The Dreaded Feast: Writers on Enduring the Holidays

by Michele Clarke, Taylor Plimpton (Editor), P.J. O'Rourke (Introduction)

The Dreaded Feast will act as a balm for the millions of people who face Christmastime with a mixture of dread and obligation. Whether it’s the last-minute shopping, the unappealing office party, or the prospect of more than 24 hours with family, it’s never easy. The anthology, which includes fiction, nonfiction, and poetry on these and many more related subjects, deflates the notion of the “perfect” holiday season, and allows the reader to commiserate and bask in the glow of a little dark, neurotic, and unflinchingly honest humor.
 
The star roster of contributors includes Jonathan Ames, Dave Barry, Robert Benchley, Charles Bukowski, Augusten Burroughs, Billy Collins, Greg Kotis, Lewis Lapham, Jay McInerney, Fiona Maazel, George Plimpton, David Rakoff, David Sedaris, Charles Simic, Hunter S. Thompson, James Thurber, Calvin Trillin, and John Waters.

Praise for The Dreaded Feast:

"A wonderfully irreverent look at the holidays. A must for the Christmas cynic on your list." 
-USA Today 
One of USA Today's 2009 "12 Books of Christmas" 

"If you embrace the darker side of Christmas, then this is definitely the book for you."
 -Chicago Sun-Times 

"Thank the 'X' in 'Xmas' for The Dreaded Feast, [which] collects essays, short stories, and poetry that attack Hallmark holidays with all the neurotic humor one expects from contributors like Jonathan Ames, Fiona Maazel, and Calvin Trillin." 
-The New Yorker 

"Amid the twinkly decorations, dancing sugar plums, and ubiquitous holiday cheer, a bracing dose of dark humor might be nice, don't you think? For book lovers, we're recommending a volume that offers just that: The Dreaded Feast." 
-Raleigh News & Observer

Genres: Christmas, Essays, Humor, Fiction, Anthologies, Holiday, Comedy

208 pages, Hardcover

First published October 1, 2009

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 5 out of 5]

"If you don't have yourself a merry little Christmas, you might as well kill yourself."
John Waters

With the holiday season now officially beginning sometime in September, it's hard to still show enthusiasm by the time the Big Event actually rolls around, and one can be forgiven for exhibiting Grinch-like tendencies by mid-December.

Never fear. You're not alone, and many beloved authors are here to help with funny stories and essays about surviving this season of enforced joy and merriment.

$$$ - Corey Ford describes a typical office Christmas party complete with pimento-cheese sandwiches, drunken secretaries, and of course, NO Christmas bonuses.

$$$ - Roy Blount, Jr. proposes changing the name Christmas to Ka-chingle Day.

$$$ - George Plimpton drolly attempts to spend $10,000 on presents for 10 celebrities. (Donald Trump receives an $800 ship-in-a-bottle, emblazoned with HIS NAME, of course.)

$$$ - And spirits visit the liberal, philanthropist great-great- grandson of Ebenezer Scrooge to teach him the meaning of a dollar and the beauty of the bottom line in Lewis Lapham's "Christmas Carol." The newly "Republicanized" Scrooge ends his day by encountering a Tiny Tim-like crippled boy and kicking away his crutch.

So, happy Santa Days to all, and here's wishing you all a few quiet moments to sneak away with a beverage and a REALLY GOOD BOOK!

[Rebecca Huston · Rating 5 out of 5]

A collection of stories about the holidays, no matter what faith you practice, and those of us who fear them. Very funny, very personal tales that should please most anyone who has ever thought that maybe they should cancel that year, or come up with the excuse, "I have to work this holiday..." Very much recommended and a perfect balm for the enforced cheerfulness of the season.

To see the entire review, please go here:
http://www.epinions.com/review/Book_T...

[Lynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good collection. Some of the (few) poems are particularly wonderful. I particularly enjoyed the contemporary contributions by, for example, Dave Barry, as the book is basically by humorists. While the collection is extremely and well varied, the level of actual humor is uneven--at least for me! But I do recommend it because a few of the pieces are laugh-out-loud, and who doesn't need that to survive the holidays?

[Susan]

I started this book in September but decided to wait until closer to the season to really read/finish it. So far I can't stop laughing and nodding my head in agreement.

So more the I read the book the more "meh" it became. I guess it started out funny to pull you in then kinda flopped. Some of the inserts in there made no sense at all. And there was no crescendo to end the book with a bang either. Overall it was "ok"

[Leslie Herbert · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a perfect example of a bunch of literary types trying to be clever. I was expecting some really good essays based on some of the contributors--Dave Barry, David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, etc. But mostly this is writing that goes over, above, around, behind and under the top to try to be cynical. Blech.

