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Control Freaks: Who They Are and How to Stop Them from Ruining Your Life
Describes control freaks, details their varied styles and how their habits develop, advises victims how to cope with them, and explains how control freaks can break the cycle of their behavior
- GenresSelf Help
228 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1991
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July 15, 2014
I love books about how to deal with controlling people. Why? Because I grew up with them, of course. All my life, some jerk or another has tried to control and manipulate me. Sadly, most weren't even fully cognizant that they were even doing it! And THAT is scary.
Oh sure, I know, I'm not supposed to take it personally, right? "That's his or her way, you know. He/she is just like that to everyone." Sure! Just like Adolph Hitler, right? He didn't just want to exterminate a few Jews, right? Nah! He wanted to make sure he treated EVERYBODY within that specific (but also often loosely defined social/political/religious/ethnic/historical group) exactly the same way! And his way was, DEATH TO THEM ALL! No special treatment now! Kill one of a certain group of people, kill 'em all, huh, Mr. Hitler?
Excuses, excuses.
But seriously, what most people simply fail to realize, is that controlling people are usually not 100% evil. They just end up getting suckered into doing evil things because they're often just plain dumb! That's right, dumb. They're not really bad people, per say, as much as they are easily influenced and well... brainwashed.
Sound familiar? Hitler + brainwashing + Nazism = PURE EVIL, right? As long as we're clearly exaggerating, of course! Because remember that this book isn't exclusively about Hitler or any other specifically BAD individuals in history (or even the here and now), who have sought/very much still seek to control, manipulate and subjugate their fellow men and women. No, the sad truth is that Nazism didn't just spring out of nothing. It arose very gradually out of thousands of years of controlling, pan Germanic CULTure that comes right out of the heart of Europe itself!
And you thought it could all be blamed on one nervous guy with a funny little mustache, didn't ya?
But hey, let's not pick on Germans, shall we? Or rather, let's not pick on pan Germanic CULTure in general - much of which has long been imported to the United States and other countries where Germans have settled over the past few centuries. GASP! Overly controlling North American cops, you say? School shootings that have their genesis in deeply controlling, manipulative and highly disturbed parental figures? YES!
Oh, yes.
So let's also remember that control freaks exist everywhere, in every country and every CULTure, religion, social and political group that fosters people who are on the usual one way mission to keep everybody else down. Yes, control freaks are constantly consumed with either keeping those they fear the most down, or... those they don't quite fear enough down.
And what's the difference, really? Naturally, bullies will be bullies. Bullies are as bullies do. Because they simply never learned any other healthier way to deal with people. So, from childhood on up (or in their subsequent downward spiral of an excuse for life, as the case may be), they become truly little people who simply aren't smart enough to know how to get along with others, UNLESS THEY CAN DOMINATE THEM - one unhealthy way or another.
And that IS scary.
For me, to escape the controlling Germanic American people I grew up with, I ended up living and working as an English teacher in Asia for many years. And wouldn't you know it? I soon found that Asia is also CHOCK-FULL of control freaks, too! Sometimes, I even think the Chinese, Korean and Japanese control freaks I've encountered make the Germanic ones look like grade schoolers by comparison!
Welcome to the human race. Sadly, the fight to resist bullies and overly controlling people of every stripe marches ever onward.
And one more thing: We're not just talking about people who have normal rules and standards. We (this book and I) are talking about the people who are constantly daring anyone they can get even a little power over to "shape up or ship out." Because, believe it or not, I personally, in fact, really like rules!
Yes, I really do love laws, rules and regulations, too, unhappy, unhealthy control freaks out there! Because laws, rules, standards and regulations keep societies clean. They keep people honest. Or... they're supposed to. But just like anything, NOT if things are simply taken much, much too far to, yes, painfully obvious EXTREMES.
Are you following me yet? Or are you still thinking along the usual, polarized, unbalanced and really unhealthy lines that most bullies and perpetual victims tend to live their entire lives trapped within?
At any rate, if there's one thing I've learned from living in Chinese speaking countries over the years, its that when rules and simple, beneficial regulations are ignored, flaunted or just plain simply only put on the books to look good (so they can tell all the Western countries they've got those laws too), then society tends to get really corrupt and just plain dirty in a huge hurry.
