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Phineas Poe #1

Kiss Me, Judas

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Have you ever loved someone who’s mortally wounded you? Phineas Poe, disgraced cop and morphine addict, has just been released from a psych ward when he meets a beautiful woman named Jude in a hotel bar. Red dress, black hair, body like a knife. He takes her back to his room and wakes up the next morning in a bathtub full of blood and ice, missing a kidney. Falling for her is the start of a twisted love story that takes him from the snowy streets of Denver to the high plains of Texas, where the boundaries between torturer and victim, killer and accomplice, become nightmarishly in Mississippi in 1966. Old Southern family. Lived in Montreal and Italy as a child. Spent high school years in Memphis, Tennessee. Attended college in New Orleans, Louisiana (Tulane). Dropped out. Finished B.A. at Memphis State. Received MFA 1995 from Jack Kerouac School at Naropa Institute in Boulder, Colorado. California since 1996, Bay Area, L.A., now Santa Barbara. Worked as homeless counselor, taxi driver, bartender, video store geek, college professor (Evergreen State, Olympia, Washington), screenwriter, and journalist. Short stories published in numerous places, notably Nerve and Bomb. Married, one child by previous marriage. One brother. Parents still living in North Carolina.

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1998

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About the author

Will Christopher Baer

10 books332 followers
Will Christopher Baer is an American author of noir fiction, often delving into sex, violence, mystery and erotica. Currently published works include Kiss Me, Judas, Penny Dreadful and Hell's Half Acre, all of which have since been published in the single volume Phineas Poe. His long-awaited fourth novel, Godspeed, was originally set to be published in 2006, but saw several delays before publisher MacAdam/Cage finally announced a release date of July 2009. The novel has since been delayed indefinitely. He shares a fan base with fellow authors Craig Clevenger and Stephen Graham Jones.

Born in Mississippi in 1966. As a child, he lived in Montreal and Italy. He attended highschool in Memphis, TN and moved on to attend Tulane University in New Orleans, LA but he soon dropped out. However, he received a B.A. at Memphis State. He then headed west in 1990 and lived in Portland & Eugene Oregon for several years. He received an MFA in 1995 from Jack Kerouac School at Naropa Institute in Boulder, CO. He has lived in California since 1996, primarily in the Bay Area and L.A.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 305 reviews
Profile Image for Gregor Xane.
Author 19 books341 followers
February 21, 2015
The jumping off point for this novel isn't particularly original. It's something that seems like (or may even be) an urban legend. The main character goes back to his hotel room with a prostitute he's met at a bar and the next morning wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with one less kidney to his name.

But I've long been a sucker for this oft-told tale and all of its variations, so I must admit this was a large part of why I picked this thing up.

Even still, I was a bit apprehensive. This is advertised as kind of a literary noir type of read and I fully expected our hero with the missing kidney to delve into a hellish underworld to track down the organ thieves and exact a most terrible revenge. But only after much suffering, of course, and double-crosses, and horrifying revelations.

But, man, was I happy to find that this is NOT what I got. This book, this story, turned out to be something altogether different.

This thing is really good.

And I'm not going to tell you any more about it.

I'll just leave you with this list of things that may turn off potential readers:

1) It's told in first person, present tense by an unreliable narrator.
2) There are no heroes or anti-heroes in this book.
3) There are no quotation marks to be found in any of the dialogue.
4) Nearly every character is reprehensible and/or commits reprehensible acts.

This is crime/noir at its darkest.

You've been warned.
Profile Image for Alex .
236 reviews35 followers
November 18, 2013

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Well, this was different!

Kiss Me, Judas, classified as "noir", gave me the creeps the impression I was watching Sin City .
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This book made little sense, but managed to keep me entertained. I won't talk about the story. You have the blurb for that. Instead, I'll just list some of my likes and dislikes.

Likes

The writing : Phineas Poe's 1st person narration is funny, graphic and crazy, because most of the story he is drugged out of his mind and hallucinates, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between his reality and the images his jaded brain is feeding him.

The concept of the story : **what I'm about to say is not a spoiler, you have it in the blurb** I mean, come on! Picking up a hooker at a bar, going upstairs with her, having wild sex, and then waking up the next morning missing a kidney?
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Who wouldn't want to hear more about that?