[Deborah Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who cites December as her 'worse month of the year', I was delighted to find a book of essays written by people who could relate to that sentiment. There are stories and articles - mostly funny - from every angle of 'Christmas angst'.
Having said that, it didn't necessarily make me feel better, but I definitely didn't feel like an oddball anymore.

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time! This was a great read, very funny and, oddly enough, made me think. Highly recommended for anyone who likes a good chuckle, or who has troubles with the holiday season.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first couple stories in the book were funny, clever and wickedly cynical. But then it went downhill from there. 90% of the stories felt like page fillers. Not the Christmas story roundup I was hoping for.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

*snicker* *snicker* *snort*
Whenever I read a piece by David Sedaris, I hear his voice inside my head, as if he were reading to me...

[Khanh · Rating 1 out of 5]

I gave up reading this book halfway. Some short stories at the beginning of the book were funny and quite enjoyable to read, but I couldn't bring myself to get through the ones that are one-third into the book: they were so dull and dry! I tried picking up this book again four years after; it didn't take more long to remember why I gave up on the book in the first place...

[Aimee Truchan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Expected to love this book. Great concept, poor execution. The best pieces are from Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris, both masters of satire. John Cheever’s is also good. But I couldn’t fully engage with most of the stories.

[Alice · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you want a book to suck all of the joy out of Christmas, this is the book for you. Satirical at best but other times downright sacrilegious. One or two of the short entries were worth reading, the others weren't worth the paper that they were printed on. Don't waste your time.

[Rocketkoala · Rating 3 out of 5]

0

[laila* · Rating 3 out of 5]

i’m obsessed w how much angst adults can have! hunter s was perf as usual<3 #christmasinjuly

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought it was funny. I'm surprised about the negative reviews.

[Colleen Yeany · Rating 1 out of 5]

Utterly weird and depressing.

[meg (the.hidden.colophon) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of this is completely forgettable, to be honest.

[John Hood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bound December 24, 2009

Miami SunPost

http://miamisunpost.com/themorgue/200...

Rah Rah, Humbug!

Behold, The Dreaded Feast

John Hood

Even the merriest of men and women sometimes suffer a pang of foreboding come holiday time. Others just plain can’t stand the damn season. But whether you’re the type to make a list and check it twice beginning in summer and can’t wait to get your friends under the mistletoe or you’d just as soon have Scrooge to Christmas dinner before he was visited by any bothersome ghosts, you’ll find something to delight you in a nifty little collection of season’s scribblings entitled The Dreaded Feast (Abrams $15.95).

Edited by Michele Clark and Taylor Plimpton, Feast is an almost stocking-stuffer-sized compilation of writings from some of our greatest wits. The well-read may have read some of these vignettes before. But even they will admit that no joy is loss in the re-reading. Why? Because there’ no joy there to begin with!

That’s not true of course. Even the most curmudgeonly among this group of Grinches seems to take a joyful pleasure in poking fun at the holidays. And sometimes someone gets downright giddy with glee over the proceedings.

Among the former camp, perhaps the most dispirited is Robert C. Benchley, who’s “A Christmas Spectacle” portends nothing but gloom for the sad little troops in a certain private school. Benchley, of course, was one of the more visible members of the Algonquin Roundtable and he devoted his life to poking fun at everyone. So one needs see no reason why he shouldn’t do likewise with children, no matter how hard they worked on their little Christmas play.

Coming in a close second is the indefatigable Hunter S. Thompson, whose missives to Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner recall Christmas “always being a time of angst and failure and turmoil.” But even though HST believes it’s “still only a day amateurs can love,” he at least has fun playing the curmudgeon. Then again, pushing a “600-pound red tufted-leather Imperial English couch out of a corner window” on the 85th floor of the Empire State Building would be fun at any time of the year.

John Waters, in contrast, approaches the holidays with a zeal bypassing mania. Waters, “a rabid sucker for Christmas,” starts “worrying” about shopping days as early as July. And he’s doesn’t believe anyone truly marks the occasion unless they “go deeply in debt” buying gifts for everyone they’ve come across all year ‘round. Of course since Waters “always buy[s:] in exact correlation to how much [he:] likes the recipient,” and he doesn’t like very many people much, that’s a lotta gift-buying. No matter, he prefers going into stores “at the height of Christmasmania.” And like I said, he picks up gifts beginning in summer.

Beyond what he gives others though, it’s what Waters does for himself each season that really sounds festive. On the screen there’s Silent Night, Bloody Night, Black Christmas, and Christmas Evil. On the record player, he’s got “Santa Claus is a Black Man.” And he insists that his friends buy him whatever’s been banned by the Consumer Products Safety Commission. Now that’s what I call a holiday!

But The Dreaded Feast isn’t all rah rah humbug. In fact, Mark Twain (“Susie’s Letter from Santa”) and Jay McInerney (“The Madonna of Turkey Season”) are daringly heartfelt for the holidays (albeit very differently). As is Chris Radant, whose “Home for the Holidays” begat the same-named Josie Foster flick.

