Her home and personal space deserve respect. Her consent matters. No man is entitled to a woman's attention, affection, time, or access to her simply because he wants it.
These lessons must be taught through actions as much as words. Boys need examples of men who demonstrate accountability, humility, kindness, and respect in their everyday lives. They need to see that apologizing is a sign of maturity, that listening is a form of strength, and that treating people well should never depend on what those people can offer in return.
We also need to stop excusing harmful behavior as simply how men are. Ego, entitlement, intimidation, and disrespect are not inevitable features of masculinity. They are behaviors that can be challenged, unlearned, and replaced with healthier ways of relating to others.
Although this book was published in 2008, its questions remain relevant. There are many self-help and personal-development books available today, but reading about growth is only the beginning. Real change happens when people are willing to look honestly at themselves, question the beliefs they have inherited, acknowledge the harm they may have caused, and take responsibility for becoming better.
My only caution is that Fox's spiritual and philosophical approach may not appeal to every reader. Some readers have found his writing repetitive or overly academic, so those looking for a straightforward, practical guide may find it a slower read. Nevertheless, the ideas explored here offer worthwhile opportunities for reflection.
My biggest takeaway
A real man does not need to make others feel small to feel powerful.
He understands that humility does not diminish him, empathy does not make him weak, and respecting women does not threaten his masculinity. He can be strong without being cruel, confident without being arrogant, and protective without being controlling.
We need men who understand that their legacy is not measured by how many people fear them, how much power they hold, or how loudly they demand respect. It is measured, in part, by how they treat people who cannot give them anything in return.
I believe we need to keep encouraging men to explore their inner lives, develop emotional intelligence, and embrace the full range of human qualities within themselves. We need fathers, brothers, partners, friends, teachers, and leaders who model respect and teach the next generation that healthy relationships are built on equality, trust, communication, and consent.
I picked up this book as part of my continuing effort to understand humanity. I believe we all have room to learn, grow, and reconsider what we have been taught.
The world does not need more inflated egos. It needs more emotionally mature people who understand that strength and compassion belong together.
If we want a kinder and more respectful world, we must begin by teaching our boys that being a good man is not about being above others. It is about being responsible for how they treat others.
#TheHiddenSpiritualityOfMen #MatthewFox #HealthyMasculinity #EmotionalIntelligence #RespectWomen #Equality #ConsentMatters #PersonalGrowth #SelfReflection #BookReview #GoodreadsReview
What does it truly mean to be a man?
I collect books because I want to understand humanity, challenge the way we think, and learn how we can become better people. The Hidden Spirituality of Men by Matthew Fox, first published in 2008, explores a subject that remains important today: what does healthy masculinity look like, and how can men move beyond the expectations that society has placed upon them?
For generations, men have often been taught that masculinity means being dominant, unemotional, powerful, and always in control. Too frequently, society has confused strength with aggression, confidence with arrogance, and leadership with the right to control others. When these expectations become wrapped up in the male ego, they can create a distorted image of what it means to be a man.
But being a man should never mean believing you are superior to anyone else.
Fox explores ten metaphors and archetypes that offer alternative ways of understanding masculinity. He encourages men to look beyond restrictive stereotypes and explore their spirituality, creativity, emotional lives, relationships, and connection to the natural world. The book also considers the relationship between masculine and feminine qualities and the importance of bringing these seemingly opposing forces into balance.
This is an idea I believe deserves more attention.
I believe the strongest men are those who can balance traditionally masculine qualities, such as courage and determination, with qualities often labeled feminine, such as empathy, tenderness, emotional openness, and compassion. These qualities are not weaknesses, nor do they belong exclusively to one gender. They are human qualities, and we all benefit when we learn to develop them.
A man should be able to express sadness without feeling ashamed, admit when he is wrong without seeing it as defeat, listen without needing to dominate a conversation, and show affection without questioning his worth. True strength includes knowing when to stand firm and when to step back, when to speak and when to listen, and when to lead and when to learn from someone else.
Most importantly, men must learn to respect women as equals.
We need to teach our boys from an early age that women are not possessions, prizes, or people who exist to serve their needs. Women are individuals with their own voices, boundaries, ambitions, beliefs, and rights. A woman's body belongs to her. Her home and personal space deserve respect. Her consent matters. No man is entitled to a woman's attention, affection, time, or access to her simply because he wants it.
These lessons must be taught through actions as much as words. Boys need examples of men who demonstrate accountability, humility, kindness, and respect in their everyday lives. They need to see that apologizing is a sign of maturity, that listening is a form of strength, and that treating people well should never depend on what those people can offer in return.
