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The Psychology of Romantic Love
What love is, why love is born, why it sometimes grows, and why it sometimes dies.
Have you ever wondered how romantic love evolves? What the difference is between mature and immature love? What role sex plays in romantic love, and whether love necessarily implies sexual exclusivity? And, most important, how can we make love last? Originally published in 1980, this updated edition of The Psychology of Romantic Love explores the nature of romantic love on many levels-the philosophical, the historical, the sociological, and the physiological. Nathaniel Branden explains why so many people say that romantic love is just not possible in today's world and-drawing on his experience with thousands of couples-finds that such love is still a possibility for anyone who understands its essence and is willing to accept its challenges.
Branden sees it as a pathway not only to extraordinary joy but also to profound self-discovery. His vision of love is thoroughly appropriate to our time and grounded in our humanness.
Have you ever wondered how romantic love evolves? What the difference is between mature and immature love? What role sex plays in romantic love, and whether love necessarily implies sexual exclusivity? And, most important, how can we make love last? Originally published in 1980, this updated edition of The Psychology of Romantic Love explores the nature of romantic love on many levels-the philosophical, the historical, the sociological, and the physiological. Nathaniel Branden explains why so many people say that romantic love is just not possible in today's world and-drawing on his experience with thousands of couples-finds that such love is still a possibility for anyone who understands its essence and is willing to accept its challenges.
Branden sees it as a pathway not only to extraordinary joy but also to profound self-discovery. His vision of love is thoroughly appropriate to our time and grounded in our humanness.
244 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 28, 2000
About the author
Nathaniel Branden
154 books588 followersNathaniel Branden was a Canadian–American psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem. A former associate and romantic partner of Ayn Rand, Branden also played a prominent role in the 1960s in promoting Rand's philosophy, Objectivism. Rand and Branden split acrimoniously in 1968, after which Branden focused on developing his own psychological theories and modes of therapy.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
November 20, 2013
I picked up this book wanting to understand why we fall in love with some people and not others, and how to build and sustain a successful relationship and then marriage. I definitely am closing the book with a heightened sense of understanding that built on The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. I spent the last year really conflicted with myself and bewildered by other peoples behavior, and now, having read the final page, I have a new sense of clarity and understanding regarding my behavior and feelings as well as the behavior of others. It was a really great look at the mistakes I saw in my parent's marriage, my failed friendships/ relationships in the past, why I've behaved in some ways, and why I've had certain feelings. Going forward I have a new tool set to communicate with my partner, and how to communicate my feelings and how to deal with my feelings. I have a better sense of self and what I need from a partner in the future. Excellent, excellent book. This kind of material is what needs to be taught in schools. Self esteem and successful relationships would be more widespread.
December 30, 2020
I don’t like how exclusive and homophobic the language is. I don’t know (or care) if it’s intentional, but he defines romantic love as something only possible between adult men and women, completely excluding romantic love between men and men, women and women, and between those who are non-binary, and he excludes the romantic love of trans men and trans women.
This is unacceptable and a big turn off for me.
This book could be much better in many ways. (He wants to talk about the origins of romance in western society but won’t discuss colonialism, rape of indigenous and Black women and girls, etc which are essential aspects to the picture of “love” in Western culture). Yes, this is the typical cis white man ethnocentric-anthropocentric trash that reflects his lack of studying his own culture through other lenses. I have little patience for “science” books like this.
This is unacceptable and a big turn off for me.
This book could be much better in many ways. (He wants to talk about the origins of romance in western society but won’t discuss colonialism, rape of indigenous and Black women and girls, etc which are essential aspects to the picture of “love” in Western culture). Yes, this is the typical cis white man ethnocentric-anthropocentric trash that reflects his lack of studying his own culture through other lenses. I have little patience for “science” books like this.
April 10, 2012
This is my first Nathaniel Branden read. While he’s well known (and criticized) for his work with self-esteem, which I have very mixed feelings about to say the least, this book proved to be a rather pleasant surprise. I thought he did the subject real justice and provided valuable food for thought -- I found myself in agreement with much of what he wrote regarding romantic love. He offered some wonderful advice/views that were very honest and grounded in reality, yet optimistic nonetheless. No easy task.
This book is one of a handful that confirms my own views/beliefs about romantic love. Mainly, it is for grown-ups, not for children; the individuals involved have to be mature, relatively well-adjusted, self-aware individuals in order for romantic love to be possible.
This book is one of a handful that confirms my own views/beliefs about romantic love. Mainly, it is for grown-ups, not for children; the individuals involved have to be mature, relatively well-adjusted, self-aware individuals in order for romantic love to be possible.
June 20, 2022
I have no words for how much I learned with this book. I think everyone should read it. I feel like this was the equivalent to a very deep workshop on human relationships.
February 15, 2023
Tatăl conceptului "stima de sine" m-a dezamăgit cu cartea dată. El începe cu evoluția iubirii romantice. În perioada tribală nu exista iubire între parteneri, nici egalitate. Bărbatul și femeia erau împreună doar pentru procreare. Toți trebuiau să muncească pentru binele tribului. În Roma Antică și Grecia Antică lucrurile s-au îmbunătățit. Femeia avea mai multe drepturi, dar tot era considerată inferioară bărbatului. Căsătoriile se făceau nu din iubire, ci în scopuri de procreare, economice și politice. În Grecia bărbații aveau dispreț față de femei și iubirea profundă era doar între homosexuali, spune autorul. Ce prostie! Câte poezii, opere de artă au creat bărbații pentru femeile pe care le iubeau! În Roma Antică femeile aveau mai multe drepturi, dar predominau desfrâul, adulterul. Urmează perioada creștinismului. Creștinismul spune ca bărbatul și femeia să se iubească și nu spune că sexul în cadrul căsătoriei e ceva rău. Autorul spune că sexul în căsătorie e un viciu, total fals, am vorbit cu duhovnicul. Sunt de acord că relațiile sexuale în afara căsătoriei e un concept demodat. Ce facem cu 2 iubiți care nu sunt gata de căsătorie? Sunt de acord că mulți reprezentanți ai Bisericii, mai ales cea medievală au comis fapte rele, pătând imaginea Bisericii creștine și corupând învățăturile creștinești. Dar acestea erau în contradicție cu învățăturile creștine, așa că nu putem să punem aceste fapte în cârca religiei. A avut și Biserica creștină dușmanii săi interiori. Autorul afirmă că Biserica nu considera un păcat dacă preotul avea amantă sau se culca cu o prostituată. Afirmă că creștinismul consideră femeia inferioară bărbatului, că nu-ți dă voie să iei decizii liber, nu poți să ai valorile tale. Înțeleg că autorul nu iubea creștinismul, dar trebuia să spună lucrurile așa cum sunt, nu falsuri. Noi avem liberul arbitru! Doar că fiecare alegere are consecințe. Și Dumnezeu a creat egal femeia și bărbatul.
Capitalismul și Revoluția Industrială au început în Europa. Autorul, cu atitudinea americană (arogantă), laudă SUA fiind primul loc unde oamenii erau liberi, egali, unde individul putea să decidă ce să facă cu viața lui, fără să se amestece autoritățile religiose, sociale, politice! Dar cum se face că și acum există rasism, se omoară unul pe altul, e homofobie? Oare chiar totul e ideal în SUA, nu există discriminare față de femei? Americanii uită că sunt urmașii colonizatorilor europeni. Fără Europa, nu exista SUA și tot ce au americanii acum.
Nathaniel Branden afirmă că binele suprem e binele personal. Sunt de acord că omul nu trebuie să-și sacrifice viața pentru comunitate. Dar să fii egoist și să te gândești doar la tine nu e o soluție. Noi tot facem parte din societate și nu putem exista izolat. Pentru ca să ne fie și nouă bine și celorlalți, este necesar să ne implicăm în societate.
În carte se mai spune că nu trebuie să facem o tragedie dacă partenerul/partenera a avut o aventură cu cineva. Nu trebuie să rupem relația, ci să aflăm cauzele acestei aventuri și să lucrăm la ele. Trebuiem să luptăm. Serios? În majoritatea cazurilor, dacă ierți partenerul care te-a înșelat și continui relația, partenerul te va înșela iar. Sunt cazuri când omului i-a părut rău, s-a îndreptat și relația a devenit mai puternică. Dar astea sunt excepții. Încă o tâmpenie din partea autorului!
Autorul consideră copiii o povară pentru iubirea romantică. Da, copiii înseamnă responsabilități și mai puțin timp pentru viața romantică. Dar să spui că sunt o povară e brutal. Mulți oameni și-au dorit să nu facă copii, să aibă mai mult timp pentru dânșii. Nimeni nu i-a impus să facă copii. Nu e nimic rău dacă nu dorești să ai copii, dar să-i naști și apoi să dai vina pe ei că nu ai timp pentru viața ta personală e o idioțenie! Sunt de acord că femeia nu e o mașină de procreat. Autorul nu spune să nu facem copii, ci să fim conștienți despre impactul lor asupra vieții noastre. Decizia de a avea copii trebuie să fie una din iubire, din dorință și conștientă. Bine că măcar acest psiholog are respect față de acei oameni care pot îngriji copiii și în același timp să aibă grijă de iubirea romantică.
Nu are rost să te bagi într-o relație dacă ai stima de sine scăzută. Nu vei putea primi iubire sau o vei refuza inconștient. O stimă de sine bună e cheia relațiilor sănătoase! El explică de ce alegem anumiți parteneri!
Nathaniel vorbește despre gelozie și cauzele ei, despre iubirea matură și cea imatură. E normal ambii să aibă asemănări și diferențe. Dar ei trebuie să aibă același sens al vieții. Chiar dacă au valori diferite, acestea nu trebuie să se contrazică.
Îndrăgostirea nu e dragoste. Dragostea înseamnă să cunoști omul și să-l accepți cu bune și rele. E imposibil să meargă totul bine într-o relație. Sunt suișuri și coborâșuri. Este dinamic. Este necesar ambii să comunice unul cu celalt și să se susțină, să depună eforturi. Dragostea nu e doar o uniune fizico-spirituală.
Cartea asta mi-a schimbat părerea despre Branden. Multe lucruri ok, dar și multe aberații. Prea multe frustrări vizavi de creștinism...
Capitalismul și Revoluția Industrială au început în Europa. Autorul, cu atitudinea americană (arogantă), laudă SUA fiind primul loc unde oamenii erau liberi, egali, unde individul putea să decidă ce să facă cu viața lui, fără să se amestece autoritățile religiose, sociale, politice! Dar cum se face că și acum există rasism, se omoară unul pe altul, e homofobie? Oare chiar totul e ideal în SUA, nu există discriminare față de femei? Americanii uită că sunt urmașii colonizatorilor europeni. Fără Europa, nu exista SUA și tot ce au americanii acum.
Nathaniel Branden afirmă că binele suprem e binele personal. Sunt de acord că omul nu trebuie să-și sacrifice viața pentru comunitate. Dar să fii egoist și să te gândești doar la tine nu e o soluție. Noi tot facem parte din societate și nu putem exista izolat. Pentru ca să ne fie și nouă bine și celorlalți, este necesar să ne implicăm în societate.
În carte se mai spune că nu trebuie să facem o tragedie dacă partenerul/partenera a avut o aventură cu cineva. Nu trebuie să rupem relația, ci să aflăm cauzele acestei aventuri și să lucrăm la ele. Trebuiem să luptăm. Serios? În majoritatea cazurilor, dacă ierți partenerul care te-a înșelat și continui relația, partenerul te va înșela iar. Sunt cazuri când omului i-a părut rău, s-a îndreptat și relația a devenit mai puternică. Dar astea sunt excepții. Încă o tâmpenie din partea autorului!
Autorul consideră copiii o povară pentru iubirea romantică. Da, copiii înseamnă responsabilități și mai puțin timp pentru viața romantică. Dar să spui că sunt o povară e brutal. Mulți oameni și-au dorit să nu facă copii, să aibă mai mult timp pentru dânșii. Nimeni nu i-a impus să facă copii. Nu e nimic rău dacă nu dorești să ai copii, dar să-i naști și apoi să dai vina pe ei că nu ai timp pentru viața ta personală e o idioțenie! Sunt de acord că femeia nu e o mașină de procreat. Autorul nu spune să nu facem copii, ci să fim conștienți despre impactul lor asupra vieții noastre. Decizia de a avea copii trebuie să fie una din iubire, din dorință și conștientă. Bine că măcar acest psiholog are respect față de acei oameni care pot îngriji copiii și în același timp să aibă grijă de iubirea romantică.
Nu are rost să te bagi într-o relație dacă ai stima de sine scăzută. Nu vei putea primi iubire sau o vei refuza inconștient. O stimă de sine bună e cheia relațiilor sănătoase! El explică de ce alegem anumiți parteneri!