In fact, before you know it, when everybody starts doing one thing under the table, but yet another in the public eye, any once mighty country will gradually become so corrupt and woefully unequal, that eventually the entire glorious empire decays from within. And then, before you know it, your once proud nation becomes highly susceptible to foreign invasion/intervention. And by then, it's usually all over anyway. At that point, a given society has truly lost their strength and independence. Because they didn't play fair with their own people, they eventually lost the respect of everyone beyond their internal, socially lopsided borders.
Yes, welcome to the human race. Either way, READ THIS BOOK, and any and all others like it, that you can get your hands on. Doing so may actually open your eyes to the way people use religion, ANTI-religion, CULTure, "race," ethnicity, nationality, sexuality, sexual orientation, etc, etc, etc, ALL... to try to control, manipulate and dominate others. Yes, to simply get what they want, regardless of the rights and needs of absolutely anyone else.
So, that's why I love books about control freaks and controlling people in general. Books like these should help us all to become more self aware. Because when we're not... when we're not extra careful, extra vigilant, to stop the spread of societal infections like communism and Nazism... the eventual result tends to be the same pathetic thing that has befallen mankind since long before recorded human history.
So, what'll it be, folks? Master or slave? Which role will we continue to play today? We should of course strive to have neither, and live in true equality. But therein lies the true rub, does it not? Because the usually (and even often especially) unconscious roles so often played by those eternally caught up in the vicious cycle of abuser/abused continues to play out on the vast stage of the human drama called life.
So let's all read good books that can help us to become more genuinely self aware, shall we? At the very least all good books, if their message is heeded, tend to foster intellectual growth and give everyone endowed with the gift of literacy a chance to continue to prosper and evolve to our full potential as worthwhile human beings. And that, I promise you, each and every one of us, CAN be. If we just keep trying.
So today, as we should each and every day, let's finally, once and for all, strive to put an end to bullying of any kind. Before, yet again in the long, sad annals of human history, it is simply too late.
Oh sure, I know, I'm not supposed to take it personally, right? "That's his or her way, you know. He/she is just like that to everyone." Sure! Just like Adolph Hitler, right? He didn't just want to exterminate a few Jews, right? Nah! He wanted to make sure he treated EVERYBODY within that specific (but also often loosely defined social/political/religious/ethnic/historical group) exactly the same way! And his way was, DEATH TO THEM ALL! No special treatment now! Kill one of a certain group of people, kill 'em all, huh, Mr. Hitler?
Excuses, excuses.
But seriously, what most people simply fail to realize, is that controlling people are usually not 100% evil. They just end up getting suckered into doing evil things because they're often just plain dumb! That's right, dumb. They're not really bad people, per say, as much as they are easily influenced and well... brainwashed.
Sound familiar? Hitler + brainwashing + Nazism = PURE EVIL, right? As long as we're clearly exaggerating, of course! Because remember that this book isn't exclusively about Hitler or any other specifically BAD individuals in history (or even the here and now), who have sought/very much still seek to control, manipulate and subjugate their fellow men and women. No, the sad truth is that Nazism didn't just spring out of nothing. It arose very gradually out of thousands of years of controlling, pan Germanic CULTure that comes right out of the heart of Europe itself!
And you thought it could all be blamed on one nervous guy with a funny little mustache, didn't ya?
But hey, let's not pick on Germans, shall we? Or rather, let's not pick on pan Germanic CULTure in general - much of which has long been imported to the United States and other countries where Germans have settled over the past few centuries. GASP! Overly controlling North American cops, you say? School shootings that have their genesis in deeply controlling, manipulative and highly disturbed parental figures? YES!
Oh, yes.
So let's also remember that control freaks exist everywhere, in every country and every CULTure, religion, social and political group that fosters people who are on the usual one way mission to keep everybody else down. Yes, control freaks are constantly consumed with either keeping those they fear the most down, or... those they don't quite fear enough down.
And what's the difference, really? Naturally, bullies will be bullies. Bullies are as bullies do. Because they simply never learned any other healthier way to deal with people. So, from childhood on up (or in their subsequent downward spiral of an excuse for life, as the case may be), they become truly little people who simply aren't smart enough to know how to get along with others, UNLESS THEY CAN DOMINATE THEM - one unhealthy way or another.
And that IS scary.
For me, to escape the controlling Germanic American people I grew up with, I ended up living and working as an English teacher in Asia for many years. And wouldn't you know it? I soon found that Asia is also CHOCK-FULL of control freaks, too! Sometimes, I even think the Chinese, Korean and Japanese control freaks I've encountered make the Germanic ones look like grade schoolers by comparison!
Welcome to the human race. Sadly, the fight to resist bullies and overly controlling people of every stripe marches ever onward.
And one more thing: We're not just talking about people who have normal rules and standards. We (this book and I) are talking about the people who are constantly daring anyone they can get even a little power over to "shape up or ship out." Because, believe it or not, I personally, in fact, really like rules!
Yes, I really do love laws, rules and regulations, too, unhappy, unhealthy control freaks out there! Because laws, rules, standards and regulations keep societies clean. They keep people honest. Or... they're supposed to. But just like anything, NOT if things are simply taken much, much too far to, yes, painfully obvious EXTREMES.
Are you following me yet? Or are you still thinking along the usual, polarized, unbalanced and really unhealthy lines that most bullies and perpetual victims tend to live their entire lives trapped within?
At any rate, if there's one thing I've learned from living in Chinese speaking countries over the years, its that when rules and simple, beneficial regulations are ignored, flaunted or just plain simply only put on the books to look good (so they can tell all the Western countries they've got those laws too), then society tends to get really corrupt and just plain dirty in a huge hurry.
In fact, before you know it, when everybody starts doing one thing under the table, but yet another in the public eye, any once mighty country will gradually become so corrupt and woefully unequal, that eventually the entire glorious empire decays from within. And then, before you know it, your once proud nation becomes highly susceptible to foreign invasion/intervention. And by then, it's usually all over anyway. At that point, a given society has truly lost their strength and independence. Because they didn't play fair with their own people, they eventually lost the respect of everyone beyond their internal, socially lopsided borders.
Yes, welcome to the human race. Either way, READ THIS BOOK, and any and all others like it, that you can get your hands on. Doing so may actually open your eyes to the way people use religion, ANTI-religion, CULTure, "race," ethnicity, nationality, sexuality, sexual orientation, etc, etc, etc, ALL... to try to control, manipulate and dominate others. Yes, to simply get what they want, regardless of the rights and needs of absolutely anyone else.
So, that's why I love books about control freaks and controlling people in general. Books like these should help us all to become more self aware. Because when we're not... when we're not extra careful, extra vigilant, to stop the spread of societal infections like communism and Nazism... the eventual result tends to be the same pathetic thing that has befallen mankind since long before recorded human history.
So, what'll it be, folks? Master or slave? Which role will we continue to play today? We should of course strive to have neither, and live in true equality. But therein lies the true rub, does it not? Because the usually (and even often especially) unconscious roles so often played by those eternally caught up in the vicious cycle of abuser/abused continues to play out on the vast stage of the human drama called life.
So let's all read good books that can help us to become more genuinely self aware, shall we? At the very least all good books, if their message is heeded, tend to foster intellectual growth and give everyone endowed with the gift of literacy a chance to continue to prosper and evolve to our full potential as worthwhile human beings. And that, I promise you, each and every one of us, CAN be. If we just keep trying.
So today, as we should each and every day, let's finally, once and for all, strive to put an end to bullying of any kind. Before, yet again in the long, sad annals of human history, it is simply too late.
July 21, 2017
Good advice on dealing with manipulative people. Part of the book diagnoses why people try to control, part is about wrong ways of responding, and part is strategizing effective ways of responding.
Piaget argues for something like Aikido in relating to 'control freaks' which means working with their want & redirecting it in a better direction.
A lot of this is helpful. Recommended.
Piaget argues for something like Aikido in relating to 'control freaks' which means working with their want & redirecting it in a better direction.
A lot of this is helpful. Recommended.
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