Asshole: Wie ich lernte, ein Schwein zu sein und dabei reich und glücklich wurde

by Martin Kihn

LÄCHLE NIEMALS - AUSSER DEIN GEGENÜBER LEIDET.

Liegen Sie manchmal nachts wach, weil Sie befürchten, jemanden gekränkt zu haben? Nehmen Sie es stillschweigend hin, wenn Ihnen der Kellner ein falsches Gericht serviert? Und zahlen Sie für einen neuen Wagen klaglos den Listenpreis? Dann haben Sie vermutlich ein Nettigkeitsproblem, so wie der Autor dieses Buches: Jahrelang bemühte sich Martin Kihn, nur ja niemandem im Weg zu stehen - außer sich selbst. Stets war er freundlich, hilfsbereit und gut gelaunt, spielte aber immer nur die zweite Geige. Bis er eines Tages beschloss, sein Leben radikal zu ändern und Rache zu nehmen...

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Humor, Audiobook, Comedy, German Literature

286 pages, Paperback

Published June 1, 2009

About the author

Martin Kihn is a writer, digital marketer, dog lover, balletomane and spiritual athlete. He was born in Zambia, grew up in suburban Michigan, has a BA in Theater Studies from Yale and an MBA from Columbia Business School. His articles have appeared in New York, the New York Times, GQ, Us, Details, Cosmopolitan and Forbes, among many others, and he was on the staff of Spy, Forbes, New York and Vibe. Until recently, most of his writing could be called satirical or snarky, meticulously researched and office-based.

In the late 1990's, Kihn was Head Writer for the popular television program "Pop-Up Video" on MTV Networks and was nominated for an Emmy for Writing. He lost to "Win Ben Stein's Money," decided to quit writing and got into business school. Ironically enough, the tragicomic world of American business, where everybody seemed to be speaking an impressive language that was not quite English, and not quite clear, provided him with a whole new vein of source material, and his writing career really took off.

Kihn's first book was a humorous expose of the consulting industry called "House of Lies: How Management Consultants Steal Your Watch and Then Tell You the Time" (Grand Central 2005), based on the three years he spent working for a large consultancy. The Economist said "a more entertaining book about business is unlikely to appear for a long time," and Salon.com called it "exceedingly smart and funny," echoing Publishers Weekly's reviewer, who declared the book "highly intelligent and deeply funny."

Former co-workers and pinheaded career consultants were less amused, however, spamming Amazon.com with one-star reviews and all but sabotaging the book's chances in the marketplace.

Enraged but unbroken, Kihn reemerged a few years later with a grotesquely satirical stunt-memoir called "A**hole: How I Got Rich & Happy By Not Giving a Damn About Anyone" (Broadway Books 2008). The premise of this reality TV-type firebomb was that a guy who is too nice to get ahead in business (aka Marty) decides systematically to turn himself into a pricktard and reap the rewards. Film rights were sold to Warner Brothers, where it is in development, and Booklist raved "Kihn's got a great ear for dialogue - and a comedic sense worthy of Second City."

For reasons that elude the Author, "A**hole" became a publishing phenomenon in Germany and Austria, sitting for months on the Der Spiegel bestseller list and causing his German publisher to proclaim him "the David Hasselhoff of satirical non-fiction." Notes from his legion of German fans lead some to suspect Kihn's gossamer irony was lost in translation.

Kihn is married to the singer-songwriter Julia Douglass. Her most recent projects include a series of brilliant one-minute animated songs about cooking called ChefDoReMi.com. After twenty years living and working in New York City, the couple recently relocated to Minneapolis, where Kihn works as a digital marketing strategist for a well-known agency.

"Bad Dog: A Love Story," marks the emergence of a mature writer at the height of his powers. At its heart is an intensely charismatic, terribly-behaved 90-pound Bernese mountain dog named Hola. After a shattering personal crisis, Kihn decides to train Hola and together they earn their Canine Good Citizen certification from the American Kennel Club. It's a journey of redemption, as together man and dog reclaim their lives by working toward a common goal.

Reviews

[Cowboy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Look, this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. Like the author, I was fed up with being the “nice guy” and decided to do something about it. Here are some key takeaways:

- Don’t smile
- walk bigger
- complain
- an asshole is a go-getter, he’s got places to go and people to not care about
- I am never wrong

What I’ve learned in putting all of this into practice is that being either too nice or too much of an asshole sucks: you need to find a balance. Too bad the book goes to complete shit starting with the fitness chapter (I don’t remember the chapter number and can’t be bothered to look it up even though I’m sitting right next to the book). This book still deserves a solid five stars but I’m giving it one star because I’m an asshole.

[محمدعلی کرمی · Rating 5 out of 5]

خیلی کم پیش میاد که با اتمام کتابی احساس ناراحتی بهم دست بده ک دلم براش از همون لحظه اتمام تنگ بشه، اینم یکی از همون ‌کتاب‌ها بود.
چقدر دوست‌داشتنی، خودمونی، جذاب، خیلی خنده‌دار و بانمک. داستانِ مردی که از بی‌عرضه و ساده بودن خسته شده بود و می‌خواست بد بشه تا مورد احترام و عشق واقع بشه و پول به دست بیاره، که خب، شاید اونطور که فکر می‌کرد نتونست پیش بره، اما زندگیش عوض شد، شاید با خوندنش تلنگری هم به ما بخوره :)
و این هم بگم که راهنمای خوبی برای آدمای خجالتی و کمروئه، جدی!
.
می‌تونم بگم از خنده‌دار‌ترین چیزهایی بود که تاحالا خوندم و طی خوندنش چند بار غش کردم از خنده، سبک نگارش خیلی جذاب، روایت‌های زنده و البته صدای کتاب‌خوان خیلی دلنشین بود.
در کل کتابِ فوق‌العاده دوست داشتنی و جذابیه و دلم می‌خواست طولانی‌تر باشه، خیلی دوسش داشتم. ^^

[Kyle Nicholas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't normally review a book before I've finished reading it, but this is one of those times. I would place it on the top of my list of books everyone must read, but for two reasons I won't: First of all, because I don't think most people need any more help being assholes (one look at social media will show you this is true.) Secondly, I want to be top asshole, so if I could buy up every copy of this, kidnap Mr. Kihn, and keep the secrets of assholery all to myself, I would. But since I don't want to be in prison and become someone else's asshole, I think I'll just leave a stellar review and keep it at that. Now for the next half of the book!

[Auntie Raye-Raye · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh, 3.5. Pretty funny. Although, I am already an asshole, I got tips on how to become a better one.

[Michael Janes · Rating 5 out of 5]

[Audiobook, 2nd listen 2020] Original listen was back in 2016 in the middle of flight school. I found this book incredibly enlightening in many of the ways people were getting ahead or taking advantage of normal, mellow individuals (myself included!). It was crazy to see all the strings behind the scenes that people were using to manipulate others, but even crazier to see how it was all the same games that bullies played as kids!
While I certainly won't advocate for adding more assholes to this world, it's important for people to understand the games they play to prevent victimization. You'll never convince someone to stop being an asshole, but you can make definitely make yourself a harder target. Well worth the 5/5 stars as I still think this is a book all people should read.

[Patrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This strange, semi-parodic business self-help memoir from author and journalist Kihn (formerly of Spy magazine) details the writer's attempt to throw off, at age 40, the nice-guy habits that were killing him ("defects like consideration, politeness, giving a fuck what you think") and discover the winning Asshole within. After setting some ground rules ("Things I Would Not Do," including substance abuse, adultery and smiling), Kihn finds himself a role model ("the Nemesis," a classic jerk at the office), a life coach (typical advice: "Walk bigger") and starts putting his philosophy into action. Laying out his narrative in ten steps, Kihn's "experiments" take him into the boxing ring, through dog training, into public confrontation and, naturally, toward wisdom, success and happiness. Kihn is generally funny, especially in goofy asides like "Meditation for Assholes" (affirmations include "I constantly feel a nameless dread which inspires me"), but, in keeping with the theme, he's often crude. Whether it works, ultimately, will depend on one's reaction to the ending, in which Kihn Learns a Valuable Lesson. Like an above-average Adam Sandler movie, this mix of racy humor and overt sentiment will probably get both a bigger audience, and less credit, than it deserves.

[Brandon Dees · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite entertaining, and a bit inspiring. Reminds me a bit of Fight Club. Although the punch is pulled a bit in the end, I found myself working out my own inner asshole and becoming more dominant and assertive. Definitely for "Mr. Nice Guy" people like me who are prone to getting walked over.

[Bader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it; it was a bit slow, but I guess the book meant more to me cause of the stage of my life that I'm currently at. Thought it takes an asshole to move forward only to realize that it adds no real value in the end, which is kinda the point the author is trying to illustrate.

[Sherry]

I just read an interesting interview with this author about his book. It looks funny, satirical, and maybe even practical.

[Gemma González Torà · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! Super funny, and I really enjoyed the writing style.

