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Shakespeare: The Bard's Guide To Abuses And Affronts
Presenting a most civilized way to silence boors, deflect rudeness, and chide churlish lovers: Our mini book of insults culled from the dramatic works of English literature's most gifted wordsmith.
Shakespeare's enduring putdowns include "Thou art a very ragged Wart" (Henry IV), "Thy kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake" (Troilus and Cressida), and "In civility thou seem'st so empty" (As You Like It).
Why resort to vulgarity when a high-brow literary epithet does the job so well?
Baffle your friends with your erudite knowledge of Shakespearean English, all while casually insulting them.
This collection of Shakespeare's most dazzling insults is neatly separated into sections for quick retrieval when a stinging retort is demanded.
Challenge your lover like Beatrice and Bendick, strategize like King Richard III, or diffuse religious sterotypes like Shylock. Become the master of your own villainy with creative and scathing insults that will show those rogues and ruffians who's in charge!
Shakespeare's enduring putdowns include "Thou art a very ragged Wart" (Henry IV), "Thy kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake" (Troilus and Cressida), and "In civility thou seem'st so empty" (As You Like It).
Why resort to vulgarity when a high-brow literary epithet does the job so well?
Baffle your friends with your erudite knowledge of Shakespearean English, all while casually insulting them.
This collection of Shakespeare's most dazzling insults is neatly separated into sections for quick retrieval when a stinging retort is demanded.
Challenge your lover like Beatrice and Bendick, strategize like King Richard III, or diffuse religious sterotypes like Shylock. Become the master of your own villainy with creative and scathing insults that will show those rogues and ruffians who's in charge!
128 pages, Hardcover
First published February 25, 2014
4 people are currently reading
133 people want to read
About the author
William Shakespeare
27.6k books47k followersWilliam Shakespeare was an English playwright, poet, and actor. He is widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world's pre-eminent dramatist. He is often called England's national poet and the "Bard of Avon" (or simply "the Bard"). His extant works, including collaborations, consist of some 39 plays, 154 sonnets, three long narrative poems, and a few other verses, some of uncertain authorship. His plays have been translated into every major living language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright. Shakespeare remains arguably the most influential writer in the English language, and his works continue to be studied and reinterpreted.
Shakespeare was born and raised in Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire. At the age of 18, he married Anne Hathaway, with whom he had three children: Susanna, and twins Hamnet and Judith. Sometime between 1585 and 1592, he began a successful career in London as an actor, writer, and part-owner ("sharer") of a playing company called the Lord Chamberlain's Men, later known as the King's Men after the ascension of King James VI and I of Scotland to the English throne. At age 49 (around 1613), he appears to have retired to Stratford, where he died three years later. Few records of Shakespeare's private life survive; this has stimulated considerable speculation about such matters as his physical appearance, his sexuality, his religious beliefs, and even certain fringe theories as to whether the works attributed to him were written by others.
Shakespeare produced most of his known works between 1589 and 1613. His early plays were primarily comedies and histories and are regarded as some of the best works produced in these genres. He then wrote mainly tragedies until 1608, among them Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, Othello, King Lear, and Macbeth, all considered to be among the finest works in the English language. In the last phase of his life, he wrote tragicomedies (also known as romances) and collaborated with other playwrights.
Many of Shakespeare's plays were published in editions of varying quality and accuracy during his lifetime. However, in 1623, John Heminge and Henry Condell, two fellow actors and friends of Shakespeare's, published a more definitive text known as the First Folio, a posthumous collected edition of Shakespeare's dramatic works that includes 36 of his plays. Its Preface was a prescient poem by Ben Jonson, a former rival of Shakespeare, that hailed Shakespeare with the now famous epithet: "not of an age, but for all time".
