Red Flags!: How to Know When You're Dating a Loser

by Gary S. Aumiller, Daniel Goldfarb

Sure, he's gorgeous, funny, and charming—but early in any doomed relationship there are warning signals foretelling the bad news to come. Studies show that most women will try to justify these signs, excusing them so they don't interfere with their fantasy of having met the perfect man. Unfortunately, such signs are usually all too prophetic—they are the essence of what Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb call "Red Flags." The question then becomes how to detect and respond to a Red Flag before it's too late.

This first-of-its-kind book will help readers determine a man's all-important "loser potential" within the first three dates. Each chapter includes a profile of a different loser, a post-date quiz to help you determine if Mr. Right is Mr. Wrong, and important information about the best way to break up with him. Red Flags has all the fun of a magazine quiz combined with the expertise of psychologists who specialize in the techniques used by the police to profile criminals. They know how to spot the rejects—and now you will, too!

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships

288 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1999

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book helped me a lot after my divorce and during the dating process afterwards. I think it would have been a good book for me to read BEFORE I got married and maybe underwent therapy to get my head on straight before I even THOUGHT about dating, but I guess I had to make my own mistakes.

This book is geared towards women who are dating men and my edition is from 1999, so it is dated (cell phones, internet, what’s that?), but the information can be helpful to those in the dating scene, types don’t change much.

Now, please keep in mind, that this book comes from the angle that the woman who is dating is ready to date and doesn’t have baggage of her own that is spurring her to be attracted to certain red flags. So this may not be a great book for all people, but it will definitely help some. I do wish I had read it before rather than after my marriage and divorce, but who thinks they need something like this before they’ve been burned?

3, the book has its uses and I wish you all the best in whatever relationship you choose, stars.

[White · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this during a most trying time when I was about to leave a bad marriage and I continued to read it over and over again when I was dating thereafter. You should see my copy of this book. I have notes all over the margins, the top of it, the bottom and in between. I must have read it 7 times then finally came away from it with this:

So it was an interesting read but this book has major problems. First of all, you can red flag anybody in it, even the nice guy. Yes, they even have a chapter warning against "Mr. Nice".

Second, it's only directed against men and not women. I did find this book to be the epitome of misandry (hatred of men) which is the opposite of misogyny, and I felt it was very unfair to men. There should be red flags against women too. There was no balance in it at all.

Other than that, it was a fine read. It did teach you to look abstractly at the behavior of who you are dating and at your own reasons for dating them.

It can't hold a candle to Barbara Deangelos

[Carolynn Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me preface this by saying that I think men are great in a variety of ways. So this book isn't about gender-bashing, but to learn more about unhealthy patterns in relationships and ways to avoid participating in those. A very eye-opening discussion about relationships and I would love to see the ladies' version of this book.

[Selena Piercy · Rating 5 out of 5]

My therapist gave me this book a year ago before I started college, and MAN I wish I had read all of it sooner! While all the types of Losers mentioned in the book reminded me of all kinds of people in my life, friends and exes, the authors made a great point that the fact that someone can gain insight from this will help weed out bad partners in the present and future. I loved the witty words and anecdotes in every chapter, and it was a super easy read. I want to gift this to SO many of my friends!

[Lychee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Almost all of the flags reminded me of the last guy I dated, so either he's as messed up as many of us seem to think, or this book isn't all that helpful in distinguishing between the various red flags.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are wonderful men in the world as equally as there are wonderful women, so I don't want to seem as though I'm man-bashing by reading this book. It does provide a lot of clues to character which may prevent serious potential heartache though! Good read!

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read, but also eye-opening.

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book--it's my bible for avoiding unhealthy relationships! I've shared copies with numerous girlfriends who delight in identifying and classifying their exes.

[Kj · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another funny look at dating and people - with some useful checklists.

[Arielle]

Didn't read all the "loser" profiles but I liked how this was written from a man's perspective. It also offered some helpful advice for cutting ties