Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Parent Dies

by Alan D. Wolfelt

Offering heartfelt and simple advice, this book provides realistic suggestions and relief for an adult child whose parent has died. Practical advice is presented in a one-topic-per-page format that does not overwhelm with psychological language, but provides small, immediate ways to understand and reconcile grief. Some of the action-oriented tips include writing down memories, completing a task or goal left unfinished by your deceased parent, or honoring the parent's birthday. In addition the common challenges that face grieving adult children, such as helping the surviving parent, resolving sibling conflicts, and legal and financial issues, are addressed clearly and concisely.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Jennifer nyc · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this after my mother died, and it had some helpful tips for coping with the loss of a parent. I liked the simple list format and found it best to read a few pages at a time. Overall, though, I prefer other books on grief. Maybe one reason I didn't find this book more helpful, was that it frequently made suggestions of things to do with your siblings or remaining parent. Since I'm an only child with both parents gone, I found those ideas added to my feelings of being alone.

[Lynnette Flatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

My world has not been the same since my father went to Heaven. My world changed forever the moment my husband walked towards me in the hospital and said, “He’s gone.” I am so thankful my father is not suffering the pains of addiction and disease any longer. I am so glad he is with Jesus and living his best life. However my time on earth will always have a void because he isn’t here with me. My father and I were very close. This book is helping me reconcile so much of this grief. Thank you, Alan

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this hard to read. Not because of the writing or ideas...because the content was great. I just kept getting hit by wave after wave of emotion and just getting angry. It SUCKS to lose your parent, but to have them both gone is agony. I would give the world to have them back again.
Anyway, definitely a good book to help through a rough time. I find I will be coming back to this from time to time.

[Lindsay Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very practical and helpful. I lost my dad to Covid in September and have been struggling through my grief. I’m an avid reader so I immediately searched out a book to give me some guidance as I felt extremely lost and heartbroken. This was a very easy book to read. I had to read it in short sessions as it usually resulted in lots of tears and brought my buried grief to the forefront. I felt like this book offered helpful advice and let me know what I was feeling and thinking was normal. I especially loved the “Final Word.” I cried the whole way through reading that part. ❤️

[Brian Goosen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daily devotional type of book with at gives 10 self-compassionate principles to think about after the death of your parent(s), as well as 90 other suggestions to think about while mourning your parent's death.

I would wake up and read a page a day, as this book really isn't meant for you to fly through in a day. I suggest this to anyone who has recently lost a parent. It helped me think about my mourning/grief in new perspectives and That's something we all need in such a time of need.

[Melissa Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was given to me by a friend after my dad died. It helped. It showed me I wasn't losing my mind. It told me to take care of myself, and to allow whatever ~anything~ I was feeling to be okay. To feel it. During a time of feeling lost and bewildered, this book gave me a touchstone, something to settle with, if even just for a moment of time.

I will forever be grateful to the friend who knew that I needed this.

[Lisadiana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be a wonderful devotional type book. So much so that I bought a copy of it for a friend who recently lost a parent. I still go through it time to time remembering to take care of me and that grief is a process. It will be what it will be for those going through it.

[Betsy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title sums it up well. 100 ideas on 100 pages. It is easily digestible at a time when you need to do things in your own way. Read 1 at a time or 10 at a time - it's up to you. I found comfort in some of these ideas, and I would recommend to the unfortunate others who are in the same club.

[Maureen Forys · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is old. There’s a chapter about “surfing the World Wide Web.”

This was the perfect structure for a brain that’s not at peak performance in grief. Lots of bullets. Quick. Easy tips and meaningful ideas.

[Peggy Nash · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some very helpful suggestions. I will continue to use often.

[Kathi Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series of grief books are perfect. I recommend to my clients, specific to their loss, all the time.

[I. Landreth-Rockett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful healing!!!

This book was very useful. The timing of finishing this book was absolutely a blessing. A lot of these things although I had already implemented in my life. Over the course of the past almost three years of my father’s passing. There are a lot of good principles to still implement. Appreciate it.

[Hulya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands on practical recommendations for parents whose Child died. I wish i read it at the beginning of my grief process, it would have more and better impact on my life. I agree with most of the activities and viewpoints suggested. I Highly recommend it as a grieving mom to other parents with Child loss.

[Araminta Matthews · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very practical guide to grieving

[Emily VA · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what I was looking for.

[Jaiden · Rating 1 out of 5]

Would have been fine without the religious nonsense.

[Katherine Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew. I need this, still today, a year and a half after my mother's death. Every word of it is valuable. And now I have to go write a thank you note.

[Sherri · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most helpful book of all those I have read — wish I had found it first.

[Pixismiler · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 stars. Nothing wrong with this book. Definitely geared towards people with positive relationships and for those of us who didn’t have that, it made me feel worse.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having very recently lost my mother, I am still having challenges dealing with the grief. This book with its simple tips and ideas as well as thoughts on grief and grieving, has been very helpful. Like many books, it talks about grief as a process but the author is very good about walking you through the realities of that process in a compassionate way and leads the reader to having compassion and understanding for themselves during this time. All though not every idea expressed or his "carpe diem" suggestions for activities to mourn and move to healing is applicable to me, I did several of them and highlighted multiple passages. A resource I know that I will be turning to often in the coming months.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well done, author's compassion certainly comes through in this book. The ideas are very practical and I appreciated the short amount of reading per idea during a time when concentrating can be extremely difficult. I've read through many different books and articles on grieving, but not many focus on the parent/child relationship. I will definitely be recommending this to others.

[Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comforting book for getting through and better understanding grief over the loss of a parent. Grateful to have found it at just the right time.

[Barbara]

wonderful ideas, helped me work through a difficult time.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Difficult to read but very helpful in understanding the grieving process.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical. Minimally patronizing.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Here are some of my take aways from this book:
As E.M. Forster wrote, "Unless we remember we cannot understand." And, as Kierkegaard noted, "Life is lived forward but understood backward."
CARPE DIEM Brainstorm a list of characteristics or memories of your parent. Write as fast as you can for 10 minutes (or more), then put away your list for later reflection.

You will probably experience a multitude of different emotions in a wave-like fashion. You will also likely encounter more than one need of mourning at the same time. • Be compassionate with yourself as you experience your own unique grief journey. CARPE DIEM Has anyone told you that you are in this or that "stage" of grief? Ignore this usually well-intended advice. Don't allow yourself or anyone else to compartmentalize your grief.

Make a list of the things you would like to do before you die. Spend some time ordering these things from most important to least. Take one step today towards working on your most important goal.

Write a letter to someone you love who's still alive telling her why she's so important to you. Such letters become treasured keepsakes.

Sometimes mourners feel stuck. We can feel depressed and the daily routine of our lives can be joyless. CARPE DIEM Schedule a sunrise hot air balloon ride with a trained, licensed balloonist. Toast the dawn with champagne at 2,000 feet or try one if you parents hobbies to feel closer to them.

Center for Loss website: wwwcenterforloss.com: small group retreat on "Comprehensive Bereavement Skills Training."

Thomas Moore has noted, "Silence allows many sounds to reach awareness that otherwise would be unheard."

CARPE DIEM Write down the following definition of reconciliation and post it somewhere you will see it often: It is not my goal to "get over" my grief. It is my goal to experience and express my grief and learn to live with it.

[Joe-Nathan]

This was a workbook that allowed me to open my mind and think of aspects of my Mothers death that I hadn't before.