Nathaniel vorbește despre gelozie și cauzele ei, despre iubirea matură și cea imatură. E normal ambii să aibă asemănări și diferențe. Dar ei trebuie să aibă același sens al vieții. Chiar dacă au valori diferite, acestea nu trebuie să se contrazică.
Îndrăgostirea nu e dragoste. Dragostea înseamnă să cunoști omul și să-l accepți cu bune și rele. E imposibil să meargă totul bine într-o relație. Sunt suișuri și coborâșuri. Este dinamic. Este necesar ambii să comunice unul cu celalt și să se susțină, să depună eforturi. Dragostea nu e doar o uniune fizico-spirituală.
Cartea asta mi-a schimbat părerea despre Branden. Multe lucruri ok, dar și multe aberații. Prea multe frustrări vizavi de creștinism...
August 31, 2026
He pogut aprendre molt d'aquest llibre i he trobat interessant moltes parts diferents.
Així i tot, no coincideixo en algunes idees d'amor romàntic com la de "mitja taronja" que m'ha semblat que dona entendre en algun capítol, i tampoc m'acaba d'agradar el tema que tracte de l'egoisme i en general de veure l'amor com un acte tant individualista. Potser és el que té que sigui la "psicologia" de l'amor romàntic.
Així i tot, no coincideixo en algunes idees d'amor romàntic com la de "mitja taronja" que m'ha semblat que dona entendre en algun capítol, i tampoc m'acaba d'agradar el tema que tracte de l'egoisme i en general de veure l'amor com un acte tant individualista. Potser és el que té que sigui la "psicologia" de l'amor romàntic.
December 17, 2025
Well-written, fascinating integrations
December 14, 2012
f you are in a relationship or want to be in a relationship—which is pretty much everybody!—you owe it to yourself to read "The Romantic Love Question & Answer Book," written by psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden.
The book addresses every conceivable aspect of romantic relationships and offers a wealth of insights and examples that can help people create a healthier, more intimate relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, this book can help you make your next relationship a successful one.
The book was published in 1982. I suspect that if it had been published in 2012, it would have been a runaway bestseller.
Branden writes with great clarity and precision. I found myself repeatedly impressed with how he expressed complicated subjects so concisely and powerfully. Reading something that makes me think, “Wow, I couldn’t write this better myself,” is my litmus test for quality.
I had read Branden’s book, "The Psychology of Romantic Love," years ago and enjoyed it greatly. (Originally published in 1980, Branden updated it in 2008.) In both books, he shares a sentence-completion exercise that is remarkably effective at helping people express their true feelings about a topic. For example, here is a humorous albeit quite revealing excerpt:
Q: My husband is in favor of my working, so long as it doesn’t interfere with all my duties at home. In effect, my emancipation consists of having two jobs. How do I get my husband to understand that I need help in running the house?
A: We once presented this problem at an Intensive to a group of men whose wives or girlfriends held jobs ranging from the secretarial to the executive. Most of them acknowledged feeling that regardless of any work a woman did outside, the home was her first responsibility.
We invited them to experiment with the sentence stem “If I were expected to be a homemaker in addition to holding down a full-time job——.” Amidst a good deal of laughter and embarrassment, their endings included:
I’d say, “Are you kidding?”
I’d feel angry and exploited.
I’d feel overworked.
I’d probably be too tired for anything else.
I’d wonder how come my partner only does one job while I do two.
I’d sure as hell understand the feminists better.
I’d start yelling for help.
I don’t know what I’d do about it, but I’d be unhappy.
I’d wonder who made up the rules.
I’d say, “We’ve got to get a maid.”
I’d say, “My partner has to share some of the burdens at home.”
I’d say, ‘What kind of racket is this?”
This sentence-completion exercise can be an interesting place to begin for a husband who does not see that he ought to help. If he comes to appreciate the inequity involved, the next natural question is: “What do you think we should do?”
The book addresses every conceivable aspect of romantic relationships and offers a wealth of insights and examples that can help people create a healthier, more intimate relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, this book can help you make your next relationship a successful one.
The book was published in 1982. I suspect that if it had been published in 2012, it would have been a runaway bestseller.
Branden writes with great clarity and precision. I found myself repeatedly impressed with how he expressed complicated subjects so concisely and powerfully. Reading something that makes me think, “Wow, I couldn’t write this better myself,” is my litmus test for quality.
I had read Branden’s book, "The Psychology of Romantic Love," years ago and enjoyed it greatly. (Originally published in 1980, Branden updated it in 2008.) In both books, he shares a sentence-completion exercise that is remarkably effective at helping people express their true feelings about a topic. For example, here is a humorous albeit quite revealing excerpt:
Q: My husband is in favor of my working, so long as it doesn’t interfere with all my duties at home. In effect, my emancipation consists of having two jobs. How do I get my husband to understand that I need help in running the house?
A: We once presented this problem at an Intensive to a group of men whose wives or girlfriends held jobs ranging from the secretarial to the executive. Most of them acknowledged feeling that regardless of any work a woman did outside, the home was her first responsibility.
We invited them to experiment with the sentence stem “If I were expected to be a homemaker in addition to holding down a full-time job——.” Amidst a good deal of laughter and embarrassment, their endings included:
I’d say, “Are you kidding?”
I’d feel angry and exploited.
I’d feel overworked.
I’d probably be too tired for anything else.
I’d wonder how come my partner only does one job while I do two.
I’d sure as hell understand the feminists better.
I’d start yelling for help.
I don’t know what I’d do about it, but I’d be unhappy.
I’d wonder who made up the rules.
I’d say, “We’ve got to get a maid.”
I’d say, “My partner has to share some of the burdens at home.”
I’d say, ‘What kind of racket is this?”
This sentence-completion exercise can be an interesting place to begin for a husband who does not see that he ought to help. If he comes to appreciate the inequity involved, the next natural question is: “What do you think we should do?”
September 10, 2018
Nathaniel Branden, after his disagreement with Ayn Rand, still kept his beliefs more or less in alignment with objectivism and individualism, and as a psychologist he adds a lot of aspects into the philosophy. He is a great thinker in his own right and is very capable of bringing philosophy and psychology into alignment with each other. Especially important and intriguing is the take he has on love(that I for a long time needed to find a book like this on), and in this book he explains how love, and romantic love, is selfish to the core. I have made a few own thoughts on love and how it relates to selfishness and individuality, how one must be a whole and mature individual to be fully capable of loving another and to recognize the same and similar values in the other. Branden both reinforced many of my views but more importantly and added to them, inspired and gave a good foundation to build further on. This book with its message and the view of love it proposes is one that has to be consider and that I find very much in alignment with reality. It is also very practical as it identifies many of the good things and the bad behind relationships. I recognize a well founded argument and this is full of them, even though there are some generalization going on - but those are for the reader to distinguish. Read it, be challenged, be informed and be inspired.
August 31, 2016
Of the various factors that are vital for success of romantic love, none is more important than self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is the love affair with ourselves. Only then are we ready for other love relationships.
An autonomous individual is one who does not experience his or her self-esteem as continually in question or in jeopardy. His or her worth is not a matter of continuing doubt. The source of approval resides within self. It is not at the mercy of every encounter with another person.
- The Psychology of Romantic Love by Nathaniel Branden
An autonomous individual is one who does not experience his or her self-esteem as continually in question or in jeopardy. His or her worth is not a matter of continuing doubt. The source of approval resides within self. It is not at the mercy of every encounter with another person.
- The Psychology of Romantic Love by Nathaniel Branden
February 23, 2024
I first got introduced to Nathaniel Branden when my friend recommended I read his “Six pillars of self esteem” several years ago. Needless to say I have to now read all his writings. He’s such a fantastic author and I love how he distills how to act in order to have a heal and fulfilling relationship. He’s truly a gem. I highly recommend this book
May 15, 2012
There was the occasional flash of insight (for instance, the portion on inherent biological rhythms) but I found this meandered too much to offer any real help. Furthermore, it's extremely heteronormative.
September 28, 2019
Such an insightful and affirming book that praises romantic love as one of the greatest achievements of consciousness, but does not hold it on an unrealistic pedestal. It stands the test of time, except that it is definitely heteronormative.
February 19, 2022
Homofóbico pero útil.
December 22, 2024
A super-useful book that really made me face a lot of uncomfortable facts and gave me a lot of useful important insights about myself and my past relationships. Highly recommend.
February 2, 2026
Buen libro. Es cierto que el amor no lo es todo y para que una relación dure y sea feliz se necesitan de muchas otras cosas.
June 5, 2026
Really eye-opening and perfect timing while I’ve been reflecting on a previous relationship. Through reading, I’ve learnt more about myself and why things were the way they were in previous relationships. I feel much better prepared to make the next one work and recognise the signs early on if it won’t.
October 28, 2018
Super interesting book, a lot of food for thought. I really enjoyed going through the history of romantic love in the beginning of the book. The only thing I wasn't too fond of was the ending which was full of politically correct stuff like "divorce doesn't mean a marriage has failed". Just not my cup of tea.
December 22, 2019
I think this book is appropriate for me especially at this time, because it's been a while since I've courted a lady. The act of courtship, I discovered, is a revelatory exercise: I had been so comfortable being alone that I realized I had also matured when I encountered a lady whom I thought was right for me. Gone were the days that I would demand of myself to find an intellectual equal: maybe it was reality setting in, or simply emotional maturity. It was always up to myself to appreciate happiness, and it wasn't necessarily to be found in my own mirror. In my myopia I sometimes forget that I am also heavily flawed as a person. Now, at least, I have a better understanding of my own shortcomings and of my own strengths. I hope that this time, it will be enough.
This book by Branden is thus important: I want to have a fruitful romance, but I also want to be privy to my own faults. What does romantic love entail?
Romantic love is important, according to Branden, because it allows us to be seen. Romance creates an intimate connection that allows us to be visible to the other whom we treasure, and this is what makes it important to humans. We seek to be understood by the person whom we treasure most.
Consistent with his other books, Branden teaches that the most important element of romantic love is self-esteem. I think I had this before with regard to academic intelligence, but I knew I was a bit backward when it came to social interactions. To the author, it is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. It took me a long while before I got to the self-confidence I was comfortable with, although I really never had a low respect for myself.
He's right. I had been unable to love romantically before because I was too embittered. I'm still quite acerbic, although at least now, I've understood that there's also enough good in the world to make life tolerable.
The first rule of romantic love is: to love others, you must love yourself fully first. It's not being conceited - you just can't give what you don't have. I'm also comfortable with who I am, nerd and all, after a very long time. For this rule, at least I am better prepared. The book also called to my attention the doubts I had toward taking the plunge towards romance:
And yet we keep on.
Another element of romantic love, next to self-esteem, is autonomy. "Autonomous individuals have assimilated and integrated the ultimate fact of human aloneness ... They understand that it is the fact of aloneness that gives romantic love its unique intensity."
The second rule of romantic love is: "only when we stop fighting the fact of our aloneness are we ready for romantic love.
Finally, the third element important in romantic love is mutual self-disclosure. Honest communication and an exposure of one's vulnerability is necessary to keep the ingenuousness of romantic love. That is one of my struggles, because I do not want to be seen as vulnerable, but I find that as I also grow in this unilateral interest, I also address this and slowly embrace what I feel.
The third rule of romantic love, thus, is: "Be honest and upfront with the one you love. It will be the rock of your relationship."
***
I'm honestly terrified. I'm not used to opening my heart to anyone, and it's even challenging for me to make friends. It took me two months of being with the girl I like before I even took the plunge. I am afraid because there is the possibility of the other person's not loving us in return. I don't like being afraid - I try to face most of my fears head on.
But this loss of control is scary. Sometimes I ask myself whether it's worth it, but I know that she's worth it. I'll keep on practicing these three rules, even if she won't like me back. At least, ultimately, I'll mature as an individual, and that's also important.
This book by Branden is thus important: I want to have a fruitful romance, but I also want to be privy to my own faults. What does romantic love entail?
Romantic love is important, according to Branden, because it allows us to be seen. Romance creates an intimate connection that allows us to be visible to the other whom we treasure, and this is what makes it important to humans. We seek to be understood by the person whom we treasure most.
Consistent with his other books, Branden teaches that the most important element of romantic love is self-esteem. I think I had this before with regard to academic intelligence, but I knew I was a bit backward when it came to social interactions. To the author, it is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. It took me a long while before I got to the self-confidence I was comfortable with, although I really never had a low respect for myself.
He's right. I had been unable to love romantically before because I was too embittered. I'm still quite acerbic, although at least now, I've understood that there's also enough good in the world to make life tolerable.
The first rule of romantic love is: to love others, you must love yourself fully first. It's not being conceited - you just can't give what you don't have. I'm also comfortable with who I am, nerd and all, after a very long time. For this rule, at least I am better prepared. The book also called to my attention the doubts I had toward taking the plunge towards romance:
When we feel rejected, when we look at past relationships and see nothing but a string of disappointments, frustrations, and defeats, it is often illuminating to ask: Do I feel it is natural or normal for someone to love me?
And yet we keep on.
Another element of romantic love, next to self-esteem, is autonomy. "Autonomous individuals have assimilated and integrated the ultimate fact of human aloneness ... They understand that it is the fact of aloneness that gives romantic love its unique intensity."
The second rule of romantic love is: "only when we stop fighting the fact of our aloneness are we ready for romantic love.
Finally, the third element important in romantic love is mutual self-disclosure. Honest communication and an exposure of one's vulnerability is necessary to keep the ingenuousness of romantic love. That is one of my struggles, because I do not want to be seen as vulnerable, but I find that as I also grow in this unilateral interest, I also address this and slowly embrace what I feel.
The third rule of romantic love, thus, is: "Be honest and upfront with the one you love. It will be the rock of your relationship."
***
I'm honestly terrified. I'm not used to opening my heart to anyone, and it's even challenging for me to make friends. It took me two months of being with the girl I like before I even took the plunge. I am afraid because there is the possibility of the other person's not loving us in return. I don't like being afraid - I try to face most of my fears head on.
But this loss of control is scary. Sometimes I ask myself whether it's worth it, but I know that she's worth it. I'll keep on practicing these three rules, even if she won't like me back. At least, ultimately, I'll mature as an individual, and that's also important.
April 25, 2010
Nathaniel Branden was once a close disciple of Ayn Rand--although he was purged from the ranks of her inner circle. You can certainly see her influence in this book--it's very self centered--and I don't mean to denigrate it by calling that. Branden's "The Psychology of Self-Esteem simply argues for the importance of self-esteem in a healthy psychology--and I'd agree with that. How revolutionary it is--as claimed on the cover of that book--I can't really judge. I do know that his theories fall into what's known as "cognitive psychology" which believes what ideas you hold are of crucial importance to the psyche. cognitive psychology. Aaron T. Beck is noted as the father of cognitive therapy in the Wiki--and his 1987 book, Cognitive Therapy of Depression, came out decades after Branden's The Psychology of Self-Esteem, which was first published in 1969.
That book contained the chapter "Self-Esteem and Romantic Love." This book expands on the subject. As it says on the cover, the purpose of the book is to consider: What love is, why love is born, why it sometimes grows, why it sometimes dies. I found this book when I was barely out of my teens, and I found it very appealing that it even tried to deal with such questions, let alone attempted answers. Just about everything I'd read or heard before this book by shrugging their shoulders and basically saying love is what it is--which frustrated me no end. I loved his chapter on the "Muttnik Principle"--that the core of romantic love (and close friendship) is the need to be visible. To be seen and understood for who we are. I found this a thought-provoking and valuable book. Even if I take off a star because decades later, I understand a little better why so many would shrug and throw up their hands trying to understand romantic love.
That book contained the chapter "Self-Esteem and Romantic Love." This book expands on the subject. As it says on the cover, the purpose of the book is to consider: What love is, why love is born, why it sometimes grows, why it sometimes dies. I found this book when I was barely out of my teens, and I found it very appealing that it even tried to deal with such questions, let alone attempted answers. Just about everything I'd read or heard before this book by shrugging their shoulders and basically saying love is what it is--which frustrated me no end. I loved his chapter on the "Muttnik Principle"--that the core of romantic love (and close friendship) is the need to be visible. To be seen and understood for who we are. I found this a thought-provoking and valuable book. Even if I take off a star because decades later, I understand a little better why so many would shrug and throw up their hands trying to understand romantic love.
August 10, 2026
HIS FIRST BOOK ON ROMANTIC LOVE, MARRIAGE, SEXUAL FIDELITY, ETC.
[NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 210-page hardcover edition.]
Nathaniel Branden (1930-2014) was a Canadian psychotherapist and writer who was Ayn Rand's chief spokesman, until their break in 1968.
He wrote in the Introduction to this 1980 book, “The passionate attraction between man and woman that is known as romantic love can generate the most profound ecstasy. It can also generate, when frustrated, the most unutterable suffering. Yet for all its intensity, the nature of that attachment is little understood. To some, who associate ‘romantic’ with ‘irrational,’ romantic love is a temporary neurosis, an emotional storm, inevitably short-lived, which leave disillusionment and disenchantment in its wake. To others, romantic love is an ideal that, if never reached, leaves one feeling one has somehow missed the secret of life.
“Looking at the tragedy and confusion so many experience in romantic relationships, many persons have concluded that the idea of romantic love is somehow fundamentally wrong, a false hope. In consequence, more and more people are experimenting with different kinds of relationships, ones that do not entail the intimacy and vulnerability of an intense commitment to another person. Some people have given up hope of any passionate attachment as not only false but pernicious. Romantic love is also under attack today from psychologists, sociologists, and anthropologists, who frequently scorn it as an immature, illusory idea. To such intellectuals, the idea that an intense emotional attachment could form the basis of a lasting, fulfilling relationship is simply a neurotic product of modern Western culture.” (Pg. 11)
He continues, “Let me state at the outset that I am writing from the conviction that romantic love is not a fantasy or an aberration but one of the great possibilities of our existence… and one of the great challenges… I do not see romantic love as the prerogative of youth… Let me begin with a general definition of love to be explored in this book. Romantic love is ‘a passionate spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other’s person.'" (Pg. 12-13)
He explains, “this book draws upon two primary sources. First, the book represents an attempt to reason about and understand man/woman relationships on the basis of facts and data more or less available to everyone, the material of history and of culture. Second, the positions advanced are grounded in my experiences as a psychotherapist and marriage counselor… In the course of this book a concept of romantic love emerges that goes considerably beyond that associated with the American concept of love. But it is best understood historically in the context of the American ideal as contrasted with that of earlier cultures.” (Pg. 14) He adds, “The purpose is to make romantic love intelligible---to enrich our understanding of such love---and to celebrate the vision of romantic love as a realistic and worthwhile attainment for men and women of all ages.” (Pg. 14-16)
He asserts, “what is particularly interesting to note in the [Christian] Church’s attitude, was that the integration of love and sex was regarded not as a noble ideal but as a vice… It is significant that the Church’s most ferocious wrath was reserved not for fornication but for masturbation… [which] is the act through which many an individual first encounters the possibility of an ecstasy entirely different from the ecstasy promised by religion. The Church’s essential antisexualism was paralleled by an essential antifeminism… In its attitude toward woman, too, Christianity exhibited profound antagonism to a love relationship that integrates desire and admiration, physical and spiritual values, and which is based on the essential equality of the partners. On the deepest level Christianity has always been a fierce opponent of romantic love.” (Pg. 27-28)
He notes, “from the beginnings of the Industrial Revolution, many social critics… warned that the independence men and women were winning under capitalism would lead to the end of civilization. They were correct to this extent: A new civilization, radically different from any that had been known before, was in the process of being born; and one of its characteristics was that men and women would choose to share their lives, not on the basis of economic necessity, but on the basis of their expectation of finding happiness and emotional fulfillment in one another.” (Pg. 38)
He observes, “Open experiments with ‘swinging,’ ‘group marriage,’ sexual communes, multiple-couple families, three-person ‘marriages,’ all represent alternative pathways to personal fulfillment that more and more people seem to be exploring. But no one is claiming any exciting record of success. Variations in the structure of relationships do not seem to touch the essential issue. The problem clearly exists on a deeper level than such ‘solutions’ address themselves to.” (Pg. 49)
He says of the human-potential movement, “there is a lot about this movement that is plain silly… What is unfortunate is that many exponents of the human-potential movement have adopted increasingly apologetic and defensive postures in response to accusations of ‘selfishness.’ … One of the assumptions implicit in these attacks on the human-potential movement, which directly parallels some of the attacks on romantic love, is that a concern with self-actualization … is inherently antisocial or socially irresponsible. There is absolutely no foundation to such a claim and overwhelming evidence to support the contrary view… Looked at on its plus side, the human-potential movement has helped to create a fresh intellectual climate in which to approach the subject of romantic love.” (Pg. 55-56)
He explains, “Love is… our emotional response to that which we value highly. As such, it is the experience of joy in the existence of the loved object, joy in proximity, and joy in interaction or involvement. To love is a delight in the being whom one loves… But love is more than an emotion; it is a judgment or evaluation, and an action tendency.” (Pg. 63)
What about same-sex relationships? “Obviously, the entire context of this work is heterosexual… even though much of what is said clearly applies to homosexual love relationships… If one takes the view, as I do, not that homosexuality or bisexuality are ‘immoral’ or ‘wrong’… but that they generally do reflect a detour or blockage on the pathway to full maturity…” (Pg. 91-92)
He states, “Of the various factors that are vital for the success of romantic love, none is more important than self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is the love affair with ourselves. Only then are we ready for other love relationships… Self-esteem… is the conviction … the EXPERIENCE, that we are competent to live and WORTHY of living. Self-esteem is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to its requirements and challenges.” (Pg. 117-118)
He asserts, “We recognize, of course, that sex and love, though related, are obviously different. We recognize that sexual desire does not necessarily entail love. We recognize that gratifying sexual experiences can occur without great love. That is not the point. We also recognize that the greatest and most intense sexual experiences occur in the content of love, occur as an expression of love. What is the torment, then, of those who claim that when they feel love they do not necessarily feel ardent desire, or who claim that their best sexual experiences take place when ‘unemcumbered’ by love? These are sexually self-alienated men and women whose love lives are inevitably unsatisfying.” (Pg. 160-161)
He recalls, “When, during my agony over Patrecia’s death [his second wife, who tragically drowned accidentally], I found myself falling in love with another women, the terror that I sometimes felt is truly indescribable. I was forced to confront, at the deepest level, the most fearsome aspect of romantic love.” (Pg. 169)
He asserts, “While lifelong monogamy is still the more-or-less official ideal of our culture, the social reality seems better described by a different pattern: SERIAL monogamy. We are only married to one person at a time (monogamy), but in the course of our lifetime we may be married to two or three people (serial monogamy). This need not be viewed as a misfortune or a tragedy. There is no necessary implication in this of taking marriage lightly or irresponsibly. It is an error to assume that a marriage is invalid if it does not last forever. The value of a marriage is to be gauged by the joy it affords, not by its longevity… Moreover, it would be an error to assume that serial marriage is becoming more and more the norm only because of people’s immaturity, only because most people do not know how… to choose a partner wisely in the first place.” (Pg. 173-174)
Of ‘open marriage,’ he suggests that "romantic love, in the context of an exclusive relationship, may in the end be the most exciting adventure there is. This is my own conviction.” (Pg. 178)
I have some difficulty in accepting Branden as an ‘expert’ on love and marriage (see the Wikipedia article on him, for details about his own love/romantic/sexual history). But he is a popular author on the topic.
[NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 210-page hardcover edition.]
Nathaniel Branden (1930-2014) was a Canadian psychotherapist and writer who was Ayn Rand's chief spokesman, until their break in 1968.
He wrote in the Introduction to this 1980 book, “The passionate attraction between man and woman that is known as romantic love can generate the most profound ecstasy. It can also generate, when frustrated, the most unutterable suffering. Yet for all its intensity, the nature of that attachment is little understood. To some, who associate ‘romantic’ with ‘irrational,’ romantic love is a temporary neurosis, an emotional storm, inevitably short-lived, which leave disillusionment and disenchantment in its wake. To others, romantic love is an ideal that, if never reached, leaves one feeling one has somehow missed the secret of life.
“Looking at the tragedy and confusion so many experience in romantic relationships, many persons have concluded that the idea of romantic love is somehow fundamentally wrong, a false hope. In consequence, more and more people are experimenting with different kinds of relationships, ones that do not entail the intimacy and vulnerability of an intense commitment to another person. Some people have given up hope of any passionate attachment as not only false but pernicious. Romantic love is also under attack today from psychologists, sociologists, and anthropologists, who frequently scorn it as an immature, illusory idea. To such intellectuals, the idea that an intense emotional attachment could form the basis of a lasting, fulfilling relationship is simply a neurotic product of modern Western culture.” (Pg. 11)
He continues, “Let me state at the outset that I am writing from the conviction that romantic love is not a fantasy or an aberration but one of the great possibilities of our existence… and one of the great challenges… I do not see romantic love as the prerogative of youth… Let me begin with a general definition of love to be explored in this book. Romantic love is ‘a passionate spiritual-emotional-sexual attachment between a man and a woman that reflects a high regard for the value of each other’s person.'" (Pg. 12-13)
He explains, “this book draws upon two primary sources. First, the book represents an attempt to reason about and understand man/woman relationships on the basis of facts and data more or less available to everyone, the material of history and of culture. Second, the positions advanced are grounded in my experiences as a psychotherapist and marriage counselor… In the course of this book a concept of romantic love emerges that goes considerably beyond that associated with the American concept of love. But it is best understood historically in the context of the American ideal as contrasted with that of earlier cultures.” (Pg. 14) He adds, “The purpose is to make romantic love intelligible---to enrich our understanding of such love---and to celebrate the vision of romantic love as a realistic and worthwhile attainment for men and women of all ages.” (Pg. 14-16)
He asserts, “what is particularly interesting to note in the [Christian] Church’s attitude, was that the integration of love and sex was regarded not as a noble ideal but as a vice… It is significant that the Church’s most ferocious wrath was reserved not for fornication but for masturbation… [which] is the act through which many an individual first encounters the possibility of an ecstasy entirely different from the ecstasy promised by religion. The Church’s essential antisexualism was paralleled by an essential antifeminism… In its attitude toward woman, too, Christianity exhibited profound antagonism to a love relationship that integrates desire and admiration, physical and spiritual values, and which is based on the essential equality of the partners. On the deepest level Christianity has always been a fierce opponent of romantic love.” (Pg. 27-28)
He notes, “from the beginnings of the Industrial Revolution, many social critics… warned that the independence men and women were winning under capitalism would lead to the end of civilization. They were correct to this extent: A new civilization, radically different from any that had been known before, was in the process of being born; and one of its characteristics was that men and women would choose to share their lives, not on the basis of economic necessity, but on the basis of their expectation of finding happiness and emotional fulfillment in one another.” (Pg. 38)
He observes, “Open experiments with ‘swinging,’ ‘group marriage,’ sexual communes, multiple-couple families, three-person ‘marriages,’ all represent alternative pathways to personal fulfillment that more and more people seem to be exploring. But no one is claiming any exciting record of success. Variations in the structure of relationships do not seem to touch the essential issue. The problem clearly exists on a deeper level than such ‘solutions’ address themselves to.” (Pg. 49)
He says of the human-potential movement, “there is a lot about this movement that is plain silly… What is unfortunate is that many exponents of the human-potential movement have adopted increasingly apologetic and defensive postures in response to accusations of ‘selfishness.’ … One of the assumptions implicit in these attacks on the human-potential movement, which directly parallels some of the attacks on romantic love, is that a concern with self-actualization … is inherently antisocial or socially irresponsible. There is absolutely no foundation to such a claim and overwhelming evidence to support the contrary view… Looked at on its plus side, the human-potential movement has helped to create a fresh intellectual climate in which to approach the subject of romantic love.” (Pg. 55-56)
He explains, “Love is… our emotional response to that which we value highly. As such, it is the experience of joy in the existence of the loved object, joy in proximity, and joy in interaction or involvement. To love is a delight in the being whom one loves… But love is more than an emotion; it is a judgment or evaluation, and an action tendency.” (Pg. 63)
What about same-sex relationships? “Obviously, the entire context of this work is heterosexual… even though much of what is said clearly applies to homosexual love relationships… If one takes the view, as I do, not that homosexuality or bisexuality are ‘immoral’ or ‘wrong’… but that they generally do reflect a detour or blockage on the pathway to full maturity…” (Pg. 91-92)
He states, “Of the various factors that are vital for the success of romantic love, none is more important than self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is the love affair with ourselves. Only then are we ready for other love relationships… Self-esteem… is the conviction … the EXPERIENCE, that we are competent to live and WORTHY of living. Self-esteem is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to its requirements and challenges.” (Pg. 117-118)
He asserts, “We recognize, of course, that sex and love, though related, are obviously different. We recognize that sexual desire does not necessarily entail love. We recognize that gratifying sexual experiences can occur without great love. That is not the point. We also recognize that the greatest and most intense sexual experiences occur in the content of love, occur as an expression of love. What is the torment, then, of those who claim that when they feel love they do not necessarily feel ardent desire, or who claim that their best sexual experiences take place when ‘unemcumbered’ by love? These are sexually self-alienated men and women whose love lives are inevitably unsatisfying.” (Pg. 160-161)
He recalls, “When, during my agony over Patrecia’s death [his second wife, who tragically drowned accidentally], I found myself falling in love with another women, the terror that I sometimes felt is truly indescribable. I was forced to confront, at the deepest level, the most fearsome aspect of romantic love.” (Pg. 169)
He asserts, “While lifelong monogamy is still the more-or-less official ideal of our culture, the social reality seems better described by a different pattern: SERIAL monogamy. We are only married to one person at a time (monogamy), but in the course of our lifetime we may be married to two or three people (serial monogamy). This need not be viewed as a misfortune or a tragedy. There is no necessary implication in this of taking marriage lightly or irresponsibly. It is an error to assume that a marriage is invalid if it does not last forever. The value of a marriage is to be gauged by the joy it affords, not by its longevity… Moreover, it would be an error to assume that serial marriage is becoming more and more the norm only because of people’s immaturity, only because most people do not know how… to choose a partner wisely in the first place.” (Pg. 173-174)
Of ‘open marriage,’ he suggests that "romantic love, in the context of an exclusive relationship, may in the end be the most exciting adventure there is. This is my own conviction.” (Pg. 178)
I have some difficulty in accepting Branden as an ‘expert’ on love and marriage (see the Wikipedia article on him, for details about his own love/romantic/sexual history). But he is a popular author on the topic.
January 30, 2020
Great book! I would definitely recommend!
It starts out by talking about love in different cultural perspectives and how it has evolved to what it is now. Although, when the author talks about Christianity, or religion, he tends to put it in a negative light and make general statements about the belief. For example, he constantly relates Christianity to a joyless, suffer filled life. And in the last few chapters he quotes, “the same morality demands that you surrender your soul to promiscuous love for all comers.” Clearly the author believes that love is earned and not given “promiscuously” so to speak. And when love is expressed to everyone, it loses its meaning. I disagree, but it does not change my view of the book.
I really enjoyed how the author explains that no one person exists for the satisfaction of our complete desires and that sometimes love dies because we are not willing to accept the evolution of our partner. Also, how communication may be painful at the time, but suppressing and being subliminal causes greater issues that hurt the relationship. Lastly I love the way he examines “aloneness” and how if we are comfortable in being alone and view ourselves as important and worthy of love, then we won’t be so needy and burdensome to our partner, allowing them to be alone without us feeling rejected.
I highly recommend, although I disagree with some points, the author presents the material in a way that is easy to digest and understand. Very enlightening, I think I am done with my relationship book purge because this book about sums it up!!
Side note; the author does not overcrowd the book with endless relationship stories or counseling encounters like many other relationship books. Filled with advice and ideas and not just other people’s stories.
It starts out by talking about love in different cultural perspectives and how it has evolved to what it is now. Although, when the author talks about Christianity, or religion, he tends to put it in a negative light and make general statements about the belief. For example, he constantly relates Christianity to a joyless, suffer filled life. And in the last few chapters he quotes, “the same morality demands that you surrender your soul to promiscuous love for all comers.” Clearly the author believes that love is earned and not given “promiscuously” so to speak. And when love is expressed to everyone, it loses its meaning. I disagree, but it does not change my view of the book.
I really enjoyed how the author explains that no one person exists for the satisfaction of our complete desires and that sometimes love dies because we are not willing to accept the evolution of our partner. Also, how communication may be painful at the time, but suppressing and being subliminal causes greater issues that hurt the relationship. Lastly I love the way he examines “aloneness” and how if we are comfortable in being alone and view ourselves as important and worthy of love, then we won’t be so needy and burdensome to our partner, allowing them to be alone without us feeling rejected.
I highly recommend, although I disagree with some points, the author presents the material in a way that is easy to digest and understand. Very enlightening, I think I am done with my relationship book purge because this book about sums it up!!
Side note; the author does not overcrowd the book with endless relationship stories or counseling encounters like many other relationship books. Filled with advice and ideas and not just other people’s stories.
April 6, 2020
Personally I found it helpful to check my own beliefs againdt historical perspectives and the most "balanced" way through some reflection, exercises and stories. I loved the notion of "visibility" (being seen, understood) and the journey of self-discovery as one of the drivers behind relationships. The importance laid upon self-esteem comes down to the fact that everyone's responsible for his/her own happiness first in order for the relationship to be the celebration of each other. About communication it had few to offer. Overall, good book in an area we're often underdeveloped at (as the book says, marriage deserves the same preparation/education as one's careers does and the inevitable setbacks should be interperated in similar fashion).
October 3, 2017
Concluzii, idei și concepte despre iubirea romantică, acea formă de iubire specifică relației de cuplu, din perspectiva unui psihoterapeut care diferențiază iubirea romantică de alte forme de afecțiune față de semeni.
Ușor de citit, de înțeles și deschizătoare de perspective. După ce prezintă evoluția iubirii romantice, o dată cu dezvoltarea civilizației umane, autorul analizează nevoile care fundamentează iubirea romantică, apoi explorează cum alegem de cine ne îndrăgostim și, în final, propune o analiză a factorilor critici de succes pentru iubirea romantică, a motivațiilor pentru care unele relații durează iar altele se termină.
Ușor de citit, de înțeles și deschizătoare de perspective. După ce prezintă evoluția iubirii romantice, o dată cu dezvoltarea civilizației umane, autorul analizează nevoile care fundamentează iubirea romantică, apoi explorează cum alegem de cine ne îndrăgostim și, în final, propune o analiză a factorilor critici de succes pentru iubirea romantică, a motivațiilor pentru care unele relații durează iar altele se termină.
July 27, 2024
This is a beautiful book on the psychology of romantic love, what it truly is, what people think it is. I will come back for my personal thoughts later, but I do highly recommend this book. It is so worth the money and a read. It would be helpful to people. They should teach it in high school, by age 15 I think, because today's 15 year olds are so exposed to romantic images and often confuse ideas on what love is and can be. I believe 15 year olds can know it even if they are not experiencing it. It would open up lots of discussion. The right kind. I am sure to reread this and keep it around. It's a favorite book.
August 13, 2023
At first , I didn't like the beginning of the book . The point of view of the author was so narrow: He reported romantic love to the American white society exclusively , excluding all the other civilizations making them savage , primary and loveless societies .This excluding degrading opinion is by no mean acceptable nowadays. If an author wants to write about other civilizations, he needs to read about them and to know what he is talking about .
Other than the part1 , the rest was interesting and informative even though there was so many repetitive ideas .
Other than the part1 , the rest was interesting and informative even though there was so many repetitive ideas .
March 5, 2022
This book couldn't convince me,
I have read his amazing book : "the six pillars of self esteem", and I said he could be one who changes my vision to mariage and exclusive monogamy, yet, he couldn't...
I think that all what he said in his book is true, I don't pretend he is wrong, but the fact that I need to sacrifice for romantic love so It works (somehow he contradicts this exact statement in other places in the book) is a turn off for me...
I have read his amazing book : "the six pillars of self esteem", and I said he could be one who changes my vision to mariage and exclusive monogamy, yet, he couldn't...
I think that all what he said in his book is true, I don't pretend he is wrong, but the fact that I need to sacrifice for romantic love so It works (somehow he contradicts this exact statement in other places in the book) is a turn off for me...
dnf-may-read-later
July 29, 2024__________________________________________
I'm honestly not liking/loving romance books/shows /movies/rl(-1expectations but still)lately...and even if I like something at some point I have second thoughts about the same thing later ... and I recently came across this book....so gotta give it a try ... because the idea of romance and love is boring me out lately...(Even tho my book choises might be questionable no doubt)
I'm honestly not liking/loving romance books/shows /movies/rl(-1expectations but still)lately...and even if I like something at some point I have second thoughts about the same thing later ... and I recently came across this book....so gotta give it a try ... because the idea of romance and love is boring me out lately...(Even tho my book choises might be questionable no doubt)
April 16, 2018
Just finished, and already want to read it again to reinforce my understanding. Branden begins with an interesting cross-cultural history of romance, and ends with a critique of society's weakening of the word "love". An early pioneer in the study of self-esteem, he has much to offer on a variety of topics, challenging both the forlorn cynic and the hyper-romantic dreamer.
December 10, 2024
I read this book because my 80 year old neighbors who have been together for 40+ years told me it was one of the best books they have ever read. I really enjoyed it. More specifically, I enjoyed the author's thought experiments, the plants, the dog, the reflection of self in the lover. It was a novel perspective and I enjoyed pondering all the ways how it might be and might not be true.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews