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Out of the Shadows Third Edition: Understanding Sexual Addiction
Sex is at the core of our identities. And when it becomes a compulsion, it can unravel our lives.
Out of the Shadows is the premier work on this disorder, written by a pioneer in its treatment. Revised and updated to include the latest research-and to address the exploding phenomenon of cybersex addiction-this third edition identifies the danger signs, explains the dynamics, and describes the consequences of sexual addiction and dependency. With practical wisdom and spiritual clarity, it points the way out of the shadows of sexual compulsion and back into the light and fullness of life.
Out of the Shadows is the premier work on this disorder, written by a pioneer in its treatment. Revised and updated to include the latest research-and to address the exploding phenomenon of cybersex addiction-this third edition identifies the danger signs, explains the dynamics, and describes the consequences of sexual addiction and dependency. With practical wisdom and spiritual clarity, it points the way out of the shadows of sexual compulsion and back into the light and fullness of life.
240 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1983
399 people are currently reading
1527 people want to read
About the author
Patrick J. Carnes
49 books72 followersPatrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is an internationally known authority and speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He has authored over twenty books including the bestselling titles Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Facing the Shadow, Betrayal Bond, Don’t Call It Love, A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps and The Gentle Path through the Twelve Principles.
Dr. Carnes’ research provides the architecture for the “task model” of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He founded IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals), which provides CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) training and certification as well as cutting-edge information for addiction professionals. Dr. Carnes currently serves as a Senior Fellow and Executive Director for the Gentle Path Program at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona.
Dr. Carnes’ research provides the architecture for the “task model” of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He founded IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals), which provides CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) training and certification as well as cutting-edge information for addiction professionals. Dr. Carnes currently serves as a Senior Fellow and Executive Director for the Gentle Path Program at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews
April 4, 2013
This book is very needed, and very sad. It shows a world few of us will ever understand. It is a revolting world filled with atrocities with victims on all sides. It shows the horror of sex addiction in all its forms. It shows the sad side of the addict, and the reason it is so very hard to get better, to stop acting out. It shows a way to get better, and hope for the future.
Sex addicts are usually not sex offenders. There are plenty of sex addicts who don’t end up doing anything illegal and their actions are not recognized as “horrors” to society: compulsive masturbation, pornography, affairs, strip clubs, etc… They are looked down on – but they are not seen as “monsters” like rapists and child molesters.
Rapists can also be sex addicts – but more than likely – they’re not.
Addicts often have multiple addictions:
38% of sex addicts also struggle with an eating disorder.
42% of sex addicts have a problem with chemical dependency.
17% of sex addicts have attempted suicide; 72% have thought about it.
Does that last one surprise you? Most people don’t realize that "addicts judge themselves by society's standards. Unable to measure up to these, they live with constant pain and alienation."
They hate themselves. They hate what they do. They can’t believe how much their mind craves it, and how they can sit in almost in a trance for hours viewing it or pursuing it.Every time they act out – they resolve 'never to do it again.'
"Addiction has been described as 'the athlete's foot of the mind.' It never goes away. It is always asking to be scratched, promising relief. To scratch, however, is to cause pain and intensify the itch."
"The addicts lifestyle becomes a consistent violation of his or her own values, compounding the shame.”
This brought me to the first realization – the shame and fear make all sex addicts have a double life: “Addicts progressively go through stages in which they retreat further from the reality of friends, family, and work. Their secret lives become more real than their public lives."
"The addict is certain that if anyone found out about his secret life of addictive experiences, there would be no forgiveness. Only Judgement. To complicate matters he has placed himself in so many precarious situations that he lives in constant fear of discovery of his being so untrustworthy. The suspicionand paranoia heighten the sense of alienation."
"The unmanageability from the addiction has run its course when there is no longer a double life. When there are no longer friends or family to protect or a job to hold or pretenses to be made - even though some things are valued enough to want to stop - the addiction is at its most destructive and violent point. The addicts world has become totally insulated from real life."
That is the world of an addict – being completely alone. No one can know…EVER.Society deplores and abhors sex addicts. They are vermin, they are scum. Any mention of sexual impropriety brings social judgment and ridicule.
“Consequently, seeking help is especially difficult for the sexual addict."
Sex addicts are not simply people who feel guilty for their sexual behavior. They are addicts. Many people regret a one night stand, having sex too early, or doing something they know was just plain wrong. That is not sex addiction.Sex addicts are compulsive. They have triggered something inside them – and they eventually become powerless – they know the only thing that will satisfy them is to act out sexually.
"After a time, the obsession becomes more significant than being in an important relationship."
Hating it and themselves is not enough "In all addiction, painful realization does not stop compulsive behavior."
"They make a commitment to stop by a certain time...yet the time comes and goes....they sit and continue."
"Totally absorbed, the addict loses all contact with reality, save for the focus of the addiction."“Addiction is a relationship – a pathological relationship in which sexual obsession replaces people.”
Sex addicts hate their addiction, and after they act out and temporarily return to their senses – they try very hard to be morally superior:“Addicts profess extreme sexual propriety, even to the extent of moral self-righteousness about sexual matters.”
“Friends and family tend to reject suspicions of sexual compulsivity because of the addicts ‘values’.”
The goal of treatment and of 12 steps programs is first: To get rid of the secret life, the double life, the “other world.” The first steps require brutal honesty. They must confess that they have become powerless, their lives are unmanageable. They need to show the secret world they live in:
“Being surrounded by recovering people reinforces honesty”
Steps 1,2,3 lead to “a new sense of pride” and “The power of the secret world is broken.”Addicts learn that “when they make a mistake they don’t need to retreat into the secret world.”
“Giving up control, admitting you cannot stop your behavior, acknowledging that this addiction is destroying your life, asking for help – these are the exact opposite actions of what seems natural to do. Yet the step works.”
The book lastly points out what I think is the saddest part of all: There is no public pride in recovery.
“A sex addict cannot, in our day and time, proudly announce his or her recovery, as alcoholics now can.”
What if a congressman admitted that he is a recovering alcoholic – sober for 13 years.
He would be loved and supported.
What would the public say if he admitted to being a sex addict who hadn’t acted out in 13 years?
The response would not the same.
Alcoholics are seen as generally good people who have an addiction - when they aren’t drinking they’re wonderful productive people.Sex addicts are monsters, and even if they’re clean and not acting out – surely they are only waiting to prey on us and our children. They destroy families and can never be trusted.
I pray for the day sex addicts can openly seek treatment, and rejoice more publicly in their successes. Until that day, there will always be a secret world, one that is too shameful to ever reveal, and one that keeps the addiction going.I do not excuse sexual perpetrators. They deserve their punishments, and I weep for their victims. But they will never get better as long as they can’t admit their problem and seek help.
This book is not perfect – it is not for everyone. I don’t agree with all of the author’s assumptions or beliefs. But this book explains so many things that need to be said and realized that I recommend it for anyone who is suffering themselves or fears that those around them may be suffering from this addiction.
Sex addicts are usually not sex offenders. There are plenty of sex addicts who don’t end up doing anything illegal and their actions are not recognized as “horrors” to society: compulsive masturbation, pornography, affairs, strip clubs, etc… They are looked down on – but they are not seen as “monsters” like rapists and child molesters.
Rapists can also be sex addicts – but more than likely – they’re not.
Addicts often have multiple addictions:
38% of sex addicts also struggle with an eating disorder.
42% of sex addicts have a problem with chemical dependency.
17% of sex addicts have attempted suicide; 72% have thought about it.
Does that last one surprise you? Most people don’t realize that "addicts judge themselves by society's standards. Unable to measure up to these, they live with constant pain and alienation."
They hate themselves. They hate what they do. They can’t believe how much their mind craves it, and how they can sit in almost in a trance for hours viewing it or pursuing it.Every time they act out – they resolve 'never to do it again.'
"Addiction has been described as 'the athlete's foot of the mind.' It never goes away. It is always asking to be scratched, promising relief. To scratch, however, is to cause pain and intensify the itch."
"The addicts lifestyle becomes a consistent violation of his or her own values, compounding the shame.”
This brought me to the first realization – the shame and fear make all sex addicts have a double life: “Addicts progressively go through stages in which they retreat further from the reality of friends, family, and work. Their secret lives become more real than their public lives."
"The addict is certain that if anyone found out about his secret life of addictive experiences, there would be no forgiveness. Only Judgement. To complicate matters he has placed himself in so many precarious situations that he lives in constant fear of discovery of his being so untrustworthy. The suspicionand paranoia heighten the sense of alienation."
"The unmanageability from the addiction has run its course when there is no longer a double life. When there are no longer friends or family to protect or a job to hold or pretenses to be made - even though some things are valued enough to want to stop - the addiction is at its most destructive and violent point. The addicts world has become totally insulated from real life."
That is the world of an addict – being completely alone. No one can know…EVER.Society deplores and abhors sex addicts. They are vermin, they are scum. Any mention of sexual impropriety brings social judgment and ridicule.
“Consequently, seeking help is especially difficult for the sexual addict."
Sex addicts are not simply people who feel guilty for their sexual behavior. They are addicts. Many people regret a one night stand, having sex too early, or doing something they know was just plain wrong. That is not sex addiction.Sex addicts are compulsive. They have triggered something inside them – and they eventually become powerless – they know the only thing that will satisfy them is to act out sexually.
"After a time, the obsession becomes more significant than being in an important relationship."
Hating it and themselves is not enough "In all addiction, painful realization does not stop compulsive behavior."
"They make a commitment to stop by a certain time...yet the time comes and goes....they sit and continue."
"Totally absorbed, the addict loses all contact with reality, save for the focus of the addiction."“Addiction is a relationship – a pathological relationship in which sexual obsession replaces people.”
Sex addicts hate their addiction, and after they act out and temporarily return to their senses – they try very hard to be morally superior:“Addicts profess extreme sexual propriety, even to the extent of moral self-righteousness about sexual matters.”
“Friends and family tend to reject suspicions of sexual compulsivity because of the addicts ‘values’.”
The goal of treatment and of 12 steps programs is first: To get rid of the secret life, the double life, the “other world.” The first steps require brutal honesty. They must confess that they have become powerless, their lives are unmanageable. They need to show the secret world they live in:
“Being surrounded by recovering people reinforces honesty”
Steps 1,2,3 lead to “a new sense of pride” and “The power of the secret world is broken.”Addicts learn that “when they make a mistake they don’t need to retreat into the secret world.”
“Giving up control, admitting you cannot stop your behavior, acknowledging that this addiction is destroying your life, asking for help – these are the exact opposite actions of what seems natural to do. Yet the step works.”
The book lastly points out what I think is the saddest part of all: There is no public pride in recovery.
“A sex addict cannot, in our day and time, proudly announce his or her recovery, as alcoholics now can.”
What if a congressman admitted that he is a recovering alcoholic – sober for 13 years.
He would be loved and supported.
What would the public say if he admitted to being a sex addict who hadn’t acted out in 13 years?
The response would not the same.
Alcoholics are seen as generally good people who have an addiction - when they aren’t drinking they’re wonderful productive people.Sex addicts are monsters, and even if they’re clean and not acting out – surely they are only waiting to prey on us and our children. They destroy families and can never be trusted.
I pray for the day sex addicts can openly seek treatment, and rejoice more publicly in their successes. Until that day, there will always be a secret world, one that is too shameful to ever reveal, and one that keeps the addiction going.I do not excuse sexual perpetrators. They deserve their punishments, and I weep for their victims. But they will never get better as long as they can’t admit their problem and seek help.
This book is not perfect – it is not for everyone. I don’t agree with all of the author’s assumptions or beliefs. But this book explains so many things that need to be said and realized that I recommend it for anyone who is suffering themselves or fears that those around them may be suffering from this addiction.
January 6, 2016
I'm not a supporter of the twelve steps program so I cannot fully advocate this book. Having said that, I did gain extremely valuable and urgent new understanding regarding sex and romantic relations.
I was able to recognize in my own core beliefs some damaging ideas:
- "No one would love me as I am." Which stems from my childhood when my parental figures didn't give me unconditional love but made it a reward for academic performance and obedience. I thought that if people want a relationship is because they want something out of me not because they care for me.
