What do you think?
Rate this book
The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life
It's easy to identify rage in people who lose their temper at traffic jams, unruly children, unresponsive coworkers, and unrealistic bosses. But we may not recognize more subtle manifestations of anger, such as being uncomfortable with loose ends, acting impatiently, or being overly critical. That is anger, too. And, as is so often the case, angry folks don't seem to realize that the behavior causing them problems at home or at work actually stems from unrecognized and unresolved pain and emotional injuries from the past. Is all this negative emotion inevitable, or are there choices about how to respond, choices that can improve personal relationships as well as emotional health? The Anger Trap is a landmark book that strips away the myths and misconceptions about anger and reveals how you can learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy anger so that you may choose—or help someone else to choose—a better, more spiritually enlightened path. The Anger Trap examines the root causes of anger and can help you realize your patterns and break the destructive cycles of criticism, frustration, and irritation that hurt you and others around you. Drawing insight from timeless spiritual wisdom as well as cutting-edge research, Dr. Carter offers practical techniques to free you from anger, its hidden insecurities, fears, and selfishness and thereby improve the quality of your home and workplace life. The book clearly illustrates how the change process works and The Anger Trap is filled with real-life examples of the ways people have come to terms with their anger by applying the concepts Dr. Carter outlines.
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2003
272 people are currently reading
975 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
September 8, 2009
I often have an uptight and anxious personality and I have a need to make sense of every little thing. These types of qualities have led me to get very frustrated or angry when things don't go as planned or if there's some kind of miscommunication. I really related to all the different causes of anger stated in this book and I found the advice very helpful. I often feel anger out of fear or feeling a lack of control. In the heat of the moment I tend to forget people are people and make mistakes and have their own emotions; I treat people as "logic machines." I need to learn to control my actions better and to deal with problems assertively yet respectfully.
I am also very interested in learning to forgive people as a means of healing and getting past difficult events. I have post traumatic stress disorder and have gone through some traumatic more recent interpersonal problems; obsessing about them does me no good. Sometimes I think I've forgiven someone and then a bad event happens (internally or externally) and I get angry all over again. I have to learn to put things to rest and demonstrate the qualities I want associated with me -- not the anger, disrespect, and cruelty.
I am also very interested in learning to forgive people as a means of healing and getting past difficult events. I have post traumatic stress disorder and have gone through some traumatic more recent interpersonal problems; obsessing about them does me no good. Sometimes I think I've forgiven someone and then a bad event happens (internally or externally) and I get angry all over again. I have to learn to put things to rest and demonstrate the qualities I want associated with me -- not the anger, disrespect, and cruelty.
January 10, 2021
Beware atheist. The book has some great ideas regarding anger, however the author, randomly throws in religious references which do not add to the ideas he’s expressing. It’s peculiar considering this is a PhD educated man and the religious references add nothing of value to the topic and I would argue, diminish the value of his ideas. The problem with this is when I am reading his theories regarding anger, and they all appear to make logical sense, I then encounter a subsequent sentence regarding religion, which then has me questioning his ideas. I’m not sure why this subset of books (anger, boundaries) make authors feel the need to include religion, since it’s a turn off. If anyone knows of any books that discuss anger without bringing up religion I would gladly take suggestions. I’ve already read the Dance of Anger and although it had some valuable information, I feel that I got more out of The Anger Trap then I did from that book. Without the religion references, I would probably have given it 5 stars. I tried really hard to look past them, but it was a burden. If you are religious you will probably love this book.
October 9, 2011
This book changed my life. I want to read it over and over - the ideas are so clear and helpful. I've been trying for years to be less angry and not model bad anger to my children. This book helped in my relationship with my husband, children and even friends in general.
September 15, 2012
Rating: 4/5 stars for general helpfulness, ease of reading, lack of redundancy, and good content.
Dr. Les Carter’s "The Anger Trap" is definitely a self-help kind of book, written for the masses and easily digestible. If you read through it like I did, about a chapter or two at a time, you can finish it in about two weeks. If you plow through it with some concentrated reading, I’d say a few days could be all you need. At any rate, if you have ever struggled with your anger, or someone else’s anger in the past, then I would suggest you read this book. If you think that you never have a problem with your anger, then I definitely suggest that you read this book.
One of the great things that Dr. Carter does is to explore the different sources of anger, and the different ways it is expressed. Did you know that there are actually three main ways we can create a negative outlet for our anger? According to the author, we can be suppressors (never letting our anger show; swallowing it up and acting like nothing bothered us), open-aggressors (this is basically like what we picture as stereotypical anger; vein popping, teeth bared, dagger-staring anger!), or passive-aggressors (and we all know what this looks like; the cold shoulder, the slammed door, the quiet revenge). Because I had never thought of anger-suppression as an emotional mismanagement, I never saw myself as having an anger problem, because I definitely favor that style. What Carter illustrates is that mismanaged anger, even if we keep it buried, can still be damaging; it poisons the emotional well, as it were.
