Consequential Strangers: The Power of People Who Don't Seem to Matter. . . But Really Do

by Melinda Blau, Karen L. Fingerman

“Challenges us to rethink our circle of relationships. . . . A mind-expanding and heart-opening book.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Social Intelligence

Our barista, our mechanic, our coworker—they populate our days, but we often take them for granted. Yet these are the people who bring novelty and information into our lives, allow us to exercise different parts of ourselves, and open us up to new opportunities. In their unprecedented examination of people on the periphery, psychologist Karen Fingerman, who coined the term “consequential strangers,” collaborates with journalist Melinda Blau to expand on and make her own groundbreaking research come alive. Drawing as well from Blau’s more than two hundred interviews with specialists in psychology, sociology, marketing, and communication, the book presents compelling stories of individuals and institutions, past and present. A rich portrait of our social landscape—on and off the Internet—it presents the science of casual connection and chronicles the surprising impact that consequential strangers have on business, creativity, the work environment, our physical and mental health, and the strength of our communities. 1 chart.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Social, Relationships

298 pages, Hardcover

First published July 28, 2009

About the author

Award-winning journalist Melinda Blau has been researching and writing about relationships and social trends for more than thirty years. With her (lucky) thirteenth book, Consequential Strangers: People Who Don't Seem to Matter...But Really Do, she widens her lens to include the surprisingly vital connections that extend beyond family and close friendsa subject that has taken her into the world of business and marketing, the Internet and social media, health and "place making."
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Reviews

[Melinda Blau]

I'm a bit biased, because I wrote this book. But everyone tells me that reading it changes the way they walk in the world. This book is about the people we take for granted, or perhaps don't even notice.

[Pseudo Nymph · Rating 1 out of 5]

I honestly wish that Consequential Strangers was a total stranger to my bookshelf. This book took a simple premise, that strangers and acquaintances are important in our lives, and somehow managed to find enough anecdotes and ways to rephrase her point that it came out to 276 pages. Were the author more eloquent she could have saved herself the effort of writing a book and fit it in a fortune cookie or a tweet. I didn't learn ANYTHING new, and the author quotes her previous book. I don't think that's a best practice. I think if the author knew that the word friend existed it would have saved her at least 200 pages. At one point she just starts listing the types of people that might own dogs, and what types of dogs they may own. Not worth your time.

[Summer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really great ideas about interconnection. Could have been about 80 pages shorter.

[Alonzo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting book, but there seemed to be quite a bit of repetition. Not that that is a bad thing (repetition is the mother of memory), but I ended up skimming parts because I felt like I had already read it. There are good ideas and ways of recognizing how important these "consequential strangers" (it also seems that this is just the authors' term for acquaintances) and how much they play a part in your life.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was very interesting, but I feel that it could have been a lot shorter.

[Gabrielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is slightly dated in terms of references at this point, and I wish a new edition would come out — the concepts about relationships and spaces are not only interesting but important. This book has helped me see and value the layers of people and environments that make my life rich. I have a deeper appreciation for the encounters that fuel me. There’s purpose in cultivating consequential relationships.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s interesting to think about all the people one interacts with during many years of living - especially if one has lived in many cultures and environments. There are so many kinds of people around us and it is so good to get more than just a few slants on life.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This struck me as not just a book about acquaintances, but also a book about kindness. Although this is structured as more of a research book rather than a self-help book, the varied examples of different types of consequential strangers help readers to view their community with new eyes, empowering readers to be more intentional about cultivating kindness among strangers and friends alike.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Strangers among us*


Sure, we all know that our close relationships with family, partners, and friends influence our lives in significant and obvious ways. But, what about the casual relationships we have with have those outside of our immediate circles?

Delving into the realm of our more subtle relations with "consequential strangers," Blau and Fingerman provide a fascinating look at how the "minor players" in our lives collectively--and surprisingly--have a major role in how our lives function and feel. Far from just being in the background of our lives, consequential strangers actually complement our more formal relationships by providing us with fresh advice and insights, allowing us to connect in a casual no-strings attached/as-needed basis, and connecting us to support and resources outside of our immediate circles.

The writing in _Consequential Strangers_ is as fresh as the topic. While the actual chapters are written in a friendly and conversational style, there are plenty of academic references provided for those who want to dig deeper into the science and research supporting the contents. The spirit of the writing reflects just how passionate the authors feel about this topic.

Creating a bird's-eye-view of our highly inter-connected social landscapes, _Consequential Strangers_ may very well help you realize that strangers aren't so strange after all.

[Sherry · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Consequential Strangers" has a pretty interesting premise, and was heavily researched and well thought out. However, it probably could have been shorter and reached the same conclusions. It says what we probably already know intuitively: that a person is even more happy, healthy and satisfied with life if he knows and interfaces with a myriad of people every week. Connections with people you only know from certain places are of high importance to your sense of self and place, and often can lead you to make important decisions and changes in your life. This can happen for a host of reasons, one of which is the phenomena of being able to take advice well from, and give more of yourself to (in a limited topic type of way), someone who is not in your innermost circle of family, but with whom you share a strong connection due to interests or place.

[Walter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I myself have travelled the globe and met so many interesteing people, but have also been in dark places and low times where the unconditional help and advice from strangers has been more benefical than one might think. I'm not a shy person so many of these stories i can really relate to. This book really should keep your faith that there is good in people and there is hope. It's an inspiring book that isn't meant to be that way, it's just finding strength and support all around you. It truly defeats the "me against the world" attitude that so many of us resort to. I find the themes of this book leave me with a similar feeling to a quote I heard: Depression is when the heart doesn't know how to be sad. A good read to get lost in and take away a sense of accomplishment and learning you sometimes don't get in fiction and non-fiction.

[Joseph Santiago · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful book that touches on bullying, the affects of everyday encounters, workplace dynamics, and sheds light on how we live socially. This is a great book that I have returned to many times and took my time combing through. If only you all could see the dog eared pages and my underlines that are ready to be used for future articles. This is a good book for the professional and the curious community member.

Mr Joe

[Janet · Rating 1 out of 5]

Any book that's simply written based on research is really not for me. I also don't ever take the attitude that they're trying to erase here, of "people who don't seem to matter." Everyone matters...

[Jason Breedlove · Rating 4 out of 5]

I definitely liked it better than Freakonomics. It starts out kind of slow, but it has some great information in it. Since starting over in life; I'm a recovering addict and reformed inmate, my current life is based on people I know at the store, at the gym, at the library etc.

[Addie LeMaster · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It opened my eyes to so many things I didn't realize before about the people I interact with on a daily basis. A must read for anyone who wants to know more about those around them and themselves. It's very insightful and will change the way I look at things from now on.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some great points and stories - but rambled a bit

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I especially liked the discussions regarding online relationships.

[Jeremiah P · Rating 3 out of 5]

Especially like the chapter on Being Spaces. We need more third places.

[Mary Drummond · Rating 1 out of 5]

Textbook theory on the roles that strangers make in our lives. Good book if you are studying physcology.