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Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships
In this groundbreaking work, Larry Crabb shows readers how to build intimate, healing connections with others-mini-communities where God's power to heal souls is quickened and released through individuals' compassionate, authentic relationships with others.
212 pages, Hardcover
First published September 30, 1997
123 people are currently reading
790 people want to read
About the author
Larry Crabb
114 books238 followersLawrence J. Crabb Jr.
Larry Crabb is a well-known Christian psychologist, conference and seminar speaker, Bible teacher, and author of more than 25 books—including his most recent, When God’s Ways Make No Sense and two Gold Medallion award-winners Inside Out and Understanding People. He is also the founder/director of NewWay Ministries & most recently his "legacy ministry", LargerStory.com. In addition to various other speaking and teaching opportunities, Crabb offers a week-long School of Spiritual Direction held each year here at The Cove and the Glen Eyrie in CO. He currently is scholar-in-residence at Colorado Christian University. Larry and his wife of 50 years, Rachael, reside near Charlotte, N.C.
Larry Crabb is a well-known Christian psychologist, conference and seminar speaker, Bible teacher, and author of more than 25 books—including his most recent, When God’s Ways Make No Sense and two Gold Medallion award-winners Inside Out and Understanding People. He is also the founder/director of NewWay Ministries & most recently his "legacy ministry", LargerStory.com. In addition to various other speaking and teaching opportunities, Crabb offers a week-long School of Spiritual Direction held each year here at The Cove and the Glen Eyrie in CO. He currently is scholar-in-residence at Colorado Christian University. Larry and his wife of 50 years, Rachael, reside near Charlotte, N.C.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
April 18, 2012
This was excellent. He's getting to the root of one of our major issues in the culture: lots of connection, but very little meaningful, Christ-centered community. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to get out of the shallows.
As one who followed him during the earlier years, Dr Crabb's personal journey from Psychologist to discipler of people is intriguing for me. I admire that the cement is not set.
As one who followed him during the earlier years, Dr Crabb's personal journey from Psychologist to discipler of people is intriguing for me. I admire that the cement is not set.
July 27, 2020
"Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships" by veteran psychologist Larry Crabb is a provocative manifesto for the "counselorhood of all believers."Crabb contends that by connecting at a deep level, faithful Christians and church communities can fulfill the purposes for which many individuals seek therapeutic help. Crabb opines that most Christians lack a real willingness to engage in each other's struggles; it is easier and more comfortable to engage in post-service foyer chit-chat. It is the task of Christians to listen to the voice of Jesus and to share with one another what work they see the Spirit already performing in the other person rather than to merely point out areas of sin. I find Crabb's vision compelling though in my Pastoral Care course we certainly emphasized the need to confer with accredited experts in the counselling and psychological fields. I found this book to be very repetitive.
May 22, 2010
Larry Crabb suggests that the exhortation/accountability and psychological disorder/therapy paradigms are not the most effective and appropriate means for dealing with many kinds of personal problems. Rather, Crabb believes that balm for these problems comes through connecting---when "the life of Christ in one person is poured into another and awakens in the emptiest recesses of that other person's soul the experience of life" (44)---which any Christian (perhaps with some guidance), not just trained professionals, can do. Based on a high view of the new covenant, connecting starts with a vision of the good that already resides in others---good that was implanted in them by the Holy Spirit at salvation---instead of focusing on the residual bad remaining from the Fall.
Unfortunately, although the good implanted by the Holy Spirit is already a part of us, it is many times obscured by the residual bad; so, we must "learn to resist the bad (a process the Puritans called mortifying the flesh) and to release the good (what they called vivifying the spirit)" (73), which Crabb suggests is best accomplished together. Sin, Crabb points out, is "any effort to make life work without absolute dependence on God" (92): depending on our own resources to make life work, reducing the mystery of life to manageable strategies, seeking safety by overly prioritizing the minimization of personal risk, and finding satisfaction where we can. Mortifying the flesh and vivifying the spirit involve reducing our self-reliance and increasing our trust in God, and frequently occur when God leads us through trying times that force our dependence on Him.
Crabb's model of connecting involves three elements:
- Entering into battle of another's soul, siding with their good urges against the bad, resulting in a reduced sense of loneliness
- Developing a vision of the other becoming more like Christ, resulting in motivation to press on toward the prize
- "Releasing the energy of Christ" in oneself on behalf of the other, giving the other a taste of something so sweet---the energy of Christ---that we can settle for nothing less.
Crabb spends the last three chapters describing what these three elements of connection look like.
While Crabb has something intriguing and potentially helpful to say to the Church about the healing power of Christian relationships, he unfortunately takes too long to get to the point. I give four stars for content, but only two stars to the text itself.
Unfortunately, although the good implanted by the Holy Spirit is already a part of us, it is many times obscured by the residual bad; so, we must "learn to resist the bad (a process the Puritans called mortifying the flesh) and to release the good (what they called vivifying the spirit)" (73), which Crabb suggests is best accomplished together. Sin, Crabb points out, is "any effort to make life work without absolute dependence on God" (92): depending on our own resources to make life work, reducing the mystery of life to manageable strategies, seeking safety by overly prioritizing the minimization of personal risk, and finding satisfaction where we can. Mortifying the flesh and vivifying the spirit involve reducing our self-reliance and increasing our trust in God, and frequently occur when God leads us through trying times that force our dependence on Him.
Crabb's model of connecting involves three elements:
- Entering into battle of another's soul, siding with their good urges against the bad, resulting in a reduced sense of loneliness
- Developing a vision of the other becoming more like Christ, resulting in motivation to press on toward the prize
- "Releasing the energy of Christ" in oneself on behalf of the other, giving the other a taste of something so sweet---the energy of Christ---that we can settle for nothing less.
Crabb spends the last three chapters describing what these three elements of connection look like.
While Crabb has something intriguing and potentially helpful to say to the Church about the healing power of Christian relationships, he unfortunately takes too long to get to the point. I give four stars for content, but only two stars to the text itself.
January 12, 2013
This was one if my favorite required readings in college on intrapersonal relationships. So much so that I purchased it again fifteen years later for a refresher. Though you need a good cup of coffee (or caffeine of choice) before sitting down with this book, Crabb offers very valid biblical thoughts about why God gave us church family. We have allowed so many other activities to consume our time that we've certainly lost the joy that comes with connecting with those around us, and the healing that comes with those relationships. Perhaps its a lack of a desire for emotional investment. Whatever the cause, our society is paying the price. Compelling book and well worth the time to read!
December 26, 2016
Because the topic has much potential, my expectations were high. Unfortunately, they weren't met.
This is by no means a bad or an uninteresting book, but in my opinion, it fails to be a practical guide to connecting. Rather, it is an encouragement and an explanation why it is important, but not much else.
Suppose I would write a book about Goodreads. I could tell how important it is and how much we long for a book reading community. But the buyers probably already know, otherwise, they wouldn't have bought it. If the 'how to' part is missing, they would be disappointed, wouldn't they?
This is by no means a bad or an uninteresting book, but in my opinion, it fails to be a practical guide to connecting. Rather, it is an encouragement and an explanation why it is important, but not much else.
Suppose I would write a book about Goodreads. I could tell how important it is and how much we long for a book reading community. But the buyers probably already know, otherwise, they wouldn't have bought it. If the 'how to' part is missing, they would be disappointed, wouldn't they?
August 28, 2024
I had several lightbulb moments as I read Connecting. Am I committed to delighting in the people around me, no matter what degree of ugliness I find?
Most of my lightbulb moments came from the section about the four main urges that need to be killed:
- City building: a commitment to adequacy.
- Fire lighting: commitment to confidence.
- Wall white washing: a commitment to safety
- Well digging: a commitment to satisfaction.
The book closes with having vision for the people around you. It still feels a little vague to me, but had several helpful pointers.
Minus one star because it took so much effort to read.
Most of my lightbulb moments came from the section about the four main urges that need to be killed:
- City building: a commitment to adequacy.
- Fire lighting: commitment to confidence.
- Wall white washing: a commitment to safety
- Well digging: a commitment to satisfaction.
The book closes with having vision for the people around you. It still feels a little vague to me, but had several helpful pointers.
Minus one star because it took so much effort to read.
April 19, 2017
Wow. That was incredible. This book really gave an amazing picture of what it meant to be a good friend, and have real friendships. It took me three weeks to get though it because I didn't want to rush it and miss any good stuff. I would recommend this to pretty much anyone over 14. I wouldn't give it to anyone younger due to the mentions of adult issues, and the maturity level.
September 5, 2020
Crabb details his argument with wisdom and experience of a professional counselor and committed Christian—that we humans can approach one another’s brokenness and walk together toward healing with the “power of Christ within us.” This idea is a foundation of authentic biblical community, and Crabb breaks through to that idea well. My one critique: Crabb writes with an amount of self-confidence that borders on conceit, and the examples from his own life were irritating to me for that reason.
January 4, 2019
This book is absolutely amazing! If I could give every Christian a book, (other then the bible) this would be it.
Merged review:
This is my second time reading this book, although I listened to the audio this time. It again challenged me and gave me helpful insight into connecting with people. Still a book I would recommend to all my friends.
Merged review:
This is my second time reading this book, although I listened to the audio this time. It again challenged me and gave me helpful insight into connecting with people. Still a book I would recommend to all my friends.
March 24, 2014
Spectacular. A vision of what the Church could be like. What it should be like. Highly recommended.
May 19, 2025
A missing ingredient in Christian community that any community should read together
May 1, 2025
This book is a wild ride through hurt, heartbreak, grief, and sin—both in ourselves and in others—as we seek holiness and healthy communities of transformation into the image of Christ. Crabb touches on a wide range of emotional and spiritual struggles and calls us to something deeper than surface-level relationships or over-reliance on professional therapy.
His main idea is compelling: real healing happens not (just) in counseling offices but in Spirit-led community where ordinary believers, grounded in Christ, speak life and hope into one another’s souls. It’s a vision of church where we don’t minimize sin or pain, but instead maximize Christ and His redemptive work in each of us.
His methods are more art than science. He constantly raises interesting ideas and concepts but doesn’t always flesh them out in the most satisfying way. At times, his storytelling feels heavy-handed.
Crabb’s ideas are probably worth 7 stars, but the execution lands closer to 3 or 4. So I’ll call it a solid 5-star read overall—worth wrestling with, especially if you’re longing for a deeper, more honest kind of Christian community that actually leads to healing, transformation and connection.
His main idea is compelling: real healing happens not (just) in counseling offices but in Spirit-led community where ordinary believers, grounded in Christ, speak life and hope into one another’s souls. It’s a vision of church where we don’t minimize sin or pain, but instead maximize Christ and His redemptive work in each of us.
His methods are more art than science. He constantly raises interesting ideas and concepts but doesn’t always flesh them out in the most satisfying way. At times, his storytelling feels heavy-handed.
Crabb’s ideas are probably worth 7 stars, but the execution lands closer to 3 or 4. So I’ll call it a solid 5-star read overall—worth wrestling with, especially if you’re longing for a deeper, more honest kind of Christian community that actually leads to healing, transformation and connection.
January 29, 2019
Probably 3.5 stars. As I often am with Crabb, I find myself torn. The thesis is worth 5 stars, but you can get most of that value out of the two appendices. Reading through the whole book was helpful for me in the sense that it gave me time to process his thesis, but I don't find his writing style compelling. Too many labels of his own invention that you're having to hold in your head while trying to think through his theory in relation to real life. His organization of content sometimes perplexed me, and he is often redundant.
That said, his main point that ordinary Christians, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, are actually God's tools for doing healing work in people is an invaluable insight that is ignored by most churches. We expect professionals to do the work of the ordinary believer, and we suffer in solitude as a result.
In sum, I don't know if I'd call it a good book, but it's definitely a helpful one.
That said, his main point that ordinary Christians, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, are actually God's tools for doing healing work in people is an invaluable insight that is ignored by most churches. We expect professionals to do the work of the ordinary believer, and we suffer in solitude as a result.
In sum, I don't know if I'd call it a good book, but it's definitely a helpful one.
June 20, 2024
DNF. I began this book as an assignment for a Bible Study. While it is clear that the author was going through a transformative time when he wrote it, I wished that he had waited to publish or perhaps had a more aggressive editor. I found it difficult to get through because of what I considered to be unnecessary wordiness. His main premise is sound, why did he take so long to get into it? For example, he asserts that there is power to heal one another, in the connections we can make with each other as human beings. He then spends the first 2/3 of the book trying to convince the reader of why this is true and important. I was already convinced of that by the time I finished reading the introduction, the rest, to me, was superfluous!
I know that this book has been helpful to others and I don’t disagree with the points he makes, I just wish that someone had helped him to refine this book into something more succinct.
I know that this book has been helpful to others and I don’t disagree with the points he makes, I just wish that someone had helped him to refine this book into something more succinct.
March 23, 2025
Written by a professional therapist to the Christian Church in an effort to explain why professional therapy isn't the best tactic in addressing the deep (spiritual) needs of others, Connecting contains some precious gems covered by unclear mud, and what's worse, it could have been a text.
Here's Crabb's theory in a few words:
- We must enter into battle for another's soul, siding with their good urges against the bad, resulting in a reduced sense of loneliness.
- We must develop a vision of the other becoming more like Christ.
- We must "release the energy of Christ" in ourselves on behalf of another for profound and lasting change.
Here's Crabb's theory in a few words:
- We must enter into battle for another's soul, siding with their good urges against the bad, resulting in a reduced sense of loneliness.
- We must develop a vision of the other becoming more like Christ.
- We must "release the energy of Christ" in ourselves on behalf of another for profound and lasting change.
April 25, 2018
Fascinating theory. If we just knew how to talk and listen to one another--and bring God's "spark" of truth and goodness and vision to one another, we wouldn't need as much psychotherapy, and maybe we'd be a lot healthier and holier. We need more healing communities, Crabb says and if we had them, we might need fewer therapists. There is some practical help for how to create that kind of community, but in my opinion, not enough to really make it happen. Would love to see others process on this and provide follow up books and resources . . .
