Moon People

Moon People #1

by Dale M. Courtney

"This Book is based on the turning point for Earth into a new era of space travel and the beginning of the Age of Aquarius. The story focuses on one Man by the Name of David Braymer and his adventures from High school teacher to 1st Science Officer on board the Lunar Base 1 Mobile Base Station and his encounters with Alien Life forms through out our universe and the space Battle of all battles David experiences. I hope you enjoy the many adventures of David Braymer and his conquest in space and our journey into the Age of Aquarius."

Genres: Science Fiction, Fiction, Book Club

77 pages, Paperback

First published December 5, 2008

Reviews

[Weinz · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are no words that could describe this book writing collection of words randomly put together on paper. I would like to nominate for execution all self publishers that allow complete piles of putrescence, like this, to be printed and released upon the unsuspecting public. I don't want punishment for these people I want professional concentrated torture. The Geneva Convention be damned, these people deserve it all. I want medieval torture to look like spa day after they are done.

As for poor little Dale M.C.? Feeble-minded mouth-breathing imbecile that spends his day drooling and dreaming about the day he will someday meet his very own moon person? I'm sure he is so clueless he is still waiting for L. Ronnie Hubbord to call him and invite him to next lunar launch.

I can't believe I read this book. I feel dirty.

Never have I ever encountered such atrocities on the English language. It had a profound lack of plot, structure, dialogue, punctuation, spelling or any grasp of reality.

A few examples to make your brain ache:
-"fill" instead of feel
-"know" instead of now
-"taking" instead of taken
-"abservatory"
-"he don't really need me"
-"you to boss"
-"in stead"
-"when she seen Dave come in"
-"bomb barding"
-"were first going to Mars"
-"they kissed intimently"

I can't, I have to stop. I want to rip his arms off and then beat him with them. Maybe that will prevent the writing of "Moon People 3" because, oh yes, there is already a sequel.

There was a sex scene! Half a page of dialogue that proved once and for all that not only has Dale NEVER been laid, he has never seen a woman naked or even spoken with any female longer than three minutes. EVER.

I am now going to take a shower and try to wash myself clean of the most horrid hour of my life.

One more quote. "and then they kissed passionately for about a minute."

I can't even go into the tired sci-fi tropes, undeveloped characters or factual errors. Doing so would acknowledge this as a book and my soul cannot give it that much credit.

[Neil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moon People has reshaped my literary perceptions. After reading the heroic story of Captain David Braymer, 1st Science Officer of the space ship USS Lunar Base One, I feel as if I have been unbound from the restraints put in place by a dozen English teachers. "Amazing", I said to myself, when I realized the linguistic flexibility that comes from releasing character speech from its quotation marks. There is a certain joy that comes with exercising the freedom to end a sentence on any punctuation, even a comma. Question marks needn't be for interrogative statements! Must we bind every interjection to an exclamation point? Henceforth we shall be free to transpose homophones with the confidence that the reader will still get the point. Even chapters needn't be logical containers for portions of the story; why can't we start a new chapter in the middle of a conversation with two characters? Even the rules of spelling and capitalization serve only to bestow an unnecessary magniloquence when plain conversational writing will do. After reading this book, I scoff even at the concept of 'correct' word order.

But all this only addresses style and the substance of this book is in the plot. Our guide on this adventure, Dale M. Courtney takes us from the nuances of interpersonal relationships to the majesty of the stars themselves. Each important event is carefully explained, reiterated, repeated and said again, all without any bothersome detail. Approximations like "a good size" and "about seven feet" get across the point without wasting time. The brush strokes used to paint this story are certainly broad, like those of an impressionist sketching in the sunlight across their subject. In these broad brush strokes there is a certain efficiency. Our story takes place in the span of only a long weekend. So quickly David Braymer's life changes; he begins a humble teacher, is hired by NASA to head a project to investigate an incoming asteroid, and soon takes to the stars on a ten year mission aboard the USS Lunar Base 1.

For an optimistic and adventurous vision of our near future, this book is unmatched. We are presented with a world where war has ended, a country where NASA actually sends people into space, and a town in Florida where a man can take a woman to Red Lobster on their first date, and still take her to bed. We see technology so advanced, it amazes its own creators. Lasers! Rockets! Liquid shields that harden to the strength of four inches of steel! Air tubes which transport food to you in mere minutes! Yes, the future presented here is truly a place of wonder. Of course even this Utopian setting is not without flaws. There are villains, there is fighting and there are consequences. Only quick thinking and some new friends can pull our heroes out of this fight in one piece.

Moon People, by Dale M. Courtney will realign your perception and you may just have a little fun along the way.

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣]

Q:
“I'm going to hook up my new telescope we will watch it as it gets close. This is a special telescope that can see during the day." (c) Ow.

Legend of a novel, along with .

[furious · Rating 4 out of 5]

i've only just begun reading Moon People, but so far it is nothing short of a radical reworking of literary form. it is like a novel written by someone who has never read a novel. any & all conventions of the English language in its written form are either completely disregarded, or mutated to fit into Dale M. Courtney's singular worldview. let me give a quick example. this is a painstakingly accurate excerpt from the beginning of Chapter 8 - Saying Good-Bye:


Then David said by Monday Halloween night I will be sleeping on the Base Station. (Cheral) Man, that is quick. (David) I know I'm still not use to the Idea of that yet. Especially because it's Halloween. (Cheral) You know I just thought about it your going to be like Spok on Star Trek.

Wasn't he 1st Science officer too? David smiled and said yes he was. I never thought of it like that before. You know I was going to eat breakfast and go and say goodbye to my friends at school. Spend part of the day there and then go out with you tonight and spend tomorrow packing everything I'm going to need and then go to Nasa for the launch preparations. (Cheral) wow it sounds like you have it all planed out.


i could probably go on quoting from Moon People forever & never run out of amazing material until i hit page 77, which is the final page...

[David · Rating 1 out of 5]

'Voyage of the Dawn Treader' begins with "There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it".

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" launches 'A Tale of Two Cities'.

Dale Courtney's literary masterpiece 'Moon People' opens thusly:
"This Story Begins on a beautiful sunny day in Daytona Beach Florida with a man by the name of David Braymer. A 45-year-old single man that works at the local high school as a science teacher. He also teaches astronomy in the 12-grade level. Now he has been here about 5 years and has become somewhat partial to a young lady by the name of Cheral Basel a local restaurant owner in Daytona Beach Florida. At the moment, Cheral is preparing her restaurant for another shuttle launch at the cape. Everyone always gathers at her place because you can see the launch real good there. It is on the water and its[sic] real close to the Cape. She always decks the place out right before a launch too."

It gets worse.

You might be familiar with the internet meme 'Three Wolf Moon' ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Wo... ). An otherwise uninspired t-shirt became a best seller as people began to post over-the-top 5 star reviews. A similar phenomena lead to my purchase of 'Moon People'. The review ratings tend to assume an inverted bell curve distribution: either one star, warning others that it's perhaps the worst writing ever to be realized in print, or five stars, where 'Moon People' fanboys praise Courtney for his daring reimagined and unorthodox bending of sentence and grammatical conventions.

The fact that I read this book in just two sittings today is entirely due to the beautiful outdoor weather, where I lounged at length, reading and watching birds fight over the resources we had set out for them. This is also why my head didn't explode from this appalling train wreck of a novel.

Bad plot aside, there's literally errors on every page, yet there's no indication that this work is an intentional farce, or that English may not be Courtney's first language. Mid-sentence, a new paragraph or chapter might begin. He completely ignore quotes when characters are talking, preferring to identify the speaker with names in parentheses. Rarely a page goes by without the erroneous inclusion of an apostrophe on a plural noun, or equally likely, the lack of an apostrophe when required. He seems to understand that some words are hyphenated, but uses spaces instead (e.g. "Pre packaged", "anti social", etc.). Words are Capitalized at Random, tenses are mixed, and understanding that a character posed a question must be divined from the text itself, as questions marks are frequently absent. I never knew "basket Ball" or "breath taking" were two words, that one could receive a "bomb barding", or that a covered water source is "totally in cased". Twice, he refers to Star Trek's Mister "Spok", while other aliens (described as strong) look like "they were solid mussel". The homophonic misspellings are so rampant that at one point I briefly entertained the idea that Courtney might be encoding some secret message to be revealed by only the most determined of fans. They're especially effective when delivered back to back, e.g. "Go ahead and plot a coarse[sic] to Pluto and raise our speed to mock[sic] seven."

A handful of times, Courtney suddenly shifts from third-person ("he") to second-person narrative ("you") brilliantly jarring the reader out of complacency and thrusting him into the narrative.
Example: "(Admiral Benson) Well here we go campers. Commander Tice go to yellow alert. (Commander Tice) Yes sir, going to yellow alert now sir. Suddenly the yellow light started flashing on the wall and you heard the navy whistle go off for five seconds and then it was just the flashing a yellow light again."
I guess it's like "breaking the fourth wall", but in reverse. :-)

As for the imagination required of all sci-fi authors, I'll leave you with the following excerpt:

"(David) I have one more question sir. (Admiral Benson) What's that Captain? (David) Well sir, I was wondering if we had any kind of shields sir, like on star trek?[author's lack of capitalization] (Admiral Benson) Very good question Captain. The answer is yes we do. Our shields are all over on certain parts of the ship in vital areas on the outside. They are a liquid that turns into the strength of four inches of steel when it gets hard because of being exposed to the cold of space. They also have heaters on them to turn it back into a liquid state again. All of our windows have a thick peace[sic] of steel for shutter's[sic] that close when we go to red alert. (David) Wow that's impressive, thank you sir. (Admiral Benson) Any time Captain, that was a good question."

[Marc *Dark Reader with a Thousand Young! Iä!* · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moon People is a true classic of anti-literature.

Emerging at the forefront of the modern wave of barrier-free self-publishing, nevertheless entrusted to an Author Solutions imprint at who-knows-what cost to the deluded Courtney, this book stood out. It became infamous in some circles by virtue of white elephant gift exchanges and random appearance in workplaces, where people who had never seen such a travesty of fiction before, never imagined that such a thing could exist, would pick it up and find themselves exclaiming, "What the hell is this?" The author's child-like confidence in its merit extended even to buying billboard advertising:



This should be required of all self-publishers. In times of yore, it cost a lot of money to self-publish. Back then, it meant something.

I've read both sequels but never before the original, but having listened to multiple podcasts covering it, I felt like I had basically read it. I was right. I hadn't read it before because A) only the sequels were available on Kindle Unlimited, and B) was I going to give money to XLibris/Author Solutions, that scammy, scummy, predatory overpriced no-value self-publishing service provider that begrudgingly pays royalties due if at all, if I could avoid it? I was not. I waited for a used copy to appear, and one finally did on Thriftbooks. It had been through multiple pairs of hands if the copious annotations in my copy are any indication, many of them illegible:



My favorite is in response to the exclamation over how good dinner was: "Honey, it was Red Lobster, chill." I have now added my own commentary to the mix for future generations.

What makes Moon People bad? It's the absolute cluelessness on every level that suggests the author has never actually seen a book. The mangled grammar, countless erroneous word substitutions, the bizarrely constructed dialogue prompts; the senseless chapter and paragraph breaks that seemingly only exist because the author realized such things were supposed to exist and then made the cuts at intervals regardless of the content being split; the ridiculous vision of spaceships, NASA, and every piece of applied science; plotting; naked self-insertion; and every single other aspect of "book".

What makes Moon People wonderful? It's the joy; the unfiltered, child-like joy and enthusiasm that went into the project. It's utterly guileless, misplaced, and amazing to behold. And although the writer's joy and the reader's joy come from very different places, but they're also directly connected, a throughline from one to the other. Reading Moon People is a marvelous, hilarious experience, and even though it's not what was intended it's a resounding success.

I heartily recommend it to all readers if you ever have the opportunity to enjoy this unique and brief experience. If you've never had cause to try a seriously bad book, this one will open your eyes and expand your mind, positively.

(If anyone's interested, and who wouldn't be, my review of Moon People 2 can be found here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show... and further analysis of the whole Moon People situation here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show... and finally my review of the last part of the trilogy here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show... )

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I do not like to give one star ratings, but this book did not even earn so much as one star.

I started out proof-reading my physical copy of this book because of the awful writing (or, as some have said, jumbled words). However, with the amount of corrections I was making per page, I would not have finished correcting this book within this year. It is only seventy-nine pages long.

I have never before read a book that forgoes the use of quotation marks around speech. I have never read a book where multiple people will speak all within one paragraph (distinguished, of course, by their name written in parenthesis). I did not know that one can use the word "fill" instead of "feel" and still have the sentence mean the same thing. Past tense and present tense are apparently interchangeable, and homophones definitely all mean the same thing as one another. Sentences end on any punctuation or no punctuation at all. The end of the sentence is, obviously, implied.

I did not know paragraphs could be split up at random intervals, and I did not know chapters can split up conversations, the conversation starting in one chapter and continuing with no break but the chapter heading into the next chapter. Not all plural words must not be written in plural form, and an apostrophe does not have to mean a contraction or the possessive!

The man who wrote this book also has no concept of actual science (beyond television Sci-fi), the workings of the military and the government, or the way American high school functions.

I must say that, when I googled "worst book ever written," I appreciated the excellent reviews on this book. I was skeptical that it was exactly AS awful as they said, however. I will now conclude that this is the worst book ever written.

In case some of you, my friends, are still skeptical at the end of this review, I have a partial paragraph excerpt from the beginning of chapter three just for you. Here it goes:

--There's a lot of things that could be wrong and everyone would leave here and go start a panic all over the place. Billy said, Ah we won't tell anyone. I don't think I can take that chance David replied. Then Billy said, how about if we all pledge not to say anything? David smiled and thought for a moment and said, this is serious people, a lot of people can die in a panic. We will really give our word Billy said, won't we class? Yeah the class sounded out! David laughed and said, ok listen very carefully class. If you here by pledge to this class and to God that you will not tell anyone what we find in this class about the meteor. I will ask Zeus that question. Everyone has to say I do though. Everybody in the class sounded out, I do. I hope I'm not making a big mistake? Ok Zeus will this meteor collide with our solar system? (Computer) Negative.--

The paragraph goes on from there.

I do not know what else to say about this book. I only hope you do not waste your money buying it, or the others in the trilogy, off of Amazon.

[kory kuhlmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is no book like it.
Some books are hard to read when distracted but Moon People is better one 3 page chapter per sitting.
There is no way all the grammatical errors are by accident and hope someday to brake the code contained within them.
Everyone who writes should try to read this book and than hug their first reads and their editors just in case I am wrong about the whole secret code thing.
I liked the story more than Twilight. Some questions seemed unresolved but that is okay because there is Moon People 2
To get a good idea of book find a link to read the first page. If you have the book you will try to get every one you know to try it similar to being the first to give someone Mega Sour Warheads candy since they will have the same look on their face.
The only thing more entertaining than convincing some to read Moon People is reading its 5 star reviews on amazon.com
Must read first page.
http://network.nationalpost.com/np/bl...

[Sean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing. A timeless example of how to not write.

[rndgmoat · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well it finally happened. 372 pages gave me something I could not finish. I have to accept that there are just different schools of thought as to what one means by " so bad it's good." I love the books that have a veneer of readability but are ridiculous or stupid or fall apart on closer examination. These guys, based on their work with RiffTracks, have a sometimes frustrating predilection for the other kind of so bad its good--books that are absurdly inept so as to be almost unreadable. Books that are so bad they cease to become books and almost become some kind of weird, bizarre objects.

Anyway this book is probably the worst thing I have ever encountered in life. I have a suspicion that the author is either a really hard-working troll, or has legitimate cognitive issues. This book is one giant block of text filled with typos and malapropisms fueled by the author's Star Trek fantasies. It is painful. It hurt me. I cannot do it. I will still listen to the podcast and I will laugh but I cannot do it.

[Nicolas Quattromani · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could not choose between giving this book one star, because it's terrible, or giving it five stars, because it is so terrible that it has achieved a weird sort of perfection, and so I decided to split the difference and award three stars. Now, the thing about Moon People is that it is perhaps the worst novel ever written in the English language, assuming of course that the disjointed, inept prose within counts as English. Seriously, it is bad. The punctuation is erratic at best (Dale M. Courtney eschews quotation marks, for reasons I cannot fathom), just about every sentence is at a third-grade level of sophistication, the plot is inane (it's something about a space mission that gets involved in an interstellar war, as I recall, but I read the book rather a long time ago and can't remember or care about the details), and the rules of grammar are repeatedly murdered with the literary equivalent of an axe to the skull.
You are probably thinking that it would be fun to read Moon People just to marvel at how atrocious it is. I thought the same thing, back when I was young and naive, but I had no idea what I was getting into. You see, the novelty of the book's awfulness wears off rather quickly. Instead, it rapidly devolves into a tedious slog, all of which is utter nonsense that cannot be kept straight no matter how hard one tries. I found it merciful that Moon People was short enough to be read in one sitting. Any longer, and I likely would have lost my mind.
So, here's the bottom line: don't waste your time and money on this book. Though the insipid prose is hilarious at first, you can see all that there is to see just by using the "Look Inside" function on its Amazon page, and you'll spare yourself several hours of madness by doing so.

[Essa Alroc · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are only going to read one book this year, make it Moon People! This book is the literary equivalent of “Wheel of Fortune”. You will feel smarter for having read it. Much, much smarter.

You know, by comparison.

The author is either crazy, 8 years old, or an evil genius. Maybe all three. If this book were an entrée, it would be paired with pabst blue ribbon or a nice gallon of Allen’s coffee brandy.

[Mandi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dear Dale Courtney,

EFFING GOOGLE: Military time, how light years work, also compare 10 kilometers to the sun, basic grammar, how to construct a sentence, and how to write dialogue.

ps. that's not how this works. THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS!

[Loralee · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is not a book for me. The storyline itself is very imaginative, but there are grammatical errors and spelling errors throughout, and the storyline is too hard to swallow for me. I was unable to suspend my disbelief.

[Lynn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Going to read this one. I was laughing hysterically reading all the reviews on Publishers Weekly, Amazon, etc. I can hardly wait to see this "master peace" for myself!

[Dwayne Fry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recently, an astronomer friend of mine posted something about this book on facebook. The article posted claimed it to be the worst book ever written. I was intrigued and decided to give it a read. 24 hours later, I could not bring myself to declare it the worst book ever written as I have not, to this date, read every book written. I can easily declare it the worst book I have ever read. To call this book sophomoric would be an insult to anything truly sophomoric. Throughout most of this book, I felt embarrassed for the author, who must have thought, for some deranged reason, that it was actually good enough to share with the world. I am hazarding a guess that the writer must spend all his time watching B movies from the '50s and '60s and has never actually looked at a book in his life.

I know. If the book is so bad, why did I give it four stars? I will answer that question later. First, I will give you the tip of the iceberg on why I found this book so stupid.



The writing is terrible. As mentioned, I get the feeling that Dale M. Courtney (the writer) has never actually seen a book. He knows nothing about sentence structure, grammar, even spelling. Courtney (I wonder if that is his real name - I would be too embarrassed to put my name on this book) knows nothing about characterization, dialogue, conflict, and so on. I could go on all day about what is wrong with the book, but let's focus on those three things for now.

Characterization - By the last page we really know nothing about the characters. There are a lot of characters with titles and names, but nothing is said about how they look, their speech patterns, their history, their likes, dislikes, desires - anything that might make them seem human. Admiral Benson, for instance, is a fairly prominent character in the story, but all we really know about him is he is an admiral and his name is Benson. Beyond that, he just goes around doing and saying things that Courtney assumes an admiral would do on a space mission.

The main character is David Braymer and, again, that's about all we really know about what kind of man he is. Oh, sure, we're told that he used to work for the FBI in "UFO research" (whatever that is) but found it boring. We know that he became a high school teacher and later went to work for NASA. But, how tall is he? What are his quirks? We are told very little about him. I guess we know he likes to eat sandwiches and loves his telescope (which is, somehow, part telescope and part chalk board - but, why anyone would want to write on a telescope with chalk is not explained). We know he likes to eat something called a "regular 222" at a local diner.

I guess we do learn that David is a total creep. He hits on a worker at the diner, gets her to go out with him and sleeps with her multiple times in a course of three days - all the while knowing he will soon be leaving the planet for several years. I guess to David Braymer, women are only good for two things - making a regular 222 and sex. After he has his way with her and blasts off into space, she is never mentioned again through the rest of the book. Maybe this is Dale Courtney's idea of what a real man should be like - love 'em and leave 'em. To me, it makes David Braymer nothing more than an obnoxious creep.

Dialogue There is a lot of dialogue in "Moon People" and all of it is poorly written. There are no quotation marks. Instead, Courtney indicates who is talking with the use of parenthesis and conversations and stuffed into one paragraph like clowns in a clown car. There is no indication of when the speaker has finished speaking and the narrative has begun again. Dialogue is often wooden and often times only repeats things that we, the reader, already know. Courtney feels the need to include every word spoken in the dialogue instead of only focusing on what will actually drive the story forward. I don't have it in me to look up a bit of dialogue and type it out, so I will make up some of my own, in Courtney's style, to show you what I am talking about.

(David)Hello, Admiral Benson. (Admiral Benson) Good morning, David. (David) Good morning Admiral. (Benson) Yes, it is a good morning. It is a good morning to go into space. Are you ready to go into space? (David) That's right! We go into space today! Yes, I am ready to go into space! (Benson) That is good to hear. I would not want you going into space if you were not ready to go into space. (David) Yes, I am ready to go into space. (Benson) I hope you had a good breakfast. We are going into space, you know. You can't go into space on an empty stomach. (David) Yes, I had a regular 222 today. (Benson) What is a regular 222? (David) I am not sure. I have it every day, though. (Benson) Okay. (David) I had a regular 222 today. (Benson) Okay. (David) And then the waitress had sex with me for three days. (Benson) Well, that is good. Does that always come with the regular 222? (David) No, only when I am going to be in space for several years and do not have to make a commitment to that dumb girl. (Benson) You are a real man hero. Oh, the phone is ringing. Benson picks up the phone. It is the president. (Benson) Hello, Mr. President. (President) Hello Admiral Benson. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. You are going into space. (Benson) Thank you, sir. (President) You are handling things better than I could handle them. (Benson) Thank you sir. He tells David that the President is on the phone. (President) Could I speak to David? Benson gives the phone to David. (President) Hello David. (David) Hello President. (President) Are you ready to go into space? (David) I am ready to go into space. (President) Did you bring your telescope so you can take it into space? (David) I brought my telescope so I can take it into space. I brought my chalk, too, so I can write on my telescope. (President) I am glad you brought your chalk. (David) Yes, I have my chalk. (President) Did you have a good breakfast? (David) I had the regular 222. (President) I do not know what that is, but I am proud of you for having a regular 222. You handled it better than I could have. (David) And then I had sex with the waitress for about three days. (President) Well, that is wonderful. (David) But, I am about to go into space for ten years, so it's time to stop thinking about her. (President) I am proud of you for being a womanizer. You are a real man hero. (David) Thank you sir. (President) Do not give that waitress another thought. (David) What waitress? (President) You handled her better than I could have, I am sure. (David) I will miss my regular 222, though.

Conflict - There is none. None. A good story needs to have conflict. There is no conflict with each other, with the elements or with themselves. David gets high paying jobs that he's probably not qualified for with great ease. There are no problems on the flight. There are no arguments or even debates about the mission. When they run into an alien race later in the book, they immediately make friends with them and start trading recipes (I wish I was kidding about that). Oh, sure, another alien race comes along and they have a war that lasts about five minutes, but this is about 95% of the way through the book. In the introduction, Courtney promises that the book is "action pact (sic) from the beginning to the end", but this is a flat out lie. What little action there is is far from exciting or interesting. Most of it is a battle between the aliens seen by the humans from many light years away and is basically a lot of lights flashing between two space ships. There is one other thing that, maybe, could pass as conflict. Early in the novel, David keeps mentioning that the mission begins on Halloween and he seems to be worried about that, but there is no reason given for his worry, so it is a rather hollow point. Does NASA have a history of failure on Halloween? Are Trick-or-Treaters waiting to pummel the space craft with eggs? Does David suffer from Samhainophobia? We are not told.

So, why did I give this sucker four stars if it's so awful? Here is my explanation:

The first star is for the writing. The sentence structure, spelling, grammar and all that are so poor it gets one star. Courtney does, on occasion, complete a sentence without making an error. Maybe this is by mistake, maybe his children helped him, I don't know. Maybe this is some evidence that the infinite monkey theorem is true. But, maybe it's just some evidence that Dale M. Courtney is not completely illiterate.

The second star is because I can see a practical use for this book. Normally bad books are worth nothing more than dropping in a hamster cage so the rodents can make a nice, warm nest out of it. But, this book is so bad that it should be taught in high schools and colleges in a course on how NOT to write a novel. Every chapter could be used as a lesson in mistakes to avoid if you want to write something that is worth reading. I came up with this idea about the point where the characters began trading recipes with the aliens and thought this would be a good lesson on how conflict, as unpleasant as it can be in real life, should be used in a novel. The point of a novel, any novel, is to see growth in a character. When you have a character like David Braymer who waltzes through life falling into high paying jobs with ease, finding loose women any time he wants to have sex and everyone around him just wants to be his friend (including aliens), there's really no room for growth (unless, of course, he should ever decide it's time to treat women like human beings instead of sex toys).

The third star is for, well, I have to admit this book is damned entertaining. It is not entertaining for the reasons it is meant to be. It is accidentally entertaining. When Courtney decided to include a photo of the alien craft at the beginning of the 14th chapter and he used one of the most recognizable space crafts in science fiction (The Death Star from Star Wars) I just about fell over laughing. I have recounted to numerous people the stupidity of the novel in regards to David Braymer's employment. The man is a high school teacher and one day gets a call from NASA asking if he wants to be a "head astronomer" because the guy that used to have a job was in a car crash. I am not positive, but I have high doubts that this is how NASA really enlists personnel. A bit later, NASA decides it's time to launch a shuttle and David, for no rational reason, is promoted to Captain of the ship. I guess it must be his telescope that you can write on with chalk. Apparently, in Courtney's world, all you need to do to became an astronaut is take a physical and watch a video. Oh, and show up 24 hours before the launch. One last of the many, many gems - when the humans make contact with the aliens and the aliens say they want to trade with the humans, the humans just happen to have catalogs laying around for the aliens to order from.

The fourth star was the hardest to give, but I'm giving it anyway. It is based on an assumption and I truly hope that I'm right about this. I suspect Dale M. Courtney is not really a poor writer, but actually a brilliant marketer. I suspect that he decided to see if he could sell a bunch of books by writing the most pathetic, sophomoric, ridiculous, mind-numbingly stupid story he could imagine, then after publishing started a rumor that it was the worst book ever written. People love train wrecks, don't they? Why put years of effort into writing something fantastic only to find no one wants to buy it when you can spend the better part of a lazy Saturday afternoon dredging out a sloppy bucket of crap like this and then market it as the worst thing ever written.

David M. Courtney, if you are really not this brilliant and one of your children reads my review to you and you decide to defend yourself by telling me that you really thought the book was good and you really intended it to be a gripping sci-fi novel, please don't. I would rather continue to think of you as a brilliant marketer than a lousy writer.

[Brian Koser · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a fan of the bad book club podcast 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back, and a fan of many of the books they've covered. I built a fan-fiction Choose Your Own Adventure game (372adventure.com). I wrote a 3,212 word review of Trucking through Time, the highest-rated review of Trucking through Time on Goodreads. We've invited friends over for an Eye of Argon reading party.

I don't say any of this to brag. I say it so that you can fully understand the following statement: Moon People is the greatest of them all. I didn't think I could love a 1-star book more than Trucking through Time, but I was wrong. So very wrong.

It's like Dale M. Courtney studied me secretly for years, learning all about me, and then wrote Moon People solely to make me happy.

The main quirk is that DMC must have written the book with text to speech software. That's the only explanation for the lack of commas and quotation marks, and all the homophones. But it would take me far more than 80 pages to catalog everything I like about Moon People, because every sentence is bad in an amazing new way. You really have to read it yourself. Here's just a taste:

The main character David talking to the spaceship admiral:

By the way did you realize that Monday was Halloween. Yes sir, I know, it does bother me a little bit. You have until then to change your mind. You are going to have to be here a good 24 hours earlier for launch preparations and a quick health check up. Then after that the only thing you are going to see is the stars. Don't worry I'll be there right along side of you? That's my flight too. Great. The truth about it is I am a little scared of that shuttle launch to the base station especially on Halloween. But I think I will be all right after that. Good Captain Braymer because you and I are going on one hell of a ride Monday morning, trick or treat. I will show you wonders you always dreamed about. That's pretty cool sir. I can't wait.

Romance:

She leaned in toward David and they kissed passionately for about a minute and then stopped.

First contact with alien life:

If you like asparagus then I bet you'll like to try some of these. We call this a baked potato. We stir it up into a soft pudding and then we add butter and salt. Potatoes also grow well in space. I hope you will like it. Captain Tudmoke replied, I believe I will try it. MMM that's good. We have something like this on our planet its called stemage.

The Burj Khalifa, the Mona Lisa, the crack cocaine of bad books.

[EricS_E1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

There had never been a book more influential to me as Dale M. Courtney's masterpiece, Moon People, not only reshaping my literary perceptions but also disobeying all rules of writing in such a beautiful manner. This book is about the protagonist, David, and his contact with extraterrestrial life forms. The theme of this book is that even at a time as sophisticated as ours, humans still make horrendous mistakes and nurture disasters. A real-world example is how this book got published. I would recommend this to anyone wanting to feel even slightly intelligent or want a good, new roll of toilet paper because they are too lazy to go out and buy them.

[Marsh "Bad Sci Fi" Bloom · Rating 1 out of 5]

This will be a full summary of Moon People when I get that far into the book. So far it's chapters 1-13.

[So yes there are spoilers ahead]

Moon People Summary Chapter 1, The Beginning of The End

This story begins in Daytona Beach with David Braymer, a 45 year old single man and high school science teacher. Also it is Oct 27, 2048 today. David is on his way to visit the lady he is partial toward, Cheral, at her restaurant where everyone goes to watch Shuttle launches because the view is "real good."

The shuttles launch three times a week to build Lunar Bases 1-3. "Lunar" bases orbit earth and look like giant rotating "empty toilet paper holders". And the "bases" are scheduled to visit other planets in the Solar System.

The radio reports that a huge meteor is heading toward earth at "60'000 miles an hour" but no worries, it will miss earth, albeit closely. David goes into the restaurant and no one seems to be concerned. After a bit of vague talk, they turn on the TV and hear the news. The meteor is coming from the tail area of Scorpio and is speeding up but will pass by in 178 days. The restaurant goes quiet enough "to hear a mouse burp." Everyone in the restaurant knows David's background as a 12th grade astronomy teacher and all look to him fearfully for guidance and his smile calms all.

David smiles at Cheral and she smiles back. David eats his regular breakfast, an undefined "222", then chats up Cheral, who puts a sexy smile on her face. David in turn puts a big smile on his face. Friday it is. Without a paragraph break, David is back in his classroom at school where "everybody was telling everyone" to calm down.

David fires up an expensive telescope that somehow works during the day and then abandons his classroom to "get some forms" for unexplained reasons. The school principal tells David that NASA called to urgently talk to him. Back in his classroom he tells the loud kids to calm down and leaves again to call NASA.



Moon People Summary Chapter 2, The New Job

The phone number David was given is answered by the "head of operations out here at NASA." Yes, this is about that meteor. And they really need David. David agrees that he teaches astronomy and has "been into astrology for about 20 years." Bud at NASA says the head astronomer and assistant were in an auto accident. Then some vagueness about things he can't say yet, but they really need David to take this job and will pay "top dollar" and are "willing to go the extra mile here." But "I have a Job!" David says.

David wants some time to think about it. He goes back to his classroom and finds it half empty, and the remaining students questioning the point of going to school given the circumstances. David tells them they will now study Scorpio and there will be a test on Friday. He fires up his telescope and hooks it to his "new 80 inch chalk board computer monitor," wowing the kids with an image of Scorpio and the meteor.

The image makes David realize the meteor isn't coming from the stinger of Lamda Scorpio but from Antares. But that's over 135 million light years away and no way that could get here in 178 days. Boy, NASA really needs the help of someone who can calculate. And David can use his trusty telescope "Zeus," which he talks to. Zeus says the meteor is approaching at 182,000 k/m is ten km in diameter and will arrive in the solar system in 204 days. [I don't with the math. Your Summarizer apologizes.]

"Wow," the entire class says. David declines to ask Zeus in front of the kids if the meteor will hit earth.



Moon People Summary Chapter 3, The Unknown

After a pointless chapter break David and little Billy are still arguing about asking Zeus about earth's fate. Finally David gives in and has the students "pledge to this class and to God that you will not tell anyone." Zeus says the meteor will hit the sun. [We are not told if the sun would care.]

David calls back NASA and, after pleasantries, Bud Walker gets down to business and wants a commitment. David says he'll find a substitute and come right now. And without a paragraph break he is "heading out to NASA" and has arrived at the gate. Boy, NASA has gotten bigger than he thought. "David then found Bud walkers office and went in."

David insists on being told the vague stuff and Bud says, well, the meteor has changed course twice. It's either running into things we can't see or it's an alien spaceship. Possibly it's heading toward the sun as a way of navigating to our solar system a 135 million light years away. David is introduced to his new assistant Mr. Kim Moon. David is put in "charge of all operations on the meteor."

[Your summarizer would like the reader to know that, for comparison, the Milky Way Galaxy is 105,700 light years across.]



Moon People Summary Chapter 4, The Job Offer

Bud tells everyone David is their new boss and departs. David gets a summary from Kim and as they are watching the "best telescope system in the world" there is as flash of light and the meteor vanishes. After system checks and zooming in, the meteor still isn't located.

At this point we switch to a new dialog format: Well maybe we don't have to worry about the meteor any more. (David) Wow maybe. (Kim) Let's keep after it and do some more studies. Wait did you see that? (David) ...

There is a second flash of light on same the trajectory [summarizer's word!] of the meteor, but if it were the meteor it would be going 300,000 miles an hour now. David informs Bud of the situation. Bud says, "I just left you 5 minutes ago. Man there's all kind of stuff happening today."

Bud informs David that the White House called and they want the Lunar Bases loaded with full crew and supplies and he wants to make David the "1st Science Officer and navigator, and also a astronomer for USS Lunar Base I."



Moon People Summary Chapter 5, The Big One

We continue with the new dialog format: Keep me informed could yeah. (David) It would be my pleasure sir. (Bud) I'll catch you later. (David) Yes, sir I'll keep you informed and I'll let you know about the job to.

When asked what Bud said about the meteor, David replies that he couldn't believe it. Also he's going to make David First Science Officer. But David needs to think about the offer.

The team chats for a bit until Bud calls. The press is all over him and he needs something to tell them. David tells him the meteor has not reappeared and maybe he should tell everyone that. Bud says he will and he'll call in the next 2 days about the answer to the job offer.

David leaves. He's got a lot to think about, and do. "Man being a Captain on a base station would be really cool." He decides to take the job because his students would think it was cool and the pay would be good. He decides to eat his sandwich and go back to school where he turns on Zeus again so he can use it to stare in to space in deep thought.

The next morning David headed over to Cheral's restaurant. He tells Cheral everything that happened and that he's considering taking the job. Cheral tells him to follow his gut and David says his gut is telling him to do it. Oh, and Cheral will bring David's regular order, 222.



Moon People Summary Chapter 6, The Crew

David reads the paper and eats his breakfast. He reminds Cheral about their date and heads to work. Kim tells him there have been no more flashes of light or "our alarm would have went off." [so apparently no one stayed late to watch is what they're saying here] David tells his team he's going to take the job on Lunar Base 1 and his only concern is the launch will be on Halloween. Also, it's a ten year commitment.

David calls Bud and Bud says, great, you have a great crew and you should talk to your new boss, Admiral Benson. Kim offers to show David his new home using the computer. The Lunar Base is like a small city including a "couple of bars and also a couple of shopping malls. A basket Ball court. There is even a small farm on board." Also the ships and their shuttles have weapons, a laser, missiles and rockets. Also it is nicely decorated and classy looking.

