The Napkin the Melon & the Monkey: How to Be Happy and Successful by Simply Changing Your Mind

by Barbara Burke

As a customer service agent, Olivia has been trained to handle irate customers in a calm, professional manner. But one day she loses control and yells back. Terrified that she’ll be fired, she seeks out Isabel, the call center’s sage. The advice she receives from her wise mentor changes her · SODA (Stop. Observe. Decide. Act)—a sure-fire formula for remaining calm in any situation · Unplugging—a centuries-old practice to reduce anxiety and promote creativity · Aha!s —22 practical insights that become the framework for living a happy life This modern-day fable shows us that the best way to reduce stress is to cultivate mindfulness. While we cannot control much of what happens, we can get better outcomes if we stop to see situations clearly and calmly. This book serves as both a powerful resource for business professionals looking for practical, easy-to-use tools for dealing with difficult people and an inspirational tale for those who want better relationships and a happier life.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology

130 pages, Hardcover

First published June 1, 2006

Reviews

[Meryem Dedeler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kitabın ismi, kitap bitene kadar çok ilginç gelmişti açıkçası. Bu 3 kelime aralarında ilişki olan kelimeler değildi. Ancak okumaya başladığım zaman öykü havasında yazılmış bir kişisel gelişim ve motivasyon kitabı olduğunu fark ettim ve içerisinde not aldığım pek çok güzel fikir ile karşılaştım. Sohbet havasında anlatılanlar aslında Bilişsel Davranışçı Terapi, Gestalt terapi gibi yaklaşımlarda söylediğimiz şeylerle birebir aynı. Her ne kadar müşteri hizmetleri alanında yazılmış olsa da herkesin kendisine bir pay çıkarabileceği faydalı bilgiler yer almakta. İçerik olarak akıcı bir kitap istiyorsanız ve aynı zamanda modunuzu yükseltsin niyetindeyseniz öneririm.

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short and easy read (130 pages with key points repeated in many places). Conceptually sound, but a bit short on practicality. Those looking for a detailed "how-to" guide may be disappointed. However, considering the amount of effort to read this book, the ROI seems pretty remarkable, especially if you are able to put some of the more salient recommendations to good use.

Here's a summary of all the "Aha!" moments in the book:

#1: I will always have problems.
#2: It's not about me.
#3: Problems can be gifts in disguise.
#4: Just sit there. Do nothing.
#5: There is no such thing as a difficult situation.
#6: When all else fails, have a SODA.
#7: Withholding judgment allows me to observe what is.
#8: The nicer I am to myself, the nicer I am to others.
#9: A simple apology works wonder.
#10: The less I talk, the more I learn.
#11: People harmonize when they are tuned to the same frequency.
#12: Great supervisors follow the Golden Rule and do the right thing.
#13: Spreading my wings is the only way to fly.
#14: Give a little. Get a lot.
#15: Remember, we all share the same vine.
#16: United we stand. Divided we fall.
#17: Our stories connect us with each other.
#18: Success comes from bringing out the best in others.
#19: Winners don't just point out problems. They fix them.
#20: It's not what happens to you in life, it's what you do with what happens that counts.
#21: Real freedom comes from letting go of the outcome.
#22: Generous hearts make a difference.

There! On their own, some of these do not seem to make much sense/impact, while others may appear painfully obvious. That's where the stories of the melons and monkey provide the context. Give it a read if you have a few hours to spare.

[Pat aka Tygyr · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a small gem with words of wisdom that relate to the title. The author is working as a Customer Service Rep answering the phone and often dealing with outraged customers. A fellow worker seems so unruffled, how does she do it? When she asks she gets stories that at 1st make no sense. But when the author consistently tries the advice, she sees the benefit to herself, her family, her customers and the company she works for. Will this book change my life? Probably not. But if a reader is frustrated with their job, this is a quick read that might lessen the stress.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

A short story about how a woman learned to cope with stress and anger; to unplug, to realize we can always choose our response in difficult situations, and to be kind. It seems to me to be a secularized version of the Christian ideals of 1) prayer (unplugging: the napkin), 2) conforming one's will to God's will (choose our response : the monkey - which also reminds me of Steven Covey's notion of response-ability), and 3) love (kindness: the melon).

[Ola · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick and easy read. Too far fetched although got some ideas from the book. The book did not really go into details of how of the whole idea.

[Ghufran · Rating 2 out of 5]

لغه انكليزية سهلة ولكن لم يعجبني تكرار الافكار

[Patti · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for anyone in the customer service industry was fortunate enough to hear her speak at a conference, really enjoyed that, and the book.

[Ezette Palmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

new perspective on real life situation and i will think of this book with every napkin, melon and monkey i see. must read.

[Cari Sly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Double the number of stars I gave it. For those dealing with anger or irritability caused by anxiety, this is the read for you. 💖

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this for my job and it has some decent advice. The writing is a little bit amateur though.

[Elizabeth Elyse · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very short book in pages and size. I was a little surprised when my order arrived, as I had not anticipated it being so small. In reading I also expected the subject or information to be more somehow, not sure why. To begin with the information is not spelled out in how to fashion it IS a story. The daily grind of Olivia; a wife, mother of twins Nate & Natalie and a new employee of Mighty Power. Olivia a former waitress takes a job as a customer service rep (for the benefits her family needs) in the call center of the local power company. Olivia is having a hard time coping with everything her new job comes with plus the normal pitfalls that we all experience. Luckily for her Isabel a senior rep has something to share. She teaches Olivia steps to dealing with it all. The final outcome is that while this is a story, the "how to" is in disguise like hiding broccoli under the nacho cheese. I feel it difficult to explain the concepts in a step 1 - 2 - 3 format. This is one book you just have to read for yourself. And this book applies to all job formats not just customer service or call centers.
What I can share is this my thoughts on " SODA " : Stop Observe Decide Act. - Stop - take one beat, one breathe, one moment, IN the moment, to really see what "is". What is happening IS, and YOU in a split second make the choice " is it good or bad," so take YOU out of the equation and really "see" - Observe. Then make an informed choice, to decide what your "actions" will be. Are your actions rude - angry - dismissive - critical - disrespectful - narcissistic ? Or are you Polite - caring - helpful - understanding - empathetic - the idea of long past "to walk a mile in my shoes," to understand me before you make a character assignation OF me - a complete stranger - because: by my appearance or situation you think you know me - because some guy of a friend of a friend etc. The outpouring of care, concern, & unquestioning help has been willingly sent to Haiti - why can we not live this compassion everyday in our own country, our own states, cities, jobs, homes, and with ourselves ? Yes I finished this in 1.5 days.

[Laura Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this in about 2 hours, so if you need a quick pick me up, pour yourself a cup of coffee and peruse. It was helpful that the protagonist's occupation was in the same industry as I am.

It should be described as a Fairy Tale rather than a modern day fable. A fable usually has animals or inanimate objects that have been personified or anthropomorphized. This quick little story only used one example of this with the melons. I suppose it could have been described as a parable, but I feel Fairy Tale fits this better. Especially because of the ending. I actually hoped that Olivia didn't get the position she wanted and then had to learn to deal with that disappointment in the gracious manners she was developing. Or had opted for the route that Isabel chose.

Fairy Tale Elements:
Olivia – our protagonist who feels she is a “persecuted” heroine. She is on the quest to win her full time position with Mighty Power despite the challenges of her internal flaws and then climbs the proverbial corporate ladder
Isabel – the elderly lady who gave the lessons and left tiny gifts of napkins whenever they were needed. Olivia’s ( and most of Mighty Power’s) fairy Godmother
Mighty Power plays our prince in this story – once Olivia conquers all of the challenges she has to face (her a-ha moments), she wins over the love of the Corporation and her new role, leaving the reader to believe she lives happily ever after.

Most of the advice in this book was standard self-help advice and always a good reminder – unplugging, listening more to learn more, not taking anything personally. And I enjoyed that it was a quick read -- perfect for an evening coffee shop break. The one part I didn't enjoy was the stretch of the melons arguing in the field and then learning they are all on the same vine and should get along. I understand the author was looking for a way to bring a team together, but perhaps should have just left it with each person on that team sharing their story to help unify.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone who has ever had a job where you have to deal with customers then you will relate to the everything in this book. Barbara Burke is an internationally known consultant, speaker, and author who specializes in the “people side” of customer service management. In the Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey, Barbara shares her tips for how to deal with customer service situations without losing your cool.

Here are just a few of Barbara’s helpful tips:

AHA! #1 - I will always have problems

AHA! #2 – It’s not about me

AHA! #3 – Problems can be gifts in disguise

AHA! #4 –Just sit there. Do Nothing

AHA! #5- There is no such thing as a difficult situation

AHA! #6- When all else fails, have a SODA (Stop, Observe, Decide, and Act)

AHA! #7 – Withholding judgment allows me to observe what is

AHA! #8 – The nicer I am to myself, the nicer I am to others

AHA! #9 – A simple apology works wonders

AHA! # 10 – The less I talk, the more I learn


I liked this book. I have been in the business of customer service since I started working my first official job when I was sixteen. All in different forms of customer service from …retail to phone. There have been many times when I would go home stressed out and take it out on my husband and not meaning too. I would try taking bathes, reading or watching television to calm down and sometimes it would help for a little while and then I would get that one really challenging phone call or customer and I would lose it again.

Barbara presents how to apply her tips by writing a story about Isabel. Isabel is a mother and she owes for a electric company. Isabel loves helping people but try as she may; she ends up yelling at the customer every time they yell at her. Isabel asks her mentor Olivia how she stays so clam and cool headed. Olivia applies the tips Barbara shares in the Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey. Soon Isabel is loving her job and so can you with this handy book.

[Sean Goh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yes, taking time out to unplug (i.e. meditate) is important. Short, easy, if a tad unrealistic.
___
The nicer I am to myself, the nicer I am to others.

All customers really want when they call is for someone in the company to listen to their problem and take responsibility for fixing it.

[Elle Kay · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this book is a novel, the author has based her story on years of industry knowledge and expertise in the field of customer service and this book could easily be mistaken for a true story describing one woman's journey of how she found her path through this difficult field.

I found this book easy to read and incredibly insightful and I have taken away pointers that I have continued to use in my own customer service job and I feel happier with the customers doing so. A quiet wee gem.

[colette · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the book for my English Pre-Ap class and I'm glad I bought the book. It was a very short book, but very helpful. Now just starting high school, I have been very stressed and have been stacked with homework. Reading this book and taking the advice has helped so much in the past couple days. I recommend this book to people who have similar problems.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

To say I loved this book would be an understatement. The impact this book has had on my outlook on situations both personally and professionally is invaluable. Also - it is the perfect quick read for a busy working mommy!

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy read with helpful advice for any situation. As a mother it's a good reminder to stop and breathe before you react... I could have also used this book when I was working. I think it would make a great gift!

[Wendy]

Great and easy read. I learned a lot of things that I can incorporate into my daily personal and professional life.

[Fenixbird SandS]

G R E A T title!!

[Barbara]

Great lessons to be learned! Everyday interaction will improve by learning the skills outlined in this book!

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short parable on becoming more mindful, happy, and aware -- with helpful techniques easily recalled.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read, would like to send this to some of the companies I've had to deal with on the phone recently.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, practical advice. A quick read worth reading again and again :).

[Cristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read. I pretty much knew what to expect going into the book. But still has some very good advice we ALL could use. :-)

[Julie Yambao · Rating 1 out of 5]

its a nice tittle...

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple practical thinking that can make a big difference if people take the time to implement.

[Puneet · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gripping fast book on how to handle stress in today's scenario and unplug to yourself!!

[Miriam · Rating 3 out of 5]

A cute parable about"unplugging" and learning to deal with stress in high-stress environments. Very fast read.

[Carma Farrar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good for anyone who works in a call center.