He goes on to talk about why we feel angry, and does a pretty nice job of demonstrating the positive qualities of being upset. Now, there’s something that threw me – being angry can be a good thing? That’s crazy! But in reality, we feel angry when we perceive some kind of threat to our well being, self worth, or a conviction/value that is important to us. It’s a defensive emotion that enables us to protect ourselves. When you look at anger that way (healthy anger, anyways) suddenly expressing your anger rather than subverting it becomes a good thing. For a people-pleaser like me, that was something huge to understand. However, Carter also talks about how to communicate anger in a healthy way, using a mixture of assertiveness and kindness.
The book clearly comes from a Cognitive-Behavioral perspective and also includes Adlerian concepts of family training that I appreciate. When it comes to anger management, the CBT techniques detailed in the book are very helpful and I think necessary; it’s a concrete approach that helps you to trouble shoot and create some mindfulness in how you interact with other people, particularly those that can push your hot-buttons! However, in exploring family of origin and the learned process of anger management, Carter really shines because he goes to the root of the issue and helps you to work on creating change from that point, which in my opinion makes the lessons learned more likely to stick.
At the end of each chapter is a set of thought-questions that you can answer, journal style or in your head (like I did) to get you thinking and to help the messages sink in. This contributes to the hands-on, self-help appeal of the book. As the book progresses, the content shifts from understanding where our anger comes from and how it is mismanaged, to strategies for appropriately expressing anger and managing it in a prosocial, adaptive way. One additional strength of Carter’s is the use of real people and real stories throughout the chapters that we revisit as we go from understanding anger to managing it. By examining other people as they process their life circumstances, it becomes easy to see how it can take place or be frustrated in your own. The positive management portion of the book goes into great detail regarding equality, respect (towards self and others), forgiveness, free will, and insecurities. Carter make great arguments for orienting ourselves around these concepts, as well as practical advice for how to do so.
In closing, I believe that The Anger Trap is a book that any person can benefit from, whether they believe they have an anger problem or not. This book makes it clear that just because you don’t explode at people on a regular basis, it does not mean that you are managing your own anger. Usually even the most composed individual finds themselves being manipulated by their anger, rather than the other way around. In closing, I suggest you, whoever you are, give this book a try. At worst, you’ll discover some interesting things about how emotions work. At best, I think you’ll find some ways to reinvigorate and refresh your personal life, possibly with long lasting changes.
Dr. Les Carter’s "The Anger Trap" is definitely a self-help kind of book, written for the masses and easily digestible. If you read through it like I did, about a chapter or two at a time, you can finish it in about two weeks. If you plow through it with some concentrated reading, I’d say a few days could be all you need. At any rate, if you have ever struggled with your anger, or someone else’s anger in the past, then I would suggest you read this book. If you think that you never have a problem with your anger, then I definitely suggest that you read this book.
One of the great things that Dr. Carter does is to explore the different sources of anger, and the different ways it is expressed. Did you know that there are actually three main ways we can create a negative outlet for our anger? According to the author, we can be suppressors (never letting our anger show; swallowing it up and acting like nothing bothered us), open-aggressors (this is basically like what we picture as stereotypical anger; vein popping, teeth bared, dagger-staring anger!), or passive-aggressors (and we all know what this looks like; the cold shoulder, the slammed door, the quiet revenge). Because I had never thought of anger-suppression as an emotional mismanagement, I never saw myself as having an anger problem, because I definitely favor that style. What Carter illustrates is that mismanaged anger, even if we keep it buried, can still be damaging; it poisons the emotional well, as it were.
He goes on to talk about why we feel angry, and does a pretty nice job of demonstrating the positive qualities of being upset. Now, there’s something that threw me – being angry can be a good thing? That’s crazy! But in reality, we feel angry when we perceive some kind of threat to our well being, self worth, or a conviction/value that is important to us. It’s a defensive emotion that enables us to protect ourselves. When you look at anger that way (healthy anger, anyways) suddenly expressing your anger rather than subverting it becomes a good thing. For a people-pleaser like me, that was something huge to understand. However, Carter also talks about how to communicate anger in a healthy way, using a mixture of assertiveness and kindness.
The book clearly comes from a Cognitive-Behavioral perspective and also includes Adlerian concepts of family training that I appreciate. When it comes to anger management, the CBT techniques detailed in the book are very helpful and I think necessary; it’s a concrete approach that helps you to trouble shoot and create some mindfulness in how you interact with other people, particularly those that can push your hot-buttons! However, in exploring family of origin and the learned process of anger management, Carter really shines because he goes to the root of the issue and helps you to work on creating change from that point, which in my opinion makes the lessons learned more likely to stick.
At the end of each chapter is a set of thought-questions that you can answer, journal style or in your head (like I did) to get you thinking and to help the messages sink in. This contributes to the hands-on, self-help appeal of the book. As the book progresses, the content shifts from understanding where our anger comes from and how it is mismanaged, to strategies for appropriately expressing anger and managing it in a prosocial, adaptive way. One additional strength of Carter’s is the use of real people and real stories throughout the chapters that we revisit as we go from understanding anger to managing it. By examining other people as they process their life circumstances, it becomes easy to see how it can take place or be frustrated in your own. The positive management portion of the book goes into great detail regarding equality, respect (towards self and others), forgiveness, free will, and insecurities. Carter make great arguments for orienting ourselves around these concepts, as well as practical advice for how to do so.
In closing, I believe that The Anger Trap is a book that any person can benefit from, whether they believe they have an anger problem or not. This book makes it clear that just because you don’t explode at people on a regular basis, it does not mean that you are managing your own anger. Usually even the most composed individual finds themselves being manipulated by their anger, rather than the other way around. In closing, I suggest you, whoever you are, give this book a try. At worst, you’ll discover some interesting things about how emotions work. At best, I think you’ll find some ways to reinvigorate and refresh your personal life, possibly with long lasting changes.
February 6, 2018
I recommend this book all over the place! Life changing!
Read
December 2, 2022the first book I’ve ever dnf’ed
10%
10%
February 22, 2017
Cuốn sách về tâm lý thứ hai và cũng là cuốn thứ hai về CƠN GIẬN.
Giận. Giờ mọi người có phải đang rất dễ nổi giận? Quệt xe ngoài đường một cái, ai đó giận lên, mặt đỏ tai tía, quát vào mặt nhau như tát nước, quá đà lại "chân giơ hơi cao" với nhau. Thằng bé biếng ăn, nhai chậm không chịu ăn cho xong thìa cơm, ai đó giận lên, lại cầm dép quật vào đầu em vậy thì còn gì là "măng non"? Ngồi nhậu, trời thì nóng, bia rượu thì mát mẻ gì cho cam, mời nhau kêu "thôi em xin kiếu", "ơ mày lại không nể anh", ai đó giận lên, sẵn con dao và ... Trận bóng, phạt đền oan, nghi bị xử ép, ai đó giận lên, bỏ, éo đá nữa, kệ bố khán giả, cho tràn ly. Bơi dưới biển dính độc của nhà máy xyz nào đó, lâu ngày nóng trong người mà không uống Dr. Thanh, con cá nào đó giận quá, cắn cáp.
Khi đọc cuốn sách này, với một đứa cục súc và hay nổi nóng như tôi, thì đây không khác gì một quan tòa vạch trần trụi mọi thứ sâu thẳm trong tâm hồn của tên tù nhân lương-tâm. Cơn giận và những kí ức liên quan cứ như những củ hành tây tròn chĩnh đợi người đầu bếp lột vỏ, bóc từng khoanh ngoài cùng dần vào trong.
Ai trong cuộc sống mà không một lần nổi nóng, dù với người tưởng như là hiền lành nhất. Ai trong đời mà không một lần cãi lời cha mẹ và vang lên trong đầu câu "Chả ai hiểu cho con". Ai trong đời mà không một lần buông lời mạt sát người yêu khi người ấy không đáp ứng lại nguyện vọng của mình và buông lời trách móc "Có ai chịu lắng nghe tôi không? Tôi đã làm gì mà phải bị đối xử thế này"... và còn nhiều những "ai trong đời mà không một lần" khác nữa. Và cuốn sách này, thâu tóm, liệt kê và phân tích gần như những cái "không một lần" ấy qua kiến thức, góc nhìn tâm lý học với những kiến giải khoa học để đưa ra những biện pháp, trị liệu phù hợp với hy vọng giúp cho người khác có thể tìm được những hướng đi, những sự lựa chọn thích hợp, đúng đắn và tránh rơi vào CÁI BẪY CỦA CƠN GIẬN đã xảy ra quá thường xuyên để rồi ảnh hưởng tiêu cực tới cuộc sống của họ. Đây là điều khiến cho tôi cảm thấy mình trở nên trần trụi trước những "bản án" của những dòng chữ trong cuốn sách này lên-tiếng.
Tôi trước đó cũng có đọc cuốn "Giận" của tác giả Thích Nhất Hạnh, cũng chung chủ đề hóa giải cơn giận. Trong khi "Giận" hướng con người "bao bọc, ôm ấp cơn giận" như người mẹ ôm con, và hướng dẫn thêm các giải pháp cho tinh thần như để ý hơi thở, để ý các bước chân nhằm giải quyết các cơn nộ khí, thì "Cái bẫy của cơn giận" của Les Carter nhìn cơn giận với góc nhìn tâm lý học - khoa học và các giải pháp thực tiễn hơn như khi cãi nhau thì thời điểm nào là nên kiềm chế, lúc ấy cần đặt ra câu hỏi gì để bình tĩnh, tự vấn bản thân bằng các câu hỏi cụ thể về bản thân và ý nghĩa của cơn giận, các phương pháp thực hành ngoài đời như thế nào để dần chuyển hóa cơn giận tiêu cực thành cơn giận tích cực, hay các đoạn phân tích tính cách nào cần có để hóa giải cơn giận, tích cách nào không nên giữ để tránh việc cơn giận âm ỉ tồn tại ... Điểm chung duy nhất mà hai cuốn sách này nói tới chính là: trong mỗi người, không thể nào không tồn tại cơn giận vì nó luôn là một trong những cảm xúc chủ đạo, quan trọng là chúng ta để cho nó kiểm soát bản thân mình hay mình sẽ kiểm soát nó. Nói tới đây, bộ phim hoạt hình Inside Out hiện ra, và đó không chỉ đơn thuần là một bộ phim hoạt hình cho trẻ em, mà sẽ là một tư liệu đáng quý cho những ai muốn xem nó dưới góc độ tâm lý học, góc nhìn tìm hiểu về cách con người tương tác với mình-bên-trong.
