The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully

by Joan D. Chittister

Not only accepting but celebrating getting old, this inspirational and illuminating work looks at the many facets of the aging process, from purposes and challenges to struggles and surprises.

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Religion, Self Help, Christian, Faith, Book Club

240 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Joan Daugherty Chittister, O.S.B., is an American Benedictine nun, theologian, author, and speaker. She has served as Benedictine prioress and Benedictine federation president, president of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, and co-chair of the Global Peace Initiative of Women.

Reviews

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a series of meditative essays on the nature of life after the shift from being an active working adult into becoming an elder. At first the essays seemed soporific. After falling asleep twice while reading I thought I might prefer them one at a time in a small study group setting or in a weekly newsletter (Chittister supplies one via an email subscription). But then I found myself transformed by their substance. Each essay explores a state of being such as "Joy," "Learning," or "Mystery" and closes with two means of perception: as a burden or as a blessing. I learned to let go of my old way of viewing my purpose in life. There is no need for further striving for achievement or recognition. Instead it is time to live a new way forward, to find out who I am, what I have to offer, to look again at what talents and longings I left behind to earn a living and acquire a home and family. I began to see older people differently. At symphony concerts they enter slowly using canes and walkers. Now I marvel at their commitment to hearing live orchestral music. By the final third of the book I felt I was reading a treasure. It's a library book, but I think it deserves a place on my bookshelf at home, to be savored during dark winter nights, as a tool to help make the most of whatever years or days remain for me.

Joan Chittister is a sister in the Benedictine Order and has been writing on spiritual matters to a large audience for several decades. Some essays were more meaningful to me than others. I found "Spirituality" and "Forgiveness" to be small masterpieces. Recommended for those who enjoy contemplative literature.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got interested in reading something by Joan Chittister after hearing her interviewed by Speaking of Faith's Krista Tippet. I have listened to a lot of interviews on SOF and Joan Chittister's really resonated with me. Joan Chittister is a Benedictine sister who was voted the most inspirational woman alive in a 2007 survey.

This book was valuable to me for devotional reading since it contains almost 40 short chapters (3-4 pages)on different topics relevant to those of us who are becoming the older generation. Here are some excerpts from her chapter on Meaning:

"We are in the period of life now where the question that plagues us is the very question that will either destroy or develop us--depending on how we answer it. This question, and how we answer it, are central to the last stage of life. We must not only ask ourselves, what are we when we pass from doing to being? For the sake of our happiness and mental health, we must also answer the question: What am I when I am not what I used to do? And does anybody really care? And what does that have to do with growing into God? When the job ends or the position disappears or the role outlives itself--when I'm not the moneymaker anymore or the boss anymore, or the councilwoman anymore, or the teacher anymore, or even the parent-in-residence anymore--what does it mean to be alive?"

"The world has been upside down for so long, it is almost impossible to believe anymore that the meaning of life is not about doing. The notion that it is about being--being caring, being interested, being honest, being truthful, being available, being spiritual, being involved with the important things of life, of living--is so rare, so unspoken of,as to be obtuse. We don't even know what meaning means anymore. But one thing is for sure, becoming the person in every group who asks the others more than just, "And what do you DO for a living?" might be the very thing that gives meaning to their lives."

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully is by one of my very favorite spiritual writers (and role models in faith and living), Joan D. Chittister. The book consists of essays about the spirituality of living longer, of aging, and the spiritual risks and gifts offered. The book does not need to be read chronologically, but invites the reader to pick and choose what best addresses her needs or interests at that moment. Nor does it seem that this is a book meant to be read once. For me, it will (I think) serve as a guide, a friend who will walk beside me as I age. I have already read some of the essays more than once, and found each reading as different as I was on the day I read it.

[Ronald Vasicek · Rating 2 out of 5]

She says the same thing over and over.

[Steve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had I read this book at 30, I would have found it wise: proverbs for full living. But at 66, it is profound. Chittister hits all the powerful truth of aging. Yet it is not brutal nor caustic. For those of us who are aware there is a lot more sand in the bottom of the hour glass than the top, she speaks of the mellow and sweet realities in equal fashion to the painful and the lost promise. The book is both marvel and joy; prophetic and comfort.

It is a spiritually centered book written by a Christian. But it is NOT focused on some eternal "Jesus theme park" life on the other side of living. It is about how age is liberating one to be in the now. Oughts and shoulds are over; the passion of our hearts now can be done. Reflecting on the meaning of life now has the space to be done which the chaos of adolescence and working years prevented. Loving others amid the joy of the present and delighting in what God made one to do is possible. Old age is not a prison but liberation.

Yet she has an almost magical ability to describe the emotions of knowing we are amid a story death will not allow us to complete. What lives beyond our time? What of us lives on in the lives of others? We can't know. The sadness of the unknown and the power of faith amid the unknown is a reality for those who have carried a trust in something bigger.

I'm not sure how to recommend this book. If you are young (under 55), it may not resonate fully. If you are over 65, you need this to bolster your soul; to comfort your heart; to inject courage and meaning into today. Insight and emotional connection were given to me in abundance. I will return to this book from time to time.

[J · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5 stars. LOL - an entirely secular book (written by a UN "spiritual" expert) framed as spiritual devotional reading.

I have been resisting writing book reviews lately and now I have 3 books piled up on my nightstand that need to be reviewed and returned to the library. So, here goes...

This was my least favorite book in the bunch. It was assigned reading for a new bookclub.

Granted I am not the target audience - as I am in my late-30s. However, I have always been fascinated by end of life spiritual issues. In my 20s, I briefly lived near an ancient Carthusian monastery and their greeting of "brother, remember your death" was imprinted on my heart. Everything I do in this life is to prepare me to die a good death and enter into the next life.

She seems to be selling the idea that age is a gift a bit hard. I already believe this. I can't wait to be older and have the wisdom and memories that only come with time. I have always cherished older people. But the author treats the concept like a hard-sell, as if she doesn't really believe it herself. The entire book is a collection of old-age issues that have to be overcome before you can live a meaningful life. Umm, no. Life already is meaningful, regardless of suffering or imperfections.

Unfortunately, this is an entirely secular book written by a United National "spiritual" expert. All religions/spirituality are embraced (the half star was for not disparaging organized religion as I feared) but none are explored beyond the surface.

I should also note that I was reading two high-action, fast paced books at the time. I had a very difficult time changing gears for this book. This was, at least partially, because I didn't find the writing or the "truths" in the book compelling.

There are many quotes from ancient & eastern religious leaders to reveal "wisdom". The problem is that this book was just so secular, it skimmed the surface of Truth but never dived into it. I know this book was suppose to be deep and meaningful and provoke pondering, but I have read such better books from Catholic authors (ie Thomas Merton) that this seemed like a cheap imitation. Not offensive, but not powerful either. Fluffy mumbo-jumbo.

[Note: Discovered later that the author is actually a Catholic nun, apparently famous in secular circles. Big red flag. You would never guess the author is Catholic (much less a nun) after reading the book! She purposely discards Catholic teaching in favor of embracing "all" religions and eschews her religious title. Such a shame.]

[Brett Strickland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I feel like we talk about aging and death very little, except in the context of trying to stay young and healthy and active. Probably because of that, the content of this felt very fresh and direct. Every now and then you hear something that cuts through the noise and sounds like real wisdom, and for me, that was this book.

Also, I listened to part of it while running 17 miles and I’m pretty sure it slowed me down.

[Katie Lawrence · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some truths and good ideas, but I thought it too repetitive and made assumptions that did not always ring true for me. The chapters about forgiveness and giving to other people were the strongest in my opinion.

[Gary Anderson]

One of my life’s many blessings has been the ability to retire from full-time employment at the relatively young age of 55. For the past eleven years, I’ve had the energy and desire to continue my professional work in interesting ways without the constraints of holding a full-time job. Lately though, I’ve begun to think about it all a bit differently. The focus on my professional life has narrowed–not evaporated but narrowed. I now see more clearly that the things I’ve thought were required of me are largely imaginary. Fewer things seem important, but those that still hold value have increased in importance. As I attempted to understand what seemed to be an emerging new life phase, I typed about it to the Oracle of ChatGPT and asked for some book recommendations.

What emerged was Joan Chittister’s The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully. Chittister is a leading authority on contemporary spirituality and aging. She told me exactly what I needed (and unconsciously wanted) to be told. The years beyond sixty-five do not need to be considered a stereotypical old age, full of fear, regret, and loneliness. That is a choice, but most seniors live in good health for a span of years that coincides with their retirement. Chittister emphasizes that these years provide the time to reflect on how our pasts have created the person we are today, and how we can share what we have become for the betterment of the world around us. We have accumulated knowledge, experience, wisdom, and emotional depth that the world desperately needs. We can continue to better ourselves through adventuresome living and healthy thinking while pursuing the abundant opportunities for making a positive difference.

The Gift of Years is a collection of about forty short chapters contemplating various topics including regret, joy, relationships, loneliness, nostalgia, learning, and more. Chittister’s tone is friendly but direct, wise but lighthearted. Each chapter circles back to the theme inherent in the title: Our later years are filled with possibility and opportunities for growth that often go unarticulated in our youth-centric society. Chittister concludes each section with a one-sentence summary of the burden and blessing of each chapter’s topic with the clear advice to minimize the burden and amplify the blessing.

No book is just-right for everyone, but this one landed perfectly for me.

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

First, a disclaimer. I have a "spiritual" bent but am not at all religious and I'm definitely disinterested in the role of God (or god) in life or death. This book was written by a progressive/liberal nun (like me, except for the nun part); but knowing her openness, I decided to read it and hope it wasn't too heavy on religion. That was a good call.

I'd recommended it to my book group who is reading it but hasn't yet met to discuss the entire book. So while I can't speak to how they responded, I can say that this book has had a profound impact on me.

The book is made up of very small chapters (no more than a few pages) and is organized around topics/issues (Ageism, Memory, Loneliness, Legacy ... you get the idea). There are 40 in all, not counting the Introduction and Afterword.

She challenges our sense of aging and ourselves as she works through each of these topics. She encourages you to read them out of order, focusing on what appeals to you. I read them as organized in the book since it was a book group assignment. Reading it that way works too. There is repetition of ideas spread throughout and some topics relate to others in important ways (Memory and Nostalgia, for example). Each chapter ends with a "burden" and a "blessing" that this topic brings to us. I liked that too. I won't summarize the lessons to be learned because I think that each person who reads it will hear something different that resonates with that. I will say that continued growth and contribution are a strong emphasis (and how one might do that is such a youth-oriented culture).

She is skilled at using anecdotes as well as posing challenging questions that make you view things in ways you might not have in the past. Sometimes I confess that I became tearful, thinking of things yet to be resolved in my life so I can be free to achieve more fullness at this time of my life. This is an excellent book to use as a prompt for journaling, memoir or personal essays (all of which I intend to do with this material). I highlighted huge sections and made copious notes. I've already re-read some sections and fully intend to do that regularly. Again, it could function as a book of meditations on aging and living that you could keep on your bedside.

My one reservation: it was rather too heavy on God's place in all this, especially as one nears death. That didn't resonate with me and turned me off a bit, but it is consistent with her own spiritual perspective. I chose the book recognizing that there would be things I'd have to skip over as not very meaningful to me. If you're like me, you'll need to be prepared to do that. But I don't think it should be a barrier to reading this. There is much wisdom to be had here. If you are nearing retirement, recently retired, struggling with aging and your place in the world, or know someone who is any of these things, buy a copy. Give it to someone you love. They will be grateful for it. Highly recommend (I've already persuaded two men I know to buy it to read).

[Lyn Dahlstrom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating is really 3.5.

I benefited from reading this book through one of the first chapters, "Regret." I had been mired in regret about my own life choices to the point where I had stopped a lot of any life with juice in it in the present. It was good to read in print how regret could be a "sand trap of the soul" and quick road to depression masquerading as wisdom.

The rest of the chapters had a sameness to them for me, though I'm sure that, as with the Regret chapter for me, reading them at the right time for someone could make a real impact.

Readers should be aware that the word "God" is used a lot in this book, and a life purpose as "completeness as God wants it" is assumed by the author.

[Jackie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is one of the few books I will keep to re-read. The chapters are short with easy to read print. The message is upbeat and practical and not maudlin. The author is one of those American nuns who are currently being investigated by the Vatican. The theme of the book is to make the most of what is left and to view aging as a gift. The past is gone. Look to the future and relish the prospect.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book of essays by the good Sister Joan Chittister, O.S.B. I think I counted 42. My book group started it a year ago, appreciated it. But I kept reading the essays, savoring them. I have been recommending the book to colleagues and friends who have or are soon to retire. I have it on my Kindle and will go back and start the essays again. They absolutely feed my soul and help me make sense about this wonderful stage of life called retirement.

[Nancy Jurss · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read reminding people that life is not over after retirement. The author herself is 81 years old, an author of 50+ books, co-chair of the Global Peace Initiative of Women, continues to speak and lecture all over the world, and currently organizing an educational cruise to Cuba. While we can't all be that accomplished, she reminds us that we should continue to embrace change instead of fighting it, and that old age can be a time of learning, teaching, and growth.

[Bonnieb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was, indeed, a gift...a gift of focus, positive thinking, reframing, reflection...on the realities of aging. Joan Chittister is a gifted thinker and writer; she uses this gift in a beautiful collection of inspirational reflections that focus on many aspects of aging, including the potential and joys.

Truly appreciated the thinking, the writing, the reminders.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not just a book. A beautiful guide to living a graceful & full life. It will be on my bedside from now on to remind me to appreciate every moment.

[Ann · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book but gave up on it before finishing. It lacked depth, in my opinion, and much of what the author had to say seemed painfully obvious.

[Janalee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook. This made me look forward to growing old. Turning 50 this year so. One long pep talk with lots of good points.

At 60 some feel younger than they felt at 20. When we are mourning our youth, we forget how painful and awkward it was. At old age we're through the gruel of competition and self sacrifice.

Limitations open new doors that would otherwise stay closed. Don't use them as an excuse and succumb to them.

Solitude vs loneliness was a great chapter.

We can reflect back: "was the loss really a loss? If we didn't do what we wanted to do, how do we grow instead? " Need to remember!

In the productivity chapter, there's a great speech on the fine art of not letting yourself go to seed, and to keep being interesting and interested. Until the day you die.

The benefits of intergeneration friendships. Children + elderly. "we are not meant to be cordoned off from the rest of society. We are meant to be the center of wisdom." so much value in having adults who are not their parents, show children how to do things, and take interest in them. "anchored by an adult who is not a disciplinarian "

Not taking risks or allowing yourself to see beautiful things because you don't want to go through the tedium of a long elevator ride or get out of your favorite chair is how you lose your zest for life and then wonder why it's dull. "We stop becoming and take the gift of life and stop at in its tracks." We burrow into our nests and let life go by. Life is what we make happen.

Nostalgia. An easy trap to return back in time while forgetting the hard parts. People don't look to us for nostalgia they look to us for wisdom. Ironically, Nostalgia tends to exaggerate the life they had, and destroy their life they have now"

The chapter on forgiveness was very good. The importance of healing relationships, and the tendency to blow them up bigger as time goes on. "Weeping wound that festers with time "

[Tiffanie Z. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good. Wise, profound, good lessons. I only gave 4 stars because it’s very clear that the author is very comfortable financially. She talks about freedom of the younger old and old old— that we have during these years, some of what she describes that you’ll be “free” to do, many elderly with fixed lower incomes could not afford. That said, there are many more ideas the author presents which are way more meaningful than the things one could do with a flush bank account. At 56 this book makes me look forward to aging.

[Dawn Lennon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Aging is inevitable, but understanding the essence of it seems elusive. There are books on growing up, being an adolescent, a young adult, a middle-ager, but little on understanding life as we age, all those years past 65. Sure, we can read books about all the ailments, mental decline, and life in institutions, but little on how to understand what our lives have meant and what to do with all the understanding and awareness that living those years brings. When a friend recommended, The Gift of Years, I found what I was looking for.

The beauty of this book lies in its treatment of aging as a developmental phase of life, a phase that it just as full of the potential for intellectual, spiritual, and emotional growth as any of the earlier phases. The gift of aging is that we have eliminated all the distractions that come with the earlier years. Chittister organizes the book according to a long list of topics, each addressed to put our lives in context and the years ahead too. Each chapter is short, concise and relevant around considerations like: regret, meaning, fear, relationships, learning, freedom and so many more. This makes the book a place to go to find insights as our thoughts and experiences surface going forward.

It was a relief to have found this book, a gift for my own journey forward. I read it once though and am reading it again, and will again.

[Valerie Campbell Ackroyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

to be read a bit at a time

I decided to take the author’s advice and read the book slowly, one chapter at a time. I am glad that I did because some of the chapters are meant to be savored, some chewed over, some argued with. My chief argument, from a personal point of view, is her continuing advice to be activists in our “old age, “ to be part of a community. As an introvert, I find groups uncomfortable and increasingly find it difficult to articulate me beliefs in a community that is so different from the one I experienced (well there were more than one) throughout my life. Still I did recognize what she was saying about being engaged in the world in some way and I think I have evolved, am evolving a way to do that so I am finding peace and joy in my old age. And that’s what I did like about the book, that I was able to understand what she was advising and pick and choose the advice I am going to take.
It has a lot to think about, I gave it four stars because I think it will be a book to dip back into when I am feeling low or need some encouragement.

[Janet C-B · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a birthday gift from my husband on the occasion of a milestone birthday. The book is a series of about 40 essays, each 4-5 pages, on a range of topics including Possibility, Fulfillment, Learning, Letting Go, Freedom, Forgiveness and Legacy. I read the essays over a period of 2 weeks, in no particular order. While the book is categorized as Christian spirituality, I think it could be helpful for people of a range of religious backgrounds, including no religious affiliation. The reflections are written within the context of contemporary American life. I highly recommend this book for most anyone who has an interest in giving some thought to "growing older gracefully." Joan Chittister is a new author for me. I rated the book a solid 5 stars.

[Andrea Engle · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are growing older; if you are planning on growing older; if you are young, but are dreading old age, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK!!! …separated into various sections, such as Joy, Freedom, Memories, Solitude, etc. … introduced by quotes from wise men and women, such as George MacDonald’s saying that: “Age is not all decay. It is the ripening,the swelling, of fresh life within that withers and bursts the husk.” … and concluding each section with a “Burden” and a “Blessing” … this book has many of the answers you may be seeking, and if not, you just haven’t been paying attention … I’ll climb down from my soap-box now …

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are growing older, this is a good book. If you are not, then you are dead. The book is probably written more for readers in their 60’s, 70’s, 80’s… However, I think it would be excellent for adults of all ages. It provides a good understanding of the feelings and adjustments of growing old. Thus, it’s a benefit for old and less old readers. At times, it can be depressing but it is also instructive and motivational.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great devotional style book that deals with 2nd-Half-of-Life spirituality. There is a spiritual purpose in aging. In aging we learn many lessons. As we grow older we can grow bitter or better. Trying to maintain control is a sure way to become bitter. Learning to trust the process and learn from the gift of life is the Way we become better.

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." ~2 Corinthians 4:16

[Darlene · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book club selection. I read the chapters out of order because the author said I could. I loved how she opened each chapter's theme with an appropriate quotation. I argued with her assumptions half of the time and agreed with her the other half, so it was thought provoking. My disconnect with her ideas was probably spawned by my unconventional life compared with her assumptions about her readers.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I recently reached the age of 70, I thought - perhaps I need a spiritual approach to aging...and I found this book. It raised my awareness of my ability to change how I feel about aging...it is a journey, an exciting one filled with possibility. I could choose to think with negativity and with fear. Instead, my reality can thrive in new seeing, hearing, tasting, feeling of my NOW.

[Emillam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another profound book by one of my absolute favorite spiritual leaders--Sister Joan. The book is a must read for anyone 60 and older!! It is a true blessing and opens one's eyes to wisdom as an elder!

[Sandra]

Somehow given friend's recommendation, I expected something else. Not a lot that was new or newly put. Perhaps I just wasn't in a contemplative mood or perhaps I need to try something else of hers to get a better sense of why she was so highly recommended.

[Gary McCallister · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoughtful, but not very enlightening. A lot of it feels like common sense and platitudes. But perhaps common sense isn't all that common and there are no new ways to say what ancient wisdom has taught for a long time.