- "My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others." I had a deep sense as a child that my parents would abandon me at any moment if I wasn't a good boy and most of the time they were never really there for me.
I also recognized that in my last romantic relationship I had this feeling that if everything in my life was not alright or figured out I was not worthy of love. I also felt I had to pretend that everything in the relationship was alright when it was not.
When the relationship ended, I had tremendous difficulty learning to move on because I felt undesirable and didn't think it was possible for me to get another boyfriend to care for me. It was also difficult to let him go because I felt responsible that my ex was having casual and potentially dangerous sex after the break up.
It was only after reading the book that I realized I was suffering from inadequacy and grandiosity. I used to feel inadequate (sexually, physically, emotionally, and professionally inadequate) so I felt responsible for my ex's actions (grandiosity). For example, "if only I had been wiser, fully comfortable with my sexuality, and more attractive, then he would not have left me" or, "if only I had been nicer and had been hurt him, then he would not be engaging in risky sexual behavior."
During the relationship and still after the break-up, I was obsessively and toxically preoccupied with him. I was concentrated on him as a distraction from my loneliness, pain, unresolved childhood trauma, and unsatisfying present reality.
I think the most valuable lesson I got from this book is threefold. First, I'm only responsible for myself. I'm not responsible for my ex's decisions. Second, I can focus my energy on developing my own sexuality as opposed to being obsessed with the sexuality of a boyfriend or former boyfriend. Third, I have childhood and teenage wounds that I need to heal.
I was able to recognize in my own core beliefs some damaging ideas:
- "No one would love me as I am." Which stems from my childhood when my parental figures didn't give me unconditional love but made it a reward for academic performance and obedience. I thought that if people want a relationship is because they want something out of me not because they care for me.
- "My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others." I had a deep sense as a child that my parents would abandon me at any moment if I wasn't a good boy and most of the time they were never really there for me.
I also recognized that in my last romantic relationship I had this feeling that if everything in my life was not alright or figured out I was not worthy of love. I also felt I had to pretend that everything in the relationship was alright when it was not.
When the relationship ended, I had tremendous difficulty learning to move on because I felt undesirable and didn't think it was possible for me to get another boyfriend to care for me. It was also difficult to let him go because I felt responsible that my ex was having casual and potentially dangerous sex after the break up.
It was only after reading the book that I realized I was suffering from inadequacy and grandiosity. I used to feel inadequate (sexually, physically, emotionally, and professionally inadequate) so I felt responsible for my ex's actions (grandiosity). For example, "if only I had been wiser, fully comfortable with my sexuality, and more attractive, then he would not have left me" or, "if only I had been nicer and had been hurt him, then he would not be engaging in risky sexual behavior."
During the relationship and still after the break-up, I was obsessively and toxically preoccupied with him. I was concentrated on him as a distraction from my loneliness, pain, unresolved childhood trauma, and unsatisfying present reality.
I think the most valuable lesson I got from this book is threefold. First, I'm only responsible for myself. I'm not responsible for my ex's decisions. Second, I can focus my energy on developing my own sexuality as opposed to being obsessed with the sexuality of a boyfriend or former boyfriend. Third, I have childhood and teenage wounds that I need to heal.
November 25, 2019
Well my oh my this is so 1950's. Is he fr saying that women that have casual sex don't respect themselves? There are so many passages that are like THIS WOMAN WAS SO SICK THAT SHE TAUGHT HER SCHOOLCHILDREN AFTER HAVING CASUAL SEX THE NIGHT BEFORE WHAT A DOUBLE LIFE uhhh maybe she should teach her schoolchildren about condoms while she's at it that seems fine 2 me. This book leaves no room for people to have sex outside of committed relationships
April 26, 2013
At the age of 41 I was newly sober and for the first time in my life facing my demons with a relatively clear mind. One of those demons was sexual abuse and the sexual acting out engendered by it. Carnes book is the bible on sexual addiction. I have been an alcohol and drug counselor since '95, and this book has proved valuable to many of my clients who are ready to read it.