Phineas Poe : one of the most original characters I've read in a while. Why? Because if a girl was jonesing for your kidney and was like
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you would expect this guy to be like
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and
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when he finds her, but nooooooooo. When he finds her, they're all like
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Which brings me to my dislikes

The sex : not detailed enough.

Dat ending!! WTF? Good thing there are 2 more installments, which I will read as soon as I clear my head a little. It's not easy living Phineas' reality for 2 long days.

All in all, this was a great suspense/thriller. However, Phineas' thoughts are all over the place. This may be unnerving for someone with little patience, someone like you, Your Highness. :D I'm not sure you'd like it.

4 stars
Profile Image for Steven Godin.
2,782 reviews3,390 followers
February 25, 2025

Meet Phineas Poe. Dirty cop. Drug dealer. He likes to stir crystal meth into his coffee instead of sugar, has female prisoners piss on him, and shoots at Imaginary People. Then he loses his wife to cancer, loses the plot - as if he didn't lose it already, and winds up in the nuthouse. Upon his release enter Jude, a deadly femme fatale and former Special Forces soldier who has Poe falling for her like a moth to a flame. He's hooked on benzodiazepines, is minus a kidney, hallucinating constantly about his dead wife - suicide?, murder?, was he involved? - has a hunger for sex and violence, and can't even trust himself let alone anybody else. What starts as a simple organ theft then throws us headlong into a world of subterfuge, cartel smuggling, fetish joints, seedy motels, underground dog fighting, and some of the creepiest and eclectic characters I've come across in ages. We get given motives in regards to Poe's stolen kidney, but just who is to be believed? Doesn't help when dreams start to blur with reality and bodies turn up in car trunks and bathrooms. With a terse first person prose that was giving me Sin City vibes, this dark and twisted modern noir was utterly captivating. It absofuckinglutely cuts like a knife. No doubt disturbing in places and not for the faint of heart, but then out of nowhere - BAM! - we get something bizarre happen, or one of Poe's great lines, that was almost laugh out loud funny. The downside could be that not all questions are answered by the end. But hey, this isn't that novel, nor is it supposed to be. I loved it!
Profile Image for Jake.
345 reviews29 followers
March 20, 2010
Let me preface this by saying that I liked Baer's writing quite a bit here. What I didn't like was the...book.

Phrases like 'furious silence' pepper the pages and are more than enough to keep me reading when when I stopped giving a shit about the plot a third of the way in. See, the story is told in the first person, and that person may or may not be crazy. Combine that with the fact that every other character seems to have a hidden agenda (or maybe doesn't). So the reader is never QUITE sure what is going on, what's real, what's imagined and who's lying about what. It's an irritating fever dream mindfuck. At some point, you HAVE to tell the truth and throw me some clarity.

All that said, I DID finish it, which is more than I can say for 80% of the other random fiction I pick up. Like I said, there's something about Baer's writing that draws me in. It would be interesting to see him write about a sane protagonist.

This is actually more like a 2.5 stars review. I liked it, but I didn't like it.

One more note:
Can we just declare it ok to start using quotation marks again when a character speaks? It was sorta cute and unique ten years ago, but the lack of quotes ain't making you special any more.
Profile Image for Kathryn.
793 reviews19 followers
May 7, 2011
So I finished this book days ago and certain scenes have begun to fade. I really should stick to writing reviews the day after I finish a book. I try to include at least one night's sleep between finishing and reviewing but this has been an overly hectic week all around.

So, like I said, a certain amount of fading has happened yet how I felt while reading is still pretty strong and I really have only good things to say in that area. The first chapter sucked me in, aroused my interest. The idea of waking up in a bathtub of ice after having a kideny stolen is one of those scenarios that have always interested me, whether or not it is just an urban myth or has in fact happened to people. I would not be surprised either way. Organ thieves are just cool. I probably sound like a total nutt job but this is fiction, not real life, so I tend to gravitate towards disturbed stories.

Above all else, and why I loved this book so much, is that Baer managed to include some of my favorite story traits which I am currently very keen to explore. First, he includes an unreliable narrator. As a reader, I love being unsure as to what exactly is happening, whether or not what I just read was in the character's head. It takes personal perspective and twists it further than is normal. Throw in some seriously depressing memories, maybe a personality disorder, and some drug use and you have what I consider excellent potential, something that is likely to keep me on my toes.

