Asking for a Friend

by Kerry Clare

For readers of J. Courtney Sullivan and Emma Straub, and for fans of Firefly Lane , comes a poignant and astute novel about life, love, and the ever-evolving nature of female friendship by the author of Waiting for a Star to Fall .

The bottom of Jess’s world is falling out. Cocooned in her dorm in the winter of 1998, she’s reeling, and wants to be left alone. But a chance encounter with the older, otherworldly, elusive Clara has Jess awestruck. Clara, newly returned from a two-year trek drifting around the world, is taking a stab at normalcy for once, and the place she starts is university, where she struggles to fit in. Upon meeting Jess, though, Clara feels an instant connection, and everything seems brighter. Soon, the two are inseparable, undeniable necessities in each other’s lives. But when tragedy strikes, they are unceremoniously torn apart, sent tumbling down different paths. And with each passing day, their unbreakable bond is tested more and more.

As they endure love and heartbreak, marriage, anxiety and isolation, and the complicated existence of motherhood, Jess and Clara must learn how to love each other through it all—and whether growing up inevitably means growing apart.

Spanning two decades, Asking for a Friend follows the tempestuous journey of female friendship, exploring whether its fundamentals—history, familiarity, loyalty—are enough to make the relationship everlasting.

Genres: Fiction, Canada, Contemporary, Audiobook, Friendship

308 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 5, 2023

About the author

KERRY CLARE is the author of novels Asking for a Friend, Waiting for a Star to Fall and Mitzi Bytes, and editor of The M Word: Conversations About Motherhood. A National Magazine Award-nominated essayist, and editor of Canadian books website 49thShelf.com, she writes about books and reading at her longtime blog, Pickle Me This. She lives in Toronto with her family.

Reviews

[CarolG · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is about two people, Jess and Clara, who meet at university and become bff's but eventually drift apart and then reunite, have a disagreement and don't talk for ages, then reunite again with much heartbreak and many births in the intervening years. The End.

In spite of my lackluster review I have to admit that every time I picked the book up, I had trouble putting it back down, probably because I kept waiting for something to happen. The characters are not loveable and the chapters are looong but the writing is very good. Most of the reviews for this one are much more generous than mine so I recommend you read some of those before deciding whether to read it.

TW: Abortion, Miscarriage

Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada via Netgalley for the opportunity to read an ARC of this novel. All opinions expressed are my own.
Publication Date: September 5, 2023

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful story about the complicated bonds of female friendship and the difficulties of modern motherhood. Jess and Clara meet in college and quickly become best friends. They support one another through extremely difficult times and while they grow apart over the years they always show up when the other calls or needs them.

This was a wonderful story about life, love, marriage, motherhood and all the things life throws at you. The book addresses some difficult subjects, from infidelity, abortion, miscarriage and infertility, but is ultimately an uplifting story about the power of love.

Good on audio narrated by Kate Keenan. Highly recommended for fans of Firefly lane or The summer sisters or anyone who loves a relatable story that will tug at your heart but warm it all at the same time. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital copy and Tandem Global Collective for sending me a beautiful finished copy.

I voluntarily read and reviewed this book and all opinions are my own!

[Chelsea · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 🌟 some of this I didn't mind, but it was so heavy on abortion that it took away any hope of liking this. Jess also made motherhood seem like such a burden I don't know why she bothered.

[Rochelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Asking for a friend is a beautiful book about friendship, love, and loss. The book centers around two best friends, Jess and Clara. We meet them at university, and we see them become best friends. The author did a great job of exploring the realities and freedoms of being a young person during this time. Also, the ups and downs that can friendships can endure when you are young. As Jess and Clara get older, their lives move in different directions, and their friendship grows apart. They try on different lives in different places, but their friendship is so solid and everlasting that it always brings them back together for better or worse. Some topics and themes in the book are women’s right to choose, abortion, pregnancy loss, motherhood, and the toll of emotional labour. It shows how friendships change as we become older and enter parenthood. How even though our lives may take different paths than our best friends, there is a sacred bond that unites us.

Asking for a friend made me think about my own friendships over the years: Those with staying power. This is a book you will want to share with your best friend. 💛

[Carolyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Long-standing female friendships are a thing of beauty, but this one was… weird… It felt a little like two women trying to out-selfish each other, taking turns judging and holding grudges while still professing undying devotion to each other over the course of decades.

Other books about friendship often leave me thinking that having the characters as friends would be awesome, but in this case I’m quite ok to not know these women in real life. It was an interesting read but I’m not sad to be done it. (I read this ARC via NetGalley)

[Kristina Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the opportunity to read the ARC (Advance Reader Copy) of Asking for a Friend by Kerry Clare.
It was stated that it was for fans of Firefly Lane you would like this one. I have never read Firefly Lane but I have watched the series on TV. It was similar in many ways. It was about life and friendship. I did like it when it shared the ups and downs of real life issues. Another plus is that it is Canadian.
I would recommend this to those who like to read about friendships that last decades! I rated this book as 4 out of 5 stars.

[Joanne Gallant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently read an article where Greta Gerwig said she was only interested in telling stories about women. I felt this deeply, since those stories are what I’m mostly interested in as well.

ASKING FOR A FRIEND ticks off all the boxes of a story I love: beautiful writing, complex female characters, and moments of both heartbreak and joy.

Jess and Clara are two best friends navigating life together through all its complexities and constant-evolution. Kerry Clare writes about how difficult it can be to maintain these friendships as our priorities ebb and flow, and yet how deeply important female friendships are in all stages of life— perhaps even more-so as our lives get more complicated.

I love this book and there were many moments where I felt like it was written just for me. I know that’s not the case, but it struck me so deeply in places that it felt like the author could read my mind. (And also! One of the biggest moments of the books happens to land on my birthday!).

Kerry Clare writes eloquently about the lingering grief of miscarriage, understanding how it’s not simply a blip or temporary moment in time and allows it space to breathe on the page, while holding space for all the ways women—and mothers— experience pregnancy, abortion, loss, and motherhood.

This book felt both buoyant and deeply meaningful, the perfect end-of-summer read that struck a chord within me. I couldn’t stop reading, to follow the current of Jess and Clara’s lives, and to get lost in the momentum of this book.

It’s a story filled with nostalgia and longing and a reminder that some of our greatest loves in life are the women who carry us through the difficult times and celebrate the joyful ones. It made me want to call my best friends and thank them for sticking with me even if there are times I take too long to text back, am too caught up in my own world of lists and schedules to reach out, and that I often take their presence in my life for granted.

[Nicole H. ✨️nicoledreamsofbooks✨️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️.5 rounded to 3

This book is about a lifelong bond between two friends, Jess and Clara. Both with strong characters, this book was highly character driven, but sadly, I couldn't connect with either and found this to be quite a negative and unhealthy friendship. If this were a real-life friendship for me, it probably would have ended. 


There were elements of a touching story through their losses and journey in life. Kerry Clare is a fantastic writer and storyteller, but this story just didn't resonate with me, but it may for others!


Please make sure to check the trigger warnings ⚠️ 


A special thank you to @tandemcollectiveglobal and @doubledayca for having me in your read along (it was my first one!!)

[Brenna Hogg • Really Into Reading · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately this one didn’t really work for me. I love a story about friendship, specifically female friendships, but I actually thought this one gave them a bad name; I felt like their relationship was very unhealthy (Jesse in particular needed to get some boundaries).

The premise had so much potential but between their unhealthy relationships and the fact that neither Jess or Clara were particularly likable, I actually dreaded having to pick this one up. I hate when reading feels like a chore…

[Laurie Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an epic novel that spans a decades long friendship between two women and their ups and downs, marriages, and children.

I liked it, I like to rawness of a long friendship and I sure as heck like reading about it.

But perhaps because I am not a mother I felt a bit of a disconnect. I did understand the point of friendships changing when someone becomes a mother.

Clare is a great writer, I always enjoy her stories.

[syd · Rating 3 out of 5]

3⭐️
i won this book in a goodreads giveaway which was super exciting because i never win anything!! the story was good but a little boring, it’s about the friendship between two girls who meet in university. i kinda felt like their relationship was a bit toxic and maybe they shouldn’t be friends🤷🏼‍♀️ i also found that i didn’t really like either of the characters but especially did not like clara!

[Isabelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book focuses on the intertwined destinies of two friends, Clara and Jess, from the start of their friendship at university in 1998 until 2016. Themes of female friendship, love, pregnancy, abortion, fertility, miscarriage, family, and work intertwine, as do the chapters, which sometimes give way to Clara, sometimes to Jess. Each, in her own way, will encounter obstacles and face heartbreaking choices that will lead to a unique life experience. This friendship is put in jeopardy on a few occasions; the reader witnesses these break-ups and reunions as time and pages go by. I sometimes found myself in certain aspects of this book, which reflects today's society and its challenges.

This story doesn't contain any WOW elements as such, but it reads very well. The story is sometimes intimate, sometimes sharp, sometimes touching, but always true, between two friends who compare their lives to children's stories with gloomy endings.

All in all, a good read, although I couldn’t read it in one sitting. I found that some parts of the story included too much detail and others not enough, somewhat lacking that balance that keeps me hooked...

A special thank you to Doubleday Canada for this giveaway. I am submitting here my unbiased and voluntary review and opinion.

[April Mandusic · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved how absolutely relatable so many of the scenes are for any woman, especially a mother. It was like Kerry was reading my mind at some point when she described so many fears and insecurities a mother or a friend could feel at any given point. I think this is a gift the author has to articulate the specific back and forth thoughts that run through women’s minds. I’m just so impressed with how she captures this.

I also enjoyed how both women were so different in their life experiences, their paths, and the way in which the experience the same or similar events. While they are so different, their connection continues in strength which highlights the commonalities, while complex, that women carry.

This story of the ups and downs of friendship while life takes twists and turns is a wonderful reflection on the struggles we all face finding and keeping connection with the people we find and hope to remain bonded to. It shows the work that goes into maintaining that bond, especially when confronted with conflicting expectations and the divergence of life experiences.

[Laurie • The Baking Bookworm · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a well-written, character-driven story about the bond between two women who first meet in university. The story follows Jess and Clara through the ups and downs, the life changes, loves and losses that impact their decades-long friendship.

Beginning when they meet in university and continuing for two decades, we witness how their once close friendship experiences transitions when Jess and Clara's lives diverge as they start careers, marry, and have children. They now have different outlooks in life, disparate financial security and motherhood styles and soon find themselves growing apart physically and emotionally for periods at a time. But through the struggles and the joys, Clare shows the complexities of female friendship and its enduring nature as these bonds change, grow and hopefully strengthen.

This is a book that will make you want to connect with your girlfriends who knew you 'back when'. The ones that held your hand when that boy didn't like you back, didn't mock you for that horrid perm your Nana gave you in Grade 6 and made you laugh so much you had milk come out your nose. These are the friendships where you pick up right where you left off, regardless of the time that has passed. These women are your people!

This new book by Toronto-based author Kerry Clare explores the pivotal female friendships that pull us through life's changes, helping us weather the traumatic times and bask in the amazing nature and power of female friendship. Asking For A Friend takes a raw and unabashed look at the joys, challenges and different experiences we have as mothers and tackles important social topics impacting women today - including the right to choose, abortion, motherhood, breastfeeding and the emotional, physical and social toll of motherhood - making it an excellent choice for book clubs.

Disclaimer: My sincere thanks to DoubleDay Books and Penguin Random House Canada for the advanced copy of this book which was given in exchange for an honest review.

[Jeatherhane Reads · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good friends, in my experience, are the people who value me for who I am, who encourage me and lift me up. In Asking for a Friend, Jess and Clara are best friends, but I only know this because it is explicitly stated. With the exception of the opening chapter, the reader is kept at a distance from whatever experiences keep these two bonded as soulmate friends, and we are shown in detail the ways that they pick each other apart. They are both so self-absorbed and spend twenty years being judgmental of each other’s decisions.

The story cycles through many possible ways women’s bodies can be used (there are some triggers relating to fertility and pregnancy) and it briefly touches on some social justice issues at the end, but on a whole it isn’t a cohesive narrative.

At one point, the two bond over a mutual hatred of the novel My Brilliant Friend. I thought this was an odd choice for the author to make. Yes, Lila and Lenu are terrible to each other, and their friendship is complex because of their life circumstances. In the Neapolitan novels the portrayal of friendship is intimate, and the bond between friends is understandable and inevitable. Inviting a comparison to My Brilliant Friend does Asking for a Friend a disservice.

I enjoyed participating in the #TandemReadalong for this book. There were some good moments in the narrative - I loved the fairy tale thread and wish it had been more in evidence throughout - but overall it didn't work for me.

AD-PR product Thanks @doubledayca and @tandemcollectiveglobal for the review copy of Asking for a Friend.

[Lisa Goodmurphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Asking for a Friend is a well-written book about female friendship from Canadian author, Kerry Clare. Jess and Clara meet in their dorm during their first year of university in 1998 and feel an instant connection although Jess is a bit awestruck by worldly Clara and Clara who travelled during a two year long "gap year" has struggled to fit in with the other younger girls in the dorm. The two young women become inseparable over the next four years until tragedy tears them apart shortly before graduation. The novel follows them over two decades of friendship as their lives take divergent paths and they deal with relationships, careers, heartbreak, marriage and motherhood.

Jess and Clara's story shows the messy but real ups and downs of friendship, the challenge of maintaining friendships over time and the difficulty of determining whether a friendship is worth maintaining or whether it should be let go when friends no longer have as much in common. Over the course of their 20 year friendship, there are difficult issues addressed including abortion rights, infertility, and pregnancy loss. The setting of the novel isn't specified but there are enough street names and descriptions of places that it is recognizable as Toronto which I enjoyed as well.

Asking for a Friend is an engaging book that will make you contemplate your own friendships particularly which ones have weathered ups and downs over the decades and which ones fell by the wayside. It will also make you feel grateful for those special friendships that sustain us through all the challenges that life throws our way. This novel would be a great pick for a book club as it will definitely prompt some meaningful discussions on the nature and importance of friendship.

Thank you to Penguin Randomhouse Canada for the complimentary copy of Asking for a Friend. All opinions are my own.

[Lindsay (lindsaysalwaysreading) Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

I admit, I judged this one by its cover a little bit. I thought it was going to be light and summery, but it had so much more depth than that!

Asking for a Friend follows Jess and Clara's friendship over the course of two decades, from their chance encounter in university well into adulthood (and motherhood). Their friendship must endure many hardships, lengthy separations, and the new people who come into their lives. Do they have what it takes to go the distance?

I enjoyed this one! The writing style really worked for me, and I stayed engaged throughout (not to mention stayed up late to finish it!). Clare did a great job of creating very different characters with enough similarities to keep their bond believable. There was a much larger focus on motherhood than I expected, and it touched on some heavy subjects. I liked her nod to Summer Sisters, one of my favourite female friendship stories!

If you enjoy stories of female friendships, or the challenges of motherhood, please read this one when it comes out on September 5th.

Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada, Doubleday Canada, Net Galley and Kerry Clare for the ARC of this book.

3.5

[Charlene Carr]

I can't remember the last time I felt so seen while reading a novel. Kerry Clare writes with such candour and tenderness about the unique and complex beauty that is long term female friendship, and about the trials, joys, and sometimes obsessive behaviour around motherhood - the decisions to become or not become mothers and how so many of these 'decisions' are not actually ours to make at all and leave scars that follow us for years, often complicating already complicated friendships even further.

This story is joyful and heartbreaking in equal measure, a love story of female friendship, which can be in some ways more intimate and enduring than the love story we have with our partners, and I highly recommend it.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I must admit that I am a Kerry Clare book lover. I was very excited to get this book. It did not disappoint! It made me think of my girlfriends and the ones I am not in contact with anymore…..I will not take all the blame but you do have to give and take to keep the relationship going! I am very thankful for all my girlfriends, from grade school, nursing school and meeting when I became a Mom and all others in between and still meeting.
Happy reading!

[Sarah Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful. Felt like a warm hug, literally couldn’t put it down. Stories about women are just 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[Nat Lev · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and couldn’t put it down! It was such a well written and in depth look at female friendships. Kerry Clare’s writing was so vivid and painted such a good picture of the inner narratives of the two main characters. I especially appreciated the different perspectives of their journeys through motherhood.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fine. I expected way more as it was compared to Kristin Hannah’s Firefly Lane.

Both main characters annoyed me, one more than the other but I didn’t like or connect with either of them. I felt the author could have dig deeper into each characters live instead of just giving us an outside view.

There was also a lot of discussion about getting pregnant, fertility treatments and staying pregnant that took up way to much focus for my liking.

Thank you to Netgalley, Penguin Random House Canada and Doubleday Canada for the advance copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Christine B · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh, it was about a lifelong friendship, but I’m not sure I’d want a friend like that. Was an interesting portrayal of life as you grow and how things change and friendship changes but I found it too real it was a little depressing. Wouldn’t read again.

[Leah Noble · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really lovely story, loved all the nostalgic pieces about the late nineties and early 2000's, so relatable about the friendship!

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kerry Clare is a talented Toronto-based writer. Her soon-to-be-released novel, Asking for a Friend, takes the reader on an emotional journey through the complexities of female friendship. Spanning two decades, the story delves into the highs and lows of Jess and Clara's enduring bond, from their youthful adventures to the challenges of adulthood. Clare masterfully captures the essence of growing up, growing apart, and finding our way back to those who truly matter. Her writing style is engaging and captivating. The depth of the story surprised me, touching on important topics such as women's rights, abortion, pregnancy, loss, heartbreak, the bonds that unite us and the bonds that slip away.

I highly recommend picking up Asking for a Friend when it hits bookshelves on September 25th. It is bound to evoke nostalgia and leave you pondering the bonds that define your own life. Thank you to Penguin Random House Canada, Doubleday Canada, Net Galley, and Kerry Clare for this gripping and insightful ARC.

[Ellie Lieffers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book took me on a whirlwind of emotions and both main characters had deep moments of joy, sadness, growth, grief, and just all of the emotions of womanhood. Such a gut-wrenchingly truthful display of friendship and compassion and love.

[Mary Ellen Anaka · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was asked to give an honest review by Netgalley and the publisher, so here it goes.
I didn't really like this book at all. I'm all for female friendships, but these people were horrible friends.
I was annoyed by these people from the very beginning. If I had been treated like this, I would have cut my losses.
With friends like these, who needs enemies. I didn't like any of these characters, men or women.
They were all so self-absorbed and ablivoius to things going on right in front of them.
Even years later--rape allegations, infidelity lies-- same old things going on. So if you want to know how not to treat your friends, by all means read this book.
2 out of 5.

[Sara G · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not just like this book—-I f#cking loved it. I can’t recommend this book enough and I’m so grateful to have been gifted an early copy through net galley!!

[Saltygalreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Asking For a Friend chronicles the evolution of a deep and lasting friendship between two women – Jess and Clara – over the years from meeting during the university years through young adulthood and into marriage and motherhood. Many topics and themes are covered in the novel, including the struggle to figure out one’s path and purpose in early adulthood; relationships and the inevitable stumbles on the road to finding a partner; sexuality, fertility and abortion; the joy and exhaustion of parenting and the challenge of striving for a career while being a mother.

This novel has a genuine and heartfelt appeal and feels like it is close to the author’s heart. Jess and Clara are two quite different personalities, as best friends often are. They support each other through difficult life experiences and ultimately land in very different lives. These differences threaten to tear them apart and in fact they do, for a time. What I enjoyed about this was the fact that the author never offered any easy answers or judgement for the differing choices and values. At times Jess and Clara do judge and criticize each other for their choices, but eventually come to appreciate and accept each other as they are.

As a mother with a career, I felt so seen and appreciated in Asking For a Friend. All the years of bone-aching exhaustion, anxiety, and striving to keep a shred of myself through the redefining experiences of marriage, pregnancy and motherhood were there in the pages. So too were many of the lighter and ridiculous moments: climbing over an endless sea of plastic toys that played inane ditties on an endless loop, and the feeling that I had bared my breasts to every member of my family and friends during the years of breast-feeding.

The ending felt so right – just two friends floating in the water and living in the present moment, accepting it and each other as is.

[Ms Bookmarked · Rating 3 out of 5]

Asking for a Friend seemed aptly titled when said friend in the story gave you more grief than anything. 
 
There's a deep dive into issues surrounding a woman's fertility (including TW: abortion, miscarriage) and transitioning into motherhood. While some of them I cannot connect to on a personal level, I appreciate the exploration and I'm sure it would have greatly resonated with other readers. I also liked that we get to see the two women in their different life stages and how it gradually changed their stance on being a woman. I felt that is an important topic to touch on when exploring the aforementioned issues. 
 
Yet, I can't help but feel disappointed when I was promised by the author a friendship that will make you want to call up your own girlfriends. Perhaps the story had focused much more on the conflict between the two women that I find reading their relationship to be somewhat exhausting. Good healthy relationships should generally be easy but I suppose they don't make for good stories. I longed for the banter and inside jokes, the concern and support for each other despite not seeing eye to eye, and just the general intimacy and ease between two close female friends. There's small moments of those, but I felt they were overshadowed by the constant drama between the two. 
 
All in all, Asking for a Friend had a good premise with some very important exploration into women's femininity and fertility. A story about a female friendship with two clashing personalities overcoming time and space could have been great if executed properly. 



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