Shakespeare was born and raised in Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire. At the age of 18, he married Anne Hathaway, with whom he had three children: Susanna, and twins Hamnet and Judith. Sometime between 1585 and 1592, he began a successful career in London as an actor, writer, and part-owner ("sharer") of a playing company called the Lord Chamberlain's Men, later known as the King's Men after the ascension of King James VI and I of Scotland to the English throne. At age 49 (around 1613), he appears to have retired to Stratford, where he died three years later. Few records of Shakespeare's private life survive; this has stimulated considerable speculation about such matters as his physical appearance, his sexuality, his religious beliefs, and even certain fringe theories as to whether the works attributed to him were written by others.
Shakespeare produced most of his known works between 1589 and 1613. His early plays were primarily comedies and histories and are regarded as some of the best works produced in these genres. He then wrote mainly tragedies until 1608, among them Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, Othello, King Lear, and Macbeth, all considered to be among the finest works in the English language. In the last phase of his life, he wrote tragicomedies (also known as romances) and collaborated with other playwrights.
Many of Shakespeare's plays were published in editions of varying quality and accuracy during his lifetime. However, in 1623, John Heminge and Henry Condell, two fellow actors and friends of Shakespeare's, published a more definitive text known as the First Folio, a posthumous collected edition of Shakespeare's dramatic works that includes 36 of his plays. Its Preface was a prescient poem by Ben Jonson, a former rival of Shakespeare, that hailed Shakespeare with the now famous epithet: "not of an age, but for all time".
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
December 21, 2017
A pocket size book of simple insults in Shakespeare plays. These are only short insults. In King Lear there are some great insults that are full paragraphs long which are not included here. There are many missing, but there are some fun ones.
May 29, 2021
This is surely the best way to read Shakespeare!
Short quotations that are easy to digest and what's more these ones relate to abuses and affronts, which makes them more amusing.
I particularly like 'The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes' from Coriolanus and 'There is no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune' from Henry IV Part 1 - both quite fruity!
I don't think I have enjoyed Shakespeare as much since GCE days - only joking about the latter!
Short quotations that are easy to digest and what's more these ones relate to abuses and affronts, which makes them more amusing.
I particularly like 'The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes' from Coriolanus and 'There is no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune' from Henry IV Part 1 - both quite fruity!
I don't think I have enjoyed Shakespeare as much since GCE days - only joking about the latter!
February 13, 2015
"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." summary of most books nowadays
"Idol of idiot-worshipers." - best
"We make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars, as if we were villains by necessity, fools by heavenly compulsion."
"Idol of idiot-worshipers." - best
"We make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars, as if we were villains by necessity, fools by heavenly compulsion."
May 18, 2016
This book is handy. I even took photos of the insults that I'd like to use on people. It was a quick and amusing read.
September 29, 2025
This little book is just a lot of fun. I especially liked the Merchant of Venice insults, and missed all the Lady Macbeth insults not used. This is getting me in the mood to binge all of Shakespeare’s work that I haven’t. Also he’s a possible bisexual king?? Why have I never heard about this??
December 9, 2025
HIGHLY recommend to whisper (or shout them with pride) these in your friends ears while walking around the streets of nyc
December 31, 2019
Great little read!
Insults I plan on using include, 'I do desire we may be better strangers' and 'more of your conversation would infect my brain'
👏👏👏
Insults I plan on using include, 'I do desire we may be better strangers' and 'more of your conversation would infect my brain'
👏👏👏
December 31, 2015
Entertaining, though I did notice one of the insults was repeated. Some of these were so funny!
July 3, 2017
Studying Shakespeare next year so this reading this book counted as work...right?
Anyway an hilarious look into Shakespeare's plays and some very handy insults
Anyway an hilarious look into Shakespeare's plays and some very handy insults
November 15, 2023
A fun little book. I appreciated the addition of some history at the beginning, and the formatting was fabulous. Made me miss doing Shakespeare a bit.
April 3, 2024
Thou crusty batch of nature.
