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Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist's Journey Through the Hell of Divorce
The emotionally charged story of a divorce that brought the surprising gift of grace
Just when Stacy Morrison thought everything in her life had come together, her husband of ten years announced that he wanted a divorce. She was left alone with a new house that needed a lot of work, a new baby who needed a lot of attention, and a new job in the high-pressure world of New York magazine publishing.
Morrison had never been one to believe in fairy tales. As far as she was concerned, happy endings were the product of the kind of ambition and hard work that had propelled her to the top of her profession. But she had always considered her relationship with her husband a safe place in her often stressful life. All of her assumptions about how life works crumbled, though, when she discovered that no amount of will and determination was going to save her marriage.
For Stacy, the only solution was to keep on living, and to listen—as deeply and openly as possible—to what this experience was teaching her.
Told with humor and heart, her honest and intimate account of the stress of being a working mother while trying to make sense of her unraveling marriage offers unexpected lessons of love, forgiveness, and dignity that will resonate with women everywhere.
Just when Stacy Morrison thought everything in her life had come together, her husband of ten years announced that he wanted a divorce. She was left alone with a new house that needed a lot of work, a new baby who needed a lot of attention, and a new job in the high-pressure world of New York magazine publishing.
Morrison had never been one to believe in fairy tales. As far as she was concerned, happy endings were the product of the kind of ambition and hard work that had propelled her to the top of her profession. But she had always considered her relationship with her husband a safe place in her often stressful life. All of her assumptions about how life works crumbled, though, when she discovered that no amount of will and determination was going to save her marriage.
For Stacy, the only solution was to keep on living, and to listen—as deeply and openly as possible—to what this experience was teaching her.
Told with humor and heart, her honest and intimate account of the stress of being a working mother while trying to make sense of her unraveling marriage offers unexpected lessons of love, forgiveness, and dignity that will resonate with women everywhere.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published March 23, 2010
63 people are currently reading
817 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
November 23, 2009
There are about 20-30 pages of really good material in this book, but I'm just not able to feel exceptionally sympathetic for a narrator who moans about the difficulties of being a single mother but who has a full time nanny, whose ex takes her child not only on a regular basis but overnight. Do I care if her ski vacation is ruined by her ex's text messages? Nah. Do I care that she's worried about how she's going to pay back the FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS her parents loan her to do home repairs? Nah. Do I care that she has to take a taxi to Manhattan in order to get prompt emergency room treatment when her toddler does a face plant and needs stitches? Maybe a little. Too many problems I just can't relate to. The good bits are when she explores her fears of lose of identity. Heck, if I had this kind of money, I kinda think it would be easy to be optimistic.
June 2, 2017
Oh man, I wanted to be sympathetic to the author and root for her triumph over the misery that is divorce. Unfortunately, I'm mostly just confused that the author considers herself an optimist. She came across to me as overly whiny and controlling. Try as I might, I just could not relate to the author or her struggles. As a mom going through a divorce now, I find that odd.
She's completely freaked out about her financial situation so she can only afford to take a little vacation, by renting a beach house for a month. She's so alone, except for the numerous friends and family that she's been close with for years that are constantly there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or a distraction from her stress. Her life is such a mess, other than those amazing friends and family, her incredible kid, and the fact that she's incredibly successful at such a fulfilling career. This is literally the most charmed, privileged divorce story I could imagine.
I tend to love memoirs and I struggled to finish this story. I'll freely admit to skimming over the last couple of chapters, just so I could finally be finished with the book.
She's completely freaked out about her financial situation so she can only afford to take a little vacation, by renting a beach house for a month. She's so alone, except for the numerous friends and family that she's been close with for years that are constantly there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or a distraction from her stress. Her life is such a mess, other than those amazing friends and family, her incredible kid, and the fact that she's incredibly successful at such a fulfilling career. This is literally the most charmed, privileged divorce story I could imagine.
I tend to love memoirs and I struggled to finish this story. I'll freely admit to skimming over the last couple of chapters, just so I could finally be finished with the book.
March 9, 2010
My Review and Description:
Divorce, you say? Is there something you are not telling us?, you may be saying to yourself when reading this.
I would respond. No. No secrets here. I am just a fan of well written memoirs. I believe we all have a story to tell and if you can tell yours and have others learn from it, then you've done a good job. Stacy Morrison does just that. She wrote an excellent memoir not only about her divorce but of her struggles with being a new mom, a single parent, a busy professional, a homeowner, a daughter, and a friend to her ex-husband.
Her story is similar to many. Extremely educated and an ambitious professional, Morrison had very exact ideas of what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go. She takes us on a journey of her life in the world of magazine publishing and her climb to the top. While becoming more and more successful she discovers love and eventually marriage.
The life she creates with her husband is envious and what seems effortless, known to her friends as the least married like couple out there. A child would make it close to perfection.
But ten years in with a five month old baby and a new house in Brooklyn her husband tells her he is done. Just like that. She is left devastated, furious and knee deep in navigating single motherhood and solving years old poor plumbing in her fabulous new home.
The journey she takes after that moment is full of definite hard times and roads that seem long and unending. As a new mom, I would gasp at some of the struggles she had to go through alone with her son; the unexpected accidents, the desire to keep some normalcy in his life, the battles in communicating with her ex-husband over his needs.
But even as a woman, she writes with such unflinching honesty that no matter where you are at as a reader; married, single, dating- you really understand every emotion she goes through. Her intellect also really shines through in her writing style; honest yet well thought out, timed, and constructed. As I read, I felt that she wanted to tell her story a certain way, with a particular beat to it and time line. It would be easy to sum it up with he left me and I cried but she really goes deep in examining her issues that she brought to the table, her parent's interesting marriage and her friend's relationships.
I learned a lot from this book actually and I was surprised that it had such depth and heart. I would recommend it for a book club choice. In fact, my book club is tomorrow and I am thinking of bringing it along for my pick (that and Little Bee!). It has so much to offer as far as learning. Questions that popped in my mind while reading it include: Do I take my husband for granted? Do I manage my personal life like I do my professional life? Is my home a business too? Have a talked about happiness with my husband lately? How has having a child changed us? Are we happy with those changes?
It definitely got me thinking a bit. So because of that, I think it would be a good choice for discussion.
Rating: 5 stars/6 stars
As a memoir fan, I would give this book a solid 5, definitely worth recommending and passing along to those married or in a relationship in your life. Single readers would enjoy it as well but I think overall it would be most relatable to those in a relationship.
Stacy Morrison is the editor in chief of Redbook magazine.
Divorce, you say? Is there something you are not telling us?, you may be saying to yourself when reading this.
I would respond. No. No secrets here. I am just a fan of well written memoirs. I believe we all have a story to tell and if you can tell yours and have others learn from it, then you've done a good job. Stacy Morrison does just that. She wrote an excellent memoir not only about her divorce but of her struggles with being a new mom, a single parent, a busy professional, a homeowner, a daughter, and a friend to her ex-husband.
Her story is similar to many. Extremely educated and an ambitious professional, Morrison had very exact ideas of what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go. She takes us on a journey of her life in the world of magazine publishing and her climb to the top. While becoming more and more successful she discovers love and eventually marriage.
The life she creates with her husband is envious and what seems effortless, known to her friends as the least married like couple out there. A child would make it close to perfection.