We also need to stop excusing harmful behavior as simply how men are. Ego, entitlement, intimidation, and disrespect are not inevitable features of masculinity. They are behaviors that can be challenged, unlearned, and replaced with healthier ways of relating to others.
Although this book was published in 2008, its questions remain relevant. There are many self-help and personal-development books available today, but reading about growth is only the beginning. Real change happens when people are willing to look honestly at themselves, question the beliefs they have inherited, acknowledge the harm they may have caused, and take responsibility for becoming better.
My only caution is that Fox's spiritual and philosophical approach may not appeal to every reader. Some readers have found his writing repetitive or overly academic, so those looking for a straightforward, practical guide may find it a slower read. Nevertheless, the ideas explored here offer worthwhile opportunities for reflection.
My biggest takeaway
A real man does not need to make others feel small to feel powerful.
He understands that humility does not diminish him, empathy does not make him weak, and respecting women does not threaten his masculinity. He can be strong without being cruel, confident without being arrogant, and protective without being controlling.
We need men who understand that their legacy is not measured by how many people fear them, how much power they hold, or how loudly they demand respect. It is measured, in part, by how they treat people who cannot give them anything in return.
I believe we need to keep encouraging men to explore their inner lives, develop emotional intelligence, and embrace the full range of human qualities within themselves. We need fathers, brothers, partners, friends, teachers, and leaders who model respect and teach the next generation that healthy relationships are built on equality, trust, communication, and consent.
I picked up this book as part of my continuing effort to understand humanity. I believe we all have room to learn, grow, and reconsider what we have been taught.
The world does not need more inflated egos. It needs more emotionally mature people who understand that strength and compassion belong together.
If we want a kinder and more respectful world, we must begin by teaching our boys that being a good man is not about being above others. It is about being responsible for how they treat others.
#TheHiddenSpiritualityOfMen #MatthewFox #HealthyMasculinity #EmotionalIntelligence #RespectWomen #Equality #ConsentMatters #PersonalGrowth #SelfReflection #BookReview #GoodreadsReview
February 7, 2012
NOT for men only. Matthew Fox struck gold again with this wonderful look into the archetypes for male spirituality that has encouraged me toward a healthier balance of masculine/feminine in my own life and in my world view. I didn't agree with everything he described, but many aspects of the archetypes rang true and his perspective on masculinity brings hope for a true masculine spirit which has been so wounded by patriarchy.
May 22, 2019
A book to re-read for myself periodically. To remind myself of the challenges, the difficulties, the power and the humility in the search for myself.
I can highly recommend this book for giving a language to some of the hidden workings of the psyche - not just the male - and also putting forward some eye-opening and deeply poetic quotes. Some which have deeply resonated with me personally.
"There is no name for God which is God, or which tells the whole story."
I can highly recommend this book for giving a language to some of the hidden workings of the psyche - not just the male - and also putting forward some eye-opening and deeply poetic quotes. Some which have deeply resonated with me personally.
"There is no name for God which is God, or which tells the whole story."
March 17, 2025
Had this tome been half as long it might have been twice as good.
The ten "metaphors" of the title -- more properly Fox's take on Jungian archetypes--can't be sustained without a good deal of rhetorical padding, quote-mining, repetition, and generally ginning up arguments out of some thin spiritual and sociological ground.
I suspect that ten, being perceived as a "masculine" number (in contrast the the "feminine" 3 x 3=9) became Fox's target as he set down to write this book. Ironically, then, in a critique of the purported patriarchal need to dominate the feminine, he numerically dominates the feminine. The result is a bloated assemblage of related ideas that overlap but never quite coalesce. Too often, what might have been a valid insight into some aspect of western culture sinks under grab-bag of gratuitous references and out-of-context quotes by authors famous and otherwise. The short quotes degenerate into mere decoration, and the longer ones are too often too long. All fall into the same anodyne writing style. And lists, many lists, as if a weak argument is bolstered by a recitation of authors who said something kinda-sorta like that.
Though quoting broadly from world-wide spiritual traditions, Fox never gets past his own white, male, Roman Catholic perspective. Honor and shame are the underlying concern of the early chapters. (Raised as I was in the Protestant tradition, fixation on the honor-shame continuum seem rather quaint; humiliation is what keeps me up nights.) Later chapters, attempting to meld current discourses on matriarchy and patriarchy, are informative but hardly groundbreaking. Some "insights" are quite banal: Young people are not entering nursing due to a cultural shift toward healing professions, health care is where the jobs are.
As other reviewers have noted, the work at times feels like an academic exercise. Five pages worth of discussion are too often stretched to 20 or more -- likely in the service of that patriarchal task-master, ego.
The ten "metaphors" of the title -- more properly Fox's take on Jungian archetypes--can't be sustained without a good deal of rhetorical padding, quote-mining, repetition, and generally ginning up arguments out of some thin spiritual and sociological ground.
I suspect that ten, being perceived as a "masculine" number (in contrast the the "feminine" 3 x 3=9) became Fox's target as he set down to write this book. Ironically, then, in a critique of the purported patriarchal need to dominate the feminine, he numerically dominates the feminine. The result is a bloated assemblage of related ideas that overlap but never quite coalesce. Too often, what might have been a valid insight into some aspect of western culture sinks under grab-bag of gratuitous references and out-of-context quotes by authors famous and otherwise. The short quotes degenerate into mere decoration, and the longer ones are too often too long. All fall into the same anodyne writing style. And lists, many lists, as if a weak argument is bolstered by a recitation of authors who said something kinda-sorta like that.
Though quoting broadly from world-wide spiritual traditions, Fox never gets past his own white, male, Roman Catholic perspective. Honor and shame are the underlying concern of the early chapters. (Raised as I was in the Protestant tradition, fixation on the honor-shame continuum seem rather quaint; humiliation is what keeps me up nights.) Later chapters, attempting to meld current discourses on matriarchy and patriarchy, are informative but hardly groundbreaking. Some "insights" are quite banal: Young people are not entering nursing due to a cultural shift toward healing professions, health care is where the jobs are.
As other reviewers have noted, the work at times feels like an academic exercise. Five pages worth of discussion are too often stretched to 20 or more -- likely in the service of that patriarchal task-master, ego.
June 28, 2017
In einer Zeit, die von Genderdiskussionen und der Annahme geprägt ist, dass das Geschlecht komplett konstruiert sei, war ich schon länger auf der Suche nach einem Werk, das zumindest versucht dem Geschlecht eine Identität zu geben. In diesem Fall, dem männlichen Geschlecht. Denn wie auch immer man zu den Themen steht.. Eine Identität verleiht dem Ich eine gewisse Stabilität und ein Selbstbewusstsein. In Sachen Geschlecht und Mann, durchaus etwas, das ich vermisse.
Im Ergebnis des Buches bin ich etwas zwiegespalten, da Matthew Fox auf der einen Seite sehr viel relevantes zu dem Thema zu sagen hat, er aufgrund seines Hintergrunds aber zu spirituell und US-bezogen argumentiert. Das heißt im Kern sagt er viele richtige Dinge, die auch streckenweise sehr spannend zu lesen sind. Er verliert sich dann aber in einer Konstruktion, die all seine Erkenntnisse innerhalb des Westküsten-Buddhismus einordnet.
Als Leser, der außerhalb dieses Spektrums agiert, muss man sich seine Antworten entsprechend selbst suchen. Dabei hilft die Analyse, die streckenweise sehr trocken geschrieben ist, mehr aber auch nicht.
Was uns aus Deutschland heraus daran noch interessiert, ist, dass wir seit Jahren händeringend nach einer Erklärung für das Gebaren im Silicon Valley suchen. Eine Beschäftigung mit dem Westküsten-Buddhismus ist hierbei hilfreich. Fox ermöglicht einen gewissen Einblick und man kann auch erkennen, welche kulturellen Muster hier miteinander verschmelzen.
Im Ergebnis des Buches bin ich etwas zwiegespalten, da Matthew Fox auf der einen Seite sehr viel relevantes zu dem Thema zu sagen hat, er aufgrund seines Hintergrunds aber zu spirituell und US-bezogen argumentiert. Das heißt im Kern sagt er viele richtige Dinge, die auch streckenweise sehr spannend zu lesen sind. Er verliert sich dann aber in einer Konstruktion, die all seine Erkenntnisse innerhalb des Westküsten-Buddhismus einordnet.
Als Leser, der außerhalb dieses Spektrums agiert, muss man sich seine Antworten entsprechend selbst suchen. Dabei hilft die Analyse, die streckenweise sehr trocken geschrieben ist, mehr aber auch nicht.
Was uns aus Deutschland heraus daran noch interessiert, ist, dass wir seit Jahren händeringend nach einer Erklärung für das Gebaren im Silicon Valley suchen. Eine Beschäftigung mit dem Westküsten-Buddhismus ist hierbei hilfreich. Fox ermöglicht einen gewissen Einblick und man kann auch erkennen, welche kulturellen Muster hier miteinander verschmelzen.
May 27, 2026
On the one level yeah, could’ve probably used an editor and the other technical issues. On the other hand, it’s inconsequential to the ideas presented.
I thought this was a successful book if only because it brought out a topic I’d not seen before within masculinity studies and put together some interesting points with it. a lot of this is a spin on Jung’s archetypes, true, but it is interesting to see the perspective of a Christianity scholar on what is shared transculturally in these archetypes and their various forms.
If absolutely nothing else it provides an alternative framework for an egalitarian, purposeful male spirituality that’s not dogmatic and is affirming. Hats off to Fox for doing that, I don’t know of anyone who’s done anything much similar in the interceding 18 years.
I thought this was a successful book if only because it brought out a topic I’d not seen before within masculinity studies and put together some interesting points with it. a lot of this is a spin on Jung’s archetypes, true, but it is interesting to see the perspective of a Christianity scholar on what is shared transculturally in these archetypes and their various forms.
If absolutely nothing else it provides an alternative framework for an egalitarian, purposeful male spirituality that’s not dogmatic and is affirming. Hats off to Fox for doing that, I don’t know of anyone who’s done anything much similar in the interceding 18 years.
May 24, 2026
An interesting exploration and enunciation of masculine spirituality.
The metaphors / archetypes were apt and relevant to the purview of masculinity and the responsibility of men in the modern world.
I detected a slant towards the political Left aisle because the values invoked and defended in the book are predominantly characteristic of the Left with little acknowledgement of the values of the political Right. In my opinion, this is not wholly appropriate for this type of book as spirituality ought to transcend political ideologies and allegiances.
Overall though, it was an insightful and enjoyable read - I recommend it.
The metaphors / archetypes were apt and relevant to the purview of masculinity and the responsibility of men in the modern world.
I detected a slant towards the political Left aisle because the values invoked and defended in the book are predominantly characteristic of the Left with little acknowledgement of the values of the political Right. In my opinion, this is not wholly appropriate for this type of book as spirituality ought to transcend political ideologies and allegiances.
Overall though, it was an insightful and enjoyable read - I recommend it.
March 29, 2022
This book surprised me. I liked it more than I thought I would. It got to be a little repetitive and long winded at points. It needed a little more editing. While I may not agree with every word, Fox presented me with some new ways of thinking about various topics like sexuality, community, and creativity. I am thankful to come to understand his outlook on life, and I believe the world would be a better place if we thought like Fox.
October 16, 2026
Loved this. Picked it up at a bookstore in North Bennington, VT after an Animus Valley, nature-centered meditation camping retreat. This book made me whole. Made we want to strive. To be better. To be a real man, not the poser shit we're wired to see on social media. To be the higher version of myself, or perhaps more fitting, the way to reach the higher version of myself, already downstream, awaiting my arrival with open arms, eyes, heart, and soul. Tops my cool shit list of books read!
May 31, 2024
Another amazing book by the great Matthew Fox. He offers fresh and innovative insights and great wisdom to help us awaken are hearts to more compassion and prophetic action in our daily lives. I had many Aha! moments while reading this book. A great read for anyone living on Earth at this crazy time.
November 25, 2019
I like the ideas presented here. I think we need more books that connect men to our spirituality. This book reads like a term paper. It was hard to keep turning the pages. Great content, painfully boring delivery.
July 23, 2020
Good to read for insight into the masculine archtypes and for an understanding of men's spiritual issues.
March 20, 2023
The Hidden Spirituality of Men by Matthew Fox is a phenomenal exploration of metaphors to awaken and heal the masculine.
There are many beautiful morsels of wisdom within these pages. Some of my favorites discussed the differences between soldiers and warriors, delved into the intersection of spirituality and sexuality, shared accounts of the divine within each of us, touched on the healing power of breathwork, and explored the marriage of the divine feminine with the sacred masculine.
At the end, there are lists of practical ways to awaken and reflect on each metaphor/archetype. I love that.
Highly recommend.
There are many beautiful morsels of wisdom within these pages. Some of my favorites discussed the differences between soldiers and warriors, delved into the intersection of spirituality and sexuality, shared accounts of the divine within each of us, touched on the healing power of breathwork, and explored the marriage of the divine feminine with the sacred masculine.
At the end, there are lists of practical ways to awaken and reflect on each metaphor/archetype. I love that.
Highly recommend.
May 4, 2012
Matthew Fox has never written a book that I haven't liked - and this one is no exception. This is not a book to be read in a single sitting but rather a book that is best read a sentence or two at or a paragraph at a time. Taking time to reflect on what he has written.
November 14, 2014
I expected a lot from this book, but it was a nice expansion on the evolving idea of archetypes of the self and their shadow. This book is a fine companion to King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore.
Read
July 8, 2010I love Matthew Fox and thanks Mati as I have nto read this one yet.
August 8, 2010
Had to put this one down before finishing. Very far out there, and not compelling enough to keep reading.
December 20, 2012
Brilliant and comprehensive. It greatly expanded my understanding of and compassion for both men and women.
September 10, 2022
Not all interested me but parts of it are fascinating. Inspirational.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews