How to Be Bad

by David Bowker

Mark is a mild-mannered twenty-three-year-old bookseller who makes endless lists about stupid things. His life changes when he reestablishes contact with his old girlfriend, Caro. At seventeen, Caro was an implausibly sexy, promiscuous, druggy big-mouth. Six years later, she's exactly the same and Mark falls in love with her all over again. Caro, who has nothing but contempt for Mark's list and his choirboy attitude, asks him to prove his love by giving him a list of her a list of people she wants him to kill for her. As things begin to spiral out of control and the bodies pile up, Mark himself becomes a target and realizes that to survive, he needs to be as ruthless and decisive as his enemy.
Violent, edgy and with a wicked sense of humor, How to Be Bad establishes David Bowker as one of the premier crime writers working today.

Genres: Fiction, Crime, Novels, Noir

256 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2005

About the author

Born in Manchester but now living in Cambridge, David Bowker is author of six novels, including The Secret Sexist, From Stockport with Love and, most recently, Rawhead and Rawhead in Love. He was voted 'Manchester Writer of the Year' by City Life magazine.

Reviews

[Maddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

RATING: 4.75

You know how when it's your birthday, sometimes a loved one will prepare your favorite meal? And even before you sit down at the table, your saliva glands are running amok and then when you start to eat, it's all you can do not to "ooh" and "ah" between every bite? That's what David Bowker's books are like to me, and HOW TO BE BAD is an entrée that surpasses its predecessors. It's a mélange of originality, humor, darkness and pathos that left me well sated and sad to push back my chair without having another helping at hand.

Mark Madden is the owner of a rare bookstore and the quintessential nice guy. His idea of behaving like a bastard is to walk by a street beggar without giving him money. At one time in his life, he was involved with a wildly promiscuous woman by the name of Caro. When they renew their relationship, sparks literally fly. Caro is turned off by Mark's niceness and his tendency to talk in lists and gives him an ultimatum. Either he will kill off three people who have mistreated her, or their relationship will be over.

What a quandary! How does a guy who picks up flies that have crashed into a window and set them on a blanket kill a human being? But life with Caro is so much more interesting than his normal life as Mr. Boring Guy that he actually considers becoming a murderer. In a nice twist, the first target dies without his intervention; Caro believes that Mark has performed the task and is elated. For the first time in her life, she actually makes a commitment to a relationship.

Mark and Caro go on the lam. When Caro decides to change her ways and be "nice", things get even worse. More deaths follow, and things begin to spiral out of control toward a resolution that is gruesomely and darkly funny.

David Bowker is one twisted author, in the best possible way. He presents an incredible tale in a credible way. HOW TO BE BAD is a noir-tinged tale with sparkling humor and colorful characters. And that birthday dinner I mentioned earlier? Perhaps a better analogy would be your last meal while you're on death row. Yum, yum!

[Lukasz Pruski · Rating 3 out of 5]

“How To Be Bad” by David Bowker is an extremely funny book. The writing is so wonderfully hilarious that I was laughing out loud (LOL’ing) every other page. Some samples: “I slammed my fist into his midriff. It was like hitting a Henry Moore sculpture, but not as enjoyable”, “The gun was sexy. My God, I thought fine first editions were attractive enough, but knowing I was holding something that the L.A. cops used to shoot holes in innocent bystanders thrilled me beyond reason.” I will refrain from quoting various funny sexual references. I hope Mr. Bowker had as much fun writing this book as I had reading it. Tremendously entertaining!

My problem with the book is that entertainment is all I get from it. Either I am obtuse or there is nothing else in the novel. It is just extreme writing/reading fun. I cannot find much depth. Caro is deeply amoral, a sociopath. Mark is deeply moral, in search of sense of life. They love each other. They brutally kill many, many people. And the only two words I can say after having finished reading the book are: “So what?” There is a tiny bit of depth in the denouement, but spelling it out would entail spoiling it.

Now about what is good about the book. First and foremost: it is short, just 241 pages. Thank you, Mr. Bowker! Next, the novel is sort of recursive or, in other words, self-referential in many ways. For example, it begins with a guy coming into a bookstore and asking for the “most horrible” book. Further chapters of the novel provide the most horrible depictions of injury and death. The protagonist, Mark the bookseller, comments on a book by Mr. Bowker, the author of the novel. The last chapter is called "Thirty-one sentences"; guess how many sentences it contains. Etc.

Great fun and nothing else.

Three stars.

[RandomAnthony · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read most of this book in an Erie, PA train depot in the middle of the night, waiting for a late train. This book helped me pass the time very well...kind of like Tarantino met someone who really loved used books and they wrote a screenplay. Quick, light, but cool.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I can be bad now. First you fall for a girl that's turned on by bad things. Second you have to accidentally kill some people and say you did it on purpose. Three kill some people for real. Now you know how to be bad too.

David Bowker weaves a tail of accidental crime to full blown crime in his novel. He takes a page from what seems to be his favorite author Nick Hornby and writes a timid self aware man who just trying to get the girl of his dream. Unfortunately for Mark, his love is a bit of psychopath. Caro gets turned on by violence and she wants Mark to kill three people that have been troubling her. 1. Wallace 2. Her Father 3. Jesus! Mark sets out to do what he cannot do, kill.

This book goes from one bad situation to the next without much breathing room. You're never sure if Mark is going to make it out alive. It seems that every time he gets a little closer to Caro the world wants to kick him down and beat the living hell out of him.

If you like the style of Nick Hornby, this book is an interesting read. Bowker doesn't hide his love for Hornby as he references him at different points in the book. Although Bowker has his own style mixed into his book making sure it's not a knock off of Hornby. If you enjoy books about the modern man trying to navigate in a less than modern society this book is for you.

[Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bowker takes all the elements of High Fidelity, misplaced modern male obsessed with collecting and out of touch with traditional masculitiny, and adds a touch of crime. The book is amusing and would probably be a good cure for nothing on television for an evening. It's a quick read.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book definitely has an engaging storyline. Some of it starts to strain credulity a little bit, but Bowker handles that pretty well so it isn't much of a problem. Interesting characters as well. I don't think this book is going to exactly change the world or anything, but it's worth a read.

[Bettie · Rating 3 out of 5]

At nine o'clock that morning, the bell above the front door rang to tell me someone had entered my shop.

Love me some trash so long it is heralded as such; never have liked trash that is sold as important literature. heh

[Vika Ryabova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Книга небольшая - я проглотила ее за день, кажется. В нескольких местах смеялась до слез, в остальных - просто смеялась :) Временами сюр зашкаливает просто. Придется теперь еще почитать этого автора.

[Jim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Strong start, good tension, some very funny scenes. It was not built for distance.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

на мой взгляд лучшая книга Боукера

[Олексій · Rating 3 out of 5]

Книжка смішна і весела.