Second, throw in a love story. But this is not storybook romance. This is bloody noir love, love that only the people involved in the relationship seem to comprehend. To the rest of the world, it just looks like some messed up alternate love universe. I did not think of this until right now but Kiss Me, Judas highly resembles Tarantino's film True Romance. I'm ok with that, since I was not thinking of it while reading. If I had, then I'd be slightly annoyed but the book is unique.

I must point out that my noir experience is lacking. I love the settings and characters for the most part but I have found certain author voices to be bland. Not in this case. I loved reading Baer. His writing was smooth and at times surreal, turning into depressing and violent prose. He is an author who pairs words oddly but beautifully and I am a fan of his minimalist style.

There were some deeply disturning scenes, a plus in my opinion as I hate being bored. I was surprised, lots of little shocks here and there. The first half was also quite funny at times, in a dark humor kind of way.

My initital rating was 5 stars but I've lowered it slightly due to the ending. The entire book was rather along the lines of POW and the ending was more of a mini 'pow'. Everything peetered but I have high hopes for book 2.
Profile Image for Kellie.
39 reviews19 followers
August 11, 2014
HUH???

What did I just read? I'm so confused. I had high hopes. The plot sounded so interesting. I was hoping for a strange, dark, twisted kind of story à la Chuck Palahniuk. This was strange, all right, but it was also bad.

I strongly disliked the writing style of this book. How do you make such short sentences sound so rambling? No descriptions, no quotation marks. I felt utterly lost. Throughout the entire book, I had no idea what was real and what wasn't real. And, yeah, I get it. I wasn't supposed to. The main character was recently released from a psych ward and there were drugs involved so a certain amount of craziness was expected. I like a little craziness. That's why I picked up this book. But I did not like this. I couldn't get into it. It was one psychotic rambling after the next and it wound up nowhere.

I fully expected to really enjoy this book. And I was fully surprised that I just didn't.
Profile Image for Brandon.
1,009 reviews250 followers
November 17, 2010
Plot: Have you ever loved someone who's mortally wounded you? Phineas Poe, disgraced cop and morphine addict, has just been released from a psych ward when he meets a beautiful woman named Jude in a hotel bar. Red dress, black hair, body like a knife. He takes her back to his room and wakes the next morning in a bathtub full of blood and ice, missing a kidney. Dragging himself from a hospital bed, Phineas discovers he wants to be with Jude like a hunger and he wants to find her and kill her. Falling for her is the start of a twisted love story that takes him from the snowy streets of Denver to the high plains of Texas where the boundaries between torturer and victim, killer and accomplice, become nightmarishly distorted.

Thoughts: Recommended to me both by fellow staff member, Matty as well as the good folks over at The Cult, I had high hopes for the first of Baer's "Poe" trilogy. Written in the style of a good Quentin Tarintino film, Baer jumps around from past to present so fluidly that it forces you to constantly pay attention. His knack for tying the events that shaped the current state of the books protagonist, Phineaus Poe, to his current mindset is impeccable. You really believed that he was slowly unraveling at the seams. Of course, as in a Tarintino film, the dialogue and the violence are all very stylistic - leads to excellent and addictive narration.

Baer's female lead, the reason for Poe's current situation, Jude, is one of the stronger female leads I've had the pleasure of reading. His descriptions of her really play into why Poe is head over heels for this woman - despite her actions. The majority of the supporting characters are integral to the books progression; you really get the feeling that Baer eliminated any and all filler. The novel is tightly structured and you never get the impression that Baer is out to create an epic for the sake of creating an epic.

I'm very excited for the second and third books in the trilogy - be sure to check back over the summer for subsequent reviews as they've been added them to my summer stack of reading.
Profile Image for Colin Miller.
Author 2 books35 followers
March 1, 2010
Four stars.

Omnibus review:

Will Christopher Baer is a more respectable version of Chuck Palahniuk. They’re very similar—both are dark, first-person storytellers with a predilection for the twisted underworld of sex and violence—but I’d place Baer more on the side of dark storyteller and Palahniuk on the side of shock writer. Plus Palahniuk bled one narrator into (many, but for sure his initial) four novels; Baer just accepted his love for that voice and made a trilogy.

The Phineas Poe trilogy—Kiss Me, Judas; Penny Dreadful; and Hell’s Half Acre—is narrated by the disgraced ex-cop turned ex-junkie of the same name. In Kiss Me, Judas, Poe wakes up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney. He spends the rest of the novel chasing the hooker, Jude, who stole it from him, bumping into other characters—some friends, some enemies—and inadvertently dragging them into this mess, if they weren’t involved already. Though the novel is a dark neo-noir, it is also sophomoric. Usually adding the term sophomoric to any review (since authors are supposed to be the deft and mature minds of the world) is a slight, but it works in Kiss Me, Judas. Hell’s Half Acre sheds a bit of the noir skin, but ends the series strong as Poe and the other surviving characters participate in the making of a snuff film in which no one knows who is going to be the one to die.

The problem is Penny Dreadful. Most fans of the series are split on this middle book. You either think it’s the best or the worst of the three. Unlike Kiss Me, Judas and Hell’s Half Acre, Penny Dreadful jumps through several character’s viewpoints, most of which end up sounding far too similar. Phineas Poe unknowingly enters into “the game of tongues”—a subcultural game turned deadly when one of the role players begins killing people instead of simply biting their tongue to claim victory. The problem? It’s incredibly dorky. We’re talking LARPing (Live Action Role Playing) dorky.

Where Kiss Me, Judas and Hell’s Half Acre are four- and 3.5-star reads respectively, Penny Dreadful is a two star shoulder shrug of what it should have been—a mild side note to a much longer novel or a different novel that didn’t involve Phineas Poe. The events that take place in Penny Dreadful seem more set apart, disconnected from the bookend novels. The minor Kiss Me, Judas characters could have been involved, made it a fun side-by-side comparison of the universe Will Christopher Baer has created, but the force of the love/hate relationship between Jude and Phineas Poe is diluted by what should have been a small plotline. Though the trilogy is graphic in violence and sexual abuse (including gang rape), Baer also displays scenes of incredible tenderness in this twisted mess, perhaps more tender because of coldness of the surrounding text. Flashback scenes to Poe’s terminally diseased wife are some of the trilogy’s finest. Despite the flaws of Penny Dreadful and what can be viewed as too many loose ends come the end of Hell’s Half Acre, Baer has crafted a sleek, quick-read trilogy for fans of the darker side of fiction. Three stars.
Profile Image for Annie.
31 reviews17 followers
June 30, 2009
Kiss Me Judas had me constantly feeling as though I'd stepped off a mental Tilt-A-Whirl. While it's never confusing, it's often confounding and Baer gives the reader just enough information to keep up with the wild pace. Kiss Me Judas is dark, gritty, endearing, and confusing -- it is the essence of neo-noir.

The novel starts with a cliched urban legend -- the protagonist, Phineas Poe, wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with his kidney missing and revenge on his mind. He falls in love with the woman who stole his kidney, becomes a drug addict, and travels across the country in search of his missing organ. The story has enough twists and turns to keep the reader on their toes, but doesn't lack in the character department. By the end of the book, I found myself rooting for Phineas and his friends as well as other characters I started off hating. Baer has produced a stellar novel.
Profile Image for Mark.
Author 1 book16 followers
September 14, 2009
This one is (as most anyone who's read it seems to concur) "hard to describe." I'd probably propose a new genre for it: "oneiric noir." The moody, poetic writing prose and the frequent breakdown of borders between the real and the dreamed/hallucinated on the part of the feckless narrator are the highlights of a narrative that is not always clear but is always compelling. It's a hard novel to put down, and while the plot is nothing new (pretty standard noir tropes crossed with one of the most memorable of urban legends--the stolen kidney story) the delivery is often stunning. I know Phineas Poe has further adventures, but KISS ME JUDAS was so good and so original I'm not sure I want to read more. If you liked Crumley's THE LAST GOOD KISS and want to sign up for a similar quixotic quest, but with more drugs, sex, and depravity, this is the book for you.
Profile Image for Richard Thomas.
Author 102 books706 followers
July 12, 2017
If you want to know what neo-noir is, this is the book to do it. Baer is not only an idol of mine, but an inspiration. This is what got it started. Dark, rich, sexy, powerful, captivating, and visceral.
Profile Image for Daniel C.
154 reviews23 followers
February 28, 2012
Kiss Me, Judas. A story about a man whose kidney is stolen by a prostitute. Can that urban legend be anything but the stale center of an overtired premise? Apparantly, it CAN be something more.