"All of a sudden, the phone rings." [I have to tell you that comma is a rare bird and to appear after all "of a sudden" is just golden.] It's Admiral Benson and as soon as Bud told him about David, he had to call right away. Orders from the White House mean they need to get moving. Your shuttle leaves Monday. You did know that's Halloween? Benson asks. Also, Benson is on that flight with David. "(Benson) I'll show you wonders you always dreamed about."

David can't believe how fast things are happening in his life. Kim comes over and asks if he's changing his mind.



Moon People Summary Chapter 7, Fate Steps In

David tells Kim, no, he's not changing his mind. He's going to do it. They talk some. David literally says, you only live once.

David goes on a bit about his father and the pay being high for a Captain. He then asks if there have been more flashes. Weird how it just vanished like that.

David goes on about how Lunar Base 1 has more room that he expected and even comes apart into three different sections incase there is damage. Then David leaves NASA for the day since the day is over. [I didn't leave anything out I swear.]

Another quick sandwich and then bed. Bud calls first thing in the morning and tells him to take the day off to get ready to leave. David hangs up and goes to breakfast at Cheral's. They decide their date should be at Red Lobster in Daytona, but in the meantime, does David want his usual 222?

Cheral sits down with David as he is finishing his perfect breakfast. He tells her he's departing real quick, on Sunday Morning, Halloween. Wow, that is quick, Cheral agrees.


===================== Episode II =========================


Moon People Summary Chapter 8, Saying Good-Bye

(Your summarizer only brought herself to do this because the 372 Pages podcast is a week late and she's in withdrawal.)

The chapter opens with "Then David said," in screaming defiance of the concept of chapter breaks. [On the other hand, this would be a perfectly wonderful opening to a New Yorker short story so I'm in conflict.] Sentence two of chapter 8 also begins with "Then David said,".

David waxes on to his ladyfriend in wonderment that he's going to be on the base station by Monday. Cheral tells him he's "going to be like Spok on Star Trek."

David heads off to school to say goodbye to everyone. Little Billy says "you're going to be like Spok on Star Trek." Again, David worries aloud about his 0900 launch being on Halloween. Billy wants to go along. David "had a big smile on his face" as he tells him maybe someday. Without a paragraph break David is picking up Cheral for their big Red Lobster night. There are lamentations over how long David will be gone. They "kiss passionately for about a minute and then stopped."



Moon People Summary Chapter 9, The Shuttle Launch

Cheral and David are still mid-snog, thinking about what they've been missing in their lives. David invites Cheral to his house and they "make passionate love for a very long time." Next morning they wake up "starring at each other with big smiles on each of their faces." David laments leaving everything behind. Cheral finds a replacement for her shift and they make sexy look love some more.

David is now very tired. From the lovemaking. He will remind us of this a few more times. Before he leaves, he kisses Cheral passionately for about 5 minutes. She calls him her rocket man. Without a paragraph break, David is checked out by Doctor Blues at NASA. He's given tests, a psychotherapists session, he watches a little TV.

Next morning he puts on his captain's uniform and admires himself in the mirror. NASA puts him in a spacesuit. There is a literal countdown and David is so nervous he keeps distracting the shuttle captain asking if everyone is all right.

There is 4 G's of force and then they leave Earth's atmosphere and it is smooth sailing. Lunar Base 1 comes into view, 1 mile in diameter and 2 miles long. They are hailed by the Base.



Moon People Summary Chapter 10, Happy Halloween

The shuttle "Eagle" responds to the Base and they head over to docking bay number 4 as directed. The base station resembles a small city and the lighting in space is awesome. After some delay they leave the shuttle and are on the Base. David gives his first salute to the station's second in command, Mark Craft. They discuss the ride up.

Lt. Heather Courtney is assigned to show David around. She tells him they have it all, shopping, restaurants, the best observatories around. They don't have livestock, just powdered milks and powdered eggs. David's quarters are D section room 101. It's "just like any other apartment on Earth and some are very elaborate, yours is like medium to elaborate." David thinks his quarters are very nice.

They discuss waste recovery and Lt. Courtney warns David that the gravity sometimes stops for a few seconds, so everything has velcro and lids. And some parts of the ship always have less gravity so you can have fun like superman. There are sometimes minor injuries due to the gravity failing, because it happens at night. But you will get the best sleep you ever had. But also some people get space sickness.

They also have a fully staffed hospital, several gyms "on board all over the ship". To use the comm in the room you say the location you want and then pause. And you can set the ring tone to one of 1000 options. Oh and here is your communicator badge to wear. To talk to the computer, say "computer" and pause. And they even have an Olympic sized swimming pool that doubles as the reservoir. Yes, there is a lot of neat stuff on board.

Lt. Courtney makes sure David can find his briefing room and admonishes him that there is no such thing as evening in space. She leaves then suddenly calls him on his badge communicator, which makes the loud sound of a navy whistle, to remind him of his briefing again and that he should "distress" before his meeting, and that he can get a sleep aid via the mailbox by the front door of his quarters. The system works "on air" because "pneumatic" is very much a reach too far for this book.

David takes a nap until his briefing because hell, he's got nothing else important to be doing, what with him knowing zero about his job and all and him being in space where one mistake could cost everyone their lives. Anyway, he naps and wakes up and says "computer" to which the computer says "working" to which he says "computer turn off the alarm." Actually, how that's actually written is: (David) Computer (Computer) Working. (David) Computer turn off the Alarm.

David heads down to the briefing and Admiral Benson gets up and introduces himself as the commanding officer here on Lunar Base 1.