September 4, 2025
Excellent!
This book is insightful, informative and helpful to move towards Christlikeness a
In ourselves and within a sacred community. Crabb reminds us that we were created for love and connection. I love his insights on walking in true power and how when it meets the goodness in others, God is there and good things happen. He also submits the (very essential) reality and responsibility that every Christian (not just trained counselors) can help others to wholeness. This book is timely and timeless. I encourage every believer to read it.
This book is insightful, informative and helpful to move towards Christlikeness a
In ourselves and within a sacred community. Crabb reminds us that we were created for love and connection. I love his insights on walking in true power and how when it meets the goodness in others, God is there and good things happen. He also submits the (very essential) reality and responsibility that every Christian (not just trained counselors) can help others to wholeness. This book is timely and timeless. I encourage every believer to read it.
August 14, 2018
I struggled with this book...
My therapist recommended it (he is a Christian pastor) and I dutifully read it, but I could not clearly distinguish between what I would do out of my own experience (heart and mind) and what
God might more prefer I do. I wish I could speak to Mr. Crabb and ask questions. I am trying my best to first feel for what God might do, and sometimes it works, and sometimes I can feel my ego in it. 😢 I WILL keep trying.
My therapist recommended it (he is a Christian pastor) and I dutifully read it, but I could not clearly distinguish between what I would do out of my own experience (heart and mind) and what
God might more prefer I do. I wish I could speak to Mr. Crabb and ask questions. I am trying my best to first feel for what God might do, and sometimes it works, and sometimes I can feel my ego in it. 😢 I WILL keep trying.
January 9, 2018
I really love what Larry Crabb writes about. His words have deeply impacted my life and this book has been no exception. I have read this book in a group setting 4 times now and each time it resonates even more than the last. Thank you Larry for being obedient to the call on your life.
May 29, 2020
I feel like I sludged through this book. I appreciated some of his word pictures and perspectives, but felt like I could have simply read the appendices and got as much from the book as reading the whole thing.
March 9, 2021
I am reading this book the 3rd time now to soak its content into my soul. I think it is a must read for every Christian and anybody could benefit from the book. We cannot live disconnected from God, others and ourselves.
May 28, 2023
He's got an interesting view in relationships that challenges the all about me views we are fed everyday from the world. He has a deeper thinking pattern which comes out in his work well. He has obviously lived out the advice and knowledge he offers, it's not just a book of idealistic theologies.
January 6, 2020
Content is good but it gets a little repetitive.
May 23, 2020
A very good exploration of a interesting and inspiring idea.
Initially a 4 star. Will re read soon. Likely to change one way or the other upon further inquiry.
Initially a 4 star. Will re read soon. Likely to change one way or the other upon further inquiry.
October 23, 2020
This book was quite deep, and a little technical in places, but very thought-provoking and worthwhile.
October 30, 2023
Nothing remarkable, either good or bad, that I can recall after 19 years. Three stars only because I have little recall of the book.
November 12, 2023
Changing from building our own cities to living for God. I love my Lord. What can I give to his purposes?
Maybe the problem is the feeling of inadequacy itself..that feeling has more to do with wanting to be adequate than with legitimate inadequacy
Am I adequate>> I believe in you. What can I give?
Where is our confidence-in god or in our ability to come up with a good plan? We prefer instructions on what to do over an invitation to connect our hearts with his and do whatever he reveals “agree with me. Tell me what will work”>>you long to trust hun. Whom who I trust?
Is this difficulty a doorway into profoundctrust and meaningful prayer? An opportunity to be exploited on the path to knowing God and making him known
I’m learning more about what it means to release the energy of Christ whether with my son during a crisis, with a friend who’s struggling or with my wife in the normal everydayness of life
Maybe the problem is the feeling of inadequacy itself..that feeling has more to do with wanting to be adequate than with legitimate inadequacy
Am I adequate>> I believe in you. What can I give?
Where is our confidence-in god or in our ability to come up with a good plan? We prefer instructions on what to do over an invitation to connect our hearts with his and do whatever he reveals “agree with me. Tell me what will work”>>you long to trust hun. Whom who I trust?
Is this difficulty a doorway into profoundctrust and meaningful prayer? An opportunity to be exploited on the path to knowing God and making him known
I’m learning more about what it means to release the energy of Christ whether with my son during a crisis, with a friend who’s struggling or with my wife in the normal everydayness of life
May 28, 2024
Excellent. Crabb had a vision of churches filled with people who related to one another on deeper, more meaningful levels and that within that type of community, we were all called to a deeper relationship with God. It's a beautiful vision, but not an easy one. I love the way Crabb saw the church. It is gospel rich and thoroughly biblical. The more of his books I read, the more I catch that vision.
June 14, 2024
This goes on my top 10 of all time. Everyone should read this one!
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