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Manhood
'Most men are not fully alive' is the dramatic opening to Steve Biddulph's bestseller, Manhood, which has now been fully revised and updated in this 2015 edition. Exploring two critical social issues: how to establish a healthy masculinity and how men can release themselves from suffocating and outdated social moulds, Biddulph addresses the problems and possibilities confronting men in their daily lives. Women have found the book to be a profoundly moving and revealing read, while men acquire recognition and a sense of hope that life can be different. Topics include:
- Your relationship with your father
- Getting sex right
- Being a true dad
- Real male friends
- Finding a job with heart
This edition has been revised and updated to meet the needs of younger men, who are struggling with these issues in the twenty-first century.
- Your relationship with your father
- Getting sex right
- Being a true dad
- Real male friends
- Finding a job with heart
This edition has been revised and updated to meet the needs of younger men, who are struggling with these issues in the twenty-first century.
304 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 1998
67 people are currently reading
906 people want to read
About the author
Steve Biddulph
110 books175 followersStephen John Biddulph AM is an Australian author, activist and psychologist who has written a number of influential bestselling books; and lectures worldwide on parenting, and boys' education. He is married and has two children and grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
August 26, 2015
Just reading the first ten pages of this book will probably be enough to leave you in no doubt - we in the Western world have a serious problem with men. Lonely, frustrated, confused, unhappy men. Men who can’t express their emotions and either numb them or channel them in negative and violent ways towards women, children, and other men. Men whose identities are tied up in their careers, because they never learned that there were any other options. Men whose fathers were authoritarian, cold, distant, abusive, or absent, and who are perpetuating those same patterns in their own families. Particularly affecting is the section in which Biddulph explores where we as a society got our modern conception of “manliness” – and where, frankly, it all started to go wrong. If this book impresses upon you one message, it is that our concept of manhood has become warped, constricted, deranged – and is in desperate need of re-evaluation. The fact that this is just as much the case as 20 years ago when it was written is extremely worrying. Biddulph doesn’t mince words – he cuts straight to the point and tells it like it is, succinctly but deeply exploring the problems of modern manhood, with a writing style that is refreshing and at times devastatingly emotional. So much so that the friend who lent it to me said that it made him cry – and if you think there’s anything wrong with that, then this book is for you in particular!
As a psychologist, I always approach self-help books with extra skepticism, and many of these “guides to life” have failed my tests and ended up on the living room floor 20 pages later. A particular pet peeve of mine is gender-based self-help books (see my review of “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps" – spoiler alert, it sucks). Whenever I come across a sentence that goes something like, “men are like this, and women are like that”, I reach for the nearest alcoholic beverage and prepare my throwing arm. Biddulph, while approaching this line, actually does a good job of not crossing it. He mostly stays away from simplistic gender divisions, instead portraying manhood as a varied and complex concept. When he makes assertions such as, for instance, “men need to access their wild, natural self”, he’s not indicating that women do not. He may focus on men, but many of the statements he makes about them can also apply to women, and he doesn’t try and suggest otherwise. (Throwing arm, you can relax now). Rather than perpetuate inane gender stereotypes, Biddulph includes in his concept of masculinity things like empathy, compassion, tenderness and emotional expressiveness (what many see as typically “feminine” traits). Biddulph argues against superficial “Venus/Mars” gender-type divisions and claims that many “masculine” archetypes – think of the stern disciplinarian father, the largely absent financial provider, the work-addicted alcohol-addicted husband, the aggressive, violent male - are actually symptoms of the immature, insecure, perverted and destructive definition of “male” that our culture foists upon men.
Despite all the resistance I put up, this book cut through my fortified defences and, for the most part, made a huge amount of sense on both a personal and professional level. Biddulph is not afraid to criticise the modern conception of masculinity, to explore the gaps left by the feminist movement, to make risky assertions such as saying that children need adult role models of both sexes to have the best chances in life – essentially to make the kind of bold assertions that have me gleefully poking as many holes and mustering as many counter-arguments as I possibly can (don’t judge me about how I get my kicks, alright?). But here, my hole-poking often felt shallow, unconvincing, and strangely unsatisfying. I mean, you could point out the fact that there isn’t any specific inclusion of homosexual men, that sex is defined as “the meeting between man and woman”; some readers might see this as an egregious oversight - at best accidental, at worst malicious. I have to admit, it did set off an alarm in my mind, a whooping tone that went something like, “What about the gays! What about the gays!” In his defence though, just because gay men aren’t specifically mentioned, that does not mean they are excluded. A lot of the core principles here can be applied to anyone in any kind of relationship, outside of the specifically targeted audience of “heterosexual Australian men”. Many of the scenarios that involve men and women would work just as well with the gender roles reversed, or with both sexes the same, or with the nationality changed - the underlying message is what counts. Indeed, as a woman, although I was reading a book “for men”, I still found useful discussions and examples that applied to my life and relationships.
That’s not to say that I didn’t find some weak points. In one or two sections Biddulph makes the same mistake as every other self-help book I’ve ever read – he cites correlational data and makes unfounded causal inferences from them. (I hereby pledge 100 gold doubloons to the writer of the first self-help book I find that doesn’t contain this fallacy.) He is definitely at his best when speaking from the heart and sticking with therapeutic principles. I also found his assertion that “Christian sex education succeeds far better than secular forms” – rather hilarious because Christianity and sex education have what you could only describe as an abusive relationship. One that could probably use some sex education.
By far the weakest chapter is the one on spirituality – an over-long section in which Biddulph cultivates an adoring, salivating relationship with his own words. It is in this chapter that we find him asserting his belief that his old high school friend killed himself because he studied science and wasn’t religious - the same chapter in which he encourages a love of the natural world (seemingly without realising that science is all about the natural world). Anyway, this chapter partially redeems itself in its discussion of the “Wild Man” and the need for all of us to access this ancient, spontaneous, intuitive part of the self; however, like the rest of the chapter, this section is long and over-indulgent.
In conclusion, Biddulph’s book is a challenging and important one; his writing is sharp, compassionate and brutally honest, and hopefully this book will make whoever reads it think hard about manhood and question some common cultural assumptions. Even if you don’t agree with him, you’ll have to think about WHY you don’t agree and that’s still making you think.
As a psychologist, I always approach self-help books with extra skepticism, and many of these “guides to life” have failed my tests and ended up on the living room floor 20 pages later. A particular pet peeve of mine is gender-based self-help books (see my review of “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps" – spoiler alert, it sucks). Whenever I come across a sentence that goes something like, “men are like this, and women are like that”, I reach for the nearest alcoholic beverage and prepare my throwing arm. Biddulph, while approaching this line, actually does a good job of not crossing it. He mostly stays away from simplistic gender divisions, instead portraying manhood as a varied and complex concept. When he makes assertions such as, for instance, “men need to access their wild, natural self”, he’s not indicating that women do not. He may focus on men, but many of the statements he makes about them can also apply to women, and he doesn’t try and suggest otherwise. (Throwing arm, you can relax now). Rather than perpetuate inane gender stereotypes, Biddulph includes in his concept of masculinity things like empathy, compassion, tenderness and emotional expressiveness (what many see as typically “feminine” traits). Biddulph argues against superficial “Venus/Mars” gender-type divisions and claims that many “masculine” archetypes – think of the stern disciplinarian father, the largely absent financial provider, the work-addicted alcohol-addicted husband, the aggressive, violent male - are actually symptoms of the immature, insecure, perverted and destructive definition of “male” that our culture foists upon men.
Despite all the resistance I put up, this book cut through my fortified defences and, for the most part, made a huge amount of sense on both a personal and professional level. Biddulph is not afraid to criticise the modern conception of masculinity, to explore the gaps left by the feminist movement, to make risky assertions such as saying that children need adult role models of both sexes to have the best chances in life – essentially to make the kind of bold assertions that have me gleefully poking as many holes and mustering as many counter-arguments as I possibly can (don’t judge me about how I get my kicks, alright?). But here, my hole-poking often felt shallow, unconvincing, and strangely unsatisfying. I mean, you could point out the fact that there isn’t any specific inclusion of homosexual men, that sex is defined as “the meeting between man and woman”; some readers might see this as an egregious oversight - at best accidental, at worst malicious. I have to admit, it did set off an alarm in my mind, a whooping tone that went something like, “What about the gays! What about the gays!” In his defence though, just because gay men aren’t specifically mentioned, that does not mean they are excluded. A lot of the core principles here can be applied to anyone in any kind of relationship, outside of the specifically targeted audience of “heterosexual Australian men”. Many of the scenarios that involve men and women would work just as well with the gender roles reversed, or with both sexes the same, or with the nationality changed - the underlying message is what counts. Indeed, as a woman, although I was reading a book “for men”, I still found useful discussions and examples that applied to my life and relationships.
That’s not to say that I didn’t find some weak points. In one or two sections Biddulph makes the same mistake as every other self-help book I’ve ever read – he cites correlational data and makes unfounded causal inferences from them. (I hereby pledge 100 gold doubloons to the writer of the first self-help book I find that doesn’t contain this fallacy.) He is definitely at his best when speaking from the heart and sticking with therapeutic principles. I also found his assertion that “Christian sex education succeeds far better than secular forms” – rather hilarious because Christianity and sex education have what you could only describe as an abusive relationship. One that could probably use some sex education.
By far the weakest chapter is the one on spirituality – an over-long section in which Biddulph cultivates an adoring, salivating relationship with his own words. It is in this chapter that we find him asserting his belief that his old high school friend killed himself because he studied science and wasn’t religious - the same chapter in which he encourages a love of the natural world (seemingly without realising that science is all about the natural world). Anyway, this chapter partially redeems itself in its discussion of the “Wild Man” and the need for all of us to access this ancient, spontaneous, intuitive part of the self; however, like the rest of the chapter, this section is long and over-indulgent.
In conclusion, Biddulph’s book is a challenging and important one; his writing is sharp, compassionate and brutally honest, and hopefully this book will make whoever reads it think hard about manhood and question some common cultural assumptions. Even if you don’t agree with him, you’ll have to think about WHY you don’t agree and that’s still making you think.
December 2, 2013
A book about the Men's Movement. It had some ideas I strongly agreed with such as the need to be among nature, and the notion that there is a difference between men dominating society and successfully leading society.
-"The idea of liberating women from men assumes that men were somehow the winners in a power struggle and that power was what life was all about. Feminism assumed that men were having a good time. The men were on top, but were not winners. Its much more realistic to say that both men and women were trapped in a system which damaged them both. The way forward lies not in women fighting men but in women and men together fighting the ancient stupidities that have been bequeathed to them." p23-24
-"many married men seem to become progressively more child-like, dependent and helpless in their interactions with their wives...the wife has been given the role of permission-giver or mother-figure by the male... progressively, the man begins to distrust his own judgement and taste." p101-102
-the above behaviour can lead to boredom and an attitude that "I'm afraid to do what I really want to do, or express how I really feel, so I'll avoid feeling guilty by staying at home. But you aren't going to get any satisfaction from my presence either."
-tips for being a father: speak to your child during pregnancy so that it starts to hear and recognise your voice. hold them often when they are small, they will feel your voice resonate in your chest. Hold them against your bare chest, so they start to recognise your smell and its association with manliness - sweaty, natural, clean. make sure you are doing this at the hospital. don't be separated from your wife and child, dont let the nurses take the child away, be there throughout the night. Take 1-3 months off work so that you can unhurriedly adjust to being with the child.
-play wrestling is a good developmental game for young children, which should be done with their father. helps them know how to restrain their strength
-at the age when sons break away from their mothers (~14), the child may start getting cranky or abusive. It is the father's role to step in and say "You should be disappointed with yourself, to be using those words against your mother. You can argue, but do not ever disrespect or threaten her. Otherwise, you will have me to deal with."
-"for aeons of time before this, boys grew up with the sweetness of male teaching from several older men who took pride and placed great store in their maturation." p30
-father hunger is the deep biological need for strong, humorous, hairy, wild, tender, sweaty, caring, intelligent masculine input. For long satisfying hours spent learning to be confident and capable in the world, in the pleasure of doing and making, striving together and laughing at adversity, learning the joy of being a man from men who know these things and are willing to share them." p31
-"most men have been subservient too - to a dehumanizing system that only grew worse with the advent of the industrial era." p32
-"sexism teaches us to think of men as one giant organism that has been dominant for thousands of years, and that can handle or even deserves, a generation or two of abuse. The reality is that men have the same insecurities as women, and the generation of abuse has already had dire consequences for male mental health." p35
-"everyone these days accepts that a parent has the power to crush a child's self esteem. Few realise that a child, in time, holds this same power in reverse." p42
-"eventually though you have to tell your father (and your mother) what you feel and all that you feel" p43
-"many men go to their graves convinced they have been an inadequate human being. They do this because of the lack of respect that has developed with those they love." p43
-"they fall into a fearful hopelessness, having fully accepted the generic diminished idea of father. I am the son of defective male material, and I'll probably be the same as he is." p44
-when talking to your father: keep an open mind, ask for the true story about his life and how it was for him during your childhood, ask him about his work, his life, the decisions he made, DO NOT JUDGE! Ask him how his childhood was, what was it like to raise a family?
-"they attack the respect for masculine integrity that every father, underneath, wants to pass on to his grandchildren and great grandchildren." p54
-"the deep connection that is the real goal of lovemaking - looking soft-eyed into one another's faces, hearts open, bodies relaxed and abandoned, gradually letting go of all defences in trust of each other and of the natural power that possesses you." p59
-"I never made love before, I just screwed... Some kind of incredible warmth, my whole body was filled with it and I didn't want to leave her or roll away from her. I wanted to get closer to her, very close. I could feel the warmth of her body against mine, soft and gentle and for the first time in my life I stayed in a woman's arms and fell asleep." p60
-"we start life as tender babies and spend our whole life just regaining that absolute openness and trust." p60
-"we think of romance as standing on an ocean beach watching the moon rise, of dining by candlelight, making love on a rug by a fireside or impulsively falling to the ground together in long grass, laughing and pulling off each other's clothes to explore the warm skin beneath. Sex is about going back to nature, giving way to wildness - something you should never be too old for. Romance means bringing a wild heart to an erotic body, 'with the naked earth beneath us and the universe above'." p61
-focus less on the physical and more on the sensory, emotional experience. Ask the girl how she would like to feel.
-"when women's bodies are used to sell commodities, then everyone is misused." p64
-"a creature of low self esteem, the creep feels he cannot develop sustained intimate friendships with others. Despairing of the inter subjective happiness, he takes the other, the woman as an object to exploit as best he can. This is a cynical attempt to validate himself through domination... The creep is a man who fails to live up to the romantic ideal and who feels crushed, bitter and resigned to this failure. And since most men suffer defeat in the romantic meritocracy at one time or another, the cripple can find his identity partially located in the world of men... The creep can find a bond with any men who indulge in misogyny." p67
-"boys who excessively succumb to peer group pressure invariably have weak or absent fathers." p70
-"women don't turn you on. You turn yourself on, by the way you focus on women." p76
-fighting/disagreement is good for a relationship, and needs rules: not physical, no walking away, no put down language, on topic don't bring other material, listening to other's p.o.v, take time out if required
-"I will not allow anyone to talk to me in the way you have." p86
-its good to have your own area. Don't be in a house w only her furnishings and decor. Have a room for me!
-"the very thing that makes him a good husband - his devotion to being a stable provider - wears out his spirit and makes him boring. Finding little reward in their boring lives or their sexlife, she starts to cool down. She exerts her perfect right to not make love. The man sulks, suffers, grouches and schemes to no avail." p96
-"the man in this position usually acts in a weak and helpless way. Thus just makes him even less appealing to his wife, however much she may sympathize." p97
-"some friends are on the side I'd your marriage and happiness, however a whole other group, both married and single, are losers with women and are glad to see you having problems too. They don't want you to stay married. Misogynous men are found everywhere." p98
-"learn to be persistent and courtly. Be protective. Don't crowd her. Work to win her over. If sometimes you don't succeed don't take it personally." p99
-"many men have their wide and mother mixed up." p99
-"sport is one of the primary sources for shaping a defective masculine image - arrogant, elitist, violent, unfeeling, individualistic, competitive" p144
-"retirement, for men, is a bad idea. When you retire, you die - although your body might go on for a few more years." p163
-"Zeus energy. This is the ideal of leaders with no ambition other than the wellbeing of their community. Idealists don't see leadership as attractive or even a sound idea. And so the leadership roles are taken by power freaks and egotistically-driven men - the men with the worst possible reason for being in charge." p163
-"In Australia, our leaders and managers make the fatal mistake of thinking that leading is all about economics...people are led by the heart. True leadership means getting involved with people - it's an interpersonal job, a fathering job." p164
-"a leader, a man has to draw on basic fatherly qualities: nurturing, challenging, praising, disciplining, teasing, ensuring individual development of staff." p165
-"(men have) become removed from Nature, which kept them connected to feelings." p168
-"All this hard work and distress, and this debt - for what? So you can watch some cheap video, and eat junk food, and look at your neighbourhood falling apart, and the shopping centre full of plastic signs and noise and carelessness?" michael leunig p169
-"I like sex, I like eating, I like going to bed at night - those fundamental things. These are terribly central and important. I like gardening, I like digging a hole. I like constructing things. I like to paint...I think people are deprived somewhat by modern life; the chance to be of some clear value to the society or to a person, to save someone's life, or to pick someone off the road or to help them." p170
-"Little boys start out warm and affectionate. In the younger grades of school, they have their arms about each other. They are still tender and kind to younger children, unfussed about being with girls and able to cry over a dead pet or a sad story." p176
-"Our non-acceptance of gays actually exacts a severe price on every straight young man. it leads to the self-censoring of any warmth, creativity, affection or emotionality amongst the whole male gender...when we oppress gay people, we oppress ourselves as well. No-one feels free to be himself or herself." p177-178
-"If I am sitting down relaxed, and another man comes and sits down next to me, I first run a threat that he is no physical threat. The i get to assessing whether he is stronger, has better clothes, or is more athletic. If he is with a woman, I look for signs that she doesnt really like him. If the carpark is within view, I check out his car for a comparison to my own. The inner competition goes on and on." p178-9
-"I am teaching myself to see other men as brothers - with good things to give and to receive." p179
-"It's nothing complicated just "How is your life going?"...the opportunity for a very natural and necessary part of men's soul development is missing from our lives. Imagine how tense women would be if they couldn't talk to other women about these things." p184
-"we simply must provide a means for men to express their grief." p185
-"failing to feel one single emotion leads to a shutdown in the full spectrum of feelings." p185
-"the other reason for male friends is to have fun. The kind of fun that is noisy, energetic, affectionate, ribald, accepting, careful under the playfulness but free from respectability and restraint." p186
-"Be affectionate. Give straight compliments from time to time." p188
-"Listen to your friend's problems without trying to minimise them or give advice." p188
-"the closer man gets to inner and outer wildness, the better things will go." p196
-an initiatory journey has 3 steps: 1. separation from family 2. frightening/dangerous jounrye helped along by strangers, resulting in vulnerability and the breaking of fears 3. return home changed
-"Why is it that the wisest, most solid and most trustworthy men we all know are also the ones who love fishing or gardening, bushwalking, the sea, the weather...in the wind, under the stars and in the crash of waves - is where the find invigorating communion with the Wild Man." p218
-"If you are a man, civilisation will kill you." p219
-"Man's cathedrals only mimic the arches and dappled sunlight of the forest. Our music only echoes the sound of wind and birds. Drugs simulate the rush and exhilaration of being alive in such places. Alcohol copies the relaxation and brotherhood of being exhausted in the business of just staying alive in the bush w friends" p220
-"The idea of liberating women from men assumes that men were somehow the winners in a power struggle and that power was what life was all about. Feminism assumed that men were having a good time. The men were on top, but were not winners. Its much more realistic to say that both men and women were trapped in a system which damaged them both. The way forward lies not in women fighting men but in women and men together fighting the ancient stupidities that have been bequeathed to them." p23-24
-"many married men seem to become progressively more child-like, dependent and helpless in their interactions with their wives...the wife has been given the role of permission-giver or mother-figure by the male... progressively, the man begins to distrust his own judgement and taste." p101-102
-the above behaviour can lead to boredom and an attitude that "I'm afraid to do what I really want to do, or express how I really feel, so I'll avoid feeling guilty by staying at home. But you aren't going to get any satisfaction from my presence either."
-tips for being a father: speak to your child during pregnancy so that it starts to hear and recognise your voice. hold them often when they are small, they will feel your voice resonate in your chest. Hold them against your bare chest, so they start to recognise your smell and its association with manliness - sweaty, natural, clean. make sure you are doing this at the hospital. don't be separated from your wife and child, dont let the nurses take the child away, be there throughout the night. Take 1-3 months off work so that you can unhurriedly adjust to being with the child.
-play wrestling is a good developmental game for young children, which should be done with their father. helps them know how to restrain their strength
-at the age when sons break away from their mothers (~14), the child may start getting cranky or abusive. It is the father's role to step in and say "You should be disappointed with yourself, to be using those words against your mother. You can argue, but do not ever disrespect or threaten her. Otherwise, you will have me to deal with."
-"for aeons of time before this, boys grew up with the sweetness of male teaching from several older men who took pride and placed great store in their maturation." p30
-father hunger is the deep biological need for strong, humorous, hairy, wild, tender, sweaty, caring, intelligent masculine input. For long satisfying hours spent learning to be confident and capable in the world, in the pleasure of doing and making, striving together and laughing at adversity, learning the joy of being a man from men who know these things and are willing to share them." p31
-"most men have been subservient too - to a dehumanizing system that only grew worse with the advent of the industrial era." p32
-"sexism teaches us to think of men as one giant organism that has been dominant for thousands of years, and that can handle or even deserves, a generation or two of abuse. The reality is that men have the same insecurities as women, and the generation of abuse has already had dire consequences for male mental health." p35
-"everyone these days accepts that a parent has the power to crush a child's self esteem. Few realise that a child, in time, holds this same power in reverse." p42
-"eventually though you have to tell your father (and your mother) what you feel and all that you feel" p43
-"many men go to their graves convinced they have been an inadequate human being. They do this because of the lack of respect that has developed with those they love." p43
-"they fall into a fearful hopelessness, having fully accepted the generic diminished idea of father. I am the son of defective male material, and I'll probably be the same as he is." p44
-when talking to your father: keep an open mind, ask for the true story about his life and how it was for him during your childhood, ask him about his work, his life, the decisions he made, DO NOT JUDGE! Ask him how his childhood was, what was it like to raise a family?
-"they attack the respect for masculine integrity that every father, underneath, wants to pass on to his grandchildren and great grandchildren." p54
-"the deep connection that is the real goal of lovemaking - looking soft-eyed into one another's faces, hearts open, bodies relaxed and abandoned, gradually letting go of all defences in trust of each other and of the natural power that possesses you." p59
-"I never made love before, I just screwed... Some kind of incredible warmth, my whole body was filled with it and I didn't want to leave her or roll away from her. I wanted to get closer to her, very close. I could feel the warmth of her body against mine, soft and gentle and for the first time in my life I stayed in a woman's arms and fell asleep." p60
-"we start life as tender babies and spend our whole life just regaining that absolute openness and trust." p60
-"we think of romance as standing on an ocean beach watching the moon rise, of dining by candlelight, making love on a rug by a fireside or impulsively falling to the ground together in long grass, laughing and pulling off each other's clothes to explore the warm skin beneath. Sex is about going back to nature, giving way to wildness - something you should never be too old for. Romance means bringing a wild heart to an erotic body, 'with the naked earth beneath us and the universe above'." p61
-focus less on the physical and more on the sensory, emotional experience. Ask the girl how she would like to feel.
-"when women's bodies are used to sell commodities, then everyone is misused." p64
-"a creature of low self esteem, the creep feels he cannot develop sustained intimate friendships with others. Despairing of the inter subjective happiness, he takes the other, the woman as an object to exploit as best he can. This is a cynical attempt to validate himself through domination... The creep is a man who fails to live up to the romantic ideal and who feels crushed, bitter and resigned to this failure. And since most men suffer defeat in the romantic meritocracy at one time or another, the cripple can find his identity partially located in the world of men... The creep can find a bond with any men who indulge in misogyny." p67
-"boys who excessively succumb to peer group pressure invariably have weak or absent fathers." p70
-"women don't turn you on. You turn yourself on, by the way you focus on women." p76
-fighting/disagreement is good for a relationship, and needs rules: not physical, no walking away, no put down language, on topic don't bring other material, listening to other's p.o.v, take time out if required
-"I will not allow anyone to talk to me in the way you have." p86
-its good to have your own area. Don't be in a house w only her furnishings and decor. Have a room for me!
-"the very thing that makes him a good husband - his devotion to being a stable provider - wears out his spirit and makes him boring. Finding little reward in their boring lives or their sexlife, she starts to cool down. She exerts her perfect right to not make love. The man sulks, suffers, grouches and schemes to no avail." p96
-"the man in this position usually acts in a weak and helpless way. Thus just makes him even less appealing to his wife, however much she may sympathize." p97
-"some friends are on the side I'd your marriage and happiness, however a whole other group, both married and single, are losers with women and are glad to see you having problems too. They don't want you to stay married. Misogynous men are found everywhere." p98
-"learn to be persistent and courtly. Be protective. Don't crowd her. Work to win her over. If sometimes you don't succeed don't take it personally." p99
-"many men have their wide and mother mixed up." p99
-"sport is one of the primary sources for shaping a defective masculine image - arrogant, elitist, violent, unfeeling, individualistic, competitive" p144
-"retirement, for men, is a bad idea. When you retire, you die - although your body might go on for a few more years." p163
-"Zeus energy. This is the ideal of leaders with no ambition other than the wellbeing of their community. Idealists don't see leadership as attractive or even a sound idea. And so the leadership roles are taken by power freaks and egotistically-driven men - the men with the worst possible reason for being in charge." p163
-"In Australia, our leaders and managers make the fatal mistake of thinking that leading is all about economics...people are led by the heart. True leadership means getting involved with people - it's an interpersonal job, a fathering job." p164
-"a leader, a man has to draw on basic fatherly qualities: nurturing, challenging, praising, disciplining, teasing, ensuring individual development of staff." p165
-"(men have) become removed from Nature, which kept them connected to feelings." p168
-"All this hard work and distress, and this debt - for what? So you can watch some cheap video, and eat junk food, and look at your neighbourhood falling apart, and the shopping centre full of plastic signs and noise and carelessness?" michael leunig p169
-"I like sex, I like eating, I like going to bed at night - those fundamental things. These are terribly central and important. I like gardening, I like digging a hole. I like constructing things. I like to paint...I think people are deprived somewhat by modern life; the chance to be of some clear value to the society or to a person, to save someone's life, or to pick someone off the road or to help them." p170
-"Little boys start out warm and affectionate. In the younger grades of school, they have their arms about each other. They are still tender and kind to younger children, unfussed about being with girls and able to cry over a dead pet or a sad story." p176
-"Our non-acceptance of gays actually exacts a severe price on every straight young man. it leads to the self-censoring of any warmth, creativity, affection or emotionality amongst the whole male gender...when we oppress gay people, we oppress ourselves as well. No-one feels free to be himself or herself." p177-178
-"If I am sitting down relaxed, and another man comes and sits down next to me, I first run a threat that he is no physical threat. The i get to assessing whether he is stronger, has better clothes, or is more athletic. If he is with a woman, I look for signs that she doesnt really like him. If the carpark is within view, I check out his car for a comparison to my own. The inner competition goes on and on." p178-9
-"I am teaching myself to see other men as brothers - with good things to give and to receive." p179
-"It's nothing complicated just "How is your life going?"...the opportunity for a very natural and necessary part of men's soul development is missing from our lives. Imagine how tense women would be if they couldn't talk to other women about these things." p184
-"we simply must provide a means for men to express their grief." p185
-"failing to feel one single emotion leads to a shutdown in the full spectrum of feelings." p185
-"the other reason for male friends is to have fun. The kind of fun that is noisy, energetic, affectionate, ribald, accepting, careful under the playfulness but free from respectability and restraint." p186
-"Be affectionate. Give straight compliments from time to time." p188
-"Listen to your friend's problems without trying to minimise them or give advice." p188
-"the closer man gets to inner and outer wildness, the better things will go." p196
-an initiatory journey has 3 steps: 1. separation from family 2. frightening/dangerous jounrye helped along by strangers, resulting in vulnerability and the breaking of fears 3. return home changed
-"Why is it that the wisest, most solid and most trustworthy men we all know are also the ones who love fishing or gardening, bushwalking, the sea, the weather...in the wind, under the stars and in the crash of waves - is where the find invigorating communion with the Wild Man." p218
-"If you are a man, civilisation will kill you." p219
-"Man's cathedrals only mimic the arches and dappled sunlight of the forest. Our music only echoes the sound of wind and birds. Drugs simulate the rush and exhilaration of being alive in such places. Alcohol copies the relaxation and brotherhood of being exhausted in the business of just staying alive in the bush w friends" p220
December 24, 2021
At first I was hesitant to pick up this book let alone read the pages. Manhood? Men's Movement? Oh no, I'm about to step into a feminist bashing male privileged mindset stating that men are crying victim. What I didn't expect was how this was a ode to the lost art of manhood and wanting to be the other half of feminism that have both struggled (differently mind you) from a broken system. Before I continue this book agrees with feminism with mostly everything. Men are broken from the system we live in, being trapped by our emotions that we are taught not to express, and although it is amazing that women have found feminism to help them rise, men need assistance to stop being broken to make men and women safer from broken men!
I felt as if the book was speaking directly to me, growing up with a deceased father and an overly attached mother treating me as an adult and support system since I was 10 years old, they made comparisons that I completely related to, how I thought, and how my previous relationships with women have ran its course and failed (besides when I decided to have more responsibility in my current relationship, leading into a beautiful engagement with my true soulmate).
I have no father, no mentors, no role models, no parenting, no rituals, no religion, and no initiation into manhood, making me feel as if I am just pretending most of the time to be a man and now possibly realizing that if I had kids of my own I would have no idea how to successfully parent. I have kept my distance from my dad's friends that have been nothing but kind and friendly, fearing that they no longer want to speak with me because they have family's and kids of their own.
I just assumed that depression was inescapable and my situation was what it was; There was no healing to be done. I was self-made. I was fine.....No, I am not and I need healing more than I have ever known because of this book. I want to become the best man that I can be, and to do that I need to make some positive changes and do some reflection on how I see other men.
Now, this book was perfect for me (although it is dated in the 90's) as a heterosexual cis male. I tried to imagine how this book might come across to the homosexual male, or the trans male (or non-binary person) and I am not sure how some ideas may come across. I do think however the basic practices are important in this book, such as minding a mentor to help you discover who you are, rituals and healthy transitions that section who you were and who you have become. For me, "manhood" makes sense and it is something I can relate to, but I do believe that this does have some great practices for just people in general, but you know, us humans love to categorize ourselves. We hate labels but we love labels!
I hope this book (or the revised version that I have not read) helps people become better people.
Well, time to go heal.
I felt as if the book was speaking directly to me, growing up with a deceased father and an overly attached mother treating me as an adult and support system since I was 10 years old, they made comparisons that I completely related to, how I thought, and how my previous relationships with women have ran its course and failed (besides when I decided to have more responsibility in my current relationship, leading into a beautiful engagement with my true soulmate).
I have no father, no mentors, no role models, no parenting, no rituals, no religion, and no initiation into manhood, making me feel as if I am just pretending most of the time to be a man and now possibly realizing that if I had kids of my own I would have no idea how to successfully parent. I have kept my distance from my dad's friends that have been nothing but kind and friendly, fearing that they no longer want to speak with me because they have family's and kids of their own.
I just assumed that depression was inescapable and my situation was what it was; There was no healing to be done. I was self-made. I was fine.....No, I am not and I need healing more than I have ever known because of this book. I want to become the best man that I can be, and to do that I need to make some positive changes and do some reflection on how I see other men.
Now, this book was perfect for me (although it is dated in the 90's) as a heterosexual cis male. I tried to imagine how this book might come across to the homosexual male, or the trans male (or non-binary person) and I am not sure how some ideas may come across. I do think however the basic practices are important in this book, such as minding a mentor to help you discover who you are, rituals and healthy transitions that section who you were and who you have become. For me, "manhood" makes sense and it is something I can relate to, but I do believe that this does have some great practices for just people in general, but you know, us humans love to categorize ourselves. We hate labels but we love labels!
I hope this book (or the revised version that I have not read) helps people become better people.
Well, time to go heal.
December 3, 2014
Nic asi nevystihne knihu lépe než samotný text na přebalu:
„Musím vás varovat (a usmívám se při tom), že čtení této knihy nezůstane bez následků. Muži, kteří ji čtou, se často spontánně rozpláčou. Někdy všeho nechají a vydají se za svými rodiči a sourozenci, s nimiž už se nestýkali. Někteří opustí zaměstnání, které je ničí, a dokonce se vzdají i vysokých výdělků. Po dlouhé době znovu začnou brát své ženy něžně za ruku. Ve sprše si zpívají. Jejich děti je začínají mít rády.“
---------citace----------
ruské přísloví: dokud jste se nepoprali, nejste skuteční přátelé
Je nesmyslné živit, šatit a draze vzdělávat dítě, které pak bude zabito, skončí na drogách nebo ve vězení jen proto, že jste byli zaneprázdněni, než abyste je mohli doprovázet na nesnadné cestě k mužství.
Právě tehdy, když vám připadá, že si dítě zaslouží vaši lásku nejméně, ji potřebuje nejvíce. Kim Payne: Simplicity Parenting
Pět pravd o mužství
1. Jednou zemřeš.
2. Život je těžký
3. Nejsi tak důležitý
4. Ve tvém životě nejde o tebe.
5. Konečný výsledek nemáš ve svých rukou.
Opravdu solidní muž musí mít některé ze starých mužských kvalit. Musí mít srdce A TAKÉ páteř.
Je to (masturbace) dlouhodobý koníček, který ovšem nikdo neuvádí v dotaznících.
Když je chlapci čtrnáct let, jeho hladina testosteronu prudce stoupne - je o osm procent výš než v deseti letech. Čtrnáctiletý je schopen pohádat se i s dopravní značkou.
Ve starých kulturách dostávali chlapci od mužů dlouhý a intenzivní výcvik. I kdyby dnešní muži věděli, jak na to, jsou příliš zaneprázdněni, než aby se takovému výcviku svých synů mohli dostatečně věnovat. Výsledkem jsou fotbalisté, kteří se chovají jako idioti, opilí klackové, kteří se potloukají po ulicích, mladíci, kteří znásilňují nebo zabíjejí.. nejčastěji však prostě muži, kteří nevědí, jak žít.
Být mužem je samo o sobě tím nejvýznamnějším rizikovým faktorem.
Musím vás varovat (a usmívám se při tom), že čtení této knihy nezůstane bez následků. Muži, kteří ji čtou, se často spontánně rozpláčou. Někdy všeho nechají a vydají se za svými rodiči a sourozenci, s nimiž už se nestýkali. Někteří opustí zaměstnání, které je ničí, a dokonce se vzdají i vysokých výdělků. Po dlouhé době znovu začnou brát své ženy něžně za ruku. Ve sprše si zpívají. Jejich děti je začínají mít rády.
Zatímco církev nás uvrhla do neštěstí odsouzením sexu jako něčeho hříšného, nové náboženství konzumu sex povyšuje na nutnost. Billboardy se sexuální tématikou a reklamy na nás útočí ze všech stran. Nejrozšířenějším dnešním obrazem , umístěným zpravidla dvacet metrů vysoko, aby na něj všichni viděli, je dospívající dívka v sexuální póze. V mužích tyto obrazy vyvolávají frustraci a rozmrzelost, v ženách naopak pocit nejistoty, protože nevypadají stejně dobře. Těžko říci, zda toto veřejné vystavování erotických obrazů někoho někoho činí šťastným.
Jak to vyjádřil Gore Vidal, ze sexuální revoluce se stal sexuální cirkus.
Mladí muži mívají sklon k domýšlivosti. Jejich optimismus je okouzlující, ale mělký - protože ještě nikdy nebyl prověřen.
Buďme k sobě zcela upřímní: někteří lidé nemají na výběr. Mají mizernou a špatně placenou práci a s tím, co za ni dostanou, sotva vyjdou. Takových lidí však není mnoho a vy k nim pravděpodobně nepatříte. Jste vzdělaní a sečtělí, takže si můžete vybírat.
...lidé neočekávali od práce, že jim poskytne základní životní kontext a smysl. Když měli svůj kostelík a pěvecký sbor a mohli se těšit na víkendové tancovačky, bylo snesitelné i rubání uhlí kilometr pod zemským povrchem.
Jste-li bohatí, a přitom máte málo času na skutečný život, asi jste se spletli...
Lovcům a sběračům stačily k zajištěný potravy, oděvu a přístřeší nanejvýš dvě až tři hodiny denně. Znali jsme svůj svět, měli jsme kulturu a příběhy, byli jsme tvořiví a uměli milovat. Dvanáctileté dítě dokázalo poznat stovku rostlin, které byly pro něj užitečné, vědělo, kdy a kde rostou a jak se zpracovávají. Po většinu času jsme se učili a věnovali se kulturním a náboženským aktivitám.
Je alarmující vidět rodiče, jak své malé děti trápí výukovými kartičkami a nutí je přibírat si nepovinné předměty, jako by rozevírali poupě, aby se dříve rozvinulo.
„Musím vás varovat (a usmívám se při tom), že čtení této knihy nezůstane bez následků. Muži, kteří ji čtou, se často spontánně rozpláčou. Někdy všeho nechají a vydají se za svými rodiči a sourozenci, s nimiž už se nestýkali. Někteří opustí zaměstnání, které je ničí, a dokonce se vzdají i vysokých výdělků. Po dlouhé době znovu začnou brát své ženy něžně za ruku. Ve sprše si zpívají. Jejich děti je začínají mít rády.“
---------citace----------
ruské přísloví: dokud jste se nepoprali, nejste skuteční přátelé
Je nesmyslné živit, šatit a draze vzdělávat dítě, které pak bude zabito, skončí na drogách nebo ve vězení jen proto, že jste byli zaneprázdněni, než abyste je mohli doprovázet na nesnadné cestě k mužství.
Právě tehdy, když vám připadá, že si dítě zaslouží vaši lásku nejméně, ji potřebuje nejvíce. Kim Payne: Simplicity Parenting
Pět pravd o mužství
1. Jednou zemřeš.
2. Život je těžký
3. Nejsi tak důležitý
4. Ve tvém životě nejde o tebe.
5. Konečný výsledek nemáš ve svých rukou.
Opravdu solidní muž musí mít některé ze starých mužských kvalit. Musí mít srdce A TAKÉ páteř.
Je to (masturbace) dlouhodobý koníček, který ovšem nikdo neuvádí v dotaznících.
Když je chlapci čtrnáct let, jeho hladina testosteronu prudce stoupne - je o osm procent výš než v deseti letech. Čtrnáctiletý je schopen pohádat se i s dopravní značkou.
Ve starých kulturách dostávali chlapci od mužů dlouhý a intenzivní výcvik. I kdyby dnešní muži věděli, jak na to, jsou příliš zaneprázdněni, než aby se takovému výcviku svých synů mohli dostatečně věnovat. Výsledkem jsou fotbalisté, kteří se chovají jako idioti, opilí klackové, kteří se potloukají po ulicích, mladíci, kteří znásilňují nebo zabíjejí.. nejčastěji však prostě muži, kteří nevědí, jak žít.
Být mužem je samo o sobě tím nejvýznamnějším rizikovým faktorem.
Musím vás varovat (a usmívám se při tom), že čtení této knihy nezůstane bez následků. Muži, kteří ji čtou, se často spontánně rozpláčou. Někdy všeho nechají a vydají se za svými rodiči a sourozenci, s nimiž už se nestýkali. Někteří opustí zaměstnání, které je ničí, a dokonce se vzdají i vysokých výdělků. Po dlouhé době znovu začnou brát své ženy něžně za ruku. Ve sprše si zpívají. Jejich děti je začínají mít rády.
Zatímco církev nás uvrhla do neštěstí odsouzením sexu jako něčeho hříšného, nové náboženství konzumu sex povyšuje na nutnost. Billboardy se sexuální tématikou a reklamy na nás útočí ze všech stran. Nejrozšířenějším dnešním obrazem , umístěným zpravidla dvacet metrů vysoko, aby na něj všichni viděli, je dospívající dívka v sexuální póze. V mužích tyto obrazy vyvolávají frustraci a rozmrzelost, v ženách naopak pocit nejistoty, protože nevypadají stejně dobře. Těžko říci, zda toto veřejné vystavování erotických obrazů někoho někoho činí šťastným.
Jak to vyjádřil Gore Vidal, ze sexuální revoluce se stal sexuální cirkus.
Mladí muži mívají sklon k domýšlivosti. Jejich optimismus je okouzlující, ale mělký - protože ještě nikdy nebyl prověřen.
Buďme k sobě zcela upřímní: někteří lidé nemají na výběr. Mají mizernou a špatně placenou práci a s tím, co za ni dostanou, sotva vyjdou. Takových lidí však není mnoho a vy k nim pravděpodobně nepatříte. Jste vzdělaní a sečtělí, takže si můžete vybírat.
...lidé neočekávali od práce, že jim poskytne základní životní kontext a smysl. Když měli svůj kostelík a pěvecký sbor a mohli se těšit na víkendové tancovačky, bylo snesitelné i rubání uhlí kilometr pod zemským povrchem.
Jste-li bohatí, a přitom máte málo času na skutečný život, asi jste se spletli...
Lovcům a sběračům stačily k zajištěný potravy, oděvu a přístřeší nanejvýš dvě až tři hodiny denně. Znali jsme svůj svět, měli jsme kulturu a příběhy, byli jsme tvořiví a uměli milovat. Dvanáctileté dítě dokázalo poznat stovku rostlin, které byly pro něj užitečné, vědělo, kdy a kde rostou a jak se zpracovávají. Po většinu času jsme se učili a věnovali se kulturním a náboženským aktivitám.
Je alarmující vidět rodiče, jak své malé děti trápí výukovými kartičkami a nutí je přibírat si nepovinné předměty, jako by rozevírali poupě, aby se dříve rozvinulo.
June 26, 2012
It has to be said straight out, that I (as a female) am not the intended audience of this book. However, both my husband and his brother read it and seemed to get a lot of out it and in the intro it talks about being a valuable resource for mothers of boys (of which I am)...so I read it.
The first quarter of the book was okay. There were no great revelations and nothing that has not been touched on by other authors. The next half was really quite good and I started contemplating buying the book for my husband/son. There were also a few snippets which I think are valuable snippets irrespective of gender (ie removing competitiveness from friendships and finding meaning in work)...
However, with Steve Buddulph books, he seems to get angry towards the end of the book and the tone changes. Whether he runs out of wine by the time he gets to this stage, I don't know - but the tone always changes. In the previous book I read it was the childcare chapter (where in my opinion he was both contradicted himself and became overly opinionated). In this book it was when he single handedly blamed physics for resulting in his friend's suicide....well that might be a bit of an exaggeration but listen:
"Science was his religion. Yet the values of science - especially physics which was his passion - are mechanical and empty.......
......but this was not the curriculum of high schools circa 1965. My friend got science for religion, and it wasn't enough to keep him alive".
This just irked me no end (and like his previous book) it resulted in me throwing it across the room. Physics is my passion in life and in NO WAY is it mechanical and empty. Mr Biddulph goes on about the importance of getting in touch with nature bla bla bla...but then calls the most beautiful element of science (which studies the very laws of nature) empty. Yeah. Right. It also appears that he failed psychology stats and research methodology as he clearly needs explained to him the difference between correlation and causation. Maybe his friend wanted to understand why the world was the way it was and physics gave him the answers he was searching for.....I think Mr Biddulph needs to pick up a physics books and re-connect with the world in which he is writing. I teach physics and I teach it with passion and enthusiasm - because it is amazing, awe-inspiring and life-shattering. Unfortunately, although I think this would be a good book for my son to read down the track, he won't be getting it without these pages ripped out as there is enough negativity and sadness in the world without blackening one of the science which opens our eyes to how truly amazing the universe is and how amazingly precious life is.....ok. Rant over. No more Biddulph for me.
The first quarter of the book was okay. There were no great revelations and nothing that has not been touched on by other authors. The next half was really quite good and I started contemplating buying the book for my husband/son. There were also a few snippets which I think are valuable snippets irrespective of gender (ie removing competitiveness from friendships and finding meaning in work)...
However, with Steve Buddulph books, he seems to get angry towards the end of the book and the tone changes. Whether he runs out of wine by the time he gets to this stage, I don't know - but the tone always changes. In the previous book I read it was the childcare chapter (where in my opinion he was both contradicted himself and became overly opinionated). In this book it was when he single handedly blamed physics for resulting in his friend's suicide....well that might be a bit of an exaggeration but listen:
"Science was his religion. Yet the values of science - especially physics which was his passion - are mechanical and empty.......
......but this was not the curriculum of high schools circa 1965. My friend got science for religion, and it wasn't enough to keep him alive".
This just irked me no end (and like his previous book) it resulted in me throwing it across the room. Physics is my passion in life and in NO WAY is it mechanical and empty. Mr Biddulph goes on about the importance of getting in touch with nature bla bla bla...but then calls the most beautiful element of science (which studies the very laws of nature) empty. Yeah. Right. It also appears that he failed psychology stats and research methodology as he clearly needs explained to him the difference between correlation and causation. Maybe his friend wanted to understand why the world was the way it was and physics gave him the answers he was searching for.....I think Mr Biddulph needs to pick up a physics books and re-connect with the world in which he is writing. I teach physics and I teach it with passion and enthusiasm - because it is amazing, awe-inspiring and life-shattering. Unfortunately, although I think this would be a good book for my son to read down the track, he won't be getting it without these pages ripped out as there is enough negativity and sadness in the world without blackening one of the science which opens our eyes to how truly amazing the universe is and how amazingly precious life is.....ok. Rant over. No more Biddulph for me.
October 3, 2018
I first read this as a teenager. It's the nearest thing I've ever experienced to that old cliché: it really was a "life changing" read for me. Growing up without much in the way of positive male role models (often quite the opposite in fact), this became my guidebook. I didn't want to be like the guys I saw and experienced around me. I wanted to be better. More real, in touch and able to express myself.
This book went a long way to helping me better understand myself, and what it means to be a real, authentic Male in this day and age. Every 2-3 years I get it out and read it cover to cover just to reaffirm I'm on the right track, and being true to what I value most.
Recommended reading for ALL guys both young and old, and the woman who love them - be they partners, mothers, siblings, or friends.
This book went a long way to helping me better understand myself, and what it means to be a real, authentic Male in this day and age. Every 2-3 years I get it out and read it cover to cover just to reaffirm I'm on the right track, and being true to what I value most.
Recommended reading for ALL guys both young and old, and the woman who love them - be they partners, mothers, siblings, or friends.
October 27, 2018
Essential user guide for men to know how to apply themselves better. A lot of things are about building discipline, not about novelty.
March 4, 2016
Kdo trochu Biddulpha zná, sloh knihy ho tolik nepřekvapí. Trochu emotivně tlačí na některé oblasti tak, aby nás dostal tam, kde nás potřebuje mít. Podložení těch tvrzení, kterými nás pak dostává do těch koutů, trochu schází. Ale - zdá se, že to dělá pro dobrou věc ;-)
Jestli si něco z této knihy odnesu, tak to jsou rozhodně rozebrané vztahy mezi muži. Já ↔ otec, já ↔ syn, já ↔ jiný chlap, případně můj syn ↔ jiný chlap. Kapitoly týkající se těchto vztahů byly určitě něco, co mne obohatilo - minimáně mě to přimělo se nad tím vším zamyslet (a ještě nad tím určitě přemýšlet budu).
Kapitoly, které se týkaly vztahu se ženami, mi přišly malinko nezajímavé, neb jsem většinu z toho znal a věděl, mnoho let úspěšně praktikuji. Tím nechci říci, že by byly špatné, kdybych je četl o 20 let dříve, možná bych je ocenil více. Závěr knihy byl na mne příliš smyslový a spiritualistický.
Jestli si něco z této knihy odnesu, tak to jsou rozhodně rozebrané vztahy mezi muži. Já ↔ otec, já ↔ syn, já ↔ jiný chlap, případně můj syn ↔ jiný chlap. Kapitoly týkající se těchto vztahů byly určitě něco, co mne obohatilo - minimáně mě to přimělo se nad tím vším zamyslet (a ještě nad tím určitě přemýšlet budu).
Kapitoly, které se týkaly vztahu se ženami, mi přišly malinko nezajímavé, neb jsem většinu z toho znal a věděl, mnoho let úspěšně praktikuji. Tím nechci říci, že by byly špatné, kdybych je četl o 20 let dříve, možná bych je ocenil více. Závěr knihy byl na mne příliš smyslový a spiritualistický.
January 26, 2017
For any Australian man, or man of any culture, this book has a lot to offer.
It helped me get in touch with some of those unaquireable answers to those questions we dare not ask another man for fear of rejection, ridicule or awkwardness.
I found it emotionally opening and challenging. Recommended.
It helped me get in touch with some of those unaquireable answers to those questions we dare not ask another man for fear of rejection, ridicule or awkwardness.
I found it emotionally opening and challenging. Recommended.
May 23, 2018
A good read.
Upside: covers a couple of different but imporatnt topics for a man. It inspired me to do some things which is not bad for a book!
Downside:
Author has strong opinions on some things and present them as 'truth' which I don't like anymore (but yeah, it's present in most of the books :P)
Upside: covers a couple of different but imporatnt topics for a man. It inspired me to do some things which is not bad for a book!
Downside:
Author has strong opinions on some things and present them as 'truth' which I don't like anymore (but yeah, it's present in most of the books :P)
July 11, 2012
Kniha moudrá a přitom vůbec nepůsobí nafoukaně. Hodně mi pomohla uvolnit se a ujasnit si životní priority.
August 12, 2018
The first edition, not found on here.
December 12, 2022
This book came to me by way of a recommendation from a close friend. Didn’t think I needed to read it..
wow was I wrong. This a life changing book for everyman needing to understand why certain feelings deep inside come up, why some anger rises out of nowhere. If you a man read this book, if you don’t get much out of it , put is away and it again a few years later.. at the right time this book is amazing and life altering in every way.
wow was I wrong. This a life changing book for everyman needing to understand why certain feelings deep inside come up, why some anger rises out of nowhere. If you a man read this book, if you don’t get much out of it , put is away and it again a few years later.. at the right time this book is amazing and life altering in every way.
July 7, 2022
Biddulph gives insight as the emergence of toxic masculinity in our age. Overall, this is not his concern. His concern is a healthy corrective: to turn out strong, decent men. Recommended by a mate who, in a time of identity crisis used this as his 'bible'. Glad he did. Well worth a read.
November 29, 2010
Having read Raising Boys, I was very keen to read Manhood, and I wasn't disappointed. Steve's style of writing is very easy for all people to read and enjoy. He presents things clearly and isn't afraid to challenge other 'expert opinions'.
When I read this book, it not only made me realise many things about my husband, my 2 boys, my father and step-father, and my brother, but many things about myself too. It was like I was seeing so many things that had been glaringly obvious for so long but having lived with them for so long, I had become oblivious to them. Other things he mentions, I knew about having been through therapy, others through reading books on emotional intelligence and psychology, not to mention having been married for 14 years! I am also blessed that I have many male friends who have allowed me insights into their minds; and hearts.
Understanding boys and men, and the importance of male mentors outside of the immediate (nuclear) family is key for every woman.
This book highlights the need for more male teachers, apprenticeships, a social network for fathers and boys to share, and it highlights key reasons as to why so many of my male AND female friends are still single. The women want a man to be in touch with his emotions, security and someone to 'fight' for her honour and that of their future family - but not with a punch up, with their heart, mind and voice. and the men just want to very valued for their mind as well as their physical abilities. They want their emotions nurtured but not made fun of.
I have never really been attracted to the 'meat head' kind of guy, or a man that cannot connect to his heart and show his emotions. I feel like I struck gold when I met my husband, not only was he a strong man mentally and physically but he was strong emotionally and had the confidence to show his emotions - the fire in his belly and the tears whilst watching a moving film.
This is a book to be kept to hand, to keep referring to and to share with the men in your family and social network. Families and communities need strengthening, and this book can help. One man at a time.
When I read this book, it not only made me realise many things about my husband, my 2 boys, my father and step-father, and my brother, but many things about myself too. It was like I was seeing so many things that had been glaringly obvious for so long but having lived with them for so long, I had become oblivious to them. Other things he mentions, I knew about having been through therapy, others through reading books on emotional intelligence and psychology, not to mention having been married for 14 years! I am also blessed that I have many male friends who have allowed me insights into their minds; and hearts.
Understanding boys and men, and the importance of male mentors outside of the immediate (nuclear) family is key for every woman.
This book highlights the need for more male teachers, apprenticeships, a social network for fathers and boys to share, and it highlights key reasons as to why so many of my male AND female friends are still single. The women want a man to be in touch with his emotions, security and someone to 'fight' for her honour and that of their future family - but not with a punch up, with their heart, mind and voice. and the men just want to very valued for their mind as well as their physical abilities. They want their emotions nurtured but not made fun of.
I have never really been attracted to the 'meat head' kind of guy, or a man that cannot connect to his heart and show his emotions. I feel like I struck gold when I met my husband, not only was he a strong man mentally and physically but he was strong emotionally and had the confidence to show his emotions - the fire in his belly and the tears whilst watching a moving film.
This is a book to be kept to hand, to keep referring to and to share with the men in your family and social network. Families and communities need strengthening, and this book can help. One man at a time.
February 1, 2017
In this book (1995 ed.) Biddulph unearths a great deal of 'hidden in plain sight' features of modern masculinity, looking at historical and social patterns to shape his arguments. The author is an enthusiastic guide and educator with lots of professional experience in this area as a counsellor and therapist. By and large the concepts (e.g. various social roles and relationships, the 'men's movement', emotional literacy, school, sex, work, fatherhood, spirituality) are introduced and explored with tact, humour and depth that remains accessible to a lay reader. There is a bullet-point summary of the ideas and strategies covered at the end of each chapter, as well as a section quoting the thoughts of other writers on respective topics. Biddulph quotes Robert Bly and John Lee extensively, and the fact that the book was originally conceived of as a study of others' writings shows that the book isn't meant to be novel or totally original, but instead is meant to be a contribution to the advancement of the 'Men's Movement,' which is positioned as a kind of empowering discourse for men in a similar way that feminism is empowering for women; similar also in that it aims to benefit both genders. Despite a few ideas that didn't convince due to scanty reasoning or personal bias (e.g. his teenage friend topped himself because of the inability of science to nourish the soul; homosexuality can be the result of deficient fathering), the bulk of the book's arguments and insights are convincing, and a revelation to read.
June 5, 2016
A great book for Brethren beta males from NZ and Australia. His premise lays blame for mental illness on a lack of male bonding and father figures. Could be. But I'd put it down to a lack of sunshine.
Also, this does not translate to the Asian cultural setting or experience. Dad is highly qualified and supportive, yet has the EQ of a 5 year old. Is spending any more or less time going to change this? No.
Steve gives the impression that most men are stoic, heroic manly men. In my experience, nothing could be farther from the truth. It is mostly a façade. That said a woman wouldn't find a blanket wrapped weepy man (think Linus of Peanuts fame), a winning proposition. Feel free to correct me, ladies.
Men and women are not equal. The new age male overdosing on phytoestrogens may say otherwise. Our differences is what fundamentally underpins attraction. If you were gay, then yes, you'd ensure all parts are somewhat equal. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Or manly men needing brotherly support. However I have to draw the line at sleepovers with armed and mentally unstable folk. Why anyone in their right mind thinks friends with guns is a good thing, will remain an enigma. Fortuitously this isn't a problem I'm currently grappling with.
Also, this does not translate to the Asian cultural setting or experience. Dad is highly qualified and supportive, yet has the EQ of a 5 year old. Is spending any more or less time going to change this? No.
Steve gives the impression that most men are stoic, heroic manly men. In my experience, nothing could be farther from the truth. It is mostly a façade. That said a woman wouldn't find a blanket wrapped weepy man (think Linus of Peanuts fame), a winning proposition. Feel free to correct me, ladies.
Men and women are not equal. The new age male overdosing on phytoestrogens may say otherwise. Our differences is what fundamentally underpins attraction. If you were gay, then yes, you'd ensure all parts are somewhat equal. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Or manly men needing brotherly support. However I have to draw the line at sleepovers with armed and mentally unstable folk. Why anyone in their right mind thinks friends with guns is a good thing, will remain an enigma. Fortuitously this isn't a problem I'm currently grappling with.
June 5, 2017
For people with very small lives ONLY.
On reading this limp 'self help' book I felt embarrassed for the author: He's still only there? I constantly thought.
The author has very little life experience, has ignorantly assessed himself as some sort of suburban Buddha, and then written this lame book of skin-crawling 'wisdom' to those with even plainer lives.... at his local church NB. The only good thing in this whole book are some of the quotes, of which there are a strangely large amount - because the author could not integrate the wisdom contained in these quotes into his own world view.
If you, yourself, have been out and about, heard some lions raw and even smelt their bad breath, then this is not the book for you!
If you social experience revolves around a white church, then maybe.
On reading this limp 'self help' book I felt embarrassed for the author: He's still only there? I constantly thought.
The author has very little life experience, has ignorantly assessed himself as some sort of suburban Buddha, and then written this lame book of skin-crawling 'wisdom' to those with even plainer lives.... at his local church NB. The only good thing in this whole book are some of the quotes, of which there are a strangely large amount - because the author could not integrate the wisdom contained in these quotes into his own world view.
If you, yourself, have been out and about, heard some lions raw and even smelt their bad breath, then this is not the book for you!
If you social experience revolves around a white church, then maybe.
January 5, 2018
mhhh, honestly i do not know what this book is about.
What I get out from this book is: its about "man movement", it states what are man and what we should do to have feel fulfilment and have wonderful, peaceful life. That friendship is good, hugging too. That rape is not good, killing yourself too, beating women is no go too. I agree THESE ARE THINGS NO TO DO. But in manhood book writing this is raising questions to whom this book is addressed?
For sure this book has its own audience. Its more for broken man who have issues with parents and for parents that have issues communicating with children. It can open some eyes and make a difference.
There were few good paragraphs in book so i give it 2 stars.
What I get out from this book is: its about "man movement", it states what are man and what we should do to have feel fulfilment and have wonderful, peaceful life. That friendship is good, hugging too. That rape is not good, killing yourself too, beating women is no go too. I agree THESE ARE THINGS NO TO DO. But in manhood book writing this is raising questions to whom this book is addressed?
For sure this book has its own audience. Its more for broken man who have issues with parents and for parents that have issues communicating with children. It can open some eyes and make a difference.
There were few good paragraphs in book so i give it 2 stars.
June 7, 2010
A good read and written from the heart. One quibble is that he quotes rather excessively from Robert Bly's "Iron John" --- from where a lot of his ideas and terminology seem to come.
Also, don't be fooled: the guy on the cover isn't the author --- you can see HIS photo at the back of the back and, well, he's distinctly less rugged/outdoorsy looking... I know this shouldn't detract from the message of the book, but it did give me a minor "Donna Chang" (Seinfeld) moment.
Also, don't be fooled: the guy on the cover isn't the author --- you can see HIS photo at the back of the back and, well, he's distinctly less rugged/outdoorsy looking... I know this shouldn't detract from the message of the book, but it did give me a minor "Donna Chang" (Seinfeld) moment.
June 9, 2015
What an amazing book to read. I feel like everyone needs to sit and read this book. That it is just what this world needs and seems so truthful and insightful. I feel like I have been gifted a glimpse into men and particularly my husband and what he is going through as a man in his various roles. I really hope he reads this book. And to be honest i can think of about 5 men i think i want to gift this book to.
November 25, 2012
Read this several years ago. Recall being relieved that someone was making sense of the confuses views of men that we seem to hold in the U.K. Went on to see him do a talk at local theatre ... excellent, earnest, unassuming, evidence-based, very valuable resource. Now have 3 boys, and need to re-read for both them and myself!
February 14, 2013
My father gave me a copy of this book and it not only helped me understand him better as a man, but also myself. It is an extremely well thought out and researched and covers every aspect of a man's life. I can imagine that any woman who struggles to understand why her man does what he does would also get a lot from this boo,
March 7, 2011
An interesting look at what it is to be a man and the need for ritual to guide us on the journey to becoming men. It has made me reconsider my involvement in the lives of my friends sons and how I could be a better role model.
January 16, 2016
A very simple to read book that shows honesty and caring can be traits of the male. The advice and view of how men live/exist in this modern western world are especially helpful. I will be passing this onto my son...
May 7, 2016
All men - 8 to 80 - need to read this book. I gave it to my sons, my father and my brother. Doesn't matter if their significant others read it or not but men need to read this many times to understand themselves.
May 15, 2007
Great for us women to get a man's view on manhood beyond the usual stereptypes. Humourous and engaging, is bound to help with husband-wife relationships.
February 28, 2010
I loved this book it made me understand men better
October 25, 2010
never finished it, crap.
October 9, 2012
An excellent and outstanding book.
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