[Muhammad Usman Ghani · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is really a good book, learned a lot

[Melchor Moro-Oliveros · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is entertaining. However, like other reviewers have mentioned, a little bit too slow.
The morale of the story at the end is a little bit surprising: being an asshole, at least forcing it, does not add real value to one’s life. If I am honest, this is not the outcome I was searching for to be. Being walked over is surely not good. Not caring about any principle it isn’t neither. Find your balance. Be an asshole only to assholes. Work on being more assertive. There are some good hints in the book, though. Here some of them: “It is much safer to be feared than loved”; “There is a difference between being liked and being respected. For an asshole it is all about respect”; “Change your outsides and your insides will follow. Fake it till you make it. It works”; “We are the company we keep”; “Envy is power”. Also good the “plastic bubble-shield” allegory.
Also one interesting discovery to deepen into: Ayn Rand’s philosophy. 3 stars because there are better readings for sure.

[Daniel Hageman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was actually quite an enjoyable book to read, and once I realized that it's very unlikely that the author is attempting to be prescriptive to his readers, one can enjoy the stories much more. I think if the subtitle got rid of the 'and how you can, too', it would be at least a 4-star book. A nice rendition of a guy's life who was a pushover and started taking ownership of his life. If I gave the book a higher rating, I probably wouldn't be 'asshole' enough for him anyways..

[Manasa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading this book.
Though author did not get rich at the end the book, conveyed the idea of being happy by not giving damn about anyone. one can learn to overcome being nice to everyone and embrace the idea of being asshole and acting on free will.
This could be a good book for people who are suffering by being really nice to other people and don't see any way out from this nice tunnel.

[Ala · Rating 4 out of 5]

An entertaining take on the journey of self discovery and confidence. Giving the reader a chance to witness and join into the exploration of living as an asshole! Without missing to show the irony and beauty of life. All the whole urging us to act and cease the day and never stop to self improve.

[Pedro · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like reading a self-help book during my summer holidays. This is hardly the typical of such books, but it's an amusing read and does put things in perspective around limiting beliefs. I'd say that it's all about balance but you do you.

[Byron Allanvre · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a fun novel, plenty of subtle absurdity and quite humorous. I enjoyed it, but it's certainly not the best thing one can read.

[Jan A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny at times. The end was unsatisfactory however.

[Major Doug · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to this book: Morale of the story = only be an a-hole to a-holes. Amusingly good; was hoping for a few more techniques I wasn't already using.

[Philipp Mikula · Rating 3 out of 5]

At Times funny

[White House Public Library]

Overall I rate this an interesting read. I definitely enjoyed the first half of the book the most, but even in the second half Kihn pulls you in to his saga to such an extent that you have to see it through, even if you don't like what you are seeing.

At first, the story seems improbable, if not impossible, that a meek milktoast of a person turns his life around and becomes successful and rich just be being a jerk. Kihn does a very good job of taking the reader through the transition, and the transformation is understandable and believable.

At first the reader roots for the underdog, and the obnoxious things he does seem justified against those who would cause him distress. It's when he becomes a jerk for no reason and against innocent people that the reader may find themselve losing their investment in him but still fascinated with the journey.

[Eryne Miganet · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well. I actually finished this book, which I am quite surprised about. It was tough to get through - and I can already tell you, the little plot twist at the end is NOT worth it wasting precious time of your life over. I got the title as a recommendation by a friend of mine who loves this book - and I know it is only because of those ten pages at the end that she even liked the book.
My verdict:
Not worth reading, sorry.

[Denise Loza · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a funny book, very easy to read, but not something that I really think I'll be re-reading over and over. I'll definitely share it amongst my friends just for the chuckles about some of the situations the author/main character gets himself into.

[Bill Palmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good tips in here on becoming an Asshole. But Marty, I think fails in his quest. I've known a lot of bigger Assholes in the business world. I think I learned that top tier Assholes like Donald Trump, Jack Welch, Rush Limbaugh, and the list goes on, are more born to it than made.

[Burak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't judge a book by his cover!

A great story about a nice guy who wants to change his personality.

If you don't care about behavioral physiology, i’ll do not recommended the Book.

Otherwise, the story is easy to read and I hope no one will imitate the Experimentes

✌🏼

[thewestchestarian · Rating 3 out of 5]

Moderately funny send-up of self-help books.

[Anna-lena Schmitz · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a nice and funny book to read, but nothing special. Kinda fun.

[Luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

so funny!

[Cory Marsh]

This book is terrible. Do not read this book.

[Sho · Rating 3 out of 5]

How to succeed in business and life by becoming one of those arrogant idiots we all despise. (reading this one in German)