Can't Not Won't: A Story About A Child Who Couldn't Go To School

by Eliza Fricker, Sue Moon (Contributor), Tom Vodden (Contributor)

Eliza Fricker gets it. Her compelling, hard-hitting and irreverently humorous illustrations follow a family through the early days of school avoidance, the process of accessing support and the challenges of coping in the meantime. Can't Not Won't illuminates the absurdity and frustrations that often arise when dealing with health, social and educational systems, and will help any parent in the same boat feel seen. This guide acts as a way to communicate these difficult circumstances with others.
Wonderfully relatable, the book also includes written guidance for parents and professionals on what works best when it comes to managing school avoidance.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Parenting, Education, Psychology

160 pages, Paperback

Published February 21, 2023

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can't Not Won't is a book about a family's experience of when their child struggles to attend school. It is told through cartoon drawings. It's easily accessible and very relatable. At the end are two written sections by professionals explaining why for some children, school is just too difficult.

I will declare an interest in this topic. My 14 year old daughter is currently out of school. We have struggled since primary school. We moved her to a special needs school in year 9, but that placement even fell apart. We are now looking for an even smaller, more bespoke placement. So I could relate to the author's journey. The way the story is told is simplistic, easy to understand, however that doesn't lessen the impact of the message. It's a story that needs to be told. Society's image of a family when a child "refuses" to attend school is that of the feckless mother and absent father. But this couldn't be further from the truth. And yet the shame and fear that the families go through is cruel. The stress isn't just on the poor child but the whole family. I could go on. It's a topic that I feel deeply about. So if you find yourself in this strange hell where your child just doesn't seem able to attend school, please read this book. If you find yourself working for an educational establishment and there are children who struggle to get through the gates in the morning, please, please read this book so that you can empathise with the families who are really trying their best. Thank you Eliza for telling this story.

[Loraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel less lonely and validated the whirlwind of feelings I have as a parent of two neurodivergent boys. School term time is very stressful and very few understand just how draining it all is.

[Sarah Boon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can’t Not Won’t communicates in an accessible way how we need to look beyond school attendance when it comes to children’s well-being. I was forced to attend as a child when it wasn’t in my best interest and I’m still paying the consequences for that to this day. This book rightly challenges the narrative that school is always best.

I would recommend getting a physical copy, I read the ebook and found the format did not lend itself as well on my e-reader.

[Anniken Gulbrandsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish every person that works with children could read this book!

This was exactly the read I needed right now, and I cried myself through the pages, as I felt so seen and it was all so painfully relatable.
Thank you for sharing this in story in such an easy to grasp way, and letting the rest of us feel less alone.

I would give it a hundred stars if I could!

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

An invaluable book as a parent of an autistic child and an SEN teacher. I am looking forward to sharing this book with colleagues.

[Grethe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perfekt läsning för dig som bor med en hemmakämpare, och ännu mer för dig som känner någon som gör det.
Det är omöjligt att verkligen fatta vad det gör med en familj att ha det så här, men detta är i alla fall en inblick.
Och nej, det är inte bättre i Sverige.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative and real

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished this book, which might be
quite good for people who have autism
in the families and kids still at school.
can relate to it alot with school and not
going and people thinking I didn't want
too when I just physically couldn't
through anxiety.

[Christi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great one. Highly recommend for those both fighting to make school possible/better for their kids, and those who want to understand that better.

[An · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heel hard bij moeten huilen van herkenning. De wanhoop...
Het is het systeem dat niet past voor mijn kind en niet omgekeerd.

[Laurel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant. Accurate. Important.

[Freya Mortimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Should be compulsory reading for teachers

[Catriona Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cant Not Won’t is a powerful and deeply personal account of a family's journey through the education system with their child who struggles with emotionally based school avoidance.

As an autistic parent of autistic children with similar challenges, this book had all the relatable feels. I cried, nodded my head in agreement, and at points even laughed.

The author's storytelling is raw and honest, which immediately drew me in. I could feel her pain, the guilt, and frustration as she navigated the complexities of the education, health and social care system. The shame and judgment from professionals that she describes resonated deeply with me. A stark reminder of the urgency and need for greater understanding and support for families like hers and ours.

What sets this book apart is its simplicity. The "comic book" style with minimal words and illustrations makes it accessible and easy to read. I devoured the first part in one sitting.

In addition to the personal account, the book provides valuable guidance for parents and professionals. It emphasizes the importance of understanding autism and creating a safe and respectful environment for autistic children making it a must-read for parents, professionals, and anyone seeking a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by families navigating the system.

[Gem Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can’t Not Won’t was an emotional read for me. As an autistic woman with an autistic son, I navigated the mainstream school system with my son a few years ago – and the memories of the experience are never far away or pleasant to revisit. We have now found a schooling approach that fits us, and it is not in a traditional classroom.

This was relatable and heartbreaking at times. It touches on a growing issue that some are willing to ignore, but a lot of people are facing on a daily basis in a painful way. Thank you to Eliza Fricker for capturing it in this way, with illustrations and, at times, with humour. It made it easy to navigate, even though the subject matter is tough.

A must-read for any parent who has a child who can’t attend school – who struggles to go, who suffers emotionally from their attendance. Particularly relevant for those parenting autistic children and for teachers who would like more insight into what this issue is like on the inside for so many families.

[Kayleigh Panton · Rating 5 out of 5]

What can I say other than thank you for making me feel seen, not alone and I’m sorry that the system is so broken?

Eliza tells the story of her daughter who CANT attend school and the trials of parenting and trying to access the right education and support for her whilst juggling the many processes and strategies she is funnelled into by our outdated school system.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the amount of illustrations in this book make it lighthearted, quite the opposite. It’s SO emotional and really hit home for us (my partner has also read this one and recommended it was my next read).

Although our daughter is still in school, Can’t Not Won’t illustrates how not being fine is school is a real possibility in the future for her. At only age 6 we can already relate to so much in this book - from being turned away from education settings, judgement from others, the GUILT, the constant referrals and appointments and courses. I could go on.

I wish more professionals would read this, maybe it would spark a change in thinking. Superb book

[Sarah Krajewski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eliza Fricker, the author and illustrator, is the mother to a child with autism who CAN’T go to school. At first, Eliza struggles to get her daughter to go to school, and when she can’t, she feels an immense amount of guilt. That, somehow, this all must be her fault and she’s going to get in trouble. Time after time, school after school, she struggles to find a place with staff that can teach her daughter. That will listen to her. But the more she learns, the more Eliza realizes that it’s the education system that’s the problem. Most schools can’t provide the support her daughter needs.

An informative graphic novel that explains so much about what education is missing. There are so many children that can’t (not won’t) go to school. Public education needs to do more for them, for they (and often their parents) are not seen or heard. Though this family lives in England, this is a problem in the United States as well.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have wanted to read this for a while and I really valued the Ernest and heartfelt picture of what living with a neurodivergent child is like. It is exhausting and you do spend so much of your life feeling like you fail and that you fight one fight after another to no avail. I found the font size challenging but that is a minor thing but wished there was more about what changed for Lexy and her family. I felt I got to know their angst but not their triumph. The chapter by Sue Moon at the end has great evidence-based information to build capacity and I really appreciate that

[Amy Mabin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Validating for those experiencing it. However, from a 20 year educational professional, no suggestions on how the schools could have helped were provoded. It felt like a memior of experiences filled with complaining about the system. I have a student going through this and my heart aches. I was hoping I might get some ideas to support. Unfortunately, finishing this book just felt like I left a gripe session.

[Kerry Setterfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

So much of this book resonated with me having lived experience of children that couldn't go to school. The written sections by Sue Moon and Tom Vodden are brilliantly insightful. This book should be recommended reading for those writing school attendance policies and strategies up and down the country.

[Helen Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent mix of illustrations of the daily experience being a parent of an autistic child in a system which is broken and does not allow for individual needs to be easily considered in the context of traditional schooling. The book also has chapters written by experts in the sector to give an evidence base and information on the issues raised in the semi- autobiographical writing.

[Fernanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book, and a quick read. Resonated with a lot of it, and got me thinking about my own mom's struggles. Painfully relatable at times.

Just wish this wasn't so short, as I as very interested in hearing more about the Eliza's thoughts, especially on how much I resonated to the endless complexities while navigating healthcare and education.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel so seen.
My daughter feels so seen.
Education doesn't have to be in school. I made the decision to home ed my daughter this Monday just gone, because of so many reasons Eliza and her daughter went through. This past week I've seen a much more happy and truest self with less masking and explosive emotions.
Thank you for this brilliant book. Everyone needs to read this autistic or not.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ouch, my heart ❤️ I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen by a book. This one takes an unfamiliar like experience: having a neurodivergent child who can’t attend school; and paints it in all of its bleakness and isolation, for the child and the parents. It was such a perfect depiction of the feelings of failure and hopelessness, it hurt my soul. Amazing and wonderful all at once.

[Natalie Cichy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cried my way through this raw, real and acutely accurate portrayal of a very familiar experience. Eliza Fricker manages to say more than anyone ever has, and relate better than anyone ever could, all while using so few words. Appreciate this validation and its assistance in making me feel a little less alone on this wild ride of parenting autistic PDA kids.

[Deb Chapman · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Breath of fresh air, wish it had been around when I was struggling. While the little illustrations and stories were sadly well documented for how bad things were, I actually liked the section written by a speech and language therapist at the end: very insightful, and more problem solving focussed for me. Great addition to a small field, and talking about shame parents feel very useful

[Reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

It validates what many parents feel struggling with countless systems and demonstrates the dehumanisation of both the child and parents within this journey. I highly recommend this book to people who work within the development sectors who have not experienced these frustrations first hand.

[KERRY MARIE WOODARD · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you

I have been meaning to read this for the past six months and finally have got round to it. It is wonderfully written and is exactly what I needed to read right now. Thank you Eliza, now I just need to spread the word 🙏

[Cassy · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I can say is wow what an amazing book. As someone who is classed a 'school refuser' this book really resonates with me and I reccomened it to all autistic adolescent and all autistic adults and anyone else who is in this situation x

[Carrie Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I picked this up I was surprised to see that it was in graphic novel format, which isn't usually what I would read. But I thought that Fricker told her story beautifully through that format. I really enjoyed the short sections at the end by other authors, especially the chapter by Sue Moon.

[Liza · Rating 5 out of 5]

The way autistic children and neurodivergent children are treated in school is abusive. This book highlights the consequences of that for the child, should be required reading for every teaching "professional".