Will Christopher Baer's writing is edgy, visceral, and almost nauseating in its effectiveness. Nauseating in the same way that leaping off a cliff can be nauseating. Phineas Poe, the central character of the novel, starts the novel kidney-less and on the verge of death, and for the rest of the story he eats very little, sleeps only when he is knocked out, and takes a whole boquet of random and usually nameless drugs that leave him teetering on the knife-edge between antsy bliss and crippling withdrawl. Baer's prose more than once left me feeling deep sympathy pains for the protagonist, and everytime I closed the book, I felt distinctly disoriented. It would be difficult to find someone not drawn head-first into this well-crafted world of present tense paranoias and pains.

There is not much to be found in the way of relief, however, and even the conclusion of the novel -- a powerful, poignant, and almost penultimate moment of touching sweetness and deep spiritual candor -- seems to end before it can really provide the kind of blessed closure the book seems to ache for.

Because, Phineas is not just suffering in a body that has been cut and battered and poisoned, but he is also aching under the strain of a heavy and shattered heart that thinks it may, once again, be in love -- this time with the woman who cut out his kidney.

As implausible as that seems in a summary, the book manages to navigate with well-honed instincts around the more treacherous areas of that premise into a deep, calm bay of believability. I wouldn't love the woman (Jude is her name, a somewhat overt Biblical reference with more symbolism attached than it first suggests), but I can certainly see with unquestionable clarity why Poe loves her, and as a result, I don't doubt much of what he does or why he does it, even if I shake my head when I read about it.

However, the book certainly gives you a lot to doubt. The story is plagued by liars and deceivers, and the final resting place of Poe's kidney is never clarified. Most of the elements of the tale are given some kind of resolution, but Baer teasingly suggests that every one of those resolutions could very well be false. In the end -- and this is a definite certainty -- very very very little about the novel's events can be understood with any certainty. Who is lying? Who isn't? What are anybody's true motives and goals? Baer seems to suggest some plausible explanations for all of these things, but in the same moment, with a wink and a dark smirk, he also lets you know that those explanations aren't necessarily valid.

Or important.

Because, in the end, whether or not any of the characters has told the truth, whether or not Jude really shares Poe's love or is simply using him, well, these things are all beside the point, because what the novel is about is Poe's shattered soul, and what it takes to repair it, to redeem it, to save it outside of the dark, twisted realm of lies and pain in which it is so deeply immersed.

In fact, the only reason I didn't give this novel five stars was because, ultimately, its more philosophical and spiritual and emotional points seem at odds with its dark Gothic dressing and its unrelenting ocean of anguish and confusion. Baer, it seems, has two different tales here, and although he has married them well, they still don't go together seamlessly. There are fits and starts to the emotional arc.

And while it is obvious that Baer is suggesting that not all of the questions need solid answers, he still sets you up to expect them, and their absence leaves a sort of aching void. But perhaps that's the point. The book is one big aching void, and its lack of sympathy for both its central character and the reader seems to belie a deeper intent: one that is, at its heart, purely speculative, purely emotional, purely mental. It's a bumpy ride with a sudden stop, but the landscape -- both external and internal -- is breath-taking, and not always in a pleasant and relaxing way. Like Poe, you have to search sometimes to reclaim the breath that was stolen from you.

And in the meantime, you're aching for air.
Profile Image for Kat.
27 reviews26 followers
January 29, 2013
Phineas Poe is an ex-cop, just released from a psychiatric ward after a six month stay for a nervous break down. His job is gone, his wife is dead, and Poe really doesn���t have much to live for. Enter, Jude. This beautiful woman in red sits down next to Poe and the two begin to converse. Poe is easily seduced by Jude ��� especially after she drugs his drink. Poe remembers nothing after taking her back to his hotel room. He wakes up smack dab in the middle of an urban legend. Shivering in a cold bathtub filled with melting ice and watered-down blood, Poe���s kidney is missing. Jude has made off with his organ, and neatly stapled him back together. She left him a note: ���If you want to live, call 911���.



Furious with himself and with being betrayed by Jude, Poe skips medical treatment and heads out to find Jude to get his kidney back. It���s a matter of principle at this point. Being an ex-cop, Poe realizes his kidney may be heading toward the black market. He hits up his former informants for any information about Jude or his kidney, knowing that time is of the essence. With no serious leads, Poe is only getting angrier. Crumb, a ���friend��� of Poe���s who performs cheap abortions and sutures gunshot wounds thanks to his medical texts and not a medical degree, assists Poe as much as he can. Unfortunately, the only real thing he can do for Poe is give him Morphine for the pain, and the only real thing he can tell Poe is that his kidney has been replaced (maybe) with a baggie of heroin. Oh, and if it leaks, he dies.



Poe exercises every contact and every method he can to track down Jude, continuously finding himself in near-miss crossings. Jude wants Poe to find her, and she can���t explain why. Poe wants to kill Jude, and he certainly can explain why. The two dance around each other in a series of short phone calls and messages until they finally end up on the same side of the playing field, running from the��� who knows. Jude is quite cryptic as to what they are running from, but all Poe knows is everyone they meet somehow ends up brutally murdered.



Somewhere along the line, the anti-couple realizes they are falling in love, but whether or not they will live to explore these feelings is rather up in the air.



Favorite Passages/Quotes



"Sorrow is like the ocean and sometimes I wish my heart would stop."



"Every time I close my eyes I'm dreaming"



"He has the expression of someone who wishes the rain would stop."



"Sometimes there is nothing as horrible as a familiar face"



"And my life went to pieces, like a love letter in the rain."



Opinion



Baer���s first novel in a series of three was executed very well. Understanding that Poe is recovering from a nervous breakdown through out this book is key to following his logic and thoughts in the narration. There are beautifully tragic passages by Poe that really take the readers breath away. While this novel lagged in places and felt like it went in circles at times, it was still enough to keep reading. The cat and mouse game between Jude and Poe got somewhat annoying after awhile, but I guess one can say is was a plot necessity. Character wise, Baer has quite the colorful cast. He creates detailed imagery, making sure the reader knows exactly who each person is. The lovely detail and dark descriptions bring his characters to life��� often times right before they die.



I enjoyed this book, but recall being slightly upset with it as well. I was turned on to Baer by fellow Palahniuk fans, and perhaps it was only because I was so used to the polished dark literature of Palahniuk that I held Baer to such a high standard. I will cut him some slack, realizing this is his first novel in the Phineas Poe series, and will certainly read the other two novels (Penny Dreadful, Hell���s Half Acre) with a more open mind.



Rating: On a scale of 1-5 stars, this book is a 4. Its writing is poetic, but not out of context, and the detail put into characters is great. I���d recommend this to anyone who enjoys neo-noir literature, suspense novels, or Chuck Palahniuk.
Profile Image for Heath Lowrance.
Author 26 books100 followers
May 10, 2012
The premise sounds hackneyed and unlikely: messed-up ex-cop meets a woman in a bar, gets drunk, fools around, and wakes up in an ice-filled bathtub, missing his kidney. The stuff of urban legend. But Baer takes this absurd idea and turns it into a hallucinatory, melancholy, gorgeously written novel. The protagonist, Poe, skates along the very edges of sanity in his search for the woman-- who he's a little in love (or at least lust) with-- and his journey brings him into contact with an assortment of bizarre characters living just outside the radar of normality.
Profile Image for Wesley.
19 reviews
February 8, 2009
This is the novel you would get from a savage mixture of broken heart, Bladerunner, Dashiell Hammett and things that live in dark alleys...
Profile Image for Abdulmajeed Al-Qutaiti.
55 reviews13 followers
February 7, 2017
Dark, gloomy, kinky.

Baer is excellent at drawing captivating atmospheres with short, descriptive sentences. The imagery of places that Baer draws with short, concise sentences are so immersive. The suicidal thoughts, the cancer patient, the grey snow of a dark winter are all so alluring. There are a few times, though, where he shoots & misses.

The story itself is entertaining & keeps you guessing up to the last paragraph.

What I really disliked is the main character, Phineas Poe. He is a submissive, physically sick, & has a sickeningly weak personality that allows other to lead him & allows him to submits so easily to his own desires. So much for willpower. If you are a looking for a strong male lead, then this is not for you at ALL.

