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The Making Of Mr Hai's Daughter
Mr Hai arrived in London in 1964. But, while becoming British via a passport had been easy, becoming English was something to be studied - then passed on, first to his wife, newly arrived from Pakistan, and then to his children. Mr Hai put his family firmly on the road to assimilation, and his first-born daughter, Yasmin, was his star pupil.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
352 pages, Paperback
First published April 3, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
July 29, 2009
Memoirs about sub-continental immigrants in Britain usually share a common take on identity, culture, generation gaps and familial relations. In most of those books, the authors describe their struggle to figure out who they are and which culture they feel a greater affinity towards as they balance their Western surroundings with their parents’ traditional beliefs.
I had just finished reading Jasvinder Sanghera’s “Shame,” and just returned from a disheartening visit to Southall when I saw this book at a Borders store in London. The last thing I wanted on my mind was another immigrant tale pitting parents versus children, East versus West, old versus new, culture versus religion, men versus women, etc. Mind you, I love these stories, and I can relate to them to an extent. I was just a little overwhelmed by the time I came upon this book, which explains why it took me nearly a year to pick it up again.
But Yasmin Hai’s struggle was quite the opposite of most of her counterparts. Her father, an Indian-Muslim immigrant to Britain, chose to raise his children modern, or modon as it was termed in their Asian enclave in London. From employing the help of his friend’s white wife (Aunt Hilda) to steer Yasmin towards being more British, to buying her a hymn book so she would not be deemed ignorant during school prayers, to sending her to a school of young liberal activists in a chapter titled “Operation Middle Class,” Mr. Hai’s attempts at breeding British children were pragmatic, funny, and at times misguided. He sought to create a balance between Eastern and Western values by emphasizing education and denouncing religion, but he didn’t anticipate that his children – who thought British but looked Indian – would not always be well-received by either racial group.
Yasmin beautifully conveys the tension of having to straddle both worlds when Aunt Hilda sternly reminds her that eating with her hands is “what Pakis do.” Recalling her teenaged years, she contrasts her North London pacifist school crowd with the sentiments on the streets in her Wembley neighborhood, where she got into fights with racist white girls. Later on, she sees hypocrisy and confusion in her peers who slip into traditional Muslim roles after having exhausted their years of youthful rebellion. As an adult, Yasmin bumps into an old acquaintance who says that her family had the right balance of both cultures, which surprises her, because she is more perplexed about who she is than ever before. In fact, her identity issues become much more pronounced when she navigates a post 9/11 media career in a world which only wants black and white answers.
This book will be an enjoyable read for anyone from a similar background (immigrant, third-culture kid, mixed-race, etc) but it can also serve a wider audience. That’s the charm in Yasmin Hai’s writing, and her approach to a painful and fascinating topic. Just as she manages to artfully juggle her cultural identities, she is skilled in mixing a storyteller’s narrative with wry humor and thoughtful insights onto a larger canvas, so the memoir reaches beyond her personal conflicts.
I had just finished reading Jasvinder Sanghera’s “Shame,” and just returned from a disheartening visit to Southall when I saw this book at a Borders store in London. The last thing I wanted on my mind was another immigrant tale pitting parents versus children, East versus West, old versus new, culture versus religion, men versus women, etc. Mind you, I love these stories, and I can relate to them to an extent. I was just a little overwhelmed by the time I came upon this book, which explains why it took me nearly a year to pick it up again.
But Yasmin Hai’s struggle was quite the opposite of most of her counterparts. Her father, an Indian-Muslim immigrant to Britain, chose to raise his children modern, or modon as it was termed in their Asian enclave in London. From employing the help of his friend’s white wife (Aunt Hilda) to steer Yasmin towards being more British, to buying her a hymn book so she would not be deemed ignorant during school prayers, to sending her to a school of young liberal activists in a chapter titled “Operation Middle Class,” Mr. Hai’s attempts at breeding British children were pragmatic, funny, and at times misguided. He sought to create a balance between Eastern and Western values by emphasizing education and denouncing religion, but he didn’t anticipate that his children – who thought British but looked Indian – would not always be well-received by either racial group.
Yasmin beautifully conveys the tension of having to straddle both worlds when Aunt Hilda sternly reminds her that eating with her hands is “what Pakis do.” Recalling her teenaged years, she contrasts her North London pacifist school crowd with the sentiments on the streets in her Wembley neighborhood, where she got into fights with racist white girls. Later on, she sees hypocrisy and confusion in her peers who slip into traditional Muslim roles after having exhausted their years of youthful rebellion. As an adult, Yasmin bumps into an old acquaintance who says that her family had the right balance of both cultures, which surprises her, because she is more perplexed about who she is than ever before. In fact, her identity issues become much more pronounced when she navigates a post 9/11 media career in a world which only wants black and white answers.