June 14, 2015
A fun and entertaining little book, each insult as sharp as the day it was penned, however the introduction and short history of Shakespeare's life was quite infantile in the telling. It seemed to go out of it's way to say "Hey! Look at all this unreliable evidence that Shakespeare may have been a bisexual polygamist!" Like sure, give us the information, but don't hit it over our heads. I've got more interesting things to do than watch you flounder about trying to prove Shakespeare's sexual and romantic preferences one way or the other.
October 12, 2017
Shakespeare never ceases to impress the contemporary reader with the breadth and wealth of his intellect! A very good book in summarizing lesser-known insults invented by William Shakespeare. Shame we don't use most of them any more!
September 9, 2015
Picked this up when I was in the Globe Theater. It's my new favourite thing ever X3
January 2, 2026
Rec. by: Roberta
Rec. for: Lackwits, cullions and reprobates of all description
Shakespeare: The Bard's Guide to Abuses and Affronts is an absolutely delightful little book—and I do mean little. This Running Press edition measures a mere 2.75" wide by 3.25" tall, but its 176 pages contain not just the advertised host of insults and imprecations extracted from Shakespeare's plays and poetry, but also a brief analysis of the Bard's impact on the English language, and an enlightening biography as well.
Nancy Armstrong, Catherine Sweeney and Joelle Herr are the individuals credited with having edited this compilation, but of course it's our man Bill who is the star.
I will share only a few of the quoted bits here, but rest assured there are many more where these came from:
My darling wife picked up Shakespeare: The Bard's Guide to Abuses and Affronts while she was in England in 2025, and gave it me because she knew I'd like it—and she was right!
Rec. for: Lackwits, cullions and reprobates of all description
Shakespeare: The Bard's Guide to Abuses and Affronts is an absolutely delightful little book—and I do mean little. This Running Press edition measures a mere 2.75" wide by 3.25" tall, but its 176 pages contain not just the advertised host of insults and imprecations extracted from Shakespeare's plays and poetry, but also a brief analysis of the Bard's impact on the English language, and an enlightening biography as well.
Nancy Armstrong, Catherine Sweeney and Joelle Herr are the individuals credited with having edited this compilation, but of course it's our man Bill who is the star.
I will share only a few of the quoted bits here, but rest assured there are many more where these came from:
Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.
—p.37, from Richard III
More of your conversation would infect my brain.
—p.65, from Coriolanus
She has been sluiced in's absence and his pond fishe'd by his next neighbour.
—p.131, from The Winter's Tale
My darling wife picked up Shakespeare: The Bard's Guide to Abuses and Affronts while she was in England in 2025, and gave it me because she knew I'd like it—and she was right!
August 7, 2025
Shakespeare: The Bard's Guide to Abuses and Affronts a book everyone should have in their pocket.
This book begins with a brief introduction making the reader aware that so many of the little things we say today actually stem from Shakespeare without us even knowing.
There is also a section that discusses a brief history of Shakespeare and what little information we know of his life before entering the main body of the book.
With each section there are short Shakespeare quotes perfect for insults. Some are so short you could more than likely commit them to memory and when the time arises and your faced with the opportunity you could recite a Shakespearean insult which will no doubt leave your interlocutor stumped and you feeling rather smug.
I love the idea of brining old language and sayings back into the twenty first century and I'm always keen to broaden my own vocabulary as I know so many other readers will find the same appeal with this book.
You can quite literally have this book in your pocket or bag with it being so small. It is definitely a practical book to carry around and something that will be a conversation piece.
This book begins with a brief introduction making the reader aware that so many of the little things we say today actually stem from Shakespeare without us even knowing.
There is also a section that discusses a brief history of Shakespeare and what little information we know of his life before entering the main body of the book.
With each section there are short Shakespeare quotes perfect for insults. Some are so short you could more than likely commit them to memory and when the time arises and your faced with the opportunity you could recite a Shakespearean insult which will no doubt leave your interlocutor stumped and you feeling rather smug.
I love the idea of brining old language and sayings back into the twenty first century and I'm always keen to broaden my own vocabulary as I know so many other readers will find the same appeal with this book.
You can quite literally have this book in your pocket or bag with it being so small. It is definitely a practical book to carry around and something that will be a conversation piece.
December 2, 2022
This tiny collection of Shakespeare’s creative insults and criticisms is a fast and entertaining read, each page features a different (small) quotation from one of his plays. I was hoping for a lot of entries from Taming of the Shrew and unfortunately, I felt like some excellent ones were missing, however in this tiny collection it would be impossible to include them all! And the ones that were featured were very funny and fresh. Additionally, I loved the different fonts and page formats included on each page, these regular changes kept me interested and helped distinguish one quotation from another. Although this book makes a lovely edition to my bookshelf, I probably won’t read it again as it does not contain any significant information about Shakespeare himself. But I would defiantly recommend it as a gift for any bardolator!
September 8, 2019
Este fue definitivamente mi favorito de la colección y me sacó varias risas. Algunos de los insultos los recordaba de las obras pero otros fueron un refrescante recordatorio de que las obras de Shakespeare son sumamente graciosas y su fin es entretener.
El minilibro está dividido en secciones, teniendo insultos sobre el físico, inteligencia y blasfemias varias. Aparte de ser super simpático en forma y dimensiones, la selección de dicterios es una maravilla que puede ser de utilidad para aficionados de Shakespeare y neófitos curiosos por igual.
El minilibro está dividido en secciones, teniendo insultos sobre el físico, inteligencia y blasfemias varias. Aparte de ser super simpático en forma y dimensiones, la selección de dicterios es una maravilla que puede ser de utilidad para aficionados de Shakespeare y neófitos curiosos por igual.
November 21, 2023
Cute but just a little wanting in terms of quality. One of the quotes is repeated twice very close together which a cursory glance should have revealed in the editing process. Some of the quotes aren't really abuses or affronts so much as have words in them vaguely relating to the theme of the section they're in. Still, a nice bit of fun and definitely a cute little book. Many of the quotes on idiocy put me in mind of a certain co-worker that I can't stand lately, so it was fun imagining situations where I got to yell them at the co-worker aloud.
December 23, 2022
I picked up this book which was a part of a 3-book Boxset because I truly want to get into Shakespeare‘a works and life more. Also we’re gonna study Shakespeare’s works in college so I wanted to get a glance of what we will be seeing from him. So this was a good introduction of his life in a brief summary and also the quotes that were chosen made me more excited to read his works.
He was low-key reading others to filth and I was here for it.
He was low-key reading others to filth and I was here for it.
December 23, 2025
This is an interesting way to see the way Shakespeare uses language, and the types of insults he dishes out. There’s a good quantity of quotes here and they mention their sources, unfortunately they don’t mention the specific line so you can find it. Not a huge bummer of course, it’s all for fun.
August 8, 2019
Tiny but cool.
August 16, 2019
"Thou art a very ragged Wart"
December 31, 2020
Fun pocket-sized edition of Shakespeare’s best insults! Also prefaced by an insightful and concise biography on the Bard.
Many thanks to my Daughter, Chloe for the fun read!
Many thanks to my Daughter, Chloe for the fun read!
January 3, 2021
One of the cutest and funniest books on my shelf. Highlights: "I do desire that we may be better strangers." "Idol of idiot worshippers!" "Thou smell of mountain goat."
December 30, 2022
It definitely lives up for its title - now I know where to go to find a confusing insult to throw at someone 😂
November 9, 2023
Sometimes I ask myself why I can be so mean, but then I remember this is in my pocket.
April 18, 2024
Super easy to read as it’s just pages of quotes! Hilariously witty!
July 11, 2024
A pocket-sized book of curses and slams to boggle the minds of people who annoy you. Wish there were more.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 14, 2024
"thy mother
took into her
blameful bed
some stern
untutor'd churl...
whose fruit
thou art... "
-henry VI, part II
10/10
took into her
blameful bed
some stern
untutor'd churl...
whose fruit
thou art... "
-henry VI, part II
10/10
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews