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Living with the Active Alert Child: Groundbreaking Strategies for Parents
A welcome resource for those parents of children bursting with energy, creativity, and intensity who feel as though they are struggling to keep up, this guide offers relief, reassurance, and practical advice on dealing with what Linda Budd, a psychologist with more than 35 years' experience, terms "active alert" children. Dr. Budd provides a clear delineation of common characteristics and helps parents understand what motivates their children. She also offers case histories and lively anecdotes about successful strategies employed by other parents. This third edition of Living with the Active Alert Child includes a chapter on living with an active alert teenager, as well as Budd's insights, after having tracked many children to adulthood, on what high-achievers many active alert children ultimately become.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
288 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1990
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 13, 2008
What I really need is a book on "Living with the Highly Active, Stubborn, Smart, Sarcastic, Fearless Child," but since I couldn't find that one at my local library, I settled on this.
At first, I didn't think I was going to care for the book. It seemed to offer pretty much the same-old-same-old in modern parenting advice: make sure you don't make your child feel ashamed; don't be an authority in your house but a "cooperation coordinator"; don't punish; view every negative trait thorough a positive lens (if she hits you, think of it this way: she has good aim); manipulate your child's diet in case the red dye #47 is causing him to stick out his tongue at you; and, of course, "establish boundaries," because "children need boundaries," but don't be too much of an authority about enforcing them! I thought it would be yet another on of these books where every incident of disobedience and every request your child makes is turned into a lengthy process of negotiation and psychoanalysis.
As I read on, however, I found it less permissive and more useful than I had originally expected it would be. I like that the author recognizes that there are different family structures and different styles of parenting, and that one structure is not necessarily the "best" in and of itself, but each has something to offer an active alert child, and, if honed and slightly altered, can better accommodate that child. In other words, she isn't asking you to give up your family personality or family values, whether that means your conservatism or your liberalism, your emotional openness or your emotional reserve. She helps you to identify your type of family system and tells you what your particular family structure can offer an active alert child, but also how that particular system might exacerbate problems with that type of child. Her main point seems to be: you can change your kid's behavior, but not her personality, so learn to live with her personality _within_ the framework of the existing family system by tweaking that system here and there.
I enjoyed her references to literary characters to put things in perspective. She addresses sibling rivalry, among other topics, and covers quite a bit of ground. I don't know about her one, two, three out strategy, however, as it seems to reward bad behavior: have two "bad" days and on the third I'll take you to the zoo? What? The feeling chart seemed another bad idea, as I think it would cause children to focus excessively on how they perceive others and how others perceive them. There is a lot of focus on self-esteem and affirmations as well, which is good up to a point, but criminals and sociopaths and low academic achievers are all shown to have generally higher self-esteem than the regular population, so I think the whole "self-esteem" issue may be a modern red herring. I'm really more concerned about teaching my kids to respect others and to act in self-respecting ways than to "esteem" themselves.
I definitely found some things to underline in the book and put into practice, however. The really helpful thing about this, as with most books dealing with how to parent highly energetic and willful children, is that you learn you are not alone, and you learn that your child is perhaps not as big a challenge as you thought.
At first, I didn't think I was going to care for the book. It seemed to offer pretty much the same-old-same-old in modern parenting advice: make sure you don't make your child feel ashamed; don't be an authority in your house but a "cooperation coordinator"; don't punish; view every negative trait thorough a positive lens (if she hits you, think of it this way: she has good aim); manipulate your child's diet in case the red dye #47 is causing him to stick out his tongue at you; and, of course, "establish boundaries," because "children need boundaries," but don't be too much of an authority about enforcing them! I thought it would be yet another on of these books where every incident of disobedience and every request your child makes is turned into a lengthy process of negotiation and psychoanalysis.
As I read on, however, I found it less permissive and more useful than I had originally expected it would be. I like that the author recognizes that there are different family structures and different styles of parenting, and that one structure is not necessarily the "best" in and of itself, but each has something to offer an active alert child, and, if honed and slightly altered, can better accommodate that child. In other words, she isn't asking you to give up your family personality or family values, whether that means your conservatism or your liberalism, your emotional openness or your emotional reserve. She helps you to identify your type of family system and tells you what your particular family structure can offer an active alert child, but also how that particular system might exacerbate problems with that type of child. Her main point seems to be: you can change your kid's behavior, but not her personality, so learn to live with her personality _within_ the framework of the existing family system by tweaking that system here and there.
I enjoyed her references to literary characters to put things in perspective. She addresses sibling rivalry, among other topics, and covers quite a bit of ground. I don't know about her one, two, three out strategy, however, as it seems to reward bad behavior: have two "bad" days and on the third I'll take you to the zoo? What? The feeling chart seemed another bad idea, as I think it would cause children to focus excessively on how they perceive others and how others perceive them. There is a lot of focus on self-esteem and affirmations as well, which is good up to a point, but criminals and sociopaths and low academic achievers are all shown to have generally higher self-esteem than the regular population, so I think the whole "self-esteem" issue may be a modern red herring. I'm really more concerned about teaching my kids to respect others and to act in self-respecting ways than to "esteem" themselves.
I definitely found some things to underline in the book and put into practice, however. The really helpful thing about this, as with most books dealing with how to parent highly energetic and willful children, is that you learn you are not alone, and you learn that your child is perhaps not as big a challenge as you thought.
September 7, 2023
I crawled through this one (it’s what happens when you’ve got a thousand library books ready all at once and some books you’ve had at home for ages)…BUT it was def worth it. Liv is less active than some of what’s described here but holy moly so much of these traits (alert, bright, observant, intense, empathic, fearful etc) resonated. Our kid is both absolutely normal and absolutely extra, and reading books about “spirited” “sensitive” or in this case “active alert” children is one way I feel seen and cope when other mama peers aren’t dealing with the struggles we seem to have. Some of it dragged on, didn’t feel relevant, and/or was dated info, hence the 3.5 I felt it merited.
January 24, 2025
I went to a seminar about this topic in the '90s, and It made me think of my nephew. The basis stuck with me. When I became a parent, it came to mind with my daughter, and I started reading the book. Didn't finish it. Years later, I decided to clean up my 'in progress' pile and read the last 60 pages or so. What comes to mind for me is Asbergers or ASD level 1. My son is ASD level 1 and ADHD. He hits a lot of these markers (as did my daughter). He has an official diagnosis where my daughter does not. I just wonder what this author thinks of this topic now that ASD has expanded its definition and our understanding of it. Three star rating because I think the research is outdated.
September 12, 2018
Read this as part of a class. I am a preschool teaching assistant and want to learn more about the different personalities, temperaments and disorders I will be seeing. Was never aware of this sort of thing, but of course I started checking off all the people I know whom this could fit. Sometimes very repetitive, but that’s good for a book you’re studying, I guess.
March 7, 2021
My therapist actually recommended this to me a year or so ago when we were both struggling to come up with effective parenting strategies for my uniquely demanding child. I promptly ordered myself a copy and got partway through it, and didn’t pick it up again. In January I started over and read it in its entirety. The author, while a bit rigid in her prescribed strategies, has been the only developmental expert to describe my child so accurately. Much of the book is highlighted for this reason — for me as a parent, it was a very validating and encouraging read.
July 25, 2016
From the intro this book was filled with first-hand stories that resonated with me, as I could identify many traits of the active alert child in my son. The author/therapists describes a group of her child clients that are observant, bright, competitive, dread transitions, allergic, and always moving (from in-utero on). This group of behaviors can lead to a loud, high energy child that is often labelled as 'difficult'. I appreciated that the authors explanations often put a positive spin on understanding the trait (hard to retain positivity in the middle of a tantrum) and offered solutions for caregivers to guide the child into learning family-friendly, society-approved behaviors. I am so glad this book was recommended to me and even happier that I finally read it. I can already predict that I will be reading it again as he ages, because it had many helpful tips for setting up a positive educational experience as he enters school. I took a star off because I wish the book came with a bigger question and answer section. Even better would be one-on-one time with the author where I could quickly jot down answers to daily problems!
December 31, 2014
I picked up this book after the staff at my son's kindergarten suggested he might be on the autism spectrum. My wife and I were flabbergasted. Our son is full of energy - more than enough to get him in trouble. He is curious, bright, friendly, but also uncooperative unless one can engage him mentally. Think "I'll time you. Turn off the bathroom light and close the door. On your mark, get set, go!" This book equipped me with a new set of vocabulary to discuss his learning differences and much of the content applied to my son but it was odd to read opposite descriptors associated with active alert kids throughout the book. Overall, the positive framework the book creates and the affirming nature of the content are refreshing for children that can be "a handful". I wish it were structured differently and that more statements were cited in footnotes, also, I found many of the frequent anecdotal examples to be interruptive to my typical reading style. Would still recommend to any parent who is faced with qualified opinions from professional educators if they try to suggest your child has a learning disability which you never suspected in observing his development over the years.
September 30, 2011
When I was raising 3 daughters, my middle daughter was somewhat overactive. I found this book, but found myself here instead of her....if you realize you are marching to a different drummer but do not know why, this is a good read for talkative, creative, active people!
July 1, 2016
It was like this book was written for my son. I wish there were more specific tips, but just having this info helps so much. Google search Active Alert, if you think the 11 traits fit your kid, read this book!
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February 23, 2015This was my child - this was probably me. What a great help this book has been to my parenting.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews