Greetings from the afterlife. Here I am, fulfilling a lifelong dream, interviewing one of my all-time life idols. He is one the most accomplished proponents of counterculture, one of the fines journalist, writers and outlaw thinkers to grace the world. He is the great and the dead, self-proclaimed Doctor of Divinity, Hunter S Thompson.
Hunter S Thompson: Yeah, hi.
Me: Hunter, what made an ordinary hick-boy from Kentucky such a perceptive mind who prophesied so accurately on the second half of the 20th century?
HST: Drugs. A lot of them. And plenty of alcohol. Also, not believing every little shit the world tries to ram down your throat.
Me: I consider myself to be an ordinary writer, with a potential to be perhaps a little better. I also don’t mind experimenting with drugs. Would they help me be a better writer? Please say yes.
HST: I don’t know you enough, but as Faulkner said, ‘Write! If it’s good, you’ll find out. If it’s not, throw it out of the window’. Still, I definitely advocating trying drugs; it makes the journey fun.
Me: In fact, when I was 16 years old and still deciding what I wanted to be, I had a notion deep in my heart that drove me to be a journalist. However, my father - as a failed businessman who wanted to live his life vicariously through his only son - pushed me to do a business degree. 15 years on and my only professional experience is restricted to the world of marketing, albeit I am considered to be a more eloquent and intelligent version of the typical 'corporate whore'. People call me a wordsmith, and less kindly ‘the king of bullshit’. My passion, however, lies in literature and writing. I feel like a king among fools.
HST: How do you think I felt?
Me: I actually think you that were a seer; someone who knew what was going on years before it landed. Some of the things you say, like labeling the war on terror World War III is just one example of how you effortlessly articulate the deepest thoughts in my head. For example, what you said about 9/11 is spot on.
HST: You mean that there’s a very slim chance that something of that magnitude could have planned by a bunch of Arabs sitting around a campfire in Afghanistan? Of course! I stick by that.
Me: You’d be happy to know that Bush Jr. – and no-one could have put it more simply and powerfully than you when you called him the ‘goofy child-president’ – is no longer in power.
HST: Yes I know, I’ve been following everything through the celestial newswire; nothing escapes me. Hurray for Obama. It’s just a case of the emperor’s new clothes though. Remember how everyone thought Clinton was so charming?
Me: In the scheme of things though, who do you think has been the worst president the US ever had?
HST: Not just the US, but one of the world's worst. Without a doubt, that little fart, daddy’s boy George W Bush, coming from a long-list of freedom suppressing CIA and Nazi sympathisers. Have you read ‘The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich’?
Me: Not yet. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I’ve moved it to the top of my reading list.
HST: Read it and you’ll see clear parallels between Bush’s reign and Hitler.
Me: You’ve been a pessimist struggling with existentialist angst since you were arrested as a mere 9 year old for a simple act of frustration against injustice. You’ve been wrongly arrested for rape, had your house raided by police, among many, many other things in a most complete life that you've lived. You’ve seen the world go to the dogs, from the promise of the early 60’s (before Kennedy was assassinated), to the Fear and Loathing and spiritual barrenness of the 21st century. How come you didn’t commit suicide way before 2005?
HST: Once that idiot Bush got re-elected, I knew the Fourth Reich was here to stay, and I decided it was time to leave earthly matters behind. I tried desperately, but I couldn’t make a difference in this lifetime.
Me: You said that you’re a big believer in karma. When we speak of Hindu philosophy, we can’t avoid the concept of rebirth. What do you think you’ll come back as?
HST: Myself. I still have work to be done. Richard Nixon would come back as a sewer rat though.
Me: Is the American Dream officially dead?
HST: I said this many times before; the American Dream committed suicide years ago.
Me: What do you see in store for the rest of the 21st century?
HST: Exactly what you would expect from a generation of swine.
Me: OK. We’re going to turn away from politics (kind of). Did you not think it was fundamentally wrong to own guns?
HST: Is it worse for me to own guns and shoot game in my own backyard, or is it worse for glorified savages in suits to order bombs to be dropped around the most destitute villages in the world, and kill innocent women and children?
Me: OK. Point taken. Having thoroughly researched the Hell’s Angels for your book called, um, ‘Hell’s Angels’, what do you think of the modern portrayals of biker clubs, such as on TV’s Sons of Anarchy’?
HST: Absolute garbage. There’s no way a motorcycle club could have ties with the IRA. There’s no way a motorcycle club would even consider fraternizing with blacks. And there’s no way a motorcycle club would allow a woman to have anything to do with their business. So, yeah, it’s a crock of shit on multiple levels. As I said, don’t believe everything they feed you.
Me: Given that you grew up on a diet of The Doors, The Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan (among mothers), what do you make of minions like Kanye West thinking they are authoritative enough to have a say on who deserves awards for their music and who doesn't?
HST: Both you and I know that we don’t have enough time in the world to try and answer that question.
Me: I actually just finished reading Ancient Gonzo Wisdom (the version published by Picador), and I’ve found that I’m not the only one who, when looking at your face on the cover page, sees a striking resemblance to the Dalai Lama. Is this deliberate, or just a trick of the mind?
HST: I believe in subjective thought. Take it how you will.
Me: Thanks Hunter. Before I let you go back to nirvana, I have to say that you are the prophet of my soul. Even your wife Anita said you have the ‘soul of a teenage girl trapped in the body of an elderly dope fiend’. It’s not to say that either you or I or spoilt litte girls, but it suggests very correctly how sensitive, passionate and emotional we are about the things we stand for, and how deeply we loathe injustice.
HST: Shut up and pour me a glass of Wild Turkey.
Me: And just one last question: how would you define Gonzo Journalism?
HST: Put down that bottle and get off my property before I turn my .17 on you.
That is it folks. I’ll leave you with the words of PJ Rourke, who sums up the Doctor perfectly:
‘Read Beckett, Sartre, Camus, Genet and Kafka and you’ll say: “Life is absurd, the world is meaningless, and all of creation is insane”.
Read Hunter S Thompson and you’ll say: “Life is absurd, the world is meaningless, and all of creation is insane-cool!”’