Pitch Black: Color Me Lost

TrueColors #4

by Melody Carlson

If Morgan thought her life was tough before--what with a drug-addicted, klepto brother and a cradle-robbing mother--it just got worse: Her friend Jason took his own life. Morgan copes--or tries to--by attempting to piece together vague clues that might explain Jason's suicide. Making matters worse, she can't help but feel responsible somehow. Sometimes she thinks maybe Jason had the right idea all along. This fourth book in the TrueColors teen fiction series deals with the important topics of grief, suicide, self-worth, identity, and handling tragedy.

Genres: Young Adult, Christian, Christian Fiction, Fiction, Teen, Contemporary, Mental Health

208 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2004

About the author

Melody Carlson is the award-winning author of over two hundred books, several of them Christmas novellas from Revell, including her much-loved and bestselling book, The Christmas Bus.

She also writes many teen books, including the Diary of a Teenage Girl series, the TrueColors series, and the Carter House Girls series.

Melody was nominated for a Romantic Times Career Achievement Award in the inspirational market for her books, including the Notes from a Spinning Planet series and Finding Alice, which is in production as a Lifetime Television movie. She and her husband serve on the Young Life adult committee in central Oregon.

Reviews

[Merary · Rating 2 out of 5]

What's with the beginning? They all start the same: With a whine.
All I understood was: "My mom is a cougar!" WAH! "My brother sucks!" WAH! "My mom is ruining my life!" WAH! "Look at the way she dresses! Does she even have shame?" WAH! "My life is a total disaster!" WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WA--


It's only been 12 pages and that girl Morgan is being a very annoying brat who I want to torture instantly! What's with these irritating main characters that Melody Carlson created? Does she really think that teenagers act like that? I don't know who she think she is, but I'll--
*clears throat*
Anyway, Morgan's friend, Jason, committed suicide. Nobody knows why he did it. He had a wonderful life, and he threw that away? WHY? Cue to Morgan acting like it was all her fault and being depressed.
Her mood was actually realistic . . . until her and her friends become part of a suicide pact. It happened out of freaking nowhere. A minute ago, they were talking about hanging out, then decided, "Fuck this! Life sucks!", and then, meet each other, to kill each other.

Okay, I don't know much about suicide pacts, but I don't think they work this way:
"Oh my gosh, my life is terrible! My best friend killed himself! . . . Wait, I can just kill myself, too! Grace do you have Tylenol? Good. Seth, when can we kill ourselves? After Jason's funeral? That's a fantastic idea! Now that we have set this up, we are going to have our best day of our lives killing ourselves!


Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of fuckery is that? Not only does this sound wrong, it is considered by Morgan . . . acceptable.
Cue to this:


Also, the tic of using "I mean" in narration was very annoying! If I had a dollar for every mention of that tic, I could have bought a Kindle! Even the priest uses the "I mean" tic several times when he talks.

And there's a lot of telling!! It sometimes goes like this: "She said something lame." What exactly did she said that it was lame? "We watched a movie and talk." UGH.

What's Pitch Black actually that bad? Not that much.
Morgan realizes what she was doing was wrong, and backs away before it was too late. Her annoying traits become less prominent at the start of the second half of the book. And that says something, considering that the main characters from this series only become less irritating, once they become Christians at the end of each book. FYI, they become annoying Christians.
Morgan's "Christian transformation" is by far the most realistic one of the entire series. Her problems don't fade right away when she becomes a Christian, unlike the first three protagonists of True Colors. And the religious theme mentioned in Pitch Black was spiritual suicide. Which is apparently losing yourself by not dedicating yourself to God. It was very confusing in this book.

It was becoming tolerable, until Morgan released a dedicatory paper for Jason's suicide and suicide pacts, and the main message ended up like this: If you want to kill yourself, just don't overdose on Tylenol.

Two full stars for effort and for Morgan's defrosting stupidity at the end. That's it.

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

While looking at the young adult section of my local library, I stumbled across this series. Edgy Christian fiction for young adults. Hmmmm... what's that all about? So I had to check it out. I'm definitely not Carlson's brand of Christian. I'm a very liberal Catholic, so I think she'd find me sort of shady. I read the first two in the series and was not very impressed, but somehow, it became sort of an addiction, and I had to continue with the rest. Does she have a good message? Of course, and if you find your strength and comfort in religion, good for you, but I felt the lesson was delivered in a very preachy and clunky manner in this book. Plus, what a drag Morgan was! I didn't buy the whole dynamics of the suicide pact. Are a bunch of teenagers really going to sit around and debate whether or not to kill themselves like it's a decision about going to the mall and having their ears pierced? "Naw, not today but definitely tomorrow!" But I'll keep reading. I can't wait to read her take on things like witchcraft and homosexuality!

[Ashley W · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quick Review:
I don't know how much I believed this story. Jason killed himself. I can get behind that. A couple of his friends are super sad about it. Yeah, okay. I believe that too. Said friends decide they want to commit suicide as well. Okay, that's where it starts to get a little hazy for me. But I roll with it. Turns out a ton of other kids at school was wanting join this suicide pact as well? No. Just no. A chunk of the student body doesn't join a suicide pact because they think the world is so horrible because one other person thought it was. Then they find out that he didn't really mean to kill himself so they're all okay again? I'm sorry. Is suicide a trend? The cool thing to do? Nope. Not believing it.

[Jillian · Rating 1 out of 5]

Hated hated hated this book. It gives you no warning from the cover or excerpt of its underlying religious morals. I know that sounds bad, but when a story is corrupted by a forced unrealistic message... Idk it really bothered me.
I never read another one in this Color Me series.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only thing i didn't like about this book is I wanted it to be longer. I want to read more about the teens and how they and their high school were affected. I want to read more of the positive instead of almost the entire book being focused on the negative.

Most people who gave this book a bad rating did so because of the entire plot of the book. They didn't want to read about teen suicide and most felt it was unrealistic. Wake up call..... Teen suicide is a major major issue. Working with teens, I have met several who are either entertaining the idea of suicide or have at one time in their life. I know teens who are survivors of suicide attempts and I have friends who have lost loved ones to suicide.
Do teens sit around talking about suicide? Do they actually make pacts to follow through with it? Do they discuss when and how they will do it? YES!!!!! To those of you who are not wanting to see just how Realistic this book really is.... Do some research of your own!!! Suicide is about as realistic as it gets.

This is the first book that I've read of Carlson's. My 14 yr old niece told me to read it. I will definitely read the rest of the series and many more Carlson books!

[Malaika Norman]

Morgan, the central character of the book, has a much harder life than your average teenager. Her mother, a cradle robber (marries a man much too young for her), her brother a drug-addicted thief. This is not to claim that your average teenager doesn't have problems, but throughout the story, Morgan's seem to pile up. Morgan goes to school one day, and after her first period class, its announced that her best friend Jason Harding has committed suicide. The book is told from her perspective, as she struggles with peer pressure, self blame, etc. Though the book has a very important central point, the writing itself was not very powerful, it almost felt like reading a very long tweet. Nothing textual wise was challenging which I believe is one of the books weaknesses, a great strength on the authors part though was the sense of imagery and how detailed visualization is of Morgan's perspective, which really goes hand in hand with the imagery in this book. I would recommend this book to read, keeping in mind that books and or words do affect people differently, it wasn't a book that led to dramatic moral epiphanies, but there is always opportunity for a new understanding of things, I believe this book offers that.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book, really I did. As a Christian who has struggled with suicidal thoughts, I really wanted to believe that Melody Carlson could accurately portray the struggle of suicide in a realistic way. She did not.

The first third of this book is great, with the reality of a friend's death - especially one who had seemingly no reason to take his own life - well outlined. The spiral into "well, why shouldn't I?" was done justice as well. The fall-apart mark was when Morgan became a Christian.

Her heel-face turn was so sudden it was entirely unrealistic. She went from "fine, I give up God, please help," to giving a five-paragraph essay on why suicide was never the answer and if people believe in God, it will solve all their issues.

Overall, I really wanted to like this book, I just couldn't.

P.S. I don't really care what the pastor's reasoning was, bringing up "spiritual suicide" in front of THE ENTIRE YOUTH GROUP just after a member of said group took his own life is incredibly tasteless. I understand if he wanted to make the point specifically to Morgan, but to do in front of everyone was thoughtless and should have been called out IMMEDIATELY. It was just terrible.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is REALLY good. I read in less than a day. It's about a girl who's good friend commits suicide. It really makes you think about death and life and God and heaven and stuff. And I nearly cried-well I did, which is saying a lot since I never cry at books. Some of the things the characters were thinking reminded me of how it feels when someone you love died-which happened to me recently. And, anyway, if you've ever thought of suicide, known someone who has, or just are curious about death and life, then read this. You won't regret it.

[Brooke ♥booklife4life♥ · Rating 1 out of 5]

**Short "end of month" Review**

We are supposed to believe a bunch of kids are willing to kill themselves over 1 kid, No. That wouldn't happen. I'm glad at least Grandma had some clear thoughts and helped them out, thou the MCs "Friends" are crap and she needs some new ones. I hate how "wrapped" up the endings of these are. Everyone is bad for 175pgs then the last 25pgs everything turns around and clears up real quick!

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title definitely is not misleading I felt very lost while reading this book . I became so distraught while reading this book that I had to take many breaks while reading it. I have felt this way in a very low part of my life and suicide is no joke nor should it be a social action or an action at all as this grieving teen was mistaken to believe.

