Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me

by Jenny Gardiner

A gift from an overseas relative, Graycie, an African Gray parrot, arrives in the Gardiner home not long after the birth of their first child, adding the responsibilities of parrot-hood to their newfound parenthood. Jenny Gardiner and her husband were hoping for a docile, beautifully plumed, Polly-want-a-cracker type of companion—but patchily feathered, scrawny, ill-tempered Graycie was the furthest thing from what they envisioned..

In Winging It , Gardiner shares in vivid and hilarious detail the many hazards of parrot ownership, from endless avian latrine duty to discovering the multiple ways a beak can pierce human flesh. Whether she’s swearing at the dog, mimicking the sound of the smoke alarm, or bobbing to the beat of the kids clapping for her amusement, she brings the family joy, laughter, and, sometimes, tears. So why would the Gardiners subject themselves to the crazy behavior of this parrot for so long? Well, because, as the Gardiners realize, Graycie is a part of the family, and just like in any relationship between living creatures, things do not always go according to plan..

A mix of hilarious pet hijinks and a poignant story of family commitment, Winging It is a reminder of the importance of patience, loyalty, and humor when it comes to dealing with even the most temperamental members of the family..

Genres: Nonfiction, Animals, Memoir, Humor, Birds, Biography Memoir, Biography

256 pages, Hardcover

First published February 22, 2010

About the author

Jenny Gardiner is the author of #1 Kindle Bestseller Slim to None and the award-winning novel Sleeping with Ward Cleaver. Her latest works are the It’s Reigning Men series, featuring Something in the Heir; Heir Today Gone Tomorrow; Bad to the Throne; and the upcoming Love is in the Heir. She also published the memoir Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me, now re-titled Bite Me: a Parrot, a Family and a Whole Lot of Flesh Wounds; the novels Anywhere but Here (soon to be re-released); Where the Heart Is; the essay collection Naked Man on Main Street, and Accidentally on Purpose and Compromising Positions (writing as Erin Delany); and is a contributor to the humorous dog anthology I'm Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship. Her work has been found in Ladies Home Journal, the Washington Post and on NPR’s Day to Day. She has worked as a professional photographer, an orthodontic assistant (learning quite readily that she was not cut out for a career in polyester), a waitress (probably her highest-paying job), a TV reporter, a pre-obituary writer, as well as a publicist to a United States Senator (where she first learned to write fiction). She's photographed Prince Charles (and her assistant husband got him to chuckle!), Elizabeth Taylor, and the president of Uganda. She and her family now live a less exotic life in Virginia.

Reviews

[Charise · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn't help but get annoyed with the author during the majority of the book. She kept going on about how she's such a great pet owner because she doesn't give her pets up, even though "anyone else would have given them up" in her situation. I'm sorry, but I sincerely hope that's not true, and the fact that she thinks it is, is very troubling.

This was especially annoying since the majority of the pet issues she was having were a direct result of her inadequate pet ownership. Of course if you don't spay/neuter your cat it's going to go into heat and be obnoxious. And of course getting a dog on a whim is going to cause stress on the family. And I'm sorry, but wanting to play with puppies and kittens is not a good reason to contribute to the pet overpopulation problem.

Also, the majority of the book read like a big saga of neglect for Graycie the parrot. Basically, every time the family reached a point where they could finally devote time to the parrot, the author felt that there were higher priorities, like taking on a foreign exchange student, or any number of other projects. And then the author would complain about how chaotic her life was, when it was her decisions that made it so chaotic. It's not all that surprising that Graycie acted out, when she was always backseat to the kids/vacations/foreign exchange students.

The saving grace of this book was that she strongly cautions against getting a parrot without researching, and does strongly advocate working through your pet's problem.

[Paula · Rating 1 out of 5]

Conflicted... Gardiner is an likable and honest author, but as a parrot "mom" I kept feeling angry at her. For a caring and intelligent woman, she really didn't step up to meet the bird's needs. They found one bird behaviorist who charged too much money, and thus gave up. How about doing more research and finding someone else? How about not getting more dogs, and putting more than 10% effort into the bird?

She probably speaks for a LOT of frustrated parrot parents, and I do sympathize with the family being pulled in lots of different directions, but I'm uncomfortable with the book being one long apology for poor parrot care (behaviorally).

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Gardiner's pet memoir reads like a case for prosecution by the ASPCA. She desperately wants to pen an avian Marley & Me, but spends so little time with the titular parrot that she can only scrape together two or three anecdotes, which she repeats ad nauseum over the course of 238 pages. The rest of the book consists of her reminiscences of how darn hard her life is, juggling her multiple children and (unspayed!) dogs and (unspayed!) cats. Which, she repeatedly explains, is why her already difficult pet parrot gets shoved into a corner and ignored. If Gardiner pays as little attention to her bird in real life as she does in this narrative, it's no wonder the animal is pulling its feathers out and attacking its owners' fingers - reading this made me want to bite the bitch, too. Steer clear of this one, unless you're looking for something to spur you on to forming a parrot liberation front.

[Cindy Smith · Rating 1 out of 5]

some parts were cute and funny, but mostly just cluelessly annoying. never happy with what they have, constantly taking on more than they can handle and everyone suffers. I mean, come on, who lets thier kid go on a ski trip 3 days after a trial weaning off of anti-seizure meds? and then are surprized when she seizes?.... thankfully at home and not on a ski lift.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Solid 2.5 stars. Just a bunch of negative stories that discourage people to own a parrot. Not too terribly fond of this one. I learned more about their marriage problems, struggles of raising children and the death of their dog than I did about their parrot. Ya know what? I change my rating to 1.5 stars.

[Fiona · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book better by the end than I thought I was going to at the beginning. It was hard at times to get past some of the stories and not conclude that the author has less than common sense. For example: who thinks it will be okay to transport a cat in a pillowcase? Who keeps a cat without getting it neutered? Who thinks the best way to introduce two strange cats is to lock them into a bathroom together?

As far as the parrot side of the story goes, it was also hard to read at times. Even allowing for less enlightened times I failed to see how somebody could just buy everybody in the family a parrot caught from the wild. I also hated the part where the bird fell off the perch and injured itself badly, not once but three times, because the owners were trimming the flight feathers to keep it from flying.

There is something to be said for the author's stated commitment to continuing to keep her pet whatever happens but I couldn't help thinking that someone else in different circumstances might have made a better job of it.

[Teresa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I actually appreciate a couple messages she tried to convey: 1) most people should probably not own a parrot (including the author), as it is way more work than anyone appreciates from the outside, and they live for ages, so you are committing to that work for a very very long time - longer, in fact, than you are usually committing to having kids in the house. 2). No one should ever adopt a wild caught parrot, unless you are a zoo breeding facility trying to save the last of a species. 3) when you commit to adopting a living breathing thing, it is not just a commitment if things go well, but equally a commitment if it doesn't.

Those are good messages. However, they are wrapped in a desperately boring book, whose storyline is essentially, "Got bird, had kids, ignored bird for 20 years, the end". I don't know why this was sold as a book about a parrot, as there are long, boring stories about how her kids got sick, and, oh yeah, the parrot was there and we ignored her.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her hilarious and thought provoking memoir, Jenny Gardiner flings open her door, invites us into her home, and introduces us to Graycie -- the family’s feisty and quirky African gray parrot. With lots of wit and moments of pure exasperation, Jenny tells the unadorned truth about what giving a home to a bird such as Graycie really entails, and it’s not what I ever imagined.

Besides being thoroughly entertaining and downright funny, Jenny’s memoir speaks of things that translate into lessons we all need to remember in our daily lives: tolerance, patience, and compassion, just to name a few. As an animal lover myself, I really appreciated how Jenny and her family are committed to keeping Graycie for the entirety of her life, no matter how snarkey and unpredictable she can be.

A great read that I highly recommend!

[Ann Wilbert · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this book because I was so disgusted with the people in it. The fact that they were raising a wild caught African Gray was bad enough, but everything they did was wrong. They let the bird fly around, and then clipped his wings themselves - are you crazy? It just made me mad.
The people that like this book do not own a parrot.

[SaraKat · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a pet owner and lover, some decisions made by the author irked me and colored my opinion of the book in a negative way. I ended up liking the book a bit more by the end, but it isn't really about the parrot throughout the beginning. It is more of a busy family story with all the highlights and tragedies described for us to show how much of a madhouse her life is. I hope readers will take away from this book that parrots are a huge commitment and don't belong in most homes. I know I shouldn't be as judgmental about the author's choices since I'm Monday morning quarterbacking and also ideas about pet ownership have changed a lot in the last 30 or 40 years. I admire the lengths she went to for her pets as many people don't have that kind of stamina.

agreeing to care for an animal isn't a quid pro quo as long as it all works out swimmingly. ... You make a commitment to a living thing for life.