Joining the aforementioned is Jonathan Ames, Lewis Lapham, George Plimpton, Augusten Burroughs, David Sedaris and – get this! – Charles Bukowski, (among many others), whose apartment seems to be a beacon for desperate beings come Christmas time. Too bad Hank’s pals didn’t have this book; it would’ve saved the beloved sourpuss a whole lotta holiday bother.

[Kest Schwartzman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hit and miss- there's some gems in here, along with a LOT of filler. Also- would be nice to list the original publication date, in a collection such as this that has stuff from such a wide range. (Thurber's essay on christmas cards and women is funny, in the context of its time, but horrid out of said context; several others I found myself looking up dates to reference whether it had started bad or just aged poorly)

[Jesse · Rating 3 out of 5]

Feast was an anthology in the broadest sense of the word. It had fictional stories, essays, and even one theological argument. One was an essay from the 2000s followed by a short story from the 1950s followed by the theological bit from the 1600s and let’s throw in some Bukowski and Sedaris for good measure.

It felt incredibly disjointed. More set-up or background going in would have been helpful. I had to figure out what was and wasn’t fiction and what took place when solely from reading. The first third was essays so randomly switching to fiction didn't help. When the material only has one thing holding it together the transitions are rough.

There were a few gems for me. Why I Love Christmas by John Waters, A Fruitcake Theory by Calvin Trillin, Home for the Holidays by Chris Radant, The Madonna of Turkey Season by Jay McInerny, Christmas Carol by Lewis Lapham, Christmas Shopping by Dave Barry, and Santa Responds.

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny, and a classic collection. The Dreaded Feastwill act as a balm for the millions of people who face Christmastime with a mixture of dread and obligation. Whether it’s the last-minute shopping, the unappealing office party, or the prospect of more than 24 hours with family, it’s never easy. The anthology, which includes fiction, nonfiction, and poetry on these and many more related subjects, deflates the notion of the “perfect” holiday season, and allows the reader to commiserate and bask in the glow of a little dark, neurotic, and unflinchingly honest humor. The star roster of contributors includes Jonathan Ames, Dave Barry, Robert Benchley, Billy Collins, Greg Kotis, Lewis Lapham, Jay McInerney, Fiona Maazel, George Plimpton, David Rakoff, Charles Simic, Hunter S. Thompson, James Thurber, Calvin Trillin, and John Waters.

[MissAliceM · Rating 3 out of 5]

As with any anthology, some of the selections are better than others. I particularly enjoyed the entries from James Thurber and George Plimpton. The entries from John Waters, Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris can be found elsewhere and therefore I had already read them. Some of the stories are completely humorless and are downright depressing, which is a little shocking in a collection that is presented as humor. Overall, the collection is a nice antidote to holiday sappiness overload, but it is best taken in small doses.

[Kelly Hager · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is basically the anti-Christmas book, and if you have a dark sense of humor, odds are you'll love it.

The first essay is by John Waters, and it's my favorite of the bunch. But there are also essays from David Sedaris (but not, sadly, The Santaland Diaries), Augusten Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Dave Barry, Robert Benchley, Mark Twin, Jonathan Ames and Chris Radant (the short story that inspired Home for the Holidays), plus a ton more.

Also, the cover is fantastic.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book started off strong with some very funny stories -- like Chris Radant's -- but then, it lost steam. Like, non-drifting in the still of the Ancient Mariner loss of steam. It was tragic. These people make a living at being funny? Jeesh, I've written funnier things in emails to friends.

I was looking for more than this book provided. 5 or 6 stories were hysterical; the remaining 25 were weak.

[Suzanne LaPierre · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really a mixed bag... some very good contemporary stories (I loved "Christmas Freud" by David Rakoff), some modern classics (Cheever's "Christmas is a Sad Season for the Poor"), and some that make you wonder why they would be included at all. A few are downright depressing (Bukowski's "Women," Hunter S. Thompson's... whatever). This is an oddball collection for those who appreciate some holiday humor without too much schmaltz. I'm disappointed that hardly any female authors were included.

[sjams · Rating 3 out of 5]

All right. Next Christmas when I need a pick-me-up? Just read one or two essays from this. All of the writers have a good sense of humor about the holidays, and this book really doesn't need to be read all the way through as I had wanted to for two years. From now on it's a "I just need to read something quick and funny" book.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was really excited about this book, but I just couldn't get into many of the stories. I finally gave up on it after 2 or 3 years of trying to read it and only getting about halfway through the collection.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Many authors are represented. I enjoyed about 1/2 the stories, and the best of all of them are the Santa Responds letters.

[Toby · Rating 3 out of 5]

An eclectic mix of writing, mostly negative, about the holidays.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny! A must read around the start of the holiday season each year.