January 26, 2014
3.5 stars. As a counseling intern at Salvation Army (SA), my supervisor recommend I read this book. SA counsels those with alcohol and substance abuse addiction; sexual addiction (as well as other addictions) can co-occur along side substance abuse and clients can have multiple addictions. I thought the stories in this book were interesting to read and it really gives you a glimpse of the addicts' struggle. It does a good job explaining what the addicts go through, their thoughts and emotions. The only thing I would have liked this book to include was research and statistics on the addiction and perhaps a proposed method of treatment outside of just joining a 12 step program.
February 24, 2015
This is a tough book to read but really helps you understand what people with sexual addiction go through. Perhaps we should be more kind and understanding to all people with addictive tendencies. It's changed my mind about how I view alcoholics and drug addicts even though all three addictions are very different. Reading the book allows you the opportunity to see what it's like for them. You may not understand all of it, but at least it's a start.
April 17, 2014
The most candid and specific book on this topic I've read yet (not that I've read that many, but still...). He spares no one when he gives the reader insight on specifically how this addiction affects different areas of one's life. Extremely interesting, but, very uncomfortable to read.
December 15, 2012
Carnes presents examples of previous clients he has provided therapy to in order to show the thoughts and beliefs of those who are "sex addicts." He used very little supporting research throughout the book, and many of his references included books written by him. He presents pedophiliacs, paraphiliacs, etc. as "sex addicts" and states that sex addiction as a disease. He includes a chapter on the 12 Step Model based on Alcoholics Anonymous as a form of treatment for sex addicts. Again, there is very little evidence to back up his argument. He makes no mention of anti-social personality disorders, and how those diagnosed with it may not have committed their crimes for the same reasons as one who is "addicted to sex." He includes social/enironmental factors as causes of sex addiction, which I could agree with, though mentioning the biological factors could have been beneficial had he had any evidence/research. Overall, I had trouble accepting much of what he said due to my own experience working with sex offenders but he did make interesting points and provide another viewpoint.
April 13, 2013
This book has opened my eyes and my understanding of sexual addiction. It helped me see how my childohood affected me entire sexual life. This is a must read for anyone suffering in sexual addiction.
May 29, 2020
An eye-opening resource into the reality of sexual addiction and its parallels to many more commonly recognized addictions to alcohol and gambling. Not only does Carnes illustrate the mentality of the addict but also that of the “co-addict” or close partner or individual that plays a significant role in the either the addict’s recovery or disintegration.
Be aware that this book is abounding in very real, sometimes incredibly graphic and dark anecdotes based on real addict stories from Carnes patients. Very helpful to illustrate the problem but can be very traumatic if you're not prepared.
This book is primarily focused on the basic principles of identifying the addiction and the key philosophy to addressing the false beliefs that fuel the shame cycle. It’s not purpose of this book to demonstrate practical details for the path to recovery as it is more a general defense and overview of the illness.
Addicts and co-addicts alike will be comforted in reading this book and be given the basic understanding and principles needed to begin breaking free of sexual addiction.
Be aware that this book is abounding in very real, sometimes incredibly graphic and dark anecdotes based on real addict stories from Carnes patients. Very helpful to illustrate the problem but can be very traumatic if you're not prepared.
This book is primarily focused on the basic principles of identifying the addiction and the key philosophy to addressing the false beliefs that fuel the shame cycle. It’s not purpose of this book to demonstrate practical details for the path to recovery as it is more a general defense and overview of the illness.
Addicts and co-addicts alike will be comforted in reading this book and be given the basic understanding and principles needed to begin breaking free of sexual addiction.
August 9, 2017
Picked this book as part of background research for a new story I am writing. When I started I knew absolutely zero about sexual addiction. This book was recommended as the ideal tutorial on the topic and definitely fulfilled that purpose.
The author neither makes excuses nor condemns sexual addicts, and his primary point is that it is similar to other forms of addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling). Society treats sexual disorders and crimes much differently than the others, and the treatment apparatus is far less developed. Carnes case is we must eventually do the same for this type of addiction in order to prevent or mitigate the harm that comes from it.
A good case, fairly persuasive although I still do not know enough about the topic to say for sure Carnes is absolutely right. Since this is only background research, I doubt I will proceed any farther.
The author neither makes excuses nor condemns sexual addicts, and his primary point is that it is similar to other forms of addiction (alcohol, drugs, gambling). Society treats sexual disorders and crimes much differently than the others, and the treatment apparatus is far less developed. Carnes case is we must eventually do the same for this type of addiction in order to prevent or mitigate the harm that comes from it.
A good case, fairly persuasive although I still do not know enough about the topic to say for sure Carnes is absolutely right. Since this is only background research, I doubt I will proceed any farther.
July 8, 2020
I was a bit hesitant to read this at first, scared of what I’d find out about myself in there. But it immediately became apparent how much I needed to read this once I got to it.
The book is a deep dive into dealing with sexual addiction. It helps those of us suffering with addiction to become much more aware of the impact addiction has on our own lives and the lives of those around us.
This is a must read for all addicts and coaddicts. Patrick Carnes’s bibliography and efforts to help out people in 12 step programs is truly remarkable. Complement this with the workbook companion and his Gentle Path guides.
The book is a deep dive into dealing with sexual addiction. It helps those of us suffering with addiction to become much more aware of the impact addiction has on our own lives and the lives of those around us.
This is a must read for all addicts and coaddicts. Patrick Carnes’s bibliography and efforts to help out people in 12 step programs is truly remarkable. Complement this with the workbook companion and his Gentle Path guides.
September 22, 2023
Absolutely do NOT recommend for betrayed partners nor for those hoping to stay with their partners after discovery. The language around co-addiction is likely to be extremely harmful and is grossly out of date, even in the 2016 revision. Partners experience trauma and need help to recover from that while the SA is recovering from his/her addiction. There was some good info around using the 12 steps and how sex addiction often develops from childhood trauma but there are WAY better resources out there such as TINSA (Trauma Induced Sex Addiction) by Dr. Michael Barta and Help.Them.Heal by Carol Jergenson Sheets.
February 10, 2019
A classic in its genre. Really useful
October 16, 2023
This book is a classic when it comes to dealing with sexual struggles. It offers insights into the complexities behind person's struggle with different forms of unwanted sexual behaviors. What I appreciated about this book is how it clarified what are different types of problematic sexual behaviors that people struggle with; I also appreciated the way it addressed the influence of negative beliefs as well as family systems in perpetuating those problematic behaviors. I can imagine that 20 years ago when this book was written it really presented novel ideas that showed that there is so much more to the struggle that has to be taken into consideration when talking about treatment beyond just behavior managment. However, from the perspective of the reader who has read it two decades later, I disliked the overuse of the addiction and addict terminology (considering that there is so much debate in the academic and clinical communities about the propriety of usage of such labels), as well as unnecessary explicitness of some of the stories that were shared as examples throughout the book (considering how those can be triggering for the audience that this book is intended for).
July 6, 2023
This is THE book that many other SAA prevention/recovery books are based on, and for good reason. This book wasted no time, and was worth every second. Carnes has thoroughly researched the subject at hand, and is more than up to the task of breaking down and relaying that information to the reader.
While it’s hard to look problems like these in the eyes, the product makes this a very worthwhile read, whether it be for you or someone you know!
While it’s hard to look problems like these in the eyes, the product makes this a very worthwhile read, whether it be for you or someone you know!
October 2, 2024
This was a very intense book. The stories and case studies Carnes delved into were helpful but dealt with extremely intense situations. It is definitely a little outdated in terms of how accessible the internet is now for sexually addictive activities, but overall this was an insightful book on what sexual addiction is and gave a hopeful vision for how to break free.
May 11, 2021
This is a very dark book to get through. Especially this first half. But it will be very useful in my ecclesiastical work with folks who struggle with this kind of thing. Sexual addiction is such a devastating thing for victims, family, friends and the addicted. It’s hard, but it’s an honor to try and help in some small way.
October 11, 2025
Read this for work. Has a lot of valuable information in it. I was particularly fascinated by the chapters on Co-addiction in this context, noting that most of the myths that fuel Co-addiction are actually the exact same instructions given to women in a church context to 'help' their spouses. Not just sexually, but in emotional management and joining in the addictive behavior by taking on more of the mental load in the relationship.
July 18, 2016
I didn't really read this book. Browsed is more like it. It seems to be a bit outdated... published 23 years ago. Still, plenty of good stuff about sex addiction. Not much about female sex addiction, though. I suspect there's plenty more info out and about now. As he doesn't mention them, I assume that SAA and SLAA were either not up and running at the time or had only just gotten going. He does mention AA and Alanon as I recall. Maybe I'll get back to it in the future.
So now I'm browsing the updated version, which is about ten years more recent. The difference shows as sex-addiction has come out of the shadows to assume its proper place along side alcohol, drugs and food as one of the four horsemen of the compulsion apocalypse! Then there's all the "minor" ones!
Now I'm slowing down and reading closer as it gets more compelling for me. The next chapter will be about twelve-step recovery. He pretty much waits 'til he's laid out the problem(s) to get to the 12-steps. Just prior to this he talks a bout family/group therapy, which can be useful as sexual compusion-obsession-dysfunction often cascades from generation to generation inside a family.
Finished last night after finishing "The Martian". This is an excellent read for those affected by sexual obsession/compulsion, which is to say, millions of us. We're affected either directly because we have it(me) or we're more indirectly affected by being(or having been) in a relationship with a(or multiple) sex addict(s)(me again). As with the other big three(food, alcohol and drugs) sex addiction has its own special challenges. The author does pretty well in exploring both these challenges and the options for recovery. If the book had been published more recently no doubt its content would have been a bit more complete and I could give it a 5* rating. Still...
So now I'm browsing the updated version, which is about ten years more recent. The difference shows as sex-addiction has come out of the shadows to assume its proper place along side alcohol, drugs and food as one of the four horsemen of the compulsion apocalypse! Then there's all the "minor" ones!
Now I'm slowing down and reading closer as it gets more compelling for me. The next chapter will be about twelve-step recovery. He pretty much waits 'til he's laid out the problem(s) to get to the 12-steps. Just prior to this he talks a bout family/group therapy, which can be useful as sexual compusion-obsession-dysfunction often cascades from generation to generation inside a family.
Finished last night after finishing "The Martian". This is an excellent read for those affected by sexual obsession/compulsion, which is to say, millions of us. We're affected either directly because we have it(me) or we're more indirectly affected by being(or having been) in a relationship with a(or multiple) sex addict(s)(me again). As with the other big three(food, alcohol and drugs) sex addiction has its own special challenges. The author does pretty well in exploring both these challenges and the options for recovery. If the book had been published more recently no doubt its content would have been a bit more complete and I could give it a 5* rating. Still...
January 2, 2015
Good info to start understanding what sex addiction is. It really damages the brain. This book helped me start to empathize with those who've gotten caught up in this, since most are started in their childhood, instead of being mad at them. Now my efforts go to fighting the problem & getting help for those caught up in it. Patrick Carnes is essential reading if you are studying this topic or have a friend or relative who struggles with this.
January 31, 2009
I think I've read most of Patrick Carnes books now. Starting with his original book that explored sexual addiction. This was also helpful. My only criticism is that sometimes the examples he uses, in trying to be general and inclusive, are sometimes more graphic than I wished. But even then, they are tastefully done. For me this one is worth re-reading a few more times.
September 10, 2010
I think the book did a good job explaining the cycle, and steps etc. of sexual addictions. What probably wouldn't be as helpful (for an addict) is reading some of the examples, that were usually pretty basic, but still may sometimes give too much of an idea. But then again, maybe it's what people need to read/know to see that their behavior truly is abnormal and unhealthy.
March 24, 2016
This is a good read for those wanting to get a better understanding of why or how, someone can do something that we would consider sexually inappropriate, to say the least. It's also insightful for those that are co addict; living with someone how is an addict, whether that is to sex, drug, food, or anything else.
February 15, 2019
A confronting and deeply i formative book which could be the foundation for a complete life or career change. It heralds a coming tsunami of addicts in our 21st century society. This book can help you prepare.
August 23, 2008
Good source of study on the topic.
May 11, 2010
The book I recommend the individuals and couples coping with sexual addiction.
March 27, 2011
A life changer.
July 22, 2013
Excellent book to help understand the complexities of sexual addiction and its effect on those who struggle with this.
April 25, 2014
Fantastic. The best book I've yet read on sexual addiction
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