I was exhausted just reading about her daily routine. But all of this action was condensed from 20 years down to 230 pages, so of course it sounds crazy and busy. And there was an awkward description of various friends and neighbors that the bird liked that was weirdly sexualized. It was a little gross.

trigger warning
There is discussion of and a choice made to put a dog to sleep and two cats are mentioned as having been put to sleep

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh, I was so disappointed in this book! The title was so funny, but the story just wasn't there. It seemed like more than half of the book wasn't about the parrot at all, but a litany of medical crises that the family encountered over the years that they owned the parrot. And I never laughed at any of the parrot's antics: I felt like they were being reported to me, rather than making the reader part of the action, so I never became fully invested in the read.

This book made me sure I'd never own a bird. The exhaustive details of bird poop were really disgusting, and not in a humorous way. Great title, but not a recommended read.

[Scott Miller · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a tortuous 256 pages.

This book is less a memoir about parrot ownership and more a memoir of the things in her life that she felt were more important than, and caused her to neglect, the parrot. I suppose it's apropos that the neglect for the parrot in real life comes through in the neglect of mentioning the parrot in more than a paragraph or so every chapter in a supposed memoir about it.

If you want a great memoir about parrot ownership, read Joanna Burger's The Bird Who Owned Me.

[Gwen Bentley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't give 5Stars to books often, but this one was hilarious! I enjoyed every minute of it and was sorry when it ended! I learned a great deal about parrots, but I never noticed that I was learning because I was trying not to pee my pants while laughing hysterically at the book! I will definitely be looking for more by this author! Also, I will never, EVER be getting a parrot as a pet! I give this a GREAT recommendation!

[Lucy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm not even interested in finishing; I know her determination not to give up is supposed to be laudable, but over and over and over again we see that the family just doesn't have time to properly care for a bird. Meanwhile we repeatedly hear how busy she is because she's a mom! Life is crazy because she's a mom! No time for the bird because she's a mom! Does the oldest child suffer the same fate the bird does because she kept having more?

[Anna Wittman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have to admit, I couldn't finish this book. The author strikes me as one of those vapid, self absorbed people that only wanted an exotic pet as a way of stroking her own ego. Almost three hundred pages of a totally ignored parrot... no wonder it's cranky!

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had me in stitches in some parts, but also sad in others. I work for a bird rescue and working with African Greys can be a challenge so I understand what the author is talking about. But this story can be a cautionary tale for those seeking to getting a bird of their own. Like cats a bird chooses its owner, not the other way around. If a bird likes you, it likes you. If it doesn't, well... that bird is not for you.

Graycie may have not been the ideal pet for them and their busy household, and yes! There were a LOT of things they did wrong. However, in the end, they did do what was best for Graycie and it was a long time in coming. The one thing people who own parrots need to remember about these beautiful birds is that not only are they flock animals but they also live a VERY long time. They need to make proper arrangements for them in the case of illness or death. They also need a LOT of attention and are a great deal of work. Something that Ms. Gardiner and her family failed many times to provide. Birds such as Graycie are not only incredibly intelligent but also are attuned to what their owners are feeling and feed off that energy. It's a shame it took so long to finally realize that Graycie was not going to be their "forever pet". But what's also a shame is that these beautiful animals should not be made into pets at all. They are meant to fly free in nature where they can soar. I feel sorry for parrots who live as Graycie did but hopefully she is living her remaining days in a healthy and happier environment.

[Em's Adventures · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I enjoyed some of the stories of the bird's mimicry, I found this book frustrating on so many levels. I realize that this was a different time, and unhelpful vets can suggest the wrong advise, but I really felt like some of the things that she did were so obviously wrong that I would have seen problems coming from a mile away. If you put your bird in a dark room with no people around, she will get depressed and feather pluck, if you clip your birds wings, then wonder why she is falling off things and breaking bones, if you don't spay your cat it will get moody and general nusensery. Then it seems like they were so stressed and struggling so much with burdens that they never had time to give to their bird. The author constantly talks about how she was so wonderful for keeping her bird instead of rehoming her like other people, but then she constantly complains about not having enough time to give Graycie.
The author talks about aggression being a normal trait to put up with in birds, but that level of aggression is not normal and can be altered with behavior tactics and training. If Graycie were my bird, I would have found a behavioral specialist and consulted forums etc. until I had solved the aggression issues. I would've then allowed her wings to grow and trained her to use a flight suit so I could take her out for flight time.

[Kylie Abecca · Rating 1 out of 5]

This came across more as a pity party whinge about how tough her life was and excuses as to why she neglected her bird (among other animals). Honestly all this book did is make me despise the author and my heart just ached for her animals, especially this poor bird.

[Sheri Radford · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting memoir about what it's REALLY like to care for a parrot - especially an ill-tempered one.

[Tracy Hollander · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Becky Stanley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious! My two kids were also very close in age and I remember those early chaotic years well. After reading this, I'm just so grateful that I didn't become a "bird lady" until they were older.

[Maya · Rating 1 out of 5]

Jenny Gardiner is a pet owner that vets dread to meet. She makes endless excuses for her poor ownership, has little common sense, and rarely learns from her mistakes.

She believes her commitment to keeping Graycie is commendable: it is not -- not when the bird has past emotional trauma (that is not being addressed) and is not being given adequate attention. Putting the bird's cage in a high-traffic area of the house is not giving it attention, Jenny. It's a start, but not a finish line. Please take some advice and get off your moral high-horse.

This memoir is troubling for two reasons: one, only 20% is devoted to the bird that it's supposedly about (and it's "CARE" thereof) -- this memoir is about JENNY, who's a nobody who's done nothing noteworthy, save for making a wild African Grey parrot's life miserable; and two, Jenny's memoir is a very bad example of pet ownership in general -- and of making poor choices regarding her multiple pets' health and wellbeing. Pet memoirs should be reserved for those who do a GOOD JOB, lest unsuspecting readers take the wrong advice and make the same mistakes. Jenny will reminisce and occasionally note that her past actions were questionable, but she never condemns them the way they should be: i.e. needlessly breeding her unspayed cats and dogs for fun, not addressing her parrot's emotional needs, and making the questionable decision not to euthanize her dog with multiple medical issues that arguably made it's life not worth living (debatable though).

In the end, Jenny does encourage adopting parrots from rescues, which is sound advice, but would be much more helpful as a PROLOGUE rather than an EPILOGUE -- giving yourself too much credit Jenny thinking people will make it that far in your book.

Bird lovers and memoir lovers alike, give this one a big miss.

[Plantgrrl · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were funny bits. Not sure I would read again. Gardiner has a tendency to ramble. Though she admits to having too much on her plate, and indeed sometimes devotes whole chapters to the "reasons" why she gives her bird benevolent neglect, this is more a memoir of Mrs. Gardiner's life that *happens* to contain a parrot, then a humorous tale of a person winning over an ill-tempered parrot. She willingly admits that she doesn't spend enough time with the bird (though she does try to make it happy and meet it's basic needs), she seems to hold up the fact that she hasn't tried to find a new home for her angry (and it would sometimes seem, rightly so), ill-tempered parrot as a standard for making commitments to your pets...and in a way she's right. Far too many people give up on animals because they blame them for bad behavior, behavior that could quite possibly be modified if the animals needs are met...But, then again, sometimes it can be best to find a new home for an animal you don't have time to devote proper attention too...

The book has humorous glimpses of human/parrot interaction and brief moments of understanding for Mrs. Gardiner. Let us hope that in the future, she'll spend less time writing rambling stories about her parrots righteous vengeance against her for being an intelligent creature locked away without entertainment and more time taking time to understand and enrich the life of the terminally bored animal she keeps locked in her house. Or at least buy the parrot a TV or something.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

About the same time the author and her husband were beginning a family, Graycie, arrived from Zaire. It was the 80's and the African Gray parrot was a gift to the family from the author's brother-in-law. Little did the couple know, that although Grays are known to be great talkers, not ALL are friendly birds, and many of them outlive their owners. The author shares, in her brutally honest memoir, the many many hazards of parrot ownership. From constantly cleaning up sticky bird poop with feathers attached, while trying to avoid getting pecked on by a bird with a killer beak, owning a bird like Graycie will make you think twice about acquiring such a pet.

Seriously, this book was not only a brutally, honest story about Graycie, the African gray parrot, it was a laugh-out- loud funny and touching memoir as well. Graycie can imitate the smoke detector, sing, yell at the family dog, sneeze and burp like humans and perform a wide variety of other, welcome and not-so-welcomed behaviors. (You have to read the book to believe them).

The author encourages prospective parrot owners to do their homework first. If you are still convinced an African Grey is the pet for you, then consider adopting one from a parrot rescue organizations in this country. There are many parrots desperate for loving homes, and many are friendlier than Graycie as well.

In my opinion, this memoir should have been called: What you Need to Know Before You Buy An African Gray Parrot on Impulse.

[Amy Palmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title of this book is a little misleading. Although there are several chapters that focus on Graycie, the African Gray parrot that the Gardiner family lives with, this book is really about Jenny Gardiner's entire family and the ups and downs that come along with three kids and more than a handful of pets.

There are many stories told-some funny, some touching-most of which make me think this woman is a glutton for punishment! She and her family seem to take everything in stride though. She never takes her commitments lightly and she is able to admit her mistakes, sometimes wondering if she has added to the problems unintentionally.

The book was a quick, light read that I found quite enjoyable. I'm not a person who would ever own a bird (they kind of freak me out) but it was interesting to observe this creature from the outside.

[Amy Bourret · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, I admit it. I am not particularly a bird lover. Tippi Hedron has nothing on me. A song bird outside my window, that's fine. But I've been known to scream, cringe, hit the ground when those black birds congregate in one tree. And inside birds, forget it; they really creep me out. So why am I giving this book about a parrot 5 stars? Because it is SO much more than a book about a parrot. It is about family and everyday life. It is sharp, well-written, poignant at times and hilarious at others. Jenny Gardiner is right up there with David Sedaris and Christopher Moore. Even though I would have sent Graycie to a nice parrot farm in the country the first time she pooped or pecked,I strongly recommend this book.

[Linda B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Winging It is an entertaining story of the author's family and their experience with an ornery parrot. Anyone who thinks they want to buy a parrot should read this book FIRST. Although I never had a large bird (as many as 21 zebra finches), I understood her description of the mess that birds make and the methods that bird owners will devise to keep the mess easier to clean.

The author is very honest about her difficulties with caring for this demanding bird while at the same time dealing with difficulties within her family. She also discusses adopting birds from a rescue group.

Winging It is written in a very lighthearted way, but there are many touching moments of crisis within the family. I enjoyed her story very much.

[Aspasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am an animal lover but after reading this book there is no way I want to get an African gray parrot. Jenny and Scott Gardiner inherited a wild and scared baby parrot after they were already dealing with a dog (who was allergic to the Earth) and a newborn. Grayce never "tamed" and had an irascible personality (imagine a grumpy homicidal teenager in a bird's body). While dealing with their parrot's personality they had to deal with her nasty mess (food slung everywhere; trails of poo if they let her walk freely throughout the house). Add three children, two cats, vacations gone bad, and various illnesses (human and animal) with a hefty dose of humor and you get this enjoyable, yet exhausting read.


**You can read more of my reviews on my blog: www.thesouthernbookworm.blogspot.com***

[Jeanne · Rating 1 out of 5]

An uncomfortable read for me, as a couple are given a wild parrot as a gift, and then stumble and bumble their way through through pet ownership and parenthood through the next 20 years.
It does make me even more aware of how distasteful keeping pets in cages is to me personally, but the ignorant and blasé way they declawed their cats to preserve their furniture (yet kept a wild parrot who virtually trashed their entire home!), how they adopted animals when they didn't even have the money to purchase a proper CARRIER, then this - " oh, wouldn't it be fun to BREED the cat, to breed the dog" (PET OVERPOPULATION?? It's a concept? No. Not to these entitled folks)...the whole book made me squirm and feel guilty by association.

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Little-known fact about me: I used to have a mad love for parrots when I was a kid, reading dozens of books and countless magazines about them, taking care of my budgies, and dreaming of having a large, "proper" parrot of my own one day. I still have a deep affection for them, and when I read about this book I knew I had to try it.

As much a memoir about family as it is about the parrot who's a part of hers (her family, I mean), this book alternated between making me laugh and making me cry. Highly recommended to anyone who likes birds, likes pets, or just likes to read about the trials, tribulations, and hilarity of family.