However, the main female character is quite strong. As a matter of fact, most of the female characters in the book are stronger than the males, not only mentally, but physically, too, so much that it left me wondering sometimes what kind of house did Baer grow in?!

In short, 10/10 atmosphere, 7/10 story, -1/10 characters.
Profile Image for Jack.
Author 9 books198 followers
February 18, 2019
This is a really good, short book. The characters aren't all that likable. They aren't supposed to be in a work like this. However, they are relatable in their own ways, and Baer treats them with a sense of love. He's the real star here. His prose and his imagery takes center stage in a book that is both visceral and heartbreaking, at times. It's a surreal book about a man who wakes up in a tub missing a kidney. Often, Phineas is left wondering what is real and what is fantasy. Often, we wonder right along with him.

If you like neo-noir, then you will like this. It's not horror. It's not crime. It's not literary fiction. It's all of them and yet none of them. You can see all of these influence here, but they have combined to form something different entirely.

There are a bunch of great writers doing this sort of work, having been influenced by both pulp and literary fiction. If you want a good introduction, here it is.
Profile Image for Megh. Megh..
Author 1 book112 followers
August 25, 2018
Don’t worry,” a voice whispers. “You really only need one.”
I had this on my list for a very long time, and Whatta book, for me this is one of the best books I have ever read. The story is very cliche, Poe, an ex-cop, with a dead wife and a missing kidney.

This "neo-noir" novel is definitely from a writer that's wholly his own, marching to the beat of his own drummer and all that. It goes through a dark labyrinth of twists and turns and sensations and sicknesses. And I was left surprised by the character's choices, thought processes, and the way things unfolded.

The narration is edgy and bold with a very linear storyline and in-betweens hallucinations of a different version of the same story, sometimes its dreamy and bizarre at the same time.

Ill strongly recommend this book. It's worth a read.

Happy Reading!


Profile Image for Izzy Lorjuste.
73 reviews4 followers
January 11, 2017
This isn't my usual genre. I would go so far as to say that this genre is one my least favorites.

But now I'm convinced that it's because I hadn't read something that caught my attention.

This book was... remarkable. It was a mindfuck and I loved every second of it.
Profile Image for Erika.
378 reviews115 followers
February 21, 2013
Why do I keep reading books from a genre I don't like? I really struggled with this book. First of all, I hated the way it was written. At times there was no way of way of knowing who was doing the talking or if the text was meant to be a dialogue or a thought. It was too damn confusing. Just 'cause you want to portray a mess of a character it doesn't mean you have to be messy in your writing. Most of the time you didn't know what was going on and, yes, I get it, the main character is mostly high on drugs, having nightmares or hallucinating... but you gotta make it clear for the reader. The whole time I was dreading the idea that it might all turn out to be a dream or some silly thing like that.
I hated Phineas Poe, I didn't get his motives. The rest of the characters were all over the place, the plot didn't make sense to me. And damn that abrupt ending.
Profile Image for James.
125 reviews103 followers
June 26, 2009
This book hasn't been around for that long, but I honestly cannot tell you how many times I have read and re-read this. Easily one of my favorite, favorite books.
Profile Image for Rahul  Adusumilli.
531 reviews74 followers
March 29, 2014
Very sharply written. You'll have to search far and wide to find another book that employs so many tasty metaphors.

Puzzling why it was marketed with a b-grade title and a b-grade cover.
Profile Image for David.
Author 26 books188 followers
April 15, 2016
This book is all about style. The plot, narrative, and characters are all Noir standards but the use of language forgives just about everything...wonderful to read...equal parts comedy, pathos, and pure villainy also help the read along. If you don't have a strong stomach and have trouble suspending belief this isn't for you...but if you're looking for an amoral romp this is the book for you.

I loved it...highly recommended.
Profile Image for Ava Bava.
14 reviews
February 26, 2025
Listen. Was this book insane? Yes. Were the women in this book written by a man? Yes. Did this book cost me $4? Yes.

The unreliable narrator and lack of quotation marks made this book almost disorienting. But it fit the vibe, and was undeniably what Baer was going for anyway.

That being said: This was a phenomenal read. It was terrible. But it was beautiful. I feel like I'm a different person... This book changed my life. Thank you. Goodnight.
Profile Image for Kiku.
433 reviews20 followers
March 9, 2017
I'm sure this book started with the title. You have to admit, it's a pretty great title.
Let's make "Jude" a woman, okay, sure, still with you.
Let's write an entire story without quotation marks in this sort of stream of consciousness thing that can get kind of clusterfuck-y but it'll add to the ~ambiance~, okay, sure, fine.

Now, since this is apparently a NOIRRRR book, your protagonist has to be a Rugged Ex-Cop with Nothing To Lose and a past, and aforementioned Jude gets the Overview of the Nexus 6 from "Blade Runner" for characterization (she can kill...or have sex!)

Why does she steal that kidney from the protagonist? Why was it a thing? Who knows, maybe that was the rerun of Dateline NBC that was on at the time the publicist was begging for a manuscript.

Buuuut...that's about where this stops. The only characters there really are exist only to be either the target of abuse, the subject of another "oh my god guys this is so fucked up" shock story before he/she is killed, and an attempt to make sex this strange grotesque monster without any solid narrative to actually back any of it up.

I could really only take reading this book in about 15 minute bursts, any more than that and the writing style went from "okay, this is kind of different and fast paced, that's an interesting image there" to being so focused on the sheer TEDIUM of reading it that you don't actually know what's happening.

Thinking back on it, it almost sounds like if you dumped the brain out of any vapid college guy who thinks he is totally cool because he's high as balls during a Tarantino movie marathon and everything he says is BRILLIANT THE WORLD IS A SHITHOLE BLOOD AND SEX AND THE COPS, MAAAAN.

I am not disputing the fact that the world is, in fact, often a shithole--but there are better books to take that away from than this one; if for no other reason than that most books at least can manage to make you care for longer than the span of a single chapter every few days.

Honestly...I really only gave this thing 2 stars because I DID actually finish it, but if there were half stars this would be a 1.5 at best.
Profile Image for Lazy  Chemist.
41 reviews
May 21, 2012
This work is an atrocious piece of trash that should be avoided at all cost. I will list a couple of the issues that I have with this book in order to help dissuade possible interested readers from having to deal with the literary torture.
1. It is obvious that the Author has never been to Denver. Locations are wrong there is no description of the city, or even of the mountain backdrops. He misses out on all the possible seeding dealings that could be used like the city of Englewood, and Colfax ave and puts crappy motels on the plot of land that currently houses the Hilton.
2. The Dreams are Dreams within dreams. I realize that this novel was written before Inception but the plot revolves around what the Narrator thinks is a dream. I get it he is constantly on drugs and suffering from the loss of his kidney but there needs to be a clear set of events without all the wishy-washy noir artsy crap. It is hard to figure out what is going on and by about half way through I no longer wanted too.
3. Is it really so hard to indent a paragraph.
4. The Character is either the worst man in bed or Will Baer is the worst writer of sexual escapades, I will demonstrate a common sexual encounter here.
" I watch as Jude knelt down and undid my buckle.... And then I passed out."
This happens way to often leaving the female protagonist of this novel as disappointing as the readers.
Profile Image for Marina Furmanov.
255 reviews1 follower
April 15, 2015
this book was so so so so so bad.
it is the perfect blend of a wind up bird chronicle meets Vonnegut's son's mental breakdown memoir of insanity. but I did not want to read through line after line of what seemed like magnetic poetry glorified. i understand that he was mentally ill and going through a lot, but I cannot read sentence after sentence that does not tell as story. it was all so disjointed, all so disappointing.. and that ending?@? come on!!! I don't know if he really lost a kidney, or if he was in the psych ward the whole time dreaming up of this story that I was reluctantly reading. I am one of those people that will not leave a started book.. but this was painful. truly a painful experience.
Profile Image for Jim Nowhere.
108 reviews5 followers
February 16, 2020
An intriguing story that manages to not answer many of the questions it present.. though it offers some options as what they could be.. I was hesitant to finish the last 30 pages or so.. as I wanted more, or something else, or basically not the ending as it is written.. its bittersweet, but also feels like it fell apart in the transition from 3rd to 4th act and couldn't quite recover.
3.5/5 rounded up because i enjoyed the premise and the writing.
will likely revisit in a couple years.
Profile Image for Sasha.
Author 16 books5,035 followers
Want to read
April 30, 2017
Kristi recommends this because I liked Blonde, so...okay!
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