Tôi cũng có khá nhiều cái "mở mắt" trong khi đọc cuốn sách này. Ví dụ như việc lý giải tính di truyền trong gia đình của cơn giận. Người ta có câu "cha mẹ sinh con trời sinh tánh". Nhưng chắc chắn tính cách nào cha mẹ bộc lộ ở nhà, đứa con không 10 thì 7 phần nó hấp thụ đủ vô tâm hồn. Một đoạn trích trong sách:
Hay cơn giận còn được chia thành ba loại và mỗi loại có những đặc điểm nhận diện và tác hại khác nhau. Tôi thì tôi thấy có cả ba luôn. Đau khổ ! Và vô vàn những kiến thức liên quan tới cơn giận sẽ chờ bạn tìm tới.
Điểm trừ duy nhất gây khó khăn cho mình trong việc giữ nhịp đọc liên tục cuốn sách này chính là việc chuyển ngữ của dịch giả. Có những đoạn sẽ được dịch rất nuột nà, trơn tru nhưng sau đó lại có những đoạn mà câu cú cứ lủng củng, không thoát ý và mang lại cho cá nhân mình cảm tưởng có sự can thiệp của google translate hay có sự can thiệp của nhiều người dịch mà không hiểu ý nhau vậy ấy.
Giận. Giờ mọi người có phải đang rất dễ nổi giận? Quệt xe ngoài đường một cái, ai đó giận lên, mặt đỏ tai tía, quát vào mặt nhau như tát nước, quá đà lại "chân giơ hơi cao" với nhau. Thằng bé biếng ăn, nhai chậm không chịu ăn cho xong thìa cơm, ai đó giận lên, lại cầm dép quật vào đầu em vậy thì còn gì là "măng non"? Ngồi nhậu, trời thì nóng, bia rượu thì mát mẻ gì cho cam, mời nhau kêu "thôi em xin kiếu", "ơ mày lại không nể anh", ai đó giận lên, sẵn con dao và ... Trận bóng, phạt đền oan, nghi bị xử ép, ai đó giận lên, bỏ, éo đá nữa, kệ bố khán giả, cho tràn ly. Bơi dưới biển dính độc của nhà máy xyz nào đó, lâu ngày nóng trong người mà không uống Dr. Thanh, con cá nào đó giận quá, cắn cáp.
Khi đọc cuốn sách này, với một đứa cục súc và hay nổi nóng như tôi, thì đây không khác gì một quan tòa vạch trần trụi mọi thứ sâu thẳm trong tâm hồn của tên tù nhân lương-tâm. Cơn giận và những kí ức liên quan cứ như những củ hành tây tròn chĩnh đợi người đầu bếp lột vỏ, bóc từng khoanh ngoài cùng dần vào trong.
Ai trong cuộc sống mà không một lần nổi nóng, dù với người tưởng như là hiền lành nhất. Ai trong đời mà không một lần cãi lời cha mẹ và vang lên trong đầu câu "Chả ai hiểu cho con". Ai trong đời mà không một lần buông lời mạt sát người yêu khi người ấy không đáp ứng lại nguyện vọng của mình và buông lời trách móc "Có ai chịu lắng nghe tôi không? Tôi đã làm gì mà phải bị đối xử thế này"... và còn nhiều những "ai trong đời mà không một lần" khác nữa. Và cuốn sách này, thâu tóm, liệt kê và phân tích gần như những cái "không một lần" ấy qua kiến thức, góc nhìn tâm lý học với những kiến giải khoa học để đưa ra những biện pháp, trị liệu phù hợp với hy vọng giúp cho người khác có thể tìm được những hướng đi, những sự lựa chọn thích hợp, đúng đắn và tránh rơi vào CÁI BẪY CỦA CƠN GIẬN đã xảy ra quá thường xuyên để rồi ảnh hưởng tiêu cực tới cuộc sống của họ. Đây là điều khiến cho tôi cảm thấy mình trở nên trần trụi trước những "bản án" của những dòng chữ trong cuốn sách này lên-tiếng.
Tôi trước đó cũng có đọc cuốn "Giận" của tác giả Thích Nhất Hạnh, cũng chung chủ đề hóa giải cơn giận. Trong khi "Giận" hướng con người "bao bọc, ôm ấp cơn giận" như người mẹ ôm con, và hướng dẫn thêm các giải pháp cho tinh thần như để ý hơi thở, để ý các bước chân nhằm giải quyết các cơn nộ khí, thì "Cái bẫy của cơn giận" của Les Carter nhìn cơn giận với góc nhìn tâm lý học - khoa học và các giải pháp thực tiễn hơn như khi cãi nhau thì thời điểm nào là nên kiềm chế, lúc ấy cần đặt ra câu hỏi gì để bình tĩnh, tự vấn bản thân bằng các câu hỏi cụ thể về bản thân và ý nghĩa của cơn giận, các phương pháp thực hành ngoài đời như thế nào để dần chuyển hóa cơn giận tiêu cực thành cơn giận tích cực, hay các đoạn phân tích tính cách nào cần có để hóa giải cơn giận, tích cách nào không nên giữ để tránh việc cơn giận âm ỉ tồn tại ... Điểm chung duy nhất mà hai cuốn sách này nói tới chính là: trong mỗi người, không thể nào không tồn tại cơn giận vì nó luôn là một trong những cảm xúc chủ đạo, quan trọng là chúng ta để cho nó kiểm soát bản thân mình hay mình sẽ kiểm soát nó. Nói tới đây, bộ phim hoạt hình Inside Out hiện ra, và đó không chỉ đơn thuần là một bộ phim hoạt hình cho trẻ em, mà sẽ là một tư liệu đáng quý cho những ai muốn xem nó dưới góc độ tâm lý học, góc nhìn tìm hiểu về cách con người tương tác với mình-bên-trong.
Tôi cũng có khá nhiều cái "mở mắt" trong khi đọc cuốn sách này. Ví dụ như việc lý giải tính di truyền trong gia đình của cơn giận. Người ta có câu "cha mẹ sinh con trời sinh tánh". Nhưng chắc chắn tính cách nào cha mẹ bộc lộ ở nhà, đứa con không 10 thì 7 phần nó hấp thụ đủ vô tâm hồn. Một đoạn trích trong sách:
Khi chúng tôi tìm hiểu các nguyên nhân gây ra con giận và những lựa chọn để kiềm chế nó, tôi cố gắng đặt thói quen của họ vào một cái nhìn rộng hơn. Tôi hỏi: "Bao nhiêu người trong số các bạn lớn lên có ít nhất cha hoặc mẹ có các vấn đề liên quan đến cơn giận". Gần 100% những người tham dự buổi hội thảo đều giơ tay.
Hay cơn giận còn được chia thành ba loại và mỗi loại có những đặc điểm nhận diện và tác hại khác nhau. Tôi thì tôi thấy có cả ba luôn. Đau khổ ! Và vô vàn những kiến thức liên quan tới cơn giận sẽ chờ bạn tìm tới.
Điểm trừ duy nhất gây khó khăn cho mình trong việc giữ nhịp đọc liên tục cuốn sách này chính là việc chuyển ngữ của dịch giả. Có những đoạn sẽ được dịch rất nuột nà, trơn tru nhưng sau đó lại có những đoạn mà câu cú cứ lủng củng, không thoát ý và mang lại cho cá nhân mình cảm tưởng có sự can thiệp của google translate hay có sự can thiệp của nhiều người dịch mà không hiểu ý nhau vậy ấy.
January 24, 2014
This book caught my eye at the library on a particularly frustrating day so I picked it up out of curiosity. It took me months to get through it because I would read a bit and chew on what I learned for days. I wouldn't label myself as an angry person but the first thing I learned is that anger comes in lots of forms-we all deal with it. I find social psychology fascinating but what I really love about this book is that the principles can be applied to any negative or unhealthy feelings and really opened my eyes to how I come across to my children at stressful times. The principles focus on being in control of your emotions regardless of others or circumstances, and slowing down reactions so that your actions reflect the person you want to become...to act and not react. The book also addresses assertiveness vs. aggression or passive aggression, forgiveness, respect, patience, self-restraint and kindness. This book would be super helpful to anyone dealing with anger or disappointment, or is an a relationship with someone dealing with those things because of the great insight into how those people may feel and think and why.
December 22, 2010
Some preachiness pops up in a few places, but it's not overwhelming. I read this book more to understand the angry people in my life, and in the process learned from strategies for dealing with them. Although not as angry as the author's patients, I learned about the sources of my own anger and how to choose alternate responses when the feelings arise.
August 20, 2024
3.5 ⭐️. Great insights through Part 2 but he lost me with the advice.
March 4, 2015
This book was absolutely amazing! Being able to relate so much to what I read in it made my head spin. I realized that I have so much to change about myself, so that I can achieve success in relationships with my lover, my co-workers, my kids, my neighbours and my family.
The overall lesson from this book is to be mindful of our emotions, so that we can turn them into positive forms of anger, rather than destructive forms. It will help you to understand where that negative form of anger came from, and how we continue to repeat it today, without even realizing it.
I have issues with anger. They have caused me to fail in every single love relationship I've ever had, including my marriage which ended in divorce, and most recently with my girlfriend whom I'm love more than I can tell you. I've also suffered in my relationship with my young daughters, who will tell you that I also suffer from anger. In 15 years of loyalty to one company, I have not been able to advance as my peers have. Really, it's no coincidence.
This book has also inspired me to get into anger therapy, as I read in the pages Dr Carter had with his patients.
If any of this resonates with you, I would strongly urge you to read this book. I would say do 1 chapter at a time, and be sure to do the homework at the end of each paragraph. It truly makes everything you read make more sense and relevant to your own story.
Good luck! And go easy on yourself. This is not easy.
The overall lesson from this book is to be mindful of our emotions, so that we can turn them into positive forms of anger, rather than destructive forms. It will help you to understand where that negative form of anger came from, and how we continue to repeat it today, without even realizing it.
I have issues with anger. They have caused me to fail in every single love relationship I've ever had, including my marriage which ended in divorce, and most recently with my girlfriend whom I'm love more than I can tell you. I've also suffered in my relationship with my young daughters, who will tell you that I also suffer from anger. In 15 years of loyalty to one company, I have not been able to advance as my peers have. Really, it's no coincidence.
This book has also inspired me to get into anger therapy, as I read in the pages Dr Carter had with his patients.
If any of this resonates with you, I would strongly urge you to read this book. I would say do 1 chapter at a time, and be sure to do the homework at the end of each paragraph. It truly makes everything you read make more sense and relevant to your own story.
Good luck! And go easy on yourself. This is not easy.
August 17, 2009
I believe everyone should read this book! Alot of self help texts often don't succeed in bringing any more depth of clarity or getting to the root source of the problem. This one, however, identifies deeper issues underlying anger, as well as manifestations of anger that we don't always recognize, such as being too passive. It made me realize that everyone I know has issue expressing anger in a healthy way to some extent, because society tells us it must be repressed as it is an ugly emotion. In reality, it is a natural emotion that serves as a useful (and necessary) tool in becoming a well-rounded and well-adjusted individual.
February 4, 2013
Everyone should read this book. Whether you find yourself occasionally annoyed and frustrated or if you have frequent overtly aggressive outbursts, this book can help. I strongly recommend this book to every single person. It will definitely help you transform anger, annoyance, and frustration into opportunities for growth.
April 26, 2016
This book may help people who think they are not efficient enough to handle anger.
The Anger Trap opens an eye , different view of the same situation.
Author gives examples from his experiences from his patients.
Really helpful !
The Anger Trap opens an eye , different view of the same situation.
Author gives examples from his experiences from his patients.
Really helpful !
July 18, 2016
I admit I do have anger issues, and read with the idea to do something to help with it. Self awareness seems to be huge in many areas of our lives. This is no exception. I also discovered that there are many others I didn't realize that are struggling with anger issues.
April 21, 2017
I'll keep it brief: authenticity with oneself is the key to healing anger, I believe. Reading this book uncovered some powerful truths for me about my personal struggles with control, disappointment, and old wounds. Worth reading.
June 5, 2017
I found this book pretty insightful, I liked the focus on subtle manifestations of anger since they are rarely talked about–yet we all have interactions with people who let their anger build up internally, leading to negative choices and interactions.
September 4, 2018
This is an excellent book for anyone who struggles with anger and wants to deal with the heart issues beyond the surface reactions. This is a great read for counselors or anyone wanting to help a close friend.
January 5, 2013
Anyone who has misused their anger (which is all of us) would benefit from reading this. More peace, less bickering!
April 30, 2022
Great book for anyone who has ever been frustrated or angry or is ever around someone who has😉
April 7, 2019
An excellent book, by an experienced and inspiring therapist. It is both down to earth, and ground breaking.
August 4, 2019
Thoughful with a few good tips on how to manage different forms of anger.
October 28, 2019
Very practical.
November 26, 2024
I'm not an angry person or someone who outwardly displays anger. This book wasn't a book I needed, but I enjoyed it.
The Anger Trap has wonderful insight on the mindfulness of anger. Anger is a choice, and there are better choices that lead to inner peace and better outcomes in life during frustrating circumstances. I thought the book would have some coping mechanisms for handling angry people, for days when you feel impatient or frustrated when things don't go as planned, frustrated at things others do or don't do, or if there's miscommunication, but it was more about the person addressing the anger who have not learned to conquer anger constructively.
The book could be a tool for an angry person with a healthy brain and genuine awareness who takes change seriously and can take responsibility. It could be difficult for people who have severe anger issues and think it's okay to demean and hurt others, don't take accountability for their anger, and feel entitled. If you're an angry person, it is your choice. You are accountable for how you respond and treat others. This book is for you if you want to heal and improve yourself.
I highly recommend this book to anyone with poor emotional management who wants to free their anger and is willing to do the work. In this book, you will learn to apply healthy traits for healing, handling anger well, and getting more positive results in your interactions over sabotaging your reputation, relationships, personal and relationship growth, and healing. Even if you aren't easily angered, it's a good book for introspection or insight into emotional healthiness.
The Anger Trap has wonderful insight on the mindfulness of anger. Anger is a choice, and there are better choices that lead to inner peace and better outcomes in life during frustrating circumstances. I thought the book would have some coping mechanisms for handling angry people, for days when you feel impatient or frustrated when things don't go as planned, frustrated at things others do or don't do, or if there's miscommunication, but it was more about the person addressing the anger who have not learned to conquer anger constructively.
The book could be a tool for an angry person with a healthy brain and genuine awareness who takes change seriously and can take responsibility. It could be difficult for people who have severe anger issues and think it's okay to demean and hurt others, don't take accountability for their anger, and feel entitled. If you're an angry person, it is your choice. You are accountable for how you respond and treat others. This book is for you if you want to heal and improve yourself.
I highly recommend this book to anyone with poor emotional management who wants to free their anger and is willing to do the work. In this book, you will learn to apply healthy traits for healing, handling anger well, and getting more positive results in your interactions over sabotaging your reputation, relationships, personal and relationship growth, and healing. Even if you aren't easily angered, it's a good book for introspection or insight into emotional healthiness.
December 31, 2023
Someone else signaled this already, but this is a book with ideas and principles rooted in Christian dogma - I do not see it as a good candidate for a self help book as not everyone looking to better manage their anger or anxiety shares in these beliefs.
Minor spoilers ahead.
The self reflection questions I found valuable and insightful, but with so much of the content relying on religious teachings, it falls short of actually providing some practical tools and mechanisms for betterment.
The author begins by saying how chronically angry people are just deeply hurt and their outbursts are but a cry for help & search for self determination (it even touches on the subject of trauma which plays a major role, but does so rather superficially), and halfway through quickly concludes with the fact that angry people, much like procrastinators and lazy people, are so because they're self centered and overly prideful (sinners). He keeps droning on about humility (a fundamental trait in Christian teachings) and how you can't achieve any meaningful change if you're not humble, otherwise you fall back on the innate tendency of being self absorbed and dismissive of others' sentiments (inference here is that that's our default setting because that's how the creator made us).
I was hoping for a more practical and evidence based guide on how anger can be unpacked, understood, and redirected to something productive without having to rely on something so subjective like religion; the book wants to do that, but gets lost in all the spiritual babble.
Later edit: I forgot to add that one of the authors' examples from his practice is that of a woman who became a SAHM and saw her husband become increasingly controlling and problematic. While she worked during therapy on herself, hr would only put more pressure on her and create more problems than she could solve. So what did the therapist suggest? Acceptance & forgiveness - this case in particular made me shudder because the woman was not just being taught to control her emotions but to tolerate a worsening family dynamic because "that's just who he is". All of this under the guise of being and doing good because the reward will be intrinsic and only by forgiving and accepting will she be release of her anger. I couldn't help but see this sort of rhetoric as a common tactic via which people are held captive in abusive marriages; all in the name of goodness and/or being a proper christian. Very very troubling.
Minor spoilers ahead.
The self reflection questions I found valuable and insightful, but with so much of the content relying on religious teachings, it falls short of actually providing some practical tools and mechanisms for betterment.
The author begins by saying how chronically angry people are just deeply hurt and their outbursts are but a cry for help & search for self determination (it even touches on the subject of trauma which plays a major role, but does so rather superficially), and halfway through quickly concludes with the fact that angry people, much like procrastinators and lazy people, are so because they're self centered and overly prideful (sinners). He keeps droning on about humility (a fundamental trait in Christian teachings) and how you can't achieve any meaningful change if you're not humble, otherwise you fall back on the innate tendency of being self absorbed and dismissive of others' sentiments (inference here is that that's our default setting because that's how the creator made us).
I was hoping for a more practical and evidence based guide on how anger can be unpacked, understood, and redirected to something productive without having to rely on something so subjective like religion; the book wants to do that, but gets lost in all the spiritual babble.
Later edit: I forgot to add that one of the authors' examples from his practice is that of a woman who became a SAHM and saw her husband become increasingly controlling and problematic. While she worked during therapy on herself, hr would only put more pressure on her and create more problems than she could solve. So what did the therapist suggest? Acceptance & forgiveness - this case in particular made me shudder because the woman was not just being taught to control her emotions but to tolerate a worsening family dynamic because "that's just who he is". All of this under the guise of being and doing good because the reward will be intrinsic and only by forgiving and accepting will she be release of her anger. I couldn't help but see this sort of rhetoric as a common tactic via which people are held captive in abusive marriages; all in the name of goodness and/or being a proper christian. Very very troubling.
January 26, 2023
I never know how to review a book like this. It has a lot of gold in terms of its techniques for helping people appropriately deal with anger. For that reason I strongly suggest people who struggle with anger read it.
The main idea that “you have a choice” is a critical one. Anger can be so strong that it feels like it carries you away without any power to change course but that’s not really true.
Discussions of assertiveness and a lack of need to defend yourself were excellent. Being willing to speak up but not argue and fight is a great strategy.
The book overall is chock full of useful tips and strategies of how to start making progress in the long hard road to better habits of thought and mind. For someone who feels like there is no hope, it’s a perfect way to disabuse you of that notion.
All that said, I have two substantial problems with it that hurt my rating.
First there’s no discussion of sin or repentance or help from God. It’s all very secular sounding though the author, whom I believe is Christian, occasionally sprinkles in references to God. Some passages regarding anger being discussed would have been very helpful to give people a good theological basis to approach what is ultimately a spiritual issue of sin. Also the “Jewish proverb” when quoting proverbs was somewhat grating, though not incorrect.
Second, the analysis was all totally unhelpful. It might be true that I struggle with anger because of my parents issues with anger on some level, but that’s not the real root. The real root is sin. Probably half the book was devoted to sob stories about bad childhoods, or even insufficiently good childhoods and blaming parents. Not even remotely helpful and a huge waste of time and space.
These two issues are big not just because the second one is such a significant portion of the book but because the pop-psychology childhood trauma explanation of sin is so poisonous and wrong. Even if he doesn’t really believe that, he writes as if he does.
A minor issue also is that he’s so excited about being non-judgmental that he makes no effort to carefully delineate sin and right behavior, nor does he give any room to righteous anger as displayed by Christ.
The main idea that “you have a choice” is a critical one. Anger can be so strong that it feels like it carries you away without any power to change course but that’s not really true.
Discussions of assertiveness and a lack of need to defend yourself were excellent. Being willing to speak up but not argue and fight is a great strategy.
The book overall is chock full of useful tips and strategies of how to start making progress in the long hard road to better habits of thought and mind. For someone who feels like there is no hope, it’s a perfect way to disabuse you of that notion.
All that said, I have two substantial problems with it that hurt my rating.
First there’s no discussion of sin or repentance or help from God. It’s all very secular sounding though the author, whom I believe is Christian, occasionally sprinkles in references to God. Some passages regarding anger being discussed would have been very helpful to give people a good theological basis to approach what is ultimately a spiritual issue of sin. Also the “Jewish proverb” when quoting proverbs was somewhat grating, though not incorrect.
Second, the analysis was all totally unhelpful. It might be true that I struggle with anger because of my parents issues with anger on some level, but that’s not the real root. The real root is sin. Probably half the book was devoted to sob stories about bad childhoods, or even insufficiently good childhoods and blaming parents. Not even remotely helpful and a huge waste of time and space.
These two issues are big not just because the second one is such a significant portion of the book but because the pop-psychology childhood trauma explanation of sin is so poisonous and wrong. Even if he doesn’t really believe that, he writes as if he does.
A minor issue also is that he’s so excited about being non-judgmental that he makes no effort to carefully delineate sin and right behavior, nor does he give any room to righteous anger as displayed by Christ.
November 2, 2025
3.8/5
The book explores the many different ways anger can manifest within a person. I found that concept really intriguing, since I’ve always thought of anger as something that looks one way — the typical “blowing up” kind of anger. Reading this made me realize that anger can show up in quieter, more subtle forms too. While my experiences aren’t as intense as the author’s patients, I still recognized myself in parts of this book. It made me reflect on how I express anger and reminded me that it’s something I can continue to work on.
That said, I wish the author had included more guidance on how to deal with other people’s anger. For each form of anger he described, it would’ve been helpful to see examples of how to best support or respond to someone experiencing it. Near the end, he briefly touched on the difference between people-pleasing and genuine kindness — a fascinating topic that I really wish he’d explored more deeply.
Lastly, as someone who isn’t religious, I found the heavy use of Christian references and biblical examples a bit frustrating. It often felt unnecessary and, at times, made the book feel less inclusive of other beliefs or perspectives. There were moments when it distracted from the message to the point I considered not finishing the book.
The book explores the many different ways anger can manifest within a person. I found that concept really intriguing, since I’ve always thought of anger as something that looks one way — the typical “blowing up” kind of anger. Reading this made me realize that anger can show up in quieter, more subtle forms too. While my experiences aren’t as intense as the author’s patients, I still recognized myself in parts of this book. It made me reflect on how I express anger and reminded me that it’s something I can continue to work on.
That said, I wish the author had included more guidance on how to deal with other people’s anger. For each form of anger he described, it would’ve been helpful to see examples of how to best support or respond to someone experiencing it. Near the end, he briefly touched on the difference between people-pleasing and genuine kindness — a fascinating topic that I really wish he’d explored more deeply.
Lastly, as someone who isn’t religious, I found the heavy use of Christian references and biblical examples a bit frustrating. It often felt unnecessary and, at times, made the book feel less inclusive of other beliefs or perspectives. There were moments when it distracted from the message to the point I considered not finishing the book.
May 15, 2023
Honestly, I feel this is a must read for all, for we all have grown up in either a dysfunctional family home or may have personally experienced a part of our dysfunctional society, leaving us needing to assess our views and our own use of anger. What it is and how can we use it in a proactive healthy way, so that we can use this emotion for what it's there for, to address conflict or hurt feelings, is discussed in detail in this book.
One thing Dr. Carter does that I appreciated greatly in this book is to teach what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressive or passive aggressive behaviors. He also goes into discussing, by way of personal experiences with one's he's worked with, the large varieties of reasons we may struggle with anger in our own life, and he models healthier ways to deal with our anger. The questions for consideration at the end of the chapters really help bring off the page what we can personally apply in our own life.
Super book, I took notes it was so good!
One thing Dr. Carter does that I appreciated greatly in this book is to teach what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressive or passive aggressive behaviors. He also goes into discussing, by way of personal experiences with one's he's worked with, the large varieties of reasons we may struggle with anger in our own life, and he models healthier ways to deal with our anger. The questions for consideration at the end of the chapters really help bring off the page what we can personally apply in our own life.
Super book, I took notes it was so good!
April 28, 2024
Getting pretty tired of these books on behavior and psychology that include the assertion that individuals have "Free will," as "bestowed by their creator." Everything else about this book is mostly fine. Just look at it this way, exercising patience towards one's chemistry isn't free will anymore than falling on impulse, you're just giving yourself the time to realize alternative routes were always there, you just weren't paying attention because your impulses weren't developed enough to let you. It's just patience, and if you can practice it, then it was always there. Free Will continues to be an illusion, but that's okay.
February 23, 2021
I have listened to this book over and over when driving in the car. I was a type-A personality and often easily upset but when I had a child I knew I had to change. I found this book very helpful and tried to follow Les Carter's advice to the people in his case studies. As the author was outlining all the instances of anger triggers through clear and understandable cases, I could easily identify parts of me that were similar to the people he was analyzing. Les Carter was kind and understanding and this helped me get better. I hope it will work for you as well.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews