Silver Spoon Kids: How Successful Parents Raise Responsible Children

by Eileen Gallo

A parent's guide to raising financially responsible children in an age of unprecedented wealth

It is natural as parents that we want to give our children the best of everything. And in an age of unprecedented wealth and easy credit, upper- and middle-income parents can indulge that urge like never before. Yet, you have become alarmed over the impact this newfound affluence may be having on your children. You fear that through your generosity you are training your children to be greedy, selfish spendthrifts. The first parenting guide to focus exclusively on this increasingly sensitive topic, Silver Spoon Kids was coauthored by a psychotherapist who counsels people with money-related emotional problems and a lawyer specializing in estate planning.

Drawing upon their experiences as members of the renowned NYU Family Wealth Institute, they tell you how to talk to kids about money, how to teach them to handle it responsibly, and how to instill in your kids a sense of giving to their communities.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Business

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 28, 2001

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cover tag lines are "communicating about money in healthy ways," "teaching strong values and compassion," and "preventing a feeling of entitlement." Written by a psychotherapist and an estate-planning attorney about how affluent parents can help their children develop a healthy relationship with money, it was published in 2002, pre-recession, and it occasionally seems amusingly dated in its take on the American psyche related to credit, real estate, etc. Nonetheless, I applaud the four basic recommendations the authors set out: 1. Understand the theoretical underpinnings of human psychological development, 2. Live your values, 3. Teach your child about money through word and deed, and 4. Raise a giver rather than a getter. It's a good read for any middle class and richer parents wanting to clarify their plans for teaching their children about money. (They tailor their advice for children pre-school through young adult.) It was nice to see we are already following the authors' recommendations that are applicable to our situation. There were chapters on trust funds and family foundations that were interesting to me because they are far out of the rhelm of anything we have the money to consider! I read this because a financial planner we worked with for the last year wanted my take, particularly on the diversity chapter. She knows I highly value the exposure to Durham's diversity my children experience by going to public schools. This book was more geared toward family philanthropy, giving both time and money, as a way to expose sheltered children to folks with less money. I chaffed a bit. Building a Habitat house with the family who will live there is great, but it doesn't really compare in my mind with the daily exposure on equal footing school provides.

[Justus · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are lots of parenting books out there but very few that deal specifically with affluent parents who fear turning their children into stereotypical spoiled trust fund kids. I was disappointed with this one because it spent a lot of time in very high-level theoretical talk and not nearly as much in the nitty gritty details. For instance, the first several chapters are all about helping you figure out your relationship to money. Which, okay, I agree that's something that needs to happen. It just wasn't especially relevant for me. I was hoping to see more things like: giving young children chores around the house is a very typical thing to start building responsibility. But how you have that conversation when you have a maid/nanny/chef/driver/etc that do those things? "You need to clean your room, even though we don't clean our rooms. You need to do the dishes even though usually the maid does them." It obviously isn't an insurmountable problem but those are the kinds of things I was hoping to see this book spend more time on.

But most of the advice boils down to: communicate with your children. Which is true and obviously lots of people don't do that, especially around money. We often hide that from our children; they still learn by osmosis and observation. But it hardly feels like the kind of revelation I was hoping to get from this book.

One section that sticks out about charitable giving is that much of it is hidden to children, especially younger children. Which is even more true nowadays if you have some kind of automated transfer going on. If you have a paycheck withdrawal going to fund mosquito nets in Africa....how often does a conversation about that come up around the house? You might think giving is extremely important; you might even be giving a lot of money (either relatively or absolutely); but it isn't exactly part of daily life the way some other uses of money are. So you need to be more intentional about making it part of raising your children.

[Kaycee Walton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave me a lot to think about, and overall I liked it. I wasn't raised in an affluent family, and am raising children in a very different paradigm from my own upbringing. I appreciated the first portion of the book, which discusses one's own money-related behaviors, and it's sparked great conversations with my spouse and friends.

Unfortunately, the book is outdated (2002), with many quaint references to a bygone era (CDs, movie rental stores). I'll have to search for a more current take on these topics in the context of modern parenting challenges (social media, extreme materialism, cell phones, etc etc).

It's a relatively quick read (and probably could have even been a bit shorter, IMO), but shortcomings aside, I think it's worth a look!

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read for affluent parents who want to raise socially, and fiscally, responsible children. Key topics include modeling responsible money behaviors, holding open conversations on finances, philanthropy, and estate planning.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is definitely worth checking out of the library, no matter how much money you make. Though some parts were irrelevant (trust funds? what?), it made some excellent points, such as our values about money are often the opposite of how we actually act with money, and thus our values and beliefs about money don't get passed down to our kids. I see this in my own life: my kids are young and they accompany me while I shop all the time, yet I usually pay bills online while they are asleep, so they never see that aspect of finances. A good book to help you articulate and teach your values to your kids.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was just a disappointment. I would have given it one star but there were a couple ideas that were worth remembering. So I gave it two stars for at least approaching the subject of teaching your children about wealth (should be more books in the area). Most of the ideas are sheer common sense but the author does make a couple interesting points in regards to allowances. Overall, probably not the best book to read on the subject--seemed like they were just trying to fill space.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting ideas of how to raise kids who don't have a sense of entitlement to everything you own. Also helps you to discuss money and its possibilities with kids at different age appropriate levels.

[Shayne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good ideas here. Recommended even if you're not particularly rich.

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Always good to remember that kids need to be taught more than academics to be successful in life. Bit of a snooze read though.

[Albert Sun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed it good information about establishing some clear miney values.

[F · Rating 3 out of 5]

This topic is top of mind for me. I was hoping it would have more practical tactics.

[Neil Doherty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful for raising financially responsible young people.

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

wear, srickers on cover; binding starting to crack inside front cover.