[Bellatuscana Bellatuscana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm surprised these kids didn't get sent to a psychiatric ward. And wouldn't it be fair to say that Jason is old enough not to be stupid to drown a bottle of pills unless he wanted to kill himself. Even though he told his mom otherwise, I bet it was to make her feel better. Still, I guess it was right that he didn't want anyone following him and so he apologized.

[Gloria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Issue: Suicide (Also the content warning!)

Morgan survived her best friend Jason's suicide. Her life has not been the greatest, her mother is eloping to Vegas with her half-her-age boyfriend, and she is clueless about Jason's death until told at school. The main question she keeps asking is "why?" - from her description, Jason has a better life than she does, with a further question of, "If a guy like Jason can't make it, how can a freak/outsider make it?" She meets up with others, and creates a suicide pact. They are about to complete their pact when Morgan's grandmother arrives. The other two split, and Granny begins the process of being there for Morgan.

The events in this book happen within two weeks, with this emphasizing the feelings and confusion that Morgan is experiencing.

Turns out, Jason accidentally overdosed on acetaminophen trying to get his father's attention - but killed himself instead. This was revealed at the funeral.

Morgan and friends, just by being there for others, are able to prevent future suicide pacts - at least arising from this tragedy. A pact to live, they call it, rather than a pact to die.

Because this is a Christian YA, I liked that the sermon was able to tie in: rather than die to everything in order to die physically, one should die to everything in order to follow Christ. I didn't have much to criticize this particular writing/reading experience, but still can't bring myself to call a book "amazing" that deals with suicide, although I think it's bad when one cannot remember the name of the living protagonist, but can remember the name of the guy who committed suicide in the book.

[kill me · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book reminded me why I want to kill myself. Not because of the depressing subject matter of course, that stuffs like a warm pillow when you're depressed. No, its watching these stupid kids casually make a suicide pact (weird, but hey I'm all for it) and then watching the MC fuck it up by being a snitch and tell EVERYONE, and then go on a mission of preaching religion and Wikipedia statistics.
I mean poor Seth. Nobody talked to him, and then suddenly when he wants to die everyone gives a shit and wheels him off to the psych ward where guess what: they'll just ignore him all over again, because they got what they wanted. They "saved" him.

So yeah. Thanks for reminding me that people suck and you should never tell anyone about your problems. That was her intention right?

[Victoria Newell · Rating 5 out of 5]

In pitch black I learned that I'm not the only person that is going through alot of stuff I also learned that sometimes you have to pay more attention to other people even if it seems they have everything together they really might not....I also learned that killing yourself is not necessarily the "easy way out" it just puts more and more pressure on other people sometimes so bad that those people might actually want to start hurting themselves because that's what they thought you wanted and why you did what you did. Please for God's sake of you or anyone you know is considering killing yourself them please talk to someone for help call the police,go to therapy do something to help. This book might make you 😢😢cry😩it definitely made !e cry many many times

[AnyKname · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not going to lie, this book is dark. I mean, how can it not be dark when you're in the mind of someone who is seriously considering suicide and you're watching them seriously plan it? But the thing about the dark is it makes the light shine so much brighter. I had heard that before, and it is so true of this book. Yes, the dark is hard to read about, but the light that comes after it makes it so worth it.
So yes content warning for suicide. Here's a list of hotlines for anyone who is considering suicide: https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_ho...

This may be a 3.5 read for me, it may not be any more quality than the previous books but it's still a 3.5 star for me.

[Elizabeth Finner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing because its about a girl who is so depressed about what happened to her best friend and she didn't know what to do. She gave up on god and everything else because she didn't see the point to continue living so she was thinking into doing suicide with some friends.Then realized she has more to her live and doesn't have to focus on the bad stuff and let god lead her the way. This book is full of sadness but i like it a lot because you can see the challenges she has faced trying to find her way back.

[autumn · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are in a situation where you can't bear your surroundings and in a time of crisis this will help. I was in a time of frustration and confusion but then when I was crying at parts and found out that I had it all wrong. I shouldn't dwell on my feelings I should care about others because I will always know my feelings but I won't always know others. If your read this book you should learn something - " Take it one day at a time. " That is now what I do I don't worry about tomorrow I just live today. That's what matters.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book because Iv read the first few in the series, but so far I really related to the first book about loneliness. But I related to this one although Iv never had a close friend committ suicide. Iv struggled w/ depression and anxiety for years. Iv often thought about suicide. Iv never committed to it though. But this book helped some. It just helps knowing your not alone in your pain. I know this is a made up story but I'm glad Melody C wrote about this topic.

[Carmel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was much heavier than I expected it to be, my fault for not reading the summary.

Because of the light/open approach to suicide at the beginning of the book, I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone below the age of 16 or anyone who struggles with suicidal thoughts.

For anyone who chooses to read this book, beware! the book moves at an unrealistically fast pace, making much of the character development unbelievable.

[Abdellatif Elnaka · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my opinion, I think this was pretty good for a short book. As this book is about a girl, Morgan Bergstrom, who lost her friend to suicide. Then she soon attempts to kill herself to join him from the grief she feels and the aroma around her. She then soon makes a pact for those who want to commit, soon turning her and those involved in the pact in. I personally loved the development Morgan went throughout the book, from totally hopeless to seeking hope for those who are suicudal.

[Shania Zarza · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just letting people know...this is a really deep book. Like seriously, it's deep. But it's a good deep, it helps teens understand that things will get better and to trust that God has everything under control. Yes, this book has God in it, which is what we need in this messed up and pitch-black world.

[Alexa Bermudez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a very good book because throughout the book there was so much suspense and each chapter of the book there were so many hooks that I left on. And, it had me wanting to read more just because I wanted to know what happened next.

[Ruby Kilmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

very emotional.

[Dumlesi Ndam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-esteem is a big deal. It cures all ills.

[Landon · Rating 5 out of 5]

super lit

[Corvo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fell asleep while reading

[Lilly Reno · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book, it really helped showing religion can help you overcome things (I’m an atheist) and suicide in teen and how to help them.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

i personally enjoyed this

[Reneethereader · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't understand why I was so attached to these books as a teen. lord I'm glad that's over

[Macy Keen]

Pitch Black
Macy Keen
January 12th, 2017
Pre-AP English 10 - 5
Melody Carlson is writer of many book series and people describe her as a person who truly understand teen girls and what they go through. Many and almost all of Melody Carlson’s novels are directed toward teen girls or women and many of which are part of a series.
The book was written in the United States in 2004. This time period was when the world was slowly changing, as it always is, but directed toward teen girls and what they go through.
The story takes place at Morgan’s high school, and her home and throughout neighborhood.

Morgan - the main character faces the trials of growing up pretty much on her own and how to deal with her best friend's suicide.
Jason - Morgan’s best friend who kills himself
Morgan’s brother - not much of a brother as he is addicted to drugs and klepto
Morgan’s mom - also not much of a part of family as she isn’t around much when Morgan is.
I think the theme of the book is to look to God throughout your troubles. As Morgan is faced with mourning over the loss of her best friend Jason’s death and trying to find out why he killed himself, she begins to think about what she could have done and what she should have done to help. And starts questioning her self worth and God and it turns out she just needed to look toward God and ask for help and direction through what she has been through and continues to go through.
Through growing up with a drug addicted brother, a mother who doesn’t take care of her, and now after her best friend Jason, has taken his own life, Morgan doesn’t know where to turn. She tries to self mourn but it only makes her without friends or anyone to talk to. After reading Jason’s suicide note but still not getting a clear vision of what was going on, she begins to blame herself. She starts thinking of the times they were together and how she could have helped and how she regrets not being there for him as much as he was for her. She begins to question her self worth and wander if she should put everyone out of there misery by making herself diappear. She begins thinking about death and God and all the factors through dying and being a christian and it gets to her. She starts thinking she isn’t good enough and that Jason had the right idea all along about taking his life and making himself stop hurting. She thinks this that is until God reaches out to her and she can’t describe the way she feels. She gets back up on her feet, she feels worthy of something, and she feels wanted. She begins making more and new friends, and while still keeping Jason in her thoughts, she only wishes that he could have been saved as she was.
Symbolism and irony are a big part of this novel. God is a symbol of heroism in this book. Morgan feels as if she is swept away and saved and see the true colors of her self worth. Irony is a part because of how Jason was feeling and how he took his life thinking that he could make it better for those around him and make himself stop hurting. However, Morgan started feeling the same way and it almost cost her her life as well.

“‘Did you hear about Jason?’ Carlie’s eyes are huge as she grabs me by the arm. But I’m not in the mood for her theatrics right now. And I’m not interested in hearing the latest juicy bits of gossip. Not even about Jason.” This is Morgan speaking. At the time she was unaware of what had happened to Jason, which was that he had killed himself, but as being unaware, she didn’t want to listen as well.
“I feel like someone has just sucked the oxygen right out of my lungs, like i can’i catch my breath, or maybe I’m underwater and sinking like a stone. This is also Morgan speaking. She is feeling this way because she has just found out about Jason killing himself. She immediately feels like she can’t breathe and that it can’t be true.
“I nearly jump out of my flip-flops. But suddenly I’m thinking it’s him - it’s Jason and he really is alive and this whole thing is really just a big, bad joke.” Morgan is thinking this as one of her friends Seth calls out her name as she is leaving school.