It’s been some time since I’ve read this. I originally reviewed it in German, but decided to translate it into English. (I’m redesigning my blog) So, if I got some things wrong, please humor me.
I have no idea where to start. It started with that moment where I sat in front of my bookshelves and thought I'd need something new and special and fresh, and yes, my tbr-pile has started talking to me at this point, but what wouldn't I give for something amazing. Instead, I got Boys That Bite. A book so awful that it had me crawl out of bed despite being sick, just to talk about how little I enjoyed it.
I'm possibly being really harsh, but still. Boys that Bite was quite horrible.
First of all — There are no boys. The guys are old. Ancient. Vampires. So, the title is misleading, but that’d be okay if the content was sufferable.
But it wasn't. I'm not sure what urged the author to create characters with so little dimension that readers'd fear imploding books, but there you have it. I was so close to DNFing this novel, I might as well just have.
There are two roads I could go here: Either I'll complain about the injustice done to Sunnie (the main character, without personality except for that of a whiney, melodramatic toad) or about the fact that Magnus, a thousand year old vampire, would actually go for children. Had he just bitchslapped the hell out of this entire book, I'd have been slightly less judgemental.
Okay, the best thing would have been for Sunny to wake up and suddenly realise that she was an actual human being, with the complexity of one, but let's just not.
Sunshine has Hipster-parents and a twin-sister named Rayne, who except for being her twin and sharing her DNA has nothing in common with her. She’s also a Goth. Or something resembling that, I suppose. No joking.
While Sunnie’s is desperately hoping for Jake Wilder, one of the popular guys, to ask her to prom, Rayne wants to become a vampire. She then takes Sunnie to a disco, where she should’ve been made. Except that the guy who should transform her mistakes Sunnie for her and infects her with the vampire-virus.
Desperate, Sunnie tries to fight the virus and stay human, but along the 7 days-journey she falls in love with Magnus. Who is 10xHugh Heffner.
I’d like to point out what I liked about the book, but there is almost to completely nothing. It was a quick read, thank God, sometimes almost nice. Those times are the scenes without Sunnie or Magnus.. or any of the characters.. Oh wait.
Her immature (I hate that word, actually) attitude destroys any appeal this novel could have had, though. Plus, this seems to be the one book that didn’t hesitate to use every stereotype out there and some. Edwa– I mean, Magnus, who is a millenia old and should logically be very wise gets involved with a teenager? Sriously? And why is Rayne taking her sister with her to the disco/club? Not only are the characters walking staples, the plot downright ridiculous, it didn't seem self-aware. You can kinda enjoy books that are intentionally bad.
How is it possible to fall in love with a man, whom you don’t know at all? Why would someone make the decisions this heroine did? Why the ones the hero did? Because there are books where someone falls instantly in love and you buy that, right? Just.. not this one.
It can’t be okay to propagate a book like this, were the reader is actually told that in order to be happy you need a boyfriend and that as long as the guy looks like he’s 18 years old it doesn’t matter that he’s older than Hugh Heffner.
There is this extreme difference between the mind of a 15 and a 18 years old person. Three years of life experiences make a huge difference. What do 985 years do to a person? (I won’t even start with the mating bond-shit..)
Bottom line:
For educational purposes it should be forbidden for people below the age of 16 to read this book. That much selfishnes, selfpity and stupidity in a person who is the protagonist, for God’s sake, is unbearable, especially when the narration and worldbuilding just work it as if it's normal.
And if you have a hint of moral values you wouldn’t allow anyone over the age of 15 to read the book, because as sorry as I am, it was torture to spend 2 hours with those folks. I’d rather have taken a shower. Tidied up my room. Talked to my 90 years old neighbour.. (I don't have that neighbour. I'd talk to my 90 year old imaginary neighbour.)