[TRUNCATED See comments for rest of summary]

[Preetam Chatterjee · Rating 1 out of 5]

মানুষের মাঝে মাঝে ভীমরতি ধরে। স্রেফ প্রবল আবেগে মূঢ়সঙ্গম করার অন্তর্নিহিত তাগিদও বলা যায়।

একটি বই ঠিক কোন কোন কারণে জনমোহিনী হয়ে ওঠে তা সম্পর্কে যুগে যুগে পন্ডিতগণ নানাবিধ মতামত পেশ করেছেন। কিন্তু ওই যে প্রবল আবেগে মূঢ়সঙ্গম করার অন্তর্নিহিত তাগিদ !! সেই চুলকানি এড়ানো বেদম চাপের জিনিস।

এবং তার চাইতেও বৃহৎ মূর্খামি হচ্ছে ওই Reading Challenge বা Shared Reading নামক বস্তু।

আমার চাইতে প্রায় চতুর্দশ বৎসরের জুনিয়ার আমার বোনের পাল্লায় পড়ে কেন যে এই অলপ্পেয়ে বইটি হাতে নিয়েছিলুম আজ দুপুরে, নবী নিজেই জানেন।

এর চেয়ে নিকৃষ্ট ও কদর্য, ঘৃণ্য ও নীচ, detestable; repugnant এবং filthy ব্যাকরণ সমৃদ্ধ বই জীবনে পড়িনি।

লেখকের পশ্চাদ্দেশে সজোরে পদাঘাত করলুম। করাঘাত করলুম নিজের পোড়া কপালেও ওয়াড়া।

[Steve Alspach · Rating 1 out of 5]

As Plan 9 from Outer Space is to the cinema, and the Shaggs' Philosophy of the World is to music, so Moon People is to literature. If you expect quality in your reading material, steer clear of this one. If you like "so bad it's good," this will be right up your alley.

First off, hats off to Dale Courtney. He did write a book. The closest I ever came was my Master's thesis, and it was only 50 pages. So, I'm hesitant to slag anyone's attempt at writing. God love ya, Dale.

But EESH! I don't even know where to begin here. Moon People is a mercifully short 69 pages. The book feels like an 11-year-old kid's first attempt at creative writing. (And perhaps it was, turned in as an English class assignment and returned with "C-. Longer is not better. See me" from the teacher.) Apparently the apostrophe key petered out after some 30 pages, hence the lack of quotation marks, Courtney instead placing the speaker's name in parentheses before dialog. (This also makes it difficult to discern when the character stops speaking and the storyline prose begins.) There is no rhyme or reason to when chapters stop and start. It feels as though the research for the book came from watching several episodes of Star Trek. Misspellings abound, though Courtney is consistent ("coarse" for "course" throughout). I understand that self-publishing can be extremely expensive, but if your budget doesn't allow to hire a copy editor, then you may want to re-think this whole self-publishing idea.

So the story? Such as it is, it involves David Braymer, a high-school teacher of science and astrology (yes, astrology), who joins up with Nasa (sic), takes his protein pills, puts his helmet on, and zings up to his new digs - a one-bedroom apartment in a space station that is also kitted out with stores for shopping, in case you get the urge to blow out your MasterCard on the weekend. Eventually the space ship encounters a new race who have been observing earthlings for the previous 50 years by watching our TV shows. The meeting of the two races goes well, the aliens apparently having skipped over "Viva Laughlin" and The Learning Channel, and they bond over asparagus and baked potatoes. (Seriously.) What other adventures await? Moon People is part of a trilogy, as is most SF these days, so you'll have to find out with books 2 and 3.

Jazz pianist Carla Bley, no stranger to the strange, said of the aforementioned Shaggs, "They bring my mind to a complete halt." Moon People did the same for me. I can't start that new Richard Ford soon enough.

[Alan Smithee · Rating 1 out of 5]

This story is about Alan Smithee. He went to read a book called "Moon People" by famous writer Dale M. Courtney. Then he sat down and red the bokk. It was written at a 3rd grade level and was very bad and awful. Then Alan got up and went to his tool box and got a hammer. Then he lifted the hammer over his head. Then Satan appeared. (Satan) Stop Alan I don't want your soul it is too yucky. (Alan) Well I don't want to live after reading this teeth-grindingly stupid book. (Satan) Well too bad you'll just have to wait. When Satan had gone Alan put away the hammer. Then Alan made a sandwich and ate it. It wasn't very good.

[Terrible Book Club · Rating 1 out of 5]

In Episode 014 - Moon People by Dale Courtney,
the English language is warped and twisted by the vacuum of space that is Dale M. Courtney's 'writing'. This is a very expensive short story written in the style of a child running through a park and shouting about each thing it sees. Actually, that would probably be far more entertaining and descriptive than this awful piece of literary sewage.

Thanks to fellow terrible book lover Daniel Canady for recommending Moon People!

[Anita]

I have never gotten so much enjoyment out of 80 pages in my whole life. The "Plan 9 from Outer Space" of literature.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a good book, but it is enjoyable and didn't overstay it's welcome.

[Hannah Calei · Rating 1 out of 5]

So...I kind of did this as a quarantine challenge because I am *that* bored. I truly do not feel like this is a book, rather, it is more of a bunch of words strung together into passages that make me feel very dizzy. I am not sure what else to say. Welllll...at least I tried?

[Stephen Gower · Rating 5 out of 5]

Typos and poor grammar aside, it's clear that Dale M. Courtney actually *did* put some thought into this book and tried to build his own sci-fi world. It could have been written better; it could have been edited properly; but it was fun to read. This is primarily why I'm giving it 5 stars. It was a very short read (less than 100 pages, and several of those are repeats of the author biography/dedication/book summary), and once you figured out his writing style it was easy enough to decipher. It's like when you have a word where you re-arrange two of the letters, but you still read it the same way because your brain reads it correctly.

Anyway, this is definitely not for everyone. And if you're looking for a serious read, stay far, far away from Moon People.

[Michael · Rating 1 out of 5]

(This was a shared read-aloud with Donald-- another excellent 372-Pages bookclub-podcast selection!)

Wow. I have to give it a one-star rating based on its complete lack of literary merit, ignorance (or arrogant dismissal?) of basic rules of grammar, printer-paper characters (cardboard has some substance to it, so "cardboard cut-outs" was too generous), water-thin plotting, etc.

BUT.
I say, BUT!
I have to admit that I enjoyed this book significantly more than several other books we've read for 372-Pages. The entertainment value is there!

It all comes down to what you're looking for in a book. If you need a laugh, give it a go (and check out the podcast linked above).

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go whip up some delicious stemage for supper.

[Scott · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got distinct Dwight David Thrash vibes from this, with the complete lack of normal grammar and weird attention to unimportant, boring details.

That said, it was more entertaining than 64 Squares in that there was something resembling a plot. It wasn't a good plot, it read like a 4th grader telling a story ("....and then NASA came to my house begging me to go to space and save the world" kind of wish fulfillment stories). It was earnest, but still incredibly stupid.

At least it was short, because the complete lack of quotation marks and paragraph breaks was so unhinged it was really starting to affect me.