Tell Me No Lies

by Ellyn Bader, Peter T. Pearson, Judith D. Schwartz

Lying-For Better or Worse

Everybody lies. Friends lie to friends. Children lie to their parents. Politicians lie to constituents. And, inevitably, husbands and wives lie to each other. Lies between lovers have tremendous potential to both nurture and destroy a relationship. It is easy to underestimate the power that lies-even seemingly harmless lies-can wield in your marriage. Tell Me No Lies explores the complexity of honesty versus deception in marriage and reveals the many reasons behind the lies we tell our partners (and ourselves).

Learn the four marital stages:
* The Honeymoon
* Emerging Differences
* Freedom
* Together as Two

Discover how to recognize how lying can lead to serious trouble at each stage. The signs include:
* The Dark Side of the Honeymoon, when couples refuse to acknowledge any problems
* The Stalemate, when couples fight and brutalize each other with exaggerated truths
* Freedom Unhinged, when independence outweighs togetherness and marital anarchy ensues.

Offering a new way of thinking about truth and deception, this book will help you understand the dynamics of your marriage in the context of the marital stages. If you can identify your marital stage, you can overcome the barriers to honesty and move on to a happier and more fulfilling marriage!

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction

256 pages, Paperback

First published August 8, 2000

Reviews

[Chinarut · Rating 4 out of 5]

even if you're not married, this is a good read for anyone who is looking to be in a great relationship. the book spends a great deal of time making distinctions around "lies" and you quickly realize he's not talking about your usual fibs u know as a child!

[Judith · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fast reading, thought provoking, and challenging look into the dynamics of intimate relationships. The authors are therapists who focus on a developmental approach to marriage. They note that the marriage relationship goes through four basic stages of development (parallel to stages of infant development: see their earlier book "In Search of the Mythical Mate" for more detailed explanation. Through anecdotes and dialogue they examine what "lies" couples most often tell themselves and each other during these growth periods.

[Clare Davidson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really opened my eyes to the effect that even so-called white lies have in an intimate relationship. I found it really helpful.

[Michal Crum · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book opening up the ways that lies take root in marriage, beginning at the first date. This is a much more complex look at deception, betrayal, and the lies we tell to ourselves and our spouses. This book is based on differentiation model (as opposed to an attachment model). I’d put it in the Bowen Systems category of marriage books. Broadly speaking, that means it asks each member in a marriage to examine themselves carefully. It asks spouses to carefully look at their own actions, and ask if they “invited” a lie, or participated in a lie, even if they are the one who was deceived. Lots of good, solid advice in here.

[Cody · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. It explains so much of what goes on in a marriage where one person lies constantly and unending. This book can actually help. It's rare to get liers to admit wrong and change their ways. This can. spoiler, there's blame on both sides. If both people are willing, it can change.

[Sarah Smith]

Again it was supposed to be about showing my ex I was trust worthy, again it opened my eyes to some of the lies he was telling me.

[Christopher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

[Luann Habecker · Rating 5 out of 5]

long awaited breakthrough...