But ten years in with a five month old baby and a new house in Brooklyn her husband tells her he is done. Just like that. She is left devastated, furious and knee deep in navigating single motherhood and solving years old poor plumbing in her fabulous new home.
The journey she takes after that moment is full of definite hard times and roads that seem long and unending. As a new mom, I would gasp at some of the struggles she had to go through alone with her son; the unexpected accidents, the desire to keep some normalcy in his life, the battles in communicating with her ex-husband over his needs.
But even as a woman, she writes with such unflinching honesty that no matter where you are at as a reader; married, single, dating- you really understand every emotion she goes through. Her intellect also really shines through in her writing style; honest yet well thought out, timed, and constructed. As I read, I felt that she wanted to tell her story a certain way, with a particular beat to it and time line. It would be easy to sum it up with he left me and I cried but she really goes deep in examining her issues that she brought to the table, her parent's interesting marriage and her friend's relationships.
I learned a lot from this book actually and I was surprised that it had such depth and heart. I would recommend it for a book club choice. In fact, my book club is tomorrow and I am thinking of bringing it along for my pick (that and Little Bee!). It has so much to offer as far as learning. Questions that popped in my mind while reading it include: Do I take my husband for granted? Do I manage my personal life like I do my professional life? Is my home a business too? Have a talked about happiness with my husband lately? How has having a child changed us? Are we happy with those changes?
It definitely got me thinking a bit. So because of that, I think it would be a good choice for discussion.
Rating: 5 stars/6 stars
As a memoir fan, I would give this book a solid 5, definitely worth recommending and passing along to those married or in a relationship in your life. Single readers would enjoy it as well but I think overall it would be most relatable to those in a relationship.
Stacy Morrison is the editor in chief of Redbook magazine.
July 12, 2010
While the book had some truly beautiful moments of raw honesty, overall I couldn't help but feel the author was trying too hard to convince us she could out-Dalai the Lama. Her perfectly tempered, perfectly magnanimous, perfectly reasoned response to every situation simply strained credibility. When she finally referred to herself as a Zen warrior goddess, in jest or not, my eyes rolled so hard I'm surprised I remained conscious. If this is the fault of bad editing, that took a real and raw story and white-washed it into Saint Stacy then shame on them. If not, well, I wouldn't have been able to live with her either.
April 23, 2010
If this is how a GOOD divorce goes, I REALLY REALLY hope I never have to go through it, especially if there are children in the picture. Kudos to Stacy for her honesty, and I am so glad she eventually emerged strong and happy, and full of love for life.
Read
May 3, 2011Divorce. It’s nearly a dirty word. Personally, I hate it. I hate that I’ve ever been through it. I hate that I’ve seen people hurt by it. But, it’s a sad reality in our society and so I think it’s important that it’s talked about. People in the middle of a divorce need to know that all of their fears, anxieties, anger, sadness is totally normal and that they are not alone.
Stacy Morrison’s book, Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, is such an amazing story of her own experience with divorce and how she fought with her inner demons throughout the entire process. When her husband of ten years dropped the bomb on her that he wanted out, her mind went wild with reason after reason of how it was her fault. She felt entirely unlovable.
On top of all that, the house she had loved so much met the rainy season and started falling apart under her feet and she had a baby to take care of. But wait, she’s not done – She was also out of a job and getting ready to take on the huge challenge of becoming Editor-In-Chief of Redbook magazine. Oh yeah, she had some stuff going on in her life. That’s enough to send anyone over the deep end, but Stacy held on and made it through the “hell of divorce” and came out better for it all.
Her memoir of her struggles is so good that I actually had to put it down several times and read something else. How does that make it a good book? Easy. Her words spoke to me so clearly that I found myself projecting the anger and hurt that she felt toward her husband onto my own husband! When Chris (her ex-husband) would say something particularly hurtful or selfish, I would catch myself speaking more harshly to my hubby. How’s that for storytelling?
Despite all that she had to deal with and her rotten luck (except for the editor-in-chief thing), Stacy managed to keep an optimistic attitude in the face of extreme adversity. Her strength, her passion and her ability to persevere make her quite an amazing woman. If you have ever been through divorce, this book will speak to you.
Stacy Morrison’s book, Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, is such an amazing story of her own experience with divorce and how she fought with her inner demons throughout the entire process. When her husband of ten years dropped the bomb on her that he wanted out, her mind went wild with reason after reason of how it was her fault. She felt entirely unlovable.
On top of all that, the house she had loved so much met the rainy season and started falling apart under her feet and she had a baby to take care of. But wait, she’s not done – She was also out of a job and getting ready to take on the huge challenge of becoming Editor-In-Chief of Redbook magazine. Oh yeah, she had some stuff going on in her life. That’s enough to send anyone over the deep end, but Stacy held on and made it through the “hell of divorce” and came out better for it all.
Her memoir of her struggles is so good that I actually had to put it down several times and read something else. How does that make it a good book? Easy. Her words spoke to me so clearly that I found myself projecting the anger and hurt that she felt toward her husband onto my own husband! When Chris (her ex-husband) would say something particularly hurtful or selfish, I would catch myself speaking more harshly to my hubby. How’s that for storytelling?
Despite all that she had to deal with and her rotten luck (except for the editor-in-chief thing), Stacy managed to keep an optimistic attitude in the face of extreme adversity. Her strength, her passion and her ability to persevere make her quite an amazing woman. If you have ever been through divorce, this book will speak to you.
July 1, 2019
You know, I think there should be more basic stories about surviving divorce. It's a good look at a thing a lot of people go through.
How Good Does This Book Make my Wasband Look?
4/5
You know, actually pretty dang good. I really feel confident that he wouldn't just up and bail on his family with minimal interest in being the engaged-parent he is.
This book has some pretty major problems as a memoir . . . I really don't feel like you can expect to do a tell-all expression of every emotion during something like this and not come off looking-- well, not great. She knows she's a good person to be around because she's a great boss that people like working for, seeming to fundamentally miss that a boss/subordinate relationship is an entirely different species from a married relationship. And she seems to have a latent undercurrent of resentment for motherhood-- not hatred of her child, per se, but she does seem to blame the arrival of a child for the destruction of her marriage, and openly wishes that she didn't have a child so that she could 'move on' without the complexity of co-parenting. One day, her child will read this book. Should kids really have to read the emotional diarrhea of their parents' divorce?
I dunno. Very mixed bag here.
ETA: There's another thing that keeps niggling at me.
Does she really not realize that by complaining IN A BOOK about the amount of time her ex spends complaining to her about his job is, in fact, effectively outing him? Violating a confidence that he thought he could trust her with? Passive-aggressively manipulating him into a) losing his job or b) never speaking to her again or c) both?
No, this is not a picture of you "keeping it real." This is you being either shockingly blase' about your son's father, or manipulative and backstabby. Stating everything that comes into your head isn't necessarily "being honest and open." Sometimes, choosing not to weigh the effects of your words (IN A BOOK) is just as calculatedly vicious as a lie.
How Good Does This Book Make my Wasband Look?
4/5
You know, actually pretty dang good. I really feel confident that he wouldn't just up and bail on his family with minimal interest in being the engaged-parent he is.
This book has some pretty major problems as a memoir . . . I really don't feel like you can expect to do a tell-all expression of every emotion during something like this and not come off looking-- well, not great. She knows she's a good person to be around because she's a great boss that people like working for, seeming to fundamentally miss that a boss/subordinate relationship is an entirely different species from a married relationship. And she seems to have a latent undercurrent of resentment for motherhood-- not hatred of her child, per se, but she does seem to blame the arrival of a child for the destruction of her marriage, and openly wishes that she didn't have a child so that she could 'move on' without the complexity of co-parenting. One day, her child will read this book. Should kids really have to read the emotional diarrhea of their parents' divorce?
I dunno. Very mixed bag here.
ETA: There's another thing that keeps niggling at me.
Does she really not realize that by complaining IN A BOOK about the amount of time her ex spends complaining to her about his job is, in fact, effectively outing him? Violating a confidence that he thought he could trust her with? Passive-aggressively manipulating him into a) losing his job or b) never speaking to her again or c) both?
No, this is not a picture of you "keeping it real." This is you being either shockingly blase' about your son's father, or manipulative and backstabby. Stating everything that comes into your head isn't necessarily "being honest and open." Sometimes, choosing not to weigh the effects of your words (IN A BOOK) is just as calculatedly vicious as a lie.
November 2, 2017
Stacy cried. A lot. Constantly. About everything. In between her tears and accounts of bawling and hiding and denying and sobbing, etc. there are nuggets of optimism and some decent advice. You must look very patiently to find them. Oh, and her ex is an ass.
September 15, 2011
Most of my friends will tell you that I am not really a self-help kinda gal. I read for pleasure – thus the name of this blog. I have to do a fair amount of reading-to-learn for my job, so my personal reading tends to lean towards the “lost-in-a-book” category. A nice balance of fluff and more challenging fare.
That said, there are so many memoirs out there which actually fall into the category of reading I like to do. Stacy Morrison’s book Falling Apart in One Piece ticked a whole bunch of boxes for me: well-written, engaging, takes place in NYC, heroine who was relatable and, okay, yes, it just happened to be about the deterioration of a marriage…a subject that has been much on my mind these last few months.
Morrison was, for many years, a well-regarded magazine editor (Marie Claire, Modern Bride, Redbook) in New York City. An over-achiever, her career is hitting new heights just as her thirteen year relationship (ten of them married) to Chris starts to skid. The night he announces that their marriage is over is a shock to Morrison, although she is certainly able to trace its demise once she sets herself to the task.
Falling Apart in One Piece doesn’t gloss over any of the details. The stages of grief are all there in full view: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness and finally, hope. Morrison is also quick to share the blame for what went wrong; she’s done the hard work and scratched beneath the surface of her own shortcomings as a partner.
Falling Apart in One Piece isn’t a finger-pointing memoir. (In fact, the book is dedicated to Morrison’s son and Chris.) Morrison honestly tries to work through what went wrong, but it takes months of soul-searching to finally get to a place of hope. The beauty of her memoir is that she doesn’t ever make it feel like all it takes is the snap of a finger or a new man to fix what has gone horribly wrong. Her heartbreak is palpable:
Somehow I came back downstairs to finish a conversation I’d never wanted to start, a conversation I had never even had the foresight to dread. I sat on the sofa next to Chris, not touching him and barely even looking at him because I was so afraid, and I cried. He talked, and I talked. I reasoned and begged and pleaded and sobbed and wailed. I tried to manipulate. I tried to convince him I would die That Very Second if he didn’t realize the total wrongness of his thoughts. I didn’t yet understand that these tactics would no longer work, that I was already out of the equation.
Morrison is left with no choice but to pick up the shattered pieces of her life and move on: she has a baby, a new job, a house in need of many repairs and suddenly, she is all alone. Her memoir is full of moments of humour, insight, sadness and, ultimately, hope.
Anyone who has been set on this path – whether or not they have chosen it themselves or had it chosen for them – will benefit from Morrison’s reflections. The end of a marriage is heart-wrenching, but as Morrison’s favourite poet, Rainer Maria Rilke says: “The point is to live everything.”
That said, there are so many memoirs out there which actually fall into the category of reading I like to do. Stacy Morrison’s book Falling Apart in One Piece ticked a whole bunch of boxes for me: well-written, engaging, takes place in NYC, heroine who was relatable and, okay, yes, it just happened to be about the deterioration of a marriage…a subject that has been much on my mind these last few months.
Morrison was, for many years, a well-regarded magazine editor (Marie Claire, Modern Bride, Redbook) in New York City. An over-achiever, her career is hitting new heights just as her thirteen year relationship (ten of them married) to Chris starts to skid. The night he announces that their marriage is over is a shock to Morrison, although she is certainly able to trace its demise once she sets herself to the task.
Falling Apart in One Piece doesn’t gloss over any of the details. The stages of grief are all there in full view: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness and finally, hope. Morrison is also quick to share the blame for what went wrong; she’s done the hard work and scratched beneath the surface of her own shortcomings as a partner.
Falling Apart in One Piece isn’t a finger-pointing memoir. (In fact, the book is dedicated to Morrison’s son and Chris.) Morrison honestly tries to work through what went wrong, but it takes months of soul-searching to finally get to a place of hope. The beauty of her memoir is that she doesn’t ever make it feel like all it takes is the snap of a finger or a new man to fix what has gone horribly wrong. Her heartbreak is palpable:
Somehow I came back downstairs to finish a conversation I’d never wanted to start, a conversation I had never even had the foresight to dread. I sat on the sofa next to Chris, not touching him and barely even looking at him because I was so afraid, and I cried. He talked, and I talked. I reasoned and begged and pleaded and sobbed and wailed. I tried to manipulate. I tried to convince him I would die That Very Second if he didn’t realize the total wrongness of his thoughts. I didn’t yet understand that these tactics would no longer work, that I was already out of the equation.
Morrison is left with no choice but to pick up the shattered pieces of her life and move on: she has a baby, a new job, a house in need of many repairs and suddenly, she is all alone. Her memoir is full of moments of humour, insight, sadness and, ultimately, hope.
Anyone who has been set on this path – whether or not they have chosen it themselves or had it chosen for them – will benefit from Morrison’s reflections. The end of a marriage is heart-wrenching, but as Morrison’s favourite poet, Rainer Maria Rilke says: “The point is to live everything.”
May 1, 2011
Kudos, to the writer for opening herself up like this to the world. That in and of itself takes an incredible amount of courage. While it might have been very cathartic for her--As a reader I found it painfully repetitive and dull. The problems of having to borrow a huge sum of money from her parents she knew she could pay back, complaining about having to pay off and fire nannies (are there any day care's in NY?), and getting amicably fired from one dream job and hired at an even better dream job...took away from the full catastrophe it seemed like the author wanted us to feel based on her divorce and its domino effects. It was just tepid and anti-climatic and maybe thats just how it was for her--but it just didn't make for great reading.
The text was mired in this enduring misery for way too long. Where as Eat Pray Love and Under the Tuscan Sun did a fast forward through the deep misery and sprinkled it into a more interesting adventure. So there was some entertainment value there...in this I found no entertainment value, valuable insights or universal truths that I--as a non-divorced reader could relate to. She did come to some interesting revelations at the end but with such an uneventful road there the journey just seemed like a chore.
That said it is true that the average woman does not get to take a trip around the world or move to Tuscany...some people just have to rebuild their lives on native soil, doing the same things they did before...minus the relationship. Maybe someone in a similar situation can gain something from reading this...it has some good reviews out there..so clearly every book has a reader.
The text was mired in this enduring misery for way too long. Where as Eat Pray Love and Under the Tuscan Sun did a fast forward through the deep misery and sprinkled it into a more interesting adventure. So there was some entertainment value there...in this I found no entertainment value, valuable insights or universal truths that I--as a non-divorced reader could relate to. She did come to some interesting revelations at the end but with such an uneventful road there the journey just seemed like a chore.
That said it is true that the average woman does not get to take a trip around the world or move to Tuscany...some people just have to rebuild their lives on native soil, doing the same things they did before...minus the relationship. Maybe someone in a similar situation can gain something from reading this...it has some good reviews out there..so clearly every book has a reader.
March 18, 2011
Phew! I don't have to write the story of my divorce; Stacy Morrison has done it for me, and better than I ever could have in Falling Apart in One Piece -- One Optimist's Journey Through the Hell of Divorce.
One day, and seemingly out of nowhere, Stacy's husband Chris declared he was done with their marriage. Morrison takes the reader through the journey of divorce, destruction, and rebuilding in an impeccably written memoir. The piles of troubles that only begin with her divorce are revealed honestly, with a rawness mingled with elegance in the telling.
With Morrison as the guide I was able to navigate through my own story of divorce with moments of insight and moments of, "Yes, that's what I've been trying to say." And also moments of vulnerability, anger, and even a few tears. Any marriage has a story, and to realize that some of that story must be rewritten to become the tale of the present can be a startling surprise. In Falling Apart in One Piece, Morrison takes the reader through that surprise and sums up her narrative with hope that the pieces of the kaleidoscope will rearrange themselves into patterns of ever-changing beauty.
One day, and seemingly out of nowhere, Stacy's husband Chris declared he was done with their marriage. Morrison takes the reader through the journey of divorce, destruction, and rebuilding in an impeccably written memoir. The piles of troubles that only begin with her divorce are revealed honestly, with a rawness mingled with elegance in the telling.
With Morrison as the guide I was able to navigate through my own story of divorce with moments of insight and moments of, "Yes, that's what I've been trying to say." And also moments of vulnerability, anger, and even a few tears. Any marriage has a story, and to realize that some of that story must be rewritten to become the tale of the present can be a startling surprise. In Falling Apart in One Piece, Morrison takes the reader through that surprise and sums up her narrative with hope that the pieces of the kaleidoscope will rearrange themselves into patterns of ever-changing beauty.
May 13, 2015
I read this book for multiple reasons. My friend is going through a divorce so I hoped to understand it a bit more and maybe get some insight - I like reading different types of memoirs - divorce is a topic that in my mind is something I hopefully will never have to face. I felt very bad for how much sadness Stacey went through. I hope she's very happy currently.
July 8, 2015
I love this book I thought that it's a great book for anyone who does not wish to be embroiled in a bitter and nasty divorce. And yes, you don't have to be embroiled in a better a nasty divorce. It's A choice. You can't control what your spouse does, but you can control what you say and how you behave. And yes I'm speaking from personal experience.
February 25, 2019
This woman had the audacity to write that she regretted buying (yes, BUYING) an apartment in NYC that wasn’t big enough for a live-in au pair. I almost hurled the book across the room at that point. It’s easy to be an optimist when you’re so privileged.
April 22, 2012
Welcome to Three-Book Third Thursdays! This month, the three books under discussion are Lift, by Kelly Corrigan; Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist’s Journey Through the Hell of Divorce, by Stacy Morrison; and This Is Not the Story You Think It Is… A Season of Unlikely Happiness, by Laura Munson. Please note that these are books I have read on my own; I was not given review copies of these books.
Lift is a letter by Corrigan to her two young daughters, in which she describes her perspective on their family life as it is now, while the girls are young. Corrigan is an author and cancer survivor; she is married to Edward.
Falling Apart recounts Morrison’s experience of her husband’s decision to leave their marriage of nearly ten years, and her efforts to maintain a happy home for their infant son, begin a new job as editor-in-chief of Redbook magazine, and repair and sell their Brooklyn home. Oh, and hold on to all the personal growth she’d attained in the years with her husband.
This Is Not the Story turns out to actually be the story of a breach in Laura Munson’s marriage, and how she got out of her husband’s, and her own, way to happiness.
So. We have parenting, we have marriage and divorce, we have reconciliation. We have family.
Corrigan’s love letter to her daughters isn’t all rosy. She recounts her friends’ bouts of infertility, and compares that heartbreak to her own with cancer. She remembers her daughter’s hospitalization and her fear, summing it up by saying that the hospital stay “marked the beginning of how I came to know what a bold and dangerous thing parenthood is. Risk was not an event we’d survived but the place where we now lived.” The death of Corrigan’s teenage nephew and its effect on her parenting is a vivid reminder that tragedy visits us in ways that leave us changed forever. But Lift is at its heart, a gift to her daughters – a wish and a dare and a hope that in all life’s turbulence, they’ll find “lift” and fly.
Morrison’s situation is vastly different from Corrigan’s. Her story opens with her husband’s announcement that he’s done. ” ‘I’m done with this,’ he said, gesturing with his hand to encompass our living room, our kitchen, our home, our son, our future, our dreams, every single memory we’d ever made together in our thirteen years together as a couple, and me, suddenly meaningless me.” This catches Morrison off-guard, as they are new homeowners and have a five-month-old baby. In her account of their relationship, Morrison attributes significant personal growth to her husband’s influence. Reacting to his announcement, she does her best to change his mind and cling to her marriage.
With the eventual realization that she cannot sidestep divorce, Morrison finds that she has multiple role models for what not to do, and steps tentatively onto a road less traveled. She decides to proceed with her optimism intact and to cherish memories and lessons gained during her years with her husband. In short, she refused to treat her husband vengefully, to take shortcuts through the pain and difficulties ahead, or to allow bitterness to take root. In defying those odds, she learns to view her grief as a river’s flow rather than a mountain she can conquer. She starts to put aside illusions of safety and embrace the uncertainty that life brings. “I was safe because I’d had the opportunity to lift my proverbial hood and take a long look deep within. And I had discovered that I really liked what – and who – I saw in there.”
That brings us to Laura Munson, whose title This Is Not The Story You Think It Is… could aptly have graced Morrison’s work as well. Many people read Munson’s New York Times essay summing up the crisis in her marriage, and her book tells their story with compassion, grace, and a remarkable objectivity.
When Munson’s husband announces that he wants out, Munson ducks the blow and tells him she doesn’t believe him, then carries on creating family life with or without his participation. For most of the summer, it’s without. She focuses on their children, their garden, her love of horses, and on continuing family activities. She keeps her husband informed, offering him choices without reprisal when he absents himself. Munson doesn’t set herself up as a saint, simply as a woman who’s discovering ownership of her happiness and becoming willing to accord her husband room to find his own. Cherished myths about herself and their marriage need a fresh look or even a demolition, but throughout, Munson vows to thrive, to nurture her family, and to honor her husband as a person and partner.
Every family weathers its share of storms. Maybe, like me, you’re thinking right now of one in your tribe. Some are avoidable, in theory, caused by a loved one’s harsh word or thoughtless action. Some are visited upon us by others – a careless driver crosses our path, a business partner embezzles. Natural disasters wash away our trust in the stability of structures, both physical and relational.
The magic of Corrigan’s, Morrison’s, and Munson’s stories is this: they face the storms and come out thankful for rebuilding and for the version of family they call their own. In their stories, all’s well whether or not it ends well.
Lift is a letter by Corrigan to her two young daughters, in which she describes her perspective on their family life as it is now, while the girls are young. Corrigan is an author and cancer survivor; she is married to Edward.
Falling Apart recounts Morrison’s experience of her husband’s decision to leave their marriage of nearly ten years, and her efforts to maintain a happy home for their infant son, begin a new job as editor-in-chief of Redbook magazine, and repair and sell their Brooklyn home. Oh, and hold on to all the personal growth she’d attained in the years with her husband.
This Is Not the Story turns out to actually be the story of a breach in Laura Munson’s marriage, and how she got out of her husband’s, and her own, way to happiness.
So. We have parenting, we have marriage and divorce, we have reconciliation. We have family.
Corrigan’s love letter to her daughters isn’t all rosy. She recounts her friends’ bouts of infertility, and compares that heartbreak to her own with cancer. She remembers her daughter’s hospitalization and her fear, summing it up by saying that the hospital stay “marked the beginning of how I came to know what a bold and dangerous thing parenthood is. Risk was not an event we’d survived but the place where we now lived.” The death of Corrigan’s teenage nephew and its effect on her parenting is a vivid reminder that tragedy visits us in ways that leave us changed forever. But Lift is at its heart, a gift to her daughters – a wish and a dare and a hope that in all life’s turbulence, they’ll find “lift” and fly.
Morrison’s situation is vastly different from Corrigan’s. Her story opens with her husband’s announcement that he’s done. ” ‘I’m done with this,’ he said, gesturing with his hand to encompass our living room, our kitchen, our home, our son, our future, our dreams, every single memory we’d ever made together in our thirteen years together as a couple, and me, suddenly meaningless me.” This catches Morrison off-guard, as they are new homeowners and have a five-month-old baby. In her account of their relationship, Morrison attributes significant personal growth to her husband’s influence. Reacting to his announcement, she does her best to change his mind and cling to her marriage.
With the eventual realization that she cannot sidestep divorce, Morrison finds that she has multiple role models for what not to do, and steps tentatively onto a road less traveled. She decides to proceed with her optimism intact and to cherish memories and lessons gained during her years with her husband. In short, she refused to treat her husband vengefully, to take shortcuts through the pain and difficulties ahead, or to allow bitterness to take root. In defying those odds, she learns to view her grief as a river’s flow rather than a mountain she can conquer. She starts to put aside illusions of safety and embrace the uncertainty that life brings. “I was safe because I’d had the opportunity to lift my proverbial hood and take a long look deep within. And I had discovered that I really liked what – and who – I saw in there.”
That brings us to Laura Munson, whose title This Is Not The Story You Think It Is… could aptly have graced Morrison’s work as well. Many people read Munson’s New York Times essay summing up the crisis in her marriage, and her book tells their story with compassion, grace, and a remarkable objectivity.
When Munson’s husband announces that he wants out, Munson ducks the blow and tells him she doesn’t believe him, then carries on creating family life with or without his participation. For most of the summer, it’s without. She focuses on their children, their garden, her love of horses, and on continuing family activities. She keeps her husband informed, offering him choices without reprisal when he absents himself. Munson doesn’t set herself up as a saint, simply as a woman who’s discovering ownership of her happiness and becoming willing to accord her husband room to find his own. Cherished myths about herself and their marriage need a fresh look or even a demolition, but throughout, Munson vows to thrive, to nurture her family, and to honor her husband as a person and partner.
Every family weathers its share of storms. Maybe, like me, you’re thinking right now of one in your tribe. Some are avoidable, in theory, caused by a loved one’s harsh word or thoughtless action. Some are visited upon us by others – a careless driver crosses our path, a business partner embezzles. Natural disasters wash away our trust in the stability of structures, both physical and relational.
The magic of Corrigan’s, Morrison’s, and Munson’s stories is this: they face the storms and come out thankful for rebuilding and for the version of family they call their own. In their stories, all’s well whether or not it ends well.
Read
March 24, 2020Whew, these divorce memoirs are killing me. Yet another memoir in which a dude decides he can't/won't be married not long after his wife has a baby. In this case, I think the author does a better job of self reflection of her part in what happened.
Even so, I think I've got one more divorce memoir in me, and that's it.
Even so, I think I've got one more divorce memoir in me, and that's it.
May 26, 2010
While I felt like the author was a little too proud of her superior intelligence and many accomplishments for a woman her age, I gained some insight from falling apart in one piece. I learned that it really is true that no one who hasn't experienced the roller coaster ride of divorce can fully understand what you're going through. She described lying on the kitchen floor bawling full out and then noticing there were crumbs underneath the stove. She told about losing friends because they "belonged" more to her former husband than they did to her. And the long days at work where she had to put her grief in the Tupper Ware container in her mind and be the excellent Executive Editor and boss she was.
They say it's always good to recognize you're not alone in your suffering--that others have been there and truly know--on an emotional and cellular level--what you're going through. I did identify strongly with her experience.
My favorite passage in the book: "As I looked at the mosaic floor my son was joyously dancing on, I was reminded that what you see in your life isn't one thing, one picture, one thought. Life is a thousand little pieces, sliding and moving like bits of glass in a kaleidiscope. You may get a moment of suddenly taking in a pattern whole, and then it's gone again in a flash, changing, shifting into something else."
They say it's always good to recognize you're not alone in your suffering--that others have been there and truly know--on an emotional and cellular level--what you're going through. I did identify strongly with her experience.
My favorite passage in the book: "As I looked at the mosaic floor my son was joyously dancing on, I was reminded that what you see in your life isn't one thing, one picture, one thought. Life is a thousand little pieces, sliding and moving like bits of glass in a kaleidiscope. You may get a moment of suddenly taking in a pattern whole, and then it's gone again in a flash, changing, shifting into something else."
March 22, 2011
Falling apart in one piece: One optimist’s journey through the hell of divorce is author, Stacy Morrison’s memoir. In this book, she shares her story of how her marriage came crumbling down around her and how eventually, she grew from it.
I must admit that I was not really feeling this book and gave up on it about a third of the way in. I did skim the rest of the book but didn’t feel like I really needed to read anymore. I did not take away anything from it, other than the fact that Ms. Morrison is better without her ex-husband. I did feel sorry for Stacy on one hand but on the other hand, I did grow tried of she keep asking herself why her and what is she going to do now. I could understand what a shock it was to Stacy and all the different stages she experienced as she tried to make sense of it all. My and my husband about a year ago went through a rough patch in our marriage. We separated for about two months. At that time, I did go through the different stages of grief, shock, denial, rage, and than I thought about my situation and realized that I had two choices…try to make things work or move on and start afresh. I felt that Stacy did move on and become stronger for it in the long run. Overall, I was not a fan of this book.
I must admit that I was not really feeling this book and gave up on it about a third of the way in. I did skim the rest of the book but didn’t feel like I really needed to read anymore. I did not take away anything from it, other than the fact that Ms. Morrison is better without her ex-husband. I did feel sorry for Stacy on one hand but on the other hand, I did grow tried of she keep asking herself why her and what is she going to do now. I could understand what a shock it was to Stacy and all the different stages she experienced as she tried to make sense of it all. My and my husband about a year ago went through a rough patch in our marriage. We separated for about two months. At that time, I did go through the different stages of grief, shock, denial, rage, and than I thought about my situation and realized that I had two choices…try to make things work or move on and start afresh. I felt that Stacy did move on and become stronger for it in the long run. Overall, I was not a fan of this book.
March 5, 2011
What I Can Tell You:
I read this book last night in just a few hours. Stacy has lived through one of my biggest fears. Being married is hard work. There are plenty of ups and downs in all relationships but when Stacy's husband tells her he's done you immediately want to hate him. How could anyone just decide one day they are "done"? All parties of a relationship have their own reality and it may not be the mirror image of yours. What Stacy does with dignity, humor and wisdom is see her role as her marriage dissolves around her and comes out better on the other side.
Stacy, isn't most of us. She has a nanny for her child, a good paying job, an ex-husband who wants to see his son and shares parenting responsibilities with her. While I believe most woman in the same situation will not be able to relate to Stacy because of those things, what we do get out of this story is that, regardless of lifestyle, divorce is hard. It is devastating to all parties involved and the raw emotion of the journey from marriage to single again, can and will knock you on your ass!
I read this book last night in just a few hours. Stacy has lived through one of my biggest fears. Being married is hard work. There are plenty of ups and downs in all relationships but when Stacy's husband tells her he's done you immediately want to hate him. How could anyone just decide one day they are "done"? All parties of a relationship have their own reality and it may not be the mirror image of yours. What Stacy does with dignity, humor and wisdom is see her role as her marriage dissolves around her and comes out better on the other side.
Stacy, isn't most of us. She has a nanny for her child, a good paying job, an ex-husband who wants to see his son and shares parenting responsibilities with her. While I believe most woman in the same situation will not be able to relate to Stacy because of those things, what we do get out of this story is that, regardless of lifestyle, divorce is hard. It is devastating to all parties involved and the raw emotion of the journey from marriage to single again, can and will knock you on your ass!
Currently reading
May 24, 2019I am halfway through this book, and I am obsessed. I can relate to it on so many levels. I am currently living in an unloving/ dead marriage. I can relate to her crying by the stove episodes, and the " I will push through," and the " I have to be strong for my kids," episodes. What really irks me about the book, though, is her ex husband, Chris. He is a little man child, who needs to grow-up. Why? Tell me why? Does she not want to kick his a--?! I can't stand him. Also, in the books description, it says her mother was controlling, and was to blame for some of Stacy's faults. Ummmmmm..what about her dad? He seemed aloof like who? Oh yeah...Chris! Did Stacy marry her dad? Why do the women always get the shaft? Of course, I realize this book was written in 2010. A lot has changed since then in our country.
March 6, 2013
I really enjoyed this book; most likely because I'm currently in the middle of a divorce. I do think I would have enjoyed it otherwise, but it's hard to say how much. Many of her experiences were different than my own circumstances, of course, but she had many emotions and problems that mirrored my own. Reading this was like cheap therapy.
July 12, 2010
It's great that the author feels like she came through her divorce still in one piece, but I got the feeling that she was a very had person to live with and that it would be very interesting to read her ex's side of the story.
June 1, 2010
Ugh.
This book could also be subtitled The Most Selfish Woman on Earth Gets Divorced.
This book could also be subtitled The Most Selfish Woman on Earth Gets Divorced.
August 6, 2016
Solid narrative, but to describe the author as an optimist is a bit of a stretch.
December 13, 2012
I don't know why I was compelled to read this book. But I was. And I learned some things. And I want my friends to read it so I can discuss it. (Hint, hint...)
June 7, 2010
Very well-written book, was captivating...author does an excellent job of writing about how she dealt with the surprise notification by her husband that he wanted out of their marriage, and how she struggled to survive with a very young child and a demanding job as editor-in-chief of Redbook magazine. She writes honestly and intimately about her feelings while handling all that life rains (literally) upon her during this time. A good read for ANYONE, because you just never know when it will happen to you, out of the blue.
Favorite Quotes:
"I wanted clarity. I wanted answers. And eventually I realized that anger---at my ex, at life, at God the fate that would seemingly send me plague after plague until I started wondering if maybe I had been cursed---would keep me from feeling everything I needed to feel to be able to let go and be free.
This is just one of the lessons I learned on my journey through divorce. I stumbled across these lessons like so many river stones tossed on the shore, quieting throughts coughed up out of the endless roil and thunder that filled my head in those two dark years. I picked them up and played with them in my mind, the way a hand will worry coins in a pocket.
What I wanted on the other side of all this pain wasn't to win, to be 'right,' or even just to be able to claim the cruddy consolation prize of being the one who was 'wronged.'
What I wanted was peace." p.6
"One day as I admitted all my anxiety to my mother on the phone, she said "I think I've done you a disservice in letting you think you know anything about my relationship with your father. ...She went on to say that every couple meets ina place that no one else can see, and that as the years unfold there is more and more created there than the mere sum of life events. "As far as for you and Chris go, you are trying to answer a question you don't get to tknow the answer to. You don't get to know if you and Chris will make it. The tow of you have looked as far into the future as you can and seem to agree about where you are going. That is all you get. And someday you may or may not have to face the question of whether you will stay together, and you won't know that moment has come until it's there. " p.22
"Forever can be undone in a second: once Chris chose to enact the get-out clause, the magic of that leap of faith we'd taken together instantly evanesced." p.22
"I wondered how it is that you live a life and don't see it clearly until a threat brings it all into focus." p.45
"Every couple struggles; coupledom is a constant renegotiation of agreements and boundaries. How are you supposed to know which of the little emotional pebbles that trip you up is the one that's actually the tip of an iceberg, something huge and immovable lurking beneath the surface of your relationship?" p.58
"I was slowly learning the truth that would get me through the process of having my life and house fall apart around me: I could keep two opposing thoughts about myself in my head at the same time and know they were both true. I am a Mess. I am Fine.I didn't have to choose one idea and dwell in it." p.88
"As I looked at the mosaic floor my son was joyously dancing on, I was reminded that what you see in your life isn't one thing, one picture, one thought. Life is a thousand little pieces, sliding and moving, like bits of glass in a kaleidoscope. You may get a moment of suddenly taking in a pattern whole, and then it's gone again in a flash, changing, shifting into something else." P 105
"I cried for her, for all she had believed, and I was devastated by the knowledge that everything I had hoped was true about life was false: there was no way to create your own destiny. Fate did that for your instead." p.116
"Bit by bit, I started to realize what was happening. People were trying to puzzle out what had led to the end of my marriage in the same was I was, and they wanted to know what I knew. But not because they wnated to know if I could have saved my marriage: they were asking these questions because they wanted to save 'their' marriages.
Asking me these question and steering me toward thier own answers was a way for people to keep what was happening in my life at arm's length, just in case divorce proved contagious.
But divorce is no virus; it's lung cancer. We live in a world where people believe that somebody has to have caused a divorce." p 119
"I was learning that divorce is not a fight, it is a funeral. It is the death of a shared dream, a fatal fall after a beautiful leap of faith. It is tempting to believe we can learn something from other people's divorces, but we can't because we do not live those marriages." p 124
"Live everything. Live this fear. I let myself fall into feat, a fear so deep I knew that even my dearest friends wouldn't be able to find me when I was in it. The fear that I wouldn't be able to survive the terrible unraveling in my life and in my brain. The fear that I was falling apart into a million little pieces. The fear that I would cease to function, literally cease to exist. And I followed that fear, pulling aside the curtain in my mind, stepping into the void where my brain didn't even send me words, where it was just pain and agony.
All these months I'd been trying to keep from falling apart, from giving into my fears, because I was afraid I would cease to exist, sink into a dark place in my head and never come back. But instead, waht I found when I hit bottom was solid ground beneath me. And I was still in one piece." p 135
"I don't know how I could feel so alone with that many people who cared about me all around me, but I felt unreachable, as if I were standing at the bottom of a long, narrow well, faces peering at me from the light, many miles away." p.142
"I was a keeper. I both wanted to keep people and wanted to be kept. I was loyal. I could be trusted. I could be loved. I was lovable. I as steadier than it seemed on the surface. I wiould survuve. I was surviving. I was, I was. And my friends are the ones who helped me see that I didn't have to start totally from scratch. Each one of them had a little piece of me, a fragment that he or she was able to help put into place, as if together there were arranging in the fractured bits of a broken doll. In their eyes, I was still in one piece, even though I'd been shattered." p 144
"It was such an obvious lesson. Try to solve the problem that's here in front of you. Try to focus on why your life is hard this second and fix that; don't keep getting all caught up in the reasons that your life became difficult in the first place. Everything isn't about the divorce and your bad luck. Sometimes rain is just rain." p 205
"I hadn't wanted to be divorced partly because I feared what it said about me. But I came to see that it says nothing at all---except whatever meaning I give it, and whatever credence I give to the opinions of others, who know nothing about the inside of my marriage, much less the inside of me." p 209
"I didn't want my pain to be that different from someone else's. I didn't want to comfort myself with my agony. I wanted to count myself among the ordinary. I wanted it to all just be a part of life. We all have to take the hard with the good; we don't get to choose. And how you handle the hard that you get will help you understand who you are and what you believe about this life, and what you believe about yourself. And what I believe, at last, is this: It is, and I am, Enough." p 230
"It all could have been much too much---as an editor, I would have rolled my eyes if I'd been reading the story---except that at this point I had been living my lessons for months, and so I merely recited in my head what I know now to be true for sure: Life is good. Life is hard. These two truths are unrelated. And so today just happens to be a good day.
And I'll take it." p.234
Favorite Quotes:
"I wanted clarity. I wanted answers. And eventually I realized that anger---at my ex, at life, at God the fate that would seemingly send me plague after plague until I started wondering if maybe I had been cursed---would keep me from feeling everything I needed to feel to be able to let go and be free.
This is just one of the lessons I learned on my journey through divorce. I stumbled across these lessons like so many river stones tossed on the shore, quieting throughts coughed up out of the endless roil and thunder that filled my head in those two dark years. I picked them up and played with them in my mind, the way a hand will worry coins in a pocket.
What I wanted on the other side of all this pain wasn't to win, to be 'right,' or even just to be able to claim the cruddy consolation prize of being the one who was 'wronged.'
What I wanted was peace." p.6
"One day as I admitted all my anxiety to my mother on the phone, she said "I think I've done you a disservice in letting you think you know anything about my relationship with your father. ...She went on to say that every couple meets ina place that no one else can see, and that as the years unfold there is more and more created there than the mere sum of life events. "As far as for you and Chris go, you are trying to answer a question you don't get to tknow the answer to. You don't get to know if you and Chris will make it. The tow of you have looked as far into the future as you can and seem to agree about where you are going. That is all you get. And someday you may or may not have to face the question of whether you will stay together, and you won't know that moment has come until it's there. " p.22
"Forever can be undone in a second: once Chris chose to enact the get-out clause, the magic of that leap of faith we'd taken together instantly evanesced." p.22
"I wondered how it is that you live a life and don't see it clearly until a threat brings it all into focus." p.45
"Every couple struggles; coupledom is a constant renegotiation of agreements and boundaries. How are you supposed to know which of the little emotional pebbles that trip you up is the one that's actually the tip of an iceberg, something huge and immovable lurking beneath the surface of your relationship?" p.58
"I was slowly learning the truth that would get me through the process of having my life and house fall apart around me: I could keep two opposing thoughts about myself in my head at the same time and know they were both true. I am a Mess. I am Fine.I didn't have to choose one idea and dwell in it." p.88
"As I looked at the mosaic floor my son was joyously dancing on, I was reminded that what you see in your life isn't one thing, one picture, one thought. Life is a thousand little pieces, sliding and moving, like bits of glass in a kaleidoscope. You may get a moment of suddenly taking in a pattern whole, and then it's gone again in a flash, changing, shifting into something else." P 105
"I cried for her, for all she had believed, and I was devastated by the knowledge that everything I had hoped was true about life was false: there was no way to create your own destiny. Fate did that for your instead." p.116
"Bit by bit, I started to realize what was happening. People were trying to puzzle out what had led to the end of my marriage in the same was I was, and they wanted to know what I knew. But not because they wnated to know if I could have saved my marriage: they were asking these questions because they wanted to save 'their' marriages.
Asking me these question and steering me toward thier own answers was a way for people to keep what was happening in my life at arm's length, just in case divorce proved contagious.
But divorce is no virus; it's lung cancer. We live in a world where people believe that somebody has to have caused a divorce." p 119
"I was learning that divorce is not a fight, it is a funeral. It is the death of a shared dream, a fatal fall after a beautiful leap of faith. It is tempting to believe we can learn something from other people's divorces, but we can't because we do not live those marriages." p 124
"Live everything. Live this fear. I let myself fall into feat, a fear so deep I knew that even my dearest friends wouldn't be able to find me when I was in it. The fear that I wouldn't be able to survive the terrible unraveling in my life and in my brain. The fear that I was falling apart into a million little pieces. The fear that I would cease to function, literally cease to exist. And I followed that fear, pulling aside the curtain in my mind, stepping into the void where my brain didn't even send me words, where it was just pain and agony.
All these months I'd been trying to keep from falling apart, from giving into my fears, because I was afraid I would cease to exist, sink into a dark place in my head and never come back. But instead, waht I found when I hit bottom was solid ground beneath me. And I was still in one piece." p 135
"I don't know how I could feel so alone with that many people who cared about me all around me, but I felt unreachable, as if I were standing at the bottom of a long, narrow well, faces peering at me from the light, many miles away." p.142
"I was a keeper. I both wanted to keep people and wanted to be kept. I was loyal. I could be trusted. I could be loved. I was lovable. I as steadier than it seemed on the surface. I wiould survuve. I was surviving. I was, I was. And my friends are the ones who helped me see that I didn't have to start totally from scratch. Each one of them had a little piece of me, a fragment that he or she was able to help put into place, as if together there were arranging in the fractured bits of a broken doll. In their eyes, I was still in one piece, even though I'd been shattered." p 144
"It was such an obvious lesson. Try to solve the problem that's here in front of you. Try to focus on why your life is hard this second and fix that; don't keep getting all caught up in the reasons that your life became difficult in the first place. Everything isn't about the divorce and your bad luck. Sometimes rain is just rain." p 205
"I hadn't wanted to be divorced partly because I feared what it said about me. But I came to see that it says nothing at all---except whatever meaning I give it, and whatever credence I give to the opinions of others, who know nothing about the inside of my marriage, much less the inside of me." p 209
"I didn't want my pain to be that different from someone else's. I didn't want to comfort myself with my agony. I wanted to count myself among the ordinary. I wanted it to all just be a part of life. We all have to take the hard with the good; we don't get to choose. And how you handle the hard that you get will help you understand who you are and what you believe about this life, and what you believe about yourself. And what I believe, at last, is this: It is, and I am, Enough." p 230
"It all could have been much too much---as an editor, I would have rolled my eyes if I'd been reading the story---except that at this point I had been living my lessons for months, and so I merely recited in my head what I know now to be true for sure: Life is good. Life is hard. These two truths are unrelated. And so today just happens to be a good day.
And I'll take it." p.234
August 27, 2018
3.5 I love a well written memoir, to be able to step inside somebody else’s experience and learn from it without having to live it. Morrison’s husband walks out on her and their ten month old son for NO FRIGGIN REASON and somehow she moves through her anger and sadness to find grace and peace. She doesn’t really tell us how she got to a place of forgiveness (sheer will?) but the unraveling of her marriage was fascinating. I wish she’d gone deeper into how she maintains a close relationship with her in laws.
Readers beware: Morrison is a magazine editor (and a great writer!) but she comes from a place of privilege. Her frustration at having to take a cab from Brooklyn to Manhattan to get her toddler son to the emergency room felt flat. Yes your son needs medical care but so many single mothers can’t afford the hospital bill, much less have their pick of hospitals. She juggles a demanding full time, extensive house renovations, and early motherhood and also somehow manages her own emotional turmoil - but let’s also be clear: she has a nanny, an involved co parent, the money to make renovations and move someplace else, and parents who lend her tens of thousands of dollars. It must be so weird to write about your parents while they are still alive to read it.
Readers beware: Morrison is a magazine editor (and a great writer!) but she comes from a place of privilege. Her frustration at having to take a cab from Brooklyn to Manhattan to get her toddler son to the emergency room felt flat. Yes your son needs medical care but so many single mothers can’t afford the hospital bill, much less have their pick of hospitals. She juggles a demanding full time, extensive house renovations, and early motherhood and also somehow manages her own emotional turmoil - but let’s also be clear: she has a nanny, an involved co parent, the money to make renovations and move someplace else, and parents who lend her tens of thousands of dollars. It must be so weird to write about your parents while they are still alive to read it.
April 15, 2023
A much needed read as a single mom stumbling upon a new unknown path. So relatable and inspiring. It allowed me to release the tears I've kept pent up because I felt understood by someone.
I dog eared many pages because of passages that were so eloquently written, true as true, truths I needed to hear, mantras and ideas to think about. It takes a long time to let go of a life you thought you were meant to live only for it disintegrate and to find yourself in the unknown, continuing to swim, even though you feel like you're sinking. It takes a long time to reach the other side of the river, and honest question, do you ever or is there always another waterfall or just another riverbend?
Sometimes it's calm and sometimes it's wavy. "Life is good. Life is hard. These two truths are unrelated." Stacy Morrison.
Sepeartion is just like any marriage or relationship. There are similarities amongst us, but there are so many differences. Everyone has their own story and their own pain in life, no more, no less, than others and everyone's circumstances, family dynamics, parenting, and ways of doing things vary.
I thank the universe for bringing this book into my life. Thank you, Stacy, for sharing your vulnerability, strength and story. I needed it.
I dog eared many pages because of passages that were so eloquently written, true as true, truths I needed to hear, mantras and ideas to think about. It takes a long time to let go of a life you thought you were meant to live only for it disintegrate and to find yourself in the unknown, continuing to swim, even though you feel like you're sinking. It takes a long time to reach the other side of the river, and honest question, do you ever or is there always another waterfall or just another riverbend?
Sometimes it's calm and sometimes it's wavy. "Life is good. Life is hard. These two truths are unrelated." Stacy Morrison.
Sepeartion is just like any marriage or relationship. There are similarities amongst us, but there are so many differences. Everyone has their own story and their own pain in life, no more, no less, than others and everyone's circumstances, family dynamics, parenting, and ways of doing things vary.
I thank the universe for bringing this book into my life. Thank you, Stacy, for sharing your vulnerability, strength and story. I needed it.
June 1, 2018
This is not a divorce book for everyone. Morrison is a privileged white woman who makes enough money to live in the expensive Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn and has a full-time nanny to help care for her child. Although I didn't find it completely off-putting, it was a little annoying at times when, for example, she bemoaned that she didn't make sure that her new apartment had a space for a live-in au pair. Some of her problems are very "first world problems" and she doesn't always seem aware of it.
That being said, I found her emotional struggles very relatable: the need to try to control/fix everything and coming up against a situation that cannot be controlled or fixed. And along with all of the emotional upheaval, having to deal with other stressful emergencies such as her house repeatedly flooding or a fire where she was staying on vacation. That sense of constant overwhelm, of never-ending stress...I definitely related to that. And I appreciated how brutally honest she was about how she was feeling and how she made things worse for herself (and her now ex-husband). Yet this brutal honesty didn't mean that she bashed her husband or blamed him for everything; she took care in not just focusing on her bewilderment and anger in the moment but also bringing some of the insight she has gained since then.
Overall, I think the best takeaway I have from this book is that divorce (and relationships) can be whatever the people in the relationship agree to. There isn't really an accepted "narrative" for an amicable divorce and post-divorce co-parenting; the language we use is combative with there being a winner and a loser. But divorce doesn't have to be like that. It will still be a painful journey, but if both parties can agree to work together and come up with mutually beneficial solutions, it is less painful and has an ultimately positive outcome.
That being said, I found her emotional struggles very relatable: the need to try to control/fix everything and coming up against a situation that cannot be controlled or fixed. And along with all of the emotional upheaval, having to deal with other stressful emergencies such as her house repeatedly flooding or a fire where she was staying on vacation. That sense of constant overwhelm, of never-ending stress...I definitely related to that. And I appreciated how brutally honest she was about how she was feeling and how she made things worse for herself (and her now ex-husband). Yet this brutal honesty didn't mean that she bashed her husband or blamed him for everything; she took care in not just focusing on her bewilderment and anger in the moment but also bringing some of the insight she has gained since then.
Overall, I think the best takeaway I have from this book is that divorce (and relationships) can be whatever the people in the relationship agree to. There isn't really an accepted "narrative" for an amicable divorce and post-divorce co-parenting; the language we use is combative with there being a winner and a loser. But divorce doesn't have to be like that. It will still be a painful journey, but if both parties can agree to work together and come up with mutually beneficial solutions, it is less painful and has an ultimately positive outcome.
April 23, 2019
Holy jeeze, I can see why this marriage fell apart. This book tells the story of Stacy's career highs (many!) and lows, her house problems ('The Evil House'), along with her inability to 'see' her husband, her ignorance to who he is, her unwillingness to allow him to grow. I think she forgot about what it means to be an empathetic, caring, and vulnerable human being. Do I care about how she interviewed Mrs Bush? Nope. I was actually hoping to see her inner strength and courage, not her facade of successes that she's using to prop herself up. She actually explicitly describes having NO COMPASSION for what her partner is going through in the divorce process. Further, she thinks that she is The Holy One because she was the one who was left. Ugh, I feel badly for being so critical of this book but for me it was a tiresome bore that reeks of privilege and lack of self-awareness.
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