Permanent Partners: Building Gay & Lesbian Relationships That Last

by Betty Berzon

This gay marriage manual was originally published in 1988 and has sold well ever since. Dr. Berzon has updated it to reflect the current media focus on gay marriage and the legal issues surrounding it.

Genres: Relationships, Queer, Nonfiction, Psychology, Gay, LGBT, Family

368 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

Betty Berzon was an American author and psychotherapist known for her work with the gay and lesbian communities.

Berzon was among the first psychotherapists to assist gay and lesbian clients. After coming out as a lesbian in 1968, she began providing therapy to gays and lesbians, and in 1971, she organized the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Community Services Center as well as an organization of gays and lesbians within the American Psychiatric Association, which declassified homosexuality as a mental illness two years later.
-Wikipedia

Reviews

[Shoshanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book at understanding relationships!

[Elliefint · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. The whole first half or maybe first two thirds, I thought I would probably give it one or two stars. There was maybe some potentially useful information, but it was all mixed in with weird assumptions like "of course gay people wouldn't want to use the words husband and wife", and ignoring other members of the community, like, assuming if the reader is gay then of course all of their partners will be gay too, not without acknowledging bisexual people, or using the term "gender identity" to mean other things entirely, and stuff like that, and weird bits of misinformation about completely unrelated topics, like, alpha dogs aren't a thing but there was a whole anecdote about that. But then the bits toward the end were much better, they stopped doing that and had lots of really interesting and useful information about the history of marriage equality around the time when it was written, and different ways families might respond, and stuff like that. And then the last paragraph just made me feel really warm and good about things like strength and passion and metaphorical roses and that made me want to give it more. But I really don't think that makes up for the way that more than half of this book is, and the lack of acknowledgement and respect for the rest of our community, so I can't give it more than two.

[Gregory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of wisdom in here, but some aspects are a little out of date, including the fact that it was written before marriage equality became law. As the title makes clear, the book has a strong bias in favor of lifelong commitment and gives little consideration to when it may be time to call it quits in a relationship.

[Puppet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much more than a book about couples. As she says talking about gay relationships is pretty much the crux of being gay. A little dated in parts but the insights make it a keeper.

[Clay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very good book, which shows how we are geared to quit relationships so easily. It discusses some common pitfalls that gay and lesbian people have in relationships and how to combat them. It discusses how societal views, laws, and mainstream heterosexual gender roles work to eat away at our relationship compatibility. This was an interesting read with a lot of useful information. I would recommend it.

[Catrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are having trouble figuring out what you want in a relationship and from a partner, this book will help you! Don't read this when you are in an unhealthy relationship like I did, it will only make you feel worse! Wait until you get out of the unhealthy relationship and read it cover to cover before you even think about dating again.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Richard and I both read this book, and we both liked it. Fortunately, I no longer deal with a lot of those issues within it, but it was a fascinating read nonetheless, and I learned quite a bit from the author about myself and about how to better handle situations.

[Jessica Sideways · Rating 5 out of 5]

Betty's book touches on the importance of permanent partnerships as well as the practicals of many partnerships, such as money and dealing with our own personal histories and internalized homophobia.

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sure didn't work on that relationship! Haha