Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships

by Robert Alberti, Michael Emmons

The thirtieth anniversary (eighth) edition of the most widely recommended assertiveness training book helps readers step-by-step to develop more effective self-expression. Emphasizes equal-relationship assertiveness -- not the all-too-common "me-first" attitude. Packed with detailed procedures, examples, and exercises. The eighth edition is completely revised and updated, and includes new material on what it means to be assertive in the 21st century, living in a multicultural society, making the decision to express yourself assertively, appropriate anger expression, and treatment for social anxiety and phobia.

With over one-and-a-quarter million copies sold, YOUR PERFECT RIGHT ranked 5th among all self-help books in a national survey of psychologists, as reported in AMERICAN JOURNAL OF PSYCHOTHERAPY, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, and THE NEW YORK TIMES. It ranked 12th among the "best self-help books" in a national survey reported in THE AUTHORITATIVE GUIDE TO SELF-HELP BOOKS (1994).

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Relationships, Communication, Personal Development, Personal Growth

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1970

Reviews

[Britta · Rating 1 out of 5]

meh. pretty redundant and didn't actually offer me any ideas. just repeated how important it was to be assertive--but wait don't be assertive all the time because you don't want to be a douche bag--but actually no try to be assertive whenever you need to be so you're not a doormat. oh and people probably won't like you when you decide to start acting more assertively so expect to lose the support of friends and family. (yes. this is all i learned from this book)

[da AL · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good encouragement of the basics of assertiveness. Basics well laid out with great examples for all areas of life.

[Marshall · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is considered the definitive book on assertiveness. It's okay, it covers most of what you'd need to know, although this new edition covers several unnecessary and common sense topics. It isn't written very well, and I think sometimes gets it wrong. Some of what is suggests seems too passive, too aggressive, too judgmental, or just worded poorly. It doesn't emphasize communication enough. It has an obvious political bias that has no place in such a book.

[Melissa Lee-Tammeus · Rating 2 out of 5]

I saw this online as I was looking for assertiveness training extras for a class I teach. My students were looking for handouts and quick steps to help one another on this topic. I missed this book somewhere along the way, so picked it up at the library to see if it was worthy of recommending to them. To be honest, despite the tons of pats on the backs that these authors give themselves, I just didn't latch onto this one. There is so much self congratulatory accolades about this being a book that has gone through 9 editions, first appearing in the 1970s, and has been so wonderful . . . . blah, blah, blah . . . I just had a hard time getting anywhere else. That type of discussion just kept coming up so it was difficult to really delve into the actually work at hand. I could not imagine recommending this to a client either, only because you have to slog through so much junk just to get to something worthwhile that you could actually do, practice, or truly take on to change behavior or thoughts. So, if you have the time and inclination, give it a go. However, if you want something concrete that doesn't spend much of the time praising itself, skip this book.

[Bill · Rating 3 out of 5]

The authors do a good job clarifying the difference between non-assertive, assertive, and aggressive behavior by offering countless examples of each. However, what really hurts this book is what mars the quality of many self-help books; it's tone. Why do self-help books have to be aimed at the lowest common denominator audience? I mean, they actually refer to people as "folks" in this book. What the heck?

[Alexander Gil · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate this book and it has a great amount of content. Educational on the brain 🧠 that has a few takeaways that I enjoyed but was a large read. This should be studied however it did not resonate with me deeply at this time.

[Kafamdaki Makine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kişisel gelişim kitabı olarak sunulması ve sayfaların çoğu buna hizmet etmesi dışında Psikolojik terimler ve kuramlar da vardır. Editörcülük hatası ve acemi yazarlığa bağlıyorum.

[Sky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I look back at how I felt before I read this book vs How I feel today, and there's no question I feel more confident. I've always been persistant, but that's just not the same as assertiveness. I can only point too that reading about the feelings and experiences of others has had a calming effect. Less internal chatter when I make a decision. This book was dry, 3 stars, but 100% worth reading, 5 stars. Average that to a 4 star.

[Zinny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was highly recommended by several other authors so I anticipated I would get more from this than I did. To be fair, I’ve already been developing my assertiveness for years and was unknowingly following some of their advice. This is really geared for beginners who don’t know what assertiveness is (they remind you often of that!) and need encouragement to try to be assertive. One of the first things I noticed with the new edition is that they constantly qualify everything. It sounded like they took a lot of negative feedback to heart so it often pointed out that they needed to generalize to succinctly articulate a point regarding differences. It was a bit tiring listening to that. Most of the information felt unnecessarily lengthy and generalized as well. I’d prefer a more succinct read.

However, the main disappointment for me was that they did not discuss asserting yourself with family. In fact, one of the only mentions was dismissive and ran along the lines of ‘well at least your family always accepts you so we don’t need to discuss it in that regard’. I think an important aspect that was lacking was that family members may be abusive, overbearing, or unaccepting. I think it is challenging to try to assert who you are to your family with regard to where & how you live, your sexuality and gender expression, your religious or spiritual affiliation, romantic partner choices etc. There is also the transition from parent-child to adult-to-adult which often relies on expressing independence AND assertiveness by both parties. There is a lot of conflict in families and it is more complicated to navigate. I was disappointed that they swept all that under the rug. It’s easier to be assertive in a professional setting but what use is that to someone who is asserting who they are and their choices?

Again, this is geared towards beginners. It likely my expectations were not aligned with their target audience. I really didn’t get much out of this but I do think I benefitted greatly from assertiveness in my life and it’s a skill worth developing.

[Shelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read as part of my counseling education and learned allot about my own behavior. I have always been fearful of speaking up for myself and this book helped teach me how to do it respectfully. In general people don't like it when someone is assertive, but I think it is because we have become so conditioned to be nice at face value and complain about it later.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow, way more in this book than I expected. I didn’t use it to its full potential (lots of hands on assessments and journal prompts) but I decided to listen to the whole thing anyway. Basically there’s no set way of being assertive and a LOT of it has to do with getting yourself in a healthy place first (anxiety, anger, etc).

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical ideas in becoming more assertive, I think there is something in here most people could benefit from learning.

[Alexander Vorwald]

Good read.

[Atiyeh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons is one of the most classic and comprehensive books on assertiveness—the skill of expressing your needs, feelings, and boundaries clearly and respectfully, without being aggressive or passive.

✔️ Strengths

1. Highly practical and actionable
The book doesn’t just explain theory; it offers real exercises, sample dialogues, and behavioral techniques that can be used in everyday situations.
2. Clear and accessible language
The authors present psychological concepts in a simple, straightforward way, making the book suitable even for readers with no prior background in psychology.
3. Wide range of real-life situations
It covers examples from work, romantic relationships, family, social interactions, and formal settings—showing how assertiveness can be applied consistently across all areas of life.
4. Focus on personal rights
One of the book’s strongest features is its list of basic human rights, such as the right to say no, the right to make mistakes, the right to change your mind, and the right to express your feelings. This section is especially powerful for building self-esteem.

❗ Things to Consider

1. Some repetition
Earlier editions contain a bit of repetition, with certain ideas explained more than once. Later editions improved this, but it’s still noticeable.
2. Requires practice, not just reading
Assertiveness is a skill, and the techniques in the book work best with consistent practice. Readers who want quick fixes may find this challenging.

🎯 Who is this book for?

People who struggle to say no

Those who feel overlooked or taken for granted in conversations

Anyone who wants to handle conflicts without anger

Individuals seeking to improve their communication confidence

⭐ Conclusion

Your Perfect Right is a practical, enduring guide that can significantly improve communication, boundary-setting, and self-esteem. If you’re looking for a skill that strengthens both personal and professional relationships, this book is a trustworthy and effective choice.

[Casey · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were lots of helpful ideas in this book. I do not struggle with assertiveness overall, but specifically in my romantic relationships. I did learn some things to help me grow in that area. It might be worthwhile for one who needs growth in assertiveness in various areas of his/her life to read reviews other than mine. I found the book helpful, but not life-changing. The last few chapters felt very repetitive, but that review of material might help another individual gain new behavior.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is what I've been looking for!

I've told my counselor that I fluctuate between people pleasing and aggressive and don't know how to be in the middle. Welp, this book Explains it! thus book is helping my marriage, parenting, relationships with family and friends.

MAKE SURE YOU GET THE LATEST EDITION
The authors share how the book has evolved over the years based on research, feedback, and equality/cultural issues.

[Happyselah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely helped me to build the boundaries I needed in my life! A great way to learn what is acceptable and NOT acceptable in your relationships and what to do if those boundaries are completely messed up. A great deal of freedom from applying the writings in this book many years ago. I've read it a few times to refresh!

[Nia Harrison · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn’t go into enough depth on the main topic of assertiveness and spent too much time talking about tangentially related topics (e.g., world affairs, political advocacy). Specific case studies about a wider range of issues, particularly pertaining to romantic relationships, would have been helpful.

[Ksenia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mostly redundant information on assertiveness, there are far better books where you can practice and learn the skill. I have given it 4 stars only because I liked the situational cases for practice and the chapter on anger - a lightbulb moment. Plus, I’ve never looked into assertiveness representation in relationships- that was food for thought

[Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent help book for people who have a problem with assertiveness (for whatever reason). It can be extremely frustrating when you aren't assertive, even if you don't show it on the outside.

Received for review

[Jeanette · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve always thought of myself as relatively assertive and felt like I understood most of these principles but I learned some things with this book as well-never thought of accepting affection as assertive!

[Spencer · Rating 3 out of 5]

They tee-up most chapters well and provide good example situations, but too often their advice is essentially "follow this 19-step procedure" that includes impractical steps like "move on" or "find a way to resolve the issue".

Bottom line: be assertive while being respectful.

[Cindy Holmberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really hope some of this good wisdom gets absorbed into my tiny brain.

[Mariska Davids · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most things explained are pretty obvious, but sometimes it is good to be reminded of those obvious things

[Rachel Fox · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of good info on communication, but also a lot of fluff. Read what intrigues you and is useful, and slim the repetitive parts.

[Nora Alshareef · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fell a little short. Wasn’t bad but also wasn’t great.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone needs to read this book

[Leahna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn't even finish. Book starts off with saying the book was originally written in 1970 and that's very clear from the first hour of listening.

[Alainamac · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. It opened my eyes. My take away is "Play your own game, not somebody elses." I re-read it every year as a reminder to myself.

[Trần Văn Tiến · Rating 5 out of 5]

Done.