Ejaculate Responsibly: The Conversation We Need to Have About Men and Contraception

by Gabrielle Blair

THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Men are responsible for all unwanted pregnancies. Why? Ovulation is involuntary. Ejaculation is not. It is also true that...- Men are 50 times more fertile than women- Birth control is hard to access, use, and comes with numerous side effects- Vasectomies are less risky than tubal litigationsYet, it's women who are expected to do the work of pregnancy prevention. Why must women be responsible for men's bodies, as well as their own?Rather than endlessly exploring how and why we control women's bodies in the highly polarised anti-abortion and pro-choice 'debate', Ejaculate Responsibly makes a witty and unflinching case for why men must be held accountable for their reproductive choices. There are zero consequences for men who ejaculate irresponsibly. It's time to shift the responsibility - and burden - of pregnancy prevention onto men.'A gorgeous manifesto' Oprah Daily 'A tactical, full-throated cry for men to step up' Vogue

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Audiobook

144 pages, Paperback

Published May 11, 2023

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want my feminist literature to leave me angry and seething - this fulfilled the brief.
It became a little repetitive in the end, but its a good overview with some solid arguments based on facts and statistics.
FYI: It focuses entirely on cis-het people, there is no inclusive language used. "Men" in this book = cis-men only, same with "women".

[Katherine Lapierre-Tremblay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Responsabiliser les hommes dans la prévention des grossesses non désirées? Oui! 👏

Une ovule est fécondable pendant approximativement 24h. Le sperme est fertile à chaque seconde de chaque journée. Pourtant, la contraception est généralement une responsabilité qui repose sur les femmes et c’est sur leur corps qu’on veut exercer un contrôle législatif…

Belles réflexions!

[Lina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dies ist eins der Bücher, dass ich auf jeden Fall empfehle zu lesen, auch wenn es mir vom Schreibstil nicht so gut gefallen hat. Das Thema ist wichtig und sollte öffentlicher diskutiert werden. Dieses politische Sachbuch bietet 28 Gründe, warum Männer mehr Verantwortung bezüglich Verhütung überehmen müssen. Es beleuchtet die Themen Verhütungsmethoden für Mann und Frau, ungewollte Schwangerschaften und freiwilligen Abtreitung. Es gibt gute Denkanstöße bzgl. Verantwortungsverteilung, patriarchische Rollenbilder mit Bezug auf Sex und Sexualität sowie Lösungsansätze für mehr Aufklärung. Ich war überrascht, dass ich mir über einige der Punkte noch keine Gedanken gemacht hatte bzw nicht an die Argumente gedacht hätte. Während ich ein paar Thesen nicht ideal formuliert empfand, waren die meisten Argumente nachvollziehbar und verständlich. Ich hätte die Reihenfolge der Argumente etwas geändert und mir am Ende noch eine Zusammenfassung bzw kurze Wiederholung aller Argumente gewünscht.

[Jana C]

3.5/5!
The outline of the book worked extremely well for me and I think it's a really smart choice to boil it down to the different, consecutive arguments to (theoretically) drive the message home. While it starts off that way, I felt like the last 40 pages got a little wishy-washy and made the book lose some of its argumentative force. However, overall, it is a really good entryway into making visible and questioning the status quo!

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shout out to Ellie for a great recommendation!

[Guilherme Smee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sempre passava os olhos por esse livro e pensava: bem vou deixar esse livro pra depois, mesmo estudando masculinidades, porque esse assunto não me afeta tanto, já que sou um homem gay assexual. Mas hoje resolvi adquirir o livro ao passar por uma livraria. Me emocionei lendo esse livro, lembrando da relação entre minha mãe e meu pai e lembrando de todas as dificuldades de gestação e de parto de várias pessoas da família e de convivência. Fala-se muito em aborto como um assunto das mulheres, mas esse livro prova que o problema nas gravidezes indesejadas são realmente os homens. O grande problema é a cultura machista em que estamos imersos e exime os homens de quaisquer responsabilidades sobre os filhos e os assuntos relacionados a eles, seja antes, durante ou após a gravidez. E é um comportamento que vejo se repetir não só na geração do meu pai, mas na gerações atuais. A cultura que vivemos, ocidental ou oriental, coloca o prazer do homem em um patamar mais alto que a saúde e a vida da mulher, como aponta o livro. E se, ao ler esse livro, você, homem, gay ou hetero, sexualmente ativo ou não, não repensar alguns comportamentos sexuais é porque está petreamente congelado em uma cultura que lhe favorece e que você não quer perder seus muitos privilégios em favor da vida da sua parceira/namorada/date/flerte.

[Lena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Inhalt grundsätzlich gut, aber geschrieben wie ein Twitter-Post. Die Leute, die dieses Buch wirklich lesen sollten, werden dies aber leider wahrscheinlich nie tun.

[Rosalie Saffran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wichtiges Buch, aber wiederholt sich zwischendurch und hätte bisschen gekürzt werden können. Aber sehr empfehlenswert!

[Phoenix Fawkes · Rating 4 out of 5]

i am really glad i read this. it was very informative, i liked the short chapters and the many sources. i found the writing style simple and easy to understand. while the arguments were sometimes a bit too extreme, i really liked thinking about them anyways. this book is brave and it made an impact.

i am someone who wasn‘t aware of all the stupid things i as a woman did, like buying condoms for men and taking more responsiblity for not getting pregnant. now im smarter and won‘t do that anymore but expect it from men. this is a big feminist topic i haven‘t been thinking about before and i like how it made me not only think about it, but mostly agreeing with her. i am really glad she wrote about it and it gets the attention it should get.

highly recommend reading this, both as man and woman!

thank you for netgalley and ullstein buchverlag for sending me a copy to review!

[Keeley Dennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lower end of three stars. A very basic collation of the ideas surrounding male responsibilities in cishet sex. Didn’t go into detail about the arguments for “ejaculating responsibly” and was quite repetitive. There were also no references in the book which made me question the author quite a fair bit I can’t lie. That being said, I haven’t read a book that focuses on the male side of reproductive responsibility so that was cool to see.

[Verónica · Rating 3 out of 5]

muy ligero, factual y a veces cómico. estaría genial que, en lugar de la crónica de una muerte anunciada o movidas así, les niñes de 14-16 años tuviesen este libro de lectura obligatoria

[Elisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Per lo più condivisibile, ma tremendamente ripetitivo.
Tartassa fino allo sfinimento.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

[Ich habe ein kostenloses Hörbuchexemplar von Lagato Verlag e. K. und Netgalley erhalten. Die Rezension erfolgt freiwillig, ehrlich und ohne Vergütung.]
Thank you! <3


Ich gestehe, dass mich der Titel zu Beginn ein wenig abgeschreckt hat. Irgendwie konnte ich das (Hör-)Buch nicht ernstnehmen und musste mich dann erst einmal hinterfragen. Wahrscheinlich liegt es daran, dass „Verantwortungsvoll ejakulieren“ und das bunte Titelbild ein wenig „salopp“ geklungen haben und ich nicht wusste, wie sachlich und konstruktiv das Buch wird.
Der Untertitel „Feministischer Debattenstoff für eine Revolution in Sachen Sex und ... Wie wir leben wollen“ ließ mich dann aber doch hoffen, dass es sich um eine sachliche Auseinandersetzung handelt. Ich habe mich gefragt, ob der Titel eine gewisse Klientel anspricht und ein anderes abschreckt ... auf jeden Fall kann ich mir vorstellen, dass auch Menschen, die sich sonst nicht sonderlich für feministische Themen interessieren, zu dem (Hör-)Buch greifen, da es sehr „locker, flockig“ ausschaut.

In meinen Augen ist das Buch extrem wichtig. Es zeigt Missstände in der Gesellschaft auf und Dinge, die im Patriarchat einfach seit gefühlt ewig falsch laufen. Auch zeigt es, dass Männer Verantwortung übernehmen sollten (MÜSSEN) und dies auch gar nicht so schwer ist.
Es geht um Beziehungen, Sex, Schwangerschaft(sabbrüche), Fehlgeburten, Preise und Zugänglichkeit von Verhütungsmitteln, Traumata durch Adoption, Bildung von Heranwachsenden und zeigt, wie auch weiterhin die Verantwortung bei den Frauen liegt. Bei den Männern ist es wichtig, dass es ihnen gut geht und sie ihre Lust ausleben können.

Gabrielle Blair „kreidet“ aber nicht nur an, denn es werden auch klare Besserungsvorschläge gemacht, die der Gesellschaft helfen könnten. Die helfen könnten, ungewollte Schwangerschaften und Schwangerschaftsabbrüche zu verhindern, und die helfen könnten, dass der weibliche Körper nicht zu einem Objekt gemacht wird, dass der Frau nicht mehr selbst gehört.

Ich habe während des Hörens viel Wut und Trauer empfunden, aber irgendwie auch Hoffnung. Hoffnung, dass das Buch, weil es so niedrigschwellig geschrieben (kein Fachjargon) ist und so bunt daherkommt, in viele Hände gerät.


Zum deutschen Hörbuch:
Pan Selle hat wundervoll gelesen. Ihre Stimme war sehr angenehm und die Aussprache klar und deutlich. Während des Hörbuches hat man keine Nebengeräusche (Atmung, Schnalzen etc) gehört und konnte sich so komplett auf die Lesung konzentrieren.
Einzig und allein bei Zitaten war es schwer, festzustellen, dass es sich um Zitate handelt, da Pan keine stimmliche Variation eingebracht hat. Dies konnte zu kurzweiliger Irritation führen.

[Judith Fournier · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un peu répétitif mais franchement pertinent!

[Giulia Papalia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mmmmh, non sono troppo convinta e quando non lo sono bisogna che vada per punti.
Partiamo dalla prima riflessione, ovvero la parafrasi che ho percepito di questo titolo “Come evitare gravidanze indesiderate for dummies”: sotto molti aspetti è un saggio ricco di spunti sui quali riflettere ed esposti anche in modo molto limpido, a partire dalla fertilità maschile h24 rispetto alle 12-24 ore mensili e aleatorie della donna fino alla contraccezione femminile che diamo come prima ipotesi nonostante i pericolosi effetti collaterali rispetto ad un banale preservativo - spesso, parlando con amici, la conversazione in merito alla contraccezione verte su “Ma te prendi la pillola?” in un’accezione che suona più come “Fidarsi è bene ma non fidarsi è meglio”, o l’infinito dibattito sull’ab0rto che viene trattato come se fosse una colpa, un compito e una responsabilità della donna solamente e non frutto di una scorretta precauzione, o peggio.
Insomma, questo saggio ha portato alla mia attenzione numerose prospettive per le quali mi sono scoperta molto ignorante (e anche molto privilegiata). Dall’altra parte però, per quanto sia d’accordo con quasi tutto ciò che viene riportato, il tema dell’eiaculazione responsabile diventa un po’ martellante anche in supposti casi di consensualità riguardo al rifiuto dei contraccettivi e trovo non troppo giusto il capitolo “gli uomini causano tutte le gravidanze indesiderate”: questo tema mi pare ripetuto in maniera un po’ troppo assoluta ed alcuni esempi citati li ho trovati un po’ tirati.
Questo risvolto assolutistico mi ha lasciato un po’ perplessa, ma non perdono di valore quei capitoli che penso potrebbero rappresentare un punto chiaro e sintetico da cui partire nell’educazione s3ssu4le di chi si affaccia nel mondo delle relazioni fisiche o perché no, di chi si accinge a decostruirsi.

[Els · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Let’s imagine what it would be like to legislate men’s bodies instead of women’s bodies. Pretend at the onset of puberty, all males are required by law to bank their sperm and then get a vasectomy. If/when the male becomes a responsible adult, and perhaps finds a mate, if they want to have a baby, they can use the banked sperm, or if necessary, the vasectomy can be reversed, and then redone once the childbearing stage is over. This would certainly eliminate essentially all unwanted pregnancies, so it seems like it would be welcome legislation for anyone who is serious about wanting to reduce abortion.
Or perhaps you are having trouble wrapping your head around the idea of physical consequences for men? Even about though we seem to be more than fine with physical consequences for women? That sounds like something we as a society should address"

Great little book that serves food for thought in easy to read, brief chapters. The statistics mentioned are not groundbreaking in themselves, but how they are compiled gives you a unique and fresh perspective on the story of heterosexual sex, consent, physical integrity, contraception, abortion, pregnancy, childbirth etc. Rarely read a book that is merely longer (126 pages) than its source list (105 pages), talk about well researched...

[~•verena•~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+++ ⭐

Eine wegweisende Erkenntnis: wir haben die Falschen im Visier...

- Verantwortungsvoll ejakulieren, 00,01%

🎧 gehört als Hörbuch


Eines der wichtigsten Bücher, die ich je gelesen habe - es entfacht so richtig den Female Rage in mir.

Everybody should read this, if they want to have sex (again)!!


Mein Review in Zitaten:

... Anstatt die Person mit der Verantwortung für die Schwangerschaftsverhütung zu betrauen, die rund um die Uhr, ein Leben lang zeugungsfähig ist, bürdet unserer Gesellschaft diese Last der Person auf, die gerade mal 24 Stunden im Monat fruchtbar ist...

- Verantwortungsvoll ejakulieren, 2%


... Wenn von Frauen erwartet wird, ihre Verhütungsmethode korrekt anzuwenden, darf dasselbe auch von Männern erwartet werden...

- Verantwortungsvoll ejakulieren, 27%


... Unsere Gesellschaft schützt Männer vor den Konsequenzen ihres Verhaltens...

- Verantwortungsvoll ejakulieren, 85%

Dem ist nichts hinzuzufügen 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

[Mits · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ouvrage intéressant à lire. Nous assistons à un recul du droit des femmes au niveau des avortements, et il est nécessaire de trouver des nouvelles avenues pour les grossesses non désirées. Les propos du livre chamboulent la vision que nous avons de la fertilité et de la contraception. Ejaculer en toute responsabilité doit devenir un acquis pour les prochaines générations qui n’auront pas accès aussi facilement que dans les dernières décennies.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

To think that the whole debate on abortion could easily fixed by educating people better is absolutely wild, and shameful in the fact that it hasn’t been done yet. I sincerely hope people will learn better.

Only complaint is the repetitiveness of arguments that would overlap over each other. After a bit you get the gist of it.

[Josefine · Rating 5 out of 5]

ELSKET, en absolutt must-read for alle der ute

[Ilaria · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

There wasn’t anything new here for me but this is an issue I’ve read about extensively. Outlawing abortion has never shown any evidence that it reduces abortion and this book lays out all the reasons why in a very readable way. A truly pro-life ethic would look a lot different than it does in this country where babies are punishments and women are sex objects. If you are pro-life, you should probably read this book.

[Mariagrazia D'angeli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tutti dovrebbero leggere questo libro. Ma indovinate un po’? Soprattutto gli uomini.

Eiaculate responsabilmente cazzo!

[Carol El Hawary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I've ever read on preventing abortion

This is an outstanding book. Using facts, evidence and research (all provided), the author makes an entirely compelling case on the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and resulting abortions. Short, easy to read and perfectly uncompromising on where responsibility should truly lie. A masterpiece.

In fact, this book should be required reading for children when they reach puberty. For the boys so that as adult men they can make the choice to ejaculate responsibly, and for the girls so they understand that the enormous burden of preventing unwanted pregnancies does not fall completely to them, as it largely does now. I wish I'd had it when I was that age. I'd have made very different decisions.

[Joyce Almeida · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sendo uma mulher que se informou muito sobre o assunto, acho que o livro não é "revolucionário". Mas o assunto é importante a ser discutido e acho que é uma leitura importante para muitas mulheres e, principalmente, para os homens.

[Megan Capuano · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic!!!! Excellent points made me both cheer with “yes, yes, yes” and become irate! Attitude change needs to happen. Thank you, thank you!!

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Important, well-articulated arguments for why ABORTION IS NOT JUST A WOMEN'S HEALTH ISSUE.

[Lauren Sims · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ejaculate Responsibly was the original inspiration for my humorously titled book collection now being assembled in my bookcase. I picked it up from the Harry Hartog book shop in late 2023 to have a giggle with family and friends. Out of curiosity, I had a peek inside. There I discovered Gabrielle Blair has written a compelling argument:

The cause of all unplanned pregnancies rests on the shoulders of men.

Initially I disagreed. My logic? Consent works both ways. Alas, consent is inconsequential considering sex differences.

Men's and women's biological fertility launches blares argument forward. Once puberty hits, healthy men producesperm daily, meaning every orgasm has potential to impregnate. Women, in contrast, are only fertile for one to two days of their approximately monthly menstrual cycle. A woman's egg is not mechanically wired to release at a set time, women cannot control its release, nor how long it stays poised in their supple uterus. Men have complete control over when and where they ejaculate. In sexual intercourse,

women don't need to orgasm - nor even enjoy sex - to fall pregnant.

Do you see where Blair’s argument has taken us? Without even touching contraceptives - the pill, IUDs, condoms - fertile men are already in control of the conception of every child. Read that sentence again. Not one. Not some. Every child.

Blair goes deeper by discussing sex bias in research, advancements in male contraceptives, limitations and side effects of female contraceptives, abortion (their laws and safety), and how the responsibility of unplanned pregnancy and abortion inevitably falls on women. Let’s expand on that last one. Women carry the foetus inside them, so the choice for or against any one abortion lies solely on them. Men can always run away from the unborn baby, but pregnant women cannot.

The careless ejaculation of men causes unplanned pregnancies, yet women receive the blame for abortions.

I was amazed at the candour in Blair's writing. Flawless logic makes this book difficult to criticise. One reticent critique is that references are only described in text, not listed at the climax of the book, so verifying legitimacy of some claims is time consuming, though not all. In addition, there are contradictions on the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation's website regarding the safety of emerging male contraceptives. However, this foundation and others continue to grind out this research, which I never would have heard about without the seduction of this book.

So, guys, just remember to…

[Rowizyx · Rating 4 out of 5]

Consiglio l'esperienza di leggere questo libro su un mezzo pubblico e tenere d'occhio le reazioni delle persone intorno a voi. Divertente.

Questo pamphlet potremmo dire che da un lato non svela nulla di arcano, tuttavia allo stesso tempo pone l'accento su uno dei temi che è quasi impossibile discutere nel discorso delle gravidanze indesiderate. Ossia, la responsabilità maschile nella loro origine.

La società occidentale del XXI secolo è sempre più restia ad assumersi responsabilità collettive e personali, specie se queste richiedono dei cambiamenti nei propri comportamenti o la rinuncia a dei vantaggi per il bene di tutti. Lo abbiamo visto col Covid (mascherine? Limitazioni al movimento? Vaccino?) e lo vediamo tutt'ora col tema del cambiamento climatico.

Figuriamoci, FIGURIAMOCI, chiedere al genere maschile di mettere in discussione il proprio diritto al piacere, diritto che sembra scolpito nella pietra, per assumersi la responsabilità delle gravidanze non programmate e, di conseguenza, della loro interruzione. Fateci caso: in qualunque dibattito sulla 194, sul diritto all'aborto o sulla contraccezione, gli uomini molto, molto molto raramente sono chiamati in causa. A volte da come parlano i politici sembra addirittura che le donne si mettano incinte da sole. Boh.

L'autrice qui sviluppa il confronto tra la biologia maschile e femminile e la potenziale fertilità di entrambi i generi nel mese, notando come si tenti di esercitare il controllo sulle donne sebbene gli uomini potenzialmente potrebbero concepire anche più volte con donne diverse in un singolo giorno. Un confronto analogo avviene sia sui contraccettivi che sulla possibilità di ricorrere chirurgicamente.

Il libretto secondo me si legge facilmente e, se si ha la mente aperta, è molto interessante. Lo consiglio.

[Birgit · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Verantwortungsvoll ejakulieren" von Gabrielle Blair ist eine Streitschrift endlich auch die Männer in die Verantwortung zu ziehen, wenn es um Verhütung geht. Kondome, Vasektomie oder auch "rausziehen" - laut Blair alles einfacher und komplikationsloser als die Verhütungsmethoden für die Frau, denn am Ende ist es das männliche Sperma, das die Frau schwängert und wo das landet, entscheidet nur der Mann.
Anfangs war ich vom Vorwort und der Vorstellung der Autorin abgeschreckt, denn Blair ist überzeugte Christin und mir war unklar, ob sich dieser Glauben mit Gesprächen über Verhütung vereinbaren lässt. Doch ich wurde vom Gegenteil überzeugt.
Blair bringt vielleicht nicht die großen, unbekannten Fakten, bei denen man zum Staunen anfängt, weil man es gar nicht glauben kann, stattdessen fasst sie kurz und knackig Umstände zusammen, die uns eigentlich allen bewusst sind, über die wir nur nie allzu viel nachgedacht haben. Sie erklärt alles, sollte man sich doch nicht auskennen, und macht klar, wieso dieses Thema so wichtig ist. Dabei wiederholt sie sich zwar immer wieder mal, nimmt Bezug auf andere Kapitel, manchmal denkt man sich aber: "Hab ich dieses Argument nicht schon etwas anders formuliert vor ein paar Seiten gelesen?"
Das Buch ist kein literarisches Meisterwerk, soll es auch nicht sein, denn es sollten so viele Menschen wie möglich lesen und verstehen und das geht am besten, wenn man einfach, klar und verständlich formuliert. Und auch, wenn ich am Ende nichts Neues gelernt habe, überzeugt Blair mit ihrem Standpunkt und hat mich erneut von der Wichtigkeit dieses Themas überzeugt und dass es in unserer Gesellschaft noch viel zu wenig besprochen wird!