This book will be an enjoyable read for anyone from a similar background (immigrant, third-culture kid, mixed-race, etc) but it can also serve a wider audience. That’s the charm in Yasmin Hai’s writing, and her approach to a painful and fascinating topic. Just as she manages to artfully juggle her cultural identities, she is skilled in mixing a storyteller’s narrative with wry humor and thoughtful insights onto a larger canvas, so the memoir reaches beyond her personal conflicts.
July 9, 2009
Really good. Written by a British Muslim. Yasmin Hai writes about growing up as a muslim in Britain before all the problems and grapples to comprehend why it all changed,very articulate and comprehensive..and funny.
May 30, 2016
Thought-provoking in places, but mostly bland and uninteresting. Got no idea why her story is in any way important or why I should bother to read on. Gave up 100 pages in, when I couldn't be bothered to go back to it.
October 11, 2021
Loved this book and recommend it highly! Yasmin Hai, the author of this memoir and a second generation British Pakistani woman, describes her upbringing and self-discovery with engaging stories, told with directness, honesty, and when appropriate, good humor. Unlike too many stories we tell about ourselves, Ms. Hai never portrays herself in heroic form (though I have no doubt her experiences would have been reported that way by objective observers.) She grapples with a lot of issues like belonging, the value of community, religion and tradition vs finding one's own way, growing up female in ways different from one's mother and friends, what to do with the lessons taught by one's father -- the list goes on. And although told from her very individual perspective, her musings seem completely familiar. One note and small brag: I've spent dinner at Ms. Hai's house with her and her family, but I don't believe that's influenced my opinion of her book at all.
August 12, 2018
Most British Asian Muslims won't be able to relate to this book. The upbringing and experiences that Yasmin Hai discusses aren't that of the typical British Muslim. However, towards the end of the book it does give some interesting insights into how western journalism is selective in the Muslims it chooses to employ and how stories are negatively spun in regards to Islam.
June 22, 2020
Really interesting - exploring the concept of Britishness, multiculturalism and religion- what it means to be a Muslim during the 70s and post 9/11. Looking at I though individual perspectives as well as generational.
October 6, 2019
First generation Asians growing up in Britain.
May 3, 2021
I need to read more autobiographies this was really good!!!
June 8, 2023
thought provoking
August 22, 2011
A well-written personal memoir that raises wider questions about identity and culture. Yasmin Hai reveals her own conflict and confusion in accepting all parts of herself and understanding her immigrant parents and extended family.
What does it mean to be British Asian? How does being a Muslim reconcile with her Westernised, secular upbringing? - her Indian father was a communist and adamant that his children should be thoroughly British and modern in their outlook.
Most of the book raises these challenges in a fairly light-hearted and personal way, but some of the most thought-provoking passages come towards the end. As a TV current affairs producer, Yasmin is frustrated by new depths of media stereotyping that follow 9/11 and 7/7 and examines the politicisation of Islam from the 1990s.
She also wrote an interesting column about this in the Times: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comm...
What does it mean to be British Asian? How does being a Muslim reconcile with her Westernised, secular upbringing? - her Indian father was a communist and adamant that his children should be thoroughly British and modern in their outlook.
Most of the book raises these challenges in a fairly light-hearted and personal way, but some of the most thought-provoking passages come towards the end. As a TV current affairs producer, Yasmin is frustrated by new depths of media stereotyping that follow 9/11 and 7/7 and examines the politicisation of Islam from the 1990s.
She also wrote an interesting column about this in the Times: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comm...
October 28, 2015
I'd actually give this book 3.5 stars. Gives a great insight into the life of ordinary Muslims and shows you the Islam behind the headscarf. It's also a good study on the struggle for identify, written with a light touch. The author's journalistic background meant her style felt very dynamic and current, pulsing with energy and a sense of urgency.
October 29, 2011
I loved this book. I sough out similar type of books after reading biography "The Guide to Acting English". Lots of fun to read. Anyone wanting a biography that isn't about abuse and is a positive book you will find this an enjoyable read.
July 3, 2014
About Asian Muslims, living in Britain. It says it all. If you belong to any of these categories, the book might be worth reading. To me, "The Brick Lane" by Zadie Smith explored the subject of becoming British better, although it was just a novel.
February 8, 2016
A fascinating insight into an immigrant family's longing to be British, and the changes in attitudes over recent decades.
November 29, 2023
Best book I have read EVER!!! Very very interesting and very very well written. I loved it SO much.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews