A Telephonic Conversation

by Mark Twain

Kindle edition of the classic Mark Twain short story.

Genres: Short Stories, Classics, Fiction, Humor, American

24 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1906

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.

Reviews

[Flannery · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh Samuel Clemens, you are hilarious. Mostly because I also love hearing one-sided phone conversations. I make fun of my mother all the time because she tells everyone that her email address is "MY FIRST NAME DOT MY LAST NAME AT GMAIL DOT COM."

Here's a typical one-sided conversation that could've heard me say the other day:

Pause

What? Why?

Pause

An armadillo? Where were you?

Pause

Ha! That's so amazing. The Amish horse looked you straight in the eye?

Pause

No, I know you hate movies that came out before 1985.

Pause

I guess in October. In Chicago?

Pause

I'm glad you have my life goals in mind.

Pause

"Annnd I miiiiis youuuuu, like the deserts miiiiss the raaain."

Pause

Did you see Tots & Tiaras the other day?

Pause

OMG, I know. She totally messed up on her tot walk. And that one lady that was eating drywall afterward?!

Pause

I'm not saying you like The Arcade Fire.

Pause

Yeah, well I hate you sometimes too.





Now that I think about it, this is a pretty typical phone conversation for me. Anyway, my point is that one-sided phone conversations were ridiculous even at the turn of the century. Mark Twain was just a trendsetter like that.

Read the one-sided conversation that was inflicted on him while he was trying to write here.

[Andrew Milton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I see two patterns in the reviews.
A) The story isn't that funny.
B) It's mildly interesting to note the oddity of hearing one side of a conversation.

Neither is the point, though. Yes, the story isn't funny...it's more sardonic than humorous. Further, I think the point--then--was to note the way the new communication technology affected the opportunities for and patterns of conversation.

These days, after all, most of us actually are good at understanding half a conversation. But newer communication technologies are more daunting (for people who lived some life before those technologies came out, as Twain did before the phone) as they continue to change social interaction patterns...and our brains, as well.

In this way, Twain is making a sociological observation about technology, communication, social engagement, and more.

I'm sure if he were alive today, he'd have produced this story as a series of memes, drawing on all those quirky and befuddling texting exchanges and social media postings.

[Nisha Sadasivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I initially gave this story 2 stars, and I was about to blast at Twain for producing such a dumb-witted work.

Then I sat back and thought, 'Dumb-witted' is never Twain. Mark Twain was just eaves-dropping on a conversation and reproducing it. So, what went wrong?

Me..

I didn't know how to enjoy the story!

I went back to the story again, and imagined myself as Twain, eavesdropping on some middle-aged lady's conversation, with adequate and appropriate intonations.

That was the magic! I didn't imagine well last time..

Well done Twain! Good job eavesdropping :)

[Dani (The Pluviophile Writer) · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I feel this conversation is supposed to be entertaining and humorous it did not have that effect for me. I understand what Twain was trying to accomplish as we have all listened I to someone's phone conversation and thought how ridiculous it sounded whole only hearing the one side, his version of this event just didn't do it for me.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do love Mark Twain and his snarky snarkiness. To me, though, this was just a gimmick and not a very well executed one. Flannery's take on this (in her review) is actually much funnier to me that the short story itself. But, then again, I have a thing about armadillos. And Amish horses. :)

[A · Rating 3 out of 5]

when your partner has more interesting friends than you do.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

A man delivers a single brutal "Good-by," and that is the end of it. Not so with the gentle sex--I say it in their praise; they cannot abide abruptness.

Never thought about how singular it is to hear only one side of a telephone conversation. A daily asymmetry we are exposed to permanently nowadays. We have to fill the gaps of the awkward pauses, a quiz, a test, a sliding door.

But his point is that female conversation is different to male's. A statement carrying the dichotomy of our human world on its shoulders. It would almost sound sexist were it not for the last statement 'I say it with praise'. One has to love how much Twain packs in few words.

[Shinjini · Rating 2 out of 5]

One half of a television conversation where Mark Twain pokes a little fun at the wide range of conversational topics that women can talk about, on the phone.

Thought it was only okay. I have come to expect so much out of Mark Twain and when compared to some of his other works, this was a little bland.

[April Helms · Rating 4 out of 5]

A man listens to one part of a conversation between his wife and her friend while they try to talk over the telephone. It's an interesting perspective, given that the telephone would have been new when it was written, even still a bit of a novelty. It reminded me of one of my favorite short operas, The Telephone, by Menotti.

[soren mei · Rating 1 out of 5]

i know exactly what went on in his head as he wrote this, nothing. absolutely nothing, not a single complex thought in what i think is a brain and not a rock. i would like the time i spent reading this back please and thank you.

[Nolan · Rating 3 out of 5]

The differences in gender are more superfluous here than the changes shown in communication; how odd it was, to hear a conversation play out and miss almost all context for it, when the telephone was a novel technology.

[Rishabh Jha · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dull read.
A book about hearing someone talking on a telephone when you're not taking any part in that conversation arouse curiosity because you can't make anything out of a one sided conversation.

[Dave · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got nothing to say....

[curtis :) · Rating 3 out of 5]

el-oh-el question mark I think

I feel like that could be an activity in an English class #levellingup #creativewriting

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kind of sexist by today's standards, but entertaining nonetheless. I found the parallels to today fascinating.

[Sara Moore · Rating 3 out of 5]

two things from this

1) moms on the phone are the same now as when phones were invented lmao

2) men will always find a weird to be weirdly misogynistic, thanks mark twain

[Forked Radish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Future shock in 1906.

[Nicole Jani · Rating 1 out of 5]

0. Mark Twain more like Mark LAME!!! Dude is wack!

[Vaibhav · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short story describing a humorous tale of our daily life.
Seeing things closely can make us understand how funny our life is and how we can make the most out of it.

Nice writing by Mark Twain

[Fuzzeltje_]

"that queerest of all the queer things in this world"

It's not a competition, but just know that I have met the queerest of all the queer things in this world.

[Bella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not exactly what I'd call funny, but definitely unusual—in a good way. A Telephonic Conversation is more of a curious little slice of imagined chaos than a traditional story, and I’ve honestly never read anything quite like it. It’s weird, it’s clever or at least different.

Would I read it again? Maybe not. But I’m glad I read it once.

[dr. pmo · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.0

[Chichipio · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's one side of a phone conversation… written by Mark Twain. Need I say more? That's what I thought.

[Leah Hortin · Rating 3 out of 5]

It made me giggle. It only takes a few minutes to read, and is a free download, and highly entertaining. Makes you wonder what your own conversations sound like to outsiders.

[Nalnac]

This is where you can find this story

[Karen Chung · Rating 3 out of 5]

Offers